For all of our discussions on this site, we really haven’t talked about long distance relationships (LDR) much.
The reason for me is pretty simple: long distance relationships don’t work.
Period.
Anybody who tells you otherwise is cheating.
Or a woman who refuses to accept the fact that the man she’s entrusted her 700 mile heart too is getting his jalopy on with a pretty young bird every Tuesday while she waits for him to get home from his weekly “happy hour” with his boys.
Women have out of town boyfriends. Dudes have out of town “wifeys”.
I like putting things in quotes. “See”. That was fun. And by the way, is it me or are the VMA’s sucking? I stopped watching after about an hour so somebody please tell me it got better.
Anyway.
LDRs are only good if you don’t really want to be in a relationship but like to tell people that you have a significant other. It’s like being in a committed relationship without the commitment. Of course you don’t realize that until it’s too late, but who’s counting.
I’ve been in more than my fair share of LDRs. Basically, I made some bad decisions. But you know, initially, they all seemed like the right decision.
You know how it happens. You go out of town and hang with some friends who introduce you to some friends and one person stands out to you. Like a genius, you engage in conversations and next thing you know, you find common interests. You both like Pokemon or something. Then the laughs start and its too late to NOT exchange information.
Then the late night 3 hour phone marathons begin. At some point, you begin to ask yourself if it’s worth it to try the long distance relationship. The pros outweigh the cons. You neglect the running history of everybody you’ve ever known who’s been in a long distance relationship and that fact that maybe 1 out of 10 have worked.
But you and your LDBoo aren’t those other people. You all have something real. Really far…but real nonetheless.
So you keep going and it’s all good for a while but then that first argument starts. And the problem with LDRs is that you can’t have make-up anything, really. So you have to wait some time to see them again before you can properly make up. And in that time, it’s possible that another argument can erupt. You start arguing about things like dishrags. To make a long story short in order to have a proper relationship, one must be able to look somebody in the eye (and touch them) amidst a disagreement in order to properly reconcile.
LDR?
Not so much. Hell, in each one of my long distance relationships, they all ended in arguments and anger. Usually, at least one of us wanted to pull the other through the phone and strangle the dogsh*t out of the other.
However, due to the limitations of technology that was neither possible or advised by 9 out of 10 family psychologists.
Experience is the best teacher. This is fact. Yet so many people disregard history when it comes to their own situations. Somehow, we all think that we’ll be the lucky ones.
As a caveat, this isn’t to say that it is 100 percent impossible for LDRs to work, I’m just saying that its highly unlikely that most will work. Some of you may be in them now and it may be working well for you.
However, for most of us, here is one simple rule for relationshipping:
Wednesday is Hump Day. If you can’t hump on Wednesday, just keep them in the rolodex for out of town jollies.
For me, those are words to live by.
But what say you oh wise intellectuals, can long distance relationships work?
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST
Depends on the relationship.
Depends on the people involved.
Depends on so many things, really.
I am better at LDRs… Maybe because I have issues.
I agree with MsSula. It really depends on the people and the relationship. They’re really hard, but if both people are committed then they can work. LDRs are really tough, but they show you if the relationship is worth having because you’re forced to communicate with each other and can find out quickly whether or not you’re compatible.
I am better at LDRs… Maybe because I have issues.
one of my good friends told me that a long time ago. she said i needed LDRs b/c i had a lot of my own stuff to work out.
nevermind that this chick was batsh*t herself and while she was telling me this, she was ALSO trying to tell me that she was my soulmate. lol.
dames.
is this the girl you never met you, but was in luv with you? (a story you shared awhile ago)
nope…this is definitely a chick i know very well. i just found it hard to take her serious considering how many issues she had…lol.
just cuz she has her own issues doesnt mean she cant accurately recognize yours! lol
I agree. Depends on the people involved. Would it work for me? Nope.
it will work if one of you moves to where the other one is. Then it wont be an LDR anymore.
“it will work if one of you moves to where the other one is”
i agree. It has to have some type of destination, everything else is pixie dust and mini vacations.
im mad at the ones that never see each other. You don’t have a LDR you have a pen pal, stop playing.
“You don’t have a LDR you have a pen pal, stop playing”
Hilarious!
But truly, there has to be a definite plan on when to finally get together (after school, find another job, etc, etc…) unless all you want is the “pixie dust and mini vacays”. Which is not bad really when you think about it.
lmao @ penpal…you aint playin! if i see BOB more than i see you, that is not a good look.
i think conventionally, thats true. but i might be okay with LDR indefinitely. i suppose that means i dont need to be in no relationship at all….
Let’s sing “Kumbaya” together, dearie.
.
I have a bad case of LDRs.
i feel ya girl…but i know thats just my fear of commitment talkin.
*raises hand slowly*
I have a fear of commitment too. Let’s start a support group.
um…yeah. why dont i get back to you on that. i gotta check my schedule and stuff…
lol
“if i see BOB more than i see you, that is not a good look.”
I am going to use this as the rational to break off my pen pal “relationship” with someone in the next 24 hours
note to Panamanchurian Candidate…
I like putting things in quotes too.
oh no! no more pixie dust and mini vacays for you, IH?? *sheds a single tear*
well not with that candidate, he talked a good game but too bad all he did was talk. In the meantime another potential LDR stepped in and came correct, no talk, ACTION.
i guess ya gotta do what ya gotta do!
there will always be pixie dust and mini vacays!
I Believe! I Believe! I BELIEVE! I BELIEVE! I BE…
** lulling herself to sleep**
clap your hands if you believe!! so, any reason why youre going from LDR to LDR rather than workin on a relationship closer to home?
@Shatani~well you see in the next 8-10 months I am moving, either to pursue a Phd or moving to advance my career. So I have started dropping my resume so to speak in areas that I may be interested in moving to. So I figure if I purse a LDR for 8-10 months from where I am now when I move there half the work will be done. Its my own little sociological experiment.
“You don’t have a LDR you have a pen pal, stop playing.”
Funny…and very true.
Deev’s got it figured:
“it will work if one of you moves to where the other one is. Then it wont be an LDR anymore.
LDR MIGHT work if they end up in the same city SOONER than later. any LDR success found is negligible, full stop.
word.boogie.
i think thats where folks get caught up. the onlyiest way it can work is it if has a plan to come to an end.
it’s pointless to get into a relationship with somebody in LA if you live in NY if you all really have no plan to close the gap.
“it will work if one of you moves to where the other one is. Then it wont be an LDR anymore.”
very astute point and sh*t
I agree, both parties should be working toward being together. And I don’t mean one day, maybe kinda might live in the same city. I mean actively looking to relocate. Then chances of survival are good/great.
If you are in a LDR and either party is more than happy living apart, it is doomed for failure. And someone is cheating.
It may work. That was a part of the motivation for my most current move. Here I am 6 months in w/ as many family members waiting on me @ the crossroads. I find myself fianceless. It only took me some 4 months to amass so much tdrama. and people wonder why I may get testy. I think I’ma preface every interaction w/ this statement. Not to mention the ‘wanna be on my roster people’. I’M IN A HOLDING PATTERN MOTHER FATHER! BACK THE FAHK UP! **dusting off suit** I’m done venting now. N E body want to join the intramural kickball team?
Panama said “However, due to the limitations of technology that was neither possible or advised by 9 out of 10 family psychologists.”
Whoda thunk Darth Vadar would have been surveyed? lol
i think they can work if they dont start out as such. if youre in a relationship for a good amount of time and then for some reason it needs to become long distance, that has a better chance of working than when you met that fly honey down at spring break and youre trying to keep it up til the end of the semester….
i know of a couple who did better in their LDR than they did when they were together for a long period. they were both college deans, but their colleges ended up being in two different states (and halfway across the country)…it was a long distance marriage, and they were blissfully happy. they visited each other regularly and there was no cheating on either part (as far as i know)….the trouble started when he decided to leave his school and come back home to teach nearby. all hell broke loose! turns out, they really couldnt tolerate each other on a day-to-day basis. and now theyre divorced.
moral of the story: i want separate houses!
“moral of the story: i want separate houses!”
lol with bedrooms that connect…for easy access.
It’s so scary when what you describe sounds like the ideal marriage to me.
Tell me Doc, is it too late for hope?
i thought the same thing! i mean, you get to jet set frequently, get your lovin and then have your bed to yourself with no snoring partner hoggin the covers….it really sounded delightful to me. when he came back it was clear that their lifestyles were incongruent and he was really pushy about it, and she (not being the docile kitty type) pushed right the hell back. kind of a shame really…
so, in answer to your question. yes. its too late. lol
I don’t neccessarily think seperate houses is the key, but I will say that most people NEED time to themselves. This is damn near impossible with children in the equation. But if a couple who lived together had separate rooms in the house where they are free to go and get away from the other, this would help most marriages in my humble opinion.
i agree wholeheartedly.
I don’t neccessarily think seperate houses is the key, but I will say that most people NEED time to themselves. This is damn near impossible with children in the equation. But if a couple who lived together had separate rooms in the house where they are free to go and get away from the other, this would help most marriages in my humble opinion.
TRUE, so true..but if you dont have the space You have to have limits and boundaries and most importantly DVR/TIVO for a relationhship to last.
my mom thinks im nuts because i told her i would rather just not have cable if i cant have DVR…i just cant go back! i WONT!
For a marriage/live in relationship to work you NEED an extra room.Men need their ‘cave’ and women require a place to just sit and ‘be’.
can those separate rooms be separate bedrooms?? lol…i mean, i dont mind a little bootycall from down the hall. it’ll be fun!
I did that for 10 years, and I wouldn’t recommend it
“can those separate rooms be separate bedrooms?? lol…i mean, i dont mind a little bootycall from down the hall. it’ll be fun!”
would you actually call him too? or just maybe put a sign on your bedroom door that says “open for business”?
LMAO @ the booty call from down the hall. That’ll keep some spice in the relationship!
I think if you need to have seperate bedrooms there are serious problems in your relationship. I might like the food network and he likes ESPN so you either have 2 rooms with the same size t.v’s or your in trouble but at the end of the day, if you dont want to spend your most intimate moments (not counting sex) with your partner there is something wrong
@ champ, i might have an intercom system setup…maybe send him in IM like i used to do with my roommates in college. lol
@ shayD…i feel what youre saying, but is sleeping really that intimate? i dunno…maybe its just my experiences to date, but if i have to lay awake annoyed cuz broham is snoring like jackhammer, i’d just as well have my own room to retire to. plus i like to sleep in an “L” shape!
“NEED time to themselves”
totally agree. Even outside of a seperate “room of one’s own”, what about seperate thoughts, an identity and one or two hobbies.
Im sickened by couples who are connected by the hip and share a dam#n brain and want to call it yoked. No you’re co-dependant.
***that was my wet dish rag comment for the day***
yes…i agree, at least some semblance of an individual life independent of the other person is key to maintaining your own sanity and avoiding the gag reflex in everyone you come in contact with…
what about couples that share an email account? I hate them.
this is SOOOO annoying.
