Our Unreasonable And Arbitrarily Critical Standards For Women Making An Effort To Enhance Their Beauty » VSB

Featured, Theory & Essay

Our Unreasonable And Arbitrarily Critical Standards For Women Making An Effort To Enhance Their Beauty

There’s a lot of huff made these days about social media and an alleged rise in vanity and narcissism (despite neither being all that quantifiable). People bemoan Snapchat filters, Facetune, and the heavily glammed up ladies that employ their visual enhancing features. Not surprisingly, this huff is usually directed at women; most of whom are often accused of being both vapid and dubious. Obviously filters can be made to beautify; they smooth skin, slim faces, and brighten teeth. Waists can be snatched, hips curved, asses can be plumped, noses can be nipped, all with the swipe of a screen or touch of a button. We are indeed living in a much more visual world, and a lot of us are much more image savvy than our generational predecessors. That being said, it doesn’t necessarily explain the vitriol sometimes directed at women who people accuse of “faking” or “cheating” at being beautiful and are deemed unworthy of such acclaim.

We’ve all seen the shock and dismay at “before & after” pictures of women who have undergone a dramatic transformation with the help of a skilled makeup artist. Peruse the comments under any such image on Facebook, IG, or Twitter and what you’ll often see is a range of shock, awe, and disgust baked into commentary characterized as harmless jokes.

Men will exclaim “shit like this is why I have trust issues” and even other women will chime in to agree that this type of ‘transformation’ is both deceitful and unnecessary. The overall reaction seems to imply that people get very disturbed when the women they deem naturally unattractive can be thought to be attractive even in a passing moment. You can see the same elements regarding imagery of women who’ve had surgical enhancements often prompting the cry “What is the world coming to? What happened to [real] natural beauty?”

Beauty is a complicated thing; some folks say its subjective or political. Some folks try to measure it with the golden ratio and assemble a list of white actresses who allegedly embody its perfection. However, what’s indisputable is that beauty is a commodity and treated as such. These days, the everyday woman has unprecedented access to plastic surgery procedures, make up techniques, advanced weave & lace front technology and photo enhancing methods that were once only available to starlets. Consequently, as with anything in this world, once something becomes more accessible, people begin to elect themselves arbiters, gatekeepers, and protectors of its purer, “realer” form. If beauty is no longer as exclusive, how do we then value it? If any ole woman can become “beautiful” then what other metric can a woman’s value can women be judged by? Something trivial like her personality or character?! Who wants that? Who can be trusted?!

That seems to be at the root of the panic found in men who express feeling violated for having been attracted to a complete stranger that benefits greatly from skillfully applied makeup or clever camera angles, and women who find themselves competing for male attention with other women who might have purchased the coveted physical features they were born with. The floodgates are open, and now anyone with about $5-8k and a ticket to the Dominican Republic,  can become desirable. Is this really some sort of social anarchy that merits panic? A significant indicator of moral decay?

Now, there might be some arguable valid concerns in all of this. As there is a rise in plastic surgery that a AAFRPS survey associates with social media, and while that in itself is not necessarily a morally “bad” thing, it can translate to more opportunity for unscrupulous and bootleg plastic surgeons, and invasive procedures do involve risk. Several people have died from non-FDA approved butt shots, in an attempt to obtain the homogeneous body shape of prized IG models. And there is always that margin of people who go for unfathomable body proportions, and charlatans who tout their new BBL (Brazilian Butt Lift) as the result of the new Flat Tummy Tea and workout regimen they’re selling. One can argue that it contributes to unrealistic expectations for women, but has ‘natural beauty’ ever been more attainable? So often people couch facile critiques of women’s choices in regards to their appearance, in feigned concern for their health and well being, it’s hard to discern what’s what. Reinforcement of beauty standards is so often about obedience, not health and certainly not the benefit of women.

Humans have always been image conscious, and it’s likely since the first black obsidian glass mirrors were made in Antonia we’ve found ways to beautify and improve the reflections staring back at us. And while we have more advanced smoke & mirrors at our disposal, the average woman is not that skilled at drastic transformations. Sometimes a professionally beat face can be a treat, self expression, or a cathartic indulgence. Sometimes you just wanna conceal a hormonal breakout, sometimes dog ears are just fun, sometimes you decide you’re finally gonna go through with that ‘mommy makeover’ because it’s time do something for yourself. Hell, sometimes you just wanna look like the prototypical ‘bad bitch.’ Maybe you are feeling a little insecure about your appearance, is that ok? These motivations however, are not always tell-tell signs of low self esteem, intent to deceive or shame or an omen of a doomed generation.

The difference between repulsive vanity and celebration of beauty seems to depend on who’s holding the lens. It’s acceptable when a woman’s beauty is celebrated by observers, but not when she’s leading the parade herself. Despite that meme (you know the one) depicting a woman on her knees giving blowjobs to various phallic shaped social media platforms that your MCM crush posts on IG with a ‘Food 4 thought’ caption, social media is not corrupting masses of wimmenz. Nor is it leading them down a path of wayward digital fellatio gangbangs in an attempt for validation.

