Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Pop Culture, Theory & Essay

Panama and His Theory of Misplaced Loyalty

I’ve got a theory. I know a lot of you all are averse to hard facts and science. But fret not because even after all my logic and my theory, I will add a motherf*cker so the ignant n*ggas hear me.

Let’s start at the top: women are overloyal. I could probably go the Black woman route and throw the words most or many to satisfy the antigeneralizationists out there. But I won’t do that. Satisfy deez. Pun. Anyway, women almost as a rule tend to be overloyal. As in, despite all of the facts, figures, and evidence, a woman will likely find some reason to stick it out and stay.

Exhibit A: Mimi from Love & Hip-Hop: Atlanta

Obviously, we’re not breaking new ground here. I think most people, men and women, would agree that a vast majority of woman stick around way too long. But the loyalty extends to other areas as well. For instance, Chris Brown is still having a stellar music career despite every attempt he’s made to end it. And it’s not just because he’s the best accessory artist in music today (seriously, dude makes every song he’s on sound better). It’s almost like he WANTS to go to jail. R. Kelly still has a career. Hell, he’s had such a good career post Pissgate that he owes the IRS nearly $5 million dollars. Guess he can take over the cell that Mr. Big occupied. And it’s not like men are keeping those ninjas careers afloat. Nope. It’s women. To a lesser degree, I’d wager that this even extends to the megachurch pastors who seem to have issues beyond reproach. Though I can’t lie…in Creflo’s case I honestly would wait to pass judgement on him. I had a cousin pull that “call the police and claim I got beat down by my parents” sh*t only to find out what it actually felt like to get beat down AFTER.

(By the way, there’s nothing wrong with women’s loyalty. In fact, it’s a good thing. Only when said loyalty is attached to negativity is it a bad thing. Just needed to add that in here somewhere.)

Anyway, women are overloyal. And here’s why: because women hate to be wrong. Leaving a man would require a woman to admit that she chose wrong. Which has to be a very difficult conclusion to draw considering how quickly most women are willing to place all of their proverbial eggs in that one basket. I’ve always found it interesting how women will find a man and date him for a while and be done. There’s no more looking. They have a man and that’s the one they’re hoping to end their dating life with. This perplexes me because it leaves very little room for evaluation. The evaluation that gets done isn’t to determine if she should stay or leave, it’s done to determine how to keep the relationship she’s in despite whatever issue exists. So while men never seem willing to work anything out, I suppose women want to work everything out. Not that I’m advocating for the early dissolution of a relationship because we don’t want to work, but let’s be real here, if you choose wisely upfront you won’t have to dissolve anything later, right?

One of my favorite artists is Kendrick Lamar. On his (O)verly (D)edicated LP, he has a song called “Opposites Attract (Tomorrow Without Her)”. At the end of this song is a spoken word piece by some cat (not sure who he is) that’s talking about how ridiculous a man can be towards women, how women give 100 percent even when a man is only giving like 20 percent. And how this woman is totally dedicated to this man who couldn’t care less. And yet she loves him and she always tells him that she loves him.

“But instead of admitting that she’s made another mistake, she tells me that she loves me…and I don’t know about love…”

I used to have a long running convo with one of my boys about the ability to trust my heart over my mind. And whether or not you should run with your heart or your mind when it came to love. I think we concluded that you should listen to your heart but trust your head. I get the impression that women are the opposite. Point there is that by trusting my (big) head…pun…we’d manage not to stick around in situations that were clearly not good for us to be in. And I’ve always wondered if that just made me non-loyal. Or if I was just smart. I’m not sure. But I do realize that I’m capable of making a mistake with my heart.

And I wonder if most women are okay with coming to that conclusion. That’s not a shot at all, by the way. More of a question.

And a theory…women are overloyal because they hate being wrong or admitting they made a mistake.

Motherf*cker.

What do y’all think? Ladies, do you think that you’re too loyal? And if so, is it because you don’t want to admit that you made a mistake? Fellas, what have you observed? Are you loyal enough?

Sometimes I, feel we share, nothing in common, it ain’t fair…where do we seem to fall??

Forgive me if this rambled, I listened to Nicki Minaj’s “Right By My Side” while writing this. F*cktasticness happens.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

Filed Under: , , ,
Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • Classy6ft5

    .

