One Of Y’all Need To Call Or Text Or Email Y’all’s Uncle Ben Carson And Tell Him That Slaves Weren’t Immigrants » VSB

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One Of Y’all Need To Call Or Text Or Email Y’all’s Uncle Ben Carson And Tell Him That Slaves Weren’t Immigrants

Repurposed Barcalounger with two dozen 10-year-old copies of Jet Magazine stuffed into it Ben Carson referred to slaves as immigrants during a speech he gave to HUD employees earlier today. This should be a surprise to exactly no one who has paid any attention to the words that have managed to escape Carson’s barely conscious mouth over the past two years, as he carries himself and speaks like his brain is A) stuck in The Sunken Place and is B) perfectly fine hanging out there as long as he has enough pretzels to eat and episodes of NCIS to watch. He is, at the time of writing, the world’s least helpful nigga.

But because Carson’s aggressive bout of malignant anti-brilliance now actually has the power to affect people’s lives, he must be stopped. Which actually confuses me. Because I know Ben Carson has family. Carson aint exactly an uncommon name, so he must have dozens of cousins, nieces, nephews, aunts, and uncles. Plus the dozen or so people who always show up to family reunions and you’re not quite sure how they’re related or even if they’re even actually family but they’re always there and one even brought that really good whiting last year so you don’t ask questions. So why haven’t any of these people taken Uncle Ben aside and told him to chill with the “holding office” and “saying things in public” thing in a while? And, if that didn’t work, couldn’t someone just tell him the fam was meeting up at Old Country Buffet after church next Sunday and then, when he got there, locked him inside of the restaurant for the next year? I’m sure he’d be happy too. He’d have more than enough food and they could even install flat screen TVs to air nothing but HGTV and Root Sports.

Seriously, if anyone from the Carson family is reading this, take your gifted-by-osmosis hands and use them to kidnap and silence your Uncle Ben before he hurts someone! The country is counting on you.

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • Courtney Wheeler
  • Stanley

    And this is why I would happy trade Ben Carson to the whites for Rachel Dolezal.

    • Courtney Wheeler

      Whoa..what’s her new name now?…It doesn’t matter..she’ll always be Rachel..

      • Ess Tee

        That chile picked names from different parts of West Africa and I ain’t having it!

      • Mary Burrell

        Nkechi Amare Diallo

    • BrothasKeeper

      You mean Ncheke Amare Badu Arie Shaquille Sunflower.

      • Stanley

        Yup. Tell Nene to come through to the BBQ

        • BrothasKeeper

          And bring some ole ashy chicken wings? I think not! She can stay her confused pancake a$$ in her papa-san.

      • Damon Young

        I laughed aloud at this.

      • Tonja (aka Cheeks)

        I literally logged #onhere JUST to applaud this with aplomb.

      • DM.

        Death @ the mocktail of African/AA names. Is it ever that serious?
        She could just sell Flat Tummy Tea on Instagram like the rest of them. It doesn’t have to be like this ?

      • FarbissinaPunim

        Her mama call her Rachel, Im’ma call her Rachel.

      • Mary Burrell

        Oh yeah she changed her name to a Nigerian name.

      • Mary Burrell

        Nkechi Amare Diallo she’s insane.

    • J Bernard Jones

      I don’t want either one of them. It shouldn’t be a trade and certainly not a choice.

      • Val

        Yeah, just cut them both from Team Black.

      • miss t-lee

        Exactly.

    • Hugh Akston

      Nope

  • miss t-lee
  • J Bernard Jones

    Don’t think that Ben Carson’s remarks today that equates enslaved Blacks in the Americas to “immigrants” is something to dismiss as just Uncle Ben doing what Uncle Ben does best: cooning out of straight up ignorance. Nope. His remarks only fit within the larger framework or reworking the slavery narrative that conservatives — including a lot of Black ones — have been trying to do for the last few years. Whether it is rewriting history textbooks that casts slavery as a “side” or “ancillary” issue of the Civil War, or that slavery “wasn’t really that bad” because there were supposedly some “nice” and “benevolent” slave owners, or pointing out that there were a few Blacks who owned slaves even though they accounted for less than 1% of of slave owners and that was only because the vast majority of them had to literally BUY their own family members to rescue them off plantations, or the idea that slaves were “fed and clothed” so they “got something” out of the deal….these are all pieces of a whole, parts of a small but horrifically growing line of thinking that isn’t just the province of white nationalists like Steve Bannon and Stephen Miller who are now unofficially overseeing (!) HBCU’s from the White House itself, but Betsy DeVos proclaiming HBCU’s “pioneers of school choice” and even the president’s persistent attempts to delegitimize true civil rights leaders and icons like John Lewis in favor of those of his own liking. Uncle Ben isn’t just straight up cooning. He’s done it before. Others have done it, too and they will continue to do so until they will get to the point of saying that slavery basically was no different than working for Starbucks or Walmart. If they get their way.

    • Question

      And this is why when folks say they are tired of slave movies, I get it but it is also up to us to make sure that we don’t participate in attempts to erase, dilute or remove slavery from American (or global) consciousness.

