Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Featured, Race & Politics, Theory & Essay

On Head Scarves, Bed Time, and Women’s Hair

While I rep Philly to the death of me, there is a very big part of me that was born in Washington, D.C. The best parts of me come alive when I’m in the District, probably because most of the friends I love best in the world have scattered themselves somewhere between Baltimore and Alexandria.

Coming back to D.C. is something I do regularly. It’s a pilgrimage that keeps my soul glowing, a refurbishment to my wills to misbehave and do whatever the fuck it is I intend to do in a given moment. I am at my absolute best in Washington, D.C., and at am at Peak Maya when sitting around with my homegirls having bottomless mimosa brunch while I’m there, which I did last weekend.

Brunch is different things for different people. For me, more than anything, it’s an opportunity to fellowship and get vitals on everyone’s goings on. Sometimes, I it starts off like this: “Is there any new business?” and folks report as needed about jobs, real estate, boys, whatever. Brunch is also an opportunity to get advice on the fuckshit happening in one’s own life and to ask life’s burning questions.

This was last week’s: “How many times do y’all spend the night with a man before you break out the scarf?”

The bougiest one at the table [not me, shut your mouths] responded, “Well, if we’re dating for—“

“No,” I interjected. “Not how many dates. How many times are you sleeping over here or is he sleeping at your spot before you pull out the scarf?”

There was a pause and break around the table while everyone stopped to consider.

“Does this count for natural hair too? Like, how quickly am I putting my Celie plaits in?”

“Yes. Doobies. Pin curls. Retwisting. Scarving. Whatever you do. How early?”

One friend said four visits. Another said if the sleepovers are planned she’ll throw her hair in a bun before the night begins. Yet another said that after sex, she waits until her boyfriend falls asleep and gets up in the middle of the night to pin curl her hair. Keep in mind, they’ve been to-gether about four years.

The presumption, of course, is that if you’re sleeping with a black man he knows that there’s a routine and that eventually the scarf — the big, multicolored atrocity that keeps edges in tact and hair laid — is going to happen.

Me, myself, personally? I enjoy maintaining the illusion (either that, or my pride is just too damn big); I don’t think I can bring myself to do it before night five, and that’s with a fro. The idea of retwisting my hair at a new man’s house makes my skin crawl, so I bring every product I need in a travel size in case I gotta start over in the morning. Straight hair means Maya’s wearing three—yes, three—scarves to bed.

I posed this question to my girlfriends for the rest of the week. My line sister responded with her usual candor.

“I’m trash, Maya. I’m wearing that shit from the jump. I’m answering my door with that shit on. You’ve seen my hair cute, and you know I’m black so you know I wear one. A scarf has never stopped me from having sex. I don’t have time to pretend for these niggas. I just…nope. Day One.”

Another friend (who is marrying a white guy) said, “I waited awhile. Probably about three months in. And then I lied like it was some recent discovery, ‘My hair salon said I need to do this.’ (He knows it was a lie now, I confessed).”

There were more creative responses about satin pillow cases [doesn’t work], laying the scarf out on the pillow [nope] and other means of trying to “sleep cute.”

It all comes back to the unavoidable, that the scarf is eventually making its appearance and the real ones understand this (and generally, don’t care). And in some cases, it can represent a sense of comfort and normalcy. Once, in a moment of sleepiness, I had a man remind me to wrap my hair. He was rewarded for his thoughtfulness.

So, I’ve polled everyone I know. Now I’m going to pose this question to you: Ladies, how many nights before you tie your hair up? Fellas, how soon is too soon? Does it not matter? Am I just sensitive? Probably, but humor me anyway.

Maya Francis

Maya K. Francis is a culture writer and communications strategy consultant. When not holding down the Black Girl Beat for VSB, she is a weekly columnist for Philadelphia Magazine's "The Philly Post" and contributes to other digital publications including xoJane, Esquire, and EBONY.com. Sometimes TV and radio producers are crazy enough to let her talk on-air, and she helped write a book once. She cites her mother and Whitley Gilbert as inspirations.

  • LadyIbaka

    I never wore headscarves, because well, they come off at night. They stayed sliding and shid. So, my go to coverup was you guessed it, old stockings with holes in em. There was no advance warning. Oh, and they were always light brown. I don’t alter my bed image to impress anybody. When I’m in bed, I’m all about comfort. In any case, he done seen the anatomy in all its glory, so what’s a brown sock with holes got to do with love, no?

