Opposites Attract…Until They Don’t: 5 things couples NEED to have in common

So you’re the person who’s going to take that last bunch of flowers, leaving my husband to come home empty-handed! I’m married to a great guy who, I promise you, is more unromantic than your fiance. Although I never get flowers or gifts or surprise dinner reservations, my husband once revealed that he thinks he actually is very romantic. It turns out that because we have so much fun together, he thinks just talking late into the night is romance. I’ve come to accept he’s right. So buy yourself flowers, maybe some lovely irises instead of roses, and be happy with your unromantic romantic.

The quoted text is Emily Yoffe’s  — the woman who pens Slate.com’s “Dear Prudence” advice column — answer to a question about Valentine’s Day and romance. The women who asked the question was concerned that her otherwise loving fiancee has never bought flowers on V-day, and I agreed with Prudence’s response that it doesn’t mean the fiancee’s not a romantic or caring person just because the woman has a different, more “traditional,” idea of romance.

This topic held special resonance because it’s an issue I’ve always had to deal with. If I’m with someone, I’m cool with going to the gym together and then watching Netflix and ordering take-out later. To me, that — that quality time spent with someone you care about — is the epitome of intra-relationship romance. But, as you probably guessed, the women I’ve been with don’t always share this sentiment, and I’ve spent countless hours trying to convince them that I genuinely consider “sharing Wendy’s fries while folding laundry” to be just as romantic as “candlelight dinner on the beach.

Anyway, while not sharing your mate’s idea of romance can prove to be annoying, it’s usually something most people can work past or learn to deal with. But, there are a few subjects that need to be completely congruent; things couples definitely need to have in common in order for a relationship to work.

Here’s 5 of them.

1. Libido.

One of two things usually happen when a couple with completely mismatched libidos gets together.

1. The person with the lower libido has to compromise and have more sex, eventually leading to frustration, emotional distance, decreased self-esteem, and, in some rare cases, thoughts of murder.

2. The person with the higher libido has to compromise and have less sex, eventually leading to frustration, emotional distance, decreased self-esteem, and, in some rare cases, accidental b*stiality.

Either way, any aspiring couple needs to know exactly where each other lands on the sex drive scale before someone (or someone’s dog) gets stabbed with a knife, fingernail, shank, or flaccid penis.

2. The idea of whether it’s cool to be friends with exes.

After listening to approximately 100,000 different arguments in the last several years about whether it’s cool for a person in a relationship to be cool with a person (or people) they used to sleep with, I’ve come to realize that there is no right answer to this riddle. Seriously, the battle of the Fexes (Friends with Exes vs Definitely NOT Friends with Exes) is just as bad as Palestinian vs Israeli, Montague vs Capulet, Michigan vs Ohio State, and T.I. vs Freedom.

No one can remember who hurt who first, but blood has been shed, wounds have been opened, lives have been lost, and visitation room hand jobs have been given.

3. The importance (or nonimportance) of personal upkeep and aesthetics.

While neither way of living is right or wrong, couples where one person doesn’t mind going downtown looking like a gotdamn f*cking fool and the other treats every outside appearance as if they’re about to shoot an Esquire spread usually end up broken up.

And, while some might attest this to other latent mismatched characteristics that cause these incongruent personal aesthetic outlooks, I think it just boils down to the fact that we just tend to want to be with people who “match” us in this regard.

4. Ideas of suitable food

Admittedly, this may just be a personal thing. But, a couple unfortunate bedroom experiences with the otherworldly nighttime farts emitting from the asses of vegan women has taught me that I need to be with a woman whose favorite foods all have parents, and I’m assuming that most people have the same food-based standards.

5. Feelings about children

Although we all have the necessary parts, not all people are meant to be mothers and fathers, and that’s perfectly ok. The world would be a much better place if more people realized this.

Actually, that part about “necessary parts” is a bit of a lie. While the majority of us have the physical capability to create children, not everyone possesses the traits needed to actually like and appreciate them. Again, this is perfectly ok, but if you’re not one of these types of people, it’s for everyone’s best sake if you avoid those who are.

Anyway, people of VSB, did I miss anything? Can you think of anything else that a couple needs to have in common for their relationship to work?

Also, do you even agree that anything needs to be congruent at all? I mean, opposites do attract, right? (Ha!)

The carpet is yours.

—The Champ

  • http://www.twitter.com/alanatoolie alana

    Yeah boiiii

    • tezzybaby

      Pops? aka mr. witherspoon kills me everytime

      • http://www.twitter.com/alanatoolie Alana

        “Makes my love go bang bang bang” *sigh* the joys of good primetime sitcoms of the the 90s.

  • http://www.twitter.com/alanatoolie alana

    What is this trickery?!?

  • Yoles

    i totally agree with this list… i want to add but my mind can’t even work straight because that picture is killing me ever so softly… i’m trying to not fall off the bed and smash my laptop but it seems to be a losing battle…

    • Yoles

      religious/spiritual beliefs… i’m not saying that have to be the same but they have to at least be adjacent! i’ve never seen a successful relationship with a jew and a wiccan, a satanic and a moslem, a serious christian and a die hard atheist etc…

      • http://www.twitter.com/alanatoolie alana

        I was just about to say this but you beat me to it. It is important that a guy I’m SERIOUS about shares my beliefs. Hence, I said SERIOUS. If I’m just shagging you, whatever. Hehe #dontjudgeme

      • MsEmBee

        Exactly! Interfaith relationships can and do work for some. If you’re both Christians and one practices more than the other, that can be compromised. Even a Christian/Muslim couple can find a fundamental common ground, but you won’t EVAH see the atheist and the evangelist living happily ever after.

      • Perfect Square


      • Cris Until I Find a Clever Name

        EXACTLY Yoles! My friend is an avowed atheist. He doesnt beat you in the head with this fact,but he will respectfully decline saying Grace at dinner. He personally has no problem with being with a woman who isnt athiest. What he has found is that he gets more acceptance from women deep into their faith as opposed to women who are pedestrian in their relationship with the Higher Power (example: Church on Xmas/Easter/Mothers Day)

        • http://invisiblemannakedcity.wordpress.com InvisibleManNakedCity

          I co-sign this. I dated a Cafeteria Catholic once, and she was far more offended by me being an atheist than my very religious current significant other. I wonder why this is?

          • Classy6ft5

            Mmmmm….so this type of relationship can work? I’m currently talk/f3@king with someone who is an atheist, and I was a little surprised by this discovery…I’m REALLY into him…..(on some long term serious stuff).

            the fact that he calls for God when I’m doing the deed gives me hope that there is room for change……

            but I’m not going to push the issue.

            • Racqs

              “the fact that he calls for God when I’m doing the deed gives me hope that there is room for change……”


              I have been in unequally yoked situations, and while I can’t say that any were complete atheists, even having different priorities about attending church on a weekly basis made things uncomfortable at times. As long as both people equally respect the other’s values, then you should be able to make it work. But if it’s a priority in your life to find someone whose beliefs are in line with yours, you have to acknowledge who should remain a fling and who’s worth the true pursuit.

              • j.ivy

                Good word Racqs…my sentiment exactly

            • WIP

              “the fact that he calls for God when I’m doing the deed gives me hope that there is room for change……”

              funny and inappropriate, LOL. I don’t believe anyone is an atheist anyway. I feel like eventually some fatal conflict will ensue in that type of arrangement though.