Are you serious?
BOOOO.
“what about couples that share an email account? I hate them.”
They TRULY need to get it together. I hate couples that become ONE entity. It is annoying.
GAG…
lmao! i cant stand couples that become a borg of sorts…they be tryin to assimilate you too! if youre incapable of a single independent thought, then youre enmeshed and that ish aint healthy!
To be honest, I think that would be the perfect set up for moi. I get tired of dudes real quick. I have this90- day limit going on, but I’ve noticed that the less time I spend around a guy that I’m with, the longer we last.
I think even if they start out as a “normal” relationship and turn into an LDR, i.e. he has to move for work, the chances of it imploding are HIGH.
I myself was a victim of a LDR…my boyfriend of a year had to move for work. He only went to St Louis. A 40 minute flight/4 hr drive from Chicago. And the ish was still hard. I went out and he couldn’t reach me. Fight. He went out and I couldn’t reach him. Fight. We never had these types of fights when he was in Chi. 6 months into the LDR portion of our relationship, it became unbearable and we split.
I’ve heard the urban myth that they can work but, so far, have only seen one actual LDR that turned into a lasting relationship.
“I’ve heard the urban myth that they can work but, so far, have only seen one actual LDR that turned into a lasting relationship.”
my parents began as a LDR, but after a year my dad moved to pittsburgh to be with my mom (he was from new castle, pa). like someone else said upthread, someone making the move is usually the only way something like this can work
Exactly. Someone has to make a move, and only after you both have decided that you want to be together. This is how it can work, if both parties are on the same page.
It can work. My BF and her husband were dating LD for almost a year. She finally decided it was serious enough to move to his location and they got married a year later. They’ve been married almost 7 years now, so it can work if you’re willing to make it work.
Usually it’s one person doing more than the other, and there is where it falls by the wayside lol. (ie see my 90%/10 % example below).
And in the case of the couple I know that made it from LDR to marriage…someone moved.
“my parents began as a LDR, but after a year my dad moved to pittsburgh to be with my mom (he was from new castle, pa)”
awwww….that’s so sweet. i won’t apologize for my sappiness, i’m a girl d@mnit!
tani most successful relationships seem to be defined by sticktuitivity and maintaining (amongst other things) romantic and/or sexual connections. when these connections are broken, intermittent or sporadic then it diminishes the chance for “relationship” [i.e. marrage, committed etc.] to have a real chance at maintaining mental, spiritual and romantic connectivity. consistent physical proximity does more than it’s fair share of enhancing the possibility of creating the ideal. (even if it kills the relationship [ironically])
u might wonder: well how much is enough consistent physical proximity? more than less, thats for sure. the less physical proximity u have the more chance you have of cultivating what i call a situationship juxtapose a commited monogamous relationship.
1 black mans opinion
…and yeah there’s a point where too much physical proximity can kill a “relationship.” ..but u can create space within a city or house etc., easier than u can erase miles and leave a life and job to visit someone only to inevitably leave them again. physical proximity provides the proper amount of accessability needed to help create the circumstances for a crack at “long term” which appears to be the main definition/ingredient of successful relations.
“and yeah there’s a point where too much physical proximity can kill a “relationship.” ..but u can create space within a city or house etc”
YES!! My mantra is that I cannot be perpetually under someone’s nutsack cuddling and sh*t. I need a bit of space to, you know, have a life, see people, do stuff.
LDR can work if there’s a ‘friends with benefits’ kind of feel to it.
If everyone can act like an adult and play with ‘helmets’, its all good.
Or if you’re like me and don’t have the patience for someone who lives in the same city/state as you.
once i get past that early stage when i want easy and immediate access to the man in question, i think i could work with a LDR….but if im feeling neglected in the early stages, im less likely to continue it.
but i think FWB is ideal for the LDR.
but is FWB really a “relationship”?
yes…we relate to each other in a sekshual way. where theres relating, theres relationship.
yes…we relate to each other in a sekshual way. where theres relating, theres relationship.
there is a fallacy in that argument somewhere.. LMAO….
“there is a fallacy in that argument somewhere.. LMAO….”
just one?
“sekshual way”
..ok its bed time 4 me LOL.
“but if im feeling neglected in the early stages, im less likely to continue it.”
whoop there it is…
“but i think FWB is ideal for the LDR.”
i agree with this, actually. its easier to compartmentalize
Word.
Very true. Plus people don’t feel all extra neglected. When they in town, the the vertical limbo and when they not, find someone else to backward boogie with.
I dont think they will work. I have tried several times and it never works. WE all have to admit as part of wanting to commit to someone has to do with actually being with that person, kicking it with that person, touching, feeling, etc. So now you are committed and it’s a purely audio relationship for like 80% of the time. That person wont be there to go to parties and boring social events, like weddings and family fish fry’s. You don’t have any one to cuddle up with and on the weekends when all of your friends are out getting drunk and having a good time you are at the house phone boning/joning and then getting utterly depressed and drunk by yourself which then leads you to fall prey to the “friend” that has been hanging on waiting for this moment to slide in and cheer you up with his d*ck. Your SO is doing the exact same thing and then after these slight indiscretions you both try to act as if nothing happened and you love each other and that moment of weakness will never happen again. But what actually happens is now you become so ridiculously jealous and suspicious, that all of your time is spent arguing over why he got out of class at 3:15 and you called at 3:30 and he wasn’t there or vice versa and the trips home or to see each other are become even further and further apart. The slight indiscretions have become more regular and usually 1 surprise and desperate visit from either party tends to blow the lid off the whole nasty affair which then causes the LDR to end in assault and or property damage…
*wishing i had a friend to slide in and cheer me up with his dack*
le sigh…
Personal experience…maybe?
LMAO.. could you tell Monk? But for real, I think LDR’s are a cop out. People say they are hard and they are but not as hard a face to face joint. Its hard dealing with a person everyday in all of their moods and the day to day stress that living entails. LDR’s let you put your best foot forward all the time. You are able to create a fantasy world where only you and he exist. You can tell them what you want to tell them. IF you are in a bad mood, its easy to say let me call you back. LDR’s are the “if you love relationships you’ll love this” off brand version of commitment. Thats why the end so dramatically, when the fantasy falls apart and you realize that your princess or queen is a regular a$$ ninja’s with faults and issues like everyone else and the relationship you have been waiting and stressing yourself over is the same ol bullshyt you been had only now you done spent thousands of dollars riding/flying cross country.
well, i wasnt gonna say nothin, but it sounded REAL personal! lol…i didnt wanna tax you as you recovered from the ice show.
but yeah, i feel your point…im definitely feelin some dollar store commitment right now.
well, i wasnt gonna say nothin, but it sounded REAL personal! lol…i didnt wanna tax you as you recovered from the ice show.
LOL girl dont hold back.. but apparently I did need to relax relate and release..the lessons learned once you leave the classroom, I tell ya…..
“Thats why the end so dramatically, when the fantasy falls apart and you realize that your princess or queen is a regular a$$ ninja’s with faults and issues like everyone else and the relationship you have been waiting and stressing yourself over is the same ol bullshyt you been had only now you done spent thousands of dollars riding/flying cross country.”
i spared myself the cost of flying across the world *USAF stand up*. i got the dramatic c u n t break up for free.
“But for real, I think LDR’s are a cop out. People say they are hard and they are but not as hard a face to face joint. Its hard dealing with a person everyday in all of their moods and the day to day stress that living entails. LDR’s let you put your best foot forward all the time. You are able to create a fantasy world where only you and he exist. You can tell them what you want to tell them. IF you are in a bad mood, its easy to say let me call you back. LDR’s are the “if you love relationships you’ll love this” off brand version of commitment. Thats why the end so dramatically, when the fantasy falls apart and you realize that your princess or queen is a regular a$$ ninja’s with faults and issues like everyone else and the relationship you have been waiting and stressing yourself over is the same ol bullshyt you been had only now you done spent thousands of dollars riding/flying cross country.”
in a nutshell and sh*t
*JERUSALEM BELLS*
“..which then leads you to fall prey to the “friend” that has been hanging on waiting for this moment to slide in and cheer you up with his d*ck…”
I wouldn’t mind being cheered up by somebody’s, d*ck right about now
*walkin away to slap myself for writing that*
Suga-i have found that often times this is the cure to what stresses me.
suga laments:
“I wouldn’t mind being cheered up by somebody’s, d*ck right about now”
CHEERS!
“you to fall prey to the “friend” that has been hanging on waiting for this moment to slide in and cheer you up with his d*ck.”
dyck consoling..that’s the oldest trick in the book. LOL
but its crazy how soothing it is! lol
**co-sign**
LOL Assault and property damage? really?
LOL Assault and property damage? really?
LMAO..Really
Quick question to Panama. What’s the title OT is referring to?
(Forgive me if it’s obvious, it’s late at night and I am having a major blonde moment)
I am thinking Out of Town..lol
how bout Over Time…or…Off Topic? Old Testicles?
“Old Testicles?”
LOL!
“Old Testicles?”
hilairity…lol
“Old Testicles?”
Chaff chaff old chap, that was quiet amusing i do say, go on than old sport!!!
“Old Testicles?”
this made me choke on my morning bailey’s and toast
Patron makes a (Patron xo cafe) coffee flavored tequila. I am going to slip some in my coffee one morning and see how it works for me
dotn add any sugar cause its sweet as hell. almost liek syrup…
It just stands for Out of Town.
I don’t like to make anything easy. Coming up with random titles and stuff makes me feel important. lol.
“Romance is the possibilty of a thing..” Darius Lovehall- Love Jones…
LDRs are the possibilty of a real realtionship… I think people “try” distant lovers to feed the romantic monster deep inside them..”feed me Seymour”( Little Shop of Horrors.hehe ) with the idea of a relationship…
Why pay $1200 for a real Gucci when you can have a Rucci for $20?? cheaper to beep her ( anyone still own pager? )
I agree P, to say your in a LDR sounds good- but aint nothing like the real thing…BUT nostalgia can be DANGEROUS..Crazy & Deranged even
“Romance is the possibilty of a thing..” Darius Lovehall- Love Jones…”
You are my new best e-friend for using that quote.
well hello e-homie ( :
It’s not that the LDR can’t be real…but there are some riders/rules/caveats that have to be taken into consideration to make it work:
1) budget – the people involved must have the means to travel to see one another, at least on some regular basis. “See you when I see you” doesn’t the LDR make…that instead is just your out of town creep.
2) communication – JUS T like if the relationship was in-town, or across town, some regular schedule on the phone, e-mail should be established. The term “relationship” also entails talking to your beau/boo more than just the times that you’re flying into town to hook-up. Yea, fellas…I’m talking about those “just because” calls, where you HAVE TO SAY stuff like, “Oh, I didn’t want nothin’…I was just thinking about you.” (augh!)
