Lists, Theory & Essay

PSA: Love or Something Like It

Mad shots to the homie Maverick for providing quality blog fodder yesterday.  Also, let’s all lick shots for Big Poppa in Heaven.

*licking shots*

One day while out, I happened across a Barack Obama bobblehead doll, so you know I had to cop me one.

Here’s a picture:

photo1Only a Black President could have me putting random Negro look-a-like bobbleheads in front of my flat-screen.

The first thing you may notice about my Obama bobblehead is that it doesn’t actually look like Obama.  I mean its clearly supposed to be Obama, evidenced by him being Black, having a mole, and looking Presidential, but other than that, it’s a random Black cat with the word Obama written out on the bottom.  I really have to wonder how that happened.  I mean, clearly, Obama heads were commissioned and somebody made them – badly – and yet, here we are, with non-look-a-like Obama bobbleheads garnering as much as $29.99.  I guess that by the time they made it to the final approval they were lacking on time and the person who headed up the process was just like f*ck it, send them out.

And I bought one anyway.

Which brings me to my point.  I think people  (actually, I KNOW) that people often have love f*cked the f*ck up for something else.  The whole Chris Brown/Rihanna thing brings this to light for me.  I’m not going to dwell on that situation, the other blogs will do that for us, but it does highlight one of quite a few things that folks often misconstrue as love.

1)  Laying of the Hands – and not in the religious sense. Anytime somebody has to lay your a** out in order to show you that they love you, there’s clearly something wrong with them.  Hell, I still feel guilty for beating up my little sister when we were 10 and 7 respectively.  I actually feel sorry for women (and to a lesser extent men) who get caught up in relationships where they are so far gone that they think its okay for their man (or woman) to put hands on them on a whim.  (And I’d like to point out that though I missed that convo last week, if a woman approaches you like a man, and wants to act like a man, she is well within her rights to get treated like a man). Bottom line, they don’t love you if they have to thump you to show you.  They love beating you.  Sad, but true.

2)  On a lighter note, just because somebody spends mad dough on you does not mean that they love you. I’ve spent mad luchi on chicks I KNOW that I didn’t love before.  I was dumb.  Sue me.  If I could do it all over again, I’d buy every random chick a box of Thin Mints and a Shoebox card that says, “you’re great, pull my thumb.”  Money and love aren’t the same thing and shouldn’t be construed otherwise.  Some of the best loves were made of people of simple means.  Like Aladdin and Apu.  Aladdin was broke as the f*ck.  He had a whole song about being broke and what they had was real.  Real love like a 1991 hip-hop soul song.

3)  Somebody who only sees you on their schedule doesn’t really love you. I’ve said this before but I can’t stress this enough.  Main tenet of a good relationship?  Time.  But you know what’s number 2?  WILLFUL AND EXUBERANT INCONVENIENCE. When you really love somebody, you LOVE to go out of your way.  I wrote about this a long time ago using Chappelle’s show “Cambodian Breast Milk” as my lynchpin (that’s a strange word, no?).  Look sister, if your dude only wants to see you when he has “time”, he’s married with 2 children and only likes you because you do that thing with your tongue.  You know what I’m talking about.

And um, keep that up.  It’s probably the only way you’ll keep a man.  Don’t get mad, I’m only being real.

Oh, and this one’s important.

4)  Just because a person makes YOU feel better about yourself doesn’t mean that they love you. Now, it might help you to love them, but truth be told, unless you make them feel better about themselves too, they’re clealry just filling some hole (no pun intended) you were missing on the inside.  To them, you could just be any random person.  They could be your lucky charms, but to them, you might just be some low-fat, low-sugar, fiber-filled cereal.  And best believe, NOBODY likes that sh*t.  If they tell you they do, they’re lying and will put a hit out on your mother in 2 years.

And OF COURSE:

5)  Just because they give you that good sacklovin’, doesn’t mean they actually love you. It means they love to see you naked, and they’re good at naked games.  Love and sacklove should be treated as mutually exclusive.  Trust me.

