“you’re puttin’ the pu**y on a pedestal. you’re making the pu**y into this great big greek goddess named ‘pussalia’ and what you’re doing is that you’re psyching yourself into to thinking that it’s some impossible feat.”
—jay from the 40 year old virgin
although this quote alludes to the sexual anxiety felt by a man deathly afraid to do the do, this same concept applies to women. this has become an epidemic. a pandemic problem of epic proportions. thousands of women out there, psyching themselves out sexually and subsequently self-sabotaging their relationships by pedestaling their p’s.
in this context, this term describes the phenomenon that occurs when women focus so much on the “to bone, or not to bone??” dilemma that they allow that question to permeate everything they do, superseding everything else about themselves. today, we’ll examine how three ways this negatively affects relationships
1) the trophy
there’s a reason why the women who hem and haw the most about when to have sex seem to disproportionately date men who are only interested in sleeping with them. if a woman acts as if her p is the only thing she has to offer, the proverbial juicy gumdrop at the center of an stale apple, a man will usually pick up on this vibe and act accordingly. to put it bluntly, if this is all she has, it’ll be all he wants.
while she’s carrying her pedestal around, taking it on dates with her, sitting it on her lap and buying it appetizers, hes either losing interest or doing everything humanly possible to smash her, ummm, “pedestal” to smithereens.
she’s trophied her p, and now he just wants to f*ck the trophy.
2) the wackness
this phrase describes the sex that pedestalists usually have
***because of some issues regarding vsb being blocked at certain workplaces, i’m not going to get too descriptive here. please just use your imaginations. if you have wack imaginations, just think about joy behar and ving rhames***
3) “what next?”
possibly the most unfortunate by-product of the pedestalization of the p is the fact that so much time, effort, and energy is spent mulling and debating that everything afterward becomes anti-climatic.
the timeline usually occurs as follows:
day 1: finally, after six and a half torturous days months playing the pedestal game, they have aggressively mediocre sex. if mediocre sex were plastic surgery, they’d be goldie hawn’s face.
12 minutes later: he gets a vitamin water from the fridge.
***this really has no relevance. i just wanted to give vitamin water a shout-out in case they want to sponsor us***
27 minutes later: since she knows this is the first time he’s seen her naked, she makes a half-hearted statement about “getting up early” which is herspeak for “i don’t need for you to be seeing my naked ass in the daylight and sh*t. me and daylight booty dimples don’t get along very well. please leave now”
day 2-day 7: more self-conscious hemming and hawing, bookmarked with “hypothetical” convos with her least judgmental girlfriend to see what she should do next. also, in this span, she receives exactly two text messages from him. she interprets this as him only being interested in sleeping with her. she’s right.
day 8: they speak again, and he offers to “come through and watch 300“. he also brings boneless chicken wings and condoms.
they have sex.
day 9-day 42: rise and repeat until dry (pun intended)
now, i’m not suggesting that women start boning every tom, jack, and dick indiscriminately, making themselves easier than southern math, and i’m not trying to minimize the importance of sex. sex will always be relevant, a woman’s sexuality should also be precious, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah
thing is, making “to bone, or not to bone?” the most important question has a funny way of also making it the only question, and “who is pussalia” sure makes for a wack-ass test.
—the champ
off top, just wanna say i like the topic and think that if one ends up at the “what next?” stage and all that comes off of that is some ‘aggresively mediocre sex’ why don’t we know better and just leave it alone. instead of going thru the timeline of whackess.
@ “day 2-day 7: more self-conscious hemming and hawing, bookmarked with “hypothetical” convos with her least judgmental girlfriend to see what she should do next.”
if you’re already hemming and hawing, just seems like you do recgonize the hookup as some bs, but are too pathetic to stop it and just sit by waiting on that call from him to “come thru.” smh.
–sidenote @ champ I really enjoy your blogs and straight talk style of addressing topics, in case you didn’t know.
@maria,
–sidenote @ champ I really enjoy your blogs and straight talk style of addressing topics, in case you didn’t know.
thanks and sh*t, maria
@maria,
stage and all that comes off of that is some ‘aggresively mediocre sex’ why don’t we know better and just leave it alone. instead of going thru the timeline of whackess.
Loneliness makes you do some crazy a** s**t. I’ve settled for a blind, arthritic donkey in lieu of a pure breed stallion in the name of having some human connection. Hindsight, of course, makes me realize I was selling myself short, but lets not underestimate the scourge that is being lonely.
@ofloveandotherdemons, explain to me the realities of this loneliness? I (I am a dude) worked for min wage while an undergrad now thats a lonely world but yall women get ALL types of men from puberty to death hollering at yall, when are yall ever THAT lonely? A ladies station in life doesnt play any real role in what kind of man she wants-from broke to baller yall are raised to believe there is no man that doesnt want “this”.
Even as an undergrad in NYU I was looked at as being suspect cuz I didnt have the sexy job to go with being in such a sexy school
@ofloveandotherdemons,
indeed. terrible but true. sometimes we don’t know our own self worth and get caught up in thinking a body next to me, inside me and around me = sometimes more than just a lonely bone.
@maria, its not having a body next to you thats wrong, you are human…its the materialism that is used to filter the “kind” of guy you choose: men buy all that extra shit due to a lack of confidence; women see the stuff as confidence when really she’s using his goals and accomplishments to mask her own insecurities. For me it was better to date as a undergrad the broke shorty gettin her degree-cuz her already graduated counterpart thinks me being a broke student is somehow a reflection of her…silliness
12 minutes later: he gets a vitamin water from the fridge.
***this really has no relevance. i just wanted to give vitamin water a shout-out in case they want to sponsor us***
champ, champ, champ….. you are so foolish, but so delightful. i don’t know whether to smack you or kiss you…
I love the vitamin water shout!
@superwoman,
champ, champ, champ….. you are so foolish, but so delightful. i don’t know whether to smack you or kiss you…
vsb.com: where south africans give the champ south african compliments
@The Champ, ha ha ha, you kill me! on an unrelated note – world cup tix went on sale last week! woo hoo!! any VSB soccer fans coming down??
come down and play!!
@superwoman,
I am darling!!! I just hope my team makes it. But even if they don’t, I’ll be there.
H00t H00t!
@Sula is Swamped, ok, get in touch closer to the time and we’ll play! don’t worry about the teams not making it – the only reason our sad, sad national team is making it coz we’re the hosts… so i’m hitching my fate to the brazilians!
@superwoman,
“i don’t know whether to smack you or kiss you…”
Word on the street (Aif Wondra) said The Champ likes both
@Luvvie,
im so mad, 8th is now equivalent to the street! lmao!
I love that when I can’t go to sleep at this ridiculous hour, I can come here and be entertained.
The question shouldn’t be ‘To bone or not to”. It should be, “Would I give this person a key to my house?” This gem brought to you by Nikilovely NoBlog Most women don’t hem and haw over that. If there’s any doubt that she can trust him with her flat-screen, she should pass on the chex. Also hemming and hawing is caused by a woman’s intuition. She FEELS the whole thing is some BS but ignores that feeling.
@Hostess,
you and PBG make a great point (she made hers a while back but its basically the same one)…women seem to think so much about whether or not to get it on, but are considering all the wrong criteria! if im not gonna get up and go to work and leave old boy in my place, then he should be able to visit “my place”
i dont know why trust seems to be so low on the list.
@Hostess,
I agree so much!
(ps – guess who as internet at home now??)
I’m baaaack!
@GOODENess,
Welcome back Madame Goodie!!!!
**Special Edition only for GOODENess Diva Dust ™**
@blackberry molasses,
*running into the special edition dust storm, spinning around really fast w/ my arms out like Diana Ross in the Whiz*
I’ve always wanted my own personal DIVA DUST! Thank you Blackberry Molasses!!! You’re the Best-est!