3) future – yea, eventually…somebody’s gonna have to move, ’cause the longer you do it, the more attached you’re gonna get. And eventually, that distance is going to get old, and mad tired. Recommendation…do it or at least talk about it before the “where is this going” conversation drops, ’cause then it might be to late.
———————
Just my $0.02, from that “hood bradley” (thanks for the label, Champ.)
i think budget is what was really good for the couple i talked about earlier…they are both pretty well off. frequent flights halfway cross the country was no big deal for them.
when only one person is visiting the other (whether they are the only one thats able to or not) there begins to build a resentment and a feeling that youre putting in more than youre getting out.
Copy that, ‘sha.
It’s like an e-mail that’s misinterpreted. When you can’t see someones face, the actions carry more weight. As a result, “even” li’l things like INITIATIVE matter.
uhhh sorry for typos and total lack of punctuation… I just got back from seeing high school musical on ice and I think I lost like 250 brain cells….
dang, your IQ musta dropped like 12 points…you better go read a book!
hsm on ice? wow! and I was trippin’ today cause I kept having to hear the same three songs from HSM2… I feel your pain
yes… on ice and to my suprise it was both hsm 1 and 2….
double whammy! seriously, go read something. even if its the back of a cereal box. i dont want you runnin round here in the Borderline range!
AAAWWW!! Poor Shayd! I can FedEX you the Anthology of African American Literature to reverse any effects of HSM. But it will have to be overnighted b/c those brain cells ain’t lost YET. Just displaced. When you read something intelligent and un-YT teenager, it can be fixed.
I am amazed you didn’t slit your wrists in the middle of it.
Go get an Exorcism done as soon as possible, those images will haunt for a while….Gaaad damnnniiit.
Don’t you just hate those gayishly smilin, singing,dancing motherfuggers!! i do realise it’s for a much younger audience, but the idea of my little brother watching that shite freaks me out, i have no probs with The Powerpuff, Dexters Lab, Jonny Bravo, Codename Kids.., Spongebob, Captain Planet, Power Rangers etc. but the Thought of HSM and Hanna Montana being watched by someone of relation to me freaks me out….ooooh child!!
Bless you child, hope you get well
I feel like you need to explain why you went to see High School Musical on Ice. I want to believe you have a good reason…but I can’t come up with one. lol
I have a six year old daughter who has grandparents that decided it was a great idea to buy her tickets to go see it but conveniently they had planned a weekend excursion so we (husband and I) had to take her. I think it was their way of getting back at me for not getting baptized.
LMAO!! It was definitely their payback, Shayd. Cuz thats jus terrible!
“I just got back from seeing high school musical on ice”
i’m assuming that by saying “high school musical” you meant “the dark knight” and by “on ice” you meant “at IMAX”. this is the only possible interpretation i’m willing to accept
“i’m assuming that by saying “high school musical” you meant “the dark knight” and by “on ice” you meant “at IMAX”. this is the only possible interpretation i’m willing to accept”
this got a huge chuckle out of me.Well done.
and me as well LOL
I just got back from seeing high school musical on ice”
i’m assuming that by saying “high school musical” you meant “the dark knight” and by “on ice” you meant “at IMAX”. this is the only possible interpretation i’m willing to accept
does it help that I have seen The Dark Knight and I did see it at the IMAX ?
I don’t feel like LDR’s can work in 94% of the time. Those other 6% percent are individuals who are able to commute to see each other once a week.
For example, if one has a job where they work some distance away, but their weekends are usually free and they come home, then it’s highly possible (depending on the loyalty and will-power in the bond).
However, if the party that works out of town starts skipping weeks and sh*t, then that spells the beginning of the end.
I don’t feel like LDR’s can work in 94% of the time. Those other 6% percent are individuals who are able to commute to see each other once a week.
For example, if one has a job where they work some distance away, but their weekends are usually free and they come home, then it’s highly possible (depending on the loyalty and will-power in the bond).
I totally agree with this, in order for the relationship to thrive there has to be regular physical (Not necessarily sexual) contact. If you guys are only seeing each other every 2 or 3 months or less, those joints are doomed.
the secret to a good LDR is having two parties that actually enjoy talking on the phone. It also wouldn’t hurt to invest in a good webcam and get naked every once in awhile. This is also recommended for same city relationships as well. I say use technology to the fullest!
woohoo! webcam nudity makes the heart go fonder!
you know, its funny…im not much of a phone person. given the choice i would rather text/IM than talk on the phone, generally. however, i have found that when im into a dude, i wanna hear that voice all the livelong day! ive had a couple of instances of also being with a “non-phone person” who was on the phone talkin about nothin for 4 hours a night….
“however, i have found that when im into a dude, i wanna hear that voice all the livelong day!”
so you wanna talk all day, but you dont wanna see him?
nah…usually if i wanna talk all day then i wanna see him too. i was just saying that non phone people can quickly turn into phone people when the right person comes along…
“I say use technology to the fullest!”
do you now? Do tell Miss P, do tell. LOL!!!
he he he…
for some reason i just imagined Omar from the Wire saying “do tell Miss P, do tell.”
Shoot, some dudes got some sexy voices. And why IM and text me when I can hear your sexy BASS over the phone??
If you sound like a pre-pubescent teenager, then thats a different story. You better put them fingers to work b/c I’ll get annoyed by the tweaking.
“Shoot, some dudes got some sexy voices. And why IM and text me when I can hear your sexy BASS over the phone??”
Yes, lawd. if you sound like a 13 yr old boy pre-puberty and you’re a 25yr old man….call me in the morning, thanks.
LDR can work on the basis that any relationships work (I’m sure I’m missing stuff, it being 12:48am and the first day of school) – but, communication is key.
All “unforced” relationships are selfish.
Tell me what you want and I’ll do the same. If you can give it to me and vice-versa then cool, let’s “be for however long we can be.”
“let’s “be for however long we can be.”
I like this.
Couldn’t take credit if I wanted to… Love Jones – Larenz Tate in like the last 5 min. of the movie….
that movie does have some classic lines
yeah it does…AND IT’S STILL OVERRATED.
i couldn’t resist pissing off the Love Jonesians.
Yeah…I still don’t get the fascination with that movie.
BOOOO.
Yea, you do…we ALL do. That flick was CLASSIC. It’s an inspiring love story, w/ some very realistic questions that EVERYONE on VSB has either went through w/ a friend, or dealt w/ them themselves — yet, at the end of the day, it’s just celluloid.
Still, as long as men will wax about “making you dream archetypes of Black Angels in flight,” and women will muse of “dancing a bright beam of light.”
“i couldn’t resist pissing off the Love Jonesians.”
Yeah thats how I felt when I started roasting Prince in the last entry.
i agree….i tried to watch it at least five times before i saw it all the way through without falling asleep. their relationship was so illogical it made my head hurt….but i guess the irrationality of love was the point of the movie.
I can’t believe we are quoting this movie all willy-nilly people. Granted, it’s classic, but the fake poetic mannerisms of the cast were a hot azz mess. I have a really hard time taking any of the quotes seriously.
“Granted, it’s classic”
“the godfather” was a classic. “blazing saddles” was a classic. “bootytalk 48″ was a classic.
love jones was no bootytalk 48
We all have a different list of classics, and Love Jones is not even in my top 1000.
Well clearly love jones can’t compete with booytalk 48.
I’ma hafta see about this BT 48…see how it measures up. lol
Love Jones is a classic.. I mean all movies dont have to be realistic.. look at casablanca, breakfast at tiffany’s, the Last dragon….Love Jones is right up there even though I hate the pseudo deep intellectual what is high, what is Higher? fake a$$ poets that this movie spawned
i am SO MAD you said The Last Dragon…lol!!! Why was that sh*t on sale at Ralph’s (grocery store) last week for $9.99? I had to tell my girl about the time I was so in love with Taimak, that I wrote him a letter (at the age of 8 ) and professed my undying love for him. I’m “special”, sue me.
Love Jones was great in that at least we got to see some young black folk who were in love and not shooting ish up. lol.
One of my favs but I am working on a blog about how it was bad for (black) relationships. NOT a good date flick. lol.
I think “Love Jones” was one of the worst things to ever happen to Black relationships. Not only did it make women expect all these smooth talking poets will come in their lives, but it placed the bar on a level so high that there is no way any man can come close. We looking for our “Love Jones” when we need to realize that its a Utopian look at the convoluted world of Black Love.
“Love Jones” is why Black women are increasingly single. lol. Ain’t no Larenz’s around writing poetry about people on the first date. Get over it.
For this comment, Thai food on me Luvvie…lol.
Love Jones” is why Black women are increasingly single. lol. Ain’t no Larenz’s around writing poetry about people on the first date. Get over it.
I think the problem starts with the women who look at these romantic movies and then base their whole idea of relationships on them. The movie isnt the problem its the woman who choses to bask in the unrealistic light of love and relationships shown in movies/books and do not have realistic romantic aspirations
“it placed the bar on a level so high that there is no way any man can come close.”
really though? honestly, i can’t remember the details of the movie. but didn’t they do some jacked up stuff to each other? he might have been a smooth talker, but i don’t remember him setting the bar very high. i put him in the same box as the wesly snipes character in that terry mcmillian remake with sanaa lathan…..so far from ideal!!! but, like i said, my memory of love jones might be distorted….
Kalia: I would agree…the bar was not set all that high in the movie.
I think the real problem lies in the wooing…and women gettin all mad their man does not woo them the way Darius wooed Nina…
Well actually there are but being an artist is a tough road…Denzel tioled for three long yrs before getting on St Elsewhere..Mo Freeman didnt get on til 37 so what “Love Jones” did was cut the artist obligatory struggle and deal with the romance. In real life how many men or women are gonnna wait until their “boo” is discovered? And as one in the film business its real tough…women not in the business just think sex is what you do for breakfast. Then there is the matter of what ever creative feel your into. Its hard work to write any thing halfway good..and if its real good look out. A dude mentioned The Godfather movie it was a 350pp+ novel written by Mario Puzo..dont you wonder the state of mind an artist has to be in to create such things? So IMO what Love Jones couldnt show was art in any form aint romantic at all…the romance is making seem so.
whats a forced relationship? is that like a shotgun wedding or arranged marriage type situation?
forced is anything withstanding family… like the mother/father and child relationship is not necessarily selfish (at least its not supposed to be… at least from the parents perspective…)
but any thing “we” make happen bf/gf, husband/wife, FWBs, ect… is selfish from break ie., you have something I want or I think I need and I am willing to give you some/most/all of what you want or think you need to get it. Hopefully the trade is acceptable and we can make it work.
oh! okay, i feel ya…
“forced is anything withstanding family”
Shoot, some familial relationships are forced too.
this is true…
Like Deviant said, unless one involved party is planning on moving, LDR’s don’t work. Otherwise, you just have a LDL, a Long Distance Lover. They’re great!
