slowly but surely, straight men have become american culture’s whipping boys. the scapegoats for everything that’s wrong with everything, we’re looked at as the ugly elephant in the room scratching his nuts with his forearms, reeking of axe body spray while downloading porn and drop kicking kittens like jack black in anchorman, and i’m sick and tired of it.
yeah, i know. we’re pretty much responsible for every war, the holocaust, slavery, rape, the inquisition, the murder of Christ and big l, and pink tims, but we’re not as bad as everyone makes us out to be. we’re people too, with feelings and sh*t, and we’re sick and tired of taking sh*t from everybody else.
today i will name three separate culprits. three sources of our unrelenting agony and pain. three completely unrelated ways that all contribute to our ridicule, and hopefully by recognizing these we’ll be able to make some changes.
1. SITCOMS
it’s no secret that i’m a huge fan of comedy. from arsenic and old lace to bingo long’s traveling all-stars and catch-22, i have a great appreciation for sh*t that can make people consistently laugh. this is why it pains me deep within my loins to see how thoroughly dissed males are in every sitcom. think about it, seemingly every popular sitcom revolves around the same basic premise: men are f*cking dumb as hell. unhealthy, simpleminded, and senseless nincompoops who’d be utterly useless without our hot and witty wives to balance our utter thimblebrainedness out.
now, before i continue, i want to let it be known that i’m not complaining about the hot and witty wife part. cheryl hines, and kelita smith can complain about me not taking out the garbage any day of the week with their milfy asses. i know this formula is used because nobody would watch a show revolving around an attractive guy and his witless, clumsy, and unattractive wife, but damn…throw us a f*ckin bone. would it hurt to show one of these men with a brain or a spine? would ratings really plummet if jim belushi didnt walk around with mustard stains on his chin for 23 minutes each week?
again though, please understand that i’m not complaining about the unproportionately good looking and witty women part. i want to make that as clear as possible. its not my dream to turn on cbs one day and see idris elba and niecy nash starring in “baby hair and her baby“. i’d just like a little equality here. not full, but just a little. a smigen.
2. THE TOILET SEAT
honestly, out of all the gripes women have about men, this confuses and infuriates me the most. can somebody please explain this to me? how lazy does it make a gender look when you universally complain about something which would take less than a second to rectify? plus, its been researched at harvard that leaving the toliet seat up actually improves the airflow in the room and has a positive effect on your immune system.
for those still griping about the callousness and inconsiderateness of leaving the seat up, just think of all the potentially objectionable things we do and put up with, and never complain about:
sleeping in the wet spot
eating the, ummm, you know.
***seriously, i enjoy doing it, but, you have to admit, the vagina is one of the most intimidating looking substances on the planet. imagine if you had never seen one before, and the earth was invaded by a bunch of 8 foot tall vagina monsters. you’re telling me that wouldnt scare the sh*t out of you? a bunch of drippy, stretchy, flappy, leaky, multi-colored beings that spit random red substances at their whim? spielberg or eli roth couldnt even dream of something more frightening, but we still happily partake with our tongues a blazing and necks a crampin.***
kissing after fellatio
***someone, please tell me. what is it in your minds that triggers the thought “cool, i’ve just had my mouth on his meat for the past five and a half minutes…this would be a perfect time to kiss him!!! i’m sure he’s always been curious about the relish of semen, especially his own“? please, somebody, explain this to me***
four words: pantyhose in the sink
3. YOUR WEIGHT
from this point on, we will not take even a hint of blame anymore for the masochistic obsession you all have with your weight. it is finished.
of course, i know that women are judged to a different standard body-wise than we are, and i do realize that for many women, self-image/attractiveness and percieved self-worth have a direct correlation, but the only people who give a damn about a stretch mark on your boob or reserve hero worship for ultra-waifish chicks are gay men and other women. thats it. nobody else. we’re no longer to be blamed for anorexia, bulimia, siberia, rihanna, and any other eating related disease thats been invented in the past 25 years. its over.
this is a start. if these things can’t be rectified soon, we’re prepared to protest and boycott certainsh*t until our demands our met. i have a crew of n-words right behind me (insert phrase that rhymes with “go slowmo”) ready to follow my lead. be afraid, women. be very afraid.
—the champ
I totally agree with you on the sitcoms. Anybody watched Every body loves Raymond??? It almost turned me off marriage!!!
For the toilet seat thing, I will even go one step further: who decided that the way it ought to be is down? The men can also be mad because women always leave the seat down! It’s a tad ridiculous, IMO.
So I’ll support the movement, as long as these two asides are kept on the list of negotiations:
- Eating, the ummm, you know.. &
- Kissing after fellatio… Come on, it’s sexy…
“Kissing after fellatio… Come on, it’s sexy…
”
i agree, but only if by “sexy” you mean “saddening”
so what do you want her to do ? get up rinse out and come back?
I think there should be at least a five minute “cooling” period
MAN LAW!
*bangs gavel*
I second
Dorian, Darling Dorian do me a favor~take that gavel and shove it…
“so what do you want her to do ? get up rinse out and come back”
there are other parts of the body that can be kissed. its the shower towel theory, basically. you dont wipe your face directly after you wipe your ass, regardless of how “clean” you might be, right?
But its YOUR peen! I just dont get it. Most of the time its dudes who go in for the post-bj kiss anyway.
Exactly.
then kiss that dude. if the guy dont go for it dont do it. most guys dont like the taste of their own tool.
If dude is washing correctly and maintaining his cleanliness standards then there s/b no taste of tool.
- http://www.mrswagger.com
Thank you Fly Guy…ha!
Fly Guy teaches:
“If dude is washing correctly and maintaining his cleanliness standards then there s/b no taste of tool.”
i’m not saying i do or i dont kiss after. neither am i judging but dingy doot aside. is it ok if you tatse a lil pre-ejaculate in ur trap. (rhetorical) it may not be so FLY guy, if u taste a lil pre-cum on ur tongue. my ex had me on that pineapple juice to sweeten it up so if u taste a lil of that then u know its me. signature. (u are what u eat)
http://www.pimppimphooray.com
like i said before, i’m not worried about the “peen” as much as the “peen mustard”. i think i can honestly say that i wouldnt mind living my entire life without having to taste my own peen mustard.
LOL once you put it like that Champ, I agree. I’m not going in for a kiss after mustard has been guzzled down. I know a handful of cats who will go in for the kiss immediately after the mustard has been spit/swallowed and justify it with “well, its all mine so its cool.” Im just not there yet
LOL @ its the shower towel theory, basically. you dont wipe your face directly after you wipe your ass, regardless of how “clean” you might be, right?
Actually, I use two separate things ……. LOL.
However, I do see the point you’re trying to make and I agree it should go both ways.
“For the toilet seat thing, I will even go one step further: who decided that the way it ought to be is down? The men can also be mad because women always leave the seat down! It’s a tad ridiculous, IMO.”
I could care less about the toilet seat. I hope it gives me an edge in the dating pool …………. LOL.
***seriously, i enjoy doing it, but, you have to admit, the vagina is one of the most intimidating looking substances on the planet. imagine if you had never seen one before, and the earth was invaded by a bunch of 8 foot tall vagina monsters. you’re telling me that wouldnt scare the sh*t out of you? a bunch of drippy, stretchy, flappy, leaky, multi-colored beings that spit random red substances at their whim? spielberg or eli roth couldnt even dream of something more frightening, but we still happily partake with our tongues a blazing and necks a crampin.***
um…if anyone’s va jay jay is leaky and/or multi-colored, you need to get away from that very fast. unless thats what you like…A walking multi colored syphil-herpes death trap.
“um…if anyone’s va jay jay is leaky and/or multi-colored, you need to get away from that very fast. unless thats what you like…A walking multi colored syphil-herpes death trap.”
Really!!!lol
“um…if anyone’s va jay jay is leaky and/or multi-colored, you need to get away from that very fast. unless thats what you like…A walking multi colored syphil-herpes death trap.”
mz. jenn and ms t, i have a good friend named “hyperbole” that i’d like you both to meet, because its obvious neither of you have ever met or heard of her.
BOOOOOOO.
It’s a subject and a predicate.
“be afraid, women. be very afraid.”
NOBODY IS SCARED OF YOU OR PANAMA’S ARMY OF BABY PANDAS…NOBODY!
lol…baby pandas
please. i know all i hafta do to get you all verklempt is make a tiny AKA joke. you cant stand any heat, so get back in the kitchen.
Signore Campeone, I already told you what I intend to do should the AKA bashing continue. You caught me at a weak moment yesterday, but I am regrouped so I say Bring it! I got you and your little dog too.
my little dog?
reference to the Wizard of Oz/The Wiz
***smh***
“reference to the Wizard of Oz/The Wiz”
lol…somebody seems intent on dating themselves today
What’s up w/you and the age-ist stuff, Champ? Was that AKA that hurt your feelings also in her mid-30′s?
I can’t keep letting you take jabs @ the 30+ crowd. You know you’re going to want somebody to vouch for you when you apply for your Club Card.