*****

So good people of VSB, with as much relationships experiences as we all have and have observed, and as a PSA for love-struck f*ckups everywhere, what are some things that people get confused as love?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P

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Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. He believes the children are our future and is waiting to find out if he is the 2nd most interesting man in the world.

  • Ms. Hall

    OMG, I’m first!

    Now let me read the post.

    • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

      @Ms. Hall,

      Ok, see??

      • Yaa

        @Luvvie, LOL! At first I didnt see what the issue was and thought some of you all were being mean. But I feel you Luvvie….I feel ya.

  • http://theyounganddisenchanted.wordpress.com/ puff

    when a person tells/shows you, however subtly, who they really are, and you find that something in your gut tells you that they’re not right for you, believe it. you cannot change someone into the “right” person for you, whatever that may mean. and if the person gives you signs that they’re gonna mess up, take two and walk it out before it becomes too late and you end up extra salty at them/life in general. cos that’s just ugly and unfortunate.

    • Lili

      A lot of ppl ignore that gut feeling and delude themselves because they just want to have someone, anyone. Ppl invest in situations and people that aren’t right for them because they don’t want to be alone.

      • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

        @Lili,

        ***Faith Tabernacle Light of Christ in Jesus’ Holy Hug & Safekeeping C.O.G.I.C.***

      • Candace

        @Lili,
        So true and it’s sad. It’s like we miss the red flags totally. I am going through that now. You can’t make someone be something they’re not. It won’t end up well. Good bedding doesn’t always make for a great future.

    • http://www.sheliagoss.com/blog Shelia (on the Invisible Love Tour)

      @puff, I agree. Accept folks for what they are and not try to make them be what you want them to be.

      Panama you were on point.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        @Shelia (on the Invisible Love Tour), thanks. i try to be pointed. lol.

    • http://www.singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Nicki Sunshine

      @puff, Very well said…. gotta go with the gut.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @Nicki Sunshine,

        gotta go with the gut.

        not always. sometimes, wait, actually most times your brain needs to override your gut

        • http://starkept.blogspot.com Suga&Spice

          @The Champ, Reminds me of a statement I read once before and now have posted up in my cube, ‘Never put your heart in your mind’s position.’

        • Nikiloveli

          @The Champ,

          Not so. There are a number of times when you feel a certain way, but there’s no logical reason for it. Every time I’ve felt that, yet reasoned it away, I’ve lived to regret it.

          That said, the instinct that we call “gut” and the emotional center that we call “heart” are two different things. Your “heart” can lead you all kinds of wrong. Gut, not so much.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            @Nikiloveli,

            cant agree with this. sh*t, we’ve just had eight years of a president who made decisions solely on his gut. to paraphrase rob gordon from “high fidelity”, some people’s guts have sh*t for brains

            • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

              @The Champ,

              “some people’s guts have sh*t for brains” – This is my new favorite quote

            • Nikiloveli

              @The Champ,

              Poor example. We wouldn’t have had it much better if he’d used his brain. I stand by what I said, but if you have neither brains nor gut then just sitchoazzdown.

              • YGB

                @Nikiloveli,

                I’m with you on this one coz instinct is neither mind nor heart. Instinct is just that part of a person’s being that gives them a message that both the mind and the heart sometimes miss. I believe it’s God’s way of trying to tell me something and there have been instances in the past that I didn’t listen and boy did I regret it!

          • http://www.museacdonline.com pgh muse

            @Nikiloveli,

            I’m witchu on the whole mind, gut, heart argument. You can rationalize your way out of a blessing (your mind), and you can follow your emotions down the path of destruction, but I think that the gut, instinct, intuition, third eye vision or whateva we call it is god’s way of communicating with us. Each and everytime I’ve had a gut feeling about someone/something, it’s the only thing I should have listened to…

          • http://bestnaturalmaleenhancementpills.net AlexMan

            You says the right things man, I absolutely agree that it is a bit stupid to hear only your brains but not heart. That is ridiculous sometimes but it is true in 99%

        • http://www.singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Nicki Sunshine

          @The Champ, lol… let me rephrase… your educated gut.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @puff, yeah, i’m one of those people that always believes you’ll get signs that you should bounce on somebody. folks will tell you everything you need to know if you ask the right questions.

      some folks just choose to fore go that knowledge and pay for it later.

