On Love, Being In Love, And Waiting For A Train

Between Hans Zimmer’s oft-criticized but legitimately impactful score to Marion Cotillard’s Marion Cotillardness, there are a few reasons why the surprisingly rewatchable “Inception” has slowly and unexpectedly inched its way onto my “25 Favorite Movies Ever” list.

The main reason, though, has nothing to do with the special effects, the screenplay’s ambiguity, or even the experience of seeing Tom Hardy and thinking to yourself “Wait, that guy played Bane???” and everything to do with the fact that it contained one of the best (and perhaps the best) explanation of how it feels to be in love I’ve ever heard.

Mal: How could you understand? Do you know what it is to be a lover? To be half of a whole? 
Ariadne: No… 
Mal: I’ll tell you a riddle. You’re waiting for a train. A train that will take you far away. You know where you hope this train will take you; but you don’t know for sure. But it doesn’t matter. How can it not matter to you where that train will take you? 
Cobb: Because you’ll be together.

In the past several years, I’ve gone back in forth with whether it was necessary to feel this way about a person—an extension progressively fused into your whole, to be down for whatever as long as you’re together—to be in a fulfilling relationship. When I last wrote extensively about love, I argued that butterflies—and “butterflies” in this instance describes the collection of feelings possessed when in a certain type of love with someone—were insignificant, too fleeting to be able to influence something as serious as the decision to spend the rest of your life with someone.

My feelings since then have evolved. I’ve come to realize that being in love—the characteristics of it, the feelings and actions cultivated by it, even the importance of it—varies from person to person. We all have our own capacities for and expectations of love, and, while there’s really no right or wrong answers here, it’s paramount to find someone whose definition of the word mirrors your own. Basically, some people need butterflies. Some don’t.

More importantly, that butterflies post was dishonest. It wasn’t intentionally dishonest, but it was written from a place of fear. The idea of being so into someone that I literally felt their everything merging with my own scared me. Shit, it still does.

Even the language usually used to describe what happens when first realizing you’re in love (“falling”) suggests a tenuousness that should be avoided instead of pursued. Who in their right mind would sign up for a perpetual state of weightlessness, a psychosis where you allow one person—not a deity or even an idea but a living, breathing, and bleeding human f*cking being just like you—to be your everything? What sense does it make to grant someone that power?

It scared/scares me so because I knew then what I know and will admit to now: I need it too. 

I am one of those people who needs to leap, catch, and be caught in order to be fulfilled. Who looks forward to embracing both the powerlessness and the fear cultivated by it. Who needs to want and wants to need someone. Who knows exactly how all of this sounds—and exactly what all of this means—and doesn’t give a damn anymore.

What I thought would be restricting—admitting to needing something so fleeting and uncommon—has actually proven to be liberating. Owning to what I truly want has cultivated a single-mindedness that makes things a bit clearer for me now, a bit less ambiguous.

I’m waiting for a train. A train that will take me far away. I know where I hope this train will take me; but I don’t know for sure. But, as long as she’s with me, it doesn’t matter, and I hope it never will.

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

  • She Who Reads

    Yesssssss, trains!

    Casablanca. The beginning of beautiful friendships. Play it again, Sam. “As Time Goes By.”

    All we need is love. #TeamPhilly

    • She Who Reads

      “Who in their right mind would sign up for a perpetual state of weightlessness, a psychosis where you allow one person—not a deity or even an idea but a living, breathing, and bleeding human f*cking being just like you—to be your everything? What sense does it make to grant someone that power?”

      Nobody in their right mind falls in love… Nobody. But smart people fall in love all the time. I think it has something to do with those love chemicals, oxytocins and whatnot, that make smart people make this foolish decision. Because after you fall in love, you’re gone. Can’t see straight, think straight, walk straight, or talk straight. Just running around all dressed up in love like thick-girl JHud. And blissfully foolish.