(Somebody has “mommy” issues. At least “big sister” issues. Hmph.)
“What’s up w/you and the age-ist stuff, Champ? Was that AKA that hurt your feelings also in her mid-30’s?”
everybody gets a jab from the champ, even old broads.
ok, ok…i’m sorry, lol. i couldnt pass that one up.
hm they may be babys they may be pandas but by God they are bears and will debone you from the knee down.
first off, my baby panda will whip your baby panda’s a$$ 8 days out the week.
ol’ capital letter killer.
8 days? are you on a different calendar than the rest of us?
call me a jerk, but um…i smell a reprint.
Shots fired @ the Champ
lol…shes right. this topic is 4 years old. it’s reprinted from my old website, with a ton of edits.
she’s still a hater though
*shocked and appalled* Not the CHAMP doing a repeat!
I hate to say it or sound like the hated “d*ckrider” but I must come to the champ’s defense. The champ can do as he pleases.
“I hate to say it or sound like the hated “d*ckrider” but I must come to the champ’s defense. The champ can do as he pleases.”
thanks and sh*t and reminding everyone, peyso
dam@n FOUR years???!!!!????
something is bound to be reinspired or reappropriated or remixed…just a tad…don’t you think so Miss Patterson?
i’m with you comeback…i’ve done it too…all the cool kids do it in fact.
P let the record show that that inspired thought I had at 9:34 EST came from a most sacred space across the street, with green aprons, cute baristas, and liquid crack steamed to a heavenly 180 degrees.
viva la Starbucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
viva deez.
everytime you mention “the Man”, i shall mention deez.
coffee globalization is what keeps the world markets afloat.
The world’s great depression, will never happen because I had a latte, for real!!!
so……viva deez ovaries.
you do realize that adding any word after “…deez” (aside from ‘nuts’) renders it less entertaining. woosah.
“viva deez ovaries”
this is actually the title of the spanish version of the vagina monologues.
“this is actually the title of the spanish version of the vagina monologues.”
…so if you had a vagina Champ…and that vagina was a tree, what kind of tree would your vagina be.
“…so if you had a vagina Champ…and that vagina was a tree, what kind of tree would your vagina be.”
hmmm…have you been in the corner yet?
…so if you had a vagina Champ…and that vagina was a tree, what kind of tree would your vagina be
LMAO!!!!
this tickled me so
Pan, Now you can get the attire to match your favorite phrase!
http://www.thelifefiles.com/do-you-need-some-of-dz-nuts/#comments
Nothing’s wrong with a remix err’y now and then.
“someone, please tell me. what is it in your minds that triggers the thought “cool, i’ve just had my mouth on his meat for the past five and a half minutes…this would be a perfect time to kiss him!!! ”
Well my sweet dear Campion, if its clean enough for our mouths why would you have a problem putting your mouth on ours? I mean you are clean, right? You bathe everyday, right? You wash your nuts, right? and sometimes more than once a day. So what is the problem?
Is it a little too salty for you?
Have some toast~ get back to me
This logic is ridiculous your honor. I demand the defense’s case be thrown out and immediatedly sentenced to 1000′s hours of community servicing me.
“sentenced to 1000’s hours of community servicing me.”
Only in your dreams DG! Only in your wildest DREAMS!
LOL
i’m gonna agree with the intellectual hedonist on this one. also my current – ahem – jumpoff is the one who initiates the kissing after getting some, so unless i just found an extra freaky dude, i don’t see nothing wrong….
…with a little tongue and grind.
***Wednesday Evening Bible Study, 7pm Ebenezer Baptist Church***
Yay’men!
Seriously, we are adults having a shared experience. I wouldn’t hold the ejaculate in my mouth and kiss you before swallowing, but if you can kiss me right after you bless me, I can do the same.
“I wouldn’t hold the ejaculate in my mouth and kiss you before swallowing”
well, this is the key. sure, if you wanna take the time to gargle and swallow, then its all good. i’m referring to the seeded tongue kiss.
It’s called snowballing Champ (I had an internship @ a steel mill where they speak spanish, swearing, and dirty jokes) **shudders in disgust** Sometimes I wish I had someone to warn me like in old school “earmuffs” $@#$#%@@#4
“It’s called snowballing Champ”
thats information i wish i could unlearn
I know earmuffs right? I apologize but after I learned what a strawberry shortcake was in ‘the aristocrats’ and that internship I’m numb.
LMAO!! I’ll be there! Maybe we should save a seat for the CHAMP.
he might need a whole row for himself
“sleeping in the wet spot”
LOL, I aint sleeping in no wetspot, that’s is a mans god given right!
right after “eating the, ummm, you know.”
“from this point on, we will not take even a hint of blame anymore for the masochistic obsession you all have with your weight. it is finished.”
I Understand where these women are coming from, I myself am 2 secure in myself to give a monkeys a** about my weight, but I’ve met men (straight men) who have a weight requirement…or limit should I say.
“I’ve met men (straight men) who have a weight requirement”
This is one area where white women have it tough because I’ve met a lot who said that their boyfriend/husband will leave them if they put on weight.
Yo, I am Queen Nefertiti reincarnated…as black as they come!
But I was talking about BREDDAS! Not some snowball dudes and their snowball counterparts…breddas, are talking about…she’s kinda “big”, “chunky”, “she looks like she likes food more than me”, etc. And these same breddas telling wifey she need’s to go gym on a daily basis.
When it comes down to it, most breddas are all about the big bootyd, small waisted female, with model legs and a pretty face.
Look no further than their bedroom walls/screen savers/secret porn selection.
This is one area where white women have it tough because I’ve met a lot who said that their boyfriend/husband will leave them if they put on weight.
yeah I have a co worker whose husbnd recently told her she had to lose 30 pounds because he no longer found her attractive and would either leave her or cheat… I was like “WHAT” now this bytch at work on dexatrim, phentermine, and drinking slim fast nervous as a mutha fugga shakin and shyt waiting to go off, like a ticking time bomb…
“now this bytch at work on dexatrim, phentermine, and drinking slim fast nervous as a mutha fugga shakin and shyt waiting to go off, like a ticking time bomb…”
Dang. I feel sorry for her—at the rate she’s going, she’s going to kill herself and then he’s going to end up with someone else anyway.
That may have been his plan all along.
haha, STILL!
This is a throat punch situation.
*cosign*definitely a vocal chord assault situation…
“yeah I have a co worker whose husband recently told her she had to lose 30 pounds because he no longer found her attractive and would either leave her or cheat”
now that’s a man who knows what he wants!
*looking around at trove of women staring daggers at me*
what??
Yeah, I see nothing wrong with this.
“but I’ve met men (straight men) who have a weight requirement…or limit should I say.”
two things:
1. any guy that approaches and bags a woman, and then complains how she looks later on is a closet ***starts with “q” and rhymes with “beer”***
2. at the same time though, i can understand a person, male or female, being upset if their significant other gained (or lost) 60 pounds within six months of them being together. thats a broach of the implicit relationship contract everybody signs when you’re first together.
Do expound a bit on this contract. Are there exceptions to this contract? Isn’t being in a relationship about inner growth just as much as physical or the lack there of in this case. Thats why a lot of women are so stuck on their weight. I’ve seen in many cases where women stay the same and the husband gains a gut. Isn’t this against the contract?!?!
“I’ve seen in many cases where women stay the same and the husband gains a gut. Isn’t this against the contract?!?!”
I think this is against the contract. I’ve seen it too. I feel like if I go to the gym to keep in decent shape you should too.
Nah it doesn’t work against us like that. This is one instance where the double standard works in our favor because as we gain weight it just means we have to make more money.
**blowing you a kiss**
Thank you boo
@ Dorian G~
**taking my kiss back**
I’m nobody’s “BOO”
I abhor that term
**walking away disgusted**
I tried my best and I failed miserably, the lesson here: Never Try
- Homer Simpson
thank you would have been sufficient
Is there a wedding vow that goes “for richer and for poorer, for sickness and in health, for glutastic routundness and in shape” ?
I think I’m gonna have that worked into my vows. Along with a bunch of other things…lol
“Do expound a bit on this contract. Are there exceptions to this contract? I’ve seen in many cases where women stay the same and the husband gains a gut. Isn’t this against the contract?!?!”
you’re right. like redman, it goes both ways. it also does have a waiver for things that extreme sickness or pregnancy that could drastically alter your body. ninjas need to start reading the fine print and sh*t
“…straight men have become american culture’s whipping boys.”
Puh-leeze. This ain’t new. My white male friends been singing this ‘woe is the man’ song for, well since a long ass time ago. It’s so bad, they can’t even get enough straight-white-man points to fill up all the presidential candidate slots. Edwards knew his ass didn’t have a shot cus he wasn’t getting any legacy points for the whole white straight man thing.
Hush up all of y’all and go scratch, drink beer, and grunt!