We’ve always lived in a world where beauty is demanded of women, and those who cannot or are disinterested in producing it are ignored, mocked and /or scorned, those who try to conform are mocked and scorned, and those who fit within its relative parameters while celebrated are also treated like possessions. It’s a difficult maze that we all struggle in navigating while trying to maintain some semblance of sanity and positive self image, and the world as we know it is not in danger because a  few of us engage in a little more pageantry and self aggrandizing along the way.

P.S – You will have to pry the blue hued SC filter from my cold dead hands, my phone’s front facing camera makes me look like a skeptical potato

Danielle Butler

Danielle Butler is a 30-ish yr old LA/Chicago hybrid whose mutant powers include shit talking, procrastinating, and relating any topic to food. Her favorite pastimes include watching Spongebob with her son, yelling at her cat, and lying about working on her book of short stories.

  • MsCee

    ‘Advanced weave and lace front technology” took me out tho.

    • charisma_supreme

      It really has come along way since yaki days. Im scared to try a lacefront, but they look good on the ppl online. Lol

      • MsCee

        Yeah just my luck I’d end up a damn viral meme. No thanks. I’ll still to this nice sew in with a closure.

        • charisma_supreme

          I want to try a short bob cut, but im natural and idk abt that blending with a leave out sew-in. Lol. This is why I’m gravitating toward the wig, but idk. Plus them thangs is ‘spensive!

  • TheCollinB

    *crosses fingers hoping a man is the first one to truly comment on the article*

    • SoonToBeMrs

      saying what exactly, he got trust issues because of her makeup. Get yourself a therapist and stop using her as a reason for your trust issues! They stem elsewhere. Idjot.

      • TheCollinB

        That’s exactly what I was expecting to see happen. A n*gga willing to offer himself up as a living sacrifice to the goddesses of VSB. It’s going to happen.

        • SoonToBeMrs

          He stupid AF.

          • TheCollinB

            Yeah, yeah yeah.

    • Brooklyn_Bruin

      I was this close! This is the perfect mix of the reasonable and the obviously indefensible.

      • TheCollinB

        Certain fish are attracted to certain bait. I think you and I both reside in the deep sea, one of the minows will bite tho.

    • NonyaB?
  • Sigma_Since 93

    Way too heavy for a Friday. This issue has too many levels and I can’t today. It’s Friday, I got paid (and now I’m broke), and Mrs. SS93 doesn’t have anything planned for me to do.

    • Michelle is my First Lady

      Give me $20.

    • TheCollinB

      I was ready to get my brand of commenting going. Maybe it will lighten up.

      To add to your comments tho I too am broke and I believe my wife to have plans to rock with her crew so I’m gonna be home doing what husbands and dads do when they’re unsupervised.

      • Sigma_Since 93

        But there are NCAA games this weekend……no need to be watching sparkbang.

        • TheCollinB

          That’s already on the docket and my wife can be a night owl.

      • LMNOP

        What do husbands and dads do when they’re unsupervised lol? Eat on the couch?

        • Other_guy13

          Nothing that will get us in trouble if that’s what you’re asking

        • Epsilonicus

          Xbox

          • Bushido Brown

            Yep

        • Sigma_Since 93

          Put the game / video game on with the surround sound, have a drink and not put it on the coaster, leave cabinet doors open, fart freely, double dip chips in the ranch / salsa, drink from the carton, etc.

        • TheCollinB

          Ma’am I can’t let you in the inner sanctum like that.

        • Revel in the silence.

        • Apparently they have water balloon fights, make the children swear to secrecy, and then have to confess when you inquire as to why the desktop keyboard has stopped working.

        • La Bandita

          NOT eat the vegan mash papas made from califlower, because we want you to live forever.

          • LMNOP

            No one lives forever. I love cauliflower though, especially with garlic, I’m jealous of your husband lol, I wish someone would cook me yummy vegetables. Have you ever had roasted cauliflower? It’s so good.

            • La Bandita

              Yes, I just made roasted bbq cauliflower -it was so good.

      • Nods. That daddy time goes to the left so very fast.

        • TheCollinB

          Bruh

    • MsCee

      it’s so relevant though. Growing up I was ALWAYS built, like I’m talking Serena Williams at 12 years old. (Puberty was a cruel bih to me) It’s so funny though because the SAME classmates I grew up with who loved the little skinny’s now social media stalk me. I’m like wait, you do know I’ve always been built like this right? Oh, you had to wait for society to tell you it’s ok to be attracted to a bigger/curvier woman?

      • Sigma_Since 93

        Relevant but way too much to unpack. Where do you start:

        Clothes
        Hair
        Body Type
        Psychology

        I just want to see folks re-up the cuffing contracts with this cold snap we’re having while I provide commentary from the sidelines!

        • SoonToBeMrs

          BT, babe it’s cold what we doing tonite?!?!?

        • Rewind4ThatBehind

          You just can’t help yourself, can you?

          • Sigma_Since 93

            I fully embrace who I am at this stage in my life! lol

      • Brother Mouzone

        Society- AKA, white men. Brothas been liking hips, azz, and curves but our opinions didn’t matter until they started agreeing with us.