      • Yaa

        @Panama Jackson, I used to have A LIST of things that were reasons to bounce LOL. AN ACTUAL HANDWRITTEN LIST!! And every time things didnt feel right and I got signs or had that gut feeling that MAYBE dude aint the one, I would always review my list. Finally I just stopped being so technical and started following my heart and like you said started seeing signs that its time to roll out!

  • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

    Great Post PJ… someone has gotten some sleep or either gotten use to no sleep and flying high of the V day love…either way good topic. I totally agree with you on this one. Especially about the they make you feel good but you must return the favor…love is selfless and reciprical (?) and none of the other bull shyt…

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Shay-d-lady, actually, i’ve not gotten any sleep. i’m operating on zombie-status.

      i’m auditioning to be an understudy in the remake of Michael Jackson’s Thriller video next week. and i don’t need makeup.

      • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

        @Panama Jackson,

        And THAT visual may haunt my hopes, dreams and future goals

  • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

    Imma pass on that obamahead.. but Iwas going to get the progress tie died joint to post up but apparently that joint is no longer available due to legal problems…WTF? mo money mo problems…oh and also I love the Da Band chappelle skit… I love to be at work and walk into my team meetings like “thats it Imma shut the studio down” LOL

    • osyeP

      @Shay-d-lady, I think Im gonna try that in a meeting one day

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Shay-d-lady,

      somebody needs to do a ranking of the all-time top chapelle show skits.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=73903598 Dom

        @The Champ,

        Maybe for Friday fun?

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @Dom,

          hmmm. good idea and sh*t

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Shay-d-lady, my obama bobblehead is the sh*t. for one, everybody notices it and comments on it. it’s a guaranteed convo starter, an ice-breaker. in fact, if you have a date with a new person coming up and you’re looking for a way to get a convo going, buy an Obamahead, put it on your dashboard and watch the good times roll.

      • miss t-lee

        @Panama Jackson,
        Poppycock.

      • Nikiloveli

        @Panama Jackson,

        There are plush Obama and Hillary dolls in the little toy grabbing machine at my local grocery store. I covet them badly, but I suck at that game. I also bought some hideous Obama/Michelle shell earrings.

        It is my intention to collect all of the tackiest, strangest, most off the wall Obama memorabilia that I can find, then compile it into a coffee table book. Your bobblehead is up for review.

  • ofloveandotherdemons

    It’s not love just because the other person says, “I love you.” This phrase is so over used , it has secured itself a lifetime pass in tritesville.
    I believe it’s really hard to have a litmus test that proves that someone actually loves YOU. Sometimes the person does all the right things: quality time, exuberant inconvinience (love the phrase!!!) ish and says all the right things and all they are really in love with is the idea of being in love, not you per say. They had already made up their mind to fall in love, your a** just happened to be the first one they saw when they rounded that corner.
    As long as both parties know the situation, neither one is holding onto higher expectations/dreams of the releationship than the other, and the happy times far outweigh the dark ones in the set up, than I’m all for living in the moment. Enjoy having someone there for the rollercoaster ride, no need to put labels on everything.

    • http://www.sheliagoss.com/blog Shelia (on the Invisible Love Tour)

      @ofloveandotherdemons, “It’s not love just because the other person says, “I love you.”

      So true…words without action are dead in my opinion. Show me the love and then maybe I’ll believe it when the man says those three words to me….otherwise, those three words are meanliness without the action behind it.

      • miss t-lee

        @Shelia (on the Invisible Love Tour),
        Yes ma’am!!!

      • Nikiloveli

        @Shelia (on the Invisible Love Tour),

        Speak! I keep tellin’ these cats. Love is a verb, not an emotion.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=73903598 Dom

      @ofloveandotherdemons,

      I love this… “As long as both parties know the situation, neither one is holding onto higher expectations/dreams of the relationship than the other, and the happy times far outweigh the dark ones in the set up, than I’m all for living in the moment.”