@Hostess, Very very good point!
@Hostess,
I love that when I can’t go to sleep at this ridiculous hour, I can come here and be entertained.
vsb.com: where the champ entertains women at ridiculous hours
btw…
“If there’s any doubt that she can trust him with her flat-screen, she should pass on the chex.”
great point. again, ive always been puzzled about how some women would rather trust a guy inside of them than trust them with 100 dollars
@The Champ,
this is why “her two cents” remains my favorite post to date!
Big ups to you for tryna get a Vitamin Water endorsement. We are in the TET * (Hostess, 2009).
Oh and how is chex ‘aggresively mediocre sex’??
*tuff economic times*
@Hostess,
i think the same way that people go on dates and act “aggressively nonchalant”
i *heart* champspeak!
@Hostess,
I would define AMC as a fury of thrusting and grunting that leads to a wal(nut) that you could have done better by yourself with a glass of wine and and some new batteries!
and for the record…AMC is what gets ninjas put the fugg out of the corner! fired and ineligible for rehire! do not pass go, do not collect 2 hunnit dollars!
@GOODENess,
lol@ this whole comment. true…but still.
@GOODENess,
Off topic:
I’ve always wondered if we (and by we , I mean general population no specific group) are perpetuating a myth when we state that chex is always good the first couple of times. Sometimes, you have to work at getting it from AMS level to unicorn-skitles and rainbow levles. I don’t think comfort/trust level guarantee great first time chex either. If the guy is a good fit in every other department, than dangnabbit just work at the chex. If you are trully incompatible in that area, than……..Yeah, I don’t know what to do then. Curse the fates, and their vile sense of humor.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
having had some first time awkward/it’s aight chex that has turned into OMG, i must say, sometimes this is true. there’s a difference between almost there but not quite and just wack i could’ve had a V8 chex. you can usually tell the ones you can work on.
others, it’s best to leave your draws where they lay and hit the street. or so i heard….
@SouthernGirl,
LMAO @ i coulda had a V8!! ya’ll are nuts!
@shatani, it depends on why you having sex with them. I always feel when women pickthe “wrong man” its the Fly Guy who was sexing yall right but then..well…shit got drab: The sex at first was too good-then you got accustomed things slowed down then he sped them up-the yo-yo-then disappears. Whats a girl to do its hard to run back to friends and complain that the Fly Guy you met who had you climbing walls-skipping work and church!! has now fallen off..has he or is he fallin off of you to give someone else the D?
@Hostess,
Oh and how is chex ‘aggresively mediocre sex’??
this is what happens when cats spend so much time talking about and debating something that they become paralyzed with thought, effectively insuring sack wackness
joy behar and ving rhames? why do you hate me?
*hurl, puke, barf*
@shatani,
…personally, I think Joy could take’m. Have’m singin like Holiday Heart.
***raises hand***
my v. monologue is “pedistalized” and will always be. And its not the only thing I think I bring to the party either, all the women I know, coincidentally have one too.
I also know that a woman thinks clearly before se!x, a man after. So its important to me that I REALLY know the man I am commencing relations with, that he gives a dayum about me, and that we are also emotionally and se@xually compatible.
I don’t think wacktasktical se#x happens between two people who have gotten to know each other well. Wacktastical and increasingly anti-climatic occurs when people ONLY get to know each other quick and dirty and intellectually. There are many ways to cultivate intimacy (outside of the boudoir) and that takes a little longer than two dates…
But I would also tend to agree with part of the assertion in the post. Many women make men wait. And they have no idea why the f!k they are making him do it. Its not a setting of the egg timer, its not a mathmatical equation, its not dinner, movies, dinner, movies, dinner, movies, fried chicken, then lets f!k.
I mean there are things that are suppose to be occuring in the middle. Super basic things…{like is he really single ?? (this is HUGE with some women) sleeping with him, won’t answer that question, monitoring his behavior will.
@Princess Duvet aka “The Princess Has Spoken”,
ok Princess…I have a tat that says “Princess” and I love duvets and dust ruffles…so you KNOW I love you like my cousin in law’s first baby mama just on the strength of your screen name…but:
“There are many ways to cultivate intimacy…”
and
“Many women make men wait. And they have no idea why the f!k they are making him do it. ”
make me want to put you on my Kwanzaa list!
ROYAL BED LINENS RAWK!
@GOODENess,
“ROYAL BED LINENS RAWK!”
they SHO do!!!!!!!!
@Princess Duvet aka “The Princess Has Spoken”,
this whole comment gets an A+
@Gem Possible,
agreed!
@Gem Possible & Shatani & NIA
“this whole comment gets an A+”
thanks ladies.
@Princess Duvet aka “The Princess Has Spoken”,
I agree with this post. And I’ll add a smiley face sticker along with Gem’s A +
@Princess Duvet aka “The Princess Has Spoken”,
*shooting gold stars* all up and over this post.
i do think though, that there is a difference between putting the p on a pedastal and having discretion about who you sleep with.
@SouthernGirl,
“i do think though, that there is a difference between putting the p on a pedastal and having discretion about who you sleep with”
**catching the gold stars**
but what do you mean by there is a difference? I think in a way there are related. Assuming there is no sex@ual dysfunction and a woman ACTUALLY enjoys having se!x with a man..I would think putting your situation on a pedastal implies that you are discerning about whom you sleep with.
@Princess Duvet aka “The Princess Has Spoken”,
i guess it can all boil down to semantics and perceptions. putting the p on a pedestal has negative connotations a la the champ’s post, even though he adds the caveat that he’s not saying jump into bed with everyone you meet. i also think this topic has potential for us to miss the intent as sometimes happens on vsb.
to me, pedastaling the vajayjay is, as it has been mentioned, when a woman thinks that is all/the best she has to offer and acts accordingly. therefore putting much unneeded pressure on the sitch and thinking more about how she is perceivied in that manner. or making him wait when she has no real reasons of her own as to why, as you mention.
i agree with everything you said, i ain’t giving out gold stars all willy nilly. i just don’t place the same header on it i guess. spending time with someone, getting to know them and getting to that place (hopefully built on good times, laughs, mutual interest and respect for one another with a good helping of the intimacy and trust that comes with all of that, etc.) where i feel comfortable and what to get physical with you, is not, in my eyes, the definition of putting the p on a pedastal. that’s having discretion, knowing what works for me, what i’m looking for and not being moved to do something that is contrary to that because of how kitkatkeisha got down with you after making you wait until the seasons changed all for a two piece and a biscuit.
*shrug*
does that make sense?
@SouthernGirl,
to me, pedastaling the vajayjay is, as it has been mentioned, when a woman thinks that is all/the best she has to offer and acts accordingly. therefore putting much unneeded pressure on the sitch and thinking more about how she is perceivied in that manner. or making him wait when she has no real reasons of her own as to why, as you mention.
if this comment was a white, high-school all-american small forward, i’d be duke university.
@Princess Duvet aka “The Princess Has Spoken”,
I would think putting your situation on a pedastal implies that you are discerning about whom you sleep with.
not in the context of this entry
@Princess Duvet aka “The Princess Has Spoken”,
there i was, procrastinating (read: composing a response) – when i read your comment.
“And its not the only thing I think I bring to the party either, all the women I know, coincidentally have one too.”
- provoked me into **snaps** at my desk –
way to state the thing that many pedestal practitioners forget – regardless of what your position is, if you’re putting all the emphasis on the p, you will attract others doing the same .
1. i agree with your position 100% at least 90% of the time (the other 10% i’m thinking about how much of a break my fingers and batteries would like…)
so, thanks Princess, for decreasing the amount of time i spent on this here fantastic blog.