    • NonyaB?
  • JennyJazzhands

    Cool article Danielle! I think about this a lot. I love makeup and the whole ordeal of picking out my outfit and shoes for the day. (My Nana says that because I’m a libra I care way too much about how I look. I don’t know about all that.) But, I do enjoy preening and primping. Now, with that being said, other women give lots of compliments regardless of the level of glam. However, when I’m a complete mess, in my opinion (usually rushing/running to or from the dance studio in leotard, sweatpants, uggs, hair thrown up in a mess of a bun and sweaty face) that is when men take notice every time. I get stopped in my tracks for a guy to say how great I look.
    I said all that because I’ve been wondering if what you just wrote about is the reason for this. Are people that jaded about makeup and other enhancements that their starting to pay more attention to the complete opposite just to be sure what they’re getting or to assuage those dumb “trust issues” about the face behind the makeup?
    I don’t know if any of that made sense, I was just trying to quickly get this thought out.

    • TheCollinB

      It has been posed that women do their best preening and primping for themselves or other women and not men. To that you’d say…

      • MsCee

        I strongly agree. Most men I’ve dated could give a rats a$$ about my makeup for the night. I have found that it’s always the bare face, and toned down look that drives them crazy.

        • TheCollinB

          Only time that makeup for the night becomes a bonus is if it’s still on if you decide to end the night with a bang. Outside of that it’s not as high on the list as how your physique is workin in that outfit.

          • Sigma_Since 93

            Back in the day, I would pray that ol gurl invested in good make-up. Nothing worse than having her foundation and eyeliner all over your sheets and pillowcases.

            • TheCollinB

              Because guys don’t wash their sheets nearly as much as they should and no woman needs the evidence left st the scene of us out here thotting.

            • Michelle is my First Lady

              That’s what make-up wipes are for. Nothing like waking up with pink eye or some other eye infection from leaving your make-up on all night.

              • grownandsexy2

                I can’t even imagine leaving make-up on all night. Mine gets washed off as soon as I get home. I did work with a woman who was so addicted to her make-up and evidently was all out and refused to come into work without it on. She was waiting for the Rite-Aid to open at 10:00 so she could get some, making her an hour late for work

            • Ess Tee

              It should be all over you…so I’ve heard.

              • Sigma_Since 93

                Lipstick / lipgloss yes. Mascara…..not so much

                • Ess Tee

                  I’ve definitely had liquid eyeliner smear off onto his skin. *shrug* ‘Twas fun!

        • Brother Mouzone

          Exactly. All that face paint is just gonna mess up my 800 thread count Egyptian sheets..lol.

      • Brooklyn_Bruin

        It’s also been noted that the cruelest comments often come from women.

        • TheCollinB

          Noted

        • La Bandita

          Not true. It’s usually the ones that are Blk male identified and not girl power.

      • JennyJazzhands

        I think that’s true. Not even for other women. It’s all about me. I don’t need anyone to notice or like it. I need to love it before I walk out the door.
        But, I do know women that are solely interested in male approval when they get dressed every morning.

    • LMNOP

      This is so true, I think women are much more likely to notice if you look pretty and compliment your shoes, makeup, jewelry, clothes etc.

    • Sigma_Since 93

      “However, when I’m a complete mess, in my opinion (usually
      rushing/running to or from the dance studio in leotard, sweatpants,
      uggs, hair thrown up in a mess of a bun and sweaty face) that is when
      men take notice every time.”

      Most cats know think like this: if I think you are pretty in this condition, you are going to be off the hook when you decide to get dolled up. The biggest problem I see most dudes having is women don’t believe us when we tell you that you are pretty; especially when you are not at your level of together for the day.

      • LMNOP

        Also, wearing sweatpants after an exercise class, your going to be a little sweaty and have that endorphin “glow,” just like if you just had secks. I think men might be making that connection too.

        • Sigma_Since 93

          It’s not always about “the glow”; some women got a wardrobe full of lulumom pants and ain’t seen the gym since it was a required class in high school.

      • lilylawyer

        “The biggest problem I see most dudes having is women don’t believe us when we tell you that you are pretty; especially when you are not at your level of together for the day.”
        …maybe…(Holds head down in shame)

      • Brooklyn_Bruin

        She can believe this dictionary and thesaurus

      • JennyJazzhands

        I get that. Don’t think I thought of it that way.
        I don’t see myself as unpretty on those days, I just think I’m undone.

      • grownandsexy2

        “The biggest problem I see most dudes having is women don’t believe us when we tell you that you are pretty; especially when you are not at your level of together for the day.”

        Cause a lot of women believe a guy will say anything to _______________.

    • Michelle

      For me, the “unkempt days” are usually accompanied by bloating, cramps and a heavy flow. Yet, there’s always a man that’s willing to go there, when it comes to flirting.

      • JennyJazzhands

        Always. Though, mine are more often than that. I have time management problems when it comes to waking up and getting places on time. When I’m undone it’s usually because I had to be somewhere (staff development, last minute schedule changes) and I just wasn’t ready when it was time to go.

  • NonyaB?