    • http://www.facebook.com/RandGAreZombies The Other Jerome

      Usually being “first” results in you winning a 1998 “Daewoo Lanos”. However i’m not sure if simply typing a “period” then hitting the post button qualifies you for the win. I’ll have to check with the judges…….

      • Dignan

        And 2nd prize is *two* Daewoo Lanos.

        (Yes, the plural of “Lanos” is “Lanos.”)

    • naturalista88

      I silently cackled at this.

      • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

        Isn’t “silently cackled” and oxymoron? :-)

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      i’ve got to give credit where credit is due…that’s new and innovative. lol. you should trademark that sh*t.

      • http://www.facebook.com/RandGAreZombies The Other Jerome

        I did, right after i posted. Or at least a ghetto copyright. That’s right folks, i printed it out and mailed it to myself :-)

  • http://www.iamyourpeople.com I Am Your People

    1) I just hope R. Kelly makes a song called “F*ck taxes” since he was the Pied Piper during his pedo trial

    2) I didn’t see LHHATL, but all other reality shows make it seem like…what loyalty among women? RHOA got a new clique every week. And Jennifer on Basketball Wives stabbed errrone in the back

    • Iceprincess

      He talkin bout a womans loyalty towards a man. We already know these reality hoes will stab eachother in the back in an instant.

      • http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 Tristan

        Women don’t like other women unless they online, blood or a soror

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          Online, blood or a soror? lmao

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          lol. we should do some type of study to see if that’s accurate. i feel like you may be right.

          • A Woman’s Eyes

            And the online is a fickle barometer. Women will hate on other women online. Go visit certain sites and whoa Nelly.

  • b sweet

    I’m extremely loyal-to myself.
    I’m not saying I’m not about taking a risk in the name of love. I will say it doesn’t come easy for me, and I enjoy nothing about being all in or putting my eggs in one basket, so I generally don’t. And when it appears that the risk is outweighing the benefit. It’s time to be out. Or get comfortable with taking an L. And I’m NOT about that life.
    I have a friend who’s been with a dude for almost 8 years. The dude is the purist example of ‘I do the bare minimum because you let me’. They have a son together and she’s still trying to get dude to marry her. Girl, Please. If overly loyal=stupid, then you’re using that word correctly. Otherwise you’re giving loyalty a bad rap.

    • whostolethesoul1

      she’s beyond overloyal, beyond ride or die, she’s stupid–he’s comfortable and no longer cares

    • Breezy

      Cute avi bSweet!

      • b sweet

        thank you breezy baby!

  • http://msrasberrysworld.com Tamara

    Interesting. I think you have some valid points but I’m not sure if the desire not to be wrong is always, or even predominantly, the underlying reason for “over loyalty.” I do think some women put up with too much nonsense and/or try to force relationships that aren’t working – for various reasons including not wanting to be alone, not wanting to start over w/ someone new, etc.

    • Chanelle

      I do think some women put up with too much nonsense and/or try to force relationships that aren’t working – for various reasons including not wanting to be alone, not wanting to start over w/ someone new, etc.”

      I agree. I don’t think it has anything to do with being right or wrong. I think most women don’t want to be alone or fall in love too quickly meaning even when faced with bad situations its hard for them to let go because their in love (also known as being blinded by love).

      • Rewind

        But doesn’t that make them wrong anyway?

        Being alone is not a sin. I know the way society tugs at the strings of a man is way different than how it is for women, but the need to just have someone makes anyone miserable and wrong in the end.

        I feel like it’s a lack of personal responsibility in the end..allowing so many other things to define who a woman is rather than the woman alone deciding those factors for herself. I could be wrong but still….it should just be better than that.

        • Chanelle

          But doesn’t that make them wrong anyway?

          I think you misunderstood what I meant. I’m not saying choosing to be with someone so that your not alone isn’t wrong but I was actually disagreeing with PJ that women stay in bad relationships because they don’t want to admit to being wrong. Many times women in bad relationships fail to realize they choose wrong to begin with and will go to any length to make things work, so like Asyiah says below “Women are overly-loyal, but I don’t know if it has anything to do with admitting they’re wrong. A lot of these women just simply don’t think they’re wrong. So how can it be about not admitting their wrong when they don’t even think that’s a factor in the first place?” To me the main reason women stay in these poisonous relationships is because they actually love the person their with.