@hibernatingB,
“1. i agree with your position 100% at least 90% of the time (the other 10% i’m thinking about how much of a break my fingers and batteries would like…)”
LOL..wow..
“so, thanks Princess, for decreasing the amount of time i spent on this here fantastic blog.”
unhibernate and..comeback real soon.
@Princess Duvet aka “The Princess Has Spoken”,
Many women make men wait. And they have no idea why the f!k they are making him do it
way to sum up my 700 word entry in 19 words.
@The Champ,
brevity, son…look into it.
@Princess Duvet aka “The Princess Has Spoken”,
I agree with everything else except,
I don’t think wacktasktical se#x happens between two people who have gotten to know each other well. Wacktastical and increasingly anti-climatic occurs when people ONLY get to know each other quick and dirty and intellectually. There are many ways to cultivate intimacy (outside of the boudoir) and that takes a little longer than two dates…
I don’t think there is a guarantee either way. You have to be willing to figure each others hot spot, likes and dislikes in the boudair. Getting to know each other may or may not build up enough trust to let yourself be less analytical and rely more on your senses, which I think is the thing that great chex is made of. I’m not even sure that that initial physical rush always translates to good chex.
@Princess Duvet aka “The Princess Has Spoken”, I cannot after seeing so many “good women” have babies by men they themselves call weak that as a whole women think clearly after sex.
One shorty I know is having a married mans baby (after dealing with on again off again since 2005)the other gave up her bougie/chi-chi lifestlye to be saddled with her BF’s son while he broke to the West Coast. She moved to a four stroy walk up when dating him, relying on his car soley she never got her liscense, shes in her mid 30′s. She is semi employed (freelance writer but sans degree). I dont broad stroke or I try not to, this. How can women think clearly when so many I have met (and these are the indie/corp climbin-wasnt-fu*king in high school but a lot in college-dual degree chicks) are in the same boat as any other ghetto baby moms?
Women (and men, to some extent) are so inundated with the rights and wrongs on how to date, when to give it up, who to give it up to, what all that chexing signifies that our instincts have been lulled into a coma. There doesn’t seem to be an organic progression to non-platonic releationships. If you are honest with yourself, and are fine with giving it up based on pure physical attraction (and the resultant baggage), than good for you. Likewise, if you are the type that needs to have the emotional tied with the physical (including whatever baggage that entails), then acknowledge it and act accordingly. Doesn’t mean the latter is any more moral or correct than the latter situation. If the other party isn’t comfortable with your sexual pace, or isn’t willing to respect that for whatever reason, then move on.
I always thought I was the type of duck that could do the no strings attatched chex, but several heart-wringing episodes later, turns out I’m not. I realised I was pulling a bait and switch on the other party (and myself to an extent); they thought it was purely pleasure, I fooled myself into thinking it was purely pleasure and then inevitably my dang feelings would come into play.
All this to say, it’s not pedestaling (not a word, I’m sure) the vajay-jay for every person. Me holding out, just means I’m not ready to give it up. It’s not a power play, it’s a defense mechanism.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
“Me holding out, just means I’m not ready to give it up. It’s not a power play, it’s a defense mechanism.”
I like that…
@ofloveandotherdemons,
you put that better than i couldve at 2 in the mornin when i was putzing around on here! thats exactly it for me as well….i thought i could play no-strings, and for a moment i could. then, i couldnt anymore…i didnt have any real “eff you up” heartbreaks, i just informed ninjas of my change in status and let them decide if they wanted to stick around or not…i hate when people change the rules of the game and dont inform the other players!
is it on a pedestal? maybe…the way i see it, i just made the decision to stop getting involved for the sake of being involved. it kept leading to me being severely disappointed by men that shouldn’t have had me in the first place.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
i have nothing else to add here. this was an impressive comment and sh*t.
it seems as if all ya’ll vsb-ers took your smart and articulate pills this morning or something
@ofloveandotherdemons,
This comment was so awesome that I wanna wine and dine it AND let it come back to my place to watch SportsCenter.
@ofloveandotherdemons, here here you nailed it. This bullshit holding out women do is like weed heads talking about how they dont need trees BUT it enhances things..well when I blaze I lik to get high PERIOD it dont enhance a fucking thing. While we at it, ladies if you were “not fucking in high school” thats only relavent until 23-thats the five yr mark. I have seen too many chicks think that made them “virtuous” yet neglected to mention the various hand jobs and BJ’s and not to forget the touch-taste-things you can do that isnt considered “sex”while she was “virgin”. And these are the chicks that have babies by the same (or kind of) “losers” they was avoiding in high school or in college. You know “the Players and ‘em”.
heeeeey ya’ll… Since I have internet at home now (the crowd goes wild) and I am wide-the-fugg-awake (for reasons I wish not to disclose) I am typing…so…I have the opposite problem…I try to downplay the fuggery and skull-duggery in an effort to connect to the person, because in my mind…sex and intimacy are mutually exclusive and one is FAR less interesting without the other…
IF I am putting in the effort to get to know you (and vice versa) then it’s understood that I am physically attracted to you, so you just have to be real and not mess it up…it’s not a question of IF, it’s a question of WHEN…so chill out and don’t fugg it up!
@GOODENess,
Hooray for Goody Goody Gum Drop’s home innanets!!!!
I agree though, you should not use it as some wack azz Checkers move (i.e. simple games). You should save your goodies for when you are comfortable in going there with said individual and ready to deal with the consequences said relations will garner, and not for any other reason…
…it’s not a question of IF, it’s a question of WHEN…
*clapping* brava!
@GOODENess, “chill out and don’t fugg it up!”
can I get this on a shirt….
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
I’d like my shirt in an Xsmall. Plz and thank you
@GOODENess,
welcome back goodie! i missed ya!
pedestaling for no reason?
this has got to apply to someone else right? cuz if a woman is holding back, there are reasons. at least i hope there are.
@lulu,
this has got to apply to someone else right?
nope.
I support. I am a firm believer that although one may be a little tighter than another depending on how many kids/orgies the chick has had. But at the end of the day it’s more about how you feel about the person. Not necessarily love or anything like that, but I think that a man will enjoy sex more with a chick he digs rather than some randomwho may or may not have pedastooled (I made that up.) her trim.
@Ange,
you had me at “trim”
@The Champ,
Sat. Down.
To give or not to give is a hard question. I have seen it go both ways. Give it up quick and its not AMC but hot mindnumbing chex you could end up with a stalker b/c he was used to waiting and getting AMC; or you get the hypocritical brother that gets that HMC and deduces you must be a hoecake cause only hoecakes can give HMC up early.
@Fivefivewithbrowneyes,
giiiiiirl that is the stuff drive-bys (and truckrunners) are made of!
@Fivefivewithbrowneyes,
To give or not to give is a hard question
thats life and sh*t. deal with it
IMHO, after s3x, men don’t see straight… I don’t mean to generalize, but I call them how I see them.
Before the s3x, men:
1. will date you;
2. answer their phone at what ever time you call;
3. don’t mind chit chatting and finding out your favorite color;
After s3x,
1. men resort to 1 am text messages, talking about what do you have on.
2. The only thing he’s getting to know is what’s your favorite position or your best trick;
3. Your dates turn into bootleg movies brought over to your home and “what are you cooking?”
I think I’ll continue keeping my P in its lock box, stankuverymuch.
@Nicki Sunshine, Doesn’t this prove Champ’s point? Not all dudes act this way. Particularly dudes who like you for more than circus chex, may not do AS much post chex but they still show consistent interest.
@Hostess, Dead @ circus chex! LMAO.
Until I see that guy in the flesh, I’m gonna have to go ahead and stick with my analysis. **keeping hope alive ***
@Nicki Sunshine, honestly you never met ONE man that though wanted to sex you, couldnt put that away until..or just live with the fact he may never get any? Not one.
