Notable Hoodrat Inventions

An idol for anorexics and bulimics everywhere

For all the (deserved) hell that professional golem Eric Williams is receiving for splashing water in his ex-wife’s face during last week’s edition of Roundball Ratchets, you kind of have to step back and admire the ingenuity these reality show participants have consistently exhibited. Knowing that punches, slaps, spitting, and face mushes can get you kicked out of houses and kicked off shows (Well, can get you kicked off shows if your name isn’t Tami Roman), the blitzkrieg water splash — as quick as it’s deadly — is actually a pretty clever way to circumvent the rules while still managing to achieve your goal of blatant disrespect.

What makes the blitzkrieg water splash even more inventive is that, if done correctly, it can achieve the pinnacle of hoodrich hoochie disrespect: intentional lacefront impairment.

The prevalence of this “invention” shouldn’t surprise anyone, though. Throughout history, hoodrats — in this sense, “hoodrat” isn’t gender or even income-level specific. Eric Williams is just as much of a hoodrat as Kat Stacks  — have a history of developing and pioneering things that prove to be just as resourceful and practical as they’re uncouth and cringe-worthy.

Noah, the world’s first recorded hoodrat, actually initially built the arc just so he could put it in his backyard and “impress the bitches on his block.”¹ Right when he was about to equip it with a new set of shiny, 26 inch wooden planks he leased from Rent-N-Roll, God came a calling with that flood mess and changed his plans, forever changing him from Hood dude to hero.

Hot ghetto Old Testament messes aside, here’s a few more welcome additions to American culture that hoodrats have pioneered.

The Booty Clap

Now, for all we know, they could have been booty-clapping in the Serengeti hundreds of years ago. Maybe the real reason Napoleon shot the nose off of the Great Sphinx was that he was just royally pissed and embarrassed that a couple especially sneaky booty-clapping Nile river strippers managed to get him for all of his travel cash.

But, since we don’t have any documented footage of that occurring, we’re best to assume that the booty clap — an awesome spectacle of creative debauchery that manages to incorporate the rhythmic ethos of our ancestors with an impeccably proper control of the glutes and a tinge of typical hoodrat ratchedness — was probably invented at a BBQ in a Gary, Indiana basement within the last 30 years.

Regardless of when it was first launched, the booty clap has been a great addition to our lives; extending the reach of numerous strippers, spawning many stripper’s children, and — in an act that completes the circle of life — paying for pole dancing classes for these doomed bastard stripper children.

The Argument Emphasis Clap

Although I’m not exactly sure why hoodrats seem so enthused with the idea of clapping things, I do know that I appreciate the argument emphasis clap — what happens when they get angry and start punctuating each syllable with an increasingly loud clap of the hands — because I know that if I happen to hear that while I’m at a club, it’s probably time to find the nearest escape route.

The Sagged Pants Super Sprint

Like the booty clap, it defies the laws of physics. There’s absolutely no way in hell that a man with his pants down to his f*cking knees still should be able to run a sub 4.3 40. But, as we all know, physics stopped f*cking with the hood like 30 years ago, which is why, while I was leaving my barbershop yesterday, I was able to witness a 16 year old waddle 200 yards under 9 seconds while he was running from a cop.

Why this isn’t an Olympic event yet is news to me.

The Male Pregnant Belly Beater

In one of his best stand-up performances, Dave Chappelle said (paraphrasing) that you can tell you’re in the hood when  you see random babies just walking around the neighborhood at night. This may be true, but an even more reliable marker of the hood is seeing fat men walking around with wifebeaters who are either completely unaware of their fatness or completely apathetic to it.

If you’re not clear on exactly what I’m talking about, go to the 20 second mark of this video and pay attention to the Beanie Siegel doppelgangers dancing (in a quite pause worthy fashion, mind you) near the baseline.

But, although it may annoy and disgust, the male pregnant belly beater is a welcome throwback; an eff you to the rest of the world’s hang-ups about body image, fashion, and sweat glands that we can all learn from.