  • http://www.blacklatinafabulous.WordPress.com Maris

    This reminds me of a line I heard somewhere about finding the person you know you can spend your life with- if you both were in a car accident and were paralyzed from the neck down, if you could still see yourself halving fun with them when all you can do is talk, don’t let em go.

    Now, if only I could remember where I heard it.

    This alone is the reason I need someone in my life. My memory ‘s already shit, sheesh.

    • nillalatte

      “if you could still see yourself halving fun with them when all you can do is talk, don’t let em go.”

      Profound. But, (here it comes) I often wonder if men can/do feel this way about a woman?

      • Marshal

        I know Some Men do; the Men who are still with the Women they love if they can’t Conceive Children is a perfect example, or if either one is disabled. With all the negatives that gets reported and written there sin’t enogu Positives being outlined and have the spotlight shown on them

        • nillalatte

          I asked a friend once if he could love a woman as much as he loved his child. He flat out said, “No.” No hesitation. When I told him he wasn’t ready for a true relationship, he said “I can’t love a women more than my child.” I rebutted, “I didn’t say more than, I said as much as.” That is the kind of love that I think has to exist between two people for them to really be ‘in love.’ I also think there is a huge difference from being ‘in love’ as opposed to ‘I love you’ phrases.

          • Marshal

            I don’t think that’s possible either. Ask anyone if their S/O or their Child was drowning and they could Only choose one of them to save and watch the answers and reasons.

            I am with you on the difference between I Love You and Being In Love though

            • nillalatte

              True dat. But, we’re not talking in a life or death situation. We’re talking normal everyday “I accept you as you are” kind of love. That’s the kind of love one usually has for their child. That’s the kind of love that one should have for their S/O. When folks don’t “accept you as you are” that’s when things get messy. Folks think they can change a person. You really can’t change them. You might be able to influence them to make changes. But, a person is who they are and you can either love that about them and accept that or you need to move on.

              That is the kind of love that is REAL love (to me). I accept you as you are.

              • http://qupsi.wordpress.com QuPsi

                True, you can’t change anyone, but people do change… sometimes with their partner being the catalyst.

          • Latonya

            I not going to lie I probably would fill “No hesitation love” about my child. I believe it’s separate when it come to loving your child and your mate.

          • http://VSB StaceLDN

            I was just thinking this today! Alot of people get caught up with the whole love thing that they dont know if they love or are in love with their S/O…Time changes alot of things in a relationship. A true couple need to love and be in love with eachother for the long haul for it to work out

          • LMNOP

            I’m with your friend on this one. My child is number one, and that is a whole different kind of love. You love your kid no matter what, it really is unconditional. I can’t imagine feeling that same way about a man, and I kind of feel like there SHOULD be some conditions on the love you have for a man, like if they start hitting you you would want (or I would want) to be able to turn down the love feelings to be able to take care of myself and my family.

            Also, if your friend didn’t say his kid comes first, a lot of people would think he was kind of an @sshole.

            • Wild Cougar

              She said as much as his child. Not more than, not choose between her and your child. As much as.

            • jay totha dee

              @LMNOP

              Let’s say your husband never abuses you or your children. Would it be possible to love him unconditionally then?

              • LMNOP

                you know, that’s a good question. I was thinking about it completely hypothetically, but for me to be falling in any kind of love with someone they would really have to be someone I already trust to not hurt me or my kid, not just some hypothetical man.

          • there is no “i” in team but there is a “me”

            how would one even quantify this?
            the love for your seed…your “legacy” is different than for a mate. the love for a SO always comes with conditions. for a sane human being, the love for ones kid is unconditional…all that they need do is exist.
            whereas a chick, i may be used to her, but i could fall out of love with her the following week depending on the “conditions”

            • jay totha dee

              @ there is no “i”

              Is the unconditional love for your child a choice? Is the conditional love for your wife a choice? Would you consider your wife as being a part of your legacy?