Some of the best I have had came waaaay down the line since being desparate or “expecting” is not a move to get the painties off..in fact it was my “indifferentness” (attn to detail w/out stressin it IMO) that really worked-not that I didnt notice but she aint taking “it” there so I left it as a “maybe”. I am man enuff and smart enuff to use subtext and code my words-hell I got some by talkin about “what and how I cook my food”, and what “seasoning” I use, a teenager would have not caught on to the subtext. Not once was “sex”, or “have sex” said in that convo.
@Hostess,
lol…me thinks ms sunshine needs to do a more thorough re-read.
@The Champ, Aw shat. It wouldn’t be the first time I dozed off somewhere in the middle and brought it back. lol.
*** blaming undiagnosed ADD ****
@Nicki Sunshine,
if a dude does that to you he didn’t like you that much in the first place.
@Deviant, Dang, I must be pretty unlikeable.. ***kicks dust on the way to the cliff****
Joking
@Nicki Sunshine,
“I think I’ll continue keeping my P in its lock box, stankuverymuch.”
So if you never give up the love pocket, how do you give a guy the chance to prove you wrong?
@Luvvie,
Great question. I am curious the read the answer.
@Sula is Swamped,
me three.
@Nicki Sunshine, ooookay so AFTER the baby she sees and this is AFTER the baby is born that his confidence was not so it was selfhishness and that he is a bitch and is a weak…did a baby really have to be born for her to see this ? And yes she’s an “indie/bougie I got my own” woman-she just cant admit her avg college educated Ex (at 37 has not kept his sword sharp) with his avg ride, GOT her with above avg ass with some really good and above avg sex. She even against her wishes moved in to a four story walk-where her and baby are at now and yet didnt take advantage of Ex having a car by getting her license (all 3 of us are NY’ers but I got my DL). She claimed that she wasnt having babies until marriage.
Whatever.
Good D and a car = a baby neither one of em wanted. And she is the latest in a slew of “good black women” I have met or come across whose choices in men lead you to say “its the sex” bottom line, men are not the only ones to go ape after some good sex-heck it really took to my late 20′s to see this so I like most thought it was only a man thing.
This message is brought to you by “I’m Notta Preacher or Angel Inc.”
Maybe this is another reason that, like shackin’, certain things are for marriage. I wasn’t a virgin when I was married, but it stands to reason that the sex that I enjoyed before marriage was often tied to a lot of the drama I endured as well. There is a undeniable connection beyond the physicality that comes with the Horizontal Polka and I may be amongst the minority of men when I say that if I had to do it over, I would not do it…over….you know what I’m sayin’. I think that if we are datin’, let’s BOTH put that on a pedestal and work on building the foundation so that that pedestal isn’t so high up and out of reach.
@SauleWright,
*wavin’ hands, sayin’ “Hallelujah”
That’s all
@Sepia, **** runs around poolpit, during 100. ****
@SauleWright,
Good comment.
I love the disclaimer at the top…lol
@SauleWright,
“There is a undeniable connection beyond the physicality that comes with the Horizontal Polka and I may be amongst the minority of men when I say that if I had to do it over, I would not do it…over….you know what I’m sayin’”
this is really deep. I so wish other men got this. But maybe its not for them all to get. I personally believe that a woman is suppose to help a man direct some of these things, particularly when he might be driven by some of his own se@xual urges..which is natural. Its a woman’s job (and i’ve said this before) to help steer him and it to a higher ground.
@SauleWright,
i need to finish my waffles before i fully digest this comment. i’ll be back and sh*t
@SauleWright,
‘Maybe this is another reason that, like shackin’, certain things are for marriage.’
Marriage is not everyones’ projected or desired end goal. The above statement leaves alot of us poor individuals in releationship/chexual limbo.
‘There is a undeniable connection beyond the physicality that comes with the Horizontal Polka …’
Very interesting observation. The school of thought that’s circulating in the dating shpere would have us believe that a large majority of men can completely dissociate the act from the emotions. I never bought that. I call hogwash.
‘I think that if we are datin’, let’s BOTH put that on a pedestal and work on building the foundation so that that pedestal isn’t so high up and out of reach.’
Yeah, for mutual respect and consideration.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
“Marriage is not everyones’ projected or desired end goal. The above statement leaves alot of us poor individuals in releationship/chexual limbo.”
Agreed, but also while everyone may not want to be married in the biblical or societal context, some homeostatic sense of relational balance and commitment is the ultimate goal no?
Sometimes, I think women get so caught up in keeping the “P” away from the man we’re seeing at the moment, that we forget there is more to us than just the P. A woman already knows the guy she’s dating wants to smash, and if all she’s about is witholding her great P, then he can just go get it from someone else. Women should recognize that we are more than P, and proceed to show the man we have more to offer. He’s still gonna want to smash, but the P isn’t gonna make him remain interested in you; at least not for long….
I think we as women need to get over ourselves. We should definitely keep it on lock, and not just give it way all willy nilly, but we should not act like its the holy grail…b/c if it was, dude wouldn’t be able to get from anyone else….
Forgive the rambling. I haven’t been to Starbucks yet…I’ll be more coherent in about an hour…..
lol @ holy grail. have the brotha solving anagrams and cryptexes to get some.
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
” but we should not act like its the holy grail…b/c if it was, dude wouldn’t be able to get from anyone else….
”
I don’t know about this. I think the problem often is , is that we don’t think highly enough of our stuff. As with anything else there is always the lowest bidder, but those stories don’t have happy endings either.
Se!!xually accomodating women (outside of bonifide relationships) aren’t exactly winning all the male prizes either.
@Princess Duvet aka “The Princess Has Spoken”,
I agree that we should think highly of our vagi, but we should not think so highly of it that we begin to believe that we have nothing else to offer or that it is the best of us. Not even a good man would waste his time with a boring, lame-azz woman for an extended period of time if all she has to offer is the P, especially if he can hit up the club on Friday nights, and get broken off from the big booty girl in the spandex…if its all about the P….
Actually, I take that back, you shouldn’t think highly of your vagi, you should think highly of yourself as a woman and human being….
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
“but we should not think so highly of it that we begin to believe that we have nothing else to offer or that it is the best of us.”
im gonna beat this dead horse..because everybody’s getting on parts of Champie’s bandwagon and I don’t know of ANY WOMAN WHO ONLY THINKS SHE HAS HER VAYJAY TO BRING?? None. I do however believe that there are women who bring things (aside from her crotchedy sweetness) thats not a feather in her hat.
but honestly is this just male perception. Do any of us women actually know women who think all they have is their vag!ina. I think the problem is some women place a higher importance on insignificant things but usually her vag#ina isn’t the ONLY feather.
“Actually, I take that back, you shouldn’t think highly of your vagi, you should think highly of yourself as a woman and human being….”
and that would include EVERY SINGLE PART OF YOU…not excluding the se!xual organs either.
@Princess Duvet aka “The Princess Has Spoken”,
sadly, it’s not just all male perception. maybe the numbers are off and it isn’t as prevelant as some would like to think but it’s not nonexistent.
are these chicks my friends? women in my circle? no. but growing up, did i see the girls that thought they were worthless? didn’t know they had more to offer? thought that was the only way to get and keep someone? yes. have i had to talk to girls about their selfworth? expecting more for themselves and knowing they are better? that they are more? YES.
this can also probably be dependent on age but some of those girls grow up to be women with that mentality when they have no guide.
@SouthernGirl,
ok just checking. I’ve heard men say..”whats so special about her “p” in regards to him having to wait. i always thought it was more of an assertion and less of what was coming out of her mouth explicitly.
