Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Race & Politics

On “Smart Drinking” And Happy Endings

I’ve always been what you (well, I) would call a “smart drinker”—basically, a person who does what’s necessary to end up in a bed by the end of the night instead of outside of a boarded up KFC, naked with church socks on, and singing the chorus to Redman’s “Sooperman Lover.” I don’t drink and drive anymore. If out, I only drink drinks I’ve drank before. I make sure to eat before I know I’m going to be drinking heavily. I also have a good idea of when I’m about to cross the line from “f*cked up” to “I’m about to die!!!!,” and I usually stop drinking by then.

This hasn’t always been the case though. I’ve definitely been a dumb-ass drinker before. One time in particular, I was hanging out with a chick I was seeing at the time (“Carmen”). We started the night off at her place, passing a bottle of Jack around before going out. We then hit a couple clubs, each had a few more drinks, and finally ended up at this lounge spot to meet up with some friends.

Now, at this point I was feeling a bit more wasted than usual. Considering the relatively small amount I had to drink, uncharacteristically wasted. And, while I was at the lounge, halfway to the bottom of my second Long Island in a 10 minute span, I overheard Carmen say something that sounded like “Fee fearful. Wu pennet beat many moods.” It wasn’t until the next afternoon that I realized she was actually saying “Be careful. You didn’t eat any food.” 

Now, anyone who’s had any experience drinking knows what happens when you drink heavily on an empty stomach. Basically, you go from zero to DMX in less than five songs. I don’t know exactly when it happened—I think while I was awkwardly attempting to heel toe during a dancehall set—but I all of a sudden wasn’t able to keep my balance, falling into random couches and chicks with fuzzy chests. My words weren’t even slurring. They were slobbering.

Apparently, my friends parked me on one of the couches, and apparently I passed out and stayed there for the rest of the night. I say “apparently” because I honestly don’t remember. I don’t remember laying on the couch. I don’t remember falling down the steps and busting my elbow. I don’t even remember singing “I Like The Way You Move” to an embarrassed Carmen as we were all waiting for a cab.

I do remember somehow “waking up” on Carmen’s bed. We apparently had just gotten back to her place, my clothes were somehow off, and she was giving me head. I remember still being so out of it that I was looking down at her and thinking “Why is she trying to tie my shoes? Doesn’t she realize my shoes are off?” Apparently I even said “Carmen, stop. I’m shoeless.” (And, apparently this made her laugh so hard that she almost bit me)

But while I still wasn’t completely awake, my penis definitely was, and she climbed on top of me. We both, um, finished, and I went right back to sleep. It wasn’t until a conversation the next afternoon that I even remembered having sex. And, when the experience finally started coming back to me I thought “Yessssss! Happy endings like a motherf*cker”

That night has been and will always been one of the most memorable nights I’ve ever had. I had a great time—too great of a time, perhaps—acted a fool, hung out with some friends, made it to a familiar bed in one piece, and had a very happy (albeit, not completely lucid) ending. It remains the most drunk I’ve ever been, and it will likely be the last time I ever get that f*cked up.

Yet, as I sit here today, reading through the comments on this piece at The Frisky, I’ve come to realize that if the roles were reversed, and Carmen was the too-f*cked-up-to-really-consent-even-though-I-know-she-wants-to-have-sex one instead of me, I could have been charged with rape. And, well, even if I wasn’t actually charged, it would have been rape. Having sex with a woman when she’s not able to consent, regardless of your relationship to her, is rape.

While I’ve never slept with someone who was clearly passed out, I have initiated sex with women who were laying next to me, drunk or half asleep. Sure, their bodies eventually responded to my advances, but those reactions were initially instinctual/unconscious before they woke/sobered up. And, while I was 99% sure that each of these women would be okay with me doing that, I don’t remember getting any clear consent.

I guess the best and smartest thing to do would be to just not sleep with a woman if there’s a possibility that either of you are too drunk/sleepy/tired to give unambiguous consent.

Or, even better (and more realistic), have a conversation beforehand to explicitly state that it’s okay to go ahead if in that situation. Even this has some loopholes, though. I mean, can you really consent to something weeks, days, even hours before it actually happens?

I don’t know where I’m going with this. I’m kind of just thinking aloud right now, and I know that a man using the wrong words and tone when even mentioning subjects like consent and rape have the potential to trigger some very serious reactions. This is me treading light as a motherf*cker.

Trigger or not though, I have to admit that in situations like the one with Carmen—situations that many of us reading this have been in—there seems to be more gray than black and white.

