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Quiz: Exactly How Threatened Are You By Lupita Nyong’o’s Beauty?

lupita-nyong

You’ve likely heard by now that Lupita Nyong’o was recently named People Magazine’s Most Beautiful Person. Considering the year she’s had, this shouldn’t have been much of a surprise. Lupita’s approval ratings aren’t even measured in percentages anymore. Just emoticons.

Still, the idea that a woman with dark skin and short hair can be considered beautiful seems to be a hard concept for many people to grasp. Perhaps because it counters and threatens everything that think they know about beauty. And perhaps because they grill lettuce before eating it.

In light of that, I’ve decided to do a little quiz to determine just how threatened you might be by Lupita’s popularity.

1. Are you a Black American? (If yes, add 3 points)

2. Are you a Black man? (If yes, add 2 points)

3. Are you a light skinned Black woman? (If yes, add 2.5 points)

4. Have you granted or happily received “light-skinned points” at one time in your life? (If yes, add 8 points)

5. Have you ever called someone “cute for a darker-skinned girl?” (If yes, add 9 points)

6. Are you from a state below the Mason-Dixon line? (If yes, add 5 points)

7. Is your name Yung Berg? (If yes, add 122 points)

8. Are you an AKA? (If yes, add 7.5 points)

9. Were you in Jack and Jill? (If yes, add 10 points)

10. Did you think the new Aunt Viv was an upgrade? (If yes, add 5 points)

11. Do you own a glue gun? (if yes, add 4 points)

12. Have you recently called someone a THOT? (If yes, add 12 points)

13. Are you a Laker fan? (If yes, add 4.5 points)

14. Do you just not “get” Toni Morrison? (If yes, add 8 points)

15. Are you stupid? (If yes, add 7 points)

16. Are you stupid, and on Twitter? (If yes, add 27 points)

17. Did you root for Lisa in Coming to America instead of Patrice? (If yes, add 5 points)

18. Have you incorporated the term “redbone” in the chorus of a rap song you created? (If yes, add 33 points)

19. When asked to describe your background, do you make sure to always list Korean, Italian, Native America, red dot Indian, Swedish, Saudi Arabian, Martian, and Alaskan even though you’re a Black chick from Detroit? (If yes, add 14 points)

20. Do you have hate in your heart? (If yes, add 11.5 points)

Results: (0-10 points) Congratulations! You’re not threatened at all by Lupita’s beauty, and there’s a very good chance you either own or are sleeping with someone who owns a “Black Girls Are Magic” t-shirt. Good for you!

(11-35 points) You’re not mad about Lupita. Not at all. But, her success has made you reflect on some of the thoughts and ideas you’ve had about beauty and Black women. Oh, and you’re probably a Delta. Which is better than being an AKA. But still.

(35-49 points) So that was you at Target the other day, buying up all the brown paper bags for some “throwback party” you’re having. Mmhmm. You aint foolin noone, Nick Cannon.

(50 points or more) If you’re not a rapper from the south, you might as well be one.

—Damon Young

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Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • Anyango

    I am just over the moon as a dark skinned African woman who is Kenyan and lives in the same hood as her folks….hahahaha yes I said that. I am here for all of this.

    • Agatha Guilluame

      You look like a chick I knew in college…I think her name was Buki…

      • Medium Meech

        I think I knew that same chick. Was her last name Nekid?

        • 321mena123

          LOL!

      • Anyango

        nope not me :-)

    • StNick

      I’m Kenyan and Luo. I feel like I am required to laminate this cover

      I scored a 0! Celebrate me!

      • Anyango

        Haha Luopean Cover

  • towninc

    What is Jack and Jill? And what does owning a glue gun have to do with anything? You are silly. By the way I hated the new Aunt Viv. Plus I rooted for Lisa because he really liked her, while Darryl was a jerk AND I felt like I knew her personally from her role on All My Children. But she did “always get the good ones” lol. Also the colorstruck mentality is not limited to the South. I don’t know who keeps telling that lie.

    • h.h.h.

      jack and jill is an AA social organization formed to train up middle class and upper-middle class Af-Am children into leaders, from what i have heard. apparently they have been alleged to be a tad…exclusive.
      http://www.nytimes.com/1998/07/19/style/feeling-isolated-at-the-top-seeking-roots.html?src=pm&pagewanted=1

      • towninc

        sounds great. Glad I grew up with parents and a community that exposed me to those same activities regardless of our income or zip.

      • Epsilonicus

        “. apparently they have been alleged to be a tad…exclusive.”

        Here is a quote from the article:
        “Asked if there were dark-skinned Jack and Jill members, Mrs. Truitt said: ”I didn’t know a lot of dark-skinned people. I just didn’t know them.””

        I would say that sounds exclusive lol

        • 321mena123

          How in all the world do you not know one person of a darker hue?

