Nothing Makes Sense Anymore: Five Takeaways From The Weirdest And Wackiest NBA Finals I’ve Ever Seen » VSB

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Nothing Makes Sense Anymore: Five Takeaways From The Weirdest And Wackiest NBA Finals I’ve Ever Seen

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1. It’s far too early to make any concrete declarations about victors or losers in this series. Mainly because Stephen Curry is a preternaturally gifted lightskinned genie equipped with the ability to actually make the type of shots that regularly get terrible pick-up basketball players stabbed for even attempting. And I’m forever fearful of people who give so little fucks that they didn’t even bother getting a shape up for their own wedding.

But, I’ll go out on the limb right now and say this: Playoff Lebron James apparently does not lose to little guys. In the last decade, the teams who have beaten the teams he’s been on have had one thing in common. Dominant big guys. Boston with Kevin Garnett. Orlando with Dwight Howard. San Antonio with Tim Duncan. And Dallas with Dirk Nowitzki. But every time he’s played against a top team whose best player is a perimeter player (Chicago with Derrick Rose, Oklahoma City with Kevin Durant, and now Golden State with Curry), his teams seem to have the advantage.

This all could be coincidental — and Golden State can very well still win this series, making this moot — but I think it just has to do with the physicality Lebron brings to the game. As great as Rose and Durant and Curry are, Lebron is able to impose his will on the game and swallow them up. And, even if he’s not actually guarding them himself, his physicality has an osmosis effect, permeating and reverberating through the other nine players on the court and ultimately bending everyone else’s reality to align with his. Basically, he’s a bully. Which may seem like an insult, but isn’t. Because all historically great players are, in some way.

2. Just to give you an idea of how weird and wacky this Finals has been, Matthew Dellavedova shot a 25 foot runner last night. While contested. And with enough time left on the shot clock where a contested 25 foot runner was not his only option.

And I was surprised that it didn’t go in.

Nothing makes sense anymore. Matthew Dellavedova is an event horizon.

I love that the reaction to how he’s playing represents everything I hate about how low information fans generally perceive the NBA. I love that he might have been the worst regular rotation NBA player in the league this season, but he’s currently bothering the league MVP enough to make people seriously wonder if Curry has a serious brain injury. I love that every time Mike Breen says his name, I imagine him having the same stars in his eyes that Ser Jorah does when he sees Khaleesi. I love the fact that every time he shoots it looks like an SNL cast member doing an impression of Dane Cook doing an impression of Mark Price.

Nothing makes sense anymore. Matthew Dellavedova is an event horizon.

3. Harrison Barnes sucks.

4. Raise your hand if you want me to devote some space to how the quality of the refereeing is affecting your enjoyment of the game and/or making you believe things are scripted or predetermined in some way. Now keep that hand up, walk to the nearest mirror, look at yourself, and give yourself the finger.

5. Lebron James is basically averaging a 40 point triple double. In the NBA Finals. While playing against an historically great team (numbers wise, at least). And playing with seven functional NBA players. Plus a guy (Mike Miller) who always looks like he just woke up from a car nap at a rest stop in Aliquippa. And a coach who, at this point, is more of a “coach” than a coach.

And I don’t think he’s playing particularly well.

Nothing makes sense anymore.

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • Sigma_Since 93

    “Nothing makes sense anymore. Matthew Dellavedova is an event horizon.”

    Let’s be real, EVERYBODY said with Love and Irving hurt that someone needed to step up if Cleveland was going to have a chance. The reality is nobody expected it to be him. Add in the fact he’s “the White scrappy / blue collar / slap the floor” type and media types are falling all over themselves.

    • miss t-lee

      Like I said on twitter last night, Dellavedova was playing some Rodman-esque style basketball.

      • He’s the dude you hate if he’s not on your team. He’s like Chris Benoit playing basketball.

        • miss t-lee

          Yup.

          • An Australian Bruce Bowen and ish.

            • Sigma_Since 93

              “Australian Bruce Bowen”

              Don’t put Australia in this…Kyrie is from there and we all know if he was playing like this there would be h3ll to pay. Basically if it’s white it’s all right.

              • I was saying the the Aussie Bowen because Bruce played really dirty throughout his career.

        • Medium Meech

          Somebody on Grantland said Delly is the kind of guy that, if he’s on your team, you love him. If he’s not, you end up getting reconstructive knee surgery.

      • Mimzi

        that’s the perfect comparison, and since Rodman is in my top three favorite players of all time, I was so fully into Dellavedova last night

        • miss t-lee

          He was a fave of mine too.

    • He’s a better version of Brian Scalabrine aka white mamba.

      http://images.complex.com/complex/image/upload/t_article_image/ysbbp1j7xgxogqaqaxpd.jpg

  • “And a guy (Mike Miller) who always looks like he just woke up from a car nap at a rest stop in Aliquippa”

    …on the way to make a pick up at a meth cooking house.

    1. The LeBron hate has brought me to the point where I know understand that Facebook and Twitter ninjas don’t watch sports but just glance at them.