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

Filed Under:
Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • http://jasonsloan.blogspot.com Jason LA Sloan

    Excellent message

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      thanks?

  • http://mrweethomas.WordPress.com weethomas

    I’ve had many nights like that. Aid one point, both me and my gf would find ourselves regularly in that situation. We had many conversations about it being ok.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      these conversations didn’t happen second before, though, so how can you be certain it was ok?

  • iamnotakata

    Can’t say I’ve experienced anything like that, I don’t really drink and have only really been out of it once and I was with good friends. But interesting story lol

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      like i said in the story, this was easily the drunkest ive ever been

  • That Ugly Kid

    I’ll admit it. I’m a very “dumb” drunk. Everytime I drink, I always do so on an empty stomach (though this is not by design, it just always seems to happen this way). And I always go for the strongest drink there (Everclear, anyone?)…and drink it straight. Never chased. Instead of using shot glasses, I use a regular red plastic cup, fill up about a fourth of the way, and down it all in one gulp. I then repeat this process about 3-4 times within the span of about 10 minutes.

    But I attribute this behavior to overzealousness caused by the fact that I just turned 21 last year, and I’m excited that I can publicly do all the sh*t I’ve been doing since I was 16.

    • Rewind

      You’re one of those dudes who wants to get wasted ASAP. That’s why you always do it on an empty stomach

      • http://twitter.com/kjnetic Sith King Jordan aka Bruce Lil’ Wayne bka 2 Fitted Hatz

        “That’s why you always do it on an empty stomach”

        That’s what she said?

        • nillalatte

          boooooooo lol

        • Sweet GA Brown

          “That’s what she said” is about to be banned this site.

          • Breezy

            VSS need to start highlighting “that’s what HE SAID” to make the field even…

            • Asiyah

              He doesn’t speak much. He’s just there for my pleasure lol

              • Yoles

                i love it Asiyah!

            • Rewind

              Can’t say much with a mouthful of vag…just sayin.

        • Rewind

          SCOOOOOOORE!

    • nillalatte

      Absolutely. You know I was the Everclear/PGA Queen back in the day. Can’t hang straight. I liked my PGA punch doe. I never liked to drink as much as I liked other things, but if I had to drink, then I wanted it to be worth my time. ;) I’d tell you about a time in the club, but you’re too young for grown folk stories. LMAO!

      • That Ugly Kid

        Please! YOU’RE too young to hear some of MY stories. Don’t go dabbling in grown folks business!

      • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

        What is this PGA punch you speak of?

        • nillalatte

          Pure Grain Alcohol. TUK’s Everclear is the brand.

          • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

            So you didn’t F around when it comes to drankin’. I remember for my 20th birthday, I took a double shot of Everclear to the head. Maaan, I never went from sober to sloppy drunk so fast in my life! That stuff is like a liquid Neuralizer. All I know is that I ended up in my friend’s apartment the next section over where we chilled out over a six pack of Coronas.

            College was odd like that. :)

            • Rewind

              Try drinking & eating 3 cups of fruit feremented in Everclear. I got a bottle from 2 years ago THAT IS STILL GOOD.

              Im scared every time I look at it.

              • nillalatte

                Oh, the possibilities. :)

    • msdebbs

      you can kiss your liver good bye if you keep drinking like that.

    • chameleonic

      yeah, i drank like that too. i at least had a little something on my stomach but i was definitely druuuunk within an hour or so. hard drinks. straight drinks. chased drinks. beer. liquor mixing. nowadays though? sobe pina coloda.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “I’ll admit it. I’m a very “dumb” drunk. Everytime I drink, I always do so on an empty stomach (though this is not by design, it just always seems to happen this way). And I always go for the strongest drink there (Everclear, anyone?)…and drink it straight. Never chased. Instead of using shot glasses, I use a regular red plastic cup, fill up about a fourth of the way, and down it all in one gulp. I then repeat this process about 3-4 times within the span of about 10 minutes.”

      oh, to be young

  • http://www.twitter.com/black_yoda Black Yoda

    You were violated champ, but you’re a man so no one cares. And while you and most everyone else may see no problem with it, imagine if she got pregnant. That’s when the depth of the violation woulda got real and real quick. And if the roles were reversed in your case? You would look back on what the fembots did you last time with fond memory in comparison.

    • Marshal

      Those posts still exist in infamy across the Intenet Cosmos

    • Rewind

      I swear that’s what’s fawked up about drunk sex. It’s so double sided. And watch a VSS come in here and type some “you know you like it” shyte with a smile on her face.

