pants on fire: 7 things we (men) like much more than you think we do…even though we’ll never admit it
as you’re all very aware of, the very smart brothas of verysmartbrothas.com (as well as liz’s boobs) are committed to fighting crime by utilizing means such as communication enhancement, relationship metacognition, intensive hoodrat reeducation and ho saving to achieve our goals.
subsequently, you’re all probably unaware of the fact that panama and i risk our lives to provide this service, because divulging the type of information we do greatly upsets many people, especially those with neck tats and vowel-less last names
as another example of how committed we are to do and say things you won’t find anywhere else, heres seven things we (men) like much more than you think we do…even though we’ll never, ever publicly admit it
although most (straight) men don’t have bossip bookmarked and probably won’t spend an afternoon in a gmail group chat with our homeboys about why we’re hurt that d-money didn’t tell us about his new jamaican jump-off, we’re just as prone to the gossip bug as the typical woman is.
don’t believe me? well, go to any barbershop and listen in while we discuss the “real reason” why jay-z and dame dash don’t get along anymore or which downtown footlocker chick looks like she gives the best head. still not convinced? take a trip over to espn.com and read the endless thousand comment threads devoted to t.o.’s toenails and lebron and shaq’s first chest bump as teammates
2. romantic comedies
as long as dane cook isnt in it.
plus, to paraphrase bill simmons, what other concrete proof do we have that women are completely insane?
influenced by plummeting marriage rates and oprah’s hips, society has been quick to brand the contemporary man as a largely commitment-phobic monolith too obsessed with himself and his numbers to bother being tied down. we’ve played along with this line of thinking, mainly because no game guarantees guilt free panties better than “i really, really like you, but i’m scared of commitment. i really dont want to get hurt or hurt you”
the thing is, most men aren’t scared of commitment, and we actually welcome it. we’re just scared to death of committing to the wrong person.
whether its shoes, cars, stereo equipment, gas grills, or p*ssy, we like new sh*t just as much as everyone else, and we don’t mind making a trip to a place to purchase what we want. its just that we loathe the concept of shopping as a group and/or all-day activity, which is a diplomatic way of saying “we hate shopping with women”
5. cuddling and sh*t
we all love the cuddle. it keeps us warm, reminds us of how good you smell, and helps us honor our sandbox tenet to do what we can to get as many cheap feels per day as possible.
6. the idea of chivarly
while there are a few bitter ass bastards who’ll bitch about paying for drinks and opening doors and sleeping in the wet spot, the vast majority of men actually enjoy doing gentlemanly sh*t for women, and relish the opportunity to do so. all we ask is that its acknowledged in some form, and depending on the circumstance, a smile, a slight hip shake, or a wake-up bj will do
7. your house clothes
we just dont actually tell you this because we never, ever, ever want you to feel comfortable rocking your sweatpants & birkenstocks past a 14 inch radius of your apartment.
thats it for now. people of vsb.com, did i miss anything? also, ladies, sharing is caring. what sh*t do you secretly like that you have us all fooled about? i have my suspicions (p*rn, being “saved”, 50 cent, etc) but i wanna hear from the source. remember, its all about fighting crime.