    Seems easier said than done but the best path is to seek validation internally and aspire to be truly shameless. When your self esteem doesn’t depend on others’ opinion, you can enjoy your life better, including deciding how you want to physically represent yourself at any time. Bask in or laugh at yourself (’cause you are the sh*t) and self-correct where you deem necessary. There’s also nothing more freeing than when nobody can shame you because you’ve come full circle with yourself and your experiences, therefore immune to their attempts at imposing fxckery.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3089087565fe5ce13180a1f258de2996612e17ca9f5d05cc99c6f26fea32cb3f.gif

    • kingpinenut

      I hear the choir sangin

    • MissBliss

      Girl, PREACH!!

      • NonyaB?

        ??

    • MsCee

      Girl, I’m starting you a GoFundMe for this piece of truth you have bestowed upon us today. I had a guy tell me recently that I seemed like the type that needed to be “brought down a notch.” He was so confused when I laughed in his face, mafucka I’m unbothered by your fuckery.

      • TheCollinB

        That n*ggas an a s s hole

      • NonyaB?

        Preciate cha!!! And FXCK that ninja.

      • AlwaysPi7

        Like why shouldn’t you feel good about you? Look to no other for self esteem or vallidation or affirmation. I learned to be self assured as a young girl, amazing that it only bothers the weak.

      • miss t-lee

        Plenty dudes out here living to try to humble someone.
        Shine f*cking bright ma’am.

        • MsCee

          See:Tyrese Gibson

          • miss t-lee

            Lots of money to made out here off women needing to be “fixed”.

      • charisma_supreme

        I always wonder how ppl imagine the convo will go after saying fuxchit like that to other folks. You need to be brought down? Bih, how bout you bring yourself up?

        • NonyaB?

          Exactly! Folks talk about wanting others who’ll bring the best out of them but an idiot like that can’t even compute such, much less upgrade himself.

        • MsCee

          Right, I guess I was supposed to be like, ok so chex now? Lmfao, nah bruh, that’s not how this works. Needless to say he never called back after date one. I’m pretty sure he’s the type that likes really weak minded women.

          • charisma_supreme

            Wait. Wait. Hold………….

            This was said on a date?

      • lilylawyer

        The first thing I think when I hear that kind of sh*t is, “you beat women.”

        • charisma_supreme

          To a pulp!

        • MsCee

          Right, or at the very least verbally abuse them until they wish you would just hit them and get it over with.

        • grownandsexy2

          Same thing I thought. Cause that’s the only way to bring them down a notch.

      • Brooklyn_Bruin

        Were you being uppity, lol?

        • MsCee

          Not at all. He face timed me and asked me to smile. I smiled and he asked if I was a smoker. I laughed and said no. He was clearly trying to insult me. I didn’t even have to call him out on it. He said himself that he could telI was the type that was used to compliments and that he knew if he wanted to date me he’d have to “bring me down a few notches.”

          • Brooklyn_Bruin

            I’m sorry you had top go through that. When will these boys learn?!!?

            • MsCee

              It was hilarious. Don’t feel bad at all. It was so fun to watch him panic internally, he definitely wasn’t used to getting the type of response I gave him. He tried to get right soooooo quick after that. I was like nah bruh, what happened to the insults?

              • Brooklyn_Bruin

                As a fan and practitioner of artful courtship, it hurts my heart to hear of these misdeeds

                • NonyaB?

                  And how does a Brooklyn_Bruin execute artful courtship? Spit yo game/speak yo speech.

                  • Brooklyn_Bruin

                    As the old saying goes, the game is to be sold and not told.
                    However, in accordance with the court agreement, lemme do some community service by analyzing the myriad problems with this fumble.

                    1) Facetime

                    Any courtship over phone, text message, social media, dating apps – violates the Law of Distance. The further away you from a potential “words with friends” partner – the easier it is for miscommunication.

                    As a corollary, there’s some stuff you can get away with in person, that cannot be done via satellite. You say one thing, and it just sits there in TEXT or just hanging in the air. She doesn’t see your body language, facial expressions…

                    But the real problem is

                    2) Homey ain’t have his mind right.

                    He came in with a competitive posture to something that is ultimately collaborative. And on top of that, he wanted to not just get on top of her, but take the top spot.

                    He wanted dominance. To push her down.

                    Now maybe my sample is flawed, maybe my population is based – these past few years I only date women with college degrees and up, their own car, their own apartment. Derisively called independent women. Maybe a few say they don’t “need a man” and some insecure men take umbrage. (Heck some very secure men take ADVANTAGE, but that’s a different post)

                    It’s been my experience, that a educated, working, woman that’s bout her business – she don’t need to be “dominated” like some “poor wife”. (now behind closed doors, is an entirely different and unChristian topic)

                    And if a guy is trying to be some “alpha male”, barking orders and making people feel low – that’s not going to attract a quality woman. (it may attract some women who like abuse, I find that those chicks and me don’t hit it off)

                    A true leader? People want to follow him of their own volition.