    • Very true. Who are these dudes who act brand new about women’s routines?

      • Maya K. Francis

        A friend told me that if a woman puts on her scarf the first night over, it’s a sign that she’s too comfortable and he’s turned off. I said “Well, what if she looks a hot mess the next morning ’cause she didn’t wear one?” He said, “It’s cool, ’cause I’ll know why. Don’t wear that over here too soon.”

        I don’t make the news, I just report it.

        • @Ms. Maya:
          Always consider the source, my dear.
          More in today’s commentary by yours truly; in the words of Mr. Chuck D: don’t believe the hype…
          O.

    • Headscarves ain’t loyal

    • It also serves a double purpose.
      You can just pull it over your face, and you could rob a bank.
      The holes are in there and everything already.

  • DG

    Ya’ll act like we ain’t been seeing scarves as long as ya’ll been wearing ’em. I have a sister, a mama, a niece, and a whole bunch of aunts and female cousins. I think it’s strange if you don’t break out the scarf from jump. Just my 0.02, tho.

    • anon in CA

      yeah but you’re not sleeping with your female relatives so they probably don’t care how they look in your presence.

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      Don’t say that, so many dudes still be thinking the chick at the club is gonna be looking like a stunner after stuffing her face in a pillow for 20 minutes of secks and a night of her drooling like she’s doped up to the tenth degree. That’s why they think we are all stupid on this topic. All the mommas, sisters, aunties, and cousins in the world aint stopped some men from just totally not getting it.

      • Who are these negroes, and what can we do to kick them out the race? Like seriously? If I make it do what it do, you aren’t going to be on full glamor mode anyway. That’s why ideally, you try to meet women at their baseline. Remember, that baseline face is what you’re going to be waking up to, so you’d better like it.

        EDIT: And what in the entire f*ck is up with VSB nation and 20 minutes of $ex? That’s just the warm-up act. An hour is if I’m not really in the mood to hump but are just messing around. I’m gonna need you to do better man.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          Listen, all the dating game is about is paying for somebody elses mistakes until the balance is nearly done.

          And you the one with the hedonistic life, but some of never touched it. That, and some women really do tap out after a good session

          • You’re so right about people paying for someone else’s mistakes. And is it just me, or are women who tap out too quickly untrustworthy? I feel like the type of woman who taps out after 15 minutes would rather watch paint dry that hump me, and would have no problem slitting my throat for a Whopper Extra Value meal.

            Or is that just me?

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              Its just you. All boxes ain’t created equally, and sometimes the size we have fits that box so well, that she don’t need to be stretched out for long. But i admit, it does make us lazy after a while, if she don’t need much persuassion for each session.

              Man you’re the one with the interesting past, i should be getting the info from you on how long its supposed to go.

            • CrayolaGirl

              Todd, maybe you are a bit…overwhelming. Maybe she taps out to get her mind right.

              • :( Have you been following me around with a hidden camera these past few months? The stories that have come out in my personal life make me sad and scared.

                • CrayolaGirl

                  Just taking a wild guess (you’re intense here sometimes) Hope the sadness and scariness doesn’t last too long for you.

                  • I don’t want to put all my business out there, but I will say this. When people you know about ’bout that life are low-key coming off wary, it makes you sit back and re-evaluate things. Also, I had a few people near and dear to me that I’ve known for a while come out as being overwhelmed but wanting me around to prove a point to others. Thankfully, there are women that are still down, but it makes you sit back and think like the old Streisand song “Can It Be That It Was All So Simple Then?” While I have been having fun and re-adjusting to single life, it also forced me to deal with some issues that the drama surrounding my marriage pushed to the back burner.

                    There’s a lot of stuff going on there, man.

                    • @Mr. Todd:
                      I’ve been wanting to ask you this for some time (haven’t forgotten our discussion re: swinging, etc. either; looking to revisit that at some point soon):

                      Given what you have been through insofar as your (failed) marriage is concerned, along with other details of your younger life in the home, do you think there is anything to be said for the notion that Black Americans tend to eschew counseling and the like? If so, why do you think this is, and how pervasive do you think it is? Please feel free to elaborate.

                      Thanks!

                      O.

                    • The short answer from navigating the mental health system is Oh F*ck Yeah Black people avoid it.