    2. It’s funny that the media seems to view Steph as a large child who just happens to have an ultra-wet jumper and an adorable daughter. I may be paranoid but they keep showing shots of Dell and Steph’s GILFY moms holding Riley with Ayesha slightly out of the shot.

    3. Draymond Green and Bogut may as well had been a victims of extraordinary rendition last night because they weren’t there. I don’t know if Blatt has people in Mossad threatening their families but they were shook.

    4. Dellavedova must have seen Mad Max: Fury Road and lost his mind.

    • NoPlaysOff

      I’m not even a LeBron fan and I think the hate is ridiculous. The man is playing like a true general out there! It’s awe-inspiring.

      • Cleojonz

        It seems like people are still stuck on that whole “decision-gate” thing and refuse to give LeBron any credit beyond that. I just don’t get it. He’s kind of perfect as far as the type of athlete you’d want your kids to look up to. Family man, never hear about him getting into any kind of trouble, a beast on the court, smart businessman who takes care of his old friends, crazy work ethic. What’s not to like?

      • Mimzi

        I’ve never been a major fan, but last night, I was like, this guy is just playing good as$ basketball. Period. There’s literally no room for debate. He’s killing it and so entertaining to watch. What more do people want?

  • NoPlaysOff

    “3. Harrison Barnes sucks.”

    Like seriously, he’s terrible! He’s Marvin Williams 2.0 at this point. You have no clue how he gets out there on the court, but there he is, doing……..nothing, or something. I’m really not sure. Start Andre Iguodala and David Lee and bring Draymond Green off the bench. Small ball is not working,

  • miss t-lee

    Seriously I never paid attention to Curry’s hairline until folks on twitter started with the memes…lol

    • Do ninjas not brush their hair now?

      • miss t-lee

        LOL!!!! I saw a dude at church sunday wearing a bow tie with a polo shirt.
        I can’t keep up with these kids.

        • CamCamtheGreat

          These polo violations grind my gears, the most egregious offenses being wearing any sort of tie with a polo shirt and buttoning the top button. It’s a shame that no one told these dudes the rules.

          • miss t-lee

            See, I’m glad you said that, because I was thinking for a second, maybe this is something new, I’m unfamiliar with…lol

            • Sigma_Since 93

              Some girl said he looked cute and messed him all up…just like dudes who wear skinny jeans.

              • miss t-lee

                This was a grown a** married dude. I was trying hard not to give his wife the side eye.

                • I actually struggle with the bow-tie look. I rocked one at my wedding but that was like the only time.

                  • miss t-lee

                    I’m sure you rocked it.
                    It was the polo short sleeve shirt + bow tie that had me like, hanh?

                    • I don’t even button the top button on my polo shirts.

                    • miss t-lee

                      oh, but he did! Plus chucks.

        • KB

          My senior year of college (circa 04-05) I used to rock the double polo with both collars popped. Was this a violation?

          Also, I tried the tie with the polo shirt once at a party and was like ‘nah’, not my thing. I do detest them being all the way buttoned though.

          • miss t-lee

            “My senior year of college (circa 04-05) I used to rock the double polo with both collars popped. Was this a violation? ”

            http://media0.giphy.com/media/IyFBbg97qPN3q/giphy.gif

            • KB

              LOL. I thought I was fresh though, in a douchey sort of way. The underneath polo had to match the color of the horse on the top one. Cap it off with some khaki shorts, eastland’s, and the polo hat, you couldn’t tell a young playa NATHAN!

              • miss t-lee

                I sincerely hope you left this in college when you graduated.

                Wait, were you the Been Had Polo guy?

                • KB

                  Yes I was. I had been rocking polo since 8th grade, but fret not, I gave up the double polo with the popped collar look many moons ago, as well as the all polo everything mantra. These days you will find very little polo in my closet.

                  • miss t-lee

                    I’m watching that video for sheer nostalgia sake and laughing right now.

              • Cleojonz

                Did you also have one of those macrame bracelets and that tight chokery stone necklace. To complete the look and all lol.

                • KB

                  yes to alladis

          • Sigma_Since 93

            Only if it was 1987 and you had the sweater draped over your shoulder and the coordinating jams.

            • KB

              I may or may not have rocked the ‘Carlton Banks’ fit once or twice in high school.

      • Sigma_Since 93

        Noap

        I’m tying to keep my son form following the trend cause his head looks like a bunch of small peas when he doesn’t brush.

        • miss t-lee

          or beedeeballs, as we used to call them. LMAO

          • Cleojonz

            we called them beedeebees like Martin lol.

        • Why though?

          • Sigma_Since 93

            It’s my job to be honest with him. When your do looks this this: you need a brush and some Dax Wave and Groom stat.

        • CamCamtheGreat

          Maybe he’s just trying to go natural. Stop the hair-shaming!

          • TeeChantel

            When you’re natural, you still need to brush your hair or at least keep up with some type of daily maintenance.

