as you all know, we at vsb.com we drink vitamin water™ while we pride ourselves on giving you the unfiltered truth. like busta and nadya suleman, “we make sure everything remains raw”.
with this in mind, and keeping with our commitment to fight crime, i’ve decided to devote today to my debunking of six commonly held relationship fallacies. enjoy and sh*t
1. fallacy: “men truly desire women who have non-negotiable standards”
truth: most physically attractive women are able to have non-negotiable standards because they’re physically attractive women. they’re allowed to do sh*t that most other women aren’t.
men desiring women who have non-negotiable standards has nothing to do with their non-negotiable standards and everything to do with the fact that a woman with non-negotiable standards is more likely to be physically attractive.
summary: standards smandards
2. fallacy: “most men are commitment-phobic.”
truth: most people who think they have plentiful and attractive options are commitment-phobic, regardless of gender. it just so happens that men tend to look at their options optimistically, while women’s option-sightings tend to be more realistically pessimistic.
summary: options allow you to say “commit deez”
3. fallacy: “upgrading” cities exposes you to numerous new romantic options, bettering your chances to find compatible mates”
truth: changing cities will not better your chances¹. while there may be more options, there will also be more competitors, and the competition will be more fierce.
summary: wackness transcends population figures
4. fallacy: “men love funny women”
truth: men love women with a sense of humor and the ability to “get” and appreciate jokes…not necessarily make them. “funny” women with a endless staccato of jokes, witty insults, and clever comebacks usually remind men of other men, regardless of how attractive they are.
summary: although we love liz lemon, we think shes drier than eraser dust
5. fallacy: “women decide within a minute whether or not a man is a potential bed partner.”
***this isn’t necessarily a fallacy. it just doesnt tell the whole truth.***
the whole truth: while women have made their potential bedding decision within sixty seconds, a man has decided whether or not a woman is relationship material…in less than five. thats all it takes for a man to decide if a woman is a potential wife. sure, her actions can take her out of the running, but if she doesn’t make the cut in the first five seconds, shes not even in the race.
summary: its a man’s world
lastly…
6. fallacy: “a mans reluctance to be completely open relationship-wise is a defensive mechanism designed to protect himself emotionally”
truth: a mans reluctance to be completely open relationship-wise is a defensive mechanism designed to protect the woman he’s involved with. men fear breaking a heart more than having their heartbroken. most of us are experts on facing and dealing with rejection…but complete b*tches when it comes to giving it.
summary: no comment
of course, i’m sure a few of you disagree with some of my assertions. thats ok. you disagreeing has no bearing on me being right, so please…disagree away.
“hardcore like quick draw mcgraw/ f*ck what you heard you ain’t heard this before/ i make sure everything remains raw”
¹ unless you’re from los angeles
—the champ
1. So you’re saying that if folks’ DNA makeup is awkward, they best not ask too much? Hmm… You also forgot that “they best have banging personalities” part
3. If you suck at relationships in Chicago, and move to Pittsburgh, you will still be in Singleville. Population: You. This, I agree with
4. I take personal offense to this. I’s a woman. I got the mammaries (though not Re-Re sized) to prove it. My dorkdom and wit need not distract you from my feminine wiles. Don’t be mad cuz I can roast you.
@Luvvie,
word! on alladat….especially number three. the point is correct, but i dont know that champ got the reasoning right. like they say…the one common denominator in all your failed relationships is YOU. look into it…
@Luvvie,
So you’re saying that if folks’ DNA makeup is awkward, they best not ask too much? Hmm… You also forgot that “they best have banging personalities” part
lol…not exactly. just that the belief about men desiring women with set standards is lazy thinking
@The Champ,
Somehow, I need clarification. Iunno. I havent had my morning French Vanilla Hot Cocoa yet.
@Luvvie,
**assuming you had your coffee**
is it clear now?
@The Champ,
No
“Most people who think they have plentiful and attractive options are commitment-phobic, regardless of gender”
This is very true. For a long time, I thought it was just men who felt this way but then I moved to a new city last year for a new job and have a lot more options now than where I used to live. There are a lot of attractive men and great personalities to match so I’m not in a hurry to settle down now.
I’m gonna disagree with #3. I’ve moved to 2 new cities after growing up in my hometown and in both cities, I had much better luck dating. There’s an excitement of moving to a new city and it can change your dating options. I know a lot of women who moved to a new city and got into a relationship within the first few months.
@Leila,
this made me smile…cuz I’m moving soon…
@Leila,
“I know a lot of women who moved to a new city and got into a relationship within the first few months.”
thing is, is that because of the different dynamics of the city, or just because…
“There’s an excitement of moving to a new city”?
people who experience success in this regard usually do because their outlooks change…not necessarily their options.
lol, also, when any even moderately attractive person moves to a new city, they automatically receive the NNT (new n*gga trophy) for 2-4 months until reality sets in
@The Champ, “even moderately attractive person moves to a new city, they automatically receive the NNT (new n*gga trophy) for 2-4 months until reality sets in”
haha. This is true!
@The Champ,
“when any even moderately attractive person moves to a new city, they automatically receive the NNT (new n*gga trophy) for 2-4 months until reality sets in”
and just like that, the truth is yet again revealed…lol
“you disagreeing has no bearing on me being right”
This will soon be my new Facebook status. LOL.
@Champ,
I have no information to trump any of your statements. However I would like you to provide some sources to support your “five second” theory in #5. In that amount of time you’d only be able to assess a woman’s looks. With so little information are men deciding whether a woman is a potential wife or a “potential bed partner?”
And, is it really a man’s world if the woman he’s deemed a potential decides (55 seconds later) that he is not? Or maybe rejection falls under the “actions [that] can take her out of the running.
