That Time I Went to a Panamanian Restaurant and Almost Left Brokenhearted » VSB

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That Time I Went to a Panamanian Restaurant and Almost Left Brokenhearted

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In this age of foot-faced presidential swampdonkeys, culture vulturing ho-ass racial stowaways, and mediocrity-masking alternative facts, a number of things are inarguable:

  1. Shawn is the LaTavia of the Wayans clan.
  2. The rent is too damn high.
  3. While Magnolia Bakery’s cupcakes are wretched, gorgeous bite-sized tragedies, their banana pudding might could fix Ben Carson.
  4. Withholding gravy is a crime against humanity.

Argue with deez nuts.

Gravy—sauce in general, technically—is a gift from Almighty Saint Damita Jo Jackson, the First, and must be given abundantly. Always. Sure, a bombastic curry chicken situation can be delicious. But bathe that same chicken appendage in a majestic sauce situation, and it becomes life-changing. The right gravy could help En Vogue quit the silly shit, axe that rebound so and so lady, get it the fuck together, and continue being great together, rather than split into blessing-blocking bickering factions.

Which brings me to my latest dance with disappointment.

Every now and then, when life gets unjiggy, I hop on a magic school bus to Washington, DeeCee and hibernate in the wilderness (usually my homegirl’s house in Hyattsville, Murrland) for a few days to recharge. There is much rest. And a fireplace beside which we drink ginger tea and luxuriate, laugh, and plot greatness. New York can be skressful, and sometimes, I need a break from the cat-rats, sidewalk-blocking tourists, and wayward Eugenes on Citibikes.

And there is always food. On a recent trip, I began a steamy affair with the glorious fried catfish sammich at America’s Best Wings in DeeCee. Fish sammiches remind me of growing up in Hampton, where I’ve eaten about 92,000 fish sandwiches in my life. Bonus points for the sensible, sturdy bun. With some french fries with some Old Bay?

 

patti praise

 

Nigga.

It’s now part of my self-care tool kit. But that’s not why we’re gathered here today.

As my sisterfriend and I are both halfroPanamanian, we’d been curious about what appeared to be the only Panamanian restaurant in DC, Esencias Panemañas, over by Howard where the brawny young tenderonis roam. It was spacious, bright, colorful, and empty. The tables were decorated with drawings of molas, the colorful traditional embroidery and women’s blouses made and sold by the Kuna Indians in San Blas, Panama. The walls had photos of Panamanian and a map of the provinces. She was real cute.

I was absolutely famished, my nigga. After much internal turmoil, I went with the rabo de buey, oxtail with onions, peppers, and a tomato chutney moment, atop some white rice, maduros (fried sweet plantains) and “micro greens,” which, SPOILER ALERT: were nowhere to be seen in my bowl. (see picture at the top)

To their credit, we arrived minutes after the lunch special had ended, and were initially told we’d have to get the dinner portions. We deflated. Our waitress disappeared into the kitchen and returned to tell us the chef gave the thumbs up for the lunch menu. Boom.

Okay, so the rice worked. This is no small feat. I’ve been working on my rice for thirty-two years. They got the plantain right. Thankfully. Because all plantain is not created equally. But that first bite of oxtail was like an employer-mandated likeability- and executive shitbaggery-focused weekend retreat led by Sean Spicer: arduous. Sure, there was a splash of gravy on the rice, and the meat wasn’t quite Madonna-well-of-creativity level dry, but they could have at least used more sauce to distract from the Taebo workout required to enjoy it. Dry oxtail just feels hateful. It’s hard enough being a Black-ass freelancing homothug here in the land of anusmouthed dumpsterhearted demagogues. I don’t need to struggle with my oxtail. Give us us free.

If I had to fight through the larger dinner portion, disappointed but smiling through it anyway, I would really be getting my Angry Black Man on right now.

My homegirl enjoyed her arroz con pollo and yuca al mojo (yuca in a garlic and onion sauce), though. Oh, and the tamale appetizer was muy delicioso and reminded me of the sacks of tamales my grandmother used to bless us with back in the day. Yet another thing I must master to tuck into my Good Husband Toolkit, for later.

When researching the restaurant, we saw a few posts about their Ron Abuelo cake. Ron Abuelo is the rum that sponsored many of my poor decisions while living in Panama. (That, and my newfound embrace of reefer.) Their food was well received but that damn cake was clearly the star of the show. The Janet in a room of Britneys, if you will. I’m rarely excited by liquor-bearing desserts, but since I was in my feelings about being assaulted by the aggressive, hateful wintery fuckshit outside, I needed something to remind me of sunshine and happiness in Panama.

