For many of us, the concept of chivalry died years ago, neglected so long that it ended up gaunt, emaciated, and barely recognizable, starving to death outside of a KFC because no one could spare him the big piece of chicken.
Well, the champ is here to say that we’re wrong. Chivalry isn’t dead or even dying…just in need of a bit of a makeover. An update. A reboot. A few minor tweaks and adjustments to help it combat the depraved mindsets attempting to eradicate it.
Without further ado, here’s a partial version of the champs simple guide to 21st century chivalry…what it entails and encompasses and how to make sure it always gets that elusive big piece.
1. If a woman is within 15-20 feet and approaching a door at the same time a man is, the man must always attempt to open it and let her walk through first, even if he’s coming from an awkward angle. If the women is within 20-40 feet and walking at a pace which insures that she’ll be at the same door he’s about to enter within 7-10 seconds, he can walk through the door first, but he must hold the door for her.
This is pretty non-negotiable. Plus, as an added bonus, there’s no better way of getting a really, really good clear booty peek…women always seem to switch and jiggle the hips a little extra whenever a door’s being held open for them. I think it’s some form of a primitive mating mechanism actually, with an evolutionary correlation between held doors, jiggled hips, and ovaries, but I really have no idea.
***Also, even though the man isn’t holding the door just so the woman can say “thanks” , the man does reserve the right to mutter “bitch” “witch” under his breath if the act isn’t acknowledged at all.***
2. A man can never use too many “pleases”….except in the bedroom, where it should be given the condiment treatment: only used with light sprinkles
The bedroom in itself is a paradox where the common rules of chivalry don’t exist. For instance, saying “please” during a sexual act is a bit tricky because “please” accompanies a request. Depending on his disposition, body language, and penis size, “please” could be interpreted as “a playful request lightening the mood”, “a considerate lover”, or “an annoyingly desperate dude who should just stfu and be happy that his cornball ass is getting some .
There’s basically no in-between, no gray area with this, exactly why he needs to be absolutely sure about the nature of their sexual relationship before he continues with the “pleases”. Usually in these situations, a slight nudge or forceful grab of the neck eye contact is all that’s needed to get his point across, whatever it happens to be.
3. Men should always pay for the first three dates
It doesn’t matter if the guy’s a grad student working at Starbucks dating a newly hired cpa making 80k a year, if they’re dating, the man should always cover at least the first three dates. This is a universal rule that actually benefits both parties. If she’s really into him, she won’t mind the fact that the first couple of dates have been at Borders, the cheese dog stand at the arts festival, and the sample soup counter at giant eagle. If she’s feeling him, but does mind the limited spending dates, then thats all the proof he needs that she’s an evil, money grubbing hobbyhorse not the chick for him. Its that simple. If things are going well, by number four she should offer to pay or at least provide the setting and the man should accept her offer.
lastly…
4. Don’t bullsh-t the chivalry Gods.
men, don’t break your neck to open doors for every Esther Baxter or Zoe Saldana you see but refuse to give up your seat for the slightly homely chick with the eclectic teeth on the train carrying 90 textbooks
on the same token, women should always acknowledge a chivarious act. It could be a smile or a “thank you” or a slight head nod or head an “accidental” cleavage peak…anything as long as it lets the guy know that his efforts haven’t been in vain. If you see a guy doing the doorstop thing for you, the very least you can do is make an effort to sped up your walk so it doesn’t seem like he’s standing there waiting for the seasons to change in the time it takes your inconsiderate ass to get to the door.
there you go, young grasshoppers. go on now and make the champ proud
—the champ
LOL. THANK YOU FOR THIS POST. These are your basic chivalrous acts that need to be applied by all men. I also like men to carry my heavy bags or unload my car, but I guess this day and age that’s icing on the cake, eh?
While I may disagree with the first three dates (I’d say all dates, but that doesn’t mean I won’t offer), at least 3 is a good rule of thumb. By then I will have figured out if I like you or not to keep going on dates with you.
“I’d say all dates”
all dates?? damn, lol
Right…………
*sigh* nobody asked the peanut gallery!!
YES, ALL DATES. And don’t look at me funny if I happen to like the expensive dish either. Not sayin I go for it all the time, or even most times, but I shouldn’t sense a grimace from you based upon what I order.
Don’t blame me, blame my Dad. This was how I was raised.