“Hush up all of y’all and go scratch, drink beer, and grunt!”
make me
giggle I love it when they think they are punnishing us. Shshshshsh they comin
you are such a punk
“think about it, seemingly every popular sitcom revolves around the same basic premise: men are f*cking dumb as hell. ”
since the begining of time we women have also been type cast, either we are the smart non sexy chic, or the super hot dumb bimbo. I only need to point you in the direction of
Charlies Angels ~JILL (Farah Fawcett v. KELLY (Jaclyn Smith)
Gilligan’s Island ~ Maryanne (Dawn Wells) v. Ginger (Tina Louise)
Three’s Company ~ Janet (Joyce Dewitt) v. Chrissy (Suzanne Sommers)
all of these shows are the shows I grew up with, and these were the representations women on tv. Welcome to our world!
I blame Aaron Spelling and Merv Griffin
Damn if I didnt just date myself
time to go to bed
so its my fault you picked the wrong decade to grow up in?
ouch.
yeah cause if you and P can blame Jim Jones for errrthing I can blame you that on a cool August afternoon in 1971 my mom decided to give some to my dad cause he left the toilet seat down. It’s all YOUR fault!
LOLOLOL @ “decided to give some to my dad cause he left the toilet seat down. “
but Jim Jones is at fault for everything. this is scientific fact backed up by 8 morehouse professors, three harvard professors and one scientologist celebrity. we tried to get some howard professors in on this, but they were too busy trying to figure out exactly what a freakey zeeky was.
The revoluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutttiiiiiiiiiiiioooonnnnnn will NOT be blogged!
*Throws up powerful straight man fist and bows head*
LMAO!!!!
hahaha! LOL
now that i’m done being a jerk, i will say this….i never looked at sitcoms as making men look bad as much as making women look bad. yes, the husbands are ignorant as all hell but the wives are usually nagging, too serious, and have temperamental libidos. but i do feel your pain Champ, they could make the men on these shows a little smarter and a little more sensitive.
secondly, i’ve never had a live-in so the toilet seat thing has yet to be a personal battle. i do however like the under part of the toilet seat to be clean because you all have terrible aim.
and weight…hmmm that one is tricky. it depends on if we’re talking about black men or white men. it also depends on if we’re talking about black men that went to Shadyside Academy (a mostly white prep school in the Burgh) or Westinghouse (one of the hoodest public school in the Burgh *ducking*). Typically, Black men don’t like chicken bones, they like meat. However, even within the confines of Black men’s definitions of ‘thick’ and their appeal to big booties, curvy thighs and tig ol’s i’ve seen a (straight) brother or 10 turn up his nose to stretch marks. in other words, i blame men. (lol)
And lastly, I’d like to add rappers to this list, if i may. I blame them for the trendiness of being corrupt, misogynist, callous, chauvinist, and contradictory. Why else would my underage cousins think it’s cool to call one of their female classmates a bytch for not putting out like a video ho, then threaten to cut someone for stepping to their sister for the same inappropriate behavior.
i realize i’m full of generalizations today. and to this i say, sue me.
“the wives are usually nagging, too serious, and have temperamental libidos”
…and this is a misrepresentation how?
See, this is why i dont like you Champ. smart @ss!
“See, this is why i dont like you Champ. smart @ss!”
by “don’t” you mean “really”, right?
“And lastly, I’d like to add rappers to this list, if i may. I blame them for the trendiness of being corrupt, misogynist, callous, chauvinist, and contradictory. Why else would my underage cousins think it’s cool to call one of their female classmates a bytch for not putting out like a video ho, then threaten to cut someone for stepping to their sister for the same inappropriate behavior.”
hey hey, stop snitchin.
“And lastly, I’d like to add rappers to this list, if i may.”
We’re STILL blaming rappers for the behavior of other people?? I guess that never goes out of style, huh? I need to start tryin’ this shyt and see if it works.
“You’re honor, Ice-T and SugaFree provoked me to call that girl a bytch.”
Wonder if that’ll fly…
on your first point – i don’t watch sitcoms for their formulaic humour and stereotyping of characters which generally gets on my t*ts (will and grace is the only exception to this, but as none of the main characters are straight men, it doesn’t count).
and honestly, yes straight men are responsible for a lot of f**ked up sh*t. and yes, they pretty much get the best of everything. so it’s hard to feel sympathetic exactly, but take comfort in this: the boobies you see hoisted up in that victoria’s secret bra? done just for you. straight men get ragged on, but the vast majority of women still want your attention anyway.
– television sidenote: anyone watch the new episode of house? (mmmmm dr house could get it)
LOL! Dr House could definately get it, I was thinking bout that last night watching the promos.
I need to see that, still!
Puff, House is an interesting show. His bed side manners aren’t good but that man can diagnois(excuse spelling)
an issue so fast.
– television sidenote: anyone watch the new episode of house? (mmmmm dr house could get it
He’s such an azzhole, but I find that attractive…lmao
Limping and all…lol
OMG! I thought I was the only one looking greasy at House – something about him weilding that cane is hella sexy. Ok, that may be t.m.i. – but y’all brought it up.
“OMG! I thought I was the only one looking greasy at House – something about him weilding that cane is hella sexy”
sounds like someone has granddaddy issues
it’s the fact that i grew up watching all his english sh*t where he was this awkward, bumbling fellow and now he crossed the pond and got all cynical and moody and grew facial hair…
basically, he’s my boy next door who’s all grown and swexy now. and that cane seems like a mighty fun prop…
“the boobies you see hoisted up in that victoria’s secret bra? done just for you.”
i’ll let panama tackle this, since he’s the resident wonderbra guru at vsb
Oh my…I see nothing attractive about Dr. House. But then again, I am the one w/the crush on Tony Soprano, I guess I wouldn’t.
Ya’ll have fun w/the rude doctor. I’ll get my jollies w/the murderin’ mafioso.
“the boobies you see hoisted up in that victoria’s secret bra? ”
yeah, but what am i supposed to do when you unhoist them joints and i get punched downward by a wayward mammary gland that was being held upward against its will?
deception!!! deception!!!
GAMAWb
(grown a$$ men against wonderbras)
yeah, but what am i supposed to do when you unhoist them joints and i get punched downward by a wayward mammary gland that was being held upward against its will?
thanks, i just choked on my water.
and for the record, i do not use a wonderbra – my joints do not require scaffolding/aerodynamic anti-gravity space technology to keep them upright, just gentle uplift and separation
hhhmmm **daydream grinning**
All in the Family was a great show (and I’m not white). Edith was witless, clumsy and unattractive. I’m not saying that Archie was a beau, but next time you run up on a re-run of the show, take a second and realize that it’s just the white version of Sanford and Son. Granted, Archie was depicted as an idiot in every single episode, but I’m just arguing the female part.
I love All In The Family…solid show.
all in the family might actually have been the most important show in the history of tv, especially when you consider the social and political ground it broke, as well as the numerous spin-offs it produced (including the jeffersons, and maude)
.
“seriously, i enjoy doing it, but, you have to admit, the vag!na is one of the most intimidating looking substances on the planet. imagine if you had never seen one before, and the earth was invaded by a bunch of 8 foot tall vag!na monsters. you’re telling me that wouldnt scare the sh*t out of you? “
And pen!ses look like cuddly teddy bears? Boy please. If a hoard of 8 foot d!ngal!ng monsters, invaded the earth with n*ts just a-swanging, we’d all be running for our lives.
dont forget to add the fact you have major forrest action going on around those boys (and by boys I mean NUTS). Cause though most men will complain if you don’t keep Valerie Vajay trimmed and neat they aren’t risking clipping on of the boys to keep themselves neatly landscaped.
Steven King should write a book about it
Nah this screen play has Woody Allen written all over it.
Def. an Allen production. He already did “Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex* (*But Were Afraid to Ask).” He might as well show his take on giant peen monsters attacking planet earth.
and the Vaj sequel
Really…ya’lls thangs ain’t cute neither.
But a man that up keeps the trimming the ball sack regional area is labeled gay or a porn star
I’m not saying full bald wax or anything, just some basic maintenance.
trim deez
hah!!!
That why the next chick you get with is gonna look like she’s got a gorilla in figure four thighlock…
hee-hee!!
circa the evil kitten stare from the movie waiting. Frighteningly hilarious
“hah!!!
That why the next chick you get with is gonna look like she’s got a gorilla in figure four thighlock…
hee-hee!!”
i like gorillas
thank you, I mean really when I gag it should be cause you (man) hit the nerve that sets off my gag reflex not because I have a hairball in my throat
**video safe for work**
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hb2F-xAsDdw
You feel me IH?! *daps*
***soul sister dap to Miss T-lee***
***soul sister dap to Miss T-lee***
is that giving dap to a chick while Bilal’s “soul sister” is playing?
“is that giving dap to a chick while Bilal’s “soul sister” is playing?”
This is funny…
me and my breakfast vanilla yogurt with granola: mad at that video! LOL
hair in my mouth during BJ=the most embarrassing PBG secksual experience.