@Ms. Hall,
In that amount of time you’d only be able to assess a woman’s looks. With so little information are men deciding whether a woman is a potential wife or a “potential bed partner?”
this is the thing. obviously, we’re not making wedding plans after those first five seconds. but, we have eliminated you from considerations.
my point is that women typically don’t grow on men. if he isnt impressed with you immediately, he probably never will be
@The Champ,
in that case I undoubtedly think like a man. i used to think it was cold of me to either be attracted to a man or not but i guess not. men don’t grow on me either. if they do, it’s because i’m ignoring all the things i never liked in the first place. but intuition is NEVAH wrong. haha
@lulu,
men don’t grow on me either. if they do, it’s because i’m ignoring all the things i never liked in the first place.
lol, this is a bit of a contradiction.
as you all know, we at vsb.com we drink vitamin water™ while we pride ourselves on giving you the unfiltered truth
oh champ. champ, champ, champ…. *shaking my head*
CAN SOMEONE AT VITAMIN WATER PLEASE PUT THE MAN OUT OF HIS MISERY AND SPONSOR THE SITE ALREADY!!!
the shameless blog product placement is killing me. amusing, but killing….
@superwoman, and @champ
so true…
@superwoman,
LMAO!! The Champ has become a Vitamin Water slore.
@Luvvie,
“slore” is my favorite thing to say…next to f#$k off.
)
@ Champ,
Oh…and about #4:
When I hear men complain about women overreacting, being too emotional, etc., I get the impression that a woman who’s as cool (laid back/funny/whateva) as a man is what they’re searching for.
So would you elaborate a little? Why is a woman who can crack a joke or two such a turn off. Or maybe that’s a discussion for another post.
Yes, I think I am funny so that hurt. I feel pain too Champ…
@Ms. Hall,
I don’t think he meant it (a woman being funny) is a turn off as much as it isn’t a quality that will be an automatic pass for him to be turned on to you. I could see how it might prompt him to see you as a “buddy” more than a sex kitten–I don’t think it has any relevancency to him seeing you as a bed partner. If he wants to smash, I don’t your being able to make him laugh is related to making him bust.
@Ms. Hall,
So would you elaborate a little? Why is a woman who can crack a joke or two such a turn off. Or maybe that’s a discussion for another post.
Yes, I think I am funny so that hurt. I feel pain too Champ…
what i’m getting at is that jokes are great…in moderation. thing is, once you pass the moderation line, and every third comment out of your mouth is a snarky witticism, it can be libido deading.
@The Champ,
“what i’m getting at is that jokes are great…in moderation. thing is, once you pass the moderation line, and every third comment out of your mouth is a snarky witticism, it can be libido deading.”
That goes for yall too! Shoot. Yall aint really as funny as yall think yall are. We’re embarrassed too when you tell a corny joke to the waiter. We just let you THINK you’re hilarious, at least in the beginning, to spare your little unfunny feelings.
Recognize.
LOL men can definitely overdue their jokes and wittiness. esp when its ALL the time or at inappropriate times. there have been plenty of dudes i cut off solely based on them being too darn snarky too often.
@nia,
recognize deez
@The Champ,
lol…
“*blank* deez” = consistent reply from Champ when he knows he’d be right if only he weren’t so WRONG
@nia,
“We just let you THINK you’re hilarious, at least in the beginning, to spare your little unfunny feelings.”
so true. so funny.
It’s interesting to watch the Champ’s opinions evolve in just 6 short months. Exhibit A: “Five Great Ways to Charm a Man” (dated 6 aug 2008) the Champ lists #4 as:
Be Funny
ladies, seriously, if a guy is digging you, and you have the ability to send him a six word text at work that makes him laugh uncontrollably for the next 30 minutes, honestly, thats like 27% of what makes a great relationship right there. if you’ve been cursed with the unfunny gene, at least have the ability to get jokes and recognize humor…make your own version of the aristocrat joke, and recite it to him. even if it bombs terribly, he’ll appreciate the effort, and give you unprompted cunninglingus to thank you for it.
Now the Champ says merely recognize and ‘get’ his humor. So, which is it Champ? Are you growing up on us and sh*t? be funny, don’t be funny, tell the aristocrat joke, be a lady…which is it man?
That is all…good day.
@Miss Patterson,
**energetic applause**
@Ms. Hall & Miss Patterson, i’m adding my clapping to the growing groundswell of applause….
errr… champ, over to you, Papa…
@superwoman, hall, patterson
joining the round of applause with my vitamin water raised.
@lulu,
***pissing in your vitamin water***
@The Champ,
LMAO!! Eewwww
@The Champ,
snarky hater
@Miss Patterson, I think his claim still stands. Its a misconception to think that all men want funny women. A man will want you for a variety of reasons, and being funny is only an added bonus for most men, and not neccessarily what draws him in first.
For example, if a man is attracted to a female for her intellect and beauty, her sense of humor is an added bonus, as he was already sold on her ‘worth’. The ‘funny’ was not the catalysis, it was her halle berryesque beauty.
So in short, just because you’re a female version of Bill Hicks doesnt mean the men will be lining up. However, if he is already digging you, and finds out that you are a reincarnated female version of Bill Hicks, well then, life is much sweeter. We all have some funny friends who are interesting and witty, yet we do not want to pursue a romantic relationship with them.
Atleast thats how I understood it. Its one of those ugly truths, as we were told lies ladies! men do not want us for our sense of humor!
My only contention is that this truth also applies to men, as women do not generally want the funny guy. Its not a gender specific thing. Funny and witty folks will also play second fiddle to the the aesthethically blessed folks of the world.
I am such a brown noser! lol
@Miss Patterson,
DANG ENCYCLOPEDIA BROWN!! aka PatteeCakes aka Miss Patterson if you nasty! I dunno how you keep all this stuff straight…but I’s glad you do! *high five*
@GOODENess, GOODIE-GOODIE GUM DROP! i miss you gurrrrrl!!! e-hugs!
@Miss Patterson,
“Now the Champ says merely recognize and ‘get’ his humor. So, which is it Champ? Are you growing up on us and sh*t? be funny, don’t be funny, tell the aristocrat joke, be a lady…which is it man?