Honestly, if you can’t afford to pay for us both, then you have no business asking me out to go anywhere with you. Likewise, if you don’t dress the part (nicely), and act the part (chivalrous), then don’t expect me to be very interested in you, romantically. We’re just buddies, at that point. Should I grip you up at the end of the date?
No, I am not a gold digger, but presentation and execution are important.
Stop trying to put that off on your Daddy.
You’re a grown-a** woman and I’m sure you do plenty of things that Daddy DID NOT teach you! LMAO…
Uhh, I believe the whole point of this post is how people were raised and how traditions of social interaction have been passed down between generations. But yes, clearly some have missed the memo about what chivalry is, and when and how to use it.
And clearly some have missed the humor.
***getting popcorn***
Are you secretly wishing for little t-shirts and rain too?
that would be nice, as well as a slight breeze, a camcorder, and a giant watermelon (don’t ask)
thing is, lizzzzzz, after a certain point i think there has to be some type of concrete reciprocation…a home-cooked meal, something that lets the guy know that he’s not a walking, talking dollar sign in her eyes.
i do agree that men should spring for the majority of the outings, but i think you should throw us a bone every now and then too (pun and double entendre intended)
liz, i agree. he should expect to pay for all the dates. eventually, i’ll start offering to pay and cooking. those are the rules.
(*smiles*)
I always try to pay on the thirdish date, but he should still attempt.
lol @ eclectic teeth.
I think I do add a hip wiggle when people hold doors open for me. Huh… never thought about that. Please be sure to erase the “I can’t wait till you pass me by” look from your eyes, and you might want to refrain from running your tongue across your teeth as I pass you. then you’ll get nothing but a tight smile and a tighter walk away. When I gather from body language that he’s opening the door for me just because it’s in him to do so, I might even turn my body towards him as I pass. Keep that in mind, fellas.
And Liz, I’m from NY LOL. I am letting NOBODY near my bags or my car. But I guess anywhere outside of here, it’s okay… I’m just jaded
Haha, makes sense about the bags. I don’t let every guy do it, but if I’m hanging out with a guy (maybe not technically a date?) I think it’s nice when they offer to carry my bags or something.
BX in the house!
I agree Liz. I think guys would get a lot further if they “at least offer” to do a lot of the things mentioned. It just shows how considerate you are.
I agree with all three as well. What about giving up your seat on the train or bus? Seems like not many men will get up even when they see an elderly lady getting on a crowded bus.
Now something like that would make me give a brotha a second look if he did that.
seat etiquette is covered in the extended version, which i didn’t initially include (as well as a few others) because we try to keep our entries here under a certain word count.
but yeah, on a crowded bus, a man should give his seat up to…
the elderly or physically infirmed
any woman who looks to be over 18. (sorry, but a teenager can freakin stand. she hasnt earned the right to sit down yet)
Dont leave pregnant women off of that list. I have seen dudes in my doctors office sit while pregnant women stand. It blew my mind that I had to give this chick my seat before one of them got up offered me theirs
Oh yeah! When I was pregnant, I saw a man all sprawled out in the chair with his legs extended..and when this pregnant lady tried to get by him..he looked all annoyed like she was bothering him? Lawds…what is this world coming to??
we blame this on jim jones. we blame everything on jim jones
yay for chilvalry! and i would add…
…open my car door
…allow me to always order first at a restaurant
…walk on the side closest to the street
…offer to help when you see a woman struggling with something–like on a plane with putting her bag overhead.
…offering a seat–mostly for older women. but i hate when it’s crowded and the men just stay seated and ignore granny.
that’s all i can think of at the moment
totally agree with all the additions. I once dated a guy whose dad had taught him chilvalry from birth. I loved it. In 2 years 1. not once was I allowed to pay for a date, 2. not only did i always order first but he would never eat until my food came and I was satisfied with it. 3. I wasnt allowed to cook for him and when I asked him why he said ‘you are not my wife, we are dating you have no business cooking for me. I am courting you.’
Wow.
Yeah, no. I doubt that you are gonna run into many guys like the one you just described. Especially that last part about not being “allowed” cooking for him.
I can’t see anyone turning down a home-cooked meal unless your skills in the kitchen were questionable (which I’m not suggesting was the case here) but it just seems really odd.
yeah i used to get real offended because he just used to find reasons for us to go out and or order in and then when I snapped on him that is when he explained it to me. Said that is just how his father raised him. Heck when he spent the night he wouldnt even fall asleep before me.