At least I was married to the bamma @ the time. But still…manscape, please!!
not at all — unless i am the lone representative of a contingent of women for that cause.
if i find myself in the ‘dome giving’ position and am confronted by all the foilage of the hundred acre wood beyond the zipper? Not.A.Good.Look.
(ugh. or smell)
one time *might* get away with just a warning but afterwards i’m inclined to say either you trim, i trim it for you or we all go to sleep. if its a choice between a tented sheet or me with pruning sheers vs his jewels — the clippers win.
if men perfer their women like pornstars why not reciprocate?
” hundred acre wood ”
Okay..I seriously just had to put my head down on my desk…lmao!!!
All I could think about was Tigger bouncing his happy a$$ out of the “hundred acre wood”… I need a ventilator and quick!
Piglet!!!!
“if men perfer their women like pornstars why not reciprocate?”
who said this? i dont mind a little parm on the chicken, not at all
“parm on the chicken”
I gotta use this sometime this week…
parm. on. thechicken.
i cant! omg
*falls dead* and would furthermore like to thank the academy.
with that i see someone being naughty w a whole raw scaly chicken doused with parmesan sake-out-of-the-green-can cheese.
**falls out again**
Not at all gay or porn star.
There is nothing funny about choking on some stray curly strand of hair.
I promise.
And by “ain’t cute” what we mean is “hella ugly”.
ctfu
*getting up off my knees and deeply kissing “he that sleeps in the wet spot”*
I am a male advocate, so I will whole heartedly support this movement…it is about dayum time…but I would like to go on record as having voiced my extreme unreadiness and absolute abhorrence for this whole “anti-wet-spot-sleeing/post-dome-kissing” subculture you seem to have spawned here. I go on “lack of paycheck” leave for like a week and come back to check on you and THIS is what I come home to? (smh) my 2 points of contention are these:
wet-spot-itis: if you’re man enough to make your woman bring the “rain”, you shouldn’t mind sleeping in puddles…be proud of your accomplishment…honestly, I don’t mind switching places or snuggling together to avoid the spot altogether, but your absolute refusal to go the h3ll to sleep is a little, ok a lot, less than masculine…wet spot means you had sex…it’s one of those GOOD problems…get a towel, lay it in the bed and shuddafuggupni99a!
post-felatio frenching: I have NEVER heard (or read) such fooleywangedness in my life! I get men that can’t wait to kiss me, you know, after… and it’s always a deep, passionate, yomowfizmajikuhl type kiss…like a thank you for a job well done..lol…so enjoy my education, gimme some suga and shuddafuggupni99a!
(flashback) hmmm, speaking of which…I had a GREAT time earning extra special h3ll points Saturday…
but I digress…change that sh1t and I’m on board ahunnit percent..
**winks at “HTSITWS” and gets back to my “job”**
what? just cuz I don’t get a W-2 doesn’t mean I ain’t “putting in work”…lol… I kid, I kid… a little!
SI SE PUEDE!
wet-spot-itis: if you’re man enough to make your woman bring the “rain”, you shouldn’t mind sleeping in puddles…be proud of your accomplishment…honestly, I don’t mind switching places or snuggling together to avoid the spot altogether, but your absolute refusal to go the h3ll to sleep is a little, ok a lot, less than masculine…wet spot means you had sex…it’s one of those GOOD problems…get a towel, lay it in the bed and shuddafuggupni99a!
see…i’m not complaining about the wet spot. the wet spot is fun, practically and ego-ly. i’m just saying that if we can do that without prompting, then ya’ll can deal with the damn toilet, thats all
return of the foolywang…. lol
wet-spot-itis: if you’re man enough to make your woman bring the “rain”, you shouldn’t mind sleeping in puddles…be proud of your accomplishment…
LOL! Welcome back!
Waa waa. Men ruin the world, get all the privilges and then want to whine because TV makes them look silly. You sound like if a group of White men formed a group to protest the portrayl of the White man on Black sitcoms as White Mike and Bullethead. At the end of the day….advantage= y’all. Besides. we ARE smarter and if we could reign in our emotions long enough, we’d take over the word.
And the weight thing. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiit. Men DEFINITELY have a lot to do with that!
PS- How do y’all end up with a wet spot during $ex? Is it from the rhythym method? Cause I always use condoms and have not experienced that. Sweaty sheets? Yes. Wet spot? No.
Wet spot usually occurs when a woman’s vagina is highly lubricated…”the most beautifulest thing in this world”.
Props on the White Mike reference; I forgot about that character.
Msgt V dub points out:
“Wet spot usually occurs when a woman’s vagina is highly lubricated…”the most beautifulest thing in this world”.
…is just like that. i get in ya. Keith Murray
yeh man!
…that’s why you loving me, cause can’t nobody do it better. Keith Murray
I gotta shout out your name MS Vernon Waters.
I love that movie.
oh…and welcome and sh*t, msvw
“Wet spot usually occurs when a woman’s vagina is highly lubricated…”the most beautifulest thing in this world”.”
***nodding head with silent and steady approval***
I’ll show you how to get the wt spot……. lol jk.
*Only joking if you found it offensive* lol
No wonder you mad at men, you ain’t never got the wet spot treatment.
Its all so clear now…lol
LMAO!
Dorian kills me at least once a day, lol.
I can’t.
“No wonder you mad at men, you ain’t never got the wet spot treatment.
Its all so clear now…lol”
***flatlining***
I told yall that bwyoy got a gift
Booo! I’ve had great floods of happiness from terrible men. I just don’t leave a wet spot. Is something wrong with me?
Chuckle.
Nah, I’m perfect.
4 real show me
um yeah
———–> ***direction of time out chair***
you know where you need to go
Can I get a snack some cheetoos? flamin hots? Dreadnought IPA?
Time out means TIME OUT
no cheetos, no video ho’s, nothing. Sit in silence till someone, and by someone I mean me, tells you you can return
ummm…when are you and ms. p gonna really that you two don’t have any corner-sending power?
ya’ll are like the nieces at thanksgiving, who “help” with the meals by making cookies in your easy bake ovens
Chill son, don’t talk about my e-boo like that.
That was funny though lmao!
‘e-boo’! i love that… kinda like ‘work husband’
@Champ~you know what just like at Thanksgiving when the parents are out the room me and Miss P we handlin’ things around here. OK
Ouch.
@Toldja…in the corner, it has been my experience that “wet spot” is generated by the female explosion, not the male…I think it is typically a problem (if you can even call it that, lol) with “squirters”, g-spot 0rg@sms, and perhaps the occasional RKelly bed wetter…but that’s another blog altogether…lol
“I think it is typically a problem (if you can even call it that, lol) with “squirters”, g-spot 0rg@sms,”
…consider me guilty as charged, however there is a SIMPLE remedy for the wet spot…a hand towel. yes i’ve been known to place a nice dry hand towel over the wet spot until it dries.
if said orgasm was massive(praying to sweet baby Jesus), then the full towel is brought into play.
either way wet spots are curable mishaps fellas…lol.
and if by hand towel you really mean beach towel yeah count me in.
Hedo says:
[to Tessh about dealing with wet spots] “and if by hand towel you really mean beach towel yeah count me in.”
is it like that Hedo? beach towel action? consistently? don’t play with me…. i am not to be f-ed with in this manner. tell me.
even if she is playin I’m feelin more and more appreciated by the fantasy… I mean minute.
once upon a time, I gave a quilted plastic lined mattress protector as a gift, to a man that I had been giving the business to. We laughed our a$$es off when he opened it. Then he promptly stripped the bed and it went to good use.
oh I’ve said too much
**walking away**
TAKE ME WITH YOU! oops did I type that aloud?
Teesh u and that wet spot. don’t even worry about curing it, softness. i keep bath towels (not to be confrused with face towels) in a drawer next to the bed for such as this. ..and it aint nothing like feeling, seeing a wett spot thru panties. i thank the 30 yr. old Jesus and the baby Jesus for that. (bless me father for i have sinned) Lord knows i just wanna talk freaky nasty sexy right now until u wet urself. ur like a ripe plum about to burst and i jus wanna play so many salacious, lascivious, erotic, games right now. anticipate my love. don’t anticipate my love. exciting! calm urself. hmm…
thanks for the “appreciation day” even though yall may be doing it to later remind us how much yall do for us. and even with ur hopelessly romantic view of love and its youthful expectation. …and even though i dont usually have it for vertically challenged munchkins, i will always have a special place in my hard, just for you. big up to florida oranges and tangerines bursting with vitamin…
ok squirt back to ur mission.
luv u babe.
that was disgustingly beautiful. *sobbing*
…you had me at “u and that wet spot.”
p.s. we’re not doing it to throw it up in your face later, a little optimism please. we’re doing cause we love you and sh*t…dang.
“and even though i dont usually have it for vertically challenged munchkins”
…wait, did you just call me short?!?!? oooooh hell naw…naggas!