      I think this pretty much sums up my thoughts on dating, relationships, etc etc. Its nice to just go with the flow sometimes. I think the hard part is actually knowing when to step it up and when to move on though. If the vibe is right then eventually you’ll want more.

      I also have to wonder why people are so opposed to titles if everything else is going well? Regardless of what you call your relationship, its still a relationship!

    • Me fail english?

      @ofloveandotherdemons,

      Amen. I’d like to piggyback on this (I really do hate that phrase) and add that crazy, desperate declarations of love like begging you back in front of co-workers, playing his radio high above his head and pointed toward your window, crying to your mom (I’ll let you guess which two of these happened to me) is not an indicator that this man loves you. In fact, it’s usually your first clue that he’s a disingenuous (I really do love that word), manipulative a$$hole. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

      • miss t-lee

        @Me fail english?,
        “playing his radio high above his head and pointed toward your window”

        You didn’t like the movie Say Anything did you?
        LOL

        • SouthernGirl is at work.

          @miss t-lee,

          i love that movie and i loved that part! and i must say, lloyd was a bit strange but he had all the actions to back up the ‘in your eyes moment.’ now if a ninja ain’t doing sh!t and then just pops up with a radio raheem ghetto blaster outside my window we might have a problem.

          • miss t-lee

            @SouthernGirl is at work.,
            Lloyd Dobbler!!!! :)
            I think he’s the only one who could get away with that.
            EVER.

            • SouthernGirl

              @miss t-lee,

              i think you’re right. lol.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @miss t-lee,

          say anything is on my list of movies i want to see but, for whatever reason. havent been able to

          • miss t-lee

            @The Champ,
            You should. It’s a good late 80′s flick. Plus it’s funny.

          • SouthernGirl

            @The Champ,

            you MUST see this movie.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            duly noted

      • Nikiloveli

        @Me fail english?,

        Girl, I had a grown man and his mom show up at my choir practice. Creepy stalker tactics are not romantic.

        • miss t-lee

          @Nikiloveli,
          This is a throat punch situation.

        • SouthernGirl

          @Nikiloveli,

          well damn! and his mama?!?!?!

          • Nikiloveli

            @SouthernGirl,

            Yep. It caused quite a stir. My pastor called her pastor, etc. Heeeee! How you gonna tell somebody’s pastor on them? That’s so wrong.

            • SouthernGirl

              @Nikiloveli,

              woooooooooooow.

      • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

        @Me fail english?,

        “it’s usually your first clue that he’s a disingenuous (I really do love that word), manipulative a$$hole. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…”

        Actually, there IS something wrong w/ ALL of that. Ol’ Brain from Pinky & the Brain Face.

        • ofloveandotherdemons

          @Luvvie,
          They’re Pinky and The Brain
          Yes, Pinky and The Brain
          One is a genius
          The other’s insane.
          They’re laboratory mice
          Their genes have been spliced
          They’re dinky
          They’re Pinky and The Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain
          Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain
          Brain.

          Before each night is done
          Their plan will be unfurled
          By the dawning of the sun
          They’ll take over the world.

          They’re Pinky and The Brain
          Yes, Pinky and The Brain
          Their twilight campaign
          Is easy to explain.
          To prove their mousey worth

          They’ll overthrow the Earth
          They’re dinky
          They’re Pinky and The Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain
          Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain

          Good God, I loveeed the Animaniacs. Sigh!!!!

          • Nikiloveli

            @ofloveandotherdemons,

            That does it. I am totally coming over to braid your hair.

          • Me fail english?

            @ofloveandotherdemons,
            Lol! I’m so mad you typed out this entire thing!

          • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com Sula for the kids…

            @ofloveandotherdemons,

            And with that, you have sealed our sisterly bond.

            That’s one of the greatest cartoons ever made. :)

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @ofloveandotherdemons, good one. i told a random person i loved them just yesterday.

      okay, no i didn’t.

