Pancakes Vs Waffles Vs French Toast: Who Wins? » VSB

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Pancakes Vs Waffles Vs French Toast: Who Wins?

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Pancakes, Waffles, and French Toast are basically the Beyonce of breakfast foods. Sure, the meats definitely matter. And, in the right environment, can be the featured food. Basically, “bacon” = “Kelly Rowland.” The starches matter too, just because you need balance and something to place all the blame on if shit goes wrong. And yes, Michelle Williams was Destiny Child’s starch. But if a pancake a waffle or a piece of french toast happens to make it on someone’s plate, it immediately becomes the star attraction. Regardless of how deserving the chicken apple sausage has been or how nice the hash brown’s lacefront finally looks.

That said, if a pancake a waffle and a piece of french toast were forced to battle to the death, who’d be victorious? Which one is the best? Who is the Serena of sweetbreads? The Lebron of shit you put syrup on? Let’s see.

A Case for Pancakes

—Is the most filling. There’s a reason you have all you can eat pancake breakfasts and not all you can eat french toast breakfasts. Although eating a bunch of french toast in one setting would actually be cool, you’d enter that restaurant a Delta and leave a diabetic.

—All things considered, the best pancake in the world is going to taste better than the best waffle. Waffle enthusiasts know this, which is why you’ll find them putting everything from ice cream to whale steak on them.

—If Jesus went to a restaurant, and pancakes, french toast, and waffles were on the menu, Jesus would probably pick the pancakes. This matters.

—Has the best restaurant named after them (IHOP). Although the food at Waffle House is slightly better, your chances of getting murdered at a Waffle House are exponentially greater.

—Is the most fun to pronounce in the bedroom. And makes the most sense. “I’ll pancake dat ass, girl.” sounds much better than “I’ll french toast dat ass, girl.”

—I had a pulled pork and bourbon pancake at Blogalicious in 2011. It was, and still remains, the best thing that ever happened to me.

A Case for French Toast

—A great piece of french toast will defeat both a great waffle and a great pancake. In fact, great french toast is so great that syrup isn’t just unnecessary, it’s counterproductive.

—Because french toast is French, is the only breakfast food where it’s appropriate to wear a beret while eating it.

—Is so good that some creative genius years ago decided to invent french toast sticks. Waffles tried with waffle sticks, but they’re terrible. They look like outlet strips. I hate waffle sticks. And, if someone tried to serve me a pancake stick I’d smack them in the face with it. It wouldn’t hurt, though. Because it’s a gotdamn pancake stick. But it would be embarrassing. Because who wants to admit they were smacked in the face with a pancake stick?

—Feels fancier than both the workmanlike pancake and the millennial waffle. A french toast breakfast would impress your parents. The only person impressed by a pancake breakfast is a fuck buddy.

A Case for Waffles

—Easily the easiest to make and the hardest to mess up. There’s a reason why there’s a wafflemaker in every college cafeteria. Because if you fuck up a waffle, you probably don’t belong in school.

—Is the most versatile. Can be eaten with fruit, ice cream, whipped cream — basically, you can add literally anything sweet to a waffle and it will work. You will die at 42, but it will work.

—The frozen waffle is a no contest winner over frozen pancakes. Frozen pancakes taste like the end slice of a loaf of bread. Honestly, I believe that’s all frozen pancakes are. Someone rounded up all the end slices and decided to call them “Frozen Pancakes” and sell them to our dumb asses.

Anyway, all things considered, the frozen waffle might actually be the best frozen food.

—“Chicken and waffles served together” ranks only behind “the internet” and “Nia Long” on the list of the most important inventions of the last half of the 20th century.

—You can make a sandwich with two waffles and not feel like Fat Bastard from Austin Powers. You will be a gluttonous motherfucker, but you won’t feel like it. You cannot do this with a pancake or french toast. Lemme put it this way: If anyone ever made a biopic on your life, every moment eating a pancake or french toast sandwich would be edited out. You’d allow them to include the waffle sandwich moments, though.

All things considered, I have to go with the pancake. Because they’re just a bit more well-rounded than both the waffle and french toast. There’s a reason they have their own aisle in the supermarket. You show me a supermarket with a waffle aisle, and I’m walking out. And then setting the store on fire.

Plus, Prince makes pancakes.

prince

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • YeaSoh

    French Toast duh!

  • miss t-lee

    “—“Chicken and waffles served together” ranks only behind “the internet” and “Nia Long” on the list of the most important inventions of the last half of the 20th century.”

    Dayum straight.

    Team Waffles, 25/8.

    Although,I had bacon pancakes for the first time last year and I almost thought about switching teams for like 34 whole seconds.