Teesh recognizes:
“…wait, did you just call me short?!?!?”
talk of ur wettness was so gooood that u didn’t even recognize it. …and i’m sure ur so damp i wouldn’t even care. lol!
squeezably soft meets smooth and hard.
kiss urself
ummmm….GK…I am short…you KNOW you love it…so retract your munchkins statement…lol…and I don’t even need to comment on the face towel vs beach towel discussion now do I?
damn. this entire comment is gonna make me get extra toast this morning.
OR…get our site blocked in 38 countries and Guam.
did I miss something, is Guam not a country?
nope, its just a US Territory. do da knowledge.
IDK
thanks and ish
knowledge is power
banned? i’ll get this site picked up by emerging superpowers and sovreign city states across the globe. sh*******t Jack!
Panama Jackson secretly known to some as Wiz Khalifa. get me the next video deal and we can break bread. this is my body, this is my blood…
alien cultures just reported to have felt my vibrations on vsb in the next galaxy and the khan nebula. the khan is interstellar with it.
bout to hop in my u.f.o and get the f*ck outta dodge. what i care about ur whip and what u swerving. i didn’t even plan on doing this much posting. when i return from the ways of the wilds, we can debrief.
genius khan has left the galaxy…
“Panama Jackson secretly known to some as Wiz Khalifa”
PITTSBURGH STAND UP!!!
Wiz Khalifa effervescent.
genius khan evanescent…
[engages warp drive]
If yall were gonna get blocked by the soft porn antics of GK, it would’a happened already.
No worries!
Wondermous knows:
“…blocked by the soft porn antics of GK, it would’a happened already.
No worries!”
no worries indeed just wett panties. preferably of the sheer kind. puts u in a nice dress, feel good against ur skin for the pressin. the right time and place for the undressin and u can anticipate the stiffness of genius khan for the blessing…
luv u too 8th.
“luv u too 8th.”
Take the “too” out, and this would be accurate.
lol.
“no worries indeed just wett panties. preferably of the sheer kind. puts u in a nice dress, feel good against ur skin for the pressin. the right time and place for the undressin and u can anticipate the stiffness of genius khan for the blessing…”
No u didn’t…**cough, cough**…That’s some good sh*t Mr Genius Kahn, respect to thee…but not the insidious kind, sensual sensibilty served to the boundries of corpius, blogg zion bows to thee VSB morpheous, red or blue condom gets you into the matrix, then to the matress where we can eternally trade trix…hahahaahah that was fun
It’s making me glad I got up early for the chorizo n cheese omlet.
me and my husband have never argued about the toilet seat.. People really trip about this in real life?
Yeah, who cares about the toilette seat?!? I don’t! just remember to clean up your shaving from around the sink and please NO TOOTHPASTE in the sink. Be a gentleman and clean up after yourself.
“please NO TOOTHPASTE in the sink. Be a gentleman and clean up after yourself.
”
this is a new one
not new, you must be one of the few that actually rinses the sink after he brushes his teef
Separate bathrooms is a beautiful thing.
Sitcom – to be honest it seemed like most of the sitcoms were in you guys favor. I have to admit I don’t watch a lot of the sitcoms that come on now because they don’t appeal to me. The only 30 minute sitcom I really watch is The Game on CW and I admit I do it because of the male eye-candy and the other shows—well they are lacking so I don’t watch them. The other shows that I actually do watch portray males as smart beings—you know like CSIs, Criminal Minds, The Unit & NCIS and I almost forgot House.
The Toilet Seat – there should be a compromise here (everybody just close the entire seat down…then everybody will be satisfied…lol); however in the middle of the night when a woman has to get up to use the bathroom and she’s half sleepy as is, the last thing she wants to do is sit down and almost fall in the white hole of a toilet seat—disgusting. That’s why some women complain about it being up.
If people are afraid of falling into toilet seats because they’re too lazy to put it down when half asleep, they shouldn’t complain about what happens when a half asleep guy is too lazy to put it up.
**sign language applause** coupled with **arsenio hall barking and fist pumping**
The truth is what it is. Some folks make it into a big deal.
“however in the middle of the night when a woman has to get up to use the bathroom and she’s half sleepy as is, the last thing she wants to do is sit down and almost fall in the white hole of a toilet seat—disgusting. That’s why some women complain about it being up.”
this is actually one of the relationship wonderlic tests. basically, if a woman is dumb enough to fall into the damn toilet, than she obviously isn’t worthy of a guaranteed contract
and the chuuch said, ‘yay-men’
seriously, do none of you actually LOOK before you leap??
Shay asked if people argue about this, but hell i’m more surprised that women actually don’t pay any attention…
the hell do y’all do, walk backwards the whole way??
I can’t answer for all but you guys want to know why it’s a big deal–so I broke it down for you.
If you have brothers, you know to make sure the seat is down. Those habits are hard to break even when living by yourself.
Thats some BS anyway. When im sleep/drunk/both, and the toilet cover is down, i dont just start pissing all over it, i put it up, then proceed to piss in the trashcan next to it
“i dont just start pissing all over it, i put it up, then proceed to piss in the trashcan next to it”
this made laugh so hard i had to close my office door. i laugh b/c its true.
No Mo recalls;
“When im sleep/drunk/both, and the toilet cover is down, i dont just start pissing all over it, i put it up, then proceed to piss in the trashcan next to it.”
(in a Denzell tone) my nig*a… so rebelious. …and nasty. my roommate used to do this overseas when he was drunk. i used to call him “the man with 12 brains”
salute!
you are a fool everyday, even on Wednesdays.
Let me get some homemade coffee and generic cornflakes in me, and I’ll be back to weigh in on this one. Can’t think straight w/out the generic cornflakes.
“Can’t think straight w/out the generic cornflakes.”
what type of milk do you use? also, do you add sugar?
2% and yes, a lil’ sugar.
Happy Black Men’s Appreciation Day fellas!! I haven’t been here in a minute but I had to stop by the place that began my love affair for blogging to tell Panama and Champ how much I appreciate all you do for my day!
Oh and if it hadn’t been for your site I wouldn’t have stumbled across my sweetie’s site, so for that alone I am sending you hugs and kisses!!
To all the other men on this site, genius, don giovanni, d*stroy, the male half of deviant(lol)…and the others that have emerged on the scene in the past couple of months I appreciate you all!!
Oh and I guess I owe Killa Cal a special shout out for introducing your site to me as well, ahhhh the black men I know…you’re all GREAT!!
Ladies today is Black Men’s Appreciation Day, spread the love to every black man you know.
*PSA over, carry on.**
Dayum someone sounds like they got a dose of The D this morning.
LOL…nope, but I have plans for extra helpings this weekend, lol.
The Appreciation Day thing is something that’s been in the works for well over a month now.
thanks and sh*t. tell the killa thanks and sh*t too the next time you talk to him
awww, thanks Teacia. girl…yousosweet (no lisp).
Happy Black Man’s Appreciation Day to all of my brothas! (www.sbm.net)
About the post… the description of the va-jay-jay almost had me throwing up in my mouth!!!!! LOL
“About the post… the description of the va-jay-jay almost had me throwing up in my mouth!!!!! LOL”
lol, exactly
“seriously, i enjoy doing it, but, you have to admit, the vag!na is one of the most intimidating looking substances on the planet. imagine if you had never seen one before, and the earth was invaded by a bunch of 8 foot tall vag!na monsters. you’re telling me that wouldnt scare the sh*t out of you? “
And pen!ses look like cuddly teddy bears? Boy please. If a hoard of 8 foot d!ngal!ng monsters, invaded the earth with n*ts just a-swanging, we’d all be running for our lives.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU…
and champ, your description of a discoloured, leaky va jay-jay was GROSS, just DISGUSTING – who are your playmates, anyway?? and WHY o WHY are their goodies in such poor nick?
crikey.
“and champ, your description of a discoloured, leaky va jay-jay was GROSS, just DISGUSTING – who are your playmates, anyway?? and WHY o WHY are their goodies in such poor nick?”
***referring superwoman to the response left in comment number two***
On the sitcoms tip-I agree. There’s:
My Wife and Kids, Married with Children, King of Queens, I Love New York, Martin, and some others I can’t think of.
But, what about music videos? I think this should be #1, followed by sitcoms. The videos makes brothas seem skin hungry, ass slapping, in love with strippers, ‘so many women to chose from, why not sleep with them all?’ kind of guys.
And on #3, thank you for pointing that out! Seriously, THANK YOU! That is always on a woman’s mind (at least, it’s on mine). And it’s funny because I’m always the one to point out my stretch marks! LOL
Oh, Happy BMA Day!
“The videos makes brothas seem skin hungry, ass slapping, in love with strippers, ’so many women to chose from, why not sleep with them all?’ kind of guys.”
this is a point that nobody talks about, the fact that the videos are just as degrading and misrepresentative to men as they are to women. i weep for the video bro
good post Champion. wish i had time to sink my teef into this 1. btw, yesterday was well written too.
genius khan has left the planet.
thanks and sh*t
I just wanted to co-sign with Nic and Teacia to wish yall Black Men’es a Happy Black Male Appreciation Day.
now that I have gotten all the mushy stuff out of the way….the yaya sisters are still having a secret tree house meeting concerning this male foolishness a.k.a. “inalienable rights”. In all fairness we will discuss said rights until we run out of butter cookies, green tea, or when one of us starts giving a good Got damn…whichever comes first.