  • superwoman

    Look sister, if your dude only wants to see you when he has “time”, he’s married with 2 children and only likes you because you do that thing with your tongue. You know what I’m talking about.

    And um, keep that up. It’s probably the only way you’ll keep a man. Don’t get mad, I’m only being real.

    HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! Champ, bathong!!!! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, i’m killed. oooh wee!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @superwoman,

      HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! Champ, bathong!!!! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, i’m killed. oooh wee!

      vsb.com: where seizures while typing happens

  • Foreigner

    We got more educated, more independent, more socially aware of what’s politically correct, more permissive and open, all the right things we’ve always wanted. But relationships have gotten worse leaving successful people unhappy. Divorce rates are at their highest. What did we do wrong? Did we miss something?

    • http://presidentialtelevisionandfilm.ning.com Monk

      @Foreigner,
      Yeah, we missed love.

      • Foreigner

        @Monk,
        I think love must be one of the most misunderstood words of all time. I feel good about you is translated to I love you. Gone are the responsibilities that go to back the feeling.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Foreigner,

      its not just relationships, its across the board. generally speaking, the more worldly and educated a human becomes, the less likely we are to be happy, because education changes expectations.

      i could expound for at least 500 more words, but i need to finish this pizza.

      welcome and sh*t, btw

      • Foreigner

        @The Champ,
        Thanks for having me Champ

      • Princess Duvet aka “The Princess Has Spoken”

        @The Champ,

        “generally speaking, the more worldly and educated a human becomes, the less likely we are to be happy, because education changes expectations. ”

        does it change expectations..or other people’s perceptions of the the expectation?

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Foreigner, What did we do wrong? Did we miss something?

      i think people read too much. with knowledge comes sorrow. lol. the most liberated people on earth realize that true happiness is difficult to find in other people. only problem with that is its a realization that usually happens in retrospect.

      folks just ain’t happy enough individually. i truly believe that.

      • Foreigner

        @Panama Jackson,
        You ever been in a bad relationship before?

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          @Foreigner, of course. i’ve been in a few.

    • Me fail english?

      @Foreigner,

      I think that we got so smart that we tricked ourselves into believing we could control/change things that we clearly cannot. And “beat” trends that we never will. Eg. If you have Jay-Z’s face but Maino’s money you WILL NOT snag a Beyonce. People try to rationalize their way to defying nature and wind up missing their blessings. But some stuff just is what it is. Just relax and let God take the wheel.

      • YGB

        @Me fail english?,
        Eg. If you have Jay-Z’s face but Maino’s money you WILL NOT snag a Beyonce

        LMAO! Oh Dayum!
        But this is true though

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        @Me fail english?, what if it’s JayZ’s face, with Maino’s money AND Yung Berg’s chain?

        i think that would definitely snag Beyonce.

        • Me fail english?

          @Panama Jackson,
          You mean Trick Trick’s chain?

    • SouthernGirl

      @Foreigner,

      welcome!!!

      *shooting gold stars*

      • Foreigner

        @SouthernGirl,

        Thanks lady

    • http://www.museacdonline.com pgh muse

      @Foreigner,
      I think that this is because the more a person has, more money, more education, better clothes, better food, more status all that good stuff… they think that their shyt don’t stink and that it’s all about them…every man/woman becomes their own island. People used to HAVE to work together and get along… now people don’t. So nobody tries to.

      • Foreigner

        @pgh muse,
        It’s great that people put in a lot of effort and sacrifice to succeed. That’s truly wonderful, but then when it comes to relationships they expect things to just work, like magic. Just imagine what would happen if you slept in just because you didn’t feel like waking up to go to work, or didn’t study just because you were tired. You’d be in s**t for sure. Same with relationships. The number one problem for relationships is infidelity. People just do what “feels” good with whomever and pay the price for it the hard way. Nobody says no to those subtle situations that gets us in trouble all the time. We’re getting educated and sharper in everything except restraint and good old common sense.

