So you’re the person who’s going to take that last bunch of flowers, leaving my husband to come home empty-handed! I’m married to a great guy who, I promise you, is more unromantic than your fiance. Although I never get flowers or gifts or surprise dinner reservations, my husband once revealed that he thinks he actually is very romantic. It turns out that because we have so much fun together, he thinks just talking late into the night is romance. I’ve come to accept he’s right. So buy yourself flowers, maybe some lovely irises instead of roses, and be happy with your unromantic romantic.
The quoted text is Emily Yoffe’s — the woman who pens Slate.com’s “Dear Prudence” advice column — answer to a question about Valentine’s Day and romance. The women who asked the question was concerned that her otherwise loving fiancee has never bought flowers on V-day, and I agreed with Prudence’s response that it doesn’t mean the fiancee’s not a romantic or caring person just because the woman has a different, more “traditional,” idea of romance.
This topic held special resonance because it’s an issue I’ve always had to deal with. If I’m with someone, I’m cool with going to the gym together and then watching Netflix and ordering take-out later. To me, that — that quality time spent with someone you care about — is the epitome of intra-relationship romance. But, as you probably guessed, the women I’ve been with don’t always share this sentiment, and I’ve spent countless hours trying to convince them that I genuinely consider “sharing Wendy’s fries while folding laundry” to be just as romantic as “candlelight dinner on the beach.”
Anyway, while not sharing your mate’s idea of romance can prove to be annoying, it’s usually something most people can work past or learn to deal with. But, there are a few subjects that need to be completely congruent; things couples definitely need to have in common in order for a relationship to work.
Here’s 5 of them.
One of two things usually happen when a couple with completely mismatched libidos gets together.
1. The person with the lower libido has to compromise and have more sex, eventually leading to frustration, emotional distance, decreased self-esteem, and, in some rare cases, thoughts of murder.
2. The person with the higher libido has to compromise and have less sex, eventually leading to frustration, emotional distance, decreased self-esteem, and, in some rare cases, accidental b*stiality.
Either way, any aspiring couple needs to know exactly where each other lands on the sex drive scale before someone (or someone’s dog) gets stabbed with a knife, fingernail, shank, or flaccid penis.
2. The idea of whether it’s cool to be friends with exes.
After listening to approximately 100,000 different arguments in the last several years about whether it’s cool for a person in a relationship to be cool with a person (or people) they used to sleep with, I’ve come to realize that there is no right answer to this riddle. Seriously, the battle of the Fexes (Friends with Exes vs Definitely NOT Friends with Exes) is just as bad as Palestinian vs Israeli, Montague vs Capulet, Michigan vs Ohio State, and T.I. vs Freedom.
No one can remember who hurt who first, but blood has been shed, wounds have been opened, lives have been lost, and visitation room hand jobs have been given.
3. The importance (or nonimportance) of personal upkeep and aesthetics.
While neither way of living is right or wrong, couples where one person doesn’t mind going downtown looking like a gotdamn f*cking fool and the other treats every outside appearance as if they’re about to shoot an Esquire spread usually end up broken up.
And, while some might attest this to other latent mismatched characteristics that cause these incongruent personal aesthetic outlooks, I think it just boils down to the fact that we just tend to want to be with people who “match” us in this regard.
4. Ideas of suitable food
Admittedly, this may just be a personal thing. But, a couple unfortunate bedroom experiences with the otherworldly nighttime farts emitting from the asses of vegan women has taught me that I need to be with a woman whose favorite foods all have parents, and I’m assuming that most people have the same food-based standards.
5. Feelings about children
Although we all have the necessary parts, not all people are meant to be mothers and fathers, and that’s perfectly ok. The world would be a much better place if more people realized this.
Actually, that part about “necessary parts” is a bit of a lie. While the majority of us have the physical capability to create children, not everyone possesses the traits needed to actually like and appreciate them. Again, this is perfectly ok, but if you’re not one of these types of people, it’s for everyone’s best sake if you avoid those who are.
Anyway, people of VSB, did I miss anything? Can you think of anything else that a couple needs to have in common for their relationship to work?
Also, do you even agree that anything needs to be congruent at all? I mean, opposites do attract, right? (Ha!)
The carpet is yours.