      • Ess Tee

        Zackly!

        On the one hand I get the exhaustion (because there’s so much to tell about the Black American experience), but if we don’t continue to tell the story that this atrocity in lasted for *centuries* and connects how we still feel the effects today (and not only Black Americans but Black Africans in this country as well as Black Caribbeans), they will erase the history of the slave trade.

    • “M”
    • What you’re talking about is the Dunning School of history. Anyone who reads their James McPherson, David Byron Davis, or Drew Faust would not fall for that mess.

  • Wise Old Owl

    I’m starting to believe more and more that this former Brilliant Surgeon with the gifted hands and beautiful mind has been cloned…

  • Ess Tee

    This nucca said, “There were other immigrants who came here in the bottom of slave ships…” AND IT MADE TOTAL SENSE TO HIM?!?!?!

    Lordt. Something needs to spirit him away ASAPtually.

  • Val

    It’s likely Ben is the money man in the family. So it’s unlikely that unka Joe and them are going to risk not being to ask to “borrow” a few hundred every now and then by trying to awaken Ben’s Black consciousness.

  • MsKeisha23
    • Mary Burrell

      That’s funny

  • DM.

    I remember back in the day when my mom would buy Gifted Hands &Think Big and make us read them like the Bible
    “Be like Ben Carson!!”
    Giant L for black parents everywhere!

    • hogwartsgottipdrill

      I’m willing to bet my copy is in the basement somewhere! My mom thought that was the most inspiration story EVUH!

      • DM.

        Lmfao same! My mom legit modeled herself after Sonya Carson, it was crazy
        She’d be like
        “Y’all are watching too much tv. Ben Carsons mother would never allow this”
        *turns off the tv just as My Wife&Kids is getting good*

    • miss t-lee
      • DM.

        That gif though ?

        • miss t-lee

          It’s a fave.

      • B-Dot Willz

        I will upvote this gif every time I see it

    • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

      Never heard of the guy until he ran for office. My sleeping parents came in handy on this.

      • miss t-lee

        You’re also a bit older than most of us. Dude was a rockstar among certain ages.

        • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

          I can’t remember my parents ever holding up anyone as a role model. Probably for the best since I can remember my dad saying one of the things he liked about Rick James was he didn’t use drugs. This was back when I was in high school.

          • BrothasKeeper

            Which Rick James? Maybe he was talking about a co-worker.

            • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

              That Rick James. My dad heard him on some interview saying he didn’t do drugs. Weird because my dad doesn’t believe anyone or anything , and that is the one thing he chose to go with.

              • miss t-lee

                Rick James.
                Not doing drugs?
                You can’t be serious.
                Rick was probably high as the georgia pine during that interview.

                • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

                  Did I mention my Dad was a cop, so in theory should have been able to ferret out bs.

                  • miss t-lee

                    Yikes.

                    • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

                      I mean I was well into college before I could hold my composure while lying to him/getting him to believe me.

                • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

                  Reading or hearing “high as a Georgia pine” will never stop making me laugh out loud.

                  • miss t-lee

                    Because you know what it is…lol

                • RaeRae

                  High as a giraffe’s poon-poon!!!

                  • miss t-lee

                    High as the eye in the sky.

            • RaeRae

              You beat me to it!!!!!

          • miss t-lee

            My parents didn’t hold him up as a role model, but we frequently read books about different Black achievements. That how I first learned bout dude.

      • KNeale

        Same here. Having fall back (fugg up) parents came in handy! Cuz I aint know not one thing about the guy.

      • DizzyLizzyGyal

        Black Seventh Day Adventists LOVED this man. Loved. Past tense.

    • DizzyLizzyGyal

      The BIGGEST of L’s. I grew up in a Black SDA home and Ben Carson was thee role model, since he’s also SDA.

      Gifted Hands was in all my SDA relatives homes, including mine growing up. Now? My parents roll their eyes and change the channel when his name is mentioned/he appears.

      • DM.

        Wow that’s crazy, I grew up in a black SDA home as well. He was prolly two more self-help books away from reaching Ellen G White-status (You know what I mean lol) in SDA circles

        • DizzyLizzyGyal

          Listennn…his book was on the shelf right next to The Great Controversy! Lol

  • Hugh Akston

    I’ve said this before but it hurts seeing how he went the opposite way of what we expected of him

    He was one of those individuals that inspired listening to his story and recognizing his accomplishments…and then the election and he started to express his views

    At first one eyebrow went up and I dismissed thinking maybe I misheard what he said…and he continued to talk and I had to put my head down..uncle Ben why? Oh why?

    • Alessandro De Medici

      Yeah, I mean he did come out against Obama way back in 2011, because he was against Obamacare ( I have problems with it myself.) It wasn’t that he disagreed, so much as he allowed himself to become a clown, yet it was so unnecessary.

      • Hugh Akston

        I definitely agree

        I had my problems with it as well but I would have never taken uncle Ben’s route

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