We ordered one to share. I was skeptical, having just slain dragons and fought for a fortnight to get into that rough-and-tough oxtail meat. But unlike Meek Mill, that cake is a winner. ‘Twas roughly the size of a large muffin. Warm, light, airy, and just sweet enough. I tasted the rum. I don’t know how I missed that they had homemade Grapenut ice cream (before you make a screwface, bitch, it’s amazing), but that would have set the whole motherfucker all the way off. Still, it was like paid bills, booty rubs, and an A Different World marathon down pon the fireplace on a cloudy day. I instantly regretted sharing. It saved the day.

I need to have that cake in my life every time I’m in town. That’s going to be somebody’s birthday gift. We asked, and it’s available as a nine-inch or half-sheet. And perhaps one day while strung out on reefer, I’ll order a niner for myself and gain some more cushion as a result and I’m totally fine with that.

The lesson here is: always ask for more gravy and if they refuse, call Homeland Security.

Filed Under:
Alex Hardy

Alexander Hardy is the dance captain for Saint Damita Jo Jackson's Royal Army. He is a writer who escaped Hampton, Virginia and is now based in Panama City, Panama. There, he runs The Colored Boy, and consumes copious amounts of chicken. He has written for EBONY.com, CNN, Gawker, and Huffington Post among other outlets. Alexander can likely be found daydreaming about his next meal or Blacking It Up on someone's dance floor. He also doesn't believe in snow or Delaware. Read more from Alex at www.thecoloredboy.com

  • The mistake you made was trying to get any food of the Latino disapora in DC. I have a Colombian and Puerto Rican friend that live in DC, and every time they’re in New York to visit family, they get food because apparently, the struggle is Real down there. And the Jamaican food is so-so, though there are decent spots.

    On the positive side, I can use this info to suck up to the Panamanian who runs my department, so your sacrifice wasn’t in vain. If this job hunt doesn’t work out, I could use a raise. :)

    • Holy Room

      I can’t tell the difference between PR and Dominican foods. All taste look alike.

      • There are subtle differences, but the food of the Carribbean basin is all interrelated. If you’re into one, you can kind of maneuver your way through the rest.

        • Holy Room

          I like Dominican chicken pies with cheese in em.

          But Jamaican food hits the spot

          • MsCee

            I’m pretty sure 93.5% of the reason I love to travel so much is due to all the different foods I come across. Street tacos in Puerto Rico, Mofongo OMG just everything.

            • LMNOP

              I get excited even when I see new foods at the store.

            • Zil Nabu

              The main reason that Cuba was only meh for me was the food. The food is what makes travel worthwhile for me.

              • MsCee

                I hate traveling with people who eat American even when we’re out the country. Like seriously, I’m not stopping at Subway or Starbucks nunna that! Take me to all the local hole in the walls. I’m surprised Cuban cuisine wasn’t impressive, though.

                • Zil Nabu

                  We tried a variety of places, but outside of the food prepared for us in the casa and the chicken spot on the corner everything else tasted like rations.

                  • MsCee

                    D a m n. What a buzz kill.

      • Racism

        • Holy Room

          Alternative facts.

    • Mr. Mooggyy

      The Peruvian scene is pretty decent in the area!

      • Diego Duarte

        Is it criollan food, seafood or pollo a la brasa?

        • Mr. Mooggyy

          **Does a quick google search to talk intelligently**

          It’s a combination of both. There are so many around, it just depends on which spot you hit!

          • Diego Duarte

            I imagine chifa (Peruvian-Chinese) is out of the question? I’ve never found one outside of Peru.

            • Mr. Mooggyy

              Some spots you will get the Arroz chaufa but that’s about it.

      • miss t-lee

        There’s a Peruvian resto that just opened up here. I’ve been curious, but have no idea where to start.

        • Diego Duarte

          Aji de gallina. When in doubt it’s always the aji de gallina (not sure how they’ll replicate the flavor, but the ones I’ve eaten in Houston have been a close approximate).

          Also, lomo saltado. If you tell me the menu, I’ll tell you what’s usually good.

          • miss t-lee

            Okay aji de gallina looks good, so does lomo saltado.