              • the dog in me

                love for a child is not a choice. nature instilled that into us, survival of the species and whatnots.

                as far as romatic love (love being an ambiguious made up word and all) for a wife/girlfriend etc….I have no control over who I fall for, I do however control rather or not to act on it.
                romantic love can change based on how your SO treats you, day of the week, zodiac, passage of time, obama etc…..

                with your kids it’s a totally different story, no matter what they do, you still love them. i’m reminded of the movie imitations of life..if you haven’t seen it i won’t spoil it, but i’ll say this: the daughter shidded on the mama every chance that she got, but mama loved her regardless….

                but hey in this world and prolly in the next one…..there are no absolutes!

                • the dog in me

                  and as far as legacy..well a wife merely carries my last name lest she remarries or do that new age thing that ya’ll do where ya’ll don’t take the husbands name…my child would carry my genetic memory into the future and keep my bloodline going…

                • nillalatte

                  “love for a child is not a choice.”

                  Oh, grasshopper, you have much to learn about the world in which we live.

                  • LMNOP

                    this seems true to me. How could you choose to stop loving your child?

                    • nillalatte

                      Some do. I was pointing that out. Myself, I can’t comprehend it, but it does happen more than we’d like to know.

                  • demondog06

                    so you chose to love your children?

                    regardless of how you answer this…just remember that i also said that there are no absolutes…

                    and i happen to know a great deal about the world. more than i care to…

                    • nillalatte

                      :) I’m just saying.. yes, I love my children and other children. They are my heart and I adore them. However, as we look around in the world today, know that not every parent needs to be a parent. I remember one girl in a counseling session that wanted absolutely nothing to do with her child. I could not comprehend that mentality. How does that happen. I was just playing the devils advocate on your statement.
                      I know you know.

                • ThatOneAKA

                  Respectfully, I disagree with this statement:
                  “as far as romatic love (love being an ambiguious made up word and all) for a wife/girlfriend etc….I have no control over who I fall for…”

                  You DO have control over who you fall for. You decide if you are going to be open to receive love and thus have control over with whom you “fall” in love with. Too me, love is a choice and not some random act that “just happens.”

            • LMNOP

              I was wondering how you could quantify that too. I feel like the love for your child and the love for a SO are just different.

              Like I love many, many foods, but I can’t pick a favorite. I love cheesecake and I love a slice of good pizza, but I couldn’t pick which one I love more, because I love them differently.

          • http://www.BlackLatinaFabulous.wordpress.com Maris

            It’s funny, because if you ever go to counseling, ESPECIALLY in the church, they always say you have to put your relationship FIRST in order for the marriage to survive. You know, like greet your spouse first when you come in from work/always schedule time type of thing.

            Not sure where that translated to “stay with your partner even if he treats you like sh*t, beats you and molests your children”. I’m still trying to figure that one out.

            • Marshal

              Exactly, then hte part of the weddings vows For Better Or Worse is something that 98% of people can Never Agree to. IJS

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            i’m guessing you all already know how I feel about this (quick summary: sorry, kiddo)

      • http://www.BlackLatinaFabulous.wordpress.com Maris

        Actually, that line CAME from a guy.

        Now if I could only remember where I heard it!!!!!

        • nillalatte

          LOLOL… someone wrote this on FB one day…

          “It’s easy to take off your clothes and have sex. People do it all the time. But opening up your soul to someone, letting them into your spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes, dreams… that is being naked.”

          I posted it and got into this discussion with my guy as his post was all of that plus… “then get naked and pound the hell out of them.” I rebutted, “Not sure a man could feel this way.” He wrote back, “It was A MAN that wrote that!”

          Egg on my face. I looked it up. Sure enough.

          ― Rob Bell

    • chameleonic

      if im ever that disabled, put me down like a horse with two broken legs. that isnt life.

      • Marshal

        So you saying Paraplegics are not worthy of Love and can’t do Anything of value towards society???? That’s Insulting and Offensive coming from anyone, especially the likes of you -_-

        • Ms. Bridget

          Well, that was a leap!

          • http://twitter.com/kjnetic sith king jordan

            VSB…where we leap like we’re doing triple jumps?