      • Marshal

        On the Real, this is why any kind of discussion about Rape that affects Men and Women will always be biased and insensitive- it reinforces the differences in Male and Female Ideology as well as the debate between Logic itself and Emotion

        • Rewind

          This is why I take real offense to the issue that only women can be victims and never the other way around.

          • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

            Uh…shots fired?

            • Asiyah

              Nah. No shots fired. Valid point!

      • Lola’s Mambo

        The first thing that popped in my mind was a girl I knew (acquaintance) being upset for trying to go down on a passed out dude and then being upset when he failed to get erect.

        ::smh::

        • Rewind

          In a perfect world, she’d be in handcuffs, but cause she’s a chick, its just her proving a point.

          weird.

          • nillalatte

            Handcuffs as accessories? or Accessory? :P *shrugs* I dated a cop. Handcuffs were readily available. lmao

            • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

              Quick question- did he do a “cavity search”? LOL!

            • Rewind

              Nilla, I know you come preequipped to the freak-a-thon essentials like chains, whips, midget in a slave suit named Edguardo.

      • nillalatte

        Rewind… you know you like it.. :D

        Just had too! Couldn’t resist.

        • http://www.twitter.com/mcnairian5 Fiveisthenumber

          Men are always considered ready and willing. They say you can’t rape the willing.

          Dang Champ, I’m gonna thinking about ATCQ’s “Classic Example of a Date Rape” all day.

          • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist
          • Rewind

            Just cause a peen is hard doesn’t mean we are willing. Sometimes the peen gets hard cause the breeze is nice as muthafawka.

            • Asiyah

              Excellent point, Rewind.

              • Rewind

                See. I got a compliment. Hard peen.

                Case and point.

        • Rewind

          I swear I’ll accidently grab a boob if I ever get to bear hug the shyte out of you.

          • nillalatte

            LOL… I might enjoy it too Rewind. What cha gonna do then? :P

            • Rewind

              You will have to email scorpiomadness@gmail.com for the rest of that information as I’ve been scolded numerous times for being too explicit on public forums.

              But either way one us waking up in the middle of the desert with blank memories and new reasons to limp.

      • chameleonic

        i think that was creepy. i think if a man says stop or i dont like that its just as valid as when a female says it.

        • Rewind

          Yea…and then she calls you gay for not letting her hit.

          :|

          • Asiyah

            So what if she calls you gay? You don’t want to do it. Eff her.

            • Rewind

              Of course…until they go tell their friends.

              I’m saying, I know how to ignore these things on my own, but I can see why it would bother other guys.

          • Kema

            When women say no they face the possibility of being called names as well.

            • Rewind

              Sure…like prude or bytch…but when is hearing those things new?

              Anytime I’ve said no to a woman, my sexuality has to be questioned. Not asked why or what’s wrong…just “ooh nygga you must be gay or something”

              • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

                You too, huh? LOL! Trust me, I know the feeling…

                • Rewind

                  Maaaaan…..you know exactly how annoying that shyte is…these females do not understand.

                  • Kema

                    Believe me women would call you a prude if they thought that it would get a rise out of you. Thats the whole point to annoy you since they feel some type of way.

                    • Rewind

                      I’m just saying Ive had way wore donw to me for saying no than just being called a prude.

      • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

        *vamps on the organ* Yes, Rewind, yes! Let the Lord use ya!

        • Rewind

          See my congregation is strong, they know the deal!

          • IET

            “Yea…and then she calls you gay for not letting her hit.”

            I don’t know though. In those situations you don’t say “no,” Why would you not let her hit? I mean obviously there are many reasons you wouldn’t want to but, do those situations happen that often?

            • Rewind

              Not super often, but still just to say no and be treated like an alien for is off putting enough.

    • msdebbs

      Yeah I agree..she raped you because you were too inebriated to say yes or no but since you’re a man I guess it doesn’t count…right???

      • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

        According to a decent chunk of the feminist movement, yep! Though shouts out to the ones who would disagree with this. They’re doing the Lord’s work.

        • SweetSass

          The feminist movement? BOL, you’re outta control.

          The rape laws were made WAY before the feminist movement. The feminist movement has been trying to change the rape laws to allow for more victim rights not less…

          Rape laws used to only recognize virginal, unmarried women with vaginal insertion…

          In many states… FEMINISTS fought and added ‘sexual assualt’ to include any form of sexual violence and take away the ‘virginal/unmarried/woman’ thing.

          You can’t just be coming up on this topic RECKLESS and making up fact you have NO CLUE about.