If we have enough time (ie enough time to spare without running into Project Runway ) we will even look into adopting this R-E-S-P-E-C-T wite up as the answer to Sojourner Truth ‘s “Aint I A Woman”. Additionally a big ole piece of chicken could be exactly what this men’s movement needs.
“we will even look into adopting this R-E-S-P-E-C-T wite up as the answer to Sojourner Truth ’s “Aint I A Woman”.”
LMAO!
wait…so you all have cookies and didnt even bother to offer to share???
I smell some good ol’ fashion male-bashing coming on…
First,I am utterly shocked that @Toldjah has no inkling of how the wet spot come about!If your man is ‘full a hundred’ then you should have no trouble bringing about a wet spot discussion.
Sitcoms ,I say,are made mostly for middle Americans who benefit from the benefit of doubt when it comes to competitive economics.They prefer to have someone set their stereotypes for them.Waaa!
Nuff man a fret when dem gal kiss dem after she done give dem head.Nah fret if you know that you de don ia.You see me?
@Teacia.I can tell you getting the vibe from the right bredrin.All black men salute you.
All real black men who are not mixing it in a bangarang.I cannot stand American Bishops…..Final.
Awww thanks mister!!
I appreciate the reciprocated love, but today is about YOU!! We love you we do, we love you black meeeen, we love you we do!!
First,I am utterly shocked that @Toldjah has no inkling of how the wet spot come about!
me too. i had to re-read that after i got my toast, just to make sure i didn’t miss anything
I am shocked too Toldja….. but to address the wet spot situation, if I have been bestowed the honor of being the wet spot culprit I will gladly deal with the consequences of the vajayjay’s actions…. EARLY!
Word to the wise!
Good for @Naturally Alise.Deal with it.Wise…
kissing after fellatio
Hey they try to kiss me after they do the downtown tongue action, so why not?
BTW I would watch the show with Idris Elba and Niecy Nash, I would just mute the TV errytime Niecy came on screen.
Kats who complain about stretch marks, I always tell my girls that if you’re with a kat who’s complaining about stretch marks— that MF is paying attention to the wrong ish. If we’re to the point where we’re both nekkid and you’re looking at a stretch mark when there is a supremely perfect vajay-jay right next to it, you’re missing the big picture, which is I’m tryna eff you dude. But, I don’t fluck with such losers, so dah well.
Toilet seats? That ish is like the war in the Middle East, it’s been going on forever, and it ain’t stoppin’.
“It Is Finished”~Did you just quote the Bible in this post? lol
“Hey they try to kiss me after they do the downtown tongue action, so why not?”
Not the same at all, and you know it.lol.
It is for me…I’m not of the “ingesting” kind…lmao
Slim J please explain why it isnt the same. PULEASE enlighten me
The imagery for Vajayjay Monsters is both hilarious and terrifying. Perhaps we will see them in an upcoming episode of the new Fox show called Fringe. lol.
lol…it could have also been one of the fake trailers for “grindhouse”…although it would have taken alot to top “machete”
I gotta stop reading this at work. Had me laughing out loud; “…..invaded by a bunch of 8 foot tall vagina monsters.”
You are sick, but you are my kind of sick…………..
You are sick, but you are my kind of sick…………..
this might be the best compliment i’ve ever received. thanks and sh*t
First, Black Man’s Appreciation Day is not on my calendar. Is there a Black Woman’s Appreciation Day as well? These pseudoholy-days seem contrived and Deviant doesn’t recognize holidays that encourage people to do the obvious.
Sitcoms – I always thought writers were trying to implicate the women for trapping the man into a manipulative marriage and subsequently turning him into a chump so they could have constant material for the “I was cool before I married you” episodes.
The Toilet Seat – Maybe it’s just me but I don’t need a visual reminder that anyone “used” the bathroom before I walked in there.
*You “put up with” “eating the, ummm, you know”? It’s an “objectionable thing [you] do”?
Really?
The pu$$y is not to be “put up with.”
You should choose your words more carefully. And if you enjoy doing it, you shouldn’t be complaining.
**Why are some men so homophobic about their own d!cks? No woman is thinking, “His meat is kinda salty. He should know what I’m dealing with here. He needs to taste this for himself,” right before she goes in for the lip action.
They “just want your extra time” and sh*t…
What kind of old-timey chicks are you dealing with that wash their pantyhose in the sink?
Weight – When a woman sees her or any other man drooling over some chick with a nice rack (be she waifishly thin or made of bricks), the first thing that pop in their heads is, “He doesn’t look at me like that” and they act accordingly. Truth is women like attention. If there’s a fuss to be made, it should be over them. They want men to stare and ogle so they can say “What? Me? Aw shucks!” and feel better about their physical appearance.
Deviant has spoken.
“Black Man’s Appreciation Day is not on my calendar”
I thought I missed something too, thanks for pointing that out.
It’s something a group of women and myself started.
You know good and well the gov’ment ain’t putting a holiday honoring black men on a calendar, that is unless Barack wins…lol.
Maybe not even then…lol
SI SE PUEDE!!!!
I think it’s a good idea though. I think it could catch on.
Deviant we’re starting a movement…it’s not always about us. Someone has to take the first step…and this is only one day that we hope will turn into something that continues into something permanent amongst our race.
Enough with the chicken and egg argument, we aren’t going to come together as a race until someone makes the first move.
You don’t have to jump on the bandwagon today…you can just sit back and wait to reap the benefits of what we’re trying to accomplish. In the end I just want for us all to get along and it’s about damn time that we start trying.
Well, it caught on with me and mine. I sent it to my dad, my brothers, my cousins, uncles, and friends. Im marking it on my calendar too. Same time next year.
Keep the movement alive!
“The pu$$y is not to be “put up with.”
You should choose your words more carefully. And if you enjoy doing it, you shouldn’t be complaining.”
its not a complaint…just an observation
btw, ummmm, so when the toilet seat is down, you happily assume that you’re the only one who’s ever sat on that throne before?
I’m on board with the Champ. This movement is like the 2008 version of “Married with Children’s” “No MAAM”.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NO_MA'AM
Over the years I have found ways to bypass the “wet spot” situation.
Always initiate s3xual relations. 9 times out of 10 when your doing this you start out by jumping on top of your mate, ON HER SIDE OF THE BED. The key is to stay ON HER SIDE OF THE BED.
Now if your like me (the adventurous hair pulling type) you usually start on one side of the bed and end up totally somewhere else on the bed. So to keep wet spots away, I suggest taking it to the floor, the dresser, the side of the iron board, that dirty pile of clothes you’ve been meaning to wash for the past 2 weeks, picking her up in the air (this is good exercise too), and different positions with the both of you standing up. And of course there’s always the COUCH. That’s right, it’s okay to eff on the couch
“The key is to stay ON HER SIDE OF THE BED”
lol! you must know my ex
“So to keep wet spots away, I suggest taking it to the floor, the dresser, the side of the iron board, that dirty pile of clothes you’ve been meaning to wash for the past 2 weeks, picking her up in the air (this is good exercise too), and different positions with the both of you standing up. And of course there’s always the COUCH.”
dear eff… hmmm the imagery was amazing thanks! but this does not keep the wet spot away it only spreads it out. So now I have to wash my floors, do laundry immediately, and have my couch dry cleaned (again) how am I going to explain this to Mr Chan at the dry cleaners. Nice try though.
I have to co-sign with Deviant on many points – the vajayjay is a privelage, not an obligation. Now, we all know that sometimes a woman can have that “not so fresh” feeling…but you shouldn’t have your tongue in there at those times. If your girl is a walking not-so-fresh feeling, maybe you should find a fresher girl. IMPO, kissing after head should be done on both sides. Whether it’s a reward, or you just like the tast of yourself it’s a worthwhile practice that will get you even more supa-head in the future.
About that toilet seat….
I feel you fellas. Why should we women insist that the toilet seat be put down??? Why, huh? Aren’t we selfish!
Let me fall in one time, ninja. You’ll find out the hard way.
How can anyone fall in the toilet? Are you walking to the bathroom backwards and blindfolded?
“How can anyone fall in the toilet? Are you walking to the bathroom backwards and blindfolded?”
…and drunk, because thats the only way i can see myself possibly falling into a toilet seat.
“Let me fall in one time, ninja. You’ll find out the hard way.”
ctfu.
1. Jim Jones is a straight male. What say you, Champ?
2. I will NEVER understand why women bitch about the toilet seat. Am I the ONLY woman alive who looks before she sits? What is the big deal?
3. And weight, well…I definitely think that men influence most women’s feelings about thier weight (Mine included, not gonna front), but honestly ladies, its up to you to feel great no matter how much you weigh. When you love yourself as you are, other people will too.