That is all…good day.”
***cutting and pasting my response to comment number 5***
“what i’m getting at is that jokes are great…in moderation. thing is, once you pass the moderation line, and every third comment out of your mouth is a snarky witticism, it can be libido deading”
also, here’s a couple paragraphs from an article in psychology today that expounds:
“Men taunt other men with clever nicknames and insults,” says John Morreal, a professor of religion at William and Mary College in Williamsburg, Virginia, who has studied humor for 25 years. “That isn’t something that women do. They don’t tend to play practical jokes, or engage in humor that humiliates or puts somebody down.”
The basic difference is that males tend to use humor to compete with other men, while women tend to use humor to bond with others. Studies show that men more often use humor to jockey for position with other males when they are in the company of women
A woman who deploys a typically male sense of humor—one that’s aggressive or competitive—is a turnoff to men, says Don Nilsen, a linguistics professor at Arizona State University in Tempe and an expert on humor. Many men feel threatened, perceiving a funny woman as a rival or worrying that they’ll become a target of her sharp tongue. “I think every man in the world loves the humor, even the sexual put-down humor, of Judy Tenuta or Joan Rivers,” he says. “But very few men want to marry them.”
@The Champ,
How do you get to become an expert on humor. This sounds like the most awesome job title. He would get a standing O @ career day.
@WuDaMan,
How do you get to become an expert on humor.
i was thinking the same thing. i feel totally qualified to put that on my resume
@The Champ, so it’s the type of humor…i see. so, like a woman who calls you an egghead all the time would not be the biznesss. right? ok, i’m learning.
@Miss Patterson,
so it’s the type of humor…i see
yeah. theres an article linked below that goes into this even further:
http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2007/01/hitchens200701
@Miss Patterson,
I AM the bizness!! I mean… what? hehehe
@Miss Patterson,
YESSSSS!!!!! Pattiecakes, you get the “CHALLONJ” Award of the day. You best use his own words against him! lol
#4
Most women ain’t funny anyway
http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2007/01/hitchens200701
but I would like to think that’s a reason why I’m largely single (that and the theory of realization)…but I’m not so much funny as I’m cleva (c) E. Badu
#6 “most of us are experts on facing and dealing with rejection” <—– uh, no….Kanye put out a whole album that dispels that statment [+ a hair cut] men are some bitches when it comes to being rejected, y’all can’t deal….y’all are use to being the heartbreaker, NOT the other way around…so when it happens men take forever and a day to get over it.
@Jasi B.,
y’all are use to being the heartbreaker, NOT the other way around…so when it happens men take forever and a day to get over it
eh. i disagree (obviously). we already discussed a why it might take a man longer to “get over” a relationship, but it has nothing to do with him being used to being a “heartbreaker”. also, you can’t base anything any other human being (male or female) does on anything that kanye west has done, lol
btw, welcome and sh*t (i think. i’m losing track nowadays) and thanks for the link/ammunition.
@Jasi B., getting dumped and gettin rejected aint the same thing. Ppl can understand when they dont get into their dream school but let someone get in and then kicked out a few months later, that might be a different story.
A man is rejected at least 84.97% of the time he hollers at a woman, a woman (barring she is not genetically unfortunate) will be rejected 2.94745%. And a woman will b*tch about 95% of that 2.9745%
@Jasi B.,
Welcome!!!
**Diva Dust v. 3.1 ™**
@Jasi B.,
welcome!!!
*shooting gold stars*
@Jasi B.,
Ya know what? #6 made me ponder something. If men are so good at handling rejection, then why is it that so many of them tend to go postal over rejection?
@YGB,
I cant say I’ve ever seen such phenomena occur
@Deviant,
coz they r likely not going postal at u but the female who rejected them!
Fallacy # 6: I somewhat agree with it but have some modifications to add on to Champs truth section. # 6 definitely reeks of selfish, self-serving undertones.
@ “a man’s reluctance to be completely open relationship-wise is a defensive mechanism designed to protect the woman he’s involved with” translates into he knows he isn’t trying, nor does he want to try, to have that ‘real’ relationship with you but he doesn’t wanna let you go out his life either. It’s tied into #2 and # 5 and possibly has something to do with timing…
So if he knows it aint going to that *place/level* but knows telling you that truth will be the catalyst to leave him alone, how much can he really be putting your feelings into the equation. Is he acting on behalf of your feelings (oh how chivalrous and loaded with b.s.), or are his non spoken words serving as a way to protect/safeguard his relationship of convenience. It’s manipulation at its best.
At least that’s how my interpretation of #6 breaks down in my mind. I’m probably sounding bitter or something, but if you think I’m way off on my perception please comment.
@maria,
i agree but i didn’t want to start with champ. i might be here all night
@maria,
Is he acting on behalf of your feelings (oh how chivalrous and loaded with b.s.), or are his non spoken words serving as a way to protect/safeguard his relationship of convenience. It’s manipulation at its best.
lol, its totally selfish. i should have made this more clear in the entry. its not so much about your feelings not being hurt as much as its us not wanting to hurt your feelings.
i know this doesnt make much sense, but bare with me. i havent had my toast yet.
@ number 3
I knew it! I can’t wait to get out of here and go back to NYC! At least I used to get holla’d at, even if some of it was crude. I’d take crude any day over not even getting a compliment. Men here in LA are the wackness, mired in indecision and completely unable to make a move even when they are doing plenty of admiring from across wherever the hell they are standing/sitting/eating/you catch my drift. Let me tell you, there are times when I was so upset, I was moved to poetry.
should the fruit have been ripe and the nectar there for the taking and the invitation to dine clear/would the drone overhead have continued?/ and the tactical approach considered?/ is this the taking of the Bastille?/
I have nothing to say about anything else.
Lulu over and out. End rant.
