Comments on: Quiet Is As Kept: How Video Hoes And Hoodrats Get In The Way of Sound Theory and Science http://verysmartbrothas.com/quiet-is-as-kept-how-video-hoes-and-hoodrats-get-in-the-way-of-sound-theory-and-science/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=quiet-is-as-kept-how-video-hoes-and-hoodrats-get-in-the-way-of-sound-theory-and-science Wed, 23 May 2012 10:55:32 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: divalivehttp://verysmartbrothas.com/quiet-is-as-kept-how-video-hoes-and-hoodrats-get-in-the-way-of-sound-theory-and-science/#comment-144596 divalive Fri, 15 Jan 2010 18:43:07 +0000 http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/?p=3248#comment-144596 @E.Jay I think you're not grasping the whole concept of objectification. What you like is attention. What you don't like is UNWANTED attention. And sounds like you have yet to learn how to deal with unwanted attention.But make no mistake objectification is NOT just unwanted attention. Know that attention (wanted or not) can lead to possible objectification.And as you grow into a beautiful, successful woman that has received her fair share of attention you will be better able tell the difference between attention and objectification.It was asked in an earlier post how we should define objectification. I think a good place to start is Wikipedia. See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ObjectificationEven as a "woman of a certain age", that has received her fair share of attention, I read this from time to time to remind myself. Cheers! @E.Jay
I think you’re not grasping the whole concept of objectification.
What you like is attention. What you don’t like is UNWANTED attention. And sounds like you have yet to learn how to deal with unwanted attention.

But make no mistake objectification is NOT just unwanted attention.
Know that attention (wanted or not) can lead to possible objectification.

And as you grow into a beautiful, successful woman that has received her fair share of attention you will be better able tell the difference between attention and objectification.

It was asked in an earlier post how we should define objectification. I think a good place to start is Wikipedia. See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Objectification

Even as a “woman of a certain age”, that has received her fair share of attention, I read this from time to time to remind myself. Cheers!

]]> By: E.Jayhttp://verysmartbrothas.com/quiet-is-as-kept-how-video-hoes-and-hoodrats-get-in-the-way-of-sound-theory-and-science/#comment-144429 E.Jay Fri, 15 Jan 2010 16:38:31 +0000 http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/?p=3248#comment-144429 I'll be honest w/ you guys and myself...I really like attention. I mostly only think of it as objectification when I think a guy is too unattractive or too old. Those are the instances where I feel uncomfortable, self-conscious of my attire, or like I want to run away (and I do tend to speak up less then, so as not to draw more attention). However, this is from a woman (can I call myself that at 23...really?) who's never had anyone try to pour champagne on her, toss some bills in the air over her head, been called a bitch, whore, or ho to her face (minus, of course, the angry rejected at a bar) or anything that could be perceived as similarly deprecating.Thing is, I've been the skinny, tall nerd my entire life. Despite my physical assets - long legs, big breasts, small waist, pretty face in the "aw you're adorable, are you 18?" way (seriously pursued by men 40 and older, in other words) - I've been so reduced to my grades, test scores, and academic achievements to the point where I'd often start wondering if I was even a sexual being at all...and not some robot (a type of objectification?). Not to mention my two best friends who have long been aware and confident of their effects on men look like variations of every 20-something black man's dream (ass-to-waist ratio, thick thighs, gorgeous faces, the whole shebang so far as I've seen), and I'm the baby of the group. Needless to say, I often relish in sexual attention (especially flirting) when I get it.The way I see it is this: I have yet to meet a man who appreciates everything about me (and vice versa). Until that day, I'll just enjoy (on whatever level) the guys who like me for my intelligence, the guys who like me for my body, the guys who like me for my personality, etc. They will serve their purpose, and I'll provide at least the very same in return. This isn't some ho's decree or anything b/c I'm definitely pretty selective. I just think, in the most general terms and excluding particular circumstances, so long as a woman doesn't feel disrespected or uncomfortable there shouldn't be a problem. I’ll be honest w/ you guys and myself…I really like attention. I mostly only think of it as objectification when I think a guy is too unattractive or too old. Those are the instances where I feel uncomfortable, self-conscious of my attire, or like I want to run away (and I do tend to speak up less then, so as not to draw more attention). However, this is from a woman (can I call myself that at 23…really?) who’s never had anyone try to pour champagne on her, toss some bills in the air over her head, been called a bitch, whore, or ho to her face (minus, of course, the angry rejected at a bar) or anything that could be perceived as similarly deprecating.