“1. Jim Jones is a straight male. What say you, Champ?”
to say he’s a straight male implies that he’s a human being
you are right, evil spirits have no gender therefore no sexual orientation….
A cop out.
But one I will gladly subscribe to.
Now that I’ve had my coffee n’ cornflakes (AND slipped my boss some benadryl and warm milk so I can play on the internet all morning), I will address some of this tomfoolery.
“put up with”…for real though? Oh noooo, don’t trouble yourself! I’m SURE I can have that taken care of w/out your help. Don’t you dare go out of your way!
As far as the sitcom thingy…George Lopez is a sharp, witty character and his wife is a hottie who isn’t stupid. I watch that show religiously on Nick @ Nite. They do need to slap that daughter in the mouth, though. She be doin’ too much!!
And the toilet seat?? I’m sorry ladies, but ya’ll need to get over it. I grew up w/a Daddy and a lil’ brother and I have a son now. I learned early to look behind me first before I copped my squat. I’m totally responsible for whether or not I end up w/a wet behind when I go potty.
As far as the sitcom thingy…George Lopez is a sharp, witty character and his wife is a hottie who isn’t stupid. I watch that show religiously on Nick @ Nite. They do need to slap that daughter in the mouth, though. She be doin’ too much!
the george lopez show was actually the best sitcom on tv, and i enjoyed watching it.
of course, by “best” i mean “worst” and by “watching it” i meant “peeing on my tv screen while the show was on”
tsk,tsk,tsk @ the black on brown hateration.
note to self
**don’t touch champ’s TV screen unless I’m wearing neoprene gloves**
“of course, by “best” i mean “worst” and by “watching it” i meant “peeing on my tv screen while the show was on””
lmao damn son i almost got caught with that one… you be goin in…
i can;t get down with a toilet seat left up…feng shui law already dictates both the lid and the cover must STAY down when not in use, so that all the positive chi’ does not escape through the largest hole in the house: the toilet.
okay feng shui was created in a country where the toilet is a hole in the floor & everybody squats to use it. In omerikuh we got j traps n shyt. look b4 you leak.
LMAO.
Wu say [ladies] “look before u leak”
Salute!
look before u leak
definitely a t-shirt
To the screen presses. oh wait. Should we capitalize the U and the B4? You know the bingo players love that one.
Lmao Lmao
**ooooooooohhhhhh** all Yo Samity Sam style panty hoes in the sank! When you won’t even eat dark meat off the bird you gone go and put yo dark meat covering foot & ssa sweat grabbin hoserie in the sink! Where I brush my teefis? Shave and wash my handsomeboy modeling school face? smh R U a sucubus or something?! Get a pillowcase and take them thangs to the lavundaria por favor.
wudaman’s comment syntax: the gift that keeps on giving
For real, I was tryna decipher all that, and I just gave up.
I need a wudaman to english dictionary, stat!!!!
I understood the whole thing.
Musta been the crack pipe I hit this morning.
See to understand his syntax you got to understand his story. (Remember Half Baked when Killer died) is it my fault that I prefer math to english. Back when I took phonics in lil kid school. I felt like I had been given a pass. Like I could spell N E which way I wanted to as long as it didn’t break a phonics rule. And when I started taking notes it all went to pot cuz I was the only audience to my writing. N math there’s many ways to get to the same end. But in anglish you got’s to go through you (you being the proper spelling, grammar…)?! sheeeeeiiiit I feel like I got my own lord of the flies language.
“is it my fault that I prefer math to english.”
When people have to hit the pipe, spin around in circles 5 times, and perform a shaman ritual to be able to decipher what you’re saying?
Yes.
No see that was my goal. I am something of a noMaDuW. That is where I wanted you to go. Go where I been see what I seen and jumble it all up n call it gumbo du monde. aaaahh **daydreaming of the best gumbo ever** here have some chorizo omlet on a corn tortilla. It’ll make your dookie twinkle. lol
Don’t make me put you in time out.
Wait do they have beer in timeout? What they got to eat over there? OMG the dietitian called today! I’m on the lamb. Off the wagon n errthang.
Not only is there no beer, but no wonder bread either.
Bet you’re sorry now!
Okay I was picturing something like this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-e0IcSXock
w/o the falling and instead of a cigarette a cigar
Alright since you put it like that “no beer, but no wonder bread either” Can I have an order of kenney’s rib tips w/ fries n mild sauce all on em w/ the wonder bread underneath soakin up the sauce and porky goodness.
4 U Tee-lee
WuDaMan says
I am absolutely irate that you would place and attempt to clean your hosieries in my sink. The very place that I wash my face and inside of my mouth. The place that I need to remain sterile because I may on occasion puncture my body’s first line of infectious defense while grooming (shoot I got 5,000 blades on a stick). Could you please gather all of your hosieries and dainty undergarments and TAKE YO SSA TO THE LAUNDROMAT! Oh there was a point that the dark meat of a chicken (legs n thighs which are only darker because they get used more leaving these muscles with different needs) it got compared to the anatomy that is synonymous to the anatomy covered by these garments.
Thanks so much hon. My eyeball didn’t even twitch that time when I read your post.
*smooches*
& thank you for not throat punchin a nyigah on BMADay. I’m feelin more and more appreciated as the day goes.
BMA Day huh?
I think I am gonna be nice to all the BM’s I know today, even that azzhole x of mine…lmao!
I’m gonna stab you. “BM’s” lol
Perhaps the toilet thing depends on what you’re used to. I have a dad and a bro – and my mom checked ‘em enough that the toilet seat was never an issue. At 2am (or whenever my pea-sized bladder wakes me up) I am NOT looking, I am leaving all lights off and stumbling like Ray Charles. The trick is, if you keep all the lights off and don’t really open your eyes you can complete your mission and feel like you never had to get up in the first place. Sleep undisturbed. Turning the lights on is sleep interrupted. Falling in is definitely “sleep, interrupted”. Any butt cheek of mine that lands in a toilet in the middle of the night will also land squarely on your face. Mouth open and all dat. Wish a ninja would…..
“Any butt cheek of mine that lands in a toilet in the middle of the night will also land squarely on your face.”
ha! if your dyslexic butt cheek can’t hit a toilet seat, how the hell would you be able to aim for a face???
the both of yall got me ctfu!
Dangit, Champ – I’m trying to waste the man’s time on the dl! You got me laughing all loud and shyt…
dyslexic butt cheek, you are too much…..
LMAO!!! How u gon’ call her butt cheek dyslexic?!
Sooooo mean.
And i died.
“Any butt cheek of mine that lands in a toilet in the middle of the night will also land squarely on your face. Mouth open and all dat. Wish a ninja would…..”
::snicker::
“Deviant we’re starting a movement…it’s not always about us. Someone has to take the first step…and this is only one day that we hope will turn into something that continues into something permanent amongst our race.”
My point was that we shouldn’t need a holiday to appreciate one another. And the idea of “recognizing” black men the way people “recognize” their secretaries and grandparents doesn’t really win me over.
“btw, ummmm, so when the toilet seat is down, you happily assume that you’re the only one who’s ever sat on that throne before?”
I don’t assume. I squat blissfully in my ignorance. I know it’s been occupied by others, I just don’t want to think about that while I’m in there.
Much the same way a man doesn’t want to be reminded that someone else may have “ruled his kingdom” before he “assumed the throne”.
And by ruled I mean knocked the bottom out of. And by throne I mean his girl’s pu$$y.
“its not a complaint…just an observation”
You stated it as one of the “objectionable things [men] do and put up with that [you] never complain about.”
I’m not saying you WERE complaining. I’m saying if it’s something you enjoy there would be no reason to complain.
duly noted
***referring superwoman to the response left in comment number two***
BE THAT A IT MAY, ( i just love that phrase!), dearest Champ, hyperbole or no – that description was beyond… ugh! i’m still recovering, hours later.
anyhoo – Happy Black Mans Appreciation Day to you and all the VSB’s – YOU ARE APPRECIATED!!
MWAH!
lol…thanks and sh*t, superwoman
If you want to see a horror film starring scary vaginas watch the movie Teeth. It’s social commentary on society, but vagina have teeth and let’s just say they use them.
Oh my gosh, I saw a portion this abomination, my soul died, reincarnated and then killed itself…. PSA: UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH THIS MOVIE
I missed this when it came out, I’m actually gonna rent it…lol
Some folks just don’t listen… prepare for your soul’s reckoning, don’t say I didn’t warn ya….
I don’t ever follow directions, I’m a bit evil like that. I’ve always done things that I shouldn’t…lmao!!!
I am in Africa and cannot get that movie(Teeth?) even if I wanted to.But can you like let us know the gory soul snatching details later…..or am a hafta source up some torrent juice.
I’ll report back…lol
“prepare for your soul’s reckoning, don’t say I didn’t warn ya….
Can’t nobody here tell me this is not my Mama masquerading on VSB.
