You’ve likely heard by now that Lupita Nyong’o was recently named People Magazine’s Most Beautiful Person. Considering the year she’s had, this shouldn’t have been much of a surprise. Lupita’s approval ratings aren’t even measured in percentages anymore. Just emoticons.
Still, the idea that a woman with dark skin and short hair can be considered beautiful seems to be a hard concept for many people to grasp. Perhaps because it counters and threatens everything that think they know about beauty. And perhaps because they grill lettuce before eating it.
In light of that, I’ve decided to do a little quiz to determine just how threatened you might be by Lupita’s popularity.
1. Are you a Black American? (If yes, add 3 points)
2. Are you a Black man? (If yes, add 2 points)
3. Are you a light skinned Black woman? (If yes, add 2.5 points)
4. Have you granted or happily received “light-skinned points” at one time in your life? (If yes, add 8 points)
5. Have you ever called someone “cute for a darker-skinned girl?” (If yes, add 9 points)
6. Are you from a state below the Mason-Dixon line? (If yes, add 5 points)
7. Is your name Yung Berg? (If yes, add 122 points)
8. Are you an AKA? (If yes, add 7.5 points)
9. Were you in Jack and Jill? (If yes, add 10 points)
10. Did you think the new Aunt Viv was an upgrade? (If yes, add 5 points)
11. Do you own a glue gun? (if yes, add 4 points)
12. Have you recently called someone a THOT? (If yes, add 12 points)
13. Are you a Laker fan? (If yes, add 4.5 points)
14. Do you just not “get” Toni Morrison? (If yes, add 8 points)
15. Are you stupid? (If yes, add 7 points)
16. Are you stupid, and on Twitter? (If yes, add 27 points)
17. Did you root for Lisa in Coming to America instead of Patrice? (If yes, add 5 points)
18. Have you incorporated the term “redbone” in the chorus of a rap song you created? (If yes, add 33 points)
19. When asked to describe your background, do you make sure to always list Korean, Italian, Native America, red dot Indian, Swedish, Saudi Arabian, Martian, and Alaskan even though you’re a Black chick from Detroit? (If yes, add 14 points)
20. Do you have hate in your heart? (If yes, add 11.5 points)
Results: (0-10 points) Congratulations! You’re not threatened at all by Lupita’s beauty, and there’s a very good chance you either own or are sleeping with someone who owns a “Black Girls Are Magic” t-shirt. Good for you!
(11-35 points) You’re not mad about Lupita. Not at all. But, her success has made you reflect on some of the thoughts and ideas you’ve had about beauty and Black women. Oh, and you’re probably a Delta. Which is better than being an AKA. But still.
(35-49 points) So that was you at Target the other day, buying up all the brown paper bags for some “throwback party” you’re having. Mmhmm. You aint foolin noone, Nick Cannon.
(50 points or more) If you’re not a rapper from the south, you might as well be one.