                    And in the case of educated women, you show her that you can handle your BI and take some of the weight off her shoulders – she’ll gladly hand you the keys and let you take the wheel. (she gonna keep an eye on the road though, let’s keep it real)

                    An emotionally healthy chick has no problem letting someone else call the shots for once. As long as brougham makes the important calls and handles his business and keeps things interesting – he’s on the way to Grandfather status.

                    And to not gender this up too much, a real healthy person has no problem letting the someone else make the tough calls, just so long as they get to do their job to the best of their ability. That’s what happens at work.

                    When you look at well run businesses/organizations – what happens is that there is a lot of trust between production and management. And a poor business usually shows mistrust between production and management.

                    Same thing with a poor relationship.

                    So potna needed to exchange some pleasantries, show some personality, and then extend an invitation to something mutually agreeable, as soon as possible, lest her attention be taken by all the million things in her life. Free wine at an Art Gallery type thing. Low pressure socially and financially if that income tax ain’t come in yet.

                    But if he comes at a chick “trying to put her in her place” from jump…not gonna work in the long run. Healthy chicks are put off. And an unhealthy chick is going to require that ALL THE TIME. You don’t ever get to take a second off, cause she always asking you to put her in her place.

                    In terms of putting this in practice, some of these ladies out here need a bit of direction during that initial interaction. They think cause you coming at them in a certain way that you don’t have the goods.

                    A guy that’s not used to asserting himself won’t know what to do in that situation initially.

                    But ultimately he needs to show her that he can handle her little hahas and handle his own emotions, so that she can relax a bit.

                    A lot of this stuff is below the surface. If you gotta verbalize it, it kills the mood.

                    • NonyaB?

                      I was actually asking you to define your artful courtship regardless of this case – we’re in full agreement that the guy was being a bloody cøckwaffle. Insecurity and immaturity of thinking you’re competing with and must be above your mate is not the move.

                      But I gather you like independent but “traditionally” minded women. Which is fine but implies that definition of “important shots” to be called are fixed. You say “an emotionally healthy chick has no problem letting someone else call the shots for once”. Why is it negative if she expects to call some or most of the shots? What of the flip side “an emotionally healthy guy has no problem letting someone else call the shots for once”? But since you followed with “and to not gender this up too much, a real healthy person has no problem letting the someone else make the tough calls”, I’ll assume you can apply this take to the former.

                      I see coupling as being about people with compatible variables meeting i.e. In general pool of important issues that affect a couple/household, person A wants a strong say in C and E, wants their input considered in Y (vs running it), is flexible about Z or T are addressed. Ideally, their partner complements this by wanting to run Z, T and Y while being neutral about C and E. Not unlike how person A can be neutral about particular habit/trait in B that would drive others up the wall an vice versa.

                      “If you gotta verbalize it, it kills the mood.” So, your G moves in silence? Carry on.

                    • Brooklyn_Bruin

                      I used to think like you – mutually coming together on shared values. But that’s not how things actually play out. And i’m just going to leave it at that and finish my Guinness.

                    • NonyaB?

                      Aiight. Happy TGIFing!

                    • La Bandita

                      You have to close the deal or eso para nada.

                    • Blueberry01

                      :slow clap:

          • NonyaB?

            Sounds like the fool looked up some PUA tips like “negging” (flirting/attention seeking through negative comments).

            • MsCee

              Lmfao never heard of it but it’s funny as hayle

              • La Bandita

                He sounds like a MRA. That’s one of their lines to put blk women in their place. It’s a racist organization obsessed w/bw.

          • La Bandita

            Wow, that was so much cruelty. Which is why I dont understand women who dont stan for other women.

      • Women need to stop fucking these types and maybe they’ll get the point.

        They don’t love us – they love pu SSy

      • grownandsexy2

        What happened? Ole boy wasn’t getting the attention he thought he was entitled to?

        • MsCee

          I honestly think he was used to dating slightly insecure women.

          • grownandsexy2

            Unfortunately, there are a lot of insecure women out here and they’ll be eaten alive.

            • MsCee

              I used to be one but after flgrowing up with a verbally abusive father then going through mine own abusive relationship…I’m literally Griselda Blanco out here Ms. Untouchable lol. I know all the signs.

              • grownandsexy2

                I don’t think parents realize just how much damage they do verbally abusing the young uns.

      • Blueberry01

        “I had a guy tell me recently that I seemed like the type that needed to be “brought down a notch.””

        I’ve heard this, too.

    • Glo

      YEP. If I like myself, isn’t everyone else’s opinion irrelevant?

      • NonyaB?

        Fools like to act like your #1 duty shouldn’t be to you.

        • charisma_supreme

          The Holy Ghost shout that just welled up inside me……

        • Other_guy13

          Why would it be when it could be them?

          • NonyaB?

            Yet they’d probably rage when you accuse them of being simple in the wrong ways.

    • lilylawyer

      The great irony is that when you find the path to that kind of self-acceptance (and my journey to get there is admittedly not a straight line), you become instantly more attractive. Confidence and self-possession are incredibly intoxicating qualities.

      • People love quick fixes…

      • NonyaB?

        Ain’t it though?