    • Bushido Brown

      Bacon pancakes! I don’t think I ever heard of that it sounds interesting tho

      • miss t-lee

        They were so good, bacon crumbles were in the batter.
        Chile…made you almost catch the holy ghost.

        • SuperStrings

          I’ve never had it, but I’ve heard of it because of this cartoon. My kids showed it to me. FYI it will be stuck in your head all day. https://youtu.be/cUYSGojUuAU

          • I used to watch the 11min version like 4 times a day.

            • SuperStrings

              That’s dedication

            • Agatha Guilluame

              You’re all children.

              • Cartoons today have the most progressive and multilayer characterization ,storytelling, and discussion of ideas. Steven Universe is the best show on television.

                • SuperStrings

                  This is actually true

                • Agatha Guilluame

                  Do you see SS agreeing with you below…he has kids tho, he doesn’t know up from down anymore…probably doesn’t even have an HBO subscription…what’s your excuse Malik

                  • SuperStrings

                    Some truth to this. I haven’t had cable since 2009. Watch Avatar though.

                • nillalatte

                  OMG… Steven Universe. smh… this and Adventure Time (I think) stays in the record mode. My son loves this show.

          • Medium Meech

            All these breakfast are cool and all, and I’m a let champ finish but a girl that can make a sandwich like this gets the ‘cihp
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVImfBMvXzE

            • Lol @ boiling steak in a plastic bag.

            • Agatha Guilluame

              Lobster soul tho…LOL

              • Medium Meech

                Yo, I hype about lobster when he started boiling it, soon after I realized my own limitations. That’s the type of innovation that separates the cooks from chefs. Praise Xenu

          • miss t-lee

            hahahha.
            I’ve never seen this.

          • CrankUpThe_AC

            lmao

    • uNk

      nah….

    • Damon Young

      “Although,I had bacon pancakes for the first time last year and I almost thought about switching teams for like 34 whole seconds.”

      tmi

      • miss t-lee

        CTFU

  • Cinnamon pancakes are better than over waffle or french toast I’ve ever had. And texture wise, something extremely important for whatever is going in your mouth, pancakes reign supreme.

  • SweetReserved

    Greatest thing every – 49’ers flap jacks ie. french toast pancakes. Discovered this at the Original House of Pancakes and its the only thing I ever eat there. I can’t move past them lol

    • miss t-lee

      Original Pancake House is the spot!

      • SweetReserved

        Yes! I save IHOP for late nights and broke days

        • miss t-lee

          Last time I was at IHOP I was highly disappointed, they’ve been off the list.

          • TeeChantel

            IHOP isn’t the same anymore. They totally fell off these last few years. I don’t know what happened. They’re like the Applebees of breakfast food.

            • miss t-lee

              “They’re like the Applebees of breakfast food.”

              This is so accurate.

              • mochazina

                very, but i still love them

            • SuperStrings

              Not even sure how Applebees stays in business

              • miss t-lee

                Late night happy hour and half price apps.

                • TeeChantel

                  Bsaically. Friday’s is blowing them out the water though. You can’t beat $10 endless apps.

                  • miss t-lee

                    I’m not a fan of Friday’s. I’ve been like 4 or 5 times, and I’m like meh.

                    • TeeChantel

                      I luv me some Friday’s. I haven’t been in a while though. The Friday’s location really makes it a hit or miss.

                    • miss t-lee

                      Maybe that’s what it is, because everyone I’ve ever been to my food has been passable, and my drinks weren’t hitting.

                  • SuperStrings

                    Fridays is almost nonexistent here. The Magic Johnson Fridays used to be on point, but mostly Chili’s makes a killing here, as far as that type of restaurant goes

                    • TeeChantel

                      Aah. Chili’s is pretty good too.

                    • Breezyx2

                      I really hate chain restaurants but I will go to Red Lobster JUST for the biscuits and Cheddar’s JUST for the spinach dip.

                    • nillalatte

                      *whispers to Breezy* you know they have the Cheddar Bay Biscuit mix from Red Lobster in the grocery now, right? We all love ’em so I make them at home.

                    • Breezyx2

                      So I have heard but I make them from scratch cause I am a bawse!!! LOL!

                    • nillalatte

                      More power to you gurl. I’m cool with just adding water and cheese! lol

                    • Breezyx2

                      BOL! I have to try them. You are the 2nd person on here to mention them.

                    • SuperStrings

                      Also the Texmex eggrolls

              • MARGARITAS!!!!

  • Whys_Words

    The best french toast I’ve eaten absolutely destroys the best pancake or waffle I’ve had….so yeah french toast.

    • Damon Young

      this is true. but it’s too difficult to find

      • LeeLee

        For top-notch french toast, try Peaches next time you’re in Bedstuy.