            • the dog in me

              and eat croutons like potato chips……

      • LMNOP

        you know, as hard as it is to think about something like that, people can get used to all kinds of things if they have to. Some people even end up happier, because maybe they can’t walk, but they appreciate everything they can do more.

      • Juiciest Mango

        @ chameleonic,

        Any particular reason why you expressed this sentiment?

        • chameleonic

          a life in such a limited existence would be unbearably miserable unless youre steven hawkings.

  • http://www.aworknprogress.com Diana

    “Don’t ever think I fell for you, or fell over you. I didn’t fall in love, I rose in it.” Toni Morrison, Jazz

    Good night and good luck. Too all of us!

    • She Who Reads

      Ooooh, Morrison always has a rhema word. Yesssssss for rising in love.

    • Beautifullyhuman

      I like this a lot!

    • Toria

      +1 to this

    • AfroPetite

      *Swoon*

      Three snaps for Toni

    • forgot my name

      That’s a great quote!

      • YeahSo

        indeed

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      it took me 8 years to read jazz

      • http://www.aworknprogress.com Diana

        Lol smiley face at you! I’m no Toni Morrison stan, but sometimes she gives you a word that defines, epitomizes the human soul and condition and it’s so beautiful, sincere, and also concise and clear- you be like hell yeah! Now let me try to get through the rest of this page. Heh.

  • http://www.iamyourpeople.com I Am Your People

    Love? Never been there, never done that *sigh*

    But Inception scared the mess out of me. That whole losing track of reality and the space-time continuum… *head explodes*

    • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

      You’ll find it. And in a way you’re lucky. The later in life we find love the more we know ourselves and then we can really give who we are. And that gives you a better chance of finding the right person.

      • Latonya

        Why find love so hard? 1 Corinthians 13: 4 say “love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self – seeking, it is not easily angered” but its hard finding someone who fits this standard of what the bible say about true love. Especially in the world we live in.

        • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

          That’s a nice definition of love for sure.

        • jay totha dee

          @ Latonya

          I think for many the focus is on their future spouses and their ability to meet the standard while giving little to no thought on how they themselves will behave. It’s a tall order for anyone. One important component in a healthy relationship is the ability to do your part even when you feel your partner has become lax.

    • chameleonic

      inception is the only movie i watch and i just let it happen, follow what is put to me without tryna make sense of things. i dont believe anything in it because it could be the dream but i at least just assume it is one and just enjoy what im seeing. even so, what got me….why did cobbs kids have on the same outfit every time they were showed?

      [*squints eyes*]

      • Marshal

        It was Cobb’s last “real” memory of them before he fled. Why they had the same clothes on at the End of the movie: you got me right there

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      have you seen memento? if inception made your head explode, that movie might make your…head explode again

      • cece

        Memento will make you rethink everything you’ve seen in that movie…repeatedly. With every new scene, you’re constantly questioning what you know, but you’re too intrigued to rewind and try to figure it out. The DVD had a flip side where you could watch it from beginning to end, but I was still confused. Love the movie, though!

        • Iceprincess2

          Dude, I was just telling some of my guy friends about “momento” the other day! They told me to GTFOH; they thought it was a romantic movie because of the name rotfl. Then I made them watch it & they were like ooooooh shiiiiiiiiiiiit.

      • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

        Memento was a really good film.

  • Toria

    I’ve always thought that being really in love with someone is when you aren’t afraid of the response when you tell them you love them because it just has to be said. Reciprocity of those feelings is the cherry on top.

    I’ve found that butterflies for me occur in a cyclical way. I discover new things and fall in love with that aspect of them in a completely new way.

    But for real though, I don’t care where I am or where I’m going as long as he’s there to share in the experience.

    • Asiyah

      “Reciprocity of those feelings is the cherry on top.”

      Good point.

    • LMNOP

      “I’ve found that butterflies for me occur in a cyclical way. I discover new things and fall in love with that aspect of them in a completely new way.”