          With that I’m done.

          • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

            I see nuance isn’t your thing. :) And yes, I know all of that history. Sigh…

          • veryaveragebrotha

            I’m sorry, I have to interject.
            “The rape laws were made WAY before the feminist movement.”

            Those rape laws you refer to existed BECAUSE of the feminist movement. The feminist movement much like the civil rights movement, isn’t confined to a few people’s actions over the course of a decade or two. It’s a long continuos process that has been going on since the dawn of mankind. Different people, different incarnations, but same movement.
            Those rape laws you refer to exist precisely because of the feminist movement. Were they sufficient? No, but it was the best they could do at the time, and it was their work that set the stage for the next generation of feminists to work for more comprehensive laws.

            Please don’t discredit the hard (and arguably the most dangerous, considering the time) work of past generations of feminists. Without Feminists, there would have been NO rape laws.

      • Rewind

        Pretty much.

        When it happened to me, I couldn’t even form proper sentences. It didn’t matter if I was hard, I couldn’t even fawking see straight.

      • Asiyah

        It does soooo count! As I was reading Champ’s post towards the end when she was giving him rassi all I thought to myself was, “wait a minute! this is…rape…”

    • Iceprincess2

      @black yoda You know what? There was some rapper a few years back who said this exact same thing happend to him. Some groupie was saying her baby was his; he says he was raped while passed out drunk. I think it was DMX, if I recall. Needless to say, nobody was trying to hear it- like his story was just ludicrous or something. It’s really unfair & messed up.

      • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

        Actually, it was DMX. When he told his side of the story to police, they looked at him and laughed- then they put the handcuffs on him, LOL!

    • Kema

      He was not violated! He referred to her as someone he was fucking. You guys kill me trying to make this the same as a situation where a woman (or man) is drunk and is taken advantage of. I say this as someone who has had to ask the man I was fucking seeing if we had sex the night before. Yea… I’m definitely not a smart drunk. That DMX story sounds more like a story of being violated.

      • Yonnie

        This is a hilarious statement. Are you saying that it is not possible for a man to rape his girlfriend? Or for a husband to rape his wife?

        • Kema

          No i’m not saying that it is not possible for a man to rape his girlfriend. I’m saying the situation in the post does not seem like an example of someone raping their partner. This post is addressing the law regarding rape and legal consent. I get that. However I will always feel regardless of what laws exists that rape is FORCED or UNWANTED sexual intercourse and no means no.

          I have never had a guy that I got down with ask me if I wanted to have sex. So what is consent? Does it have to be a verbal “yes I want to sex you”? IMO consent can be implied by an existing sexual relationship. So again… I dont feel like the situation in the post was rape.

          • IET

            As they say, you can’t rape the willing, which is why men “can’t” get raped by women (?) The issues is about who is willing.

            Obviously men are willing, generally speaking, and women are just as willing, at times.

            It’s the time when she’s not even willing which constitutes rape.

            So on a continuum with Extreme Consent on one end, and NO CONSENT on the other, willingness is that gray range in the middle. Obviously that range of willingness leans towards consent.

            So in Champs story, he was willing, and so was “Carmen.” Now if the situation is reversed and the two parties switch levels of willingness, then she is at Champ’s level, without verbally declaring it.

            So what does willingness look like and feel like for either party, when she hasn’t verbally declared it and you don’t already have an existing sexual relationship?

          • Yonnie

            I wasn’t talking about the situation in the post specifically. But your original comment said that it couldn’t be rape b/c he referred to her as someone that he was in a sexual relationship with. I’m saying that just b/c you are currently in a sexual relationship w/ someone does not mean that they can’t rape you.

      • Aly

        So do you think that just because you’ve had sex on a prior occasion(s) means you can’t be raped the next time?

        I think it comes down to consent each and every time. It’s more difficult (not impossible though) to give consent if you’re drunk.

        • Kema

          I agree it comes down to consent. However I believe that such a relationship implies consent.

      • http://twitter.come/InAnimateAlpha Animate

        I’m trying to find a nice way to call you an idiot and I can’t. He was violoated. No questions asked. Just because you have had sex with someone that does not remove rape from the table in the future. Hell, spousal rape is a real thing.

        No means no in all circumstances.

        • Kema

          Oh… Did I miss the part where he said no?

          “That night has been and will always been one of the most memorable nights I’ve ever had. I had a great time—too great of a time, perhaps—acted a fool, hung out with some friends, made it to a familiar bed in one piece, and had a very happy (albeit, not completely lucid) ending. ”

          Yea… Doesnt sound like rape to me. As I replied to Aly… I believe that someone can rape their SO and no means no, however this situation does not seem like rape.