@lulu,
should the fruit have been ripe and the nectar there for the taking and the invitation to dine clear/would the drone overhead have continued?/ and the tactical approach considered?/ is this the taking of the Bastille?/
you didnt perform this poem in LA, did you? if so, maybe that explains things, lol
seriously though, from what i’ve heard, LA is the worst city in the country for black women, in regards to dating/relationships
LA is just whack, period.
@The Champ, “LA is the worst city in the country for black women, in regards to dating/relationships”
I concur! I don’t live in LA, but I was out there visiting friends a couple of times in the past year and my girls complained the whole time that there are no men out there.
@Leila,
Another reason for me to steer clear of LA.
@miss t-lee, yeah man…LA has not been fruitful in that arena. it’s weird because I know there are people out there, I just don’t see them. and when i do meet them, it’s like they don’t know how to spit game AT ALL. It’s funny I met a guy at a book festival ALONE (by the way this is how you should go out not with a pack of girls) and he was with a friend of mine from work. Long story short 4 months later I hear that he thought i was cute and wants to take me out BUT THROUGH THE FRIEND. How old are we again? Then my friend (a female) tries to arrange a book reading date, so that we can all hang out- friend, her hubby, and ol’ boy. This plan never manifested and yet he still wants to ‘check me out’. uh…ok.
@Miss Patterson,
Long story short 4 months later I hear that he thought i was cute and wants to take me out BUT THROUGH THE FRIEND.
*throat punch* to that young lad.
Man up.
@The Champ,
nah. i just copied and pasted.
@lulu,
as a resident of LA, this is so very true and so very unfortunate .
“mired in indecision” — WORD! i’d bet that there are more dudes cheating on their wives/gfs/so’s in LA than in the rest of the country combined! what’s sadder is, those are the dudes with the most holla-holla in these streets.
(of course, that’s a whole ‘nother topic.) *smh*
@lulu,
Lol
6. fallacy: “a mans reluctance to be completely open relationship-wise is a defensive mechanism designed to protect himself emotionally”
I think this may be true when a man is dealing with a woman that he doesn’t want to make a commitment to. But when he is in a committed relationship, it’s some shullbit… after he has found a woman he wants to keep he pulls these antics to protect himself, to buy some time to plot another manipulation tactic to try to keep his partner with his raggedy a$$… or to cushion the impact of the end of the relationship and deflect the blame from himself to his partner. Men do all sorts of crazy a$$ things to protect themselves on their inside parts, (hahahaha… while typing this I thought of Thandie Newton in Beloved… all crazy looking when she was asking Danny Glover to touch her on the inside… HAHAHAHA! that is men…soft, tender, and crazy as hell on the inside)…
@pgh muse,
But when he is in a committed relationship, it’s some shullbit… after he has found a woman he wants to keep he pulls these antics to protect himself, to buy some time to plot another manipulation tactic to try to keep his partner with his raggedy a$$
lol…who sh*t in your hair this morning? damn.
seriously though, you’re wrong.
@pgh muse, champ- i hear what both of you are saying and i agree with both sides. i definitely think there are men out there who enjoy manipulating women just to keep the p*ssy around just as there are women who like to power play just to have a man’s company. but i agree men are woosies (sp?) when it comes to rejection. they can be cowards when it comes to breaking the ties. mostly because they hate to see us cry. p.s.- i mastered the art of being a gangsta (courtesy of overit)…i don’t cry in front of ninjas, i cry on my couch with a good movie…that’s how real gangstas do it.
I cannot find fault in any of your points.
@Nicki Sunshine,
see, i knew there was a reason i kept you around and sh*t
@The Champ, Oh gee whiz ***blushes***
To Number One – unfortunately, most women, not even the really attractive ones (the ones who look hollywood without makeup and weave and three inch heels, not the ones whose best friends are the girl at the MAC counter, the Dominican who does the most natural looking weaves and the chick at Victoria’s Secret who calls when they get a new shipment of their size of pushup bra in) don’t recognize the power of non-negotiable standards.
As a whole (with some exceptions), Women have been convinced that everything is negotiable.
And the majority of those who THINK that they have non-negotiable standards have bought into their own press and are convinced of their own greatness. They have put THEMselves on a pedestal and although they claim non-negotiability, all they really are are possessors of an impossibly long list of requirements for possible suitors.
@SexyCool,
i’m confused.
by everything.
@The Champ,
you slow and sh*t.
@SexyCool,
I thought the power was not in the standards but the attractiveness that enables you to have those standards.
@Deviant,
Yes the attractiveness gives the haggling or bargoning leverage.
Man, the truth hurts…
I’ve secretly known the truth about 1, 2 and 5 but to see it here in black and white…I need a drink at 8am…lol
This leaves me with a few questions…now that we have this knowledge what can we do? Particularly with #5…
How does a woman know she is still in the “potential wife” category? What are the signs and behavior do we need to look out for?
@Datalore,
How does a woman know she is still in the “potential wife” category? What are the signs and behavior do we need to look out for?
i dont think it takes a rocket surgeon to know when a man finds a woman physically attractive. to answer your question, as long as he finds you physically attractive, you’re still in the potential wife category. maybe you’re in last place (for myriad reasons)…but you’re still in the race
@The Champ,
So that’s it? As long as he thinks I’m attractive, I’m in the game? So everything else just moves you up or down…
*meditates*
“So that’s it? As long as he thinks I’m attractive, I’m in the game? So everything else just moves you up or down…”
Not to answer for The Champ, but as a man…yep.
First is the visual confirmation then
psycho-analysisgetting to know you and sh*t…@Datalore, I agree with AkShone, and honestly, I think this is something everyone does, women just don’t admit to it. It’s all about first impressions, and the first 5 second impression is physical, is he attractive enough for me to talk to or not. If he is, then 55 seconds later, decides if he has any future potential to
smashdate.But men are visual creatures, they see what they want, and then everything else will either fall in place interms of dating/building relationship, or he realizes your beauty does not counteract your insanity, and moves you to the back of the bus.
