I’ve come across some bad ideas in my day. Hell, I’ve probably been the mastermind behind half of them. You’ve heard of the Pet Rock? Of course you have.
Me? I came up with the Pet Rock leash. If you’re like me, you hate it when your rock gets away. It only took off in the crackhead community and as you can imagine, that led to nowhere.
Stop Snitchin’ t-shirts? Yeah, I tried to promote the Start Snitchin’ campaign but that one went awry after I refused to give my name to reporters out of fear of snitching on myself. Needless to say, that business tanked too.
The point is, I know a bad idea when I see one.
Pink Kisses? Come on down!
*Price Is Right music*
What is Pink Kisses? Glad you asked. It’s a site intended to help women through breakups. I won’t do it proper justice so I’ll let them tell you. Here’s there mission statement:
To help women through heartbreak with all sorts of fabulous pick-me-ups. We’ll surprise you with chocolates, flowers, texts, emails, and our exclusive virtual gifts; we even have our own PK Life Coach to help you set new goals and a “Diva for a Day” experience where we spoil you with a fabulous, personalized photo shoot, to help mark a new chapter in your life.
At Pink Kisses, we want to change women’s lives by inspiring them to take control of their own fate and reminding them they are fabulous creatures that deserve to be spoiled… time and again.
Hey Panama, what gives? That sounds like a great idea.
By jove, you’re right, it does. Why however could I think this was a bad idea?!
Oh, right. Women, you have PAY for these services to make yourself better. You need an example don’t you? Of course you do. Basically, say Shakashawn breaks your heart. Boo hoo you. You are heartbroken. Yes, you have a broken heart, hence your heartbrokenness which is how you get a broken heart. Where do broken hearts go?
Well ladies, for $272 you can send YOURSELF some flowers, text messages, some chocolates, and a few other things to make you feel like a lady again. Oh yeah, some life coaching lessons and some posters.
So let me get this right. You got your heart broken so what you should then do is pay some chicks who probably have men to send you pick me up text messages and flowers and chocolates which are the very things that will remind you that you don’t have a man to do those things for you…from women. Look, I suppose in spirit this is a good idea but why would any woman spend money on things that a man who likes you would do in order to remind herself that she’s going to be okay? It’s like a vibrator without batteries. No return on investment. Forgive my ignorance but I can’t see how sending yourself flowers helps you get over a breakup. Flowers aren’t cheap. So you lighten your bank account to look at something in your home that your ex would have sent, but didn’t. But yes, you are liberated!
But ladies there’s hope. Apparently there’s a woman shortage in China - to the tune of about 32 million. You see, China has a one child-rule for certain peoples. And since female infanticide is an accepted part of culture due to the preference for male children, the Chinese done f*cked themselves (is this a pun?) out of the poonany. So ladies if you don’t feel like spending the money on a breakup kit from Pink Kisses you can go to China and find you a Chinaman. I’m sure they’ll be fighting over you hand and fist. That’s not a pun as I’m not saying all Chinamen are kungfu warriors, because they’re totally not. But I do know one thing, with that kind of shortage, there will be more wangs fighting of your sisters than you could shake a cat at.
What say you people, is the Pink Kisses thing a good or bad idea? OR is it a much needed tool to help women overcome a breakup? Guys, if there was a man version of this, perhaps with manly things in it, would you ever consider something like that to help boost your esteem…if nobody would ever find out about it?
And most importantly, ladies, would YOU date a Chinaman?
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka 40 P aka VITAMIN P aka GO KING BEEF aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3