I envisioned Tony the Tiger.
oh, they can be delightful! nothing makes you want to visit a destination more than knowing youre gonna get some tail when you get there.
“nothing makes you want to visit a destination more than knowing youre gonna get some tail when you get there.”
I vote that this be the theme for the VSB BBQ…
what I meant to say is that some country with a bad rap and low tourism rate should really start using that as their slogan.
it’s late y’all! my brain shut down an hour ago
“nothing makes you want to visit a destination more than knowing youre gonna get some tail when you get there.”
I vote that this be the theme for the VSB BBQ…
……………………………………
i agree i think “long term” with no plan they end up being cop outs. It takes all involved out of the emotional game and off the hook to actually engage in a grown up relationship.
I just started on my 2nd LDR, the first one still doesn’t know I have moved on. (I hope he doesnt read VSB).
lmao! you just line em up and knock em down, eh?
he he he….
no not at all
**playing bashful and innocent**
that is not at all how it happend
LDR #1 just took too long, I needed to move on or I was going to IMPLODE and with school just starting I couldn’t take it out on my students (poor things, my class is hard enough)
you dont fool me with your innocent act! lol….well, let em down easy, wontcha?
“line em up and knock em down”
if rumor’s correct, the intellectual hedonist has this engraved on her bed’s headboard
“if rumor’s correct,”
Rumor is never correct, that B*t%h been after me since grade school .
“Rumor is never correct, that B*t%h been after me since grade school .”
LMAO!! That jus made me cackle.
and she told me that was about dominoes
@kamakula ~ I cant believe you would do me like that.
And I was feeling all bad about the time and effort going on into rebuilding your vehicle. **SMH*** and this is how you do me?
I think LDRs are the way, us, fear-of-commitment gals, get to tell people “See? I’m not really that bad, I actually have a boo”… Not consciously of course.
Because, there has to be a reason why all the men I am actually interested in live in a different locale…
In my case, it might also be a syndrome of having lived and moved around so many places. Like right now, I don’t live in a place I call home… So having a bf in that city doesn’t mean much since I might up and leave within the next couple of years. I think until I decide to call a place “home”, even the in-city relationships I have can be considered LDRs…
thats an interesting point…i havent found a place to call home yet either, since i been in school all my damn life. plus, um…philly dudes…um. yeah.
Damn, why does Philly get so much hate on VSB? Ya’ll should just hate on Harlem . . . I mean it is the birth place of Jim Jones and the chicken noodle soup dance.
LMAO @ IH!! U a mess!
did u get your tshirt girl? I did. I’ll be modeling it on myspace as soon as my camera is returned to me. I’m still working on my exclusive GK design!
he he he…I’m also waiting for my vsb invoice to get paid.
that right Patt:
“I’m still working on my exclusive GK design!”
honored!
…and i’ll be waiting to profit share and more than willing to invest…
holla, and be sure to spell my name right.
heh, heh, heh (inhales) whooooo!
of course i’ll spell your name right. (folks who can’t spell-especially names- is one of my biggest pet peeves…i’m working on this)
i’ll let you know when it hits the boutiques.
you didn’t ask me, but i have mine too and i been meaning to put up a pic of me wearing it online…
but my plan changed to walking around DC and taking random pictures of famous people with me wearing my t-shirt.
unfortunately, most of the famous people in DC are old white lawmakers. and i wouldnt recognize 99 percent of them.
homeless people it is.
“homeless people it is”
***SMH***
“you didn’t ask me, but i have mine too and i been meaning to put up a pic of me wearing it online…
but my plan changed to walking around DC and taking random pictures of famous people with me wearing my t-shirt.
unfortunately, most of the famous people in DC are old white lawmakers. and i wouldnt recognize 99 percent of them.
homeless people it is.”
i already have a couple stories concerning my t-shirt, that i’ll probably share as soon as i figure out a way to type em without the comment getting blocked
“homeless people it is.”
Pmoney, you’re a mess. Although I got you hands down on homeless people in Westwood. I could probably get like 20 photos today alone.
@ Miss P, I actually am expecting my shirts this week, I just saw my UPS guy at the coffee spot and told him to hit me with a text when he delivers them. I have big plans form my VSB shirts, BIG PLANS! My world tour starts in 185 days, my plan is already in motion.
dayem!!! world tour??? word? I wanna go!
In March Im driving home to RI from Seattle… I could swing thru and pick you up
yay!!!
why on earth would someone willingly go to rhode island?!?!
The gospel according to Mr.Jackson.
Chuuuch!
and let the chuuuch say, “yaymen”
I can’t do it because I just don’t do the phone like that and I refuse to have an IM relationship. Plus once one of you miss one of your scheduled calls all hell breaks loose…. I thrive off of physical contact both sexual and non-sexual, I like spontaniety which is damn near impossible in a LDR, everything has to have an iteinerary, plane, blah blah blah… I have seen people do it successfully but not for da kid…
I thrive off of physical contact both sexual and non-sexual, I like spontaniety which is damn near impossible in a LDR, everything has to have an iteinerary, plane, blah blah blah
***prevailing word world outreach center***
Word World is that SHOW! My baby niece has made me a PBS expert.
“I thrive off of physical contact both sexual and non-sexual, I like spontaniety which is damn near impossible in a LDR”
what so like sending him a text right when he gets off work that says “meet me in the private webcam room” can’t be spontaneous?
They don’t work. Men.. me included.. are only as faithful as our options. I’ve done a drive by on plenty of women who in a LDR. And they keep it a secret. For everyone woman who says they have a LDR.. I’ll show ya one who’s giving it up when no one is looking.
Eathan discloses:
“For everyone woman who says they have a LDR.. I’ll show ya one who’s giving it up when no one is looking.”
u just stepped on some tampons. enjoy the fury.
heh, heh, heh (inhales) whoooooo!
“u just stepped on some tampons. enjoy the fury.”
i just hope they werent used…and he wasn’t barefoot
Nastiness.
That was nasty. But hella funny.
Thats just uncouth
I survived through one successful LDR…I mean it was successful while we were away from each other. I was away at college and we met during the summer when I came home. I figured it wouldn’t last but I did like him so when he passed me a note that said, Will you be my girlfriend? Circle yes or no” I circled “yes” and gave the relationship a month and a half to last(I had various boos waiting on me back at the school house). BUT, when I got back to school, I missed him terribly. And we stayed together an entire year while I was away. I then moved back home and we lasted 2 more years after that.
Even though it was successful, I will NEVER EVER do it again. It was torture. I trusted him completely (he didnt trust me though but i just ignored him when he got out of hand…one pro of LDRs: you can ignore the hell outta somebody when they’re acting up), BUT I hated being away from him, I hated missing him, I hated going that long without affection or intimacy, I hated going home alone after the party, I hated being alone, since in a way you could say that i was PHYSICALLY single. Oh, and this was back before cell phone plans had 1000 anytime minutes for $30, so yeah our bills would be sky high.
Even though that wouldn’t be the case nowadays, I still would NEVER EVER do it again…EVER EVER EVER EVER! LOL I dont think they’re worth it. I dont believe in soul mates or “the one”. I believe that there are people every where who could possibly be “the one”, so i say, I’ll just find “the one” who is in my city.
“I trusted him completely (he didnt trust me though but i just ignored him when he got out of hand…”
that sounds like some strategically misplaced guilt to me…
Sounds like it, doesnt it? I think it was moreso because I had a lot of male friends and he knew i had boos back at school before we hooked up, so he was always scared i would get snatched up. And his trust issues didnt let up when I moved back, even though we were together 24-7. He was just insecure, which led to our eventual break up.
But maybe he WAS cheating. He sure was good at it, if he wasnt faithful lol
I remember this right here…especially the six hour all night marathon calls…phone bills were RIDICULOUS until we both got unlimited ld plans.
“And by the way, is it me or are the VMA’s sucking? I stopped watching after about an hour so somebody please tell me it got better.”
Welp hate to say it but the VMA’s still sucked. I swear after Britany Spears won Video of the Year..i yelled some explectives and turned that crap off.. Who in the heck decides this shii???..and when did crackheads who lose custody of their kids get “hot” again?? MTV was really trying to turn her lil po’ career around..lawds
Oh and on the LDR tip, ive done my fair share of em..none of them really worked out and you learn from ya lessons and move on.
And after awhile you tend to think all the people in your area have some serious mental problems and wonder how things are in another area.
So i can see why people try to see if the grass is greener..but it usually ends up being more like astroturf..lol
The VMAs were a complete BORE! I did a recap on my blog today. Y’all should check it out.
http://liffy.blogspot.com/
WOMP to MTV and the producers.
can somebody tell me how Mary J blige got nominated for a hip hop award? and how Britney won those 3 awards and lastly what the he.ll was Kanye talking about in that song? He just gone sing a whole song now? I mean didnt we learn from Ja Rule the lesson of taking that singing shyt to far?
I did like that host dude… but maybe I am just a Obama fan..
aja says:
“So i can see why people try to see if the grass is greener..but it usually ends up being more like astroturf..lol”
aja, i’m wanted in 10 different universes and excel on grass, turf, clay and all surfaces.
i go where i’m good and good wherever i go.
heh, heh, heh (inhales) whooooo!
“i go where i’m good and good wherever i go”
@GK this will be engraved on my tombstone but for now I think I will create my own tshirt
“i’m wanted in 10 different universes and excel on grass, turf, clay and all surfaces.
i go where i’m good and good wherever i go.”
Kinda like Captain Kirk huh? Breakin green ladies hearts as you travel thru the stars..lol
honestly, i had no idea the vma’s were even on. i cant even blame this one on my cave though…them sh*ts are irrelevant.
All I know is my two favorite teams played yesterday, and I was excited with the outcome…lol.
Ya know? People: screw the VMAs…it’s football season.Bears kicked some Indianapolis bootay.
(and, no, the win did not make up for the Super Bowl loss. But I was glad the Bears lost that one cuz they beat my beloved Saints. Saints fan first. Bears fan second.)
STEELERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes!!!
miss t-lee…we got some haters up in here man.
I see that, but It’s all good. I know JBoogie is mad cause the Texans got stomped, a small part of me was upset, but the bigger part was glad the black & gold whooped arse.
BOO HISS @ the Steelers!
boo hiss at the steelers? are you mad woman? miss t-lee, champ hold me back! *taking earrings off and applying vaseline to face* …lol
It’s all good Miss P. Chillax.
*giggles* i would be less of a texan (and houstonian) if i didn’t support my home town mayne! but um, real talk, big ben and crew did a heck of a job yesterday!
holla back– its football season. screw everything else!
I’m not going to to tell who my team is, but suffice it to say we are KNOWN for being the most OBNOXIOUS fans …. we booed Santa Claus and shoot Cowboys fans on sight.
Eagles?