        • h.h.h.

          that sounds a …tad…exclusive…lololol

    • sharitaatx

      I was not a fan of the new aunt viv she seemed to be more whiny and complained a lot. The old viv had a job was a dancer and was a teacher/professor, she had a life. The new viv was a housewife that was always getting her feeling hurt by uncle phil over some nonsense.

  • SailorMoon

    The sad part is most of the “hate” she is getting is from black men, and I use the term men loosely.

    • Joel

      Who are these men that hate on Lupita?

      • SailorMoon

        Check twitter.

        • Joel

          Oh. The infamous Twitter thugs. lol. I’ll take your word for it.

    • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

      Perhaps there should be a mate matching service between these Twitter thugs and the women who flipped out over Pharrell’s album cover. I figure those two groups should be allowed to date within the general population.

      • Jacqueline

        Hi @Todd I am a lurker here and I have to ask a sincere question. How can you equate black women pointing out colorism with the people you call “twitter thugs”, who essentially are trying to say that Lupita has no beauty because she is, and lets be honest here, too black?

        • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

          If it was just pointing out colorism, I’d agree. I just remember the reaction on Twitter, and unless “pointing out colorism” is code for “HOW COME WE’RE NEVER THE PRETTY ONES!!!!1111″, that wasn’t the case. I saw some women go harder in the pain than Shaq in 2000 on Pharrell. That’s why I’m comparing the two groups. They both got deeeeeep in their feelings.

          • Jacqueline

            I hear you. Shaq in 2000 indeed. But those girls pain is on the surface and it raw and that is what colorism is. That is what ‘HOW COME WE’RE NEVER THE PRETTY ONES111″ means. He purposely did not include identifiably black women because he is on this “other” trip. Pharrell’s core base has always been black women (not me) and they felt excluded. I say take him to task and stop supporting people that do not support you. However, Pharell’s game is not as harmless as people think.

            On another note, I am joining the chorus of people who believe Twitter just may be the downfall of our society. Way too much drama for me. When it’s good, it is magic. When it’s bad…well you know.

            Thanks for responding!

      • Vag Owner

        the chick who started it was mixed and i am sure lupita haters would find the lady quite satisfactory

  • ?

    2 things.

    1. I just spent 20 mins thinking about why i didnt root for either girl in Coming to America. Answer: I didnt particularly like either one’s personality and I dont find Eddie Murphy attractive and therefore was not invested in the relationship.

    2. What are “light skin points”?

    • 321mena123

      Points in looks you receive for simply being light skin. Say, a light skin person is really a 6/10 however, because they are light, they get a 7/10 and if they have long hair it’s an 8/10.

      Edit: Light-skinned point(s). noun. 1) the additional attention that fairer skinned light skinned women receive over their darker-skinneded sisters whether or not their face actually warrants any attention at all. 2) the assumed increase in attractiveness laid before melanin deficient black women…whether or not their face actually warrants any attention at all.
      http://verysmartbrothas.com/all-points-bulletin/

      • ?

        Got it! But who is going to admit to getting points, no matter what type of points you get? You’re basically asking me to say “I aint THAT fine”. Hell naw! LOL

    • Yonnie

      I read the question like…. WHO ROOTED FOR PATRICE?!

      • sharitaatx

        me too! Patrice was a “fass-tail” social climber! Semi would have been the best she could get outside of the jeri curl dude! ijs but she did have one of my fav lines: “I don’t care how much a man admires you. He’s not giving you earrings like that unless you’ve given him a little booty.” I liked how she said booty! lol and her natural was cute but root for her…nah!

      • ?

        Right! And her sister was boring. I was just there for the laughs.

  • WarMelody

    This is hilarious. Thank you. That is all.

  • Glockenspiel

    LOL @ the AKA shade!!!!!!

    • SororSalsa

      I’m mad I had to take 7.5 points for being an AKA. What’s up with that?

      • Glockenspiel

        “Youuuu f&#*&$ uuuuuup!!!” * Alzo Slade voice *

  • k. lynn

    Good gracious, those tweets!! smh…

  • Demita Frazier

    Y’all are on fire! Wish the list of questions was longer…I could think of at least 10 additional questions right off the top! And, as I make a point of saying each and every day – Lupita! Lupita! Lupita!!!!!!!!!

  • kidvideo

    I had a feeling she was gonna be in the issue…not be on the cover.

    The year of Lupita continues…I got an 18.

  • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

    Go Lu Lu! I need to go buy that magazine today because it’ll probably be the last time a dark skin black girl graces the cover.

    • kidvideo

      U really are a “glass-half empty” kinda dame, aren’t u?

      • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

        I’m a realist. I trust trends/patterns.

      • Val

        Lol@KidVid calling AP a “dame”.

      • http://uphereoncloud9.com/ Wu Young

        Props for using “dame” hoss. I’m all for using words like “dame” “fetching” “gams” and “snatch”.

        • Chris Streetz Poet Bright

          Lol…nice