You didn’t snap on him did you? Lol.
“Heck when he spent the night he wouldnt even fall asleep before me.”
Now that’s new.
THAT shit is sweet. I really have to say. 2 snorers did that for me because I’m really mean when I don’t get my sleep.
one of my girls has 13 and 9 year old boys, she and her husband have been training them in the art of chivalry for as long as I can remember. We recently hung out and I witnessed first hand how these young men opened doors, carried packages, paid appropriate compliments ( you get teh picture), not only to me and some of their older “aunties” they haven’t seen in a couple of years, but some of girls their own age. I was quite impressed to say the least. It was very refreshing
“In 2 years 1. not once was I allowed to pay for a date, 2. not only did i always order first but he would never eat until my food came and I was satisfied with it. 3. I wasnt allowed to cook for him and when I asked him why he said ‘you are not my wife, we are dating you have no business cooking for me. I am courting you”
so what happened, if you don’t mind me asking?
During those 2 years we dated(never officially committed to a relationship) I was young and still had an intense fear of committment.So when I felt we were reaching the dating threshold, I pushed for the commitment, knowing he would pull back (because I knew certain things he felt a man should take the lead and this was one of them) So ultimately I found a way to get out of it without being the bad guy. It was self-sabotage, but I was young and dumb.
We are still cool now and I finally confessed to him why I did what I did, he called me a nutcase, said ‘see that is waht happens when you try to be the man and the woamn in a relationsip’ and we laughed about it.
Plus the sex became a little boring, repetative and mundane.
after seeing that you “dated” for two years (wow), along with the other things you mentioned, are you sure ole boy wasn’t obsessive complusive instead of just stringently chivalrous?
Lol. it might have been a weird combination of the two. But he doesnt see those things as stringently chilvalrous. It is just who he is. He had an ole school dad who showed him early on what he thought it meant to be a gentleman, and he never swayed from that.
And he had this things though, the boy can cuss up a strom!
“…walk on the side closest to the street”
Now that’s old school. I love it. My dad always does that.
Bah, sometimes that bothers me. Ever walk a zigzag path to a destination because buildings were in the way? It’s like swing dancing.
Yup yup. All the things my dad does for me and for every woman. I wouldn’t expect anything less. I don’t understand why men don’t get it. It’s not that hard to be a gentleman, geez.
Did you just say “yup, yup” on some New Jack Swing sh*t?! LOL I haven’t hear (seen) that in ages.
I was picturing Teddy Riley at his computer.
Check baby, check baby, 1-2-3!…
Ya know…it’s not hard to be a gentlemen until everybody’s baggage gets thrown into the picture. I’ve dated breezy’s that expected me to do fluff their pillow to show that I cared. I’ve also dated briscoes who were on some, I can do it myself non-sense b/c they weren’t finna owe no man.
I blame Jim Jones for the death of chivalrous behavior. Him and Adebisi from Oz.
Adebisi form Oz what did he do?
raped bodie
I’m all for chivalry, especially as you said, Champ, when it’s acknowledged and appreciated. I can’t stand when I open the car door for a female and she doesn’t give the appropriate reach-over to open my door for me as well.
I can also agree with the paying for the first three dates thing, but yeah, all of those dates are NOT gonna be at the most exquisite steakhouse in the city. Plus, there’s nothing wrong if one of those dates consist of her cooking for me or us cooking together. That can actually be very fun (if you can trust that the person isn’t a psychopathic stalker).
Also, I don’t mind treating on a date at all, but I do find it attractive when a lady offers to cover the gratuity. I usually decline, but the offer goes a long way to me.
Um, I don’t think we are cooking together in the first three dates. I’m not coming over/inviting you over until AFTER three dates. If I come over or bring you over before that point, chances are I have decided we don’t have a future and/or I just want to smash, just be your friend, watch your cable, drink your liquor and/or smoke your herb.
Yes, girls do it too.
I agree. Seeing the inside of my home and getting cooked for is jumping the gun within the first three dates.
i said “after” the first three dates, not during
I know, but Monk said otherwise! *Snaps fingers* Keep up buddy, keep up!
I will co-sign that the three dates can be low-budge….within reason. If the grad student takes me to Starbucks, then the free concert at the park, then finally to another coffee shop for date three…great! If the guy making 80K takes me to those things, I might get a little concerned. Is he a cheapskate? Am I the chick he doesn’t deem worthy of a nice restaraunt? Or is he really giving ME, earth angel that I am, the gold-digger test? Or, worse, is he one of those guys who is soooo obsessed with chicks who are digging for gold that he treats all women like golddiggers until proven otherwise?