          • Rewind

            I don’t know…from what I’ve experienced in my life, the women I’ve known gave everything they had to dying relationships and refused to take a hint that it just didn’t matter until the very last second. They just couldn’t handle the idea that their judgement was misguided and life needed to start in a new direction. That seems like they couldn’t deal with being wrong about the relationship to me. I believe it’s a whole host of factors, but being wrong definitely can be a part of it.

    • http://snarkyasiwant2b.wordpress.com Snarkychic

      This was my exact thought process. Wrong might be the case in maybe 2% of the female population but in my opinion the crux of staying in jacked up relationships has more to do with not wanting to be alone and not feeling you deserve any better.

      I know chicks who have stayed in relationships with men who’ve done things that range from criminal to worthy of de-balling and none of the “reasons” had anything to do with wrong. Honestly the reason they gave was “love” but their conversation lead me to believe it was a combination of plain ole dumb, low self worth, and the notion that any man is better than no man.

      So while I agree with PJ that chicks are over loyal, loyal to a fault, more loyal than man’s best friend (even a pitbul will turn on a horrible master) in majority of the situations wrong isn’t part of the equation.

      • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

        Honestly the reason they gave was “love” but their conversation lead me to believe it was a combination of plain ole dumb, low self worth, and the notion that any man is better than no man.

        Agreed. Between the need for women to get a part of something socially, and the external social pressures to be validated by having a dude, I can see how women can get caught up. The last thing you mentioned is definitely key, though. Any dude can be dumb and have low self-esteem. The difference for men is that at some point, one of his boys will tell him “yo, you can f*ck another chick man! Let’s go to the club and get some!” or something to that effect. Trust, as someone in a less-than-perfect marriage, I swear I get that call or text every week. LOL

        Women, on the flip side, don’t seem to get that message. It seems like at some point having a man is more important than the relationship itself, and that can be deadly. When a woman doesn’t think of herself, and gets the few props she gets from having a dude, it’s a dangerous situation for the woman.

        • Rewind

          It’s not like women don’t have other women trying to convince them to move on.

          Case in point, my girlfriend’s mom is in a HORRIBLE relationship with her husband/son’s father. Dude never did a thing for his son in all of his 17 years, and 14 years ago, she asked my girlfriend to be the caretaker of her brother because his father became ill with cancer and the mother needed to take care of him. Fast forward all these years, the man is still alive and worth $1.5 million dollars…while his son and daughter-in-law live in a cramped 3 bedroom apartment with 6 cousins.
          Anytime you bring up divorce, she always says “I can’t do that, I am not that kind of woman”.

          Seriously…..it can’t be just loyalty. It has to be ego as well.

      • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

        “This was my exact thought process. Wrong might be the case in maybe 2% of the female population but in my opinion the crux of staying in jacked up relationships has more to do with not wanting to be alone and not feeling you deserve any better.”

        YUP! And even in those 2% cases where it is about not admitting you’re wrong, you still stay BECAUSE you don’t want to be alone. You would have no problem admitting you’re wrong if you had a good guy waiting for you. No loneliness.

    • Breezy

      Yes and yes, I agree!

      Beautiful smile and picture Tamara!

    • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

      How about unconditional love and forgiveness? Oh, wait. Damn.. I forgot. Anything a black woman does in a relationship is due to low self esteem, desperation or stupidity. Those are the only three choices. And men never do anything because of low self esteem desperation or stupidity. Cause theyre smart and they don’t put up with sh!t. Ever. Never afraid to be alone, cause there are always a couple of women waiting to drop the panties as soon as he leaves.

      Did I get it right? I’ve almost got it memorized now.

      • CNotes

        “How about unconditional love and forgiveness? Oh, wait. Damn.. I forgot. Anything a black woman does in a relationship is due to low self esteem, desperation or stupidity.”

        Thank goodness you said this because I had steam coming out of my ears from all of this foolishness. We don’t want to be wrong is why we stay in bad relationships?? Wrong to whom? Who are we answering to? Women are born nurturers (we WANT to take care of people we love) and we are forgiving because we are born optimists (many times to a fault, but that does not change the premise of why we forgive).

        We have a responsibility to ourselves to make better choices in relationships (I agree with that). But, I resent the fact that our bad choices in relationships are tied to our ego.