Yes ma’am
Can’t wait for that Monday night game to get crazy sloshed and sing that stupid fight song that is ONLY sung well when the proper level of inebriation is reached…
and then call out from work on Tuesday
“Can’t wait for that Monday night game to get crazy sloshed and sing that stupid fight song that is ONLY sung well when the proper level of inebriation is reached…and then call out from work on Tuesday”
I love football.
Redskins?
she’s talking about the state of philly.
I was just trying to remember all the teams that hate the Cowboys…lmao
Philly…alright, I do remember that now.
Ummmm WHO DEY!?!?!?!?
And Im running for cover, since we can already add the Ravens to the list.
Unfortunately the Lions “played” a “football-like” “game” yesterday, in which anybody who knows football knows how that turned out.
GO FALCONS!!!
all I had to say on the topic has already been said, so I took the perfect opportunity to post the above…
My Steelers played the Texans. But since I’ve been a Steeler fan longer, I was going for them.
I haven’t watched the VMAs since like the early 2000s…I’m a little old for MTV now, and besides, they don’t show vids at the time I’m actually home now. But which vid did Brit an award for?
yeah, im pretty sure the last time i tried to watch was when it was on 9/9/99….
LDR’s? hmmm I had one for a couple yrs. Started a new relationship right b4 deciding where to go to college, and i decided to stay with the girl even tho she was goin to college in the heartland of PA, while I stayed in jersey. It was cool for all the reasons listed above…almost all of them. We had great vignettes of a relationship while physically together. However, I think we both had wandering eyes (and possibly hands), which coupled with a knack for being flirtatious did us in.
Long story short, LDR’s don’t work unless you have groundwork that is built and stable prior to the introduction of distance. I knew my co-experimenter since the age of 13, so we had a better chance than some.
I dont agree that LDR’s are cop-outs on commitment, however I do think they are sophomoric attempts to keep a person w/in your own sphere.
-www.mrswagger.com
“We had great vignettes of a relationship while physically together”
vignette has always been one of my favorite words.
thats all i have to say right now.
I’ve been in a few LDRs and they didn’t work out. It wasn’t because of lack of trust or anything like that. It’s just hard to pick up where you left off when you see that person again. Sure, you talk on the phone, you IM and text and all that jazz. It’s not the same. What about when you want some company? (not just sex, although that’s important). You’re not really involved in each other’s daily life. Half of the reasons why you choose to be in a relationship become moot if that person is halfway across the country.
The fact that my last LDBoyfriend never made an effort to visit me (I always had to visit him) didn’t help either.
No more LDRs for me.
“The fact that my last LDBoyfriend never made an effort to visit me (I always had to visit him) didn’t help either”
“Yeah the last kat I tried to talk to (LDR) tried to pull that ish. I visited twice and told him eff you, I’m done. 90%/10% lookin’ boy”
the fact that “lookin boy” has entered everyday vocabulary really warms the cockles of my heart! lmao
HA! “90&/10% lookin; boy” Funny,….. Unequally yoked lookin boy…lol
“Unequally yoked lookin boy…lol”
LOL!!!!! I love this.
” Unequally yoked lookin boy…lol”
OMG…medic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“Unequally yoked lookin boy…lol”
i just choked on my own hair laughin at that ish!
Normally I would agree with you panama, but today is a new day! I’m starting one in October. It’s all part of my master plan. Ive got ff miles and a job. So what that’s he’s 1000 miles away, right. And I’d like to believe he’s different. Actually he is different and not in jail different. I’ll update you on it’s development. So far, so good. And scene.
I’m bullsh*tting y’all…or am I? Stay tuned…
um…how you starting the relationship on a schedule? lol…i just envision ya’ll sittin in your respective homes with syncronized swatches (shout out to Parker Lewis!) talkin bout, “aaaaand go!”
Parker Lewis?! DAYUM!!!!!!
Loved that show.
i love a good time out in a show! parker lewis had that ish on lock…but zach morris was a real close second!
yeah i was wondering that too…how is it possible to plan when to start a LDR???
does he know?
yeah of course he know… he he he
me thinks ms. p needs more people
Mos def. I hope she has a choir on standby
i got my people and my choir…(shout outs to both!)
i’m always gonna need more people as far as y’all concerned, cuz i look so daggone innocent. luvvie, champ, p-money i’m the girl next door remember?
As much as I would love to comment, I am going through a break up and can’t really muster up the energy to talk about “relationships.” Maybe I’m just having a day…o well, maybe I’ll be back!
awww, im sorry! *e-hug*
here are some more e-hugs for ya. Break-ups suck hot arse.
As Is…If you need any throat punch services, just let me know…
sorry to hear that homey…chin up, lass.
AAAWWW Sorry, As Is. e-Hug! Should I FedEx you some Bailey’s Irish Cream Ice Cream (yes it exists. Best thing EVER)?
um…where do i get it??? i need this to happen tonight, if possible!
Nah, the couple of times that I’ve tried a LDR, it didn’t work. It’s something about being able to see somone more than once every two weeks or so. I’m not extra clingy or anything, but if I don’t see you at least a few times a week, I start to think I’m still single and you know what single people do…lol
Not my cup of tea.
out of sight, out of mind!
Exactly.
Peace everyone, I wanted to say that LDRs are just tough to maintain, afta awhile u r gonna want to hold someone instead of talking by phone or even on web cam, they start out strong but that physical distance eventually catches up and u find someone else.
you know, perhaps it just speaks to my lack of technological savvy, but i’ve never even once considered using a webcam during any of my LDRs.
then again i have one now and i never use it either.
i suck.
web cams are a tease…
Some people are mad innovative. I’m not going through all that…lmao.
LDRs can work if it’s temporary. I wouldn’t recommend it for long-term relationships.
The last LDR I was in resulted from the fact that my boyfriend at the time went into the military. Our relationship eventually dissolved into a friendship.
“The last LDR I was in resulted from the fact that my boyfriend at the time went into the military”
this is a blog topic in itself: how do military mates deal when their sign. other in on duty?
I agree. The shyt doesn’t work unless:
They start out in the same place long enough to build a strong foundation AND the separation is for a pre-determined time. Anything else is some hopeful bs.
Another thing…what is the distance that it officially becomes LDR?? For me, my home telephone (yeah I have one cus it’s part of the Comcast triple play) has a 240 area code. Long-distance to me is the God aweful 571 area code. That shyt is somewhere in VA–I’m not exactly sure where. Yes, I can drive there. But it’s a far drive. I only mess with 410, 443, 301, 240, and 202. I have to really like you to consider a 703! I guess what I’m saying is that anything more than a 30 minute drive is a LDR and some BS!
i like how you broke it down in area codes. I’m not a 571 girl either. Thats when things get a little too country and rural for my romantic tastes. 571 is much to pumpkin patch-ish.
thats funny! cuz my area code is from boston, so local (philly) cats with home phones and junk cant mess wit me, unless i make all the calls! lmao
I guess what I’m saying is that anything more than a 30 minute drive is a LDR and some BS!
girl, you lazy.
and does that 30 minutes account for traffic or is it just the Google Maps Time For Travel without traffic requirement?
If we can’t get to each other faster than a pizza, then it’s a long distance!!
That’s rediculous. you could spend longer than 30 min in traffic trying to get from Chi’s south to north side. Or maybe the traffic is rediculous? Pending weather time of day and stuff n stuff.
See and that’s the point. Once you factor in traffic, the return on investment isn’t enough to add another 30 minutes to an already 30 minute drive. I end up spending two billable hours just getting to and from my sweetie’s home? Eh. Nope. Why start that? Cus the minute we have any issues I’ll be like, “Oh fug this. And your ass lives far!”
i like your reasoning!
i mean, im surely not messin wit no north philly cats (im in west)…that drive is FAR too much of a hassle! lol
I agree that in the DMV some relationships can be long distance. If I live in Annapolis and you live in Reston! I mean that is terribly far especially since the metro doesnt go that far. LONG DISTANCE! .. its for the birds.. even if its in within 68 miles round trip.
“Another thing…what is the distance that it officially becomes LDR??”
i don’t think it’s measured in distance as much as time (ie: “amount of time per week/month your distance allows you to see each other”)
i’d say that seeing each 4 times a month or less is officially a ldr
And if his ass lives more than 30 minutes away, that new man smell will wear off real quickly!! I already have enough miles on my damned car!!
Oh and let a MF (usually former NY-ers) try hit me with some non-driver BS. Anyone tryna date me who doesn’t have a car is considered a long distance even if he lives across the street.
Disclaimer: If I REALLY like someone, I’ll make an exception to all of this.
When we really like someone, ALL of our logical skills and relationship rules go out the window!
If you’re not even willing to try it out then you dont really give a damn about what it is or what it could be.
Dom:
You know what? If I give my number to a dude and his ass calls me from a 571 area code, I don’t answer because I don’t know anyone way out there. I won’t call back UNLESS I met him through friends–cus I figure I’m going to see him again. I hardly would get the opportunity to get to know him enough to decide he’s worth it. Now, if the guy has ‘The Cool’ (Sista Toldja, 2008) and I’ve spent time around him, then his ass moves to the bad area codes, I could be swayed…So long as it’s a straight shot from his house to my job…But since I work from home a lot, proximity to the job doesn’t help sway me. Yeah the way I do the math, it just doesn’t make sense nor does it make dollars. And we all know if it doesn’t make dollars, it doesn’t make sense.
and there lies the point…common sense be damned. even the infallible hostess will drive to Leesville if the object of her affection floats her boat.
quick ghetto question: If we can’t get to each other faster than a pizza, then it’s a long distance!
what if no pizza delivery place will deliver to you? and you can walk to the carryout. so they don’t deliver…
Infallible?? You mean like that bright red lipstick Beyonce has on in that commercial??
“what if no pizza delivery place will deliver to you? and you can walk to the carryout. so they don’t deliver…”
Your ass lives in the hood. You should not be worried about dating. You should be worried about stacking chips to escape or cleaning up your community. Call me when you have a Starbucks within walking distance.
BAM!
“Call me when you have a Starbucks within walking distance.”
Dying.
There should be some official look into the effects of gentrification on male/female relationships.
LMAO! not a lick of sense!
“Anyone tryna date me who doesn’t have a car is considered a long distance even if he lives across the street.”
lol…this made me choke on my pre-lunch butter pecan dessert meal
im feelin you on the non-drivers! i cant be bothered with that no mo! lol….i dont even want FRIENDS that are non-drivers!
My mom and new daddy were involved in a LDR for 6 years. They are hitched n sh*t now (been married for about as long as they dated now … i think … or it just seems that long).
She lived in Newport News, VA … he lived in Charlotte, NC. Thats roughly like 550 miles or something. I think why there LDR worked out so well is they still saw each other every week – and if not every week, no more than 14 days went by where they didn’t see each other.
So to me a LDR will work if you are old and rich.