            Here’s the menu: http://www.limacriolla.com/menu/

            • Diego Duarte

              HOLY SH*T! Jackpot! Dunno about the flavor but I like everything I see here!

              If you’re doing the appetizer you might want to try either a “papa a la huancaina”, yellow potatoe (hopefully) covered with huancaina sauce, which is made with fresh cheese), or “causa rellena”, yellow potatoe (hopefully) stuffed with chicken with mayonaise and tomatoes, or alternatively avocado and tomatoes).

              For seconds the Aji de Gallina is by far my favorite, but Lomo Saltado is popular as well. The anticuchos is a good appetizer, especially with chimichurri, but eating that with lomo saltado is kind of redundant so either get one or the other.

              Tallarines Verdes (spaghetti al pesto) is delicious as well.

              Tbh I like everything on this menu except “cau-cau”.

              • miss t-lee

                Oh, I’m excited. Might go check it out this week.
                Thanks for the suggestions! :)

                • Diego Duarte

                  My pleasure :)

              • miss t-lee

                I’m not a fan of tripe either, so I’d stay far away from that…lol

                • Mr. Mooggyy

                  My grandfather ruined that for me a looooooong time ago! Tripe is funky and weird looking!

                  • miss t-lee

                    Tripe, chitlins, all of it is a no-go.

                    • Rastaman

                      All organ meat is an acquired taste understandably but tripe is not chitlins. a whole different dimension, whole different!!

                    • miss t-lee

                      I’m well aware that tripe is not chitlins.
                      It’s all still disgusting, though.

                  • BrotherYou’reRight

                    Sir. Tripe is great

                    • Mr. Mooggyy

                      Have all the tripe you want ma’am! I’ll pass!

                    • BrotherYou’reRight

                      In soup, come on. So you are saying you do not eat cattle skin or tongue?

                • Diego Duarte

                  My mother used to try to get to eat me that with the whole “There are children in Africa who don’t have anything to eat.”

                  I asked her if children in Africa only had cau-cau to eat, cuz then I too would rather starve.

                  Got grounded, but it was worth it.

                  • miss t-lee

                    I got slappped in the mouth once for suggesting that we box up the beets that I didn’t want to eat for the starving kids in Africa.

                    • Diego Duarte

                      Mothers simply don’t play around, they take all slights against their food too personally.

                    • miss t-lee

                      Totally…lol

          • Mr. Mooggyy

            I am a huge saltado fiend! I dig tallarin saltado as well.

            • Diego Duarte

              Tallarines verdes with steak is a mean combo too, try them out sometime.

    • Zil Nabu

      I approve this entire message.

    • Ghettoprincess

      The largest Hispanic group here in the DMV is Salvadorian. If you like pupusas, we got you.

      • *takes furious notes*

      • miss t-lee

        Mmmmm pupusas!

      • Mr. Mooggyy

        I live real close to a pupuseria! The place be packed! The DMV Salvadorian population got another thing going on to. But that’s for another topic!

  • KeyBrad

    “Withholding gravy is a crime against humanity”
    Gravy is Bae in my world.

    • BrotherYou’reRight

      Not a big gravy fan

  • MsCee

    Alex, you’re my best friend in my mind. That aside, get all your gravy loving life at this place in Houston called MIkki’s Cafe. Lawd, even the lemonade was smothered.

    • Zil Nabu

      Best gravy I’ve had is at Pearl’s in Chicago. Their smothered chicken brings out my O face.

    • BrothasKeeper

      She ain’t lying! I never had lemonade with a twist of onion before.

      • MsCee

        Lmfao, have you been there before? I swear my weave smelled like gravy for dayyyyssss after eating there.

        • BrothasKeeper

          Yes, I’ve been there. It’s not as greasy as Mama’s Oven, tho. First time I ever saw a chitlin cake.

          • miss t-lee

            TF is a chitlin cake mayne?!

            • BrothasKeeper

              Something I hope doesn’t exist in ANY universe.

              • miss t-lee

                I also hope so.

          • Chitlin cake sounds hella violent

    • Diego Duarte

      Is el Pollo Bravo still open? The chicken rotisserie?

      • MsCee

        I’m not sure. I heard it was delicious tho. I live in Dallas.

        • Diego Duarte

          It was, the French fries were to die for.

    • miss t-lee

      Mikki’s was good. I like This Is It too.

    • Thank you, and noted. I love gravy-covered things.

  • Mary Burrell

    Ox tails are delicious

    • Val

      But very expensive now thanks to hipsters.