          • Sula

            I wonder why this is?

            My uneducated guess would be that one is following “principles” rather than faith… The other has faith so that faith is sustainable in and by itself… The cafeteria catholic would be lost if the “rituals” (what s/he associates with religion) are not followed.

            • k-steez

              good answer sula. and to add my uneducated guess, a lot of times atheists put a lot of thought/reading into spiritual matters, even though they don’t believe in the concept of God. so a deeply faithful person can very well have more in common (in particular the quest for truth/free thinking, an internal moral compass instead of an external one, etc) with an atheist than someone who’s moreso into the rituals/traditions.

        • Perfect Square

          Now this is an interesting idea…Now that you mention it I have seen this scenario, too.

        • coldsweat3

          LOL i think for most people who are atheist and or agnostic the issue lies most often with the religous partner and not the less religous individual. I think people hear atheist and assume folks are doing crazy ish with their time instead of just not going to church. As an atheist, i think the church puts too much emphasis on the unequally yoked concept than what would occur in reality. From my experience, alot of people who are atheist and agnostic grew up in Christian households. Even if that were not the case, WE ARE EXPOSED TO RELIGION DAILY!! Its not much of a sacrifice to be with a christian as we hear about Jesus and God even if when we are not going to Church. A good bit of the people as a result have usually the same basic values and morals so thats not an issue and lets face it if there were to be a couple while I may not believe in Jesus and she does if shes saying a prayer theres a 99.9% chance that I want the same thing she does cuz clearly thatd make her happy. Do atheists not want better health? Better finances? For there family to be alright? Of course they do, do they believe God will be the reason it occured, probably not BUT they want those things nevertheless and arent getting frustrated by people praying even if its their spouse. Lets face it, most “religious” people are just going through the motions anyways.

          • Sula

            i think the church puts too much emphasis on the unequally yoked concept

            But y’all are taking their bread and butter away! :lol:

          • http://tdlove.wordpress.com Tonya

            You might be right that it might be the person of faith who is a hinderance to a successful athiest/faith relationship.

            I had no problem with you argument, except with the casual way you describe a religious person’s practice. I would not necessarily have a problem with my husband to be not going to church with me or praying with me. But I WOULD have a problem with his not understanding or respecting my faith. For him to merely think that what I do to worship God was because I was praying for things or ‘just going through the motions’ would hurt me and I don’t think I could live with that.

            • coldsweat3

              This is precisely the point i was making where a religious person is the reason for the downfall and not the other way around….Im saying we are not concerned about what religious people do. Its cool, its not bothering us. I think people of faith think atheists are trying to attack christianity all the time, we are not. We deal with christianity on a daily basis, especially as a black atheist. Do you know how many side-eyes i get? There was a pew study that said 8 in 10 african-americans identify as “very religious” compared to 56% of the US population. Needless to say being a black atheist is very much social/dating suicide.

              I was not saying YOU YOURSELF were just going through the motions. I believe that you may truly believe in god, cool. Im saying alot of people who identify as Christians are going through the motions of just church attendance and not that they have a true connection to a higher being and actually do as the bible has instructed them too. Once again bear in mind alot of atheists were raised in church, we get the purpose, our families are religous were not going to chastise you. We probably wouldnt even care if our kids went to church, shoot we went to church so feel free to take the kids to get there sermon on as well. Matter of fact, id encourage it so they can identify with the rest of the 80% of the black population.

              To the folks below who were commenting on kids when it comes to teaching morals, values and ethics those things DEFINETLY transcend religion. As this is VSB and perhaps a good chunk of us are talking about dating other blacks those blacks have most often the same cultural connection to faith, regardless if they practice it themselves. Atheists aren’t going around slapping and murdering people, in fact they make up 2% of the prison population…So when it comes to raising children i think thats the least of your worries. The only potential problem i can see occurring is having your spouse tell your kids directly controversial information which can easily be deflected by saying “go ask your mother.” and hey when the kid is old enough to debate id hope wed want our kids to hear several sides of how the earth was made.

              • Cris Until I Find a Clever Name

                @ Coldsweat: you sound just like my friend. He even said to me that he would drive his woman & kids to and from church,just dont make him go in.
                He had a long term girlfriend (pedestrian Christian) that said that she had to be with someone who believed in God if they were to be married.
                7 years later she is still single and told my friend that she did make a mistake. Just because my friend is an athiest did not mean my friend loved her “less than” a man who did believe in God.

                And yes: he was raised in a very religious Haitian household.

              • DQ

                Umm… naw pimpin, you said:

                *Lets face it, most “religious” people are just going through the motions anyways.*

                I don’t think you’re going to be successful trying to retroactively convert that statement into a “well I didn’t mean you specifically” argument. It is a reflection of an attitude among many atheists that has not once failed to manifest as hostility towards faith-based activities in my observations (anecdotal though they may be, they are numerous).

                The casual indifference to Christianity that you are trying to ascribe to atheists (IMO) would be better observed in a person that makes no attempt to assess real vs. actual spiritual engagement of any practicioner of a particular faith. If their faith doesn’t matter, neither does their level of engagement.

                But ultimately that’s neither here nor there because I have enough experience to suggest that “most” atheists / non theists are not interested in co-existing with those with religious beliefs; and that they are actively antagonistic against any faith. This just represents another data point.

                Anyway to the actual point:

                *To the folks below who were commenting on kids when it comes to teaching morals, values and ethics those things DEFINETLY transcend religion.*

                And what if the value being taught is “faith in God”? Where is the middle ground?

                • coldsweat3

                  Correct me if I am wrong but when has the term “most” been used to apply to absolutes?
                  My comment about most does not mean it applies to you specifically, so lets not act like the atheist was the sensitive one in the scenario.

                  I just said in that same response id send my kids to church, so i dont see the relevancy of that question.

                  Further theres no guarantee anyone will believe in God enough to make it to heaven, despite the family’s attempts to bring them into the fold. So by all means the family can try to teach the kid to have faith in God. My parents did the same for me, jr.Usher board and all. Right now i even volunteer with a college ministry as a mentor(no church sermon required).

                • DQ

                  Right I got you pimpin…

                  “I wasn’t saying you specifically, I was just saying most of you generically.”

                  Yeah, you’re right, you didn’t use an absolute, when you put it like that, I can see how it’s much better.

                  Moving forward, there is a difference between tolerating something and respecting it… and given enough time, people can usually tell which one they’re getting.

                  I asked the question “what about faith in God” because you asserted “teaching morals, values and ethics those things DEFINETLY transcend religion”. But they don’t always transcend religion do they? Sometimes they are intrinsically interwoven into a religious school of thought. And sometimes they can run directly counter to your beliefs and result in actions that you would not take, and indeed oppose. So that was the purpose of my question – to hear what you or others would do when confronted with a zero sum game?

          • CPT Callamity

            @coldsweat3: thanks for this breakdown. I’m one of the fence straddlers (agnostics) and the problem is never me but my partner who cannot grasp the concept that I do not know 100% what to believe therefore I just continue on…business as usual.

            • coldsweat3

              Yah as the black community is super religious folks really dont understand. I have gotten repeatedly “so what do you do” or “do you pray” or “devil worship?” im like wtf?!?!?