        • http://www.museacdonline.com pgh muse

          @Foreigner, We’re getting educated and sharper in everything except restraint and good old common sense.

          Amen.

    • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

      @Foreigner,

      Welcome, Foreigner! *flashes cheeks* (take that as you will)

      “But relationships have gotten worse leaving successful people unhappy.”

      I think despite all of this success, we’ve still failed at one of the most basic functions known to man: communication. Despite learning how to do it properly while growing up and/or taking gen-Ed courses on it in college, we’ve still managed to poop all on that when the heart gets involved. That heart is a trip!

      • Yaa

        @Cheekie, I think that the overall idea of what love and relationships are is a bit warped. I think we get out ideas from these fantasy ideas fed to us from movies, tv, etc. Relationships have to be built and that takes time. We want it instantly and when we cant have it that fast we move on to the next “good” thing. People dont want to take the time to invest in getting to know a person. Often its all about the fire and the physical and when that fire dies people are ready to leave. Everybody tosses around the word love like its a greeting. For me love is almost indescribable, its a connection between two people that are down for each other no matter what (somebody to wipe your ass or nose when you get sick kinda thing!) Its a totally unconditional thing. So personally, until I find that with a person I dont throw the word around. I tell my family that I love them because I mean it and its based on what I feel love is. Outside of that….I may have a STRONG LIKE or YEAH I AM REALLY FEELING YOU is all that I can give.

        And this isnt an angry black woman comment lol (hate those!!). I am just getting older, wiser and about substance.

        • Foreigner

          @Yaa,

          That’s some really true insight you’ve got there, but why do the majority of people have to wait to find out the hard way? Usually, people who find this truth about relationships only do so after very many years in the game, and that in itself presents new issues about finding mates, etc.

  • kmplx

    just cos their mom/granny/5 sisters/3 dogs loves you, doesn’t mean they do!
    and just cos someone says it, doesn’t mean they do.
    loves the post as usual. :)

    • http://presidentialtelevisionandfilm.ning.com Monk

      @kmplx,
      I totally agree with this.

    • http://www.sheliagoss.com/blog Shelia (on the Invisible Love Tour)

      @kmplx, “just cos their mom/granny/5 sisters/3 dogs loves you, doesn’t mean they do!”

      LOL…say it again.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @kmplx, thanks for the postlove.

      ya know, and this might be an entry at some point but i’ve never really felt that “meeting the family” was such a special treat. i’m close with my family. if you date me, you’ll probably meet them by default. there’s nothing grandiose about it for me.

      i think “meeting the parents” is one of those other things folks tend overthink.

      • SouthernGirl

        @Panama Jackson,

        i agree with your line of thinking, well, at least when i was home in NO but for some folks is it a big deal, a la the dude that never brings a girl home and then you come in and they’re looking at you like the second coming of BBJ and all you wanted was a piece of chicken.

      • ofloveandotherdemons

        @Panama Jackson,
        I agree. If we are seeing each other on a fairly regular basis then you are bound to meet my friends and my sweet peach pie of a mother. It’s not some grand declaration of approval on my part, it’s simply a numbers game. These are people I’m with often, so you are going to be meeting them at some point.

  • http://presidentialtelevisionandfilm.ning.com Monk

    Thorough list Panama.

    I would add that just because someone introduces you to their parents or invite you to special family get-togethers, doesn’t neccessarily equate to love.

    • http://www.sheliagoss.com/blog Shelia (on the Invisible Love Tour)

      @Monk, “just because someone introduces you to their parents or invite you to special family get-togethers, doesn’t neccessarily equate to love.”

      Monk–thanks for that. Some men and women have no problem introducing you to everybody in the family. You’ll be one of many that the family has met. If you hear the words, “oh you’re cuter or nicer than the last one,” make a note and know that his or her introducing you is the norm.

      Now as for me, if I introduce a man to my family, it means he’s something special to me. I don’t introduce guys I’m JUST dating to my family.