      • Zil Nabu

        White people discovered ox tails? When? Next you’ll tell me they know about curried goat.

        • Val

          Yes. And they know about curry goat too.

        • They also discovered roti too! :(

          • Ms.Moon

            Saddest thing in the world. A new West Indian place opened up close to us and we gave it a try, the husband was West Indian (Indian from Trinidad) the wife was white she made the roti and we never ate there again.

            • I blame the husband for lying to the woman. She might be a nice woman. She might even be able to cook other things well. However, for roti, she needed to do an extended internship in Trinidad. Nope!

              • Ms.Moon

                Exactly I was born in Trinidad, grew up in Trinidad, I have Indian relatives, my mother makes excellent roti, I cannot make roti to same my life. I can cook great curry, the roti I buy and do not embarrass myself. I know, accept and live by my limitations.

            • BrotherYou’reRight

              How the heII he got this woman making roti?

              • Ms.Moon

                I’m guessing he gassed up her head. There are people who cannot get over “I have a white woman,” and she can do no wrong. Tanty and kaki back home can make roti and this heifer was in that kitchen committing sins against good food when she needed to stay all the way away from the kitchen. The whole family’s expectations fell when we saw the wife come out of the kitchen to say hi to us everybody’s face fell you could practically hear the wha whas playing in the background.

                • BrotherYou’reRight

                  As Todd stated she needs a year, probably in Penal , learning to make roti and while she at it she should learn to make some doubles and aloo pie.

                  • Ms.Moon

                    If that woman spends a year in Trinidad she might not be fixing to come back. People get caught up and love the lifestyle over there next thing you know she don’t want to live here.

        • Hugh Akston

          Sometime last year a buddy invited me to watch and his band play

          Got there it was pretty cool right by the water and they were having a Caribbean festivity…so the resto was having a creole Caribbean cuisine…thought it would have been interested so I ordered curry chicken with creole rice…I’ve never seen a chicken so yt in my entire black life…my friend was trying to figure out where to throw away the jerk chicken

          The whole looked like what happened on those cruise ships

          So when any dwight says they’ve had Caribbean food I have to take that with a grain of salt and seasoning lol

          • Zil Nabu

            They think ketchup is spicy is I can’t see them surviving some real jerk.

          • Rastaman

            I blame you and your friend, I don’t blame the yt people!
            They will sell ice to Eskimos if they could, their hustle is unparalleled plus they will repackage anything and sell it back to the originators.

        • Brown Rose

          They already took away curry goat and jerk chicken.

          • Zil Nabu

            The crimes they’ve committed against jerk chicken would make Jesus weep. I’m still mad at that dry a$$ chicken I got from the Jerk food truck.

            • Brown Rose

              Don’t even talk about that dry chicken. *tragedy* Awful.

              • Zil Nabu

                And Dwights swear for gawd that it’s delicious. Tastes like sauced sand and they slopping it up with cardboard bread.

                • Brown Rose

                  Stop mayne. My throat just closed up reading that sentence.

        • miss t-lee

          They been discovered it, that’s why the price is so high.

        • Me

          What I don’t understand is why they do this to themselves knowing good and well the first thing they’re going to do is strip all the seasoning out of the dish. Quit “discovering” isht that you can’t handle!

          • Zil Nabu

            Say that one more time. I don’t think they heard you.

          • Spicy Kas

            Strip indeed. No lies told.

        • Spicy Kas

          They not hip to goat . . . yet

          • Mr. Mooggyy

            I hope they keep it that way!

          • Cheech
            • NonyaB?

              Y’all see Cheech taking notes outchea? If wypipo suddenly go big on goat meat and especially if prices rise, we’ll know whodunnit!

              • BrotherYou’reRight

                Well we know who we have to take out first

              • Spicy Kas

                Cheech’s wife is Indian so I’m guessing he is not unfamiliar with goat.

          • BrotherYou’reRight

            Aren’t goats pets? Those and rabbits?

            • Spicy Kas

              I eat them both so . . .

              • BrotherYou’reRight

                You and me. I think that is why we are friends. Stewed rabbits are the greatest. SN I am supposed to get a pair for my little cousins. Apparently you are supposed to buy them in pairs so they can start the repopulation

      • KeyBrad

        They been Hella high here (ATL)

        • miss t-lee

          Here too (TX) for at least 10 years.

      • By them whole and get them butchered.