              We as a community need to become more open minded. ASAP

          • The Law

            This is one of the best/most respectful conversations about atheism I’ve come across. Well done, VSBs/VSSs.

            My two cents:

            I am an atheist, and it seems like I have had the most relationship problems centering on religion with women who are newly (within the last few years) born again. They are very sincere in their belief, but they (in my observation) have been immature in their faith, and haven’t taken the time to study what they believe in depth. The ladies I’ve encountered like that tend to just spout whatever bible verse the minister/prophet/bishop used in his last sermon when engaging in a conversation about philosophy/world events/why she won’t swallow until we get mearried, etc., and think that the verse alone settles the issue.

            On the other hand, I have had very good relationships with regard to the religion issue with women who are mature in their faith and know what they believe and why they believe it. They aren’t threatened by my being an atheist, because they are secure in their faith, and have no problem discussing and defending it. They also haven’t viewed religion as a make-or-break issue. They realize that it’s a person’s values (and how they live them) that make a good prospect, not simply whether they believe or not.

      • Kema

        I think people of different religious beliefs can have great relationships. However there will most likely be a problem when children come into the mix.

        • DQ

          This is what I was thinking. When it comes time to impart “values”, “morals”, “ethics” to the children… whose values, morals, or ethics will they be if they are not shared? #butwhatdoIknow

          • Sula

            Morals, ethics and values are not necessarily tied to religion… Or let me rephrase, morals, ethics and values are basically the same in most organized religions… How we go about implementing those morals, ethics and values are what changes…

            More often than not, what people attribute to “religious” differences are more so “cultural” differences than anything else.

            • DQ

              True there are often overlaps on certain morals, values, and ethics, but there is little common ground on something like say:

              1. Jesus was a Rabbi
              2. Jesus was the Messiah
              3. Jesus was one of the Prophets

              Judaism, Christianity, and Islam all have a treatment for “Jesus Christ” but they aren’t the same, and they aren’t necessarily reconcilable. If there are any core beliefs that spring forth from that “treatment” they likely aren’t reconcilable as well.

              And that’s just at a high level, we can talk about dietary constraints, religious observations, political views as a result of spiritual identification (think Middle East).

              I’m not saying it can’t work for folks, I’m just saying it’s something that needs to be talked about ahead of time.

            • Medium Meech

              True. When it comes to religion, most things outside of morals, ethics and values are rituals and tribalism to some degree. Probably the least important but responsible for the vast majority of conflict non the less.

        • Sula

          My parents are from 2 different religions and have been married for 32 years and some change… And I have a bunch of friends whose parents are similar… So it does happen often enough.

          • coldsweat3

            cosign everything you said Sula!!!

    • MsMelissa!

      I have to agree, youre faith doesnt have to match mine per se….but your level of spirituality does. I recently had someone mention that I usually bring God up into certain debates about human nature and personality traits etc…like it bothered him. He lost major points for ME because my faith is extremely important.

      • whykendra

        i would rather have a man that is less spiritual than me and/or atheist rather than a man who is more spiritual then me in another religion. i dont know why tho.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          “i would rather have a man that is less spiritual than me and/or atheist rather than a man who is more spiritual then me in another religion. i dont know why tho.”


          • http://www.twitter.com/alanatoolie Alana

            I totally have an opinion about this. Some might even say it’s factual. Proceeding…

            I remember a post you guys did something about things a man or a woman will/will not compromise on. One of those things was religion when it came to women. Women will pretty much, ALWAYS, compromise on religion. If a guy isn’t religious and the woman is, and said guy has so much more going for himself, she will throw that “list item” out the damn window.

            However, if a Man is HIGHLY religious, more than likely, he’s really into the thing and because of this fact, he’s not looking for a woman to wife who isn’t in line with his beliefs. Now, I’m not talking about one of those, “I was raised this way” dudes, I’m talking about the men who made a conscience decision to practice whatever.

            Going back to Yokes comment, ultra religious men who have no balance can be sickening because of the reasons above.

            • Classy6ft5

              I think I remember that post as well.

        • http://twitter.com/tmcydame tmcydame

          I think it’s possibly this simple: If you have kids, you’re far more likely to impress your beliefs on your children than your partner if your religious convictions are stronger…

  • http://www.twitter.com/alanatoolie alana

    Champster, this is a great list. I agree with everything.

    3. The importance of personal upkeep and aesthetic

    True Story: Like my Sophomore year in college (Dillard University you know what it is) I was home in Chicago for the summer seeing this Chef. When we met, we were both on our way home, so he was in the chef attire and I in my skirt whatever. But, every.single.time we went out, dude was dressed like a professional homeless man and I’m dressed as if we’re about to be in public! Needless to say, I quickly detoured from THAT!

    4. Food

    This is really important to me. Like, I don’t eat a lot of stuff, but honestly, I cannot see myself in a SERIOUS relationship with someone that partakes in the swine! Just.can’t.go.

    That is all for now.

    • Anastasia!!!


      Now as far as food, do you not like that the person is eating pig because its an animal or is it that someone is eating something that is proven to be detrimental to your health?

      Because I don’t eat swine, but if booski ate it, maybe I could be okay – But its so unhealthy…. Ugh!

      Just curious :-)

      • http://www.shay-d-lady.com shay-d-lady

        Lol I’ve never eaten pork as I was raised a muslim
        The hubby a devout christian loves the swine. He doesn’t use my pots and all shared items are swine free. Since I do most of the shopping its not a problem.
        Suprisingly neither is my own again off again muslim affiliation or general meh
        Agnostic beliefs. Anything can work if you are willing to compromise and be open

        • Leonie UK

          I don’t do the trenton and I’m not trying to get serious with someone who loves it either. Never eaten pork in my life ( have you ever been to a swine pen!!! )

          • coldsweat3

            yes because other animals always look so sanitary….. 0_o

            • Sula

              Exactly! Loll!

              Mmmm…. Bacon. Lol.

        • Sula

          Anything can work if you are willing to compromise and be open

          And that’s the word.

      • http://www.twitter.com/alanatoolie Alana

        @ Anastasia – Basically, I’m really concrete in what I believe. (getting serious for a spell) I follow the dietary law of the bible like clockwork, that goes for no jello, gummy bears or whatever. Dating someone and potentially marrying someone who doesn’t share in this just makes way for strife. I’m thinking what if we have children, I say one thing, he says another an viola, child is confused. Yeah, I might be extra but it’s important to me. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t dismiss a man because he partakes in the pig, as once upon a time I INHALED a junior bacon cheeseburger from Wendy’s. If the strife can be eliminated, so be it.

        Going off path for a second, I do continuously try to get my family to stop eating the crap. It’s definitely not good for you and when you’re apart of a clan which has high blood pressure, diabetes and whatever else, you try to prevent some of this stuff by eating a little healthier.

        • Kimmy

          If you don’t mind me asking, are you as stringent about other laws of the Bible? You mentioned health reasons such as high blood pressure-do you feel the same way about red meat as you do pork?

          • http://www.twitter.com/alanatoolie Alana

            I am very stringent about the other laws of the bible. The 10 Commandments including the Sabbath, the dietary, the cleanliness laws, all of it is fair game.