Since a man doesn’t think clearly pre-sex, is he really able to articulate the REAL REASONS he’s waiting..most women aren’t going to come out and flatly say “i want to hone our se!xual,emotional, phsyical chemistry so we can have the bomb a!ss se!x”. Isnt it possible that he’s just not dancing to the right song, in the courtship dance?
moreover as ive heard before, dont we WANT men like that to lose interest? if he couldn’t read signals, or didnt value what you wanted to build..doesn’t that mean that he’s possibly not right for you? That is also possible..isnt it?
@SouthernGirl,
but growing up, did i see the girls that thought they were worthless? didn’t know they had more to offer? thought that was the only way to get and keep someone? yes. have i had to talk to girls about their selfworth? expecting more for themselves and knowing they are better? that they are more? YES.
i would venture to say that girls who have no self worth and actually think there “p” is the only thing they have to offer don’t actually put their “p” on a pedestal. girls i know like this are happy to give up the draws on cue and turn their sugar walls into woman-thou-art-LOOSE walls.
@Gem Possible,
i see what you’re saying and it’s true for some but not all. i wouldn’t exactly call these girls putting it on a pedestal per se, or rather a version of the pedastal that all revolves around not feeling like they are worth more. there was one girl who was, like you say, ready to drop ‘em for anybody just cause she was loose. but some of them were misguided or following bad home examples- wanting to believe they were more and not wanting to go down that path but not really believing they had other options. maybe i’m taking this convo in a whole ‘nother direction so i’ll just leave it at that.
@Princess Duvet aka “The Princess Has Spoken”,
you’re definitely right, if he’s not on the page of what you are trying to build, he should most certainly be shown the door. i’m with you. he just might not be the one for you. all i was trying to get across is that those women-girls do exist. but i think the issue that i am speaking of runs parallel to but it not quite in the same vein of what we are discussing today as these girls are not pedastal holders who over think as much as lost girls who don’t think at all.
Good topic Champ…
I don’t have a problem with the “the to do or not to do” question as long as you don’t let the man know you are thinking the “to to do or not to do” question.
If you have to make pro and cons lists in your head, it’s not the time to get to know each other biblically.
For this precise reason, I don’t make visits to a man’s home or invite him into mine if I’m unsure about what’s about to go down. Sooner or later you and the man in question are going to up at midnight watching reruns of “Cheaters” and playing the “where can I touch you game” which leads to the “to do or not to do” back and forth. If you constantly repeat this game, he’s just going to stay around to get to the “do”…
@Datalore,
man, i love me some Cheaters! that guy that hosts is such an assbag…
@shatani,
They actually show Cheaters on Demand now…
I spent much of Sunday afternooon cracking up at this show…
I just love how Joey Greco phrases things…
@Datalore,
what? I’m all over that what channel? I’ve seen it on G4
@Datalore,
If you have to make pro and cons lists in your head, it’s not the time to get to know each other biblically.
interesting point. so you’re saying that a person needs to be 100 percent certain about their feelings before doing the do?
@The Champ,
You don’t have to be 100% about your feelings, but you do need to be 100% sure you are able to handle the consquences…
So just in case you end up in a “drive by” situation, all you are not crying “all men are dogs” and “I should have known”. You should be able to take full responsibility for your own actions.
No man tricks himself into a women’s drawers…she let him in…
@Datalore,
you do need to be 100% sure you are able to handle the consquences
Let all that are gathered say ‘Amen!’
@Datalore,
“No man tricks himself into a women’s drawers…she let him in…”
GENIUS!!!!!
::::Wipes tears from eyes::::
Good post and lmao at Ange for using the word trim… that is now in my vocabulary. Back to my comment… I think that women should definitely be cautious, discriminating, and discerning about who they give it up to… and why they are doing it. to a man this may seem like she is putting the p on a pedestal… but she should. I don’t think that women should do this because of the notion that the longer a man waits the more likely he is to marry her… I think that if a man is really into a woman that will be clear long before wedding bells are even in question.
@pgh muse,
“…and why they are doing it”
this is it right here. don’t do it (or not do it) just for the sake of doing (or not doing) it. n*ggas need more reasons and sh*t
“making themselves easier than southern math”
*chuckling*
I don’t even know how to address this post yet, I’m tired, and I haven’t had my coffee yet…lol
Goes back to listening to “June 27th”.
@miss t-lee,
Goes back to listening to “June 27th”.
who?
@The Champ,
It’s not a who, it’s a song…lol
The Texas folks now what I’m talmbout.
Here ya go…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8s2C76pdon8
@miss t-lee,
Goes back to listening to “June 27th”.
That statement makes me want to put down my triflin ways and get on bended knee for you, girl…
::::In my smooth, southern drawl::::
Lets get married and sh!t!!!
@Marty McFly,
Awww!!! My first e-proposal!
I’m so upset I haven’t been online in 2 days and missed this.
I’ve actually had to counsel a few lady friends on this “to do or not to do”, which means he prolly already knows he has a chance “to do” and it’s just a matter of time before “she does”. If you spend that much time debating it, “Just Do It” (shout out to Nike). Otherwise, you’ll just end up sending mixed signals for a few weeks and he’ll either get bored, get frustrated, or beat and bounce
and come back for a few follow up beats if the walls are worthy.@Slim Jackson,
*dry heaving & making a stink face at SLIM*
“if the walls are worthy”
…that was a scratch and sniff comment!
@GOODENess,
Yeah yeah yeah.lol. Can’t win em all.
I do smell good though. Don’t gotta scratch the kid though.
@Slim Jackson,
see, i woulda thought, if she’s spending so much time debating it, then DONT do it (sorry nike!)…gettin all squishy with someone that you are genuinely interested in shouldnt be that big a decision. if it is, then that means you are either not that into him OR some spidey sense is tingling and youre trying to ignore it…
@shatani,
‘…if she’s spending so much time debating it, then DONT do it (sorry nike!)…’
Yeah, that would be my reaction. If you think the snake in the yard is poisonous, then for the love of Pete don’t put your face closer to get a better view or stick out your hand and try and pet it, just get the eff out of there.
@Slim Jackson,
GENIUS!!!!!
Morning Champ
So, besides the fact that I fell in love with you for the third time on the basis of this genius level post, I’m somewhat in agreement with you? While I pride myself in being a striving- to- be -what- He- wants- me- to- be kinda Christian, I’m not a virgin and I know that things are just easier when you’re open and honest.
Women have urges! Maybe more than men (well, I’m speaking for someone I know personally)… So, for a woman to play the waiting game based solely upon whether she thinks this will change the way a man feels about her… I feel some kinda way about that!!!
If you know a person or feel comfortable enough to be around him after hours says something about him as a person. Don’t share your space with someone you wouldn’t feel comfortable being “open” with.
A long time ago my mom told me (and this scared me straight) “Don’t have secks with a man you can’t see yourself raising children with (or requesting ch-sup from !)”
Okay, one more thing, Sepia is from the South (well, Miami, FL) and I’ve taught math there as well, so the southern math comment was the much needed hilarity on a day when Eve-induced pain has me bedridden…
Thanks Champ…
@Sepia,
“A long time ago my mom told me (and this scared me straight) “Don’t have secks with a man you can’t see yourself raising children with (or requesting ch-sup from !)”
My grandma told me a similar comment, “watch down who ya lay down with and who ya get ya chirren by…”
@miss t-lee,
Let me correct myself…lol
“watch who ya lay down with and who ya get ya chirren by.”
@Sepia,
no problem and sh*t. and thanks, btw, for falling in love with me.
@The Champ,
“thanks, btw, for falling in love with me.”
If someone was to say this in REAL life in response to their boo saying “I’m in love with you” for the first time, a kick to the gonads may be in order.