Anyway, people of VSB.com, I’m sure I’m forgetting a few. Can you name any other notable hoodrat inventions? Things hoodrats have invented that have actually made the world a much better and much more entertaining place?

¹This may or may not be in the version of the Bible that you read

—The Champ

***REMINDER FOR THE DMV VSB ninjas: Come join Panama Jackson this Saturday, August 6, 2011, from 10pm-3am at Liv Nightclub for Reminisce, a party dedicated to the the 90s brought to you by Shine On M Productions x Just Cause x Very Smart Brothas. With music provided by Sup Qool DJ Quartermaine, it’s going to be a throwback to the days when most of us were in college and living the good life. All 90s hip-hop/r&b/dancehall all night long. And most importantly (and best of all) its FREE until midnight ($5 cover after) OPEN BAR on rail liquor from 10-11pm and NO DRESS CODE. Come out and party like you used to do to the music you still listen to and take a shot with Panama Jackson.***

  • http://twitter.com/SubiFace Subi

    Kool-Aid as hair-dye.

    • randomeffery

      i feel 82% certain that kool-aid as hair dye is a white trash invention.

      i feel like they invented “the blitzkrieg water splash” too, especially if it’s a beverage w/alcohol in it…what self-respecting hood nigro/esse (rat or otherwise) would waste liquor? that’s alcohol abuse.

      i’m DEAD @ “:the argument emphasis clap” ltfol…if that ain’t some hood ish…i dunno what is.

      great hoodrat inventions:
      1) “get the draws” tapes/cds…i probably owe my existence & that of my as-yet unborn progeny to “get the draws” mixes.
      2) nig**-riggin…i promise a stick and some aluminum foil kept my car running for 8 months…it’ll keep your lights & water on, & your heat.
      3) spades
      4) corn liquor/moonshine (NDN hoodrats probably invented this, but country n-words are doing a great job of carrying the torch)
      5) the “crackhead ponytail”. there are numerous variations, but the best version was circa 92, with concentric, multi-colored scrunchies radiating outward.
      6) gangsta rap/trap music…who knew ho(l)e-smashing, gat-toting, head-bussin, & pushing powder while extremely intoxicated & notluvindemhoes would be so entertaining & inspiring to so many? 20 years deep & we still goin strong…

      • http://twitter.com/#!/mizzcamille MizzCam

        the “crackhead ponytail”. there are numerous variations, but the best version was circa 92, with concentric, multi-colored scrunchies radiating outward.

        *chokes, dies*
        I had a cousin who COULD NOT leave the house without 50-leven scrunchies on… and a barrette in her bangs o_O

        • http://twitter.com/#!/mizzcamille MizzCam

          I must also add the “stingy ponytail,” where it’s practically non-existent, and held in place with ridiculous amounts of black gel.

          • thenameisyonna

            e___O @ women who still do this. Just saw one 2 days ago. She thought she was cute, too. SMH. With all the products available to promote healthy (blk) hair, they still leaning hard on that Ampro gel.

            • kiki

              let us not forget about the “donut”… which takes the black ampro gel, fitty-leven color coordinating scrunchies, and stingy ponytails into account, with the addition of the slicked down baby hair all the way down to your eyebrows and the destruction of perfectly good socks… pairs of socks for those young ladies not plagued by the stingy ponytail.

              i think i wore a donut my entire 7th grade year *hangs head down*… but mine was cute tho lmao!

        • http://iamyourpeople.com I Am Your People

          I did rock 5 pairs of neon colored socks, 40′leven scrunchies, Cross Colours overalls and a Union Bay t-shirt *hands head in shame*

        • miss t-lee

          the “crackhead ponytail”. there are numerous variations, but the best version was circa 92, with concentric, multi-colored scrunchies radiating outward.

          Oh my gawd. my 9th grade year, chicks were killin’ this…

      • LA Red

        “2) nig**-riggin…i promise a stick and some aluminum foil kept my car running for 8 months…”

        So true my stomach is hurting and I can’t see from the tears brought from my laughter. My youngest broke her arm one summer and we were going to the water park. I wrapped it in a trash bag, tapped it with electrical tape and covered it with a towel at the gate. N*gga-riggin at it’s finest!