        • Val

          Sounds like a plan.

        • BlackMamba

          Hipsters?

          • Hood grocery store.

            • Val

              Yeah, I bet ox tails cost $25 a pound at Whole Foods. Lol

              • “These locally sourced, free-ranged, ox tails from bovine who only dined on clover.”

                • miss t-lee

                  They’d probably be free of taste also.

                  • Of all taste

                    • miss t-lee

                      We had whole foods cater a breakfast meeting for us once, folks was 38 hot.
                      Like how does bacon taste wrong? If you get it from whole foods.

                    • “38 hot” though!?!?

                    • Spicy Kas

                      Ready to shoot someone

                    • miss t-lee

                      YES.
                      Eggs had no taste, bacon didn’t taste like bacon…I was like “TF I just pay for?!”

                    • cdj

                      They got me one time (first and last!) with some mac and cheese off their hot food bar. It looked right, but it was tasteless. I’m still kind of mad. This whole foods has black employees! I don’t know what happened.

                    • miss t-lee

                      Shame.

                    • Gibbous

                      They don’t have standard recipes across the chain. Cooks cook what they wanna cook, how they wanna cook it.

                    • cdj

                      Well, now that makes me madder. They could have made it right, and chose not to. I can’t stand people being trifling on the job >:-(

        • Simms~

          Yup. That’s what we do. Buy the whole tail and have it sliced or buy them by the box where it’s MUCH cheaper but you have like a years supply.

      • Holy Room

        No my dear. I used to buy halal fresh goat in a farm. Like half a goat. Jesus.

        • Val

          *scratches head*

          Huh?

          • Holy Room

            Farm fresh goat. Boom. Halal is a religious way of killing an animal.

            • Val

              But oxtail is beef?

              • Muslims can eat beef.

                • Val

                  Am isn’t a Muslimah? You two are confusing the heck out of me.

                  • Halal like kosher food is about how it is prepared.

                    • Val

                      Okay, I give up.

                    • nillalatte

                      lol…

              • miss t-lee

                Yes. From an Ox=cow.

              • Spicy Kas

                Yes

        • that’s s*xy

          • Val

            S3xy?

          • Holy Room

            Ummmmmm?!?! What is?

            • halal fresh goat. that’s good eating

        • KMN

          Listen this is EXACTLY how I want a man to propose to me…take me to the farm and let me pick out a cow…fuckadiamond…I want STEAKS kneegrow…STEAKS and ribs and roasts and ox tails and tongue ugh all of it lmao

          • LMNOP

            Even as a vegetarian I’m like “oh this is perfect, first he gets you a chest freezer, and then he takes you to the farm to get the steaks to put in it and then he asks you to marry him.” And I’m like “you had me at the freezer.”

            • KMN

              I swear if there is a VSB reading this and wants to make that move there are PLENTY farms in Wisconsin that I’m willing to go to in order to make this permanent and right…I come with an 8 year old lmao
              And ROFLOL @ you had me at freezer…listen…I’m all about the appliances lolol

              • Spicy Kas

                8 year old, so we know your are fertile. VSB’s speak up.

                • KMN

                  Fertile my behind lmao I got sterilized when she was 2 lmao

                  • Spicy Kas

                    I guess ya’ll can adopt.

                    • KMN

                      Hmmm…I almost downvoted this because I have 9 years to put this one out lmao…I’m good…maybe i’ll let his in…as long as they are around 9ish lmao…

          • NonyaB?

            I’m from the People’s Bureau and I approve this policy.

            • KMN

              YAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSS!!!!! LMAO gimme all the meat and protein (pun ALL the way intended lmao)

          • Rastaman

            Already taken but in my next life me an you girl got a date

        • Spicy Kas

          We found a spot that will sell a quarter.

      • Brown Rose

        Luckily where I live they have several meat markets that are catered/frequented by West Indians and Black Americans. Never had that problem thank goodness and I am not a meat eater. but my Mom’s oxtail? or Cow Tongue soup? Yuppers.

        • NonyaB?

          Yes, cow tongue is another delish dish when done properly.

      • Catfish Jenkins

        My mom and aunt came to Canada in 1970. When they went to market, the butchers used to give away the chicken foot, ox tail, and other cuts of meat considered to be undesirable (mostly to people of colour). Now it’s the most expensive ish in the market!

        • miss t-lee

          This is my grandmother’s gripe. It was all giveaway stuff back in the day, and now it’s crazy expensive.