                      The long answer is historical. I remember coming across information that as recently as the 60s, it wasn’t thought that Black people could be mentally ill because they were naturally happy. That happy singing coon stereotype has had real consequences. Also, from what few Black people I saw around the system, unless you’re seeing visions, are an immediate danger to yourself or others or are obviously disturbed, there’s a bit of a chicken and egg problem. Black people are uncomfortable opening up with their issues because they are so few mental health professionals that look like them and understand their struggle. On the flip side, outside of addiction counseling, few Black people actually know enough about the profession to get involved. Psychiatry and psychology are practically begging Black people to get involved, but they are a lot of unknown unknowns in their recruiting efforts.

                      Throw in the (perfectly rational) distrust of the medical profession in general within the Black community and the image of your typical patient as some upper middle class suburban White woman, mental health has a long road to hoe, and I think at best the change will be evolutionary, not revolutionary.

        • CrayolaGirl

          Exactly. Since I rarely wear makeup, you have my baseline. The scarf would be the same as me wearing a hat.

        • Man… i be having to go to work in the morning. We can EP on the weekends. I ain’t sayin it’s 20 minutes, but if an hour roll around and that grand grip of death ain’t happened, i’m givin rain checks. LITERALLY.

        • Baseline every time. The representative ain’t loyal.

      • Man I’d prefer a scarf to an ill-hidden WIG anyday. You ever come across a wig mid-sleep stroll to the toilet? in the DARK? So you just gon leave a SCALP in broad-day, huh? must be a redskins fan.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          You ever seen a wig move mid-secks? That was a major “re-evaluate why I like Black women so much” moment.

          • it ain’t so bad after the first time though. had to pull out the black card, charge it to the game.

    • For real. I’ve never thought about this, DG. Like ever. I didn’t even know this was a concern.

      • @Wu Young:
        I’m just curious: do you have any concerns at all? I’m not trying to be flippant, just very curious for reasons I’ll reveal if/when you respond. Thanks.
        O.

        • Sure I have concerns. Something trivial like a pretty woman who I’m spending the night/rest of my life with doesn’t matter.

          Word to Marlo Stansfield but the head scarf situation “Sounds like one those good problems.”

          As far as actually concerns I prioritize them. I was raised by people who were born and partially remember Great Depression so my perspective is based on the “fix it or shut the f*** up” train of thought. Yes, that can make me cold and robotic (I’m working on that) but it keeps me going.

          I also deal with actual depression so I compartmentalize the ish out of things so that I again don’t become lost in the muck of said depression.

          • @Wu Young:
            I can relate; my father, who was born and spent much of his early life in Savannah during the Great Depression, was much the same way. On some levels, it was definitely a good thing – but, as your clinical depression speaks to, it has its down sides.

            The “Cool Pose” that Black Men have invented and perfected to cope with the pressures of life in America, has in my view been a Blessing and a Curse. It has been directly responsible for many of the things Black Men have to contend with alone, in silence, often in shame. Clinical depression is but one of them (insanely high levels of hypertension, high blood pressure, high-risk taking behaviors, self-medicating via alcohol/drugs/s*x etc.).

            I think we developed what I refer to as “Klingon Culture” in Black American life, that is especially injurious to Black males, and explains a tremendous deal of the serious levels of dysfunction we see in American life. Like the fictional Klingons, Black males are expected to be impervious to all manner of physical, mental and emotional pain and harm, and to “soldier on” in the event we suffer any of it. In fact, like Klingons, the very admission of being hurt, is tantamount to bringing dishonor, not just on oneself, but upon their entire “House”.

            I’d like to get your thoughts about this.

            Comments?

            O.

            • I never personally equated my compartmentalization as the “Cool pose” simply because those around me wouldn’t buy it for a second and I’ve never been one to beguile my thoughts even to myself. I just simply set aside time to deal with them when I could.

              I wouldn’t slap the yoke of the “Klingon Culture” around just the necks of black dudes, because lower-class white boys, Latinos, and others have the same issues. As it speaks to us [all black people] vestiges of it is there and both sexes have shoveled inordinate amounts of sh** so there are very specific pieces of the warrior crap that can exist. Some of that rested with our prior generations also. (Oddly enough, my parents always made it clear that getting help wasn’t a weakness but it was the b**ching and moaning part that hamstrung your progress.) Among the men I call friends we’ve all had to deal with varying issues but being that we’re in the age range of 29-40 we all sought out help.

              Thankfully I see that mindset is changing on some levels.