Thing is, I’ve been the skinny, tall nerd my entire life. Despite my physical assets – long legs, big breasts, small waist, pretty face in the “aw you’re adorable, are you 18?” way (seriously pursued by men 40 and older, in other words) – I’ve been so reduced to my grades, test scores, and academic achievements to the point where I’d often start wondering if I was even a sexual being at all…and not some robot (a type of objectification?). Not to mention my two best friends who have long been aware and confident of their effects on men look like variations of every 20-something black man’s dream (ass-to-waist ratio, thick thighs, gorgeous faces, the whole shebang so far as I’ve seen), and I’m the baby of the group. Needless to say, I often relish in sexual attention (especially flirting) when I get it.

The way I see it is this: I have yet to meet a man who appreciates everything about me (and vice versa). Until that day, I’ll just enjoy (on whatever level) the guys who like me for my intelligence, the guys who like me for my body, the guys who like me for my personality, etc. They will serve their purpose, and I’ll provide at least the very same in return. This isn’t some ho’s decree or anything b/c I’m definitely pretty selective. I just think, in the most general terms and excluding particular circumstances, so long as a woman doesn’t feel disrespected or uncomfortable there shouldn’t be a problem.

]]> By: sisandahttp://verysmartbrothas.com/quiet-is-as-kept-how-video-hoes-and-hoodrats-get-in-the-way-of-sound-theory-and-science/#comment-144256 sisanda Fri, 15 Jan 2010 10:02:08 +0000 http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/?p=3248#comment-144256 @Panama Jackson,I think the attraction part is toooootaly out of our control, how you interpret that atrraction to the person is tottaly dependant on your *ahem* level of home-training. @Panama Jackson,

I think the attraction part is toooootaly out of our control, how you interpret that atrraction to the person is tottaly dependant on your *ahem* level of home-training.

]]> By: Myia Jhttp://verysmartbrothas.com/quiet-is-as-kept-how-video-hoes-and-hoodrats-get-in-the-way-of-sound-theory-and-science/#comment-144245 Myia J Fri, 15 Jan 2010 08:15:06 +0000 http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/?p=3248#comment-144245 I'm objectified by men whether I wear a swimsuit or a choir robe. It's just going to happen because that's how attraction is supposed to work. The problem is when men start being disrespectful. That's the point when I check them. Now, many women I know or have watched have been in the same situation and didn't check the guy that was being disrespectful, whether they were shy or they just didn't know how. I think that everything comes down to how you feel about yourself and how far you let men go with their disrespect. I don't think any woman sets out to be objectified. Most lack male attention growing up and are compensating for lost time. That is why we have so many abuse cases and women willing to be "the other woman." I’m objectified by men whether I wear a swimsuit or a choir robe. It’s just going to happen because that’s how attraction is supposed to work. The problem is when men start being disrespectful. That’s the point when I check them. Now, many women I know or have watched have been in the same situation and didn’t check the guy that was being disrespectful, whether they were shy or they just didn’t know how. I think that everything comes down to how you feel about yourself and how far you let men go with their disrespect. I don’t think any woman sets out to be objectified. Most lack male attention growing up and are compensating for lost time. That is why we have so many abuse cases and women willing to be “the other woman.”

]]> By: Siobhanhttp://verysmartbrothas.com/quiet-is-as-kept-how-video-hoes-and-hoodrats-get-in-the-way-of-sound-theory-and-science/#comment-144199 Siobhan Fri, 15 Jan 2010 05:29:08 +0000 http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/?p=3248#comment-144199 @Panama Jackson,Yeah...if you try to touch a black woman's hair, without permission, of course I'm going to draw down on you.Now I preempt all that by pinching your cheeks and telling you how adorable you look today and how I could eat you all up like the Big Bad Wolf...and looking very convincingly like I could @Panama Jackson,

Yeah…if you try to touch a black woman’s hair, without permission, of course I’m going to draw down on you.