            I understand the implications of eating too much red meat. However, the bible doesn’t say you can’t eat cow or deer or antelope, all these are fair game. Personally, I don’t buy red meat to bring in the house and cook, hell, I barely buy chicken not because I don’t like it, but because I live alone and these items take too long to cook on the George or on the stove. So, I just stick to the easy stuff when I’m cooking for myself. When I’m in the crib, I pretty much stick with fish and soy sausage #dontjudgeme.

            I like to think of myself as a pretty healthy eater. I’m no health freak, I need a fried wing in my life every so often. But, I’m cognizant that as a black woman there are a lot of health risk that I’m prone to, so I’ve made a decision to try to prevent some of these with exercise and a mostly healthy diet.

            • http://www.twitter.com/alanatoolie Alana

              Lame me…umm, deer is antelope..hehehe

              • Kimmy

                I appreciate you responding. I’m trying to eat less meat myself for health reasons…I’m not at the point of giving it up altogether because I loves my meat, but I’m definitely trying to eat less of it.

                • http://www.twitter.com/alanatoolie Alana

                  Sharing is caring

          • http://tdlove.wordpress.com Tonya

            My question is- if YOU are really strict about your religious beliefs, why do you feel it is ‘factual’ that another woman would just throw her list out the window for a man?

            I would think that it depends on the person and their level of practice in their religion. I wouldn’t attribute that to a woman or man for that matter, let alone label what I might have witnessed in my life, as a fact about all men and women in general.

            I am sorry to be nitpicky but placing the word ‘fact’ in an opinion without evidence doesn’t seem fair to me, even if we are not at some scientific convention. lol

            • http://tdlove.wordpress.com Tonya

              My question is- if YOU are really strict about your religious beliefs, why do you feel it is ‘factual’ that another woman would just throw her list out the window for a man?

              I would think that it depends on the person and their level of practice in their religion. I wouldn’t attribute that to a woman or man for that matter, let alone label what I might have witnessed in my life, as a fact about all men and women in general.

              I am sorry to be nitpicky but placing the word ‘fact’ in an opinion without evidence doesn’t seem fair to me, even if we are not at some scientific convention. lol

              (if this comes up twice, it is because I placed the wrong email in the previous comment- Sorry)

              • http://www.twitter.com/alanatoolie Alana

                “I totally have an opinion about this. Some might even say it’s factual. Proceeding…”

                These are MY words… I definitely said it was MY OPINION and SOME might even say it’s factual. I never said I was part of that “SOME”. In addition, this comment was leveraging off of a post that one of the VSBs wrote a while back to say, “this could go back to a point you guys brought up before”.

                My comment isn’t generalizing all women, it was to throw out a “maybe it’s because”. Based on my experience, I find this to be true with the women I interact with. Not sure if you read Yoke’s comment above Champ’s, but this is where my comment is coming from. It’s possible you read it out of context.

                I agree with you, saying it was fact (if I had, however, I didn’t) would have been unfair. It generalizes ALL women, myself included. I’m not really down with the blanket generalizations.

    • MsMelissa!

      Ok…. this is another one. My reasons for not eating certain foods are health based , and because of the corrupt food industry, I just cant see myself eating beef that takes FOREVER to be digested and may be coming from a sick cow that was literally dragged to slaughter and may or may not be genetically manipulated….( another topic for another day).

      Usually it’s not that a guy wants a burger that turns me off, it the aloof attitude that he takes when I explain my reasons why. If you are not even willing to open your mind to the ways eating better leads to better health I feel that it makes to an unideal match for me….

      My ex asked me to got to the store and get some things for his lunch. I dont recall the name of the lunch meat he wanted, but the first ingridient was pork heart 0_o ….. I was sooo grossed out.

      But to me that just spoke to all the other ways that we really were not meant to be.

    • whykendra

      look yall i gotta tell ya. i love me some bacon!!!!!!!

      i am aware that the food industry and the slaughterhouses that supply meat are completely corrupt and unsanitary but who can honestly say they can avoid that (unless you grow/raise all your food yourself, you cant!!!!). so if a man tries to preach that to me, that itself might be a dealbreaker!!! im just playin i wouldnt leave him for that. but he needs to shut the hell up when i eat my bacon cheeseburger.

      i will not be denied pork! (yeah, yeah i know. thats what she said. )

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “I cannot see myself in a SERIOUS relationship with someone that partakes in the swine! Just.can’t.go”

      not even bacon? bacon’s tasty as hell!

      • http://hisandhersinks.wordpress.com Ashleigh

        For me if anything could be added to this list, we must both have tolerance and/or likeness of pork (at least bacon or the ham on a Dominos pizza) in common. I have a best friend who doesn’t eat pork for religious reasons and it presents problems so my mate definitely needs to be tolerant of my love for meat candy!

        • WIP

          That Dominos Hawaiian pizza is a beast.

        • Cris Until I Find a Clever Name

          I killed a medium deep dish Dominos Pizza with extra bacon last week-YUMMY!!!

      • openlysilent

        NO! But they do have soy alternatives! (LMAO at the thought of Champ eating soy bacon)

      • http://www.twitter.com/alanatoolie Alana

        I.AIN’t.GOING. It is yummy, but I don’t touch it. It’s for biblical reasons. I won’t even touch a dead pig.

      • The Law

        Mmmmmmmm bacon. And steak. And chicken. And fish (including shellfish). Moderation, people, is the word of the day.

    • Innovative21

      OMG! I love hamburgers and bacon so much. And good Nathan’s hotdogs even though I never know what mystery “meat” is inside of it. This one guy I dated sat me down and tried to reason the health benefits with me if I cut it out, but it became a moot point considering my fam been eatin it for days on end generation after generation: got 5 active great-grandparents/aunts/uncles alive and kickin/walkin/talkin/laughin and still eatin the deliciousness of char-broiled, smoked, fried, peppered and seasoned MEAT. God gave us these great savory things, I feel it my duty to ablige.

      But, with all that said, I really wouldn’t care if the person I wanted to be with didn’t feel the same, just don’t try to take it away from me–just might end up losin an appendage.

      • k-steez

        on the “my grandparents ate it and they’re fine” idea…people say that all the time, but our lifestyles (work, meal choices ) are usually different than our grandparents were. When your meat only took up about 20% of your meal, and the rest was veggies and beans and such, the swine isn’t as detrimental. Add to that the fact that they generally had very active lifestyles, whether working at home or outside. Sitting in a cubicle all day, then eating a bacon triple cheeseburger for dinner and sitting on the couch will kill you.

        I don’t know ur habits, so i’m not speaking to you specifically, just the Blacks ate it for generations argument in general.

        • Innovative21

          I hear ya. My family, myself especially, stays active: soccer, running, an athletic/sports-loving family, so I guess that definitely plays into it. So yea, we handles ours. Def wouldn’t think to eat bacon every day, but when I realized the McDonald’s chipotle barbeque angus cheeseburger was only here for a limited time only…I had to get it in. Sick of it now, but you see how my body reinforces good habits

          Oh and speaking of, one thing I wouldn’t compromise on, is dating someone who is inactive/not into working out or being physically active. The couple that runs together stays together. Yup.

    • Classy6ft5

      @ Alana

      This is why I follow the advice of never dating a man that approaches you in a uniform (of ANY SORT!). However, this could go for those that dress in business suits too, sometimes they could be a lil tacky outside of the office….it’s kinda tricky.