      That is so sweet.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “I’ve always thought that being really in love with someone is when you aren’t afraid of the response when you tell them you love them because it just has to be said. ”

      or maybe you don’t want to tell them because you have too much to lose if it’s not reciprocated.

      • Iceprincess2

        This ^^ I’m with you champ. Even if I love the sh*t out of someone, I’m to stubborn to say it. I gaurd my heart by any means necessary.

      • Toria

        That’s very, very true.

  • Royale W. Cheese

    I’ve been in love, even without the butterflies. Unfortunately I have yet to meet someone who isn’t scared sh*tless of love.

    I’ve heard a million versions of the “awkward/nerd in school, turned down by the cute girls, shot down after pouring my heart out, heart turned cold” story. I’ve heard this story a million times because that is the type of guy I date. Been dating him for years and years. I understand the brick wall. However, this is my world, I am a lover, and I don’t deserve the wall. So if a guy is scared, I’m sorry. I need a lover, not a coward.

    *end of rant*

    • Marshal

      Well Damn, I guess you ahve always been the Dumper rather than been the Dumpee

      • Marshal

        *have

      • Royale W. Cheese

        I’ve dumped, and have been dumped, all around this issue of the guy’s fear of love.

        • JULES

          Why bacon taste good…porkchops taste good…

    • Sweet GA Brown

      “Unfortunately I have yet to meet someone who isn’t scared sh*tless of love.”

      Yes you have. Those are the ones we consider crazy or psycho.

      You never had a person pour out there heart and soul about how much they love you and they dont even know you that well?
      Or the guy that likes you way more than you like them and you know that you have to end it because his crazy is starting to show?

      • chameleonic

        word. what always gets me is said person is OBVIOUSLY and with all the kindest intentions in the world, in love. and they just get all kinds of a bad rep because theyre selfless and brave enough to show you. i think fear and denial is what makes you throw people under the bus.

      • Royale W. Cheese

        Yeah. He’s married.

        • Royale W. Cheese

          Actually, strike that last comment. That particular case doesn’t fit.

          “You never had a person pour out there heart and soul about how much they love you and they dont even know you that well? Or the guy that likes you way more than you like them and you know that you have to end it because his crazy is starting to show?”

          I hear you, but that isn’t the “roll with the punches” type of love that Todd very nicely described down-thread. The “in it for the long haul” comfortable, non-glittery type of love is what I find lots of guys are scared of. They feel like it’s going to destroy them and turn them into a dull stable swagger-less mature person, God forbid.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            “They feel like it’s going to destroy them and turn them into a dull stable swagger-less mature person, God forbid.”

            that is a legitimate fear, though. i totally understand why someone would shy away from feeling that way

    • the dog in me

      damn….a coward tho?!

      yikes! thats harsh……

    • Asiyah

      “However, this is my world, I am a lover, and I don’t deserve the wall.”

      YES!!!!

  • Marshal

    This might be the exact reasoning why us guys are hesitant to Fall in Love; this kind of power can’t be controlled and managed 100%, IMHO. It’s the Greatest Aspect and WorstWeakness for a Man to be Everything to a Woman and at the same time Not be Everything Himself, as if all the lessons and talk of Masculinity means Nothing without a Feminine presence.

    *I apologize if this offends any LGBT people. I just had my cousin who is a lesbian read this and she felt alienated by this, which wasn’t my intention so I’m just apologizing in advance

    • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

      Why was she offended by this?

      • Marshal

        Because all talk about things like this and Relationships in general never include a LGBT perspective, which she is right about. I’m not a LGBT person and while I, my cousin and the LGBT acquaintances I have don’t speak about sex and relationships in a way that offends, Some do unintentionally and on purpose.

        • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

          Yeah, well, we live in a hetero-normative society. So although sometimes it is frustrating, I’ve learnd to adjust and just express my point of view anyway.

          It’s sort of like how 99.9999% of the love we see represented in the media is between White people. While this is frustrating as a Black person, we learn to somehow see what we want/ need to see in our minds-eye and then it’s more tolerable.