Now I preempt all that by pinching your cheeks and telling you how adorable you look today and how I could eat you all up like the Big Bad Wolf…and looking very convincingly like I could

]]> By: WonderWomanhttp://verysmartbrothas.com/quiet-is-as-kept-how-video-hoes-and-hoodrats-get-in-the-way-of-sound-theory-and-science/#comment-144194 WonderWoman Fri, 15 Jan 2010 02:46:43 +0000 http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/?p=3248#comment-144194 @legitimate_soul, I feel you on the safety issues. I had a childhood/adolescence that reads like an Oprah Winfrey (written, produced, and directed) TV mini series or movie. I got the leering, touching and comments, from male family friends,a male cousin, step daddy, high school military recruiters and such. I thought I was safe. Realized I was not. So to take chances with a stranger is too dangerous a thought for me to entertain. A man starts acting crazy aggressive esp. with physical attraction or sexual energy radiating from his pores...I am quickly heading in the opposite direction. I watch the news, I don't want to get beheaded and thrown in a suitcase because some psycho though we had something going because I spoke to him too long or was too nice after he acted inappropriately. @legitimate_soul, I feel you on the safety issues. I had a childhood/adolescence that reads like an Oprah Winfrey (written, produced, and directed) TV mini series or movie. I got the leering, touching and comments, from male family friends,a male cousin, step daddy, high school military recruiters and such. I thought I was safe. Realized I was not. So to take chances with a stranger is too dangerous a thought for me to entertain. A man starts acting crazy aggressive esp. with physical attraction or sexual energy radiating from his pores…I am quickly heading in the opposite direction. I watch the news, I don’t want to get beheaded and thrown in a suitcase because some psycho though we had something going because I spoke to him too long or was too nice after he acted inappropriately.

]]> By: WonderWomanhttp://verysmartbrothas.com/quiet-is-as-kept-how-video-hoes-and-hoodrats-get-in-the-way-of-sound-theory-and-science/#comment-144193 WonderWoman Fri, 15 Jan 2010 02:36:39 +0000 http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/?p=3248#comment-144193 I feel there is a difference between appreciating my assets and leering and objectifying. If I get a smooth, quick, glance and a nice smile and we can have some intelligent conversation I'm cool. If your tongue is hanging out of your mouth and the drool is splashing on my blouse and your convo consists of "where you stay at", "damn gurl you so fine", "or some crap like or "are you a model?" or "you look like Halle Berry but thicker" I'm not talking, I'm not making nice, I am going to take a step back and do a military style turn and walk away. As a woman I want to know I am found attractive, that you appreciate my even white teeth, my smooth clear skin, that I brushed my teeth, even my shape (I've been working out and trying to tone up...ya know?) but, I don't want to know that you are imagining me bent over some item of furniture while you pull my hair and you don't even know my name...To answer the question if I am being ogled....I am pretty much silent, it makes me uncomfortable, fearful and it makes me feel like you are objectifying my body so much that if my head fell off you wouldn't notice. I hate feeling like I am not a sum of my parts but simply my parts. I feel there is a difference between appreciating my assets and leering and objectifying. If I get a smooth, quick, glance and a nice smile and we can have some intelligent conversation I’m cool. If your tongue is hanging out of your mouth and the drool is splashing on my blouse and your convo consists of “where you stay at”, “damn gurl you so fine”, “or some crap like or “are you a model?” or “you look like Halle Berry but thicker” I’m not talking, I’m not making nice, I am going to take a step back and do a military style turn and walk away.
As a woman I want to know I am found attractive, that you appreciate my even white teeth, my smooth clear skin, that I brushed my teeth, even my shape (I’ve been working out and trying to tone up…ya know?) but, I don’t want to know that you are imagining me bent over some item of furniture while you pull my hair and you don’t even know my name…To answer the question if I am being ogled….I am pretty much silent, it makes me uncomfortable, fearful and it makes me feel like you are objectifying my body so much that if my head fell off you wouldn’t notice. I hate feeling like I am not a sum of my parts but simply my parts.