    • Racqs

      Now this one I’m not so sure about. I understand that people may have different religious and/or health reasons for partaking (or not partaking) in certain types of food. And by all means, more power to ya, but I’ll be damned if someone tries to make me feel bad about my food choices! (by the way, not implying that this is something you do, but I’ve seen it done)

      I was in a serious relationship with a seventh day adventist (he was at least raised that way, but out of the 3.5 years that we dated I can count the times on one hand that he actually attended Sabbath day services – but that’s besides the point). He gave me such a hard time about pork and sea food, and while I understood his point of view and never offered any of my pork or sea food to him, nor did I eat any in his house, he constantly fussed and whined about my occasional bacon slices on my burger or my coconut shrimp.

      Now I love food, and if you’re going to step in between me and my shrimp/pork products, there’s going to be a problem. Accept and respect people’s opinions, but don’t force it on someone else if it’s something you don’t see eye to eye on.

      *And fact of the day, pork loin can be just as lean as chicken breast….

      • http://www.twitter.com/alanatoolie Alana

        I feel you. I’m not Seventh day Adventist and I actually didn’t know they followed the dietary law of the bible. However, this is why I don’t eat shellfish, or pork and some other things. HOWEVER, I noticed when I was practicing mainstream Christianity, I was so “YOU SUCKA YOU BETTA REPENT”. Now that I study the bible for myself and use history and such, I DON’T CARE WHAT FOLKS DO IF IT DOESN’T AFFECT ME. Don’t get me wrong, if you ask me a question, I will FOR SURE tell you the answer and WILL NOT sugarcoat it at all. But, I’ve noticed since really studying the bible, I’m less likely to judge and be all in folks faces. I answer question, I be me with all transparency and that’s that.

        A lot of people have mentioned this…Why is it that people who are “i was raised like this” in their religions so less tolerant? Honestly, I feel like they have a fear of being dragged to the other side. This is probably why Christians in general aren’t very tolerable of other religions. However, as mentioned above, I’m so concrete in what I believe, I have an Atheist friend who was raised Christian, I pray over my food (with my head covered) don’t eat the swine, use my “If the lord wills” sentences around her and all. Anything I do with my Israelite sister/brother I do around others. It’s who I am. I think people who always point out what YOU’RE doing probably needs to check themselves as they might feel they aren’t doing what their religion tells them they should be doing. I HIGHLY doubt it’s personal at all.

        • Racqs

          I guess being “raised like this” makes someone who they are (or so they think). Many people define themselves by their experiences and customs as they grow up. So an outsider discarding those customs or opinions combined with the influence of intolerant parents and people of authority leads them to take things personally, even to the point of shooting down beliefs contrary or slightly different to their own.

          Or maybe they just follow these customs blindly without full-heartedly understanding the reasoning behind them. And not being able to adequately defend their position makes them insecure, and thus attack anything that isn’t the same as what they believe in. Either way, it’s an ignorant way of looking at the world. There are too many people for all of us to believe things the same way…

          • http://www.twitter.com/alanatoolie Alana

            “And not being able to adequately defend their position makes them insecure”

            I think you pin pointed it right here. There are a lot of people in this world, and we won’t all believe the same thing. You’re right about that.

    • Caballeroso

      “4. Food – This is really important to me. Like, I don’t eat a lot of stuff, but honestly, I cannot see myself in a SERIOUS relationship with someone that partakes in the swine! Just.can’t.go.”

      I can somewhat relate to you on this one. I generally recite the 11th Commandment as “though shalt not dine on the swine”, except that I’m a part-time pork eater. I generally shy away from it, haven’t had a pork chop since the early 90′s, but I freely make exceptions for bacon and pepperoni. Let’s just call it cognative dissonance.

      I’m a serious seafood lover though, so when someone I meet is allergic to shellfish, I start envisioning all the crawfish festivals I’m bound to miss out on. At that point, I really can’t see a future with that person.

      • http://www.twitter.com/alanatoolie Alana

        @Caballeroso Shame, I don’t touch the shellfish either. Guess we won’t be frolicking in the fields of shellfish festivals.

        In all seriousness, I feel you. If something is important to a person, and you just cannot foresee yourself giving up something for the sake of a person, it definitely needs to be added to the list “Must eat Shellfish” However, I find that if your reasons aren’t religious or whatever, a person is more likely to compromise for the right person.

        • Caballeroso

          I can’t say that I disagree with your assessment of compromise; that is, except for the religious aspect. As a pragmatic agnostic, I have no problem dating Christians as long as we both agree on a respectful live and let live philosophy.

  • http://brotherjamesthetastemaker.tumblr.com ChaoticDiva

    Agreed. I actually was just discussing this with several friends…especially the point about #4.

    You see, I had this boyfriend who would always go get takeout when it came time for me to cook. Now I know someone is going to bust out the “you can’t cook” jokes (which is not the case…I’ll cook yo momma under the table), it was just that he didn’t like this or that in his food, or this kind of dish, etc….

    Like I can’t date anybody who doesn’t eat cheese. Or cheese fries. Or seafood. They are huge components of my diet, and I’ll be damned if I stop eating my tastes for another soul. There’s no compromising there.

    But yeah. I say social level. An anti-social person and a super social person do not mesh well. Same guy. I had a few friends over, and he went off into another room and wouldn’t socialize until someone threatened to find me a new boyfriend (and actually called over the person who turned out to be an illegal Canadian immigrant who believed in Sarah Palin and the GOP). Guy still is clueless as to why I cannot bear to be with him. He won’t leave his comfort level, because my comfort level is more open than what he is used to. I can’t fault him for it, and I can’t force him to change.

    • http://www.twitter.com/alanatoolie alana

      Believe it or not, I was just watching beverly hills private chefs on food network. They were having a party for singles based on food taste. If you have the same food taste you’re a match made in heaven…or whatever. Really ironic this was part of the post.

    • http://twitter.com/sonofthehorizon stlunatic

      I was hoping by social politics, you meant what I was gonna say, which was their social aspect. As cute as it is in movies, the suave, intelligent but boisterous frat boy and the nerdy mousy girl are just not gonna work. He can’t bring her lame ass around his boys, she can’t bring his clueless loud ass around her girls. They wonder how they ended up together in the first place.

      • Perfect Square

        They ended up together because one or both of them was actually not being their true selves…I think

    • http://naturallyalise.com/blog Naturally Alise

      Yesssss, social level is so important. Someone with no friends with a super social butterfly will never work. Hermit will be jealous that the social butterfly is always going out and the social butterfly will feel stifled. No bueno.

      • Sula

        Someone with no friends with a super social butterfly will never work. Hermit will be jealous that the social butterfly is always going out and the social butterfly will feel stifled.

        See I don’t know about that really… I am a quintessential social butterfly. I like parties, meeting new people and just plain talking… The Dude is quiet and reserved. He will go to parties with me once in a while, but mostly it’s not his shtick… And we are both ok with that. Sometimes, all I want to do is curl up with him and shut my outside world… Othertimes, we both want to go out… Then there are the times when he would rather stay home and work on his gadgetry and I get to be Queen Butterfly with friends…

        And it has always been that way for me… I don’t think I would mesh well with another social butterfly AT ALL. I need someone calm and reserved to center me.