@Luvvie,
“thanks, btw, for falling in love with me.”
Dang it! I’m such a sap. I awed and shucked when I saw the comment. This is the type of syruppy drip that I utter, and utter often.
Don’t judge, heffeir. Lol
“To do or not to do, that is the question”…but it really shouldn’t be the question, and that thought should not have permanent residence in our mental space. Instead, how about we just date, get to know each other, check out College Game Day on Saturdays and Monday Night Football at the sports bar, check out Phylicia in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, basically spend quality time together, and let things naturally and organically progress towards secs. If you are really dating someone, you will know when to do the do when you do it…when you are comfortable enough with him and allowing him in your mental, emotional physical space.
I think sometimes us women folk (lol) tend to overthink things in regards to sex and relationships. We need to learn to just enjoy the getting to know him, getting to know all about him process, and let things naturally progress. In that natural progression, you’re either gonna fall in love (or really like) this man, or realize
he’s trollyou’re just not that in to him, and keep it moving….@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
I think sometimes us women folk (lol) tend to overthink things in regards to sex and relationships. We need to learn to just enjoy the getting to know him, getting to know all about him process, and let things naturally progress. In that natural progression, you’re either gonna fall in love (or really like) this man, or realize he’s troll you’re just not that in to him, and keep it moving….
I agree…SO MUCH on this right here…but you know what! even when you go with the flow, like for real on some honest intimate effort type ish…there is still a chance that you will fall in like and he isn’t a troll…possibly a prince…but you STILL ending up “keeping it moving” on some “damn I should haev known better” type dookie…now ain’t that about a bych???
(sorry, obviously I got some ish I need to work out)
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
Get to know each other, check out College Game Day on Saturdays and Monday Night Football at the sports bar, check out Phylicia in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, basically spend quality time together, and let things naturally and organically progress towards secs.
I believe this is the most underrated part of dating. I don’t know why, how, and when chex became such a central part of relationships (to do or not, when or not, why or not), but it really helped undermine the whole value/process of the dating lifecycle.
@ Champ
I don’t understand clearly. Are you saying that pedestaling = waiting (debating whether or not to) to have sex with a potential partner?
I always thought that “pedestaling” was when a woman turned her nose up at every guy out there based on her belief that her goods were essentially ‘out of their price range’.
That type of woman has a completely different attitude than a woman who simply treasures herself enough to be discerning when it comes to partners.
On one hand you talk about men using women for sex and then tell us not to think about it so much. I don’t get it.
Are you really trying to help us, Champ?
@Ms. Hall,
right…I think we got off topic in here somewhere…lol
@GOODENess,
“right…I think we got off topic in here somewhere…lol”
The day VSBers stay on topic fully through the comments is the day that Champ’s head will be deemed regular sized. It just aint gon happen
@Luvvie,
lmao!
@Luvvie,
thank you. i just choked on my ice water.
@Ms. Hall,
I’m not sure if I get it either. I don’t think that a lot of men realize that many women become emotionally attached to a certain degree after s3x. It’s not always intentional, but that’s how our brains are wired. And men don’t seem to understand (or maybe don’t CARE to understand) that women who have good intentions get hurt when they realize they were used for sex. I don’t know too many women who do this whole pedestal thing. It may appear that some women are putting themselves on a pedestal, but in actuality they are protecting themselves from emotional pain.
So Champ, what approach do you think a woman should take if she shouldn’t take the pedestal approach? And could you provide a little more detail as to how a woman acts as if s3x is all she has to offer? Because in my opinion, a woman who prefers to wait to have s3x is trying to show you the exact opposite, that she has a lot more to offer.
@Voiceofreason,
It may appear that some women are putting themselves on a pedestal, but in actuality they are protecting themselves from emotional pain.
I agree with this and I think because men can seperate s3x from their emotions and feelings, they don’t understand this concept. Women don’t compartmentalize and if she is willing to have s3x with you then it means she is actually giving a piece of her heart.
a woman who prefers to wait to have s3x is trying to show you the exact opposite, that she has a lot more to offer.
I agree but not completely. Some women don’t give it up but at the same time don’t offer other options. I mean dinner and movie is played after so many times of doing it. Few women suggest alternatives and as a result, since men can lack creativity sometimes, they do what feels natural to do next…
@Poison Ivy St.,
Some women don’t give it up but at the same time don’t offer other options. I mean dinner and movie is played after so many times of doing it. Few women suggest alternatives and as a result, since men can lack creativity sometimes, they do what feels natural to do next…
This is true. If a woman has more to offer than s3x she has to have an effective, or better yet inherent way of showing it.
@Voiceofreason,
This is true. If a woman has more to offer than s3x she has to have an effective, or better yet inherent way of showing it.
this all goes back to the v test:
http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/the-v-test/
@Voiceofreason,
So Champ, what approach do you think a woman should take if she shouldn’t take the pedestal approach?
as you can probably tell, both p and i aren’t very fond of things done just for the sake of doing them. i’m not going to sit here and tell women exactly how they should act in regards to relationships/dating (because i dont have that expertise), but i will say that doing sh*t just for the sake of it is exactly the wrong way to approach things. yes, you should treasure yourself and your body, but don’t make it seem like its the only thing you have to offer, the only thing you think is worth “winning”.
@Ms. Hall,
“I don’t understand clearly. Are you saying that pedestaling = waiting (debating whether or not to) to have sex with a potential partner?
I always thought that “pedestaling” was when a woman turned her nose up at every guy out there based on her belief that her goods were essentially ‘out of their price range’. ”
in this context, “pedestaling” basically describes what happens when a woman makes the “to bone, or not to bone” question the sole focal point of her romantic arrangements. so much time is spent debating that question and second-guessing themselves that nothing else is able to grow from the relationship.
lol, i am trying to help you all. theres no ulterior motives here. i just want people to have better relationships, and, in this sense, pedestaling is ultimately self-defeating.
@Ms. Hall, I tend to think this is the way too many women with moderate sucess tend ot act and worst they dont believe in building together if you not “on top” when she meets you-well you shit outta luck
“finally, after six and a half torturous days months playing the pedestal game, they have aggressively mediocre sex. ”
This made me think of 3 things…
1.Eddie Murphy Raw
They like it just as much as us,
but they play these games.
Know where it backfires
on you, ladies?
When you go meet a guy,
he wants you, you want him,
you like each other,
everything is perfect,
but you won’t do anything.
He say, “Let’s go.”
You say, “No, I’m not gonna do it.”
And after that,
he don’t like you no more.
But he still wants to fuch you.
So he waits.
He be like, “Okay, I’ll wait.
“Goodnight.”
And you wait.
You wait three months.
Then you finally get it
and she’s like this, “I’m yours.”
And you go, “Fuch you, bytch!”
“Fuch you and your EXPLITIVE.
Get the fuch out of my face.”
2. My dad telling me that no guy is gonna sit around waiting on me for 6 months while I figure out if I’m gonna sleep with him or not without sleeping with another girl. (This was after he heard my mother tell a 17-year old VOR I should date six months before chex.)
3. What is aggressively mediocre chex?
@Voiceofreason,
I love you for quoting Raw. Really, I do.
You can’t make me laugh that hard. I’m not wearing waterproof mascara today
@Voiceofreason,
was this from raw or delirious?
@The Champ,
Raw
@The Champ,
Didn’t I say above that it was from RAW??
*grumbles*
get some more muhfuggin muffins and pay attention. LOL
I have too much personal experience with this. VSB needs to do a post on dudes that cater to #1. One of the reasons the game is so f’ed up now is because of dudes Speculating on the p. I remember when I asked one woman if I didnt want chex from her what else could she hold against me and she had no answer. Some women really think they have a stimulus package b/w their legs.