]]> By: empirestategirlhttp://verysmartbrothas.com/quiet-is-as-kept-how-video-hoes-and-hoodrats-get-in-the-way-of-sound-theory-and-science/#comment-144192 empirestategirl Fri, 15 Jan 2010 02:07:26 +0000 http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/?p=3248#comment-144192 The flip side of this is aging. I have big tatas....but I'm 44 now and they ain't sitting up like they used to (thought I do wear good bras) and I got a little more fat on the middle than I did when I was younger. I absolutely hated the objectification when I was younger, especially at it related to catcalling and harassment on the street. But when it dead stopped, that was a moment of absolute truth for your girl. However, all things being equal, I much prefer being able to walk the streets without the constant harrassment, but sometimes do miss the assessing eyes that I used to get easily. What's disgusting to me though is how many grown ass men give my teenage nieces that eye, although they are clearly underage. I don't give a damn what any man says, there are some teenagers that are questionable but not my girls. I'm sure that when I'm not ice grilling them down, the catcalls are there as well, though most won't be so disrespectful as to do it in my face, but there are always exceptions. It's really truly some grimy ass perv dudes out here. I'm fine with being objectified these days. After almost four years of celibacy, my younger lover is probably objectifying me all day but I don't give a fuck. I'm feeling like he invented sex and I'm just learning what it is LOL :-) The flip side of this is aging. I have big tatas….but I’m 44 now and they ain’t sitting up like they used to (thought I do wear good bras) and I got a little more fat on the middle than I did when I was younger. I absolutely hated the objectification when I was younger, especially at it related to catcalling and harassment on the street. But when it dead stopped, that was a moment of absolute truth for your girl. However, all things being equal, I much prefer being able to walk the streets without the constant harrassment, but sometimes do miss the assessing eyes that I used to get easily. What’s disgusting to me though is how many grown ass men give my teenage nieces that eye, although they are clearly underage. I don’t give a damn what any man says, there are some teenagers that are questionable but not my girls. I’m sure that when I’m not ice grilling them down, the catcalls are there as well, though most won’t be so disrespectful as to do it in my face, but there are always exceptions. It’s really truly some grimy ass perv dudes out here.
I’m fine with being objectified these days. After almost four years of celibacy, my younger lover is probably objectifying me all day but I don’t give a fuck. I’m feeling like he invented sex and I’m just learning what it is LOL :-)

]]> By: Misty Knighthttp://verysmartbrothas.com/quiet-is-as-kept-how-video-hoes-and-hoodrats-get-in-the-way-of-sound-theory-and-science/#comment-144191 Misty Knight Fri, 15 Jan 2010 01:56:36 +0000 http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/?p=3248#comment-144191 Yeeah I think there is a distinct difference between "looking" and raping someone with your eyeballs. There is a subtle glance, and then there is the asshole following behind you on the train station yelling "Good Googlay-Mooglay, Look at that Boot-ay" :(I typically do feel insecure, and dirty if Im being blatanly objectified. Especially if its in the workplace. I fully understand that men are visual creatures, and I can let the first boob glance pass. But if you keep on acting like my eyes are located on my nipples. We cannot converse.Not like I walk around with hard nipples all the time but.....you know Yeeah I think there is a distinct difference between “looking” and raping someone with your eyeballs.
There is a subtle glance, and then there is the asshole following behind you on the train station yelling “Good Googlay-Mooglay, Look at that Boot-ay” :(

I typically do feel insecure, and dirty if Im being blatanly objectified. Especially if its in the workplace. I fully understand that men are visual creatures, and I can let the first boob glance pass. But if you keep on acting like my eyes are located on my nipples. We cannot converse.

Not like I walk around with hard nipples all the time but…..you know

]]> By: Mannyhttp://verysmartbrothas.com/quiet-is-as-kept-how-video-hoes-and-hoodrats-get-in-the-way-of-sound-theory-and-science/#comment-144190 Manny Fri, 15 Jan 2010 01:20:47 +0000 http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/?p=3248#comment-144190 @Lil'T, But then men see that as manipulating them and that's another stereotype. Women craving attention and pretending not to but then using that attention to get what they want. There's no winning. @Lil’T, But then men see that as manipulating them and that’s another stereotype. Women craving attention and pretending not to but then using that attention to get what they want. There’s no winning.

]]>