    • Mo-VSS

      Yo…real talk, social/non-social is the truth. I dated a dude who was “quiet” (aka boring and didn’t talk) forever in college. It was cool cuz I was friends with his cousin and he was comfy around his family and he opened up. However, when we graduated and we got to moving in new circles, this dude straight clammed up. I’m very social in a crowd and I like to have a good time. So, after a while, I started desiring to go out w/out him (uh-oh) and it just dissolved due to some other differences as well.

      Point is…it’s hard to feel like you have to pull the other person along and drag out their shine. I need a man to be a man…but be social as well. It’s not mutually exclusive.

      • http://Twitter.com/simplysope Simplysope

        Preach! I find myself not even attracted to someone If they aren’t socially compatible. I don’t mind a quiet person, but for me, the guy who is as animated, witty and smart as I am in social situations, is like the ULTIMATE turnon.

        Also: intelligence. Like stlunatic pointed out, is only in movies where the guy who thinks Mubarak is a Greek frat based off the President will be with the nerdy girl who reads all the time. Exception: If the idiot in question is hot or can break backs like King Kong. Then it seems we don those “6T Sprung” goggles and start making excuses.

        Get it how you live, I guess.

        • WIP

          “Exception: If the idiot in question is hot or can break backs like King Kong.”

          HELLO. I can do enough reading for the both of us.

          • Classy6ft5

            “HELLO. I can do enough reading for the both of us.”

            SEE!? THIS is WHY I hate (LOVE) you!!!!

        • http://twitter.com/sonofthehorizon stlunatic


          Sorry guys, dont mind us. Bringing personal/real-life feuds into VSBland.

          • simplysope

            LMAO, I wasn’t trying to do you! I WAS CITING YOUR EXCELLENT EXAMPLE IN MY OWN EXAMPLE! Don’t you have some wine to drink or something, you lush?


    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “An anti-social person and a super social person do not mesh well. ”

      yeah. if i extended the list to 6, this would have been on it

    • whykendra

      I say social level. An anti-social person and a super social person do not mesh well.

      This is why singleness plagues me. im not a social butterfly. when im with people who i know we cut up all the time. but i would be the girl that is brought into the group and everyone thinks im shy and quiet. im not. im just an ice cold b*tch and i need a little time to warm up. but no one is really tryna break the necks to warm me up so they can see if im decent or not. as im typing this another egg has dried up and blown away.

      • Lina

        Try drinking? I know that isn’t necessarily a healthy thing, but it can loosen you up a bit around people you don’t know, just don’t get too loose lol.

        I’d say I’m sorta like you but ppl don’t really assume I’m shy but just a b*tch who doesn’t talk to folks. However, I’m just not that comfortable around folks I don’t know. When I’m around my friends from HS, I’m usually the crazy one who does things to make them laugh or shake their heads.

        This weekend I’m going to Yale’s BSC conference, so I’m taking that opportunity to force myself to be more social and let myself just have fun. Not everything is that serious, and if I make a fool of myself, I’d never see them again. Maybe you can make a similar vow and go out of your comfort shell for just this weekend? Baby steps

        • whykendra

          what happens at the Yale BSC conference, stays at the Yale BSC conference.

          your right alcohol does help. my main issue is that im awkward around new people and its very obvious. so if im with a man and he expects me to work a room full of strangers he’ll be let down. i only fake the funk at networking events. so this is definitely a skill i need to acquire.

        • Enginegro

          “I know that isn’t necessarily a healthy thing”

      • Hawaii

        This is me all the way. :|

    • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      Yes, super picky eaters are the worst. I’m not even talking about dating, just life in general. I don’t want to bring them to a party and they can’t eat this, that, etc etc…sometimes it’s just rude to me. I can’t imagine why people make such a big deal over food. One time won’t kill you. Just be courteous with it.

      • coldsweat3

        I personally HATE being with someone who is quiet like for real. I had to tell this one chick are you smitten or do you just not have ish to say, turned out it was both. BYE!

        However, I have seen this work with my Aunt and Uncle although not sure how he was in College cuz my aunt is loud and drinks and he is quiet and doesnt drink. Thats my favorite aunt and those are the type of women i like. lol


        Yeah picky eaters are annoying!!! Cant bring the chick out cuz shes too picky and doesnt want to eat anything at an event and then you have to make all these unnecessary detours to get her waht she wants. BYE!

        • WIP

          I’ve seen this too. Quieter men seem to like louder women that “handle business” if you will. I’m not really an extrovert, but I tend to click with men that are quiet like me.

      • Classy6ft5


        I agree!

      • Sula

        I really distrust picky eaters… Like seriously.

        • BomQuiQui

          I see picky eaters as being unadventurous and unwilling to compromise. Also, just plain rude in social situations! Like, so you’re gonna tell me that you’re distaste for mushrooms is gonna make you look like as azz when my mom serves her delicious spaghetti and you’re picking around the little mushrooms in the sauce??? Suck it up! B*tch ass.

          • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

            “I see picky eaters as being unadventurous and unwilling to compromise.”

            Yahtzee! It’s a sign of a bigger personality trait.

  • Masiotso

    “Can you think of anything else that a couple needs to have in common for their relationship to work?”

    Sense of humor
    One may think it is hilarious, cute, and maybe even romantic to throw a snowball at their mate thinking they’ll just get hit with one back. They do…but it has a rock in it.

    • Perfect Square

      LOL…thank God I am still at home so I can LOL for real. This was priceless!

    • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      Cosign of sense of humor. I know I’m a handful so I like a man who can laugh and not take everything so seriously all the time. It’s a balance too. I don’t want a comedian. Just someone who knows when to be serious and knows when to have a good laugh. I want a guy who will laugh at me jumping on his back or putting mayo on his lip. Life isn’t that serious.

    • Sula

      To me, that’s paramount.
      There is nothing worst than sharing your secret world of funny with your S.O and being met with *blank stare*… Thee worst. Lol…. I tend to even demand it from friends.

      I had this associate that was going to be promoted to the status of friend until I made a “That’s what she said” joke (a good one at that) and had to explain in details the whole meaning behind it… Yeah, the promotion to Friend did not happen. :lol:

      • WIP

        Did the friend not get the “that’s what she said” joke at all, or was he/she just not familiar with it’s background. I’m thinking even if you didn’t know any background, it’d still be funny, LOL.

        • Sula

          He kinda chuckled a bit… but then I’m not sure he actually got it. So yeah, no go. :) I like to have funny friends.

    • KaramelKesh

      Ugh, I totally agree with that!

  • Madame Zenobia

    “in some rare cases, accidental b*stiality.” – The f*ck? Where they do that at?
    (shakes head) Anyway:

    1. Libido: Hell yes, co-sign, truth, church, tabernacle…synagogue. I can’t agree with that enough – there is nothing worse in the world than being with someone who can keep up with you in the bedroom. I take that back – someone who isn’t willing to try to keep up is the worst. And that doesn’t necessarily mean number of times the act happens, it’s also horrible when they can’t/won’t keep up with variety. (did I just share too much? looks left, looks right.)

    Other things I’d say you need to have in common:

    Faith – “That’s right. If you born-again, your woman gotta be born-again, too. If you a crackhead, your woman gotta be a crackhead, too…or the shit won’t work. You can’t be like, ”I’m going to church, where you going?” ”Hit the pipe!” That relationship ain’t going nowhere.”