          • Catfish Jenkins

            Chicken foot has no business being $5-6 a pound (not sure of your US costs). And ox tail? I was lucky to find a butcher than hooked me up. Supermarkets are lucky no one has decided to shoot them up for their b.s. prices.

            • miss t-lee

              It’s still a much cheaper option here if you’re able to purchase from a butcher, or meat processor. In the stores here oxtail is like $10/lb.

        • Spicy Kas

          Yep

        • Rastaman

          My moms tells me this all the time plus how inexpensive cod fish used to be. Now in lots a places its more expensive than steak.

      • Spicy Kas

        You can substitute meaty beef neckbone. It’s cheaper.

      • Geechi_Luciano

        Oxtails never been cheap lol

        • Ms.Moon

          Back in the day they used to give it away. My grandfather used to drive cabs in New York back in the day and he had friends in the meatpacking district he got oxtails for years for free because they used to throw them away.

      • Rastaman

        Because of the paleo diet they driving up the cost of plantains too.

  • Val

    Waits for our resident VSB Panamanian Malik to chime in.

    • I had no idea we were in DC honestly.

  • Oxtail must be cooked at a minimum of 3 hours on a slow roll, with lots of pimento seeds, peppers, browning and GRAVY. People go to restaurants, just get plain white rice and ask for oxtail GRAVY.

    How dare someone serve you something so disrespectful? TUH. Shoulda came to Pinks’ criddib.

    • KeyBrad

      I get oxtail gravy on my rice n peas at the Jamaican Spot.

      • that’s a meal in and of itself!

    • You live in the New York area. And easy on the pimento OK? That can be cloying.

      • It’s not if you put it in modestly. I love it, but try to pick them out before anybody bites down on one accidentally

    • Free oxtail? I’m on the way

      • I ain’t never said nothing about free

        • WHERE IS THE LOVE!?

          • In the supermarket next to the sign that says #39.99 for a case of oxtails.

            • I feel hurt and unloved

    • Val

      What is a pimento seed? I’ve had pimento cheese but know nothing about this seed you mention, Pinks.

      • BlackMamba

        What’s pimento?

      • Pimento cheese is so gross and I hate how it’s such a huge thing in NC.

        • Val

          It’s good on boiled eggs.

        • miss t-lee

          It’s so gross. My Pops loves it though.

          • Thank you!

            • miss t-lee

              It’s just a big Southern thing, but I still haven’t figured out why…lol

          • cakes_and_pies

            The only people I know who eat pimento cheese also drink buttermilk and lived through the Depression.

            • Lmao

            • miss t-lee

              OMG my late grandmother used to drink buttermilk. I never understood it.

              Yeah—any party, baby shower, event here is definitely gonna have pimento cheese sandwiches on the menu.

              • Jennifer

                We were just discussing old ladies that drank buttermilk w/ crumbled cornbread. Apparently, it was a thing in OK, LA, TX. I’ve never heard of it.

                • miss t-lee

                  It was, and still is a thing.
                  That’s exactly how my grandmother had it too…lol

                • Spicy Kas

                  Add Arkansas

                • Great grandmother. From OK. Moved to TX as an adult. I want so bad to find crumbled cornbread and buttermilk delicious. I just can’t.

                  • 3 of 1

                    It only works if the cornbread is really sweet.

                    • Thanks! I’ll try it. As a bougie black person, I will force myself to eat a food I don’t like, just to feel connected to the older generation.

                    • 3 of 1

                      Now let’s talk about chittlins… Lol

                    • Haha! Chittlins I already like! With the hot sauce? Delicious. I just don’t want to prepare them for myself or eat them at a restaurant. It puts me in a weird situation.

                    • 3 of 1

                      Ah yes, the dilemma of every chittlin connoisseur, who can I trick into cooking them.

            • 3 of 1

              Oh no…I love pimento cheese and buttermilk with cornbread…I am definitely a post depression baby though, lol.

        • Jennifer

          I didn’t like it growing up. Why is it becoming a thing?

        • Gibbous

          True story:
          1) Before I moved to NC, I’d always assumed that pimentos came in olives. Didn’t get that they were a pepper and could be served separately.

          2) Tried a pimento cheese sandwich on my Tour of Southern Foods (NC BBQ, Chicken & Waffles, Shrimp & Grits, Brunswick stew, etc.) Can’t figure out why they don’t use sliced or shredded cheese. Who chops cheese up into little tiny bits and mashes it with mayo? Yuck! This was a NO.