      • I_AmU

        The veil of viewing yourself through other’s opinions has been lifted. Now it’s not as important what you look like on the outside. The the essence of who you are is projected.

    • Your Mama

      slow clap for all of this, sis. funny this article came out today after I see Tyrese, self-proclaimed Manologist *eye roll*, all over the internets for bashing women for clip ins, wigs, lashes and such. Yet nobody is telling these fools to stop filling in their hairlines and beards with sharpies and getting their rotten chiclet teeth replaced with those horse-sized veneers.. we let them live.

      • NonyaB?

        Right? That ashy fool spews so much bullsh*t from his mouth that his azz is perpetually jealous.

        • truthseeker2436577@yahoo.com

          Tyrese is notorious for his asinine, ignorant views.

      • “M”

        “Tyrese, self-proclaimed Manologist *eye roll*, all over the internets for bashing women for clip ins, wigs, lashes and such.”

        Not the white ones, I’m betting.

        *sips tea*

    • Gibbous

      Truth! Also, when you reach a certain age (whatever that age is for you) your give a F)!(%&!()$ breaks and you do what you want. It’s liberating.

    • Janelle Doe

      Love his lines:
      self esteem- it is the esteem of you own effing self
      My fav

    • Annalise Keating

      I got 99 problems buy validation from any man ain’t one.

      • NonyaB?

        Amen!

    • Blueberry01

      “When your self esteem doesn’t depend on others’ opinion, you can enjoy your life better, including deciding how you want to physically represent yourself at any time.”

      FACTS.

  • I Came I Saw

    “…in an attempt to obtain the homogeneous body shape of prized IG models”

    -looks at Malik, looks at article-
    -looks back at Malik-

    -goes back to reading-

    • Brooklyn_Bruin

      That last episode of Girls tho

      • I Came I Saw

        Yo. It’s gettin out of control and I am here for it.
        When Jessa was watching that last scene with Fake Hannah and Adam where he saves her?? Maaan…

        • Brooklyn_Bruin

          She schemed to get with Ol Boy, which is the most delicious part.

          I’m still wondering if Ray can make it work with Ms. Hermitage. Can a dude cure her of her self centeredness?

          • I Came I Saw

            Nope. Ray wants to settle down and Marnie and it ALL about the drama. You know Ray belongs back with Shosh once he gets himself together.

            • Brooklyn_Bruin

              1) what becomes of the Marnie’s of the world

              2) Gyal’s Dem – the Brooklyn Caribbean version

              What would we see?

              • I Came I Saw

                LOL I wanna write Gyal’s Dem. I, too, can look awkward in overalls.

                I’d put Marnie back with Desi, as that is what she deserves. I loved her fling with Charlie, I wish that hadn’t been so sad but I also loved that it was sad.

                • Brooklyn_Bruin

                  So you’re saying Marnie has no redeeming qualities and needs to me punished. I see, I see

                  • I Came I Saw

                    I just relate more to my inner Hannah. Marnie will be alright if you put a mirror in front of her swing and leave her be. As for the show, I’d give her a real recording contract and she’d start to forget about all these dudes. Dead weight.

    • That’s not even my type.

  • Michelle is my First Lady

    A friend of mine had the Lap Band surgery this week. 1) She had a mini heart attack on the table during the procedure and 2) she’s still in the hospital 5 days after the surgery. Why? The doctor secured the lap band too tight around her stomach, and she can’t keep anything down. She may end up on a liquid diet for the remainder of her life, because solids are too much for her body. At this point, we’re not even sure if the doctor can go in and fix his mistake. All this and my friend has a five year old daughter who looks up to her. I try not to judge other women’s decisions to improve their looks or their body, but is it all worth it?

    • MsCee

      Oh my God, that’s so terrible. I never looked into weight loss surgery despite my doctors encouragement. Shout out to weight watchers for helping me loose and keep off about 90 pounds! I have a 5 year odl too, and surgery was just too scary for me. I hope your friend can get her issues fixed.

      • Michelle is my First Lady

        Congrats to you! And thank you! I need to try out Weight Watchers — my job has a program with them, I definitely need to try it out.

        • Gibbous

          Took off 35LBS and they’ve stayed off 5 years later. The are always rated #1 or #2 of weight loss programs because they teach you how to eat YOUR food that you like and buy every day. You’re eyes will pop when you realize you’ve never seen a proper serving size of anything before.

          • MsCee

            All. of. this. I always say I’m like WW brainwashed because once you’ve been on it it’s like you are never the same again. I’m constantly reading labels and counting up points in my head.

        • MsCee

          Seriously give it a try. It really worked for me…and it’t the one time in my life that I’ve actually KEPT the weight off…they teach you how to retrain your mind…the body will always follow.

    • JennyJazzhands

      I hate those weight loss surgeries. Every one I know or know of that has had it has serious medical problems that stem directly from it. I had always thought that those surgeries were for people who couldn’t move like the people on my 600 lb life. Not for regular overweight people because of the risks.

      • miss t-lee

        The few folks I know who had had them have had madd complications.

      • Deeds

        I didn’t know you could get approved for it unless it wasn’t absolutely necessary like the people on my 600 lb life.