    I think people can work through differing faiths, but a Christian-Atheist, Muslim-Agnostic, Jew-Crackhead – those relationships aren’t gonna work out.

    Sense of Humor – this is huge for me anyway. If you think Jay Leno’s funny or can’t get into Chris Rock or Lewis Black or can’t quote any Dave Chappelle? Or if you find them offensive and not humorous? Or can’t really get into comedy from any era? Deuces.

    Or you can’t laugh at situations or try to make the best of them? You can’t laugh at yourself or random circumstances you find yourself in? Yeah, get the brick out yo @ss and keep moving.

    Adventurism (?) – I don’t know if that’s a word, but people who love to get out, rock climb, go camping, travel or even just visit new places/restaurants in their home city don’t jive well with homebodies who like the same routine every day/week.

    Those are my thoughts…for tonight anyway. Maybe more tomorrow AM.

    • Hawaii

      You can’t be like, ”I’m going to church, where you going?” ”Hit the pipe!” That relationship ain’t going nowhere.”

      My water just went up my nose from laughing at this joint.

      • Yonnie 3000

        That’s Chris Rock

    • http://naturallyalise.com/blog Naturally Alise

      ” Christian-Atheist, Muslim-Agnostic, Jew-Crackhead – those relationships aren’t gonna work out.”

      that made me giggle….

      • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

        LOL, same here.

    • Geneva Girl

      I agree with you on the adventure point. It sums up the very minor strife in my marriage. I like to try new things and go new places; my husband is content to sit on the sofa reading all weekend. And he wonders why sometimes I just look at him and say, “You are SOOO boring!” He’s like, “Where’d that come from?”

      A lot of that comes from how you were raised. I come from a family that took at least one vacation each year. You can count on one hand the number of vacations he went on as a kid. I don’t think he’d ever gone on vacation as an adult until he’d met me. For him, time off from work is going to visit relatives. Relatives are the last people I want to see on vacation.

      Vacation and adventure expectations are something to discuss as you head towards marriage. That said, I’d still take my couch potato over some crazy-a bungee jumping fool!

      • WIP

        It can work both ways Geneva. I didn’t go that many places as a kid, so as an adult I wanna go everywhere.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “I agree with you on the adventure point. It sums up the very minor strife in my marriage. I like to try new things and go new places; my husband is content to sit on the sofa reading all weekend. And he wonders why sometimes I just look at him and say, “You are SOOO boring!” He’s like, “Where’d that come from?”

        A lot of that comes from how you were raised. I come from a family that took at least one vacation each year. You can count on one hand the number of vacations he went on as a kid. I don’t think he’d ever gone on vacation as an adult until he’d met me. For him, time off from work is going to visit relatives. Relatives are the last people I want to see on vacation.”

        this kind of mirrors my girl and i. she likes to vacation, mountain climb, and swim with sharks and sh*t, and i’m cool with, well, never, ever, ever doing any of that stuff. we’ve both compromised a bit, though

    • http://brotherjamesthetastemaker.tumblr.com ChaoticDiva

      Cosign on the Adventurous. I’m not staying cooped up inside the house because you’d rather watch netflix and be lazy.

    • Perfect Square

      I am offended by this comment. How do you know that plenty of great Christians have not also turned out to be amazing crackheads?

    • k-steez

      yeah, i feel like libido should have been number 1, 3 AND 5…that ish is for the birds. not getting ur chexual needs met in a committed relationship is a problem. i mean, isn’t that 33% of why we signed up for this anyway? for the all-you-can buffet? if i was single maybe i cld get myself to not think about it so much. but u done awakened the beast within now…she needs to be fed. regularly, lol!

      • Madame Zenobia

        “but u done awakened the beast within now…she needs to be fed. regularly, lol!”

        No, lol is necessary on that – that ish is just true.

    • Sula

      Adventurism (?)

      Agreed. I am an outdoorsy type…and often myself in dire situations… You have to be with someone who is loves it as much as you do or else things can get ugly…

      Spending the night in a freezing cold car outside a Taco Cabana because the both of you didn’t read the Camp ground rules and came back after curfew can be romantic or horrendous depending on where you stand. Lol.

  • Mr. Gundam

    Nice post, Im gong to go out on a limb and say these:

    Social Politics

    Now by social politics I mean similar tastes in how society should be run. I don’t a relationship is gonna last long is homeboy and home girl has different views on abortion. You find out that bf of two years anti-gay marriage, likes to throw shade at people who don’t have low cut or silky smooth hair. After awhile dealing with their nonsense you pretty much want to dip, but not before telling them off.

    Sense of humor

    Two people who have different sense of humor is a future of Side-eyes and augments. Don’t be that dude who loves practical jokes, the girl who thinks Kevin Smith last special was weak sauce, or the jerk who make offensive jokes about your SO working as a residential aid.

    “The Wire”

    I SEEN dudes lose on the first date just because they didn’t know where “Murderland Alley” is. Don’t know the members of the The Barksdale crew. Matter of fact, I believe watching The Wire helps build relationships.

    (Mayb its because me n Ms. Gundam finish watching season three for Valentine’s Day. Which was great)

    • Ms_Celeste

      I just finished watching The Wire seasons 1-5 again and I have NO idea where “Murderland Alley” is. Am I missing something major?

    • Geneva Girl

      My husband LOOOOOVES The Wire. He quotes it nonstop and whenever he sees an actor from The Wire on another show he shouts, “The Wire!” (Strange, I know.)

      I would have watched it with him, but he got it on DVD and watched it all before I could catch up. I really want to watch it to understand the buzz and cultural references, but I know that hubby is going to want to sit next to me and tell me what’s going to happen. And then I’ll have to kill him.

      • Yonnie 3000

        I do this too! I get SO excited whenever I see an actor from The Wire on another show – and I shout out their character name (Randy! Avon!, LOL). Damn near everybody has been on Cold Case. I think Law & Order might be 2nd place.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          “I do this too! I get SO excited whenever I see an actor from The Wire on another show – and I shout out their character name (Randy! Avon!, LOL).”

          me too. i even got verklempt and sh*t when i saw levy in a wendy’s (?) commercial.

          • Yonnie 3000

            The dude who was messiing w/ Bubbles on the street is a rapper named Panama in real life. Everytime they post him on 2Dope, I get an involuntary grimace on my face. #RolePlayaHater

        • WIP

          LOL, I do the same thing when I see someone from Lost. “Richard Alpert” is popping up everywhere.

          • Kema

            I feel you! I am in love with Sayid (Naveen Andrews). I have been looking at some of the movies he has been in. Kama Sutra was nice!

          • April

            I almost died when I saw Hume on L&O:SVU. I kept screaming “HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO PENNY”. Sad I know.

    • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

      “Matter of fact, I believe watching The Wire helps build relationships.”

      I do, too. Beaucoup couples I know (married or otherwise) tend to watch this together. In fact, one of the reasons I wanted a winter boo is for this very purpose. Ah well, maybe I can snag me a summer boo and we can crank the A/C?

      • Cayenne

        I just got all the seasons and wanted the same thing this winter! LOL

    • Ivy St.

      “The Wire”

      My boyfriend didn’t give me the girlfriend title until we watched every season of “The Wire.” it is sad

      • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

        LOL, see?! Serious bidness.