As far as #2 these women amaze me. Too many women brag and act as if they have sugar walls and they really have salt walls. I have noticed that these are sometimes the women that think that since their @ss is big , have a body, etc. that they don’t have to do any work. The fact that they opened up their legs should be enough.
@Humble_One,
You said salt walls! LMAO!
I think a major problem is that because of the images the media puts out there, women who don’t know any better really think that being attractive is enough.
@Humble_One,
I remember when I asked one woman if I didnt want chex from her what else could she hold against me and she had no answer. Some women really think they have a stimulus package b/w their legs.
***nodding head***
@The Champ,
Well…ISN’T it a stimulus package? All of the same adjectives apply: lift, boost, drive, stimulate, help, relief…
@Ms Hall,
**edit: …same verbs apply:**
@Humble_One,
have too much personal experience with this. VSB needs to do a post on dudes that cater to #1. One of the reasons the game is so f’ed up now is because of dudes Speculating on the p. I remember when I asked one woman if I didnt want chex from her what else could she hold against me and she had no answer. Some women really think they have a stimulus package b/w their legs.
I wonder if it stems from low self esteem from both parties. The girls don’t think they have anything to offer that they’ve actually cultivated (looks and the J don’t count. You’re born with, they maybe enhanced but only to a point): any interests, hobbies, points of view on anything, a dang personality, which I guess can be pretty demoralizing. This then leads the girls to place way toooo much worth on their physical appearance, the material crap they’ve accumulated and the J. I honestly feel some sympathy for them. I’d cry, if I believed that all I had to offer the world were those things that I couldn’t control.
The guys could view wearing these chicks down and getting the goods, as some sort of validation. They were man enough to score with a 10, 6.5 or whatever.
First off, Champ, props for trying to get that Vitamin Water endorsement. I heard there’s beaucoup dough in that. Fiddy is obviously making most of his money from them.
Okay, so as a Tina Tightstuff (I first heard that from Slim at 3Ways…and it stuck), it’s inevitable that the relationship will be all about sex. But, it won’t be my doing. I’m a “live in the now” type of sista so I won’t be obsessing over the “to bone or not to bone” (that is the) question as much as the boo (why am I using this word, I used to hate it so much when it was a song) would. I’m not the type to hang the P-Power over the man’s head or act is if I’m some sort of martyr for keeping it tight. I have a pretty open-minded view on sex in general, and I simply decided to keep the hymen intact for a simple reason: the first man I’m gonna bone is the man whom I love. That’s it. Point blank and period. And I’m looking forward to finding him (or him finding me). And no, I’m not necessarily waiting on marriage, either.
I’ve never been in what one would call a “serious” relationship, but I’d like to think that I’d be able to handle this particular subject well. We’ll see…
@Cheekie,
I’ve never been in what one would call a “serious” relationship, but I’d like to think that I’d be able to handle this particular subject well. We’ll see…
keep us posted and sh*t
@The Champ,
Mmmhmm, I will. Especially if any of your posts happen to correlate with what I’d be going through then.
Of course the day I decide to drop in here Humster has to kill me with this:
As far as #2 these women amaze me. Too many women brag and act as if they have sugar walls and they really have salt walls. I have noticed that these are sometimes the women that think that since their @ss is big , have a body, etc. that they don’t have to do any work. The fact that they opened up their legs should be enough.
LOL! It is my understanding that if you have to brag or indicate how good your chex is…it’s usually NOT the business.
Men are so funny, because they will have you thinking it don’t matter when you give up the cookies…when in all actuality men love a woman with standards. These are the type of women they have longevity with. I know there are exceptions…but not that many.
So what if a woman wants to wait. Respect her deiciosn or keep it moving. There are plenty women out here who are willing to give it up to someone for a bandaid and some staples…so if all you want is chex…get with them. Men know when a woman is looking for a relationship…so if you are not…then do her a favor and leave her alone.
@Jada,
A bandaid and some staples???? LMAO! My stomach is already aching from attempting to do pilates yesterday and you made it worse!
@Jada,
“LOL! It is my understanding that if you have to brag or indicate how good your chex is…it’s usually NOT the business.”
Yep.
Your goodies should speak for themselves. They don’t need a hypeman.
@miss t-lee,
“Your goodies should speak for themselves. They don’t need a hypeman.”
i would say i hate you for this but that is a strong word. i SEVERELY dislike you for this. i just spit tea all over myself for this visual this statement gave me.
i am DONE with you.
@SouthernGirl,
*CTFU* (You don’t know how bad a laugh I needed today!)
Sorry about your tea.
Please except my apologies.
*walks off sniggling*
@miss t-lee,
its troubling how when you mentioned a hypeman, my mind immediately went to puffy.
i dont know why that is.
@miss t-lee,
Yeah, T – this had me laughing REAL loud in my cube. Why am I envisioning Flava Flav on the stage, “Yeeeaaah Booooiiii! This is the tightest, rightest, top flightest puddy eva! You gone love dis, son! We da beeeesst!”
oh Lawd!!!
@Lil’T,
I made myself chuckle a bit when I typed it…lol
@Lil’T,
HA!! that just momentarily pulled me out of my deadline depression….
“we da best!”
@miss t-lee,
ijustDIED @ “they dont need a hypeman”. The visual of a vajajay’s hypeman just killt me. Thanks, Miss T-lee.
@Luvvie,
*sniggling*
@Jada,
“There are plenty women out here who are willing to give it up to someone for a bandaid and some staples…”
my personal favorite is a cookie and a stamp..can you bring that back LOL…
@Princess Duvet aka “The Princess Has Spoken”,
LOL…oh yeah! An oatmeal cookie and a stamp. You know these women be wiling out here!
@Princess Duvet aka “The Princess Has Spoken”,
how about a coke and a smile?
@Jada,
welcome and sh*t
@Jada, no one says a woman shouldn wait however most men have had a woman who made us wait-we moved on she got mad when we ask was you making me for summin real or just for right now-they always answer that it wasnt that deep-so whats with the hesitation-you made your choice and I made mine, it funny how this went the other ways teens
Oh, this is too funny. Kudos on the topic, C-Diddy.
I would say to my men friends – don’t rag on the ladies for holding back and puttin’ the puddy on a pedastal. There’s a good reason why a lot of women hold back on the goods:
For YOUR protection.
Think about it: You men claim that we women are crazy. We may deny this, but deep down we know there’s an element of truth to it (gotta love chick logic). And we also know that the EASIEST way to tempt “Kitkatkrazy Kisha” from her lair is to play with our emotions. Playin’ wit da puddy (or her money) is playing with her emotions, period. Chexual standing is the difference between her deleting you from her Fave 5 and her busting your windshield with a hastily organized drop squad (not the one that usually gets me for DivaDust thievery – they have matcing bomber jackets and sh*t, lol).
Case in point
Scenario 1: Cindy Sue meets Manny Man. Manny Man is very attractive to Cindy, but he’s unemployed and still lives with his mamma. Cindy decides that, while he has no bf potential, he has plenty of “blow your back out” potential. So Cindy doesn’t really make him wait, cuz SHE don’t want to wait, and to her that’s all he’s good for.
Scenario 2: Cindy Sue meets Manofer Dreams. She can see herself married with his kids, so she doesn’t want to scare him. She seeks the advice of her friends/family/Korean nail tech, who all tell her that givin’ up the goods is the easiest way to chase the brotha off. So she waits, and worries, and waits some more. But without a doubt, she knows that if she has chex she will only feel more smitten with Mr. Dreams, and he may feel less so. Considering how strongly she feels about him (or the potential of him), post-coital rejection could really hurt her (or him) and cause her to lose her dayum mind. So she holds out. She’ll still be good and crazy after he hits the skins, but at least she can say she tried, lol.