        • CNotes

          Meant to say, ” I resent the notion”.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          hey man…its a theory. nobody said it was absolutely right. lol. be easy. and the thing is, while it may not be completely accurate doesnt mean that there’s no validity there possible either.

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          ” I resent the fact that our bad choices in relationships are tied to our ego.”

          Yet, alot of times it is. Val made an excellent point about your people liking the person so much. Many women care what people think about our relationship with a man. That’s why we advertise it on Facebook, and to our friends and family. I have gotten texted hugged up couple pics and emails about her relationship from women who were just in the relationship then next month she’s quiet and come to find out they broke up weeks after the texted photo.

          • CNotes

            I understand that it can play a role in some cases. But, I don’t think it carries enough weight to be called THE reason. In most cases, women stay in bad relationships because there is some glimmer of hope that the man will change or dysfunctional relationships are “normal” for her. Not wanting to be wrong about her choice…..eh…that is way down on the list.

            • A Woman’s Eyes

              I dunno, C Notes, wanting a man to be who he is not, to behave the way he won’t is an expectation of the ego. The ego expects the person we partner with to do better or do as we say/expect, and we then get disappointed when they won’t.

        • http://mrweethomas.wordpress.com weethomas

          Resenting something doesn’t make it less true.

          Self reflection can sometimes be a painful process.

          • CNotes

            I know why I do what I do. And I have NEVER stayed in a bad relationship because I don’t want to admit that I’m wrong about who I chose.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        i’m always amazed at how quickly it goes to “well men do it too”. i never said that we don’t. or at least i dont think i did. in fact, i ALMOST made a specific point to write, “and i know men do this too” but i decided to piss you off personally by not doing so.

        • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

          The fact that so many women said the same thing in unison makes me think of how many women are guilty of this. It’s like they know they have no defense, so they jump to ad hominems. (And to be fair, men do the same stuff when they get caught up too, so don’t try to make it look like I’m blaming women alone.)

      • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

        Oh come on now, WC, men don’t believe in unconditional love and forgiveness.

        • Justmetheguy

          I’d like to believe in unconditional love…

          • whostolethesoul1

            all ego strings would have to be burned

            • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

              exactly.

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          Men practice unconditional love and forgiveness ON THEIR OWN TERMS, not by what we expect or tell them to do unconditional love and forgiveness. Men are not our children.

      • http://mrweethomas.wordpress.com weethomas

        > How about unconditional love and forgiveness? Anything a black woman does in a relationship is due to low self esteem, desperation or stupidity. Those are the only three choices. And men never do anything because of low self esteem desperation or stupidity. Cause theyre smart and they don’t put up with sh!t. Ever. Never afraid to be alone, cause there are always a couple of women waiting to drop the panties as soon as he leaves. <

        No, men do plenty of things out of low self esteem, desperation, or stupidity. However, when it comes to long term relationships, men don't seem to suffer from these mistakes in the way that women do. The reasons are less to do with being smart and having more self esteem and more to do with our societal balance of power in relationships, views on men and women with long (multiple) relationship histories, etc etc.

        • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

          This, my friend is bullsh!t. Men do EXACTLY the same things in relationships that women do. Just loathe to admit it. Keep telling tall tales so much, yall believe them

          • http://mrweethomas.wordpress.com weethomas

            Did you even read my comment? It’s hard to take you seriously when you claim what I say is BS, then repeat it almost verbatim.

  • http://www.twitter.com/reggierockit ChaoticDiva

    The 5 stages of CD’s thought process while reading this article:


    Me? Overloyal? I pimp pimps!

    …D@mmit, why you trying to call me out and ish?! Not cool…

    You know, how about we look the other way at my supposed “missteps”….I don’t think they’re all that important since I’m single and ish now….

    *sigh* I must be an awful person because I date awful guys and stick with these ninjas…

    Fine. Call me overloyal. Whatever.

    • Meisarebel

      Ha! I enjoyed this.

      I would like to say that I am VERY happy you started your list the way you did, cause my first thought after reading this article was that most women are probably gonna comment saying “nah, I don’t do that, don’t know what women you know.” That’s very common among ALL OF US. We feel like we’re always the exception to the rule. So, with that being said, I applaud you CD.

      • Eric McD

        Word!

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        my first thought after i hit enter was that “i shall get reamed for this…i’m looking forward to it”

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          My thought was, “some women won’t like what PJack said!”