I’d say somethin…but I’m frozen like a choco-pop
mother nature…i still love you..i think
*looking under my bed, in the closet, checking the vents and under the 3rd couch cushion to the right*
I SWETTAGAWT I think you are watching my life on the GOOD channel and typing about it! You been tapping my phones, dawg? Big Brother much??
@GOODENess,
I SWETTAGAWT I think you are watching my life on the GOOD channel and typing about it
we have your phones tapped. now, what are you going to do? because, sooner or later, we will have your whole crew
Hey while your shattering fallacies take a shot at the church freak. I wouldn’t mind hearing your thoughts on that one.
Mostly because I dated one and the freakiness is not true. lol
So here it is….
Fallacy: “Church girls will get you right 3 ways from sunday………”
@Double J,
You dated the wrong church girl.
*sniggling*
@miss t-lee,
you are not gonna make me spit out my tea this morning.
@SouthernGirl,
Okay…Okay…
I was just sayin’…
*chuckling*
@Double J,
truth: there are some serious freaks in the church (Amen.) The problem is that they tend to look like freaks (loose women) and not church girls whether in or out of the sanctuary, so…if you decide to get with a woman because she looks and acts like a God-fearing, live-by-the-good-book kinda girl, she most likely is.
summary: If you want a freaky church girl then chat with the ones who clearly look like potential freaks. Not the ones who look like Sunday school teachers but whom you hope will be freaky. You’ll know when you see them.
What the hell are you doing snooping around a church for freaks anyway? Emphasis on the ‘hell.’
@Ms. Hall,
puttin out flames with *holy* water……
LOL right!! but seriously, the idea is to look for the girl on Sunday who looks like she didn’t get home until a few hours before church service started.
@Gem Possible,
I’ll take it further, and say be wary of those girls who creep into church 5 minutes b4 pastor starts preaching. They are the ones that had an extra late night….
@N.I.A. HappuHumpDay….,
hey! watchu tryna say?!
@Ms. Hall,
lol I go for the word stay for the women. j/k But if I come across an attractive woman in the church am I not supposed to approach her to see what she is about(not in a sexual manner). She may be my proverbs 31:10-31 woman or atleast a variation. I don’t see any conflict in asking a young woman out in church as long as its after the benediction. lol I am just saying that I have not run into enough proof that they exist.
Also why can’t a freak be a wholesome looking individual?? I am just looking for that male dream of “a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets”.
Don’t knock it cause you will want your man(from what it sounds like…) to be god fearing and lip stick smearing. Doing that thing that gets you right. lol
let me stop messing with you.
Oh yeah mis t-lee holla at me if your on the east coast(Yes that is a shamless pick up line thank you and good day)
@Double J,
*winks* awwww.
Well since I’m nowhere in the vicinity you will have to try this line on some nice upstanding freak at the chuuch this Sunday.
Report back and let me know how it goes.
Happy happy Joy joy to you, my friend.
@miss t-lee,
lol cut off at the pass. Guess I your right lmao gotta find some holy freaks in within a 20mi radius lol
(forgive me lord)
@Double J,
why do you sound like someone I know…
*ponders*
and I am on the Right(!) Coast.
@Double J,
“Don’t knock it cause you will want your man(from what it sounds like…) to be god fearing and lip stick smearing. Doing that thing that gets you right. lol”
I actually laughed out loud. I pray your ladyfreak will soon come.
@N.I.A. HappuHumpDay….
“I’ll take it further, and say be wary of those girls who creep into church 5 minutes b4 pastor starts preaching.”
**hangs head in shame** Really, it’s not what you think…what had happened was…
@Double J,
Hey while your shattering fallacies take a shot at the church freak. I wouldn’t mind hearing your thoughts on that one.
hmmmm. good idea and sh*t
#6 is the realest thing I ever read. Just add that we also fear a woman’s scorn
ok so when i first read this i thought you said “we also fear a woman’s corn” lol. some women do have nasty feet that are scary @ ppl.
@Gem Possible,
ok so when i first read this i thought you said “we also fear a woman’s corn” lol. some women do have nasty feet that are scary @ ppl.
LOL
@Gem Possible,
Gem, you know I e-luv you like a little sis – but leave my talons alone! I got a new electric sander since my old one burnt out, and I’m going to the salon on payday, just quit it!
*Lil’T stomps off, leaving deep scratches in a concrete floor with her bare feet*
lmbo i.hate.you
@Lil’T,
This is making me think of the Martin episode where Gina worked at Shaneneh’s Sho Nuff Salon.
@Lil’T,
Memo
To: Lil’T
From: BBMo CSO (Cheif Sparkle Officer) of Sparkly Sistas LLC
Re: Revised Benefit Package
In light of this new evidence regarding your pedastic difficulties, Sparkly Sistas LLC has re-evaluated your benefits package. Please return the keys to your company convertible. In its place, you are getting a LIFETIME membership to your local Pedi-Spa. Please note that this membership is NOT conditional upon your continued association with the Company. We care about the community and their feets.
Thank you.
The Board of Sparkly Sistas LLC
@blackberry molasses,
awww, thanks BBMo! I see y’all in here tryin’ real hard to get me fired today. Maybe I can get one additional benefit: $1000 gift card to Miss Cee Cee’s Closed Toe Shoe Store.
@Lil’T,
Request denied.
Signed,
SouthernGirl
Executive Sparkle Officer
@Gem Possible,
Like Myra from Martin. Sheneneh had to get a mechanical saw to file them corns.
LOL but fa real i can appreciate anyone who wants to FIX the atrocities on their feet. now, if you just walkin around warping shoes and tearin up sidewalks (see Lil T above lol), then houston we have a problem.
@Gem Possible,
now, if you just walkin around warping shoes and tearin up sidewalks (see Lil T above lol), then houston we have a problem.
i dated a raptor-footed woman once before. it was like she had hyena teeth for toenails.
she was a great cook though
@The Champ,
LMAO!!1 Not raptor-footed! Did she rip up ur sheets when she slept?