“hitched n sh*t”
i’m definitely stealing this name for the marriage book i’m gonna write in 9 years
just put a (c) Cheryl behind it and we will be GOOD
old and rich surely does work! just rich works well too.
are they really that bad ppl? the person i kinda wanna be with refuses to even attempt an LDR bc he swears they do not work…
“are they really that bad ppl? the person i kinda wanna be with refuses to even attempt an LDR bc he swears they do not work…”
yes they are.
but this brings up a very simple means for stating the problem with LDRs…
how can you “be” with somebody you can’t actually be with when you want to be with them?
i would rather try and fail then to never have tried at all.
Awww, you ‘cliche looking gal’…. (jokes, jokes)
::snicker::
“i would rather try and fail then to never have tried at all.”
and isnt that what love is all about?
(28) was my reply to you.
lol, i figured that was for me. i’m not in the business of convincing… but then where do me and him go from here? just drop everything?
You asking the WRONG woman lol.
…but since you asked.
I would say yes. Drop it. Drop whatever emotional, physical, se$xual occassional attachment there may be. If he doesn’t want you LDR as a girlfriend (with an end result) then he doesn’t need you ONLY on HIS terms either.
why are you the wrong woman? and i thank you for your response:)
i open this up to other people.. where do both people go when the LDR is not an option?
“i open this up to other people.. where do both people go when the LDR is not an option?”
new p*ssy and fresh d*ck
pretty much! if your only option is not an option then its time to move on…
“why are you the wrong woman? ”
Cause I usually fall on the “Girl, oh hel$l no ” side of most arguements.
i have no clue. one of my boys is going thru this right now. i told him specifically that he needs not do the long distance relationship b/c we know how its gonna end. hell, he’s been in a few and vowed to never do it again…but he isn’t going to listen.
i think you kind of have to just wean yourself off the other person…that you don’t see anyway. which basically means you cut back on calls.
i’m with you though, the mind is a powerful thing…and if you don’t try and you spend all your time wondering what could have been…eh…its a tricky situation…
lmao@pumpkin patch…
i guess it all depends on if you guys want it to work. if u wanna find a reason for things not to work, they dont.
its also good if you are gonna be gone for a finite period of time… that way you can expect something.
at the end of the day, you have to make the decision to be together in the same place at some point so you will know if you can do that or not sooner or later.
i agree. I wouldn’t get into the habit of convincing any man of anything. He should be tyring to tell YOU all the pluses. Not the other way around. If a man is really interested he will try anything once.
For me, 2006-07 was the year of the LDR. It definitely has its pros and cons, the biggest pro for me was that we were forced to work through our problems because we knew that if you just hung up the phone and didnt talk about it, it couldnt be solved. Soon as you get back on the damn phone, you yelling about it again, so why not just sit here and talk this thing allllll the way through. The second pro was that because all you do is talk day in and day out, you know a lot more about each other than you would know if close physical proximity was a factor. I don’t know about yall, but sometimes I’d rather cuddle/kiss/do the horizontal polka than talk to a mofo all day.
Everything else was a con.
I’ll never do it again.
“The second pro was that because all you do is talk day in and day out, you know a lot more about each other than you would know if close physical proximity was a factor. I don’t know about yall, but sometimes I’d rather cuddle/kiss/do the horizontal polka than talk to a mofo all day.”
i’m confused. these seem to contradict each other
What I’m saying is, because I COULDNT just tell him to shaddup while I jump on him (lol), it actually made us closer, thus making it a pro. Sometimes you’re so busy getting busy, that you do more damage to the relationship than you think, and for us being so far away, getting busy wasn’t an option, so we became close in every other way.
Sorry it came out all jumbled and such.
“Or a woman who refuses to accept the fact that the man she’s entrusted her 700 mile heart…”
—————————————
D@mn ‘P’,
I’m amazed ain’t nobody brought up that ny-y-y-ce Res joint, “700 Mile Situation”.
“I’m amazed ain’t nobody brought up that ny-y-y-ce Res joint, “700 Mile Situation”.”
probably only because 17 people on the planet have heard it, lol
Make that 18, I just youtube’d.
Decent song, but I was never really a Res fan.
Ergo, the state that the Black Music Industry is currently IN.
Ditto a.j…. I cried tears of blood when the second CD never made it out.
that was actually the reason I used 700 miles.
and Res’ album “How I Do” is great. in fact, at one juncture, i had that album in my car for a solid 6 months straight.
i mean i had a 6 cd changer in there but still, i refused to take it out. i love “700 mile situation” specifically too.
Res’ new stuff? kind of blows. And Santogold’s (chick who wrote most of Res’ album) solo album ain’t hot either.
If we define working as being in a ltr for a significant amount of time, then yes, they can work. My immediate past ex and I started off as a ldr (ex due to reasons not related to the ldr). We started off friends (and pen-pals lol). That lasted about two years. Then we started talking about taking things to the next level, he visited me one weekend to “discuss” particulars, and we took the plunge. Over the 8 months that followed, we made every effort to see each other as often as possible-we didn’t go more than a month and a half between visits (fin aid refunds be da bomb!) Then some things happened and we made the decision for him to move here rather than back to atl.
Now, here’s where one of the pitfalls of the ldr came into play. We went from mini love retreats to seeing each other every friggin’ day. Arguing about which side of the bed to sleep on, and when the TV should go off so I could sleep. Little shyt, but piled up, made a huge difference.
I personally think I did better in the ldr as opposed to the face to face thing…made things more interesting for some reason. It was hard to sustain monotony when you’re a person that gets bored easily…
“It was hard to sustain monotony when you’re a person that gets bored easily”
i’ve heard this refrain from quite a few women in here today. to this, i have a question: what romantic relationship has tons of endless excitement in it? do ya’ll really expect sh*t to be six flags/nba all-star weekend/avn convention every day, lol?
“do ya’ll really expect sh*t to be six flags/nba all-star weekend/avn convention every day, lol?”
I think some women, unfortunately, think a relationship is a nonstop barrage of grand romantic gestures. Not anyone here. The women on VSB all seem grounded.
But overall, I hear women complaining about how they don’t go to fancy restaurants anymore, etc. I’m like, “Dude put gas in your car. He cleaned the snow off it so you didn’t have to.” lol. It’s the little gestures like that some of us ignore.
I’d take an oil change over flowers any day.
“I’d take an oil change over flowers any day”
add to that cleaning my gutters and we have a deal.
Yes, romance to me is doing those things for me you know I really don’t think about (i.e. getting the oil changed, lol) or hate to do (i.e. dishes. (a dishwasher is a girl’s best friend) But I’ll cook.)
ummm…i was feeling the occassional oil change substituted for the flowers…but..um..this is a little carried away, Im sorry.
“I’d take an oil change over flowers any day.”
Yeah who the heck needs 8 dozen roses? They’re going to die anyway. Get me a giftcard to my fave shoe store instead, and the lace boyshorts will wait you on your arrival to the abode
.
nah, boo, it ain’t about endless excitement, at least not in my book. it’s about ninjas who don’t know how to occupy themselves and get hayle out of my face sometimes. EYE get bored easily. that’s just my nature. when i get bored, i go and find something to occupy me. i expect my partner to be able to do the same. i also expect him to have SOMETHING that he’s passionate about, be it sports, working on cars, playing video games, etc. i can’t do someone who sits like a friggin’ bump on a log, looking at me to tell him what to do next, or all up under me so i can’t breathe.
“i can’t do someone who sits like a friggin’ bump on a log”
negroes need hobbies.go do some ish, make me miss you, experience somethin so you can have new stories to tell. lol.
i am so feelin that….we on the same page JBoog. i think thats my only child showing…im very good at amusing myself and i cant stand people who need me to entertain them all the doggone time.
in fact, now that i think about it…the last dude i was seeing lives like 15 minutes away (damn non-driver!) and i still only saw him on weekends. i dunno…maybe im just young and selfish, but im not ready for that 24/7 ish and i dont know that i ever will be.
i’ve heard this refrain from quite a few women in here today. to this, i have a question: what romantic relationship has tons of endless excitement in it? do ya’ll really expect sh*t to be six flags/nba all-star weekend/avn convention every day, lol?
yes and these women with unrealistic harlequin romance style expectations are alone and questioning “where all the good men at”
Not really… Just that we (or I) get bored with ANYTHING easily… While in an LDR, I may complain 2/5 about the lack of “closeness” but the other 3/5 times, I am actually happy.
And nope, I am very far removed from the romantic side of stuff… I am more afraid of the “normalcy” side of things…
Worst nightmare: become a soccer mom in the burbs. Just typing this made me dry heave.
Was monotony a Freudian slip of monogamy?
no, i meant monotony. i have no problem w/monogamy…
It was a rhetorical question, just messing wit ya…. lol
I can say that LDRs have never worked for me. I do think you need an end plan to make it work but how do you start a relationship with an end plan in sight. That’s a bit creepy. That’s like starting to date a guy and saying, “so we have to get married in a year or this won’t work for me.” lmao
All that being said, I’m pretty sure they work for someone…I know people that have done it. Actually two of my closest male friends are married to people they were in LDRs with for years.
I also think the use of a webcam is overrated…I have had a LDR fight over webcam…but back in the day when the delay was terrible. Don’t do it people. You feel stupid arguing in a room by yourself…especially if the other person walks away from the webcam. And the delay makes you feel like the person isn’t listening or responding as quickly as you need them too. Actually now thinking back, it was probably very funny to watch for an outsider.
“You feel stupid arguing in a room by yourself…especially if the other person walks away from the webcam”
the image of some person in their pj’s screaming at a monitor at 2 in a the morning (while on a 15 second delay) just made me guffaw
Awful!! Don’t do it!!! Drama, frustration, cheating, hurt, more drama.
“Drama, frustration, cheating, hurt, more drama.”
in other words, the story of the “new england patriots”
In a world where winning was everything. One team had a dream, a dream that soon turned into a nightmare…
LMAO
Did you just go Do LaFontaine on us? LMAO!!!!
RIP Don.
“in other words, the story of the “new england patriots””
I am not at all pleased with this display of pouring salt in the wound. NOT AT ALL!
oh heck, i feel ya pain…i winced when i saw my boy get hit like that!
Its a sad day round these parts
BACK OFF DAMMIT! Today is NOT the day.
dang! leave my boys alone!
LDR do not work! PLain and SIMPLE.. eventually someone needs to move. OR someone needs to have frequent flyer miles or know a flight attendant..somethings gotta give. . I need to see you more than once a month.
i actually don’t know any flight attendants. i think this is one of those jobs that they give to martians who happen to be on earth, just because noone i know actually knows a real life flight attendant
My mom is one.
And she isnt a martian
So its accurate to say that we in fact, are the same?
First off I’m mad you’re watching the VMA’s when its opening weekend in the NFL and Entourage season premiered also. C’mon son, step it up.