    • AfroRina

      My BF turned me on to The Wire. I had seen it before, but wasn’t a consistent watcher. When he heard this, we descended into the “Man Cave” and started watching. When I go over (or when he comes to visit me) at least 2 hours of our quality weekend time is devoted to watching The Wire. *Our relationship is awesome!*

      Though, now I’m in Wire limbo, because he’s become a ‘Wire Pusher’, turning some of his co workers on to it, so now I have to wait until someone returns Season 3. (Hurry up already!)

    • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      Social politics is a good one, especially since I’m highly opinionated and a political junkie. I don’t require we have the same views on everything but an overall compatibility on values and ethics especially when it comes to society and the world around us is important. I can’t date someone who is ignorant to current affairs.

      • Mimi

        I will admit that I am not political saavy like I should be (hell, I don’t even know my town’s councilman’s name), but I will admit that if a desired man’s political stance is: “I don’t trust the gub’ment cuz it’s filled with crackas”. Or, if it’s “I voted for Barack Obama cuz he is a black man with a black wife and they have two black children”, then it’s the Mojave, Sahara and Death Valley desert for me.

        • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

          This comment kilt me DEAD! lololol sad but true.

      • whykendra

        agreed. we dont have to agree in the slightest but please dont be completely ignorant to the world around you. you dont have to know everything but atleast a general understanding of your environment. i dont know everything either. so we will teach each other and learn together.

        • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

          Exactly. The people who refuse to learn kill me. It’s like, why live in this society if you don’t agree with anything? Go live in the mountains. lol Anywho, Cosign!

    • http://www.twitter.com/alanatoolie Alana

      I don’t know. I tried to watch “The Wire” season 1 via Netflix and I just couldn’t dig it. Maybe I’ll try again. #don’tbeatme

    • Classy6ft5

      After reading all this….I just made a mental note to watch The Wire. Ive never seen it.

      • WIP

        I think it’s worth a try. I’m sure I’ve missed myriad conversational references because I haven’t seen it.

    • Sula

      Now by social politics I mean similar tastes in how society should be run

      To me, that’s more important than religious beliefs even… because that’s how we tend to raise our kids, make big decisions and plan for the future… Compatibility in social politics can influence finances, lifestyle choices etc…etc…

      There are not many guys who would have been ok with my plans of living on a ranch in the middle of the country raising chickens and such…

      • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

        You’re right. It’s bigger than religion. Religion isn’t something that dictates all aspects of my life but values/ethics, etc does. Social politics can affect everything.

  • WeGottaDoBetter

    That picture kilt me.

    • http://heardhimsay.com Drew-Shane

      Likewise! I don’t want to have anything in common or NOT in common with that

    • kingpinenut

      me too….


      vsb is on image block…again….

  • Tes

    Sir Champ I think you hit all the ones i think are the most important. Can I just say I nearly keeled over at “T.I vs. Freedom?” And who’s neighbor is that with the bra on? I just can’t…

    Something couples need to have in common
    1. Sports teams. I was watching True Life the other day and every couple on there were diehard fans of opposing teams. None of them made it. Coincidence? Most likely.
    2. Maturity level. I’m all for a good fart joke, but not in front of my Nana, please.
    3. Religion. I’m not saying we both have to go to chu’ch every Sunday, but our religious views have to be on the same street. If I say “God bless you” and dude replies back “Allahu akbar”…I’on know about that one.
    4. Sense of humor. If you can’t make me laugh, you have to be one of the stalest people in the world, and therefore, it just couldn’t work.

    • legitimate_soul

      Actually your #3 can be very compatible…atleast with the example of dialogue you gave. I think it also depends if the people are open to other belief systems period or if they have a very narrow (narrow not to suggest anything negative, but to suggest a strict or particular view) view of what type of spirituality they have in their life. I say that because many faiths can have a LOT of common ground that can be great and conducive to loving relationship.

      • Tes

        One of my former love interests actually taught me what that meant so every time he said “Bless you” or something similar, that’s what I’d say. Plus dude was hot. I could dig his Muslimness and he could dig my semi-Christianness. #movinon
        I agree with you though; I wouldn’t have much issue with someone of a different religion as long as it was discussed with me beforehand for me to know how strict they are in their faith but a lot of my friends aren’t as open.

        • legitimate_soul

          I understand :) I agree that the discussion of how strict is necessary.

    • MsdelB713

      lol @ “sports teams,” mainly b/c I’m a die hard fan of my Texans (yes, I’ve seen our record…lol), I absolutely could NOT date a fan of the cowgirls. ugh. it just wouldn’t work. I actually went on a date with a guy once & when he pulled out his debit card to pay & it had that ugly ass blue & silver star on it…I almost paid for my half & called someone to get me (I’m being a tad overdramatic…but still). Anyway…I think you & MTV may be on to something. lol.

      • DQ

        *I almost paid for my half & called someone to get me (I’m being a tad overdramatic…but still). *

        LOL, no what you are being is HILARIOUS

    • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      Maturity level is a must!! Good one. I’d like to think I have a healthy balance of immature/maturity but I believe in social etiquette and somethings are just innapropriate.

    • Racqs

      Included in that maturity level is the way that you argue…. If I do something to upset you, and your response is to hide my wallet or the book I’m currently reading, not only is that beyond childish, but you’re asking for missing body parts for messing with my money!

      • DQ

        Damn that is a GOOD one Racqs, conflict mitigation should have been on the list. While the example you gave is an example on one end of the spectrum, on the other end there are the people who solve problems via the old “Rock Beats Scissors” approach (i.e. just whoop your a$$).

        It’s important to know what type of tools you got in the tool box, cause if all you have is a hammer, then every problem is a nail (I can’t remember where the original quote came from or who said it, but it was probably somebody who other people think are smart so let’s just run with it)

        • Sula

          Yup… I will round all of that up in communication style… but that can be taught. It’s ideal when both of you deal with it the same way, but chances are you don’t. So agreeing early to get on the same page as to how to communicate helps… and it goes back to maturity level indeed.

          • Racqs

            DQ: Preach on the toolbox and the hammer and nails! [Placing this quote in my arsenal purse]

            I also agree with you Sula. Communication and conflict management are learned behaviors and can be changed over time. Although I think it would take a little more time for “whoop you @$$ types”! lol

      • Mimi

        My last ex-boyfriend (our relationship was sooooo long ago…coincidentally, we broke up on the night that we declare war on Iraq) had the maturity level of that was as high as a curb and he used to hide my belongings as well.
        I ended up breaking his nose.
        But, he stopped hiding my belongings.

        • whykendra

          he felt bad that he couldnt find his nuts. so he felt you had to be without as well.

        • DQ

          You ended up breaking his nose?

          Hmmmmmm… how did that happen?

        • Racqs

          Yes, please do expound. I can’t tell you how many times I had the urge to break something of my ex’s…. but he was much stronger than me and wasn’t scared to use a guitar hero instrument as retaliation…. [so glad I got out of that one...]

          • DQ

            *but he was much stronger than me and wasn’t scared to use a guitar hero instrument as retaliation*

            When it’s laughter that you need, you just have to come to site… there is always someone there that is going to say something that makes you blow a snot-bubble while laughing (but really the snot bubble part should only happen once, you should definitely go blow your nose and get that handled in between laughs)