Mother! Is this what you do @ your job? Who’s teaching your classes and plotting against the recesses of wayward 4th graders??
lol…. now go set the table and sh!t…
thanks for ruining my sleep for the next 6 months
I do agree that modern day America makes men into punks. I’m not 100 on the 8ft tall vaginas, but men in general do need a brake. Like Lifetime for men, with sexy ass women being the f*cked up ones and the man winning in the end. Now thats a good show.
- JM
http://www.MrSwagger.com
a good show for you would be p.o.r.n perhaps? lol
a good show?? maybe. but a funny show?? not likely. pretty incompent broads are pretty much summed up in dumb blonde jokes and “Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica” episodes. the man winning in the end is the way of the world, and real life experiences aren’t that entertaining (unless there’s a lot of editing and rewrites).
besides, MEN are the ones making these shows. it’s male producers and TV network execs signing off on making their own look like fools and punks. men gotta come together on a united front if they wanna see different.
“besides, MEN are the ones making these shows.”
Good point.
I have an idea for another movement – the “Just Give Him/Her Some Head Already” Movement. To me, oral sex is the penicillin that cures a multitude of relationship ailments. Ask yourself daily “What can I do to make my significant other look at my privates the way a fat kid looks at cake?” Take out the trash and give her a compliment? Yes, ma’am. Cook a mean meal and do the dishes after? Why certainly, sir. Take the ho bath (this means a good genital clean up on both sides)? Suuure. IMPO, giving a little (head) can get you a lot (of head). Try it for 3 months and report back with your findings.
I have an idea for another movement – the “Just Give Him/Her Some Head Already” Movement.
this is a movement i’d definitely get behind. and in front of. and beside
“Head, Head and mo’ Head”
~Luther Campbell
you know(pauses to laugh at self)… i had no idea thats what he was saying there until like last year sometime?
but then again– i also thought Mr.Cheeks was saying
“light skinned with accent/ had me singin’ im sorry miss jackson”
**walks out**
lol!!! I knew the lyrics to “I Wanna Rock” and didn’t even know what most of it meant yet…
Thanks to my older brother.
Oh Kaliber…why must I cry??
my husband has adopted the ‘yes, dear’ answer to his ‘honey do’ list, and thus, he gets more than he can stand.
men… keep your woman happy and she will keep you happy. done.
The toilet seat…for me, it has nothing to do with the danger of “falling in” but everything to do with aesthetics and intended purpose. Toilets were made with seats for a reason. Putting the seat down should be the final step in the process of using the toilet. It symbolizes completion. It’s like leaving a room w/o turning off the lights. Just why? And a toilet with the seat up looks stupid…and I’ll even say crude. Put that ish down! Especially if you’re like a child and can’t aim. Who wants to look at that?
just stop it, i think you need to just stop it
[decloaks]
Lil T says:
“To me, oral sex is the penicillin that cures a multitude of relationship ailments.”
” Take out the trash and give her a compliment? Yes, ma’am. Cook a mean meal and do the dishes after? Why certainly, sir. Take the ho bath (this means a good genital clean up on both sides)? ”
i’m watching u Lil T. wish i had time to get at ya but…
[engages cloaking device]
Let’s just say – I have a man who inspires me to do my best. At everything. lol.
Ladies please do not hate me or kick me out of the “sista circle” for some of what I am about to type…
#1. Sitcoms do portray men in an unflattering light. They often have the same formula and types of characters. It is messed up and it gets sooo dang boring and predictable…However, I consider it payback or an “equalizing of the playing field” for the sexist way that women are often portrayed in EVERYTHING else on television and in magazines and books and etc.
#2.The toilet seat issue SHOULD NOT BE AN ISSUE!!! I mean seriously ladies, if you can argue that it is so easy for a man to put the seat down when he is done for your benefit, then you can just as easily put it up for his when you are done…I mean I never hear men complaining that we leave the seat down when they walk in the bathroom to take a leak…Stop being so darn prissy…Men (well some) go out of their way to be chivalrous any other time. (getting the door for you, pulling out a chair for you, getting the check after dinner/ a date & etc) It is kind of overkill to demand he put the seat down for you in addition…Furthermore I really don’t see how you can fall in. You must be backing up to the toilet blindfolded, with your hands tied in front of you. It is common sense to look before you squat. I don’t care if it is the middle of the night and you woke up to go pee! Your man should not be penalized because you have a weak bladder….Another thing is, if you are not living together and you’re at his house and you have to pee, then you have to respect his domain by expecting the seat to be up. Also you should make it a point to look because Lord knows men don’t always scrub/ clean their toilets correctly. They do the bare minimum when it comes to cleaning, in most cases. You should know better than to just trust him and his sponge & Pinesol skills enough to just drop it like its hot!
-Moving on… in regards to kissing after fellatio…This is touchy because I can see how people can be all wrapped up in the moment…emotions and passion takes over and you lock lips. if you’re feeling it that much then you shouldn’t even have time to stop and bi*ch up enough to dodge your partner’s mouth…BUT!!! I for one don’t want you kissing me after you eat me like the last supper; because well to be frank, you eat p*ssy, not me! I don’t care if I’m clean and yada yada yada…I don’t want to taste me. That is your job…Now, if you slither back up and feel compelled to kiss me, I’m not gonna stop you and kick you out of the bed or anything. I’ll take it…but I’d prefer you not to…Men should be okay with getting kissed after a BJ though because there’s less “fluid” involved…well unless you guys get your “happy ending”…but let’s say you didn’t “release” yet…You should be okay with your lady coming up for a kiss. its nothin’.
#3. I don’t really have a comment on this weight thing because I’m happy with myself…I think I look great to say the least and even if I didn’t…I wouldn’t look to a straight man to rectify or validate anything about me…Everyone knows you have a gay (male) friend and the Tyra Banks show for that! lol
“Ladies please do not hate me or kick me out of the “sista circle” for some of what I am about to type…”
***takes Treasure’s plate with her butter cookies on them***
LOL…No! Not the butter cookies
I’ll take that teacup and saucer thank you.
***and changing locks on the tree house door***
“Men should be okay with getting kissed after a BJ though because there’s less “fluid” involved…well unless you guys get your “happy ending”…but let’s say you didn’t “release” yet…You should be okay with your lady coming up for a kiss. its nothin’”
this is all i was trying to say. as long as there’s no peen mustard, its all good
Treasure, I’m ready to kick you out of the sista circle just for being longwinded.
Wait, you mean I’m not in the sista circle? My application was DENIED?!? But I’ve been paying dues since ’97….
Dang. Type ’til yo heart’s content, T.
this comment is making my brain hurt.
y’all have me laughing my ass off– d@mn these all day meetings, I missed the good stuff!
my quick $0.02
yes… TV sitcoms today are trite and the writing is proof that there are trained rhesus monkeys writing, directing and producing… d@mn whoever was offended by that statement. The last portrayal of an intelligent male sitcom character for me was Mr. Cosby.. but then again, I haven’t *really* watched TV in years…
toilet seat up? it rarely happens in my house and when it does, I bristle a little, the suck it up, put the seat down and plant my rear. there are more important things to raise a stink about. however, when the commode is not in use, I like it to be completely closed… why the hell hunt to find a seat cover that matches the shower curtain/display towel/wall art if not for it to be seen as part of the bathroom decor? SHEESH!
and this issue of swapping spit after oral? hmmmm… i was going to say something, but i’ll save you all from TMI/distracting imagery. my man and i have no issues ’round this topic… and i put a portable fan on the bed to dry the wet spot while fixin him a sammich, cause it always seems to be in the middle…nuff said
and as for the active minefield known as ‘Women and their Weighty Issues’…. if you are visually pleasing to your man and he is proud to show you off when you are in public, get your head out of your a$$ and be happy… and HEALTHY. do your best to keep yourself up… not just for your partner, but for YOURSELF.
okay, maybe that wasn’t so quick….
i’m verbose… so sue me.
oh yeah… Happy Black Man Appreciation Day… though I appreciate good Black men EVERYDAY. Especially the one that’s mine… HOLLA
“and i put a portable fan on the bed to dry the wet spot while fixin him a sammich”
oh wow. talk about above and beyond.
f*ck, lol
sh!t, when you get broken off properly, its not above and beyond… its reciprocity. but thanks for the props anyway
awww…man. I’m leaving a comment in hopes that it actually gets read with like 300 ahead of me… but nevertheless. This is my first time visiting your spot and I like it… already! too Funny.
The problem I have with having to put the seat down is that ummm it’s kinda gross but.. I’m the one that’s suppose to keep it clean so can’t complain…
and you know men try to do that too.. get all in your face with the flavor savor.. I will not let you just blame that on women…which I’ve never heard of such.
“its not my dream to turn on cbs one day and see idris elba and niecy nash starring in ‘baby hair and her baby’”
No need for that…Having I Love NY is already bad enough. (That comment made me nearly spit out my food btw.)
“8 foot tall vagina monsters…”
OMG, Champ, you have no idea how hard that made me laugh.