          • http://twitter.come/InAnimateAlpha Animate

            It’s more in the line of he didn’t say yes. This is a common method used when guys are accused of rape “Well she didn’t say no”

            • Kema

              Do people usually ask people if its ok to have sex? idk

              IMO their pre-existing sexual relationship implies consent. If not anyone that has ever had drunk sex has raped or been raped.

              Also… Even though he didnt remember what went down doesnt mean that during the do he wasnt for it. Drinking messes with the part of your brain that deals with short term memory. I know personally I have had experiences where I was drunk but seemingly lucid by others and my memmory was gone in the morning.

              • http://twitter.come/InAnimateAlpha Animate

                So does the dude you used to have sex with a few years ago still have access?

                I mean you do have a pre-existing sexual relationship.

                • Kema

                  No… But dude I’m messing with currently can get it even if I am drunk. Thats really what I meant by pre-existing. I wasnt saying someone has a lifetime pass to the ride. But somehow I think you knew that. ;-)

              • Camilla

                Oh Kema, I love you.

          • Ree

            He may not have verbally said “no” but if “Carmen” was with him all night, saw him passed out, and falling all over himself, and people helping him walk, she should infer that he was not in his right state of mind to say “no” or “yes.”

            If I was that drunk, and a guy I was with (and had had sexytime with before) initiated sexytime with me under these circumstances, I would be extremely creeped out in the morning. What about me blacking out turned you on and made you feel like chex with a half-dead person was appropriate? If I can’t give you a yes, you need to assume the answer is no.

        • IET

          No = No always. But its the consent that is more complex. While consent can be very simple (Yess) consent can also vary, right? If she’s pouncing you, without verbally saying she wants you inside of her, then the message you are interpreting is willingness, her consent.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “You were violated champ, but you’re a man so no one cares. And while you and most everyone else may see no problem with it, imagine if she got pregnant. That’s when the depth of the violation woulda got real and real quick. And if the roles were reversed in your case? You would look back on what the fembots did you last time with fond memory in comparison.”

      that’s the thing. there is a clear double standard when it comes to situations like, and I don’t think that’s a bad thing. there have been numerous other times when I’ve been with women who initiated sex by giving me head while I was sleep. And while I was technically “violated,” I enjoyed it each time. There was even one time where I told the chick “we’re not having sex” and she didnt take no for an answer. She ended up “convincing” me

      • http://twitter.come/InAnimateAlpha Animate

        And if you would have woken up and said stop and they didn’t…rape. Once you are coherent things definitely are much clearer.

  • Rewind

    Big ups for the Redman shout out. Need to play Soopaman Lova on repeat now.

    I got all sorts of drunk stories. Shyte, I feel like the resident drunk of VSB cause I talk about drinking all the time. But Champ..I’ll teach you a lesson right now.

    About 5 years ago to exactly this month, I was in Manhattan at a Christmas party. I came with my neighbor, who ended up seeing her fawk buddy at the party. Everything was cool but when the bar opened up, it was a simple $6 fee for all night drinking. Just that $6 and you could have as many drinks as you want.

    Now let me clear some shyte up first. 1) I had not eaten food. 2) I don’t remember how many drinks I had because unlimited drinks never required a number count and 3) I had just had a surgery only a few weeks prior to this party…so not only was I not supposed to be drinking, but I was still on heavy medication.

    Fast forward about 3 hours into the party. My neighbor has felt up her fawk buddy all night, so these two lovely ladies are headed back to her place. It’s after midnight and she asks me if I’m ok. I said yea, I’m straight, and told her to go get her fawk on. After that, all I remember is leaving maybe an hour later and ended up on the train. I started getting the bubble guts, so I got off cause I knew I had to throw up. Next thing I know I’m in the hospital with tubes up my nose and an IV in my arm. The nurse smiles at me and says “hi, nice to see you up!”. We called your mom, she’s on the way so everything will be just fine. Maybe an hour later my moms rolls up…and just laughs at me. I mean laughs her ass off. Then she talks to the nurse, who says “in all the time I’ve been working here, the staff agrees, that he is the politest drunk we’ve ever had”. Awesome.

    Apparently I had passed out at the train station, and some cops picked me up. Normally they would have taken me to jail, but somehow not only was I too drunk for jail, I was too polite to the police officers as well, as they felt sorry for me and asked the nurse to take good care of me when I got to the hospital. Sweet.