How did it feel to cuddle while dodging her foot claws?
Did you end it b/c you couldnt afford perpetually gettin stitches on ur shins?
@The Champ, i dated a raptor-footed woman once before. it was like she had hyena teeth for toenails. this just made me gag…thanks.
I’m just crackin’ you shouted out Busta Rhymes, Nadya Suleman, and Vitamin Water in one post. I’m gonna hafta dig up that song now…lol
@miss t-lee,
drinking vitamin water daily gave me the wherewithal to do it
@The Champ,
So when you get your own flavor of Vitamin Water what are you gonna call it?
@Voiceofreason,
Toast and waffles.
CHU’CH!!! on #’s 2 and 4.
I’ve been saying for years that men look for reasons to say “yes” and women look for reasons to say “no.” If a guy feel like a woman is within his grasp and he still doesn’t push up, it’s because he couldn’t come up with one single solitary reason to say “yes.” A woman will reject a dude if she comes up with just one reason to say no.
And as far as funny women, when I’ve dealt with truly hilarious women I always feel this sense fo competition, at least within myself, to try to outfunny her. That’s draining and unfun, at teh end of the day. Interestingly enough, the funniest girl I’ve ever dealt with was also the finest girl who’s ever given me the time of day, as well. It was like sensory overload with her.
@Scipio Africanus,
And as far as funny women, when I’ve dealt with truly hilarious women I always feel this sense fo competition, at least within myself, to try to outfunny her
this statement pretty much summarizes the latent feeling beneath number 4. generally speaking, we want to compete for you…not with you.
@The Champ,
This explains why my crush on Lauren Hill could never evolve beyond that…
she was nicer than me on the mic.
damn male ego…lol
@Scipio Africanus,
Why should a man feel the need to compete with a funny woman? LOL does a couple that is comprised of 2 funny people sit there trading “dirty dozen” jokes?
Do Rhea Perlman and Danny DeVito sit there all day making “you know you’re short when…” jokes?
Or does a man break up with a funny girl.
Boys: “Dawg, what happened?? She was FOINE!”
Dude: “Man, she hurt my feelings when she outroasted me. I couldn’t deal”
I’m curious. Like for real.
@Luvvie,
LOL! I’m feeling you – I don’t get it, either.
@Luvvie,
If your humor is directed at the guy you’re dating he will NOT be able to handle it. If you’re funny, you have to use your sense of humor in a way that doesn’t target or impact him.
@Voiceofreason,
“If your humor is directed at the guy you’re dating he will NOT be able to handle it. ”
So, I cant give him a friendly jab here and there? Boooo. if he cant take a couple of jokes, then it means he is taking himself too seriously. Which is a no-go. Me dont like Braxton Hartnabrig types.
I aint sayin one had to spend 24/7 roasting their dudes (b/c yes, that is tiring. Even us witty folks enjoy just being straight-laced at times) but playful ribbing from time to time shouldnt make him feel emasculated (unless u make fun of his less than mandingo nether regions. Which is just downright MEAN).
@Luvvie,
If a guy can’t take a jab here and there he’s gotta go. But as a general rule, men don’t like it when women are funnier than they are. If you can get his boys to laugh at him he’s probably gonna throw a male tantrum (mantrum). Haven’t you ever noticed that when a woman out does a man in the humor department he’ll make some reference to how large his junk is? It’s like when all else fails their only retort is “But I bet I can lay it down” or “It’s OK cause I got a big dyck.”
@Luvvie,
you know, the best analogy i can think of is the sensitive man. while its true that women dont want their men to be all hard rocks all of the time, the man who consistently crosses the sensitive line is likely to quickly dry vaginas.
its basically the same concept
@The Champ,
Oh I feels ya on that. Someone who tries to be funny 24/7 is tiring on the nerves. Put the wit hat down at times. It wont get stolen, I promise. But I’s just saying.
P.S. The sensitive man thing made me think of the new character on “Scrubs”. The girl intern who is pretty much the anti-JD and sooo blunt and tactless. She’s hilarious.
@Luvvie,
Whether we like it or not, gender roles dictate that funniness is by-and-large a male skill set. Just like women don’t want a man who spends more time in the mirror than she does, we don’t want a woman who’s got her gender roles all mixed up adn is trying to beat u sat our own roles – funniness, sports knowledge, handiwork around the house, etc. or at least deep down inside we don’t. Some new age dudes might try to front on that point, though.
It ain’t pleasant to hear.
But it’s true.
@Scipio Africanus,
So the men of VSB will frown upon any handy, sports-loving, hilarious woman huh?
This is sooo new to me.
VSB: Where I learn more and more errday.
@Luvvie, Depends on if those dudes have tried to do away with their internal instincts.
Some guys hav etried to enter the new millenium and abandon what’s at their core, some haven’t. The ones that haven’t will have a problemn with all that stuff.
You know, I first read this post at 6am, and I have tried and tried, but…I cannot find any fault.
Happy Hump Day!!!
@N.I.A. HappyHumpDay….,
smart woman
I’m glad you made that Los Angeles disclaimer!
Funny enough, whenever i go to see my cousins in ny, i get proposed to at least once and actually met my last bf out there. But when im in these boonies? I only find old african men and creepy pedophile looking white guys after me!
The guy who i actually met last week, wants to marry me and make “beautiful babies” with me. He says he knows he’ gonna marry me, even if I don’t know it. But he’s from miami, so it doesn’t count.
The whole funny girl thing sucks!! Parents usually love me within the first 20 mins, aas i would have them in stitches, but after a while, the sarcastic comments tug at ol boy and he’s ready to flip at my jokes. SORRY if im funnier than u buddy. Hardy har har.
@jana.love,
Constant sarcasm gets old. Its like hearing the same joke over and over.
@Deviant,
The law of deminishing returns.
@jana.love,
what boonies are you from?
Shots fired!