As for the actual topic at hand, I’m just sitting back and reading comments. I would like a formal definition of LDR, because people here in the true northeast date each other throughout the 5 areas all crazy (NYC, NJ, Phil, Bmore, DC), its not uncommon at all to see people living in one of the 5 and having a SO in the other. They see each other every weekend or so. I’ve never thought of these as LDR’s because even if you live in the same city as your SO, with work, classes, gym..etc you’re usually seeing each other every weekend or so anyway.
@Dorian,
“because people here in the true northeast date each other throughout the 5 areas all crazy (NYC, NJ, Phil, Bmore, DC), its not uncommon at all to see people living in one of the 5 and having a SO in the other.”
Im slightly offended you left out the Southeastern NE area, SLIGHTLY…
I know right? I’d say Boston SHOULD be on that list, but you know we far as sh*t, stop playin!
Boston’s only on that list if you start in NY. I’d like to institute the 4 hour rule. If it’s more than 4 hours drive, it’s off limits.
DC to Boston is 8.
B’More to Boston is 7.
Philly to Boston is 5-6.
NY to Boston is 4 so its within reason.
Anything else is just uncivilized.
“DC to Boston is 8.
B’More to Boston is 7.
Philly to Boston is 5-6.”
All of those are a one hour flight if that with the way gas is, it is actually cheaper to fly. not totally unreasonable
Define unreasonable. I think $160 RT every weekend is unreasonable. Especially when I can put that $160 to use at a bar somewhere feeding some lovely young lady shots of Patron.
PVD to BWI 182 for a holiday weekend
PVD to Philly 191 same weekend
but wont you spend that much on gas driving round trip? i would much rather fly…
hey…but each of those cities have chinatown buses to and fro. and that’s what love is all about, right? the willingness and ability to take a $15 to $30 chinatown bus to see your LDR. they’re way better than greyhound. speaking of which, if your guy or girl is willing to take a greyhound just to see you…well, then you got yourself a keeper!
Hell yeah y’all far. In college I had a roommate who started talking to this girl who lived in Richmond, VA. Now we’re in school in Philly and shorty lives in Richmond!!! We’re like c’mon dog lets be serious. He tries to sell us the dream talking bout its only 4 hours away. Thats the same distance to Boston. In unison we all said “exactly, who the f*ck is dating someone in Boston!”
if boston wasnt just right on the water we might could work somethin out! (i like saying ‘might could’)
Dom don’t sleep Boston to MD ain’t nothing but an hour flight and if you are willing about an 8hour drive in Traffic, if your are creative meet half way in Atlantic City. Being creative is what makes the LDR a good thing.
I’m in AC this weekend. I’m just saying…lol
Dorian, honey don’t play with me, I am the Queen of spontaneity.
OOOOOO VSB jumpoff!! Make it happen so yall can have stories to share!
“even if you live in the same city as your SO, with work, classes, gym..etc you’re usually seeing each other every weekend or so anyway.”
i don’t know Dorian. Me and my girl live in the same city and pretty much see each other everyday.
and we don’t live together.
then again you could just be telling me that i have too much free time and need to get a life.
Yo I’ve always wondered how people see their SO everyday. I barely see my roommate everyday. Maybe I just need better time management skills.
you took the words right out of my mouth! that sound like a job….lol
“Me and my girl live in the same city and pretty much see each other everyday.”
Wow. More power to ya on that.
i don’t know Dorian. Me and my girl live in the same city and pretty much see each other everyday.
and we don’t live together.
then again you could just be telling me that i have too much free time and need to get a life.
my husband and I were like that before we were married. We saw each other everyday whether it be for lunch, dinner just stopping by etc. That didnt mean I was with him every minute on the minute and we still each did our own thing and had our own space. It was also something that occured naturally. There were no ingrained rules that we had to see each other or that any particular time was “our time”
awww….why do i envision P-money and his girl at the zoo everyday holding hands and looking at the baby pandas. Seriously, every time you reference your relationship, i flash to that pic of the panda and the kitty kat. I love it. Panama, you ain’t so tough, man.
No to be a stickler, but Baltimore and D.C. aren’t in the “true” Northeast. But I get what you are saying.
That reminds me of all the kids in college that go out of state and still have a partner at home. Some made it work by taking the Jesse Jackson approach on “Keep Hope Alive” or playing ignorant to the possibilities of the mice playing while the cat is away.
A LDR is just a emotional relationship. Eventually not getting your back blown out and toes curled will take it’s toll.
A LDR would only work if the people don’t really get along and the distance is keeping the piece.
“Eventually not getting your back blown out and toes curled will take it’s toll.”
i agree. i think it would actually be easier to go through a drought while single than to be in a relationship and not getting any
“i agree. i think it would actually be easier to go through a drought while single than to be in a relationship and not getting any”
This is gospel.
word! at least if youre in a drought it can end…if youre just not gettin it in the relationship, you dont even have any options
Champ and t-lee agree:
“i agree. i think it would actually be easier to go through a drought while single than to be in a relationship and not getting any”
u’d be suprised how it can become just as easy to deal with a “sexual drought in relationship” as when single. for example. although initially ur right, it will not compute and vex u to no end how it is that u are married and getting less sex than u did when u were single. how could ur S.O not want u like u want them but then u will cum to understand the dynamic and will soon be trying to reconcile how it is that u have less desire urself. (then with the fingerpointing contests but it’s more than what came first) sex drive in marriage begins to feel like a job instead of spontaneous passion. …the law of diminishing returns will contribute to this effect. nothing builds appreciation like scarcity.
people seem to be the lonliest animals in the universe. we can be drowned in a sea of companionship yet unfullfilled, desolate and continuously searching for expectations. so many circumstances conceiveably cloud the mind from optimizing the oppurtunities u have before u. too much is not enough.
keep living.
It is the most frustrating feeling ever!
To have a tool in your possesion and not be able to fix ish with it….sadness.
Extreme sadness.
say that, son!
aaaaaaaaaaargh, you guys are such naysayers and DEPRESSING ME!!!!! I am in an LDR, and i really didn’t want it this way – but what to do when you meet the perfect guy….who just happens to live across the atlantic?
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!! such grinches at VSB! i’ma prove you all WRONG! this is a love supreme – and we’re very open w/ one another, bad days and good – we’ve helped each other thru some pretty rough situations, (thankoo, Skype!) and are working it out – slowly, slowly…. stop pissing on my long-distance parade, damnit!!!
Across the atlantic???
I hope you mean atlantic division in the NBA, you live in Boston and he’s in Philly cuz otherwise, you might as well tell him to keep it wrapped.
“who just happens to live across the atlantic”
i was thinking the same thing…fantasy island for real!!!
“stop pissing on my long-distance parade, damnit!!!”
well, at least you figured out that it wasn’t rain.
i hate when people piss on parades period.
that’s alliteration.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!! such grinches at VSB!
A grinchh? I’ll take it.
“aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!! such grinches at VSB! i’ma prove you all WRONG! this is a love supreme – and we’re very open w/ one another, bad days and good ”
i like happy endings. make me a believer, bermuda triangle and all. work it out.
too many hurricanes in the atlantic this season, the weather forecast doesn’t look good
Well if there love can stand the test of hurricane Ike, Josephine, Keisha, Lawanda, Monica, Natasha…I’m running out of hurricane alphabet…..
then maybe its real.
Oprah, Pookie, Quiana, Ranaldo, Shante, Tyrone, Uma, Victor, Willimina, Xavier, Yolanda, Zander. LOL!!!
its not perfect if you cant just go see him. chalk it up as a loss. There are other guys.
i got your back superwoman!!! i got faith in your LDR. we’ll exchange notes at the end of the semester. how ’bout it?
@ superwoman: Skype is the bomb…also try windows live messenger/msn (better video clarity…so i’ve heard)
I love skype! no delay!
See, being a foreigner and having lots of foreigner friends, this is actually a pretty common thing in my circle.
One of my best friends got married last december. Her and the hubby lived for 7 years apart on two different continents. So they would probably see each other like once or twice a year if they were that lucky. After he moved to join her, they lived in the same city(and house) for 3 years before getting married… And it’s one case out of several.
It’s def doable. I have seen more of those than the reverse actually.
(i.e my parents were LDRs for 8 years while my dad was studying abroad and they have been married for 30 years now… again doable)
“most successful relationships seem to be defined by sticktuitivity and maintaining (amongst other things) romantic and/or sexual connections. when these connections are broken, intermittent or sporadic then it diminishes the chance for “relationship” [i.e. marrage, committed etc.] to have a real chance at maintaining mental, spiritual and romantic connectivity.” ~ Genius Khan
This hits the nail on the head. The problem with LDR’s is they require you to suspend some of the most basic human needs: the need to be touched and the need to have sex. As KIT (one of my favorite blogstresses) notes in her series on relationships, sex is second only to food in terms of human survival. It’s illogical for us to think that we can defy human nature and thousands of years of socialization and rely on technology (email, cell phones, airplaines) instead.
That said, I do think LDR’s can work, but I have to refer back to the idea of redefining relationships. You can’t really blame your significant other for daring to fulfill their need for sex when you are hundreds of miles away for long periods of time. If you cant handle that then you prob. don’t need to be in a LDR.
That said, I do think LDR’s can work, but I have to refer back to the idea of redefining relationships. You can’t really blame your significant other for daring to fulfill their need for sex when you are hundreds of miles away for long periods of time. If you cant handle that then you prob. don’t need to be in a LDR.
interesting point. what you’re actually suggesting is the “time together, time together, time apart, time apart” dynamic mentioned by jigga in the “girls, girls, girls” remix.
My favorite line in that song is he’s seeing a model/actress/part-time waitress, who spends her time at work with part-time haters.
Mine is
“to put this in laymen’s term, I gave her some knowledge, she gave me, brains in return, she had to drop out of college. All she does is homework, I give her in house tutoring, in and out I’m movin through her student body union.”
Yezzir!
That whole album is absolutely brilliant. The two “bonus” tracks are better than 98% of the singles that have come out since then in hip hop. In the other bonus track dude goes:
“I run the block, pull up in the drop, push up on my money, I’m in great shape dunny” Brilliant!
Best album of the decade.
Dorian, you get an e-hug.
Not just any e-hug, but a good, tight, back-rubbing one.
Woosh, Over my head…
youre not alone, dom!
I was in a LDR during the “Summer Of Sin ’07″. That should probably sum up my experience of them. I was in Detroit while she was in Atlanta. She was cool most of the time, but there were many instances where she p1ssed me off to no end and it probably wouldn’t have been like that if we were together physically. She always asked questions like these, but towards the end, they became everything.
“How come you don’t tell me you love me? My ex used to do it all the time.”- Her
“Oh….okay. I wonder why he’s an ex then..”-Not Really
“Why don’t we have thos elong conversations anymore?”-Her
“Because it’s the middle of the effing day and I got ish to do”-Not Really
“How come we don’t have phone s3x?”-Not Really
“Because I can watch p-orn and get the same outcome; me alone in my room with something in my hand..”-Her
I ended it by orchestrating a huge scandal and got out of the whole thing scot-free. That was one of my more manipulative break-ups
I’m interested in hearing more of this manipulation
It’s really hard to explain all of it, but basically, I got her to believe that she long-distanced cheated on me and lost my trust, even though nothing happened in reality
“I got her to believe that she long-distanced cheated on me and lost my trust”
No offense…but how bright could she have been for someone to have convinced her she did something she didn’t do? Do you have magical powers?