@Lil’T,
Thank you for shouting out the DD DROP SQUAD.
They tell me you are their favorite bootlegger to catch up with… good times are had by all (I assume).
@blackberry molasses,
*snicker*
@blackberry molasses,
These days the only visits I get from the DDDS are to drop off my *paid for* shipment of sprinkles and dust! Then we have cocktails.
Stop side-eyein’ me! I swear, this time I’m legit!
@Lil’T,
We were just finishing up the vetting process…
Welcome to the Team. Here is your monogrammed Diva Dust ™ bag, glitter gloves and the keys to your company convertible.
@Lil’T,
I would say to my men friends – don’t rag on the ladies for holding back and puttin’ the puddy on a pedastal. There’s a good reason why a lot of women hold back on the goods:
For YOUR protection.
hmmm. i never thought about it this way. interesting point and sh*t
@Lil’T
“There’s a good reason why a lot of women hold back on the goods:
For YOUR protection. ”
Great points. Cause as many women say, they get emotionally attached after sex. And when they say emotionally attached, they really mean crazy as phuck.
I don’t really have much of substance to add to this convo, cept to say that I’ve played both positions (pedestaler and… well NON-pedestaler) and I absolutely prefer being a pedestaler.
There is a reason we have all been given Spritual Discernment (regardless of your philosophical, faith or religous based underpinnings.) We are spiritual beings and s3x is a spiritual act– regardless of how non-chalant or cavalier we want to be about it.
Women in particular– because of our innate cyclical connection connection to the Cosmos– are more keenly aware of this fact, even if we are unable to fully verbalize it.
Therefore, if you are going to engage in a Body-Bond with someone, you are chosing to share the most initmate part of your physical and spiritual being with them. Wouldn’t you like to know that they AT LEAST care about you on a level deeper than ” She sure can duck a sick” ?
This sprit here is luminous and if you want bathe in the light then be WORTHY.
(I’m not even going to get into the other physical risks that come along with not being careful with who you let hang on your playground. I’ve beat that dead horse more than enough times.)
BTW….. but this video here is a PSA for everyone in these TET’s (c) Hostess.
http://www.vimeo.com/3261363
I once was blind…. now I’m just PI%%ED OFF.
@blackberry molasses,
“There is a reason we have all been given Spritual Discernment (regardless of your philosophical, faith or religous based underpinnings.) We are spiritual beings and s3x is a spiritual act– regardless of how non-chalant or cavalier we want to be about it.
Women in particular– because of our innate cyclical connection connection to the Cosmos– are more keenly aware of this fact, even if we are unable to fully verbalize it. ”
totally agree. i would get into perpetual spiritual se!xual bonds people build and never break..but that might be going much too deep here.
@Princess Duvet aka “The Princess Has Spoken”,
“and never{SPIRITUALLY} break..”
@Princess Duvet aka “The Princess Has Spoken”,
I truely agree. This is like whearing a spiritual dirty diaper and asking someone else to make love to you… iew.
No really expound please. Only reason it’s too deep because people don’t talk about it enough. People holding back what they got to say is why the stupid are a majority (that and apathetic disinterest or not hearing) and not the minority. Go on Princess kill the stupid.
@blackberry molasses,
Am i the only one who likes the word “underpinnings” because it sounds prudish and perverted at the same time?
Anyone? No?
*Lil’ T retreats back to the ig corner with her latest Victorian era novel*
@Lil’T,
Am i the only one who likes the word “underpinnings” because it sounds prudish and perverted at the same time?
yup.
First off – the freakin hospital gig blocked the blog. They have the suckage. But this gig didnt block the blog, nor will they since we have no IT peoples here.
Second off – My p is the supreme ruler p of all other p’s and all other p’s pale in comparison.
and i never have aggressively mediocre coitus. ever.
but i dont put the p on a pedestal, and i never question when to bone or not when to bone … i bone when I dang well feel like boning.
@Cheryl,
LMAO @ this entire comment. Cheryl, you rock.
@Cheryl,
this post was like an oasis in the dessert! lol
This goes back to:
Do what feels right for YOU* and know why YOU* are doing it.
The rest is just fodder for conversation, and particularly regal personal experiences.
The End.
(*) yes, YOU!
@Sula is Swamped,
Me? lol!
@Lil’T,
i think she means me…
@Sula is Swamped,
Yeah, pretty much. Condensed version of the entire post, and subsequent replies.
The men who want to get to know me sexually, first have to get to know me mentally. I find that those men who are truely interested in me, for me, and not my p, stay around longer.
@Silent Scorpion,
The men who want to get to know me sexually, first have to get to know me mentally
what if they just go on facebook and get the cliffnotes version?
@The Champ,
what if they just go on facebook and get the cliffnotes version?
Hahahaha, Damn Foo. Forkojembe reasoning, as my mum would say.
There are plenty of reasons why p*ssy can’t be placed on a pedestal except for thirsty arsed simps:
1. Every woman has one and there is no shortage
2. The market is flooded, supply is now surplus while demand holds steady.
3. You’re asking for headache making the P something it isn’t…
4. Too many dudes are allowing their Simping to gas up women who aren’t remotely attractive only because they have the P…
In other words: Gentlemen…stop dat ish.
@CPT Callamity,
***filed under “vsb.com comments that could have also easily come from bgol”***
i’ve been thinking about Champ’s #1 the trophy reason how pedestaling the “p” can negatively affect a relationship. and honestly i do not believe any woman who thinks her “p” is the only thing she has to offer (or is worth offering) can actually pedestal her “p”. i’ve never seen it happen and it doesn’t even make sense. if a woman’s “p” is the only thing she has to offer, i highly doubt she is pondering the “to bone or not to bone?” question. her inquiring mind is likely mulling over “to spit or to swallow?”.
that being said, i think there are women who believer their “p” is the only “p” worth having and their walls are indeed sugary with a filling so sweet it’s good enough to eat (shout out to the band formerly known as Danity Kane). she also likely believes her sh*t smells like roses. and these type of chicks know that vadges are a dime a dozen but believes there is something special about hers that warrants her to place her “p” high on a pedestal for her suitors to work hard to get. and in this sense, pedestaling the “p” becomes a power/ego trip and nothing more.
oh, and when i read “day 9-day 42: rise and repeat until dry (pun intended)” in Champ’s post i immediately thought of this take on puns– http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=puns
@Gem Possible,
I think that these women who are pedistal posers are projecting the feelings that they get from sehx onto any and all who giver her fuhck face. That’s just all there is to it. Women tend to think that since it happens to me just like this that it happens to everybody just like this. & that’s not always the case. YOU CAN’T PIGEON HOLE EVERYONE!
OMG. I usually just lurk about and don’t comment but Champ you just wrote the story of my life in today’s blog entry. I felt guilty like a hooker in church on revival Sunday when the paster says “REPENT!” I’ve been told so many times that I put my p**** on a pedestal by friends/guys. All the guys I have dated so far have only wanted to smash and if they don’t within 1-2 months they lose interest quickly. I don’t feel I lack substance at all. In fact I have plenty interests and hobbies that makes me stand out from a normal crowd. I have an Ivy League education, I am heading fast for med school, and I have just started modeling part time. However, the fact that I am a 24-year-old relationship-inexperienced virgin who has never had a boyfriend seems to take the forefront of all the my dating interactions. It’s as if they only see me as “virgin” and nothing else. How can I change, so I could be seen as more?
I’m sorry. I can’t have sex with someone I’m not sexually attracted to.
With that being said, I tend to meet my needs with FWB’s until I find a worthy boyfriend candidate, leaving me satisfied to the point when I’m on dates I’m not desperate to get laid, nor am I feeling like its all I have to offer.
I am a firm advocate of the FWB. Makes life that much easier.