        • WLS

          The biggest reason that many women will have a problem with what you said was addressed in the initial post. THIS IS A GENERALIZATION. Yes women at our core are similarly driven and motivated to be nurtures and forgiving. HOWEVER how that plays out in our actions is what makes us individuals. I have seen any number of both men and women play the fool for far to long for various reasons ranging from financial security, complacency, fear, yeah egos too and a bunch of other ish. This is a problem for all folks. But my truth(everyone has their own version) is that often in this situation the loyalty in question has absolutely nothing to do with the person benefiting from it and everything to do with the person giving it… To add to all of the internal BS is society at large and especially black society telling women that if we throw in the towel were bad women (B#*CH#S) and not likely to find another bc of our shelf life( which is about the quarter of a life of a twinky) and too picky and nags and a bunch of other ish. The bottom line is that were all products of our society trying to be individuals so if you add the person baggage + the social pressure= foolish and confused souls. Its nice that those of us here think cuz were enlightened about these things we can avoid them and maybe even give a lil advise to the simple minded folks but yeah this too is an illusion

    • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

      Hey, the first step is admitting you have a problem. :)

    • demondog06

      “Me? Overloyal? I pimp pimps!”

      classic….i love it!

  • Leila

    I’m very loyal to my friends and guys until they give me a reason not to be. Sometimes love makes you blind to the truth and there were guys I should have ended it sooner with, but yeah I would agree in general women are too loyal. I think it comes from not wanting to be wrong especially if you’ve been together a long time and so much pressure to settle down.

    I’m a big fan of Kendrick Lamar too. I caught his show last summer. Real talented…

    • QueenStar

      Girl that ninja Kendrick…tell me why he came to Eugene, OR last summer and my ass drove all the way down there from PDX, got a hotel and errthang, I called myself about to make this an EVENT lol. He was opening up for Wiz, and the crowd…well, you can imagine the crowd. But what was sad was that it was only me, my friend, and MAYBE 5 other folks in the entire sold-out ampitheater who: A) knew who he was, B) was excited AF to see him, and B) shouted out lyrics and requests. Wasn’t but ten hands or so throwing up the three I’s for HiiiPower.

      I wept that day.

      • Dignan

        Wait……there’s another one of us in PDX??? BOOYAH! There may be hope for this city after all!

      • Leila

        I love Portland! I saw him in Seattle when he opened for Big Boi. I didn’t know who he was before the show, but became a big fan after.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        what’s PDX? is that the airport code for Portland?

        • Dignan

          Yes it is. That’s how lotsa people refer to our city rather than saying “Portland, Oregon (no, not the one in Maine.)”

      • Rewind

        Yosh! Kendrick fans! Great, I am not alone.

        I saw him last year at the Brooklyn Hip Hop Festival hosted by Q-Tip. Had no idea who he was but he peformed P & P. Finally listened to his mixtapes 3 months ago and been addicted ever since, then realized it was him who I saw last year when I played P&P. The world will catch up, don’t worry about it.

    • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

      “I think it comes from not wanting to be wrong especially if you’ve been together a long time and so much pressure to settle down.”

      And I think it becomes doubly hard to leave if your people like the person your with.

      Good observation.

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        ” I think it becomes doubly hard to leave if your people like the person your with.”

        Funny how that’s hard for a woman, but not a man.

      • Leila

        “And I think it becomes doubly hard to leave if your people like the person your with”

        Co-sign! This is especially true if it’s your family who likes them.

    • Breezy

      “I think it comes from not wanting to be wrong”

      Yes, the sheer embarrassment of it all among your friends and family. When you have to walk the road of shame and hear folks screaming I told you that ninja/ninjaette wasn’t shid….now go change your FB relationship status to IDIOT.

      • Justmetheguy

        Lmao @ changin the Facebook status to idiot. But u guys make a great point about how the family likin ur significant other complicates the process too. I’m glad you all are finding the validity in what Panama is sayin rather than assuming he was tryna apply a one size fits all reason for why a lot of women end up being too loyal. There are many reasons and the one he mentioned is definitely one of em. Ninjas be gettin real sensitive about certain topics smh

  • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

    I agree that women are overloyal. In addition to whatever fraction/percentage just doesn’t want to be wrong, they have a bad habit of believing in potential. It’s not really even believing in potential. It is that potential is the corner stone. Rightly or wrongly women want their mates to do/be better regardless of what type of person that are so they stay with trying to build up dudes even in the sh!ttiest of circumstances.

    • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

      So this is never going to be out of moderation?

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        sorry…i went to sleep right after it posted. not even sure why this went to moderation. we try to get to them as soon as possible.

    • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

      “they have a bad habit of believing in potential.”

      that’s my reason. I’m wrong a lot. I admit it. But it’s all about potential. If I see the potential of you being a good person (I speak gender neutrally, for I am overlyloyal to crappy friends as well) then I stick around. If I see absolutely no potential, I walk, no looking back, and with no regrets.

      • Justmetheguy

        Don’t change that about yourself tho. That’s a great quality to have even if many ppl don’t seem to appreciate it. Stay true to yourself and keep uplifting others in the process

        • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

          I’d like to be more like WC and uplift myself and others simultaneously. I have to stay true to me and love me too! :)

      • Rewind

        But when a woman sees potential..does she consider the potential a man sees in himself first? My relationship now has taught me that women may see potential in men, but usually that’s just simply her opinion about what she wants him to be. I don’t think a lot of women consider what a man really sees himself becoming in the future, hence why MANY MEN veer from the path a woman thought he would follow.

  • http://challyshares.tumblr.com/ Nei Jae

    [i]Ladies, do you think that you’re too loyal? And if so, is it because you don’t want to admit that you made a mistake? [/i]

    Hmmm. In some areas, yes. I am. But not because I don’t want to admit I was wrong. More like because for the longest time I deluded myself into thinking that I could make a bad situation great if I just stuck around and worked on it.

    Yea. I left that line of thinking back in 2007.

    • Dignan

      I’m SO with you on your second paragraph. I had a six year relationship where I was convinced that things would get better if I stuck around and worked on it.

      Well, in order for that to work, it takes two. And she didn’t want to work on it. When I finally figured out that she was never going to meet me halfway, I left, but that was a few years too late.

      To this day, I have no idea why she stuck around. She wasn’t happy, and she had no intention of trying to fix the relationship.

      Maybe women are more prone to inertia than men? Not all women, obviously, but generally speaking.

      • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

        I so feel you on the relationship work stuff. My wife will freely tell people that our marriage has had a lot of issues, but I will have to get into the Fox Viewing Position to even get to to attempt to work on stuff. It’s just amazing how women will stay around a dude just to say they have one without actually dealing with the man.

        • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

          Just read this paragraph and …..just….wow.

    • AfroPetite

      My thought process exactly explained down thread smh I stay trying to fix problems without the tools or knowledge to remedy said issues.

  • IncompleteSage

    As a generality, I do believe that women are more likely to be “overloyal” than men.

    Deconstruct the scenario:
    1.Men passionate about getting the attention and opportunity to “connect” with this woman.
    2.Women are looking to meet a suitable match(whatever her parameters are).

    I’m not arguing physiological or biological reasons but philosophical/psychological investment strategies.

    IJS, makes sense; adds up; ends meet; opposites attract…pun attempted. ;-)

    • nillalatte

      The things I could do with your avi… lol

      • Aly

        +2- Great smile.

      • Namia

        +10

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        and all of those things are filthy things.

        • nillalatte

          Well, damn. Who opened the flood gates?! Nah, AWE, not filthy right off the bat. At least give him a little time to get comfortable with my style. ;) I ain’t seen a line like this since Jay was performing his wifebeater tearing escapade! LOL *cracks whip* FALL BACK!!! Yeah, I know I got an e-boo, but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the view!

          • A Woman’s Eyes

            If eLusting is wrong, then I don’t want to be right!

      • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

        Agreed, great chin.

    • Breezy

      IncompleteSage *ahem* can you please COMPLETE your picture.

      *we ALL will be waiting*

    • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

      *Gets in line for the full frontal* cause the bottom is…..GOT DAYUM!!

    • WVBody

      Just had to compliment the smile and chin! Nice!

    • Aly

      I think it’s pretty funny that none of us has commented on ONE WORD this man has written- we’re all distracted by the picture. So superficial we all are lol…

      • Breezy

        BOL! I know right Aly!

        *zero shame so let me attempt to at least read his comment without looking at the picture*

        1.Men passionate …….like total get what you are coming from…women are passionate too.

        @Aly: did that work?