        • JennyJazzhands

          I know several people that have has it, insurance covered it and everything, and they weren’t that big. Now they have all kinds of health problems and have had to go in for subsequent surgeries.

          • MsCee

            I literally don’t know one single person who has had it and was successful at keeping the weight off and didn’t have any further complications. My mom said she wanted to look into it and I almost fought her lol.

            • Epsilonicus

              I know the opposite. I know quite a few folks who did it, kept the weight off, and had minimal complications.

            • La Bandita

              The surgery cant do everything, the person has to stop eating too and if they dont complications.

      • grownandsexy2

        My neighbor’s 37 year old brother died from weight loss surgery.

    • DarkSkint Dostoevsky

      Sorry to hear about your friend, I hope things get better. My Aunt had one of those surgeries, only because she wasn’t able to lose weight with exercise and diet due to the pressure her body mass put on her bones, Luckily it was successful but I understand ppl feeling uneasy about invasive surgeries. Most of the times lapbands aren’t approved unless a Dr. deems them medically necessary but not all docs are created equal

      • Michelle is my First Lady

        I agree – I’m actually surprised the doctor approved the surgery. My aunt had the surgery as well… she made it through ok, but decided to eat a cheeseburger a month later and it put her in the hospital. Most don’t realize how much of a drastic change that surgery puts on your body.

        • Brooklyn_Bruin

          ” decided to eat a cheeseburger a ”

          Seems the issues go deeper

          • Michelle is my First Lady

            Absolutely my aunt ain’t care lol. She wanted that burger. It’s like why did you get the surgery in the first place

    • Honestly… if she didn’t have the surgery and God-forbid had a health complication from her weight (perhaps a mini-heart attack) people would likely ask the same question, and say the same thing about her daughter. That’s the point of the post. Hopefully she comes out of it in good health, best wishes to her and her family.

      • Michelle is my First Lady

        Thank you, Maris. There were a few other health factors involved that I chose to leave out of my previous post that most likely brought on the heart attack. Prior to the procedure, the doctor informed her of these possible risks and suggested she lose the weight through proper diet and exercise. I’m actually surprised the doctor went through with the surgery.

    • LMNOP

      That’s sad and scary. I get why weight loss surgery might make sense for some people who have a lot of weight related health problems, but that’s no joke, surgery is a big deal.

      I hope your friend is okay.

      • Michelle is my First Lady

        Thanks LMNOP!

    • Digital_Underground

      My wife runs a lingerie shop. She spends most of her time getting women into proper fitting bras. As a result she hears everyone’s personal situations. She could write a book on some of the horror stories she has heard regarding cosmetic surgery. Honestly it can be really bad. And getting botched is way more common than people realize.

      • miss t-lee

        I can believe it. :(

      • Michelle is my First Lady

        It is so common.

      • Brooklyn_Bruin

        “My wife runs a lingerie shop.”

        She need to write a book

        • Digital_Underground

          She could. But it wouldn’t be what you think. Most of the women who frequent the store are not coming in for the sexy stuff. They are coming in for the functional wear. That’s where the store makes its money. Women who don’t fit conventional American beauty standards (most American women) have a hard time finding proper fitting underwear.

          • Brooklyn_Bruin

            I feel a business plan coming on

          • Ms.Moon

            A proper fitting bra is like a miracle on high. Back before my reduction I had been buying the wrong size bra I needed a triple D cup at that time I couldn’t find that size in the stores and I was wearing what I could find which was too small. I ended up bigger than the cup I was wearing at the time of my breast reduction but I could only afford 3 bras because they were more than $50 each and at that time I was a student so expensive bras were not in the budget at the time.

            • miss em

              Breast reduction surgery was the best decision I’ve ever made. It also made me wonder how/why the f do people get plastic surgery for fun?! That’s some serious mess to deal with for what?! Nah.

      • La Bandita

        OMG!! I got my b cups fitted by a professional like your wife and they look so good – a B+. She’s doing the work of Saint Guadalupe.

    • miss t-lee

      That’s one of the reasons I’ve told people that I’m against WLS. I’ve had it suggested to me, and I don’t put anyone down who has had it. However, folks need to realize at the end of the day–it’s still surgery, with serious risks.

      • Michelle is my First Lady

        Yeah, I’m not against her for going through the surgery. It just hurts my heart that should took a risk, put her life in someone’s else hands, and it left her in this position.

        • miss t-lee

          I understand. That’s rough. I’d be p*ssed at my friend too.
          I pray that she recovers.

    • Rewind4ThatBehind

      Jesus.

      It’s always these situations you’re warned about but swear you’d beat the odds, until it actually happens to you. She didn’t ask for this.

      • La Bandita

        Agreed

    • The surgery itself has crazy complications. My ex-wife had it before we met, and it still has knock on effects to this day. As a result of the scarring from the surgery, she was on bed rest for the last 4 months of her pregnancy. She’s had a whole bunch of other health issues in terms of nutrients levels and needing other surgeries as well.