    So I left the hospital with a wicked hangover at 6 am, got home, got dressed, and went to do a presentation at 9 am like a muthafawkin boss cause I aint got time to waste.

    The End.

    • Breezy

      People who work at CNN are always polite :)

    • Sweet GA Brown

      …and everyone smelled liquor coming from your pores

      • Rewind

        Yes, I instantly gave everyone the illusion of a contact high as they approached me.

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

      “Big ups for the Redman shout out. Need to play Soopaman Lova on repeat now.”

      Which one? You know he made like seven of them, LMAO!!!

      • Rewind

        I want all of them, especially the joint from Docs Da Name 2000, cause that album was a gotdamn classic.

        • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

          Yep- although I’m more partial to “Dare Iz A Darkside” and “Muddy Waters”.

          • Rewind

            Word to me, I still never listened to those two albums. How High & 4,3,2,1 is when I first got into Redman.

  • Marshal

    I have been that way a few times myself (4 to be precise), and all but one of those times ended with Pleasure. Outside of people I trust, I’m a Quiet Drunk and a Dangerous Drunk if provoked or messed with, which is why I try to never get that way any time I’m drinking

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

      I’m a loud and extremely dangerous drunk. Once a few of my associates thought it was a good idea to get me drunk. That fateful night in 2001 will be forever ingrained in their memories. To this day, they never invited me to a party or barbecue ever again, LMAO!!

      • Iceprincess2

        *Crosses PA off the invitation list to the VSB cookout*

        • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

          What? I’m well behaved today- at least when you factor sobriety into the equation.

          • Iceprincess2

            Aite, I guess u can come. But if I catch u near the bar, I’m throwing u out on your azz!

    • Asiyah

      I’m a depressive drunk. Drunk Asiyah is no fun! People tend to forget that alcohol is a depressant.

  • That Ugly Kid

    Also this:

    I’ve come to realize that if the roles were reversed, and Carmen was the too-f*cked-up-to-really-consent-even-though-I-know-she-wants-to-have-sex one instead of me, I could have been charged with rape.

    Of course you would. It’s only rape when we do it. I’ve been in similar situations with my ex-girlfriend. I’d be too out of it to really do anything and she’d be going to town on me. Some women have explained to me that if the peen is erect, then it’s fair game. So, I guess it’s okay then.

    • http://Www.shay-d-lady.com Shay-d-lady

      No it’s still rape. And who the f!ck are these women?

      • That Ugly Kid

        I usually see it on the internet, really. Women who comment about giving their boyfriend/husband head mostly when he’s asleep so that he gets hard. Once he does, they can ride him. Some pregnant women announce that if their spouse doesn’t give them the d!ck, they’ll just “take it” anyway. So, I see it here and there.

        The logic is that the peen only gets erect when the man is sexually aroused, so if he’s erect, regardless of his awareness of the situation he’s in, he must want sex. Therefore, it’s okay. That’s what I’ve gathered from reading some of those comments.

        • chameleonic

          so let me get this straight? its a BAD thing to give your husband head as an alarm clock and hop on top as he comes to his senses?? that kinda sounds like fun but now i feel bad. soo, its only okay when hes awake? because it seems kind of lame to not initiate sex with your husband and father of your children when you feel like it. i mean….at that point its MY d*ck. but i guess not. = (

          lol. who knew men classify that as rape. i think my soul just died a little.

          • Rewind

            In South Korea, a woman sued and pressed charges against her husband for having sex with her in her sleep. He asked her to do it before she went to sleep, and she nagged and said in the morning. In the morning, she woke up to her pants down and rolled up tissue paper.

            See how what you said and what I said seem like two very different persepectives?

          • Marshal

            Now, let a MAN say Exactly what you just said and at the end of that say ” at that point it’s my p^$$y” = ( …….

            Double Standards at its All Time Finest.

            • Kema

              I wouldnt have a problem with MY man thinking that. Shoot if he gets it wet naturally I’m good. I would probably even give him the cheat sheet and tell him to start with head.

            • chameleonic

              but this is the thing though…@ marshal and rewind….

              if i approve you and especially if were married, you are entitled to me. i am subject to your whimsy. i mean…

              yeah, it kind of is yours. i just couldnt look at a man who im married to, who is the father of my children, who i have such a deep, profound respect for…and have a barrier between us. why WOULDNT it be his? smh.