      • http://www.singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Nicki Sunshine

        @Shelia (on the Invisible Love Tour), “Now as for me, if I introduce a man to my family, it means he’s something special to me. I don’t introduce guys I’m JUST dating to my family.”

        This is me too…..

      • http://nianaturally.blogspot.com N.I.A. Ms.Alladatshyt….

        @Shelia (on the Invisible Love Tour), “Now as for me, if I introduce a man to my family, it means he’s something special to me. I don’t introduce guys I’m JUST dating to my family.”

        I am the same way. I remember this guy I was seeing in law school introduced me to his parents when they came to visit, and all I could think was I hope he doesn’t think I’m going to introduce him to my parents. In order to meet my parents, a man has to be exceptionally awesome…and I haven’t met him yet….

        • Lil’T

          @N.I.A. Ms.Alladatshyt….,

          Back in the day one of my FIRST stops was past my folk’s house – not that I wanted to rush the relationship, but my fam are good judges of character and not too overbearing. Not too much anymore – at some point they started clownin’ me for bringing a small parade. Some dudes were totally cool with it, some ran for the hills. My “keeper” was ok with swinging past mom’s house while were were out riding. My bro? He brought exactly ONE girl around – 2 weeks before he told us that he was going to propose, lol.

          • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com Sula for the kids…

            @Lil’T,

            Boys are really something ,aren’t they? :)

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @N.I.A. Ms.Alladatshyt….,

          In order to meet my parents, a man has to be exceptionally awesome…and I haven’t met him yet….

          obviously, you’ve never met the champ

      • miss t-lee

        @Shelia (on the Invisible Love Tour),
        “Now as for me, if I introduce a man to my family, it means he’s something special to me. I don’t introduce guys I’m JUST dating to my family.”

        Exactly.

      • http://fyre08.blogspot.com Ro

        @Shelia (on the Invisible Love Tour),

        If you meet the family and by family I mean parents… you locked down.

        My siblings… I’m around them all the time so meeting them is like meeting my friends.

        Meeting mom and dad…. they already know if I bring you home you’re something special and they will commence to joke you about it until we break up.

        Welcome to the family & Sh*t. *shrugs shoulders*

      • Nikiloveli

        @Shelia (on the Invisible Love Tour),

        “I don’t introduce guys I’m JUST dating to my family.”

        I actually have introduce my family in phases, in order relative to their insanity. There are some people that I didn’t introduce until the reception, and still others that he’s only heard stories about. Can’t have him thinking that ish runs in the family.

        • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com Sula for the kids…

          @Nikiloveli,

          Bwahahahaha. That’s hilarious.

    • http://www.singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Nicki Sunshine

      @Monk, I agree.

    • Me fail english?

      @Monk,

      Hope this isn’t a double post. But yeah that’d be an interesting post…What do you do when you have a person that is “taking a step” in intro’ing you to the parents when you no damn well you have no intentions to intro them?? Always an awkward moment

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=73903598 Dom

        @Me fail english?,

        I agree, this would make a good post. I think theres a fine line to introducing the new beau and the rents, other people not so much. I feel like I’ve always been introduced at wildly innapropriate times.

        • Me fail english?

          @Dom,

          “I feel like I’ve always been introduced at wildly innapropriate times.”

          Haha, that’s a ppost in itself. When I was a 19y.o. wild child my friend’s mom (that I had met twice) came into my bedroom at the buttcrack of dawn (read: about 11:30am) just to say wut up/good morning on a SUNDAY. She looked in my trash to find a used condom, blunt guts, and an empty bottle of 151. Luckily my bf had already left by that time. Here I was thinking I was all grown and sh!t, not caring about grown folks’ disapproving glares like, “Whateva. I do what I want.”

          I was mortified.

          • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=73903598 Dom

            @Me fail english?,

            Thats a mess! I think I can top that though…

            I was jumping off with a dude when I was 19. We had fallen asleep on the couch after doing the do, and when his mom came home early from her nightshift she was greeted by my thonged booty.

            After I put some clothes on she made breakfast and proceeded to tell me her son was going to be a pastor. I think she was in denial.