      The sad part is that the surgery is the least of their issues. A lot of people self-medicate with food, and WLS is effectively forced detox. A lot of people who have had WLS end up doing a lot of crazy stuff, whether it’s with drugs, alcohol or $ex. (Real talk, if I had zero morals, I’d stalk WLS support meetings for…fun.) There’s also a lot of mental issues that get unleashed once the food goes away. It’s not a game, though they’ve done better in terms of screening compared to 10 years ago.

      • LoveTrenia

        Lots to unpack here. So many good points.

      • Janelle Doe

        Second paragraph first line… Has got to me often. Treating symptoms and not root causes… I know some people who got the therapy and the surgery but not too many and how do you replace the outlet of self- medication?
        What are healthy replacements? Like always ex-smokers who now run. (Though long term there has to be some downside on joints of all that pounding pavement too)

        • La Bandita

          That’s only if you run continous w/no weight training. Serious runners are muscular and that protect the joints. Off the couch runners get hurt.

      • MsCee

        That was deep. I can agree to the fullest though. I always tell people my weight loss journey was my therapy. I left a severely abusive relationship…and it was like every pound that left the physical body was a mental barrier broken. I can only imagine what would have happened had I not been able to exorcise (excercise? see what I did there?) my demons one at a time as opposed to being suddenly 100 plus pounds smaller.

      • La Bandita

        I dont understand. What would you find if you stalk? Just craziness that you don’t want or like.

        • L8Comer

          He likes craziness

          • La Bandita

            Ok, now makes sense.

    • La Bandita

      Yes, its worth it. Have you watched 600 lb life? Over a certain weight your body can’t take it. Fruit and vegetable diet for all blk communities – when Im queen.

  • Anonymous

    It takes too much to be an 8 in today’s world. I feel like most of the women we went gaga over in the 90’s and aughts would be completely overlooked as average in today’s entertainment world. The weave, layers of makeup, waist trainers and push up bras are too much. And women did it to themselves.

    • Brooklyn_Bruin

      I’ve often wondered if women could actually post a 6,7,8,9,10.

      Most men have trouble with what should be a simple exercise.

      • Very true. The lists would vary wildly.

        • SoonToBeMrs

          For me, as a woman, not speaking for anyone but myself and Jesus, it’s very easy to place a # on a man.

          • TheCollinB

            Yet women have laid down naked with this n*gga on purpose.

            • Brooklyn_Bruin

              10 kids can’t be wrong!

              • TheCollinB

                His name ain’t his name for no reason.

            • SoonToBeMrs

              I hope they deny deny deny.

      • SoonToBeMrs

        Who or what do you take into consideration when assigning these stats?

        • Brooklyn_Bruin

          Most men have a very good idea of how they rate women. The fun is never about why Rihanna is really just a famous 7, and how unnatural Nicki should not be in the conversation – but all the differences in the reasoning.

          • TheCollinB

            Rihanna might be a 3,000 experienced in person fam.

            • Brooklyn_Bruin

              Rihanna TM probably is. If she wasn’t famous, she’d just be RiRi

              • KingsCounty

                broke RiRi look wayyyy different then rich RiRi
                its wild what some money can do for ya.

                • Brooklyn_Bruin

                  Said 45 about his marriage to eastern European model

              • TheCollinB

                Are you saying sans her natural chutzpah? I get that she’s a brand but I’m telling you her natural energy might be like, super sayan level. She might could fade Goku.

                • Brooklyn_Bruin

                  Yeah I need her to turn down the moxy a bit. She is on deep fry mode, and I’m low and slow barbecue

              • Word. By chance, a friend’s cousin dated her back on the island, and while she’s attractive, she wasn’t OMGWTF hot.

            • Epsilonicus

              I feel like RiRi is a 7 looks wise but her attitude and approach to life bumps her to a 9

          • DM.

            No way Rihanna is a 7 lol. She’s a true 10

            • Brooklyn_Bruin

              Gotta back it up, can’t just drop #’s and pretend you said something.

              • DM.

                Point out her flaws then
                (She has none)

                • Brooklyn_Bruin

                  I didn’t know Chris Brown posted on VSB. Can I get an autograph for my baby sister?

      • Anonymous

        When I say “be an 8,” I just mean “meet society’s standards for being considered beautiful.” Too many demands. It used to be clear skin, nice bone structure, healthy weight.

        Now, it just seems like there are so many and even seemingly contradictory standards for what a beautiful woman should look like, few of which seem to have much prevalence in nature, but most of which, in theory, are achievable if, by no other means, through the creation of an illusion.

    • NonyaB?

      Nah, at best, women and men are complicit. Just like the error of pørn setting the standards for fxcking and certain beauty and grooming features.

      • Rewind4ThatBehind

        True. An audience is just as complicit as the entertainer.

  • SoonToBeMrs

    We are all vain in one way or another. If your vanity manifests in beauty, proceed without shame. But let me not hear no ghatdamn trust issues being brought up.

    • TheCollinB

      “We are all vain in one way or another”

      Word to Ecclesiastes

  • Wild Cougar

    This is so nuanced and well written. Thanks.

    • TheCollinB

      She got her bars off for sure.

    • SoonToBeMrs

      Hey WC!!!

More Like This