              • @Wu Young:

                “I never personally equated my compartmentalization as the “Cool pose” simply because those around me wouldn’t buy it for a second and I’ve never been one to beguile my thoughts even to myself. I just simply set aside time to deal with them when I could.

                “I wouldn’t slap the yoke of the “Klingon Culture” around just the necks of black dudes, because lower-class white boys, Latinos, and others have the same issues.”

                O: I would beg to differ, given the indices we can go by and are by now quite well documented and well known. I have always wondered why so many Black folks are so quick to want to tag our unique problems and challenges on other groups, as if somehow it makes it better. I prefer to look unblinkingly at things and proceed from there, sans any need whatever to “link it up” to other folks.

                “As it speaks to us [all black people] vestiges of it is there and both sexes have shoveled inordinate amounts of sh** so there are very specific piec es of th e warrior crap that can exist.”

                O: Black Women have much more on the way of cultural space, and tradition, to “bitch and moan” than Black Men do – put that together along with the general tenor and tone of the times, where it is now a Moral Good(TM) to be “empathetic” toward female concerns in our culture presently, and, well, there you go.

                “Some of that rested with our prior generations also. (Oddly enough, my parents always made it clear that getting help wasn’t a weakness but it was the b**ching and moaning part that hamstrung your progress.)”

                O: Interesting; I would be curious to know if they thought the counseling process, you know the proverbial laying down on the couch and talking about one’s feelings for what can be years, was tantamount to “bitching and moaning”?

                “Among the men I call friends we’ve all had to deal with varying issues but being that we’re in the age range of 29-40 we all sought out help.”

                O: Hmm…I’m a bit outside of that cohort, and I see very little evidence of this being the case in these parts. I’m in Philly, and have traveled around a bit.

                “Thankfully I see that mindset is changing on some levels.”

                O: Perhaps; again, I see very little evidence of this being the case, and if this forum is any indication, there may even be a retrenchment in some respects…

                O.

                • In their heads “bitching and moaning” doesn’t equal counseling. “bitching and moaning” to them was just whining and not taking in steps to get better.

                  Again, this is among my circle of friends.Some from my hometown and some not all put the work in. As a whole we have to put more work in to fix us.

                  • @Wu Young:
                    Ah. I would say that your parents, especially given their locale (the South, right?), are fairly unique, given that Black folks on the whole are rather averse to the very idea or notion of ANY kind of remedial help, and that’s not just with regard to traditional counseling, either.

                    For example, in this forum I have noticed a very real aversion to the very notion that a Black Man would have difficulty chatting up the ladies, and that specific, regimented remediation may be required. This is something that just doesn’t have the same kind of aversion in the White community by comparison, and I have always wondered why that is. I say it’s a combination of the aforementioned Klingon Culture, coupled with the Mandingo Myth. And it is quite powerful, indeed.

                    O.

      • Kim

        Believe it or not, there are guys who aren’t with the program. I be asking god why he even make those.

      • DG

        Yeah, folk…it doesn’t even register on my radar.
        How’s life treating you in the Chuck?

        • Typical summers in Charleston. Too many Ohioans and too many young cats who lack proper conflict resolution skills. Same thing in Allendale, sans the Ohioans. You still in O-burg?

          • DG

            Naw man…gave up the ‘Burg a year ago. In the DC area now…worlds apart. Still adjusting to the new surroundings, but enjoying for the most part.

    • Rachmo

      The real trick comes if you’re not dating a guy with a Black mom/sisters. Even then I can wait but so long before the scarf comes out

      • menajeanmaehightower

        Exactly. With a black dude, it isn’t a problem. Even a Hispanic guy i would be good. With a white guy though, and one that’s never dated a black woman or a black woman with nappy hair (because their are levels to a black woman’s hair), i would feel some type of way. It’s still coming out but i would wonder.

        • Rachmo

          Nothing like wrapping my hair with an asian #bae watching anime in the background. Real talk though across the board it wasn’t a huge thing after a Q&A. One White dude bought me the pillowcase for his place just in case which was sweet.

    • I think the issue at hand is that family ain’t around to impress you. What you see is what you get….
      oooo…representatives aside ppl. #WrapItUp
      But ppl, i see your headscarf clock and raise you this question:
      How long before you do that pre-sechs-pee with your lover around?
      Cuz that flush is ALWAYS awkward.