              • Marshal

                Married, I Agree;
                Still Together and/or Child’s Mother/Father, Understandable;
                Dating and/or In a Relationship (Girlfriend & Boyfriend)- Courts, Relatives and Friends Don’t. Give. A. Rat’s. Ass about ANY of that, PERIOD. A Man would be cuffed faster than Usain Bolt, and a Woman- “Females Aren’t Strong Enough to Assualt/Rape a Guy” is all she wrote. More Logic and Less Fantasy Thoughts when talking about Double Standards

                • chameleonic

                  that sh*t is annoying. why should i care a man feels victimized by feminists? im not a feminist. im thinking marraige. who cares about the reckless in between sh*t? i dont feel like thinking about that. i simply dont care. all *i* can think about is ‘got damn my husband is one h*ll of a man….’

                  • http://twitter.come/InAnimateAlpha Animate

                    No the rules still apply in marriage. If my wife does not want to have sex and I force myself upon her it is still rape.

                    If the two can’t compromise and either decide go through with the act or wait until a later time its a violation.

                    • chameleonic

                      …..im sorry. WHAT!!!!!! lmfao @ how mad i am right now. na. i cant. im sorry. i could not be married and have barriers. i dont think itd be a violation. = (

                  • chameleonic

                    lmao @ me getting frustrated. this post is frustrating. itll click though. in like a few days. right now i feel like im reading arabic symbols.

                    • http://twitter.come/InAnimateAlpha Animate

                      It’s not about barriers it’s about respect and love. Do I love and respect my wife enough to not let my dick do the thinking when she may not want to have sex.

              • chameleonic

                this is confusing. i always thought marraige was the proper place for uninhibited sex. i dont even wanna talk about it anymore. its supposed to be liberating. no more rules. no more holding out. no more tension. its SUPPOSED to be completely freeing and liberating. that kind of allowance feels like life. *takes a hiatus for the rest of the day to think about this topic*

              • Rewind

                See…you’re a woman. Of course you can say that, but since you’re a woman, there will always be a regard by society to treat you as you’re delicate. So when you say “entitled”…that’s not true. As a man, your husband or not, I’m not entitled to ANYTHING. I can be charge with rape if I’m your husband. That’s how real it is.

                • IET

                  Do you really want to have sex with your wife if she’s not really that down?

          • SexyCool

            My husband is ALWAYS very happy when I wake him up like that and frequently tells me that if I want it, take it.

        • Asiyah

          It’s funny you say that TUK, because my former SO used to tell me that it was ok to wake him up like that sometimes. I feel awkward doing that because he’s asleep. I need to know it’s ok and the way I know it’s ok is if he’s conscious to give me the go ahead.

    • Marshal

      It’s NEVER OK; that has been the backdoor latch for Extreme Feminists and Women in general to Think and Act “like Men” and because damn near All Men WON’T turn down Drunk Sex where Women are the Agressors we don’t take that serious as Sexual Assault or Rape

    • chameleonic

      meh. i honestly think the socially acceptable way to have sex is to go to a club or party, get f*cked up, and take someone home. males usually do the approaching so 9 times out of 10 its the male doing innappropriate coercion. the one time a female does it you know how it feels and it really isnt that big of a deal to most people because you STILL got laid even when you didnt want to. but the nature of sexual assault shouldnt be taken lightly when it comes to expressed non consent.

  • Lola’s Mambo

    I JUST SUBMITTED MY LAST PAPER OF THE SEMESTER 4 MINS AGO. I AM OFFICIALLY FREE FOR THE NEXT 4-6 WEEKS. RIGHT NOW, ALL I WANNA DO IS DRINK A NICE CADILLAC MARGARITA (MADE WITH GRAND MARNIER) AND MAKE DUMB-ASS DECISIONS.

    ::runs away streaking all up and through the comments section::

    • Rewind

      *pulls out camera phone*

      Shyte just got real.

      • Lola’s Mambo

        HI REWIND!!!!! ::ehugs::

        Can I get an “ergo” mention outta you tonight for old times sake?!!?!?!?! :-)

        • Rewind

          You can get as many as you want darlin, this is your time to celebrate!

        • Rewind

          Lola streaks, ERGO, VSB members are extremely happy today.

          Shots for everyone.

      • That Ugly Kid

        Waaaay ahead of you, bruh.

        *records Lola streaking then uploads it on WorldStarHipHop*

        • Yonnie

          *Tweets out a link to the WSHH video of Lola streaking*

    • Lola’s Mambo

      On a real note: My girlfriend and I once went out to this club one time where we met these two gay best friends. We all instantly hit it off (shoes! purses! boys!) and they bought us several shots.