@ fallacy 3
I disagree. For example, I had more options in terms of the quality of men I met in NY. Now that I’ve downgraded to Pittsburgh, I still have plenty of options but the quality of men I meet has plummeted (my male friends in Pittsburgh have the same issues with the quality of women they meet here, not including me obviously, lol). Unless you don’t agree that options should be equivalent to quality when it comes to dating; you have to admit that wackness doesn’t truly transcend population.
***This statement will shortly be followed by one of the Champ’s smart @$$ responses that will have little to do with what I just typed (i.e., references to me meeting men at bus stations)***
So Champ, watcha got?
so…. what you’re saying is you wanna introduce me to your single male friends in the burgh?? no problem. just let me know when and where *wink*
@Gem Possible,
Girl, I will! There’s one guy I have in mind. He’s attractive, tall, funny, successful, a complete gentleman, and incredibly spiritual. He is actively seeking a wife. The friends I want to set him up with live in other cities. I’ve known him for years, and he’s kind of like family so it would be weird for us to date. He’s a great catch and I’ve always said that his parents should be giving How to Raise a Son classes.
hmmmmm sounds like he’s worth investigating. i’ll be at Questions in the strip on Friday for ULYP’s Black History Month Mixer*. holla at ya girl!!! lol
*whyyyyyy do Black ppl feel the need to do such things for Black history month?? why can’t it just be a regular ol mixer?? ain’t nothin really BHM-related about dancing and socializing over cocktails.
@Gem Possible,
I know, right!!!
I was planning to go to that mixer, but I’m gonna be out of town. He doesn’t like to run the streets too much (another bonus) so it’s hard to get him to go out alot, but maybe something new will motivate him.We have to get a VSB happy hour going real soon.
i’m all for a VSB happy hour!! Champ, get on that stat.
@Gem Possible,
Umm, What in Dee Hell???
*now accepting applications 4 new e-boo*
LOL e-boo calm down. this in no way threatens our e-boodom. i will not allow you to accept any such new e-boo applications.
@Voiceofreason,
its a numbers game. nyc has roughly 15 million people. pittsburgh doesnt even have 500,ooo. of course you’re gonna have more options, whether they’re “quality” options or not, in a city 30 times the size.
to expound, lets say (hypothetically) that there are 100 “quality” male mates of age in the pittsburgh (or charlotte, or cleveland, or whatever) metropolitan area, and that since NYC has 30 times the people, lets assume that new york has 3000 such quality male mates. lets also assume that theres 1.2 “quality” women for every man, which puts the women’s numbers at 120 and 3600, respectively.
in summary, the likelihood of you finding a “quality” mate doesnt change when you switch cities. what usually changes is you. when people move to different cities, they usually are forced to learn and experience things outside of their usual box, and are also forced to meet new people. when you add this to the nnt (new n*gga trophy), your better experiences have more to do with you changing outlooks than anything else. your perception of things changes…and that has the ability to direct affect the outcomes
you even alluded to this a bit in your comment when you stated that “my male friends in Pittsburgh have the same issues with the quality of women they meet here, not including me obviously, lol”.
if there are “quality” men complaining about a lack of “quality” women, and “quality” women complaining about a lack of “quality” men, somethings not adding up.
also, i’m sure new york city has better bus stations
@The Champ,
This reminds me of when I was younger and this cat I knew named Ramone said a woman sleeping with 15 dudes in New York is the same as a woman sleeping with one dude here.
@Humble_One,
So as long as you’re in NY you’re not a hoe if you sleep with 15 dudes?
@The Champ,
I agree with regard to your statistical argument, but you can look at it either way. But wouldn’t you agree that cities establish a rep for being wack because of the wack people that live there? Of course you can meet the right person for you where ever you go if you’re just willing to chill and let life happen. But if you’re taking a systematic approach to dating it’s better to be where the opportunities are. Though when I think about all of this, I find it strange that someone would move to a new city for dating purposes. If anything, you move because you’re involved with a person in the city you’re moving to.
And yes, the bus stations in NY are better because it’s a city that relies on public transportation.
@Voiceofreason,
But wouldn’t you agree that cities establish a rep for being wack because of the wack people that live there?
i think, in regards to actual cities, its more of a perception thing than reality. now, if you’re comparing a town with 300 people to a city, then yeah…you’re obviously gonna see major differences. cities, though…i mean once you’re around the four or five hundred thousand mark population wise, cities are all pretty much the same. just some bigger than others.
i will say, though, that regions might be different. basically, you’re gonna find a bigger dichotomy between lets say, cleveland and phoenix than you would between cleveland and philly.
i’m getting off track here. did i answer your question?
@The Champ,
Yessir. Thanks.
oooooh-k, Champmeister. Here we go again:
1. This is the 2nd time in a week I’ve seen you try to convince women to lower or bend their standards. Some people play games with their standards – but those people often play themselves. There’s a good chance the “6″ with standards has them for more genuine reasons than the “10″ who believes his/her own hype and is just doing what they can get away with.
2. I agree with the premise, but would add that *if* the current conventional wisdom is true (women outnumbering men), then the possibilities for women will almost always seem smaller than for men. For just a sec, put yourself in our shoes and imagine a world with a 10 year “Good Black Women Are Nearly Extinct” pr campaign. No wonder men feel optimistic about the dating scene.
3. I can sorta agree here. However, all my single ladies in the DMV have been talking bout going down south to find “real men” (whatevs) and my bf migrated from FL.
4. So, if your girl was a 6ft model would you tell her to bend down a little and never wear heels so you could feel taller? Where does it stop? Unless you’re paying for her time, a woman should never have to downplay her gifts to make a man feel more like a man. I can understand getting tired of any person who belittles you, no matter how funny they are. But some of y’all are salty cuz you tried to crack on your girl and she came back and cooked you. If she’s funny, laugh at her sh*t and quitcherbytchin!
5. aaiight.