      • Kozy

        ummm immediately. no grace period.

        if I know we’re about to pull the rip cord on our action pants, getting all the working parts in order and ready for full articulation is key.

        also: wtf should she care about what i’m doing in the bathroom, especially if it’s something she’s gonna (read: should) do after we finish anyway?

        • all im sayin is if i know she’s gonna rock the mic right, i dont wanna walk out with p in the tip, but i aint tryin hold it the whole time (an hour if you’re todd). and vice versa with the ladies. service with a smile. no golden ANYTHING.

          • Kozy

            Not sure why I keep hearing ladies say this has been a problem for the menfolk.

            Dudes: TP exists for both #1’s AND #2’s. the women seem to have figured this out eons before most men who still seem to think a few shakes will suffice.

            nah, bruh. throw a few squares at it. everybody wins.

      • Guest

        I’m not going to hold mine so he shouldn’t hold his. TBH, I would stop s3x if I really had to go that bad.

      • Pre-$ex pee isn’t the issue. I’m assuming that I’ve seen you step off to the bathroom before if we’re humping. The only real issue is dropping a deuce in an unusual spot, though you can manage around that if you’re smart.

        • Maya K. Francis

          I don’t do that at other people’s houses. Sorry. Rule. Across the board.

          • Agreed. Not at other people’s house or at work.

            • Maya K. Francis

              Yeah. Not at work either. Or restaurants. Just home. Lol.

        • CamCamtheGreat

          Define “unusual spot.” All my business seems to happen in a bathroom.

      • Maya K. Francis

        I’m not sure how sex can be enjoyable if you have to pee. And women should definitely be peeing afterwards lest one of those menacing UTIs come a-creeping.

        The more you know.

      • Pre-$ex pee isn’t an issue to me. But I like to freshen up/wash up afterwards.

    • miss t-lee

      Thank you.

  • cakes_and_pies

    I’m extra new here, so how do y’all say this? There’s levels.
    First couple times, nothing. I’d probably worry about him putting me in a bedtime choke hold while I try to strain my neck to keep my hair “layed”. I may wake up angry the morning, but you still get fluffy eggs and pancakes, and bacon, but not my apple juice. I’m hostile, but we still gotta eat.

    Third night? The pretty vacation scarf that slips off my eyes rendering me blind all night? We’re going out to eat because I can figure comb my hair.
    Subsequent nights? (Absent twists and braids) You get old faithful. Faithfully stayed with me through natural, permed, braids, and with everyone doing staccato poetry phase. I look cute, we’re going to brunch.

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      One day you’re gonna slip up and wear the raggedy scarf after a night of bomb secks and he’s gonna think a burglar is cooking him breakfast.

      Us men love when women are being cute, but in the same breath, yall can do a boner killer in an instant…instead of sneaking stuff or hiding it, it doesn’t hurt to engage us like we do have a bit common sense, because at least if we over 25, we should know the Black Girl Hair Rules. And if he don’t……RUUUUUUN!

  • Back when I was really insecure about myself I would sleep in my wigs smh Now though? I don’t have time for any man who is out here worried about a scarf/bonnet. You know what it is. You’ve seen your mother, auntie, sister, etc. with it. Get on up in this bed and lemme give you this mouth without my hair getting all in the way ;-)

    • cryssi

      That last sentence gave me life, lmbo

    • nillalatte

      But, what they gonna hold on to doe?

      • Ummm nothing. Enjoy the scenery while keeping their hands away from my scalp.

      • The whole hair grabbing thing is a women specific thing. I would only do that on request.

        • I met one sista into it……..usually a favorite of women on the other end of the melanin spectrum

          • Keeping it real, I’m nervous about when a Black girl asks. I’m wondering if this a Miranda moment until she gives me the go-ahead. LOL

            • PhlyyPhree

              Start with some gentle exploratory rubs or caresses. Turn up the volume until you find the tipping point. Worst case scenario, she’ll try to duck out of the way and you’ll get some interesting neck motions. Lol

          • IcePrincess

            I for one, kno I like dat ish. Pull my hair while hitting it from da back…. Yaaaaas

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      That mouf though…….looks seckier with the hair hanging down…just saying

      • Ummm and it gets into my mouth. Have you ever had a paynus in your mouth along with a fistful of your own hair? No. The texture of my natural hair or weave, in my mouth is not something I want to ever experience again.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          Ugh. Killing the fantasy. Fine, can we compromise? Will a pony tail or pig tails work instead?