          • Marshal

            True

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            our relationships that much different, though? i mean, i know there are differences, but it would seem like the effect love has on people would transcend race, culture, and sexual orientation.

            • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

              Pretty much.

            • Marshal

              Thiat’s what I think, but I guess when just about every piece of literature and what is shown on tv and film is heterosexual and can be shown to “show” what’s said or written; LGBT people don’t necessarily have that without any sort of comedy or some other genre mixed in it. Could you imagine a LGBT version of The Notebook, Love Jones, Jason’s Lyric, etc??? IJA

              • LMNOP

                It would be nice to have more LGBT characters in movies and TV and I guess in hypothetical examples in comments on blogs, because it would be nice for people who are LGBT (especially younger ones) to be able to see that, and really even if you are straight, you can relate to all of that love/ relationship stuff, and I think that could make people more open minded and accepting. Also I think really rigid gender roles that we see on TV and movies are really damaging.

  • Beautifullyhuman

    “Who looks forward to embracing both the powerlessness and the fear cultivated by it. Who needs to want and wants to need someone. Who’s waiting on a train that may never actually come, but doesn’t care as long as she’s here.”

    *raises hand*

    I’m so down with this. I feel you 100%. I can’t wait to meet the man I’ll lose myself in & become completely vulnerable with. I’ve been in love once, but there was always something missing. I just never felt completely vulnerable and comfortable with risking my sense of control.

    I look forward to that one day. The complete weightlessness of love. The only thing I can pray for is that when he does finally come his sentiment mirrors mine.

    …cuz if it don’t that would f*cking suck.

    • Beautifullyhuman

      Champ, I love the honesty in this post. I’m such a SUCKA for love.

      *sigh*

      …it’s the hopeless romantic in me. My softness gets the best of me sometimes. Lol

    • mena

      Agreed BH.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      good luck and shit

  • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

    “…it’s paramount to find someone whose definition of the word mirrors your own.”

    I don’t agree. I think that only applies to puppy love. Puppy love is supposed to be easy. You totally get each other and all that. Adult love means that if we have different definitions of love we are willing to accept our partners definition and they willing to accept ours.

    This is why so many adult relationships fail, because we spend our time trying to find someone who mirrors us rather than someone who compliments us. And, finding two adults with the same definition of love is almost impossible anyway. Humans are way too complicated and have so much emotional baggage that this almost never happens.

    Plus, if two people did have the same exact definition of love, how boring would that be?

    • nillalatte

      “someone who compliments us”

      Exactly. Their weakness is my strength. Their strength is my weakness. That is a wonderful combination.

      • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

        Yep, it is.

    • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

      And, sometimes in the very beginning of a relationship, during the “honeymoon” phase, it can appear that both people have the same definition of love. But, once the relationship matures and people start really showing who they are and what they need, it quickly becomes apparent that how we view love is such a unique thing that no one else can truly have the same definition. And that’s when the hard work of a relationship begins in earnest.

      • Kopa

        I met a man once who I had very warm feelings for, but he said he loved me way too soon for it to be real. Before we knew each other, before we had even kissed or hugged he already said he loved me. And I knew that I couldn’t be with him because he could never love me like I could love him. The way I define love does not allow you to be in love without knowing the other inside and out.

        Don’t know if that makes sense, it’s way too late at night for me. :)

        • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

          I think his mistake wasn’t being in love so fast as much it was saying it aloud so fast.

          • http://www.twitter.com/mcnairian5 Fiveisthenumber

            You could never love him like he loved you! It was love at first sight for him, he knew it, expressed it and it scared you.