            Sadly, thats just one of my stories. It wasnt funny at the time, but I can kinda chuckle about it now.

            • Me fail english?

              @Dom,

              Heh heh, Yep that def. tops mine :)

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

              @Dom, so um, did dude become a pastor or what?

              • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=73903598 Dom

                @Panama Jackson,

                No. He became a crack head. Like, a real true to life crack head.

                Sad sad story.

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

              @Dom,

              I was jumping off with a dude when I was 19. We had fallen asleep on the couch after doing the do, and when his mom came home early from her nightshift she was greeted by my thonged booty.

              lol at the image of dom’s thonged booty answering the front door like it was a doorman

              • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=73903598 Dom

                @The Champ,

                Yeah, it was a mess. I tried to put some clothes on but but all I could find was the floss.

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

              @Dom,

              No. He became a crack head. Like, a real true to life crack head.

              Sad sad story.

              so you f*cked a crackhead?

              • V Renee

                @The Champ,

                I can’t stop laughing at this…..but that’s what’s sounding like to me. :)

              • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=73903598 Dom

                @The Champ,

                He wasnt when I was with him. Eventually HE BECAME a crackhead, after we stopped dealing.

                Reading is fundamental, Champ.

              • Yaa

                @The Champ, dying!!!!

          • SouthernGirl

            @Me fail english?,

            i am confused by this story. is the bf the friend? but you were in your room and the mom came by? whaaaaa?

            • Me fail english?

              @SouthernGirl,

              Lol. My bf=my boyfriend. It was my homegirl/suitemate’s mom that came in.

              And LMAO @ a dude coming thru with the Radio Raheem blasting some Ghostface. I think I’d have to take him back!

              • SouthernGirl

                @Me fail english?,

                lmao@ ghostface. eh, i think early meth would do it for me. ;-) hell, who i am fooling? he (meth) could still get it today.

                i got the bf thing i was more confused/concerned with how the mama fit into the picture if it was your room and not your mama. i thought you were saying his mama came in. lol.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Monk, thanks. i try to operate thoroughly.

  • KingPine

    “1) Laying of the Hands – and not in the religious sense. Anytime somebody has to lay your a** out in order to show you that they love you, there’s clearly something wrong with them.”

    Imma be livin this sh!t down forever…..smgdh lol

    Love, in my world, is doin what needs to be done…. it’s an acknowledgement that we are all connected. it might be time….it might be money…it might be good skins….but it most definitely is self-sacrifice…..

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @KingPine,

      Love, in my world, is doin what needs to be done…. it’s an acknowledgement that we are all connected. it might be time….it might be money…it might be good skins….but it most definitely is self-sacrifice…..

      its interesting how everyone has different definitions of love

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        @The Champ, that’s very true.

        i asked my grandma what she felt love was, and she said its never having to smack a b*tch

        i think the definition changes daily.

        • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

          @Panama Jackson,

          LMAO @ Granny. Ol’ folks are awesome b/c they truly dont give a damn what they say

        • YGB

          @Panama Jackson,

          LMAO – your granny sho is gully! I like her!

      • Nikiloveli

        @The Champ,

        I don’t think that people have different definitions. I think that we just all use different words to describe the same concept. Thing is, no matter the nomenclature, we know it when we see it. We really know it when we don’t. Some of us just like to delude ourselves.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @Nikiloveli,

          I don’t think that people have different definitions. I think that we just all use different words to describe the same concept. Thing is, no matter the nomenclature, we know it when we see it. We really know it when we don’t. Some of us just like to delude ourselves.

          i see what you’re saying, but i do think that the definition of love and the feelings/emotions accompanying it is variable. it seems like a cop-out answer, but it really does depend on the person

        • ofloveandotherdemons

          @Nikiloveli,
          I think we do have different definitions. Our experiences shape how we view the world and what we expect from it, including love, and since each person’s experiences are inherently unique, then so is our concept love. My granny, the third wife of a lout of a grandfather, probably had a widely different definition of what love (I’m pretty sure cattle provision was involved) was than I do.