          • Too old for pigtails B.

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              Nah. Never too old.

      • Um, neaux. If you need to use a scrunchie to get the hair out of the way for sharing your knowledge, do it. Whatever it takes to get you ready, I’m for it.

        • Maya K. Francis

          ROFLMAO @ “scrunchie.”

    • LadyIbaka

      what that mouf do, bew?

    • Chris Streetz Poet Bright

      http://youtu.be/BzLt7T6bCww
      Giiiiiirl…lmao…u just made my day

    • Holding the hair myself or nah

      • Nah. That’s the easiest way to get your hand popped.

      • CrayolaGirl

        You can hold what you want as long as you not pushing. Quickest way to dead all activity: push my head.

  • RewindingtonMaximus

    I’m with your friend who was ready from the jump. You might as well show the naps and buckshots when they are at their all-time high so any illusions of you being on your A-game 100% of the time dies the quick death it deserves to have. She’s right. You’re black, and you have Black hair…why would I not know the rules by now?

    • For real, like i got 3 sisters, you ain’t surprising nothing

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        Word, i been raised around women, and its so bad no matter how fine a woman is the first time i see her, i instantly think of how she looks with rollers and a head wrap

    • PunchDrunkLove

      “You might as well show the naps and buckshots”

      LOL

  • TheOtherJerome

    Shoot a head scarf is nothing. Go ahead and wear one that first night. Not a deal at all. The real question……. is when do you unleash the deuce! Is there ever truly a -right- time to expose your new boo to that first deuce? You can’t keep waiting until he/she falls asleep for the rest of your relationship!! LOL

  • anon in CA

    I’m a black woman and I haven’t and won’t ever wear a scarf or anything else on my head in the presence of a man I am in a relationship with or sleeping with. I don’t care how long we are together. I’m sorry but wearing a scarf is not sexy at all! Plus, how can you relax and enjoy sex if you’re so worried about your hair? My cousin admits to stopping foreplay to wrap her hair so she can be ready when they have sex….that’s crazy to me! I want the man I am with to be attracted to me….and if I were a man I would not want to cuddle with a woman wearing a scarf. I don’t want to lay with a man who wears a du-rag either.

    • Guest

      You must have extremely manageable hair that never breaks?

      • anon in CA

        it’s not horrible but I would prefer to do it every morning vs using a scarf…I guess I’m that self conscious.

  • cryssi

    Well, I’m doing it off the rip. Unless it was unplanned happenings, then it is what it is. I give no false hopes or illusions. If you’re staying at my place, you will see my silk pillowcase, my silk scarf and my satin bonnet. I feel I’m most vulnerable when I’m nakey anyways, so why should I start putting on airs after you’ve seen me in all my glory. And since I’m a natural you will see my Felicia braids as well.

    Like your line sister said, “I don’t have time to pretend for these negros.”

  • nillalatte

    Well, see, I can’t roll on covering the hair at night. I have braided it to keep it up and not be tangled in the morning. Only thing is, if I braid my hair and leave it that way every night, it starts to break off. I did not know this would happen. I’m white. Sue me.

    Other than that, wearing hijab will make a white person’s hair all kind of flat and no body. And, it’s pretty darn hot!- depending on what style you wear the hijab.

    • jolly

      The headtie (as I like to call it) is sacred to most black women. Nighttime ritual from childhood of my mother tying mine on…sh!t I’ve had the same worn in one for the longest! Call it my Teddy Ruxspin, and expect to see it, I don’t care who you are. I wake up in a panic some nights getting my headtie back on. I will sleep buck but this head is covered…period.

      That being said some nights….well some nights are so damn good you collapse into an abyss of joy and forget to break it out. & that’s okay, more than okay, ’cause there is a damn good reason. Other than that, it’s on to prevent the inevitable breakage.

      I remember being eternally grateful when me and the boo started dating and I forgot mine at home. His white sister had a FULL collection of backup scarves (of the type I’ve only worn wrapped around my head at night). I was shocked…grateful, but shocked. What do white women use these type of scarves for anyway I thought?—–> http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41KoEd3jPML._SY445_.jpg Word to the big bird on the old stockings [sans holes though]. They are a nice alternative/switcharoo that works best especially with braids in, I just find my headties more aesthetically pleasing for bed.