            • the dog in me

              exactly!
              i’m a firm believer in animal magnetisim…love at 1st site. it’s simply a matter of chemistry and organics. people make this far more complicated than it needs to be

              dude showed his hand too soon which can make a person seem needy and clingy. that turned her off.
              can’t say that i blame her though

              • http://missrosen.wordpress.com esa

                yay on animal energies ~*~

                i’m a tiger. my last man was a bear. this was us for a minute ::

                http://snuzzy.com/bear-and-tiger-best-friends/

                yeaa

                • the dog in me

                  that picture is disgustingly adorable…one would almost forget that these are apex predators that will kill you………(o_O)

                  • http://missrosen.wordpress.com esa

                    story of these animals is dope. drug dealer in Georgia got his animals impounded (i guess) and they were three males: a baby lion, baby tiger, and baby bear.

                    they were raised together by a husband wife team, five apex predators with true love for each other because both necessary and unnecessary violence is learned behavior.

                    • The Demondog he be……

                      soooo they didn’t end up eating the married couple….

                      well that story had a sad ending (0_o)

          • The Guy Formerly Know As Hmmmm

            but he wasnt being a coward.

        • BeautifullyHuman

          Did you think his feelings were genuine though?

          Although, you shun quickly falling in love with someone without truly knowing them, perhaps it was love at first sight for him like Fiveisthenumber stated. Maybe he just knew when it came to you.

        • the dog in me

          do ever really know a muthafukka?
          people can be together for 20 years only to find that they’re complete strangers.

          • BeautifullyHuman

            +100

          • http://missrosen.wordpress.com esa

            thinking you know someone can lead to complacency. expecting to someone know you can foster co-dependency.

            letting go is knowing you don’t know and going with the flow and riding those waves til they crash you against the rocks or drop you off a waterfall or even, ohh even so possible, they drop you off on shore in the gentle sunshine of a new day.

            the unknowable mystery is of the other is one of the many splendors of love and the cause of so much fear. but ayo fuuuk it, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing” and thas Helen Keller talking ..

            • The Demondog he be……

              ” but ayo fuuuk it, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing”

              ya heard me?!

              sometimes you just gotta put the blind fold on then dive teeth 1st into oncoming traffic!!!!!

    • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

      Agreed. That why as I got older, I started asking older couples how they did it (or didn’t do it, as the case may be). It’s one thing to be young and in love. It’s another to love that same person through the trials and tribulations of life. Even the rich and famous have their share of personal drama. It’s that ability to roll with the punches of life and somehow negotiate how you’re going to support each other that impresses me. What makes love interesting is that no two people are going to love in exactly the same way. It’s that dance that revives when it’s in full bloom and drains when it isn’t.

      • Ms. Bridget

        I asked a couple married 70 years (very old couple married very young) “what’s the secret?”. The lady replied, “just treat each other nice”…that’s it. Blew.my.mind. Since then, I’ve found her advice to be true.

        • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

          its true tho…sometimes its that simple to just BE with someone, we get too into our own heads sometimes

          • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

            It’s simple to describe, hard to do. So many people are caught in their own heads that they’d need Seal Team 6 to get them out. It’s a much harder skill than it sounds.

        • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

          i saw on television. they interviewed an old, old couple and asked what the secret was. they said “be nice and don’t argue.” LOL couldn’t be that simple could it??

          • BeautifullyHuman

            Makes a whole lot of sense.

            • the dog in me

              a wise old woman once told me that love only comes down to 2 things:
              respect
              affection

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “I don’t agree. I think that only applies to puppy love. Puppy love is supposed to be easy. You totally get each other and all that. Adult love means that if we have different definitions of love we are willing to accept our partners definition and they willing to accept ours.”

      we’ll agree to disagree, then. the scenario you speak of sounds like a disaster to me.

  • nillalatte

    This is a really deep subject. It is subjective on emotion and the irrational as well as the rational. I could write a lengthy post, but all I’m gonna say is I don’t think ‘love’ just happens, but grows.

    • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

      True. The falling in love thing just happens but love may or may not grow from that point. That’s when the work starts to grow that ‘in love’ thing into real love.

    • Ms. Bridget

      Yes! I just posted about this lower down. We, eventually, choose love.

      • Asiyah

        “And think not you can direct the course of love; for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.” (Khalil Gibran)

        Or do we really choose love? Hmm…

    • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

      I think both things are true. Love happens and it grows- or it dies.