  • cakes_and_pies

    French toast waffles>waffles>french toast>pancakes
    Also, no syrup, just whipped cream.. Alaga belongs on a biscuit and nothing else.

    • SweetReserved

      Alaga is a no go in general for me. I tried to get used to the taste but I just don’t like :-(

      • SuperStrings

        Also true for Brer Rabbit syrup.

      • cakes_and_pies

        It’s only good in pecan pie and on biscuits. i wouldn’t eat in on anything else. The taste is too sap-like.

    • Damon Young

      no syrup

    • deviant

      Speak more of these French toast waffles

      • cakes_and_pies

        It’s french toast made with Hawaiian roll bread and cooked in a waffle iron. I lurve making it.

  • Melissa

    French toast made with Challah bread (for the uninitiated, it’s the super-rich braided bread that causes people of my Tribe to engage in multi-generational fights over which bakery to get it from). Damn, Damon, I’m pretending to be on Atkins again and this is really messing me up.

    • MsSula

      Riiight? I am Team Paleo most of the times… but I can do some salacious things to a crêpe (we will include them in Pancakes). Le Sigh.

      • Does Paleo actually work or is it just the hot thing right now?

        • CrankUpThe_AC

          Depends on your body type. From what I’ve experienced and what i’ve seen among my friends doing it, if your an endomorph (naturally heavier) it works quite well. If your naturally leaner, then it’s probably not the best way to get the results you want.

        • MsSula

          It depends on what you mean by work. For me, I have been Paleo for roughly 4 -5 years. And it helped a lot with my digestive issues and insomnia. I was a bread addict and it was killing me slowly.
          Plus most (real) African diets are pretty paleo. So when I eat my Okra Soup filled with all kinds of animal parts, I am not missing any bread… or cakes or anything like that. :)

          • LeeLee

            Thanks for sharing. Fellow bread addict, here. Now I have to go and see what all the Paleo fuss is about. Bread, like most things that taste great, isn’t all that great for me :(

            • Churchlady320

              I miss it terribly, but I feel 100% better for not eating ANY grains at all. It’s not easy to make the change, but if it helps you, it’s worth it. Find PaleoGrubs on the web – easiest of all the recipes drawn from various sources. Don’t BUY a cookbook until you’re sure what works for you.

          • Churchlady320

            OK – I’m Paleo for the same reasons. However – please clarify “parts” because that sounds…ugly.

      • Melissa

        I lasted about 30 seconds on Paleo!! I have one of them Russian Dairy Farm bodies (big boobs, negligible ass/discernable muscle tone in limbs), so my internal organs can’t function without cheese.

        • FILTHIER

          My mom told me the only reason why I have big boobs is cause I love cheese. I used to laugh but deep inside I wondered if it was true.

      • Mahogany

        Being a black French girl I have to go with French toast and crepes. ?

    • Challah bread w/ french toast is too much…

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqlXa2__CkE

      • Melissa

        Have you ever had it stuffed…with cream cheese and jam?! ;) It’s the food equivalent of an Eyes Wide Shut-style orgy.

        • vanitaapplebum

          *faints*

    • brothaskeeper

      Challah back..

      • Melissa

        Still my favorite hahaha!! :)

  • SuperStrings

    This one’s easy.
    3. Pancakes- tasty but that’s about the extent of it
    2. Waffles – delicious
    1. French Toast – they’re magnificent. Brioche battered French toast (Corner Bakery) or banana bread French toast with caramel syrup (West Egg Cafe) are some of the best dishes I’ve had in my life.

    • Damon Young

      no

      • SuperStrings

        Don’t you prefer stuffing?

        • nillalatte

          It’s about that time of the year… where the stuffing v. dressing wars begin. lol

  • TeeChantel

    That is a toss up. I like pancakes and waffles, but I prefer pancakes over any other breakfast food. But my pancakes must have crispy edges. However, when I lived in Belgium, I absolutely loved the Belgian waffle. They were divine. I’ll go crazy for a perfectly prepared chicken and waffles dish though.

    French toast sucks. Yeah, I said it.

    • Damon Young

      do you want to get banned? because french toast does not suck.

      • TeeChantel

        On Christ the solid rock I stand… you will not sway me.

  • Agatha Guilluame

    I feel so strongly about this…that your final verdict, which ultimately means less than nothing in the grand or even minuscule scheme of things, STILL has my neck hot even though your opinion about breakfast foods doesn’t matter. Especially because clearly someone that prefers their food to have the consistency of gum paste is the sort of person whose opinion can’t and shouldn’t be trusted EVAH. Now I’m calling everything you’ve ever written into question. The sort of person that prefers pancakes isn’t the sort of person standing on a good foundation. It’s a house of cards. This whole site is a lie. I want my time back!

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