      Now the dudes pressed about their du-rags in bed, any thoughts on this one?…

      • I’ve seen White women, particularly those with curly hair, tie up their hair at night. Did the dude’s White sister have curly hair per chance?

        • jolly

          Nope straight. Interesting, makes sense as well, given curly hair is more prone to that mid-night tangle.

  • GIRL

    I feel like I’m the only black girl in the world who doesn’t wrap her hair before nighttime. I sleep too good for a scarf to stay on my head and I could care less for a silk pillow case. And my hair is as thick as your next video ho, so…. Every morning I look Kendrick Lamarish and I really don’t care. If you’ve seen me naked, you may see it all.

    • “Every morning I look Kendrick Lamarish and I really don’t care. If you’ve seen me naked, you may see it all.”

      If you have that level of lyricism, I can live with it. Oh wait…

    • Aly

      The only time I wear a scarf is if my hair is twisted, which is once, maybe twice a week. I know not wearing one is a no no, but… *shrug* I liked my satin pillowcase though. Need to invest in another one.

      • Rachmo

        #teampillowcase

        • Maya K. Francis

          That pillow case thing does not work for me. At all. I wish it did. But nope.

          • Rachmo

            I’m sorry ma’am. I’m super lazy so it is a God send

            • Aly

              Yup.

            • Maya K. Francis

              At least, not when my hair is straight. Neither do pin curls, really. Again: Three scarves.

              • Rachmo

                Oh see you maintain. Week 2? My straightened hair is constantly in a braid #cuzlazy

                • Maya K. Francis

                  Yeah, but that’s ’cause I’m slightly obsessed with having the front of my hair hang a certain way. I rotate the direction of my doobie every other night. With God’s Grace, I can get a blowout to last 2 weeks.

                  And should any of the scarves slide at night, I can literally secure them in my sleep. Not a game. Lol.

                  • menajeanmaehightower

                    Black women and our hair. I have been drunk and exhausted and still made sure to be at a level 10 with my scarf game. I have slept with my contacts in but never without my hair rapped.

                    • Maya K. Francis

                      Yep. Facts. I had a long night in New York once…fell asleep in the closet. Hungover as hell. But hair was bouncing and behaving the next day because I had the presence of mind to wrap my hair.

                    • LOL @ “long night”

                  • OMG I thought I was the only person that rotated their wrap!

                    **PS- My stylist was the one who suggested it because your edges tend to be thinnest on the direction you normally wrap, because it sees the most tension from the scarf. I only wrap the first 2-3 days so it sets and then its pincurls or a bun.

                    • Maya K. Francis

                      Yes, ma’am. Exactly that. It also keeps the body in your hair evenly distributed.

                      My pin curl game sucks. It’s also too involved. I rarely put my hair in a bun…if a man has seen me fight my elastic band to put my hair in an Afro puff (it’s really tight and my face gets into weird contortions…and my fro is usually doing whatever tf it wants), he’s reached homie-lover-friend status.

                    • I have gotten to the point where it takes about 20 minutes (less if I have layers) for pincurls, but I don’t do it if I have company. I style my hair seasonally (straight from Oct-May, kinks from May-September) but the bun is a mainstay because I just have too much damn hair. I use pins to secure. When it’s straight it makes beach-y waves when I take it out, when its kinky it gives me less work to do when I’m gathering my hair for my fro-nytail.

                    • Maya K. Francis

                      i’m jealousing you right now.

                      i would think that pin curls are a cute alternative to the regular-ass doobie. i don’t mind being pin curled, it’s just that when i take them out in the AM, it never looks the way i want (or as good as it does when other people pin i for me).

                      i, too, have seasonal styling. this is the first time i’ve had this much natural hair on my head so i am totally making things up as i go along. lol.

                    • Two things as my hair grew out:

                      -I found, the more hair you have, the more passes you get to be lazy. I’m in a giant blow-out half-ponytail at work as we speak.

                      -It’s a whole lotta “let go & let God”-and your hair is god. She has informed me bouffants and updos will never be a “thing” for us, as is expecting a twist-out to last longer than a day. I just roll with the punches, lol.

      • Dae Esq

        I feel like these don’t actually work, your hair isn’t messed up when you wake up?

        • Aly

          Oh most definitely. It’s messed up pretty much every day lol. I just put some product on it and style it.

    • Wild Cougar

      You aint the only one, chile. I gave up head scarves years ago. Along with the pajamas. All of it is coming off eventually so I quit putting it on.

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