6. I believe you’ve already been called out upthread, so I won’t add. Nice try, though.
@Lil’T,
1. 1. This is the 2nd time in a week I’ve seen you try to convince women to lower or bend their standards
nowhere did i suggest that women lower their standards. people can have whatever standards they want and sh*t. all i’m saying is that its lazy thinking to suggest that higher standards automatically equates to increased and genuine male attention
2. i don’t disagree with you at all
3. i think its human nature to play to grass is greener game, especially if you haven’t been successful. i just think that we (young blacks) use it as a crutch. a scapegoat
4. “Unless you’re paying for her time, a woman should never have to downplay her gifts to make a man feel more like a man.”
noone said anything about sh*t being “fair”, lol
6. to be honest, after thinking some more, this is the one “truth” out of the six that’s somewhat shaky.
Spastic applause for Professor Maria and her dissection of #6…
@Ambitionz,
how does one applaud spastically?
@The Champ,
I would imagine it’s when one applauds like a seal.
1. I agree with this. But nowadays we got the dudes P***y Speculating so the women that aren’t that attractive feel they can have non-negotiable standards. Whats funny is that a man’s standards change greatly. By the time most men get to their late 20s their standards are well grounded in reality.
2. Agree. The only time a man changes is when he tired of the dating game or he has met someone he is willing to settle down with.
3. I agree somewhat. I think it may be easier for you when you are in a new city because you are different.
4. Again I agree somewhat. I like funny women. But it seems like I always run into women with smart mouths that can’t handle a man being smart with them.
5. IDK
6. I agree. Its one thing to face rejection when trying to approach a woman. Most dudes get rejected 8 out of 10 times. But rejecting woman you have feeling for or a woman that you know has feelings for you is rough. It’s only easy when you love her and don’t like her.
@Humble_One,
“But nowadays we got the dudes P***y Speculating”
lol…please expound
@The Champ,
P***y Speculating is the same as speculating in the commodity market. Just like speculators artificially raised the price of oil to $150 a barrel some men do the same to women. Some dudes trick, hen peck, tell them what they want to hear, etc. for women that aren’t that hot. They come out the gate trying to give a woman everything before she even opens her mouth. These men do everything but be themselves to get on. A woman should like you for you. Nothing more or less. These are the dudes that got some women thinking they’re dimes when they’re not.
@Humble_One, You are on to something BUT the same thing happens with men–particularly Black men who haven’t gone to jail, have a piece of education, haven’t made a gang of illegitimate kids, and all ten fingers! Too many of these dudes think they are 10′s when they are really 6′s. All they are is regular. But the media, their momma’s, and a bunch of ERC’s (extra regular chicks), have gassed them up so much they are delusional.
@Hostess,
Church.
@Hostess,
This is true…plenty guys think they’re doing something special because they aren’t royal (or minor) screw-ups…but the truth is they aren’t that spectacular (don’t get me wrong- many females have this issue too). When they encounter a woman who calls them on their sugar.honey.ice.tea.- they act like she has the problem.
I hope this changes with age…
I have to agree with this all. Maybe women will listen to you because I’ve been telling them for years that if a man puts you in Tier 2 or worse, your ass won’t ever be Tier 1 so stop trying to campaign to the top.
Your #2 has actually been documented.
They named it The Eligible Bachelor Paradox. Full article can be read here
http://www.slate.com/id/2188684/
@Sula is Swamped,
Good article.
So basically, if we aren’t too “choosy” and approach this dating game more aggressively, we have a greater chance of getting the guy we want, effectively solving the Eligible Bachelor Paradox?
I.e. exude confidence and be assertive and you stand a better chance of relationship bliss…Can’t most problems be solved with that advice…
I have to agree with the cities’ assessment. I moved from DMV to Denver. I’m attached so that negates some of this, but the women out here are not that attractive. I’m on work-study and I’m all over campus. It hurts my soul sometimes to see the level of unattractiveness pervading the Mile High City.
I also know that the population is skewed towards single men out here. More single women are in the Bo-Wash region than anywhere else in America. There are more single men in LA, Houston, Dallas, Seattle, Denver, Phoenix, Chi, MIA. Thats due to the huge number of womenfolk in the B0-Wash. If I had the demographics map I would put the link in right here.
@Stank-0, See, I wonder about this whole notion of being more men than women. Numbers lie. I’m in the DMV and I know a good number of 8+ men. The unmarried ones say that while there are lots of women, the numbers get damn near even if you take out all the women who:
~are crazy
~have kids
~aren’t sufficiently educated
~have bad credit
~aren’t attractive (enough for the man to publicly claim)
~etc.
~etc.
@Hostess,
n then you got to take out the numbers of guys who been
-jail ghey
-to jail
-uneducated
-got any baby Mamas
-and so on
-and so forth
@WuDaMan,
Well damn; when you put it like that it almost sounds like we’re all damn near scraping the barrel for options. lol
#3
And let me just say, I left the DMV to go away to school…I would complain about the lack of available, decent men (of course that wasn’t my concern because I was involved w/someone up until somewhat recently), but now that I’m really out in the boonies (i.e. 2 hrs east of the “urea”), and single…I’m missing my DMV brothas. I can certainly make the best of that dating pool compared to what’s going on out here.
@WuDaMan, I said 8+. None of the 8+ are those things. Thing is women who are 8+ are more likely to settle for a man who is a 6. But men? Nerp. The 8+’s I know in the DMV won’t even PUBLICLY sneeze on a 6.
@Hostess,
Girl, you aren’t lying @ ALL! One of my best friends made a good point. We were talking about our exes and how they feel as though they can act a fool and be set in their ways, but when we occasionally exhibit some of the same traits , all bets are off.
And I quote:
“I’m tired of always putting up with someone else’s sh!t. Why can’t someone put up with mine?!”
We seem to accept less and put up with more than our male counterparts. Women always seem to settle in some way, while it seems most men feel they don’t have to compromise.
I know life isn’t fair, it’s a “man’s world”, etc. But really, what’s a girl to do?