            • PunchDrunkLove

              Nope, for some natural means roll out of bed and go…lol

              Edit: I think “natural” should be defined

              • TeeChantel

                Lol. The only exception where you can roll out of bed and go is if you have free-forming locs. I can’t think of any others. Otherwise, that is just lazy.

                IMO, natural means embracing the natural texture of your hair. Or not having to permanently alter the hair with chemicals (perms, dyes, etc.) So the hair is left completely unaltered and chemical-free.

                • PunchDrunkLove

                  Exactly…..natural being free from chemicals, not maintenance…LOL Just roll and go, doing nothing = lazy

      • Tristan

        That’s just laziness… The nappy fro is one thing but you just have an aerial view of the million man March on ur head, get a brush

    • PhlyyPhree

      I’m still too focused on the fact that Lebron has waves on the side, but naps in the front. It’s like hishair really is trying to separate like the Red Sea.

      I never gave Curry’s hairline a thought, however I did notice last night that he had a whole bunch of lint balls in it. I just figured “finals” and kept it moving

      • miss t-lee

        Yeah, LeBron is going that weird type of bald. Po baby.
        But yeah, I was looking at that all confused last night.

        • Epsilonicus

          He should give it up and shave it off.

          • miss t-lee

            I think he could rock the baldy.

            • KB

              He can’t because then people would REALLY go overboard with the Jordan comparisons and accuse him of not doing his own thing.

              Kobe needs to go back to the mini fro though.

        • That Rogaine isn’t working for Bron.

          • miss t-lee

            Nope.

        • Mimzi

          he already went bald. what we saw last night was the result of hair transplant surgery. It looks like he got hair from somewhere else on his body and got it implanted, which is why the texture is so different.

          • miss t-lee

            I’m not sure. I just think we’re just used to seeing the spray on/bigen hair and that’s his normal pattern.

            • Mimzi

              you know, you might be right. I forgot about the bigen

      • Tristan

        I don’t get why LeBron worth close to a billion dollars won’t get actual plugs and stop using Bigen and rogaine like a regular ninja

        • miss t-lee

          He needs Steve Harvey’s old barber.
          Dude had us fooled for years.

          • Tristan

            Jamie Foxx ain’t even care if we noticed he just got it done

            • miss t-lee

              He really doesn’t. That hairline moves more than twitter honeys on fly outs.

        • Just shave that ish off.

      • PunchDrunkLove

        LOL

  • Medium Meech
    • Lmao, what a POS.

    • ED

      I wouldn’t call him dirty. Reckless but not dirty

      • Medium Meech

        So video evidence means nothing to you, huh? The fact that all of these are just from this years playoffs doesn’t seem suspicious or make you question his motives just because wearing a certain uniform? By chance, have you served on any grand juries for police shooting indictments over the past year?

        • Lea Thrace

          Damn Meechie. You do not see if for Dellawhatever huh? LOL.

          I hear you. I’m with you. I personally think he’s a scumbag.

          • Medium Meech

            I’m just messing around with ED. But na, Dellantediluvian crosses the line between dirty and dangerous to me.

        • ED

          I stand by my statement

    • uNk

      lol he came back with that elbow drop tho

  • The Warriors, for most of the post-season have not had consistency from both Thompson and Curry, usually one is hot and the other is good, however, for most of the series Green was a constant triple double threat. He’s disappeared due to the fact that he can’t finish at the rim and his shot is flat. He’s the xfactor of the whole series.

  • Sigma_Since 93

    Am I the only one that’s thinking Mark Jackson is sitting there and saying to himself Get ’em Bron Bron. Get ’em?

    • It ain’t just you bruh. And as a Queens dude, I fully understand!

  • h.h.h.
  • Epsilonicus

    Can we also talk about how Bogut seems to be allergic to scoring? He passed up some easy points that made me scratch my head.

    • Sigma_Since 93

      Can we add how David Lee should give Steve Kerr the middle finger salute every time he scored last night? How does he get buried on the bench when he clearly can be a spark.

      • Epsilonicus

        He should definitely be getting more burn. He helped almost bring them back from 20

      • ED

        Green outplayed him all season. Green’s range extends out to the three point line and he’a a waaayyy better defender. It’s just that the series he can’t hit a shot

    • Can we talk about how the Warriors are allergic to lay-ups?

      • Epsilonicus

        Avoiding the paint like it has the clap.

      • Tristan

        I never seen a team settle for a layup… I guess the layup line is just drives and kickouts

        • Look there’s a seven-footer with an open lay-up. Kick it out to Jon B.

      • Brandon Allen

        It kills me that people are wondering why they’re struggling. Steph almost refuses to shoot twos. He gets away with it cuz he’s a great shooter but the only guy who gets buckets inside they don’t play.

    • Damon Young

      i’m not a fan of andrew bogut

    • Brandon Allen

      After he destroyed his elbow he basically can’t even extend his arm straight to shoot.

  • CamCamtheGreat

    That line-up is terrible. You’re an all-star NBA player and you can’t get a barber to hook you up for your own wedding??

    And his wife is bad! He just looks…bad.

    • Damon Young

      i think light skinneded cats get line up leeway

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