I would want for the guy who made a little more to, at the very least, be more creative in his cheap dates as to distract me from the fact that he wants to make sure I am not a “greedy hobbyhorse”. He’s gotta find some cool cheap/low budget cultural events or something. Take me to the bookstore or something. Just don’t be wack!
i’m just happy i got someone else to use “hobbyhorse” in a sentence
“Am I the chick he doesn’t deem worthy of a nice restaraunt? Or is he really giving ME, earth angel that I am, the gold-digger test? Or, worse, is he one of those guys who is soooo obsessed with chicks who are digging for gold that he treats all women like golddiggers until proven otherwise?”
See, all of that thinking right there is why chivalry got murdered in Hyattsville, MD. Just cuz he makes 80K doesnt mean he wants to go blow 200 bucks on dinner. Truly, I don’t even see a reason to do so. Maybe I’m a cheap bastard but y’all know when you go to fancy restaurants you get small ass portoins for a 35 dollar plate. It actually pisses me off. Fuck the presentation if it takes me 2 bites to eat my entree. We can just go to Five Guys and get a bag of small fries and eat for the next two months.
200 dollars? Sheeeit, two people at the Olive Garden is like $50 bones, and I would be happy as a clam and be like “gurl, he spent $50 on me! He nice!”
Seriosuly, when I say nice restauaunt, I am thinking $15 a plate or so. Actually, I wasn’t even thinking of a specific price point. Even if it is cheap spot, just the act of taking me somewhere nice for a nice meal.
$200??? I am blown! And obviously dating the wrong men!
I was referring to the dude who will do the coffee shop or “let’s go have a drink” move.
when you factor in the meal, plus the tip, plus gas money (or cab fare), plus a drink or two afterwards, the total bill from the night can easily exceed 100 bucks. i think women underestimate how much money is spent by us
Great list. Three dates is a good starting point. I’d say that after about 3-4 dates (assuming these have taken place over the span of 2-3 weeks) if she hasn’t invited you over for dinner she probably isn’t feeling you like that. Or maybe that’s just me, lol.
I’ll never forget the time I went to the movies w/ someone & he actually opened the door at the foyer, walked inside, and let the door hit his back. I stood outside for a second in shock and he didn’t even look behind until he went through the second set of doors to even notice that I was standing outside. He was 26 yrs old and grew up w/ both parents in the home so there’s really no excuse for that.
A lot of dudes don’t think that stuff is a big deal – but it is. I wouldn’t feel safe with a man who would walk into a building w/ me and not even think to make sure I got in there safely.
“I’ll never forget the time I went to the movies w/ someone & he actually opened the door at the foyer, walked inside, and let the door hit his back. I stood outside for a second in shock and he didn’t even look behind until he went through the second set of doors to even notice that I was standing outside.”
See something like that screams “selfishness” to me. He sounds like he’d be a bad lay.
you know whats funny…i’ve heard women say the exact opposite. that overly chivalrous guys have to be in order to overcompensate for something else.
moral of the story: never listen to pittsburgh women
again. There is no standard dick theory. let it go, it will always be a mystery. Some men with huge dongs will mistreat a girl because he just doesn’t care; some men with tiny dings will mistreat a girl because he hates that he pees on his balls.
pees on his balls….lmao
Panama, did you get sick of people inquiring as to if you were a member of the DeBarge family (re: removing the Eazy E picture, which made it look like you had long, lustrious locks)?
I love this list! I am also a fan of gentlement who immediately go to help me with large, cumbersome items. I may not always need/want the help, but I verily appreciate the offer. Also, if I drive home alone from a date, you should text or call to make sure I made it in safe. That’s always nice.
LMAO.
Nobody ever asked me if I was a member of the Debarge family though I’ve had a few folks inquire as to whether or not that was really me.
I just changed it b/c I’m still gainfully employed and there’s no need to tempt the employment gods and get fired for blogging.
Now that she brings it up, you were lookin kinda El DeBarge in that last pic, homie. I didn’t wanna be the one to tell you because what are best friends for? LOLOL.
I’m mad I looked like El Debarge when I was intentionally trying to be Eazy E.
It hurts when they boo.