        • Aly

          Hahaha! That’s better…

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        Ain’t nothing superficial about a libido! Repeat after me, sexy = good = real.

      • nillalatte

        I’m sorry Aly… I did try to read the post, honest I did, but my eyes kept floating away from the words to the avi and my attention fell to zero. It was like the words were just floating in the air somewhere. I’m telling y’all… I’m a sucker for a goatee and a beautiful smile to the point that I develop acute ADHD!

        • whostolethesoul1

          Yes, sexy lips make it very difficult to concentrate…on anything.

    • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

      Women and men are both equally overlyloyal. The former with their partners, the latter with their friends.

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        I almost agree with you. Almost. I think its important to be very loyal to your true friends. You may need an alibi. lmao

        • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

          LOL I’m definitely loyal to my friends! I just noticed men to be overlyloyal to them, even to the homeboys that don’t deserve it. Channel that loyalty to your women, boys!

  • QueenStar

    I don’t understand how some women can be so loyal to something negative and not leave because they think that means admitting to making a mistake. Why can’t it just mean that HE’s the f-up in the situation? Why’s it gotta always come back as a judgement on the woman? I don’t believe in finding fault with myself after every relationship ends. It just didn’t work because HE wasn’t right for me, not because I can’t choose correctly. And no those aren’t exactly the same thing.

    Also–how do I post an Avi?! Halp! :)

    • Beautifullyhuman

      gravatar.com

    • nillalatte

      A-freaking-men sister! Preach!

    • A Woman’s Eyes

      ” It just didn’t work because HE wasn’t right for me, not because I can’t choose correctly.”

      What an oxymoronic statement.

      • demondog06

        “What an oxymoronic statement”

        i cocncur and shid

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          The only way the statement isn’t oxymoronic is if she deliberately chooses the wrong man.

      • nillalatte

        Again, you never really know the person you choose is going to be the right person for you. The relationship, or failure thereof, is not solely the woman’s responsibility.

        • QueenStar

          Lol looks like I should have stuck around to defend myself. But ya girl had to sleep, gotta rise and grind at 5 am to go get this money, ya feel me?!
          Anyway Nilla that is just what I meant. Thanks for the better articulation lol

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          lol and I agree with Nilla that we can’t know how a person will act in duration of a relationship but……it takes two to make a thing go right….or wrong. lmao

          He wasn’t right for her AND she picked wrong that time.

        • http://mrweethomas.wordpress.com weethomas

          That is correct. However, sticking around in a toxic situation starts to be partly your fault. Nobody faults you for not being able to tell the future and see him stockpiling relationship gas cans. But when the house is ablaze and you just sit there with the flames all around you trying to put things out with a water gun, then us from the outside start to question your grip with reality.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      Hmm…I think they may be the same thing. If he’s not right for you, then how did you choose correctly? if you can explain how that makese sense, then I’ll agree with your last statement.

      i’ll admit this post can come off as saying its women’s fault. and obviously men do f*ck up in relationships. but thats kind of my point…you all KNOW you should leave quite often, but refuse to do so despite all evidence that you should. men ain’t dumb. we know when we got one who’s going to put up with it so we stick around until we can’t. does that makes use trifling? yes.

      so men are trifling and y’all are stupid. lol. #wallahmagic we all suck i suppose.

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        PJack, The main problem with this post is that a man made it. That is all. Energy & responses might different if a woman asked that.

      • London

        So…what is it that men want? An overloyal, stupid woman? Or a smart woman who refuses to give trifling men the time of day?

        • lm

          Interestingly, I see this rather trenchant — and also straight-to-the-point — question remains unanswered.

          *crickets*

          #wooosah

    • Rewind

      Because eventually when you make a bad decision and continue to stick with that bad decsion, YOU HAVE TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT.

      Let’s just stick to facts. You don’t own a person. You can’t force a person to do what they don’t want to do. Lastly, you can’t make a dream person come true. You either accept someone as they are or you don’t. So if you meet someone who is poison to your life but continue to stick with them despite them constantly bringing you down, it is no longer that person’s fault soley that things are horrible. It is now your own as well, because you’ve helped reinforce the problem by never dealing with it.

      Of course it is never fully the woman’s fault and it’s wrong that such a stigma exists, but people need to stop acting like we aren’t at fault for the situations we get ourselves into. We are. No one forced us to get with someone and stick it out with them.