      From what I can recall, my friend and I ended up going to several different stops that night (Jewish holiday party at District?!) My friend came up to me at some point in the night and said she didn’t feel well. I got us into a cab and she proceeded to vomit on the floor of the car. I started talking loudly so the cabbie wouldn’t hear her (they charge a $60 cab cleanup fee). We got to my place and she threw up in two spots before passing out on the bed. As soon as I laid down next to her, I threw up right on the bed. I scooped that up with a blanket, threw it in the trash and slept on my vomit wetspot.

      Needless to say, my apartment looked like the ipecac episode on Family Guy the next morning.

      NEVER AGAIN!!!!!

      • Rewind

        Ahhh I been there before…cleaning up vomit in the morning with the OD hang over…ugh

      • chameleonic

        …..speaking of best friends and hangovers and this horrible attempt to make this comment relevant because im still thinking about yesterday….

        rewind, can you do me a favor? im gonna show you one of the posts i made on my e-diary over thanksgiving and then we have to have a really deep discussion on self esteem. but no matter what you have to promise the bottom line will be ‘everyone isnt beautiful and thats okay.’

        [*holds out pinky*]

      • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

        fvcking gross.

    • http://www.iamyourpeople.com I Am Your People

      *passes the Courvorsier*

    • http://twitter.com/kjnetic Sith King Jordan aka Bruce Lil’ Wayne bka 2 Fitted Hatz

      Pour Up…. (Drank).

    • nillalatte

      We partying Lola… I got drank in my cup… leggo! :D

    • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

      ROTFLMAO! I know the feeling though. Enjoy yourself!

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

      DAT ASS!!!!!

    • Asiyah

      Lola is dancing to that “end of the semester” mambo.

    • SweetSass

      Congrats.

  • http://Www.shay-d-lady.com Shay-d-lady

    I disagree that this is a grey area. There was no consent. That was date rape the only thing that makes it grey is stupid man law rules.if a person is not able to articulate yes then the answer is no.

    • Rewind

      Yea well no one really care what a man has to say if he’s getting some from a woman unless he’s a teenager.

      Otherwise, from what I was told “you should just be happy”

      Yea that’s how they treat reverse rape.

      • Toria

        Even if he is a teen most likely they still don’t care esp if she is cute. Remember all those teachers chasing after teen boys? They get probation and a victim asking for court to go easy bc it was consensual. B.s.

        Not reverse rape. Its still rape.

        A few women I know who were raped (some in a similar situation to this one) said their body responded long before their mind pieced together what was going on.

        • Iceprincess2

          According to some far-right republicans, if your body responds, it’s not rape! Also, one can’t become pregnant as a result of legit rape. So please inform your friend that she must have wanted it, that hoe!! Jk ;)

        • Rewind

          You’re right, but in this society, men aren’t victims, even though they are. If your wife beats the shyte out of you, you’ll have to basically put cameras in your house and records months worth of attacks just to prove what you say, because no police officer takes that shyte seriously, but all it takes is one mysterious black eye from a woman to point blame to any man as the culprit.

          Rape is the same. Honestly, we could get raped in so many fashions that it’s not even funny, and no one would believe us unless it including brutaility or anal tearing or some shyte like that.

          • Asiyah

            What men need to do is stand up for themselves. Remove that stigma. Yes, men CAN be raped by females. It is possible. Lots of guys have been victims yet didn’t report it for several reasons, shame being one of them.

            • Rewind

              While this is true..it’s like changing the victim blaming game of “look how she’s dressed, she wanted it”.

              We have a problem in our society where blaming things aren’t always focused on the issue, and rather supporting features that don’t attribute to the issue.

          • Kema

            “If your wife beats the shyte out of you, you’ll have to basically put cameras in your house and records months worth of attacks just to prove what you say, because no police officer takes that shyte seriously, but all it takes is one mysterious black eye from a woman to point blame to any man as the culprit.”

            I really dont think this is the case. I think its thinking like this that causes men to not seek justice. I have a female cousin that is going to court the same way a man would because she put her hands on a man that realized he had rights also.

            • Rewind

              Well maybe things are a bit different, but even here at my job, I have a tenant who was beating on her husband for months, and the police never did anything about it no matter how many reports he filled out, because she played her role when they approached her. It’s only now when he just up and left her, and she can’t pay the rent, that the police get involved for sure now because the only way to release him from the lease properly is to put him down as a victim of domestic abuse.

              But when my female tenants come in and make those same claims, we can find them new apartments within a week.