        • 3 of 1

          Blasphemy! Said the native South Carolinian. Pimento cheese burger with bacon and a fried green tomato, that’s all you need in life.

      • Brooklyn_Bruin

        It’s called allspice in the states

        • Val

          Oh, okay, thanks.

          • BrotherYou’reRight

            Very delish in soups.

      • Spicy Kas

        West Indians are going to kill me, but they use way tew much of it.

        • D A

          No we don’t your palate just needs training.

          • Spicy Kas

            You spelled killing incorrectly

            • D A

              Spice is life,

        • BrotherYou’reRight

          Go away

          • Spicy Kas

            No

      • Mr. Mooggyy

        You ain’t had good Jerk Chicken if it ain’t been cooked over pimento wood!

        • Rastaman

          TRUTH!!
          If its not been cooked over pimento wood it is just chicken in jerk sauce. I try to explain that to folks all the time but they just don’t understand. I had to take my lady to Boston Beach, Port Antonio, Jamaica to drive the point home that their is a huge difference between Jerk Chicken and Chicken in Jerk sauce. Plus change her life perspective when I introduced her to Jerk lobster.
          Over 10 years ago me and some friends were in Port Antonio eating at the jerk spot and someone’s kid dropped some jerk chicken outside and even the stray dogs wandering outside were discriminating. A couple examined the package and basically gave the look of “boring”

          • Mr. Mooggyy

            I went to this Jerk spot in Jamaica….my life has never been the same! My stepfather does a pretty decent job at home! He doesn’t have pimento wood but what he uses isn’t bad!

      • It’s technically whole allspice, but we call it pimento. A modest handful/pinch, depending on the size of your pot, should do it.

    • NonyaB?

      Tell them about that slow cook, ma’am!

    • Spicy Kas

      3 hours and you will be gnawing on it.

      • minimum of 3 hours..i like my meat to the point it’s juuust falling off the bone but not too soupy

        • Spicy Kas

          Same.

    • GenevaGirl

      Cook it even longer in a slow cooker to be extra succulent. My husband who is Jamaican starts his the night before and puts them in the crock pot and then puts them on warm when he wakes up.

      • right, minimum! My crockpot is too small to make oxtail (we have a lot of hungry menfolk in my crib), so I usually use a deep-bottom pot. I need to get my grandmother’s dutch oven and stop playing,.

  • I had trash oxtail from a Jamaican joint here. Mine were better and I obtained them without the clerks sass.

    • BlackMamba

      Are you really eating Jamaican food if you don’t get any sass? Lol.

      • I see what you’re saying. I just don’t want Nikki Minaj’s ex doing it.

      • Cleojonz

        Not at all lol. Like, put out that you want to pay for their product.

      • miss t-lee

        I’ve had plenty oxtail with zero sass.
        Never looked at as Caribbean food since we grew up eating it in the country.

      • Rastaman

        Is only non yardies get sass. You need to get your face right when you walk in the joint: screw face on or with a sweet mouth (lots of baby and sweet heart). Me, I go with the screw face and I always get good service, extra gravy, extra plantain and more meat than bone.
        If the food is trash maybe those folks are ja-faking. If Jamaicans don’t eat there it is probably not a genuine spot, most of us were raised to not eat out so when we do we are very discerning where we spend our money.

    • Getting the food from Jamaican restaurants in a timely manner has always been my struggle. The spot in my hometown truly moves at a glacial place and I have given them numerous bad reviews online for it.

      • Simms~

        And I am sure despite that they have yet to improve. It’s my biggest gripe with Caribbean food spots, even here in NYC.

        • I don’t understand. And then they’ll be mad at you for giving you YOUR food late

      • Catfish Jenkins

        Listen, island time is sacrosanct. Even at my mom’s. I ask when it’s gonna be ready, and she’ll tell me it’s ready when it’s ready.

        Also, when in a Caribbean restaurant, you’re only supposed to order the fried chicken with rice and peas with oxtail gravy. Cole slaw optional. Like PE, when it comes to other foods, I Can’t Truss It.

      • Spicy Kas

        Ate at a couple of spots in Port Antonio, Jamaica. Lunch took an hour to get to the table. Dinner took an hour and a half. Redunkulous

        • Catfish Jenkins

          Did you have somewhere to go? No? E’ry ting irie den! Just sip the Wray and Nephew slow.

