Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Race & Politics, Theory & Essay

Oh, And About Assholes And The Women Who Love Them…

It happens at least once a season. Someone on a few high profile blogs or websites will state their particular take about the whole “women are attracted to assholes” thing, and, as was seen last week at Jezebel, The National Review, Male Fide, and Chateau Heartiste, each of the (combined) thousands of responses these articles will generate will fit into one of eight categories.

1. Women using anecdotal evidence to deny that women are attracted to assholes. 

2. Women saying that it is true…for young women and stupid women. Mature women don’t  fall for the same tricks

3. Women saying “It’s not that we like assholes, it’s just that “nice” guys are usually assholes in disguise. So, why not just deal with the real thing?”

4. Women reluctantly agreeing with the theory that asshole men are generally more attractive to women, and cursing God for giving them such predictable vaginas

5. Women happily agreeing that it’s true that women are into jerks. 

6. Men using anecdotal evidence to state that assholes don’t win. (i.e. “I’m a nice guy, and I stay swimming in ass, yo.“)

7. Men stating that assholes do win, and also saying that any woman (or man) who doesn’t agree is being dishonest.

8. Men stating that assholes win, and using this info as proof that women are generally f*cked up people, and also using it as an excuse for why their lame ass hasn’t gotten any p*ssy since Big P*ssy was still alive on “The Sopranos”

Where do I stand in all of this? While I don’t think that women are inherently attracted to assholes per se, I do believe that many of the characteristics that turn women’s panties into Niagara Falls happen to be possessed in abundance by men who happen to be assholes.

I do not think this is a coincidence, though. Men (and women) who happen to be at the top of the food chain are given more asshole-leeway. A 10 can get away with more sh*t than a 7 can. Also, since they’re used to people treating them like they’re the sh*t, they possess less incentive not to be assholes.

It’s funny, though. A part of me wants to believe that not being as asshole is the way to go, but both anecdotal and observational evidence doesn’t agree with that. Even from my own personal experience, I’ve found that being me, but an aloof, distant, apathetic, and (somewhat) mysterious me does actually work better than being an open and, dare I say it, “nice” me.

Anyway, that’s enough from me today. People of, how exactly do you feel about the theory that women are generally attracted to assholes? Also, which one of the eight are you?

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

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Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for and EBONY Magazine. And a founding editor for 1839. And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at Or don't. Whatever.

  • #AssHolesBeWinning is the new #HoesBeWinning

    I think women like men who are masculine and dominant, but don’t realize who doesn’t have to be a complete d*ck.

    Ramdom otherness:
    I’m confused by women like Fantasia on so many levels, i.e, successful on their own but being corrupted by lesser men. She was running the streets of Atlanta with Young Dro while she was supposed to be on stage on NYC for The Color Purple. And now she had a baby by a married man…who sold cell phones? At least Alicia Keys went after a man who had money (I think? Swizzy owes a few milli to the IRS, but anyway)

    Then there are men who love ain’t sh*t women:

  • Tes

    As a woman I don’t really know what I like until I get it. That being the case, the most recent trend I’ve noted is that I like nice guys…with @sshole-y qualities. Sarcasm, quick wit and an edge of smart-@ssy-ness to me are a sign of intelligence. And intelligence sincerely sweetens my tea.

  • Cleanupman

    Damn, my response to the post is already in the post. Grand opening, grand closing :-/

  • That Ugly Kid

    I agree for the most part. I don’t fit into any particular category. But if I had to choose, it’d be #7. Women are, for whatever reason, attracted to jerks. Even worse, after finding out the guy their with is a jerk, they still stay with him. The fact that I see so many women on FB quoting Mary J Blige’s “Mr. Wrong” makes it no better.

    I don’t have a big problem with women dating jerks. It’s the complaining they do afterwards that annoys me to no end. You know how it is. Chester McCheaterson is unfaithful (surprise, surprise!) to his girl and for the next few days we get a bunch of “Men ain’t sh*t” statuses on her FB. This is when I get extremely annoyed.

    (To be continued…gotta handle something…)

  • Corey

    Hey, I’m an azz. Women complain…and yet they don’t leave. Call it what you will.

  • Crystal

    Well, I guess I agree but experience has kept me from dating assholes seriously. My first boyfriend and first in everything was king of assholes. I knew he was an asshole, I was young and he screwed me over so bad I haven’t dated an asshole since. I actually think I might have kind of turned into an asshole. Working on that now, lol.

  • RunBabyRun

    I like assholes, but I don’t know if it is true for all women. Lol

  • Iamnotakata

    I’m kind of an asshole myself, therefore I require someone that at least has asshole tendencies. I can’t have no man getting all sensitive when I talk fly to him, he’s has to be able to roll with the punches…

  • Rick

    Nice guys may be on the shopping list entering the store……but they aren’t in the shopping cart upon departure.

  • Val

    I think the key word is SOME. Some women are attracted to jerks. And some aren’t. I’m sure there are a bunch of psychological reasons why one is or isn’t attracted to a jerk. But I think it basically boils down to it’s a mutually parasitic relationship. Each feeds off the other. There must be some kind of energy exchange between the two. Or maybe it’s the contrast between the two. Just theories here.

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