Are you saying the Champ aint got no job?
lol…sister toldja has jokes, i see.
I do, I do.
That was definitely the Tommy from Martin response though….
Ha. I actually thought he looked like a cute Polynesian Black Panther, because it looked like he had on a beret. lol
I love the list, Champ. There should be more dudes like you. Don’t get a big head, though lol.
“Don’t get a big head”
its a bit late for that. i weigh 210 pounds, and my head is probably 173 of that, lol. i cant help it. its genetics and shit
thanks though
I’m liking what I’m hearing so far except that first comment about the man paying for every date. That’s just not realistic.
I think the three-date rule is a keeper. Even though I
am not much of a daterdon’t date.I think it’s even more attractive when a man is chivalrous to a women he doesn’t know in the presence of the lady he’s with (provided said woman is not with a man herself).
ie. holding the door after he’s held it for his “date”, offer to help elderly/pregnant women who are obviously struggling with their bags and such.
And as some of you mentioned before, able-bodied men who won’t offer to give up their seats in/on a crowded room, bus or train should be looked at sideways.
But most importantly, women should acknowledge these acts of kindness with a “Thank you” AND a smile (provided your mouth is not full of food, which would just be bad manners). Recognize that “he didn’t have to” and show him that you appreciate it.
“I’m liking what I’m hearing so far except that first comment about the man paying for every date. That’s just not realistic.”
***hoping lizzzzzzzzzz is taking notes***
I dunno about paying for the first 3 dates. 2 definitely. But I think there’s something slightly shady about a person (even on a friendship/person-to-person level) who lets someone pay for them twice and not even think to return the favor by the 3rd time. Never know when you’ll just be taken for a ride, pay for three dates, and then nothing comes of it. And besides, if she likes your company that much, on some level she should understand nothing is free. Maybe that’s just me.
And for my NYCer’s, don’t forget to let the lady go through the turnstyle first. Just in case she needs to refill her Metrocard, you won’t be on the other side while she has to take her money out in a train station, especially at night.
you know, after reading yours, as well as other comments made by people living in the general nyc metropolitan area, i’m beginning to think that you all need to have your own separate list, ie “for the first three months, men should always be the ones to kill the rat”, or “men should always let women in cabs first, unless her name is wendy williams, in which case men are obligated to shove her in front of the cab”, etc, etc
Add to that list –
When dating in NYC, the man should hail the cab on dates, unless he is Black(because the cab won’t stop)
In that case, woman is required to show a bit of leg. Then and only then will the cab stop in 3.3 seconds.
This has happened. I cosign.
NY is red hot, bitches.
Actually, not so much. Folks act like NYC residency gives them licence to be an ass! Especially the menfolk.
It does, we have to be assholes, you can’t trust anybody in big cities
One day on vacation outside of NYC, I suddenly found myself turned off by every male I encountered. Something was missing, and I honestly think it could have been that asshole I look for in every man I date. It was nowhere to be found. I don’t like being the bigger asshole in the relationship.
Chivarly isn’t dead in the south–thank goodness. Most men I encounter are doing 1 thru 3.
Poppin’ Southern Collar.
Westside of the A.
However, I will say that some cats down South are chivalrous in nature, but we tend to be on some outwardly offended, smack-a-hoe stuff when chicks act up.
I aint the only cat who went to Club 559 in Atlanta before it burned down (RIP) and saw a dude open the door for a chick, then kick her UP the stairs when looked like he should have opened the door and didn’t say thanks.
I miss Club 559.
Ahhhhh I still remember my first experience at the 559. This dude was so drunk while grinding with my homegirl that he pulled it out on the sly and let one go on the back of her pants. LOLOL!
This happened to my friend on the train
WHAT!! How!?!?
He was standing behind her while she was standing on the train dozing off.. she felt some movement but didnt think much of it… when she got off the train someone tapped her on the shoulder and told her that she might want to wash off her sweater. We stil can’t figure out how he did it during rush hour; our theories are 1) it was so crowded that nobody really knew (he was pressed up against the door and she was standing in front of him) and 2) people did see, but didnt say anything, because we’re assholes. We were amazed. She threw out the sweater, but we wanted to hang it up in a frame
having lived in the dirty for two years now I can co-sign on this one. men down here do appear to be a bit more intrisically chilvarous. you still have a handful of men who love to slap a hoe every now and then but generally speaking men here are extremely courteous.