          • Huh???

            • Catfish Jenkins

              Every one is in a hurry. @disqus_NauO1vWEEq:disqus was in Jamaica. The poster chile for “island time”. I can say 1-1.5 hours is fairly long wait for food, but that comes with the territory. I have no idea what he ate, but if it was seafood, most likely the cook was waiting for the fisherman to come in with the catch.

              Mad Lion said “Tek it Easy”. To avoid stomach rumblings, eat something small before you go to a joint in the islands.

              • Jamaican food is not that intricate that there needs to be a 3 hour wait unless they’re catching/killing the food on the spot

                • Catfish Jenkins

                  And usually that is the case. Power is expensive. My family there still uses the barrels we send to catch rainwater to wash clothes. It’s cheaper to send a fisherman out than to keep food frozen. Likewise, butcher a goat in the morning before you open, then cook it.

                  • Spicy Kas

                    This was just poor service. Even my wife’s brother who lives there was irritated.

                    • cdj

                      Was it a tourist spot, or a local spot? The times I’ve been to the Caribbean, the poor service/food was at the tourist spot. Once I found out where the locals went, the food was much better and they weren’t stingy with it. It still took kind of long, though.

                    • Spicy Kas

                      Lunch was a new spot. Based on prices hoping for tourists. Dinner was a local spot but having an off night.

                    • BrotherYou’reRight

                      The most important question is how was the roasted breafruit?

                    • Spicy Kas

                      Not enough is the short answer. It went well with the pork and roasted lobster though

                    • NoRaincanStop

                      Roasted breadfruit goes well with any meat

                • Rastaman

                  Well a lot of times they cooking to order especially if the place cater primarily to Jamaicans. Dem people don’t want no warm up food.

          • Spicy Kas

            Lunch spot we ordered wings and oxtail. They were out of wings so brought us drumsticks cut in half. Oxtails (all 3 of them) were thinner than my pinky finger and had some weird sweet sauce on them. To top it off the lunch was more expensive than the dinner we had later. Luckily, the next day we picked up jerked pork and roasted breadfruit Portland.

    • miss t-lee

      I’ve never had oxtails from any restaurant. It was always something we ate at home.
      And if sass comes with it, I’m all the way good.

    • I don’t need all that extra sass. I’ll go to the Puerto Rican and Dominican women who give me extra rice, peppers, and fish when I order

      • The clerk was a dude who was only giving extra poor service and sass.

      • Spicy Kas

        First read I missed the s in sass.

    • Jennifer

      Trash oxtails? Care to divulge the name of the joint so none of us suffer.

  • 44isnojoke

    ****Completely off topic****
    I am on the phone at work, and this old YT male prolly from east TX actually said 45 is crazy and he cain’t wait til he gets kicked out of office. I cackle all while he was talking BECAUSE I know in my heart of hearts he voted for him. Dummy!

    • miss t-lee

      If you’ve been to East Texas I’d bet dollars to donuts he voted for him.

  • 44isnojoke

    And another thang…mom is Panamanian dad is souf ca’lina black BLACK!

  • Let’s get some yucca Alex

    • Holy Room

      Hate cassava. Love malanga coco. Hated it growing up doe.

      • Namia

        Cassava is nice..why AM?

        • Holy Room

          It’s bitter and ugly looking. You can drench it in all the sauces available on this here green earth, not eating it.

          • Rastaman

            You need some fried bammy in your life. Have that with some escovitch fish and you will never be the same again

    • You don’t ever ask me to get food with you

      • we can eat whatever you want as long as it’s not chipotle

        • Wow. Racist.

          • Val

            Wow. Smart. Wasn’t Chipotle killing folks not too long ago?

            And hiya, AP. :-)

            • People with weak immune systems can kick rocks.

              • Val

                Speaking of rude.

              • Spicy Kas

                #facts

            • Also, don’t be saying hi and supporting Malik while actively dissing my favorite faux fast food spot.

              Rude

          • I’ll make you actual Tex-Mex food

            • Malik. Can you even boil water beloved?

              • You see how I offer her things and she rebuffs me?

                Make note

            • miss t-lee

              Chipotle is *not* Tex-Mex.

      • BrotherYou’reRight

        You too back on? Btw long time. How goes you?

        • Y’all can just assume I’m his wife if that makes y’all feel nice and cozy inside

    • I’m all the way down.

    • Diego Duarte

      Yuca and mayonaise, killer combination.

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