None taken. I think I attract ding-bats for some odd reason, and I guess it’s not that hard to trick someone with an intelligence deficit, but I do have magic powers. I was shocked that it actually worked.
Please use these powers for good and not for evil.
too late!
Damn, you said a few posts back that you were a young guy. You’ve had a helluva lotta experiences. And you always leave me wanting more details.
Please, continue *Leans closer to the computer*
Dr. Not u can certainly find some dumb 1′s.
it sounds like u made her understand how whatever situation that she was in could not reasonably be given the benefit of the doubt even though “nothing happened.”(sex) …therefore, making it plausible for u to break up with her and escape.
whatever the case, u be f*cking up with these softails Dr. Not…
what gives homey?
I’ve been in an LDR and seen two others be carried on for YEARS. All had different outcomes for different reasons. Mine didn’t work becase we were young, we went to college 1000 miles away from each other and, well dammit, we were freaks. We lied to ourselves and tortured each other for 4 years… waste of time. It also didn’t help that we were so freaking co-dependent…
My parents were in a long distance marriage (twice actually- the first time mom went to further her career and the second time my dad went to do the same) . Both times were when their marriage was the best it had ever been, because I think they are people who NEED time and space away from each other. I actually find myself and my husband are like that as well. We straight bounce on each other for a couple of days… I miss him like crazy and when we get back together… well *ahem*its LOVELY.
The last one has been going on for six years (damn!)– my best friend and her man met in med school. He’s in in one city doing a fellowship and she stayed in town where they had met. She ended up dumping him because he wasn’t making any moves toward committment and she started feeling like his expensive booty-call. That’s when he got the picture and FOUGHT to get her back. They’re still on what I would call a trial basis–he better come with a ring shortly or she’s bouncing. She really needed a plan and a timeline, while he was content to have out of town “wifey”. They are a prime example of each one not fully understanding the other’s expectations, and relationship implosion occurs (while this goes for all relationships, the distance truly magnifies the importance of this issue)
Won’t work for me! However it works for my ex-LDR. He is a professional at it! I don’t know him to have ever had a relationship in the same vicinity!
for some reason, that strikes me as troubling.
I’m living proof that LDR’s can work. I’ve been involved in a LDR for about 4 years now and I travel from Philadelphia to New York once every 2 weeks to see my LDR. It’s been wonderful relationship with no major problems, except when I can’t get a hold of my LDR on the phone. I’m also happy to say I’ve never cheated out of those 4 years, we have an exclusive relationship. Of course my LDR is actually my weed man that lives in New York.
“my LDR is actually my weed man that lives in New York.”
I say you get a t shirt
“Of course my LDR is actually my weed man that lives in New York.”
I love herbal refreshments.
F-Yo has an LDR weedman.
heh, heh, heh (ihnales) wheeeeeeee!
Dank. it does the body good.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymxrbEyqCbQ
Man I envy you so much lol.
Is there no good weed in Philly? lol.
ctfu
I quite sure there’s some good greenery around these parts, but the one thing like about New York is it’s convenient and consistency. I could be up in NYC at 3 in the morning and still find a good batch of the devil’s lettuce. Plus I like road trips!!!
No there isn’t officer. In Philly, we don’t do such things.
Lmao
This contradicts any post I have written thus far today. I posted this before on a previous blog here at VSB but it is worth repeating.
We have a saying in Spanish.
“Amor de lejos es amor de pendejos”
Gently put (translation) “long distance love is for fruping idiots”
I also have a saying that says:
“Distance is to Love what wind is to fire. If the fire is strong, the wind will make it stronger. If the fire is weak, the wind will kill it off”
Girl Scout 101 and sh!t.
I’m in a LDR and as I said up-thread in reply to someone else-w e are both working to be together.
In response to all you haters that don’t believe that LDRs work, I’m sticking my tongue out at you. You suck. I mean, what if you find a great person that happens to live in another place? Are you just supposed to let them walk away without giving it a go?
With the speed of travel and technology, some diligence, a lot of communication, and COMMITMENT I think it is possible to be faithful and happy in a relationship with someone in a different city.
Also, some of us tend to move too fast in relationship. A little mileage better parties helps to slow that down a bit. So you get to know a person before you attach (and it just prevents codependance)
LDRs ain’t easy, but are doable. You just gotta believe that the person is worth all the hassle. And really, that applies for the guy/gal that lives down the street. I still gotta make time to include them in my life and they just might not be worth the hassle.
“what if you find a great person that happens to live in another place? Are you just supposed to let them walk away without giving it a go?”
I am in total agreement with you. I am trying to keep hope alive!
“what if you find a great person that happens to live in another place? Are you just supposed to let them walk away without giving it a go?”
Yes. But I am a cynic. And I have commitment issues. So don’t listen to me. lol.
LMAO! At least you know.
and knowing is half the battle!
“Yes. But I am a cynic. And I have commitment issues. So don’t listen to me. lol.”
Girl, me too! And I’m trying to work through/with them
Hoping that I’ve found someone who is worth all the effort.
“what if you find a great person that happens to live in another place? Are you just supposed to let them walk away without giving it a go?”
I think so.
Philosofe claims:
“…w e are both working to be together.” (LDR’s)
i think we all agree that this can work. …and better sooner than later.
it’s that indefenite LDR sh*t that’s the problem, where u don’t know each other to the point of “working to be together.” that’s where ur fooling urself 9 times out of 10.
licks tongue out back atya…
LDR only works if you built a foundation first (in the same place). I had an LDR for three years, but that was after a year of same place relationship and years of friendship.
What I can’t figure is LDM (long distance marriages). I’ve come to know a few couples who live and have lived in separate states for years!
“What I can’t figure is LDM (long distance marriages). I’ve come to know a few couples who live and have lived in separate states for years!”
There’s a lady I go to church with who is in one these now. I’m always amazed that she lives here (TX) and he’s out in Cali. They see each other every few months.
Wild.
boo! i refuse to believe that it won’t work.
i suspect LDRs work best if y’all are the polyamorous type. then it’s understood that you’re together when you’re together and when you’re not, you’re not.
but then i’m new to this LDR-ish sh*t and figuring out how best to work it when we’re on opposite coasts, and is complicated by the fact that i own a house here.
i should prob. clarify in case he reads this … it’s not *yet* a committed LDR, but it’s definitely an “i’m really feeling you, let’s see where this goes” kind of deal.
The people of VSB are definitely a jaded group. I did an LDR all through college, and we saw each other every 2 weeks or so. Usually, he’d visit me and stay for a couple of days. It worked for me because it was the best of both worlds. Get black blown every coupla weeks and go back to being focused.
For LDRs to work, there needs to be semblance of intimacy somewhere. So those nightly phonecalls were life savers. Plus we were only 2.5 hours apart. If he particularly pissed me off, I took a trip to the Chi or he brought himself to my mini-town. We worked it out, made up and all was well. But thats just ME. I enjoyed not having someone all up in my biz was ALL times. Under nutsack perpetually = Makes me itch.
With that being said, LDRs sometimes mask flaws in people that you would notice more if you were in the same city. Those weird habits that make you tic are hidden. On the same token, certain habits are exaggerated in LDRs.
To all them peoples currently trying to make it work, I say keep the hope alive *fist up*. However, you’ve gotta learn when to say WHEN. If it’s a one-sided fight to make the relationship work, you’re headed to Dumpsville. Population: YOU.
The importance of being on the same page cannot be underestimated in an LDR.
That is all. I can’t believe I just wrote a non-Ignant statement. My Ig is backed up. I must go release it somehow now.
“Get black blown every coupla weeks and go back to being focused.”
I couldn’t read past this. Getting your back blown out every COUPLE of weeks is a positive? In who’s world???
I like that statement: “If it’s a one-sided fight to make the relationship work, you’re headed to Dumpsville. Population: YOU. “…..
yes guys – the atlantic! i’m in jozi, he’s in New York – and it’s just lurvely…. i’ll invite you all to the wedding when it takes place…heh heh – a girl can dream.
let me know if you wanna come for the joburg installation of the festivities (maybe we can plan it to coincide with the world cup – ha ha!) or stateside….
i’ve done it before – i can do it again…
i got your back superwoman!!! i got faith in your LDR. we’ll exchange notes at the end of the semester. how ’bout it?
thank you, Miss Patterson – you can be the guest of honour at the nupuals!!! ha ha ha! we’ll put you on ‘high table’ reserved for the V-VIP’s!!!
I just scanned the comments, so Im not sure if this was mentioned or not. While it’s my belief that in order for LDR’s to work, one party must move, on the flip side what happens if one party moves, and the relationship falls apart. Or if at the first sign of an argument, the party that moved to be closer screams, “I moved all this way just to be with you”. That’s a lot of pressure to put on someone.
I know a couple who dated in college. They were in a LDR for awhile and after a couple of years, the chick moved to be with him. Problem – her only friends are his friends, her only family is his family and so on. So now he’s resentful she moved down here and she’s resentful that she moved down her.
“Problem – her only friends are his friends, her only family is his family and so on. So now he’s resentful she moved down here and she’s resentful that she moved down her.”
I think Luvie said it best. LDRs can mask some flaws while exposing others. All of it comes to the light when you’re in the same house.
Her inability to have or cultivate a seperate identity wasn’t seen in the fairy powder until she came down to be with him. Lionel Richie sang “Love Will Find A Way”, but it will also find the problems you refused to see early on.
LDR’s are for people who don’t like to or care about having sex regularly…Kids are also for these people.
My happiest relationships have been LDR’s! I’m often busy with school and work, so it works out perfectly. Although my phone bill is usually the price I pay for long distance communication. I’m so used to LDR’s that it’s almost natural for me to enter one and be comfortable.
Yes, there’s the possibility of going astray and not being able to spend the most intimate moments together. However, not all men f up a good thing. I have my flaws too. Call me the Queen Sabotage or Instinct.
There are worse things than being far away from each other.
I’m rambling…Maybe I just like my space…
Ok, I’m out of the shadows cause this I need ot be speak on lol. Logic and Disney tell me anything is possible but from MY experience? No.
This summed it up well:
“Experience is the best teacher. This is fact. Yet so many people disregard history when it comes to their own situations. Somehow, we all think that we’ll be the lucky ones.”
LMAO, we do! I blame Hollywood and all that glass slipper bullsh*t from childhood.
That said, it is possible if both ppl wanna make it work. Aint no one sided relationship ever work.
If a tree falls in the woods and nobody is there to witness it, has it really fell down?
Our experiences are just that. Ours.