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          wow. that’s just…all n*gga.

        • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

          *falls clean the eff out* AHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA

        • ChicagoCutie

          “911, what’s your emergency?”
          “THIS!!!”

      • chunk

        Cosign #1…. it’s still in effect… I just asked a guy if he was making a Put-chunk-to-bed playlist, what songs would make the top 5?

        His answer spoke volumes!

      • chunk

        You’re probably right about the Kool-Aid thing since Kool-Aid was invented in Nebraska!

      • Breazy Taylor

        Don’t forget that duct-tape can go along way.

        • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

          Duct tape is like The Force; it has a light side, a dark side and it holds the universe together.

      • http://twitter.com/thepopculturist thepopculturist (aka BKSweetheart)

        X_______________X

        ***FLATLINE****

  • http://iamyourpeople.com I Am Your People

    Fake spinning rims. For real, I saw a mini van (you read that correctly) with pie tins (I am dead serious) as spinners. It was a circa 1988 wood paneled Town & Country that was spray painted instead of getting a real ice cream pain job. I died a little inside when I saw it

    • naturalista88

      Pie tins? Pie tins??!! *Faints*.

    • Mo-VSS

      Girl, not even the fake spinning rims but the spinner hubcaps….NINJA SPINNER HUBCAPS!

      I ’bout died when I saw them on a 1998 Dodge Neon. Like really, doe? You gonna call attention to the crap that is your car by putting spinner hubcaps on it? Wow!

      • Classy6ft5

        Yep, saw them in Walmart some years ago.

        • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

          Walmart? Figures.

          • Soul Glo

            Walmart is capitalizing on notable hoodrat inventions as you can now purchase your own set of aluminum spinner hubcaps at your closest Walmart for under $50 (or maybe just my local Walmart).

            • http://www.vanitaapplebum.com vanitaapplebum

              The whole entire set? WTH! *passes out*

              • Soul Glo

                *Throws a purple church cloth over vanitaapplebum*

                The whole set. I saw a Pontiac rolling on Walmacy’s the other day.

    • http://www.anythingbutstyle.com Shaynanigans

      Oh we have a place in Pittsburgh called “Rent and Roll”…like a Rental City but for spinners. They will put it on anything with wheels, which includes (but I’m sure is not limited to) bicycles, scooters, baby strollers.

      Alright I made that last one up but who knows

      • http://iamyourpeople.com I Am Your People

        I’ve seen rims on a wheelchair, HoverRound and stroller. Yes, all of this was in New Orleans. The only thing I didn’t see rims on were roller skates. There were at least 2 rim rental places that I knew of.

        • naturalista88

          *Lmao* & *smh* @ someone’s grandma rollin’ around w/some rims on their Hoveround. Next you’ll see some on a Segway *lol*.

          • http://iamyourpeople.com I Am Your People

            Next you’ll see some on a Segway *lol*.

            REAL. TALK. I keep seeing a cornrowed ninja near where I work with a “Ferrari” (i assume he glued a fake logo on) Segway.

            • http://www.twitter.com/drrdb TWIsM

              Why you gotta let ‘em know all the ratchetness that happens in NOLA. We gave ‘em Lil’ Wayne don’t tell err’thing else.

            • naturalista88

              Now I’ve heard it all *lmao*.

        • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

          I would push that sht over in the street if I saw it and not a jury in the world would convict me.*

          *You know hoodrats don’t serve jury duty.

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          Wait! Did you say “rim *rental* place” ? LMAO LMAO

        • http://tdlove.wordpress.com Tonya

          A STROLLER?? … if the stroller was empty.. I would push it into the street like TAC.

          *I can’t go to jail..I’m too pretty and have very little hood or goon in me*

        • LMNOP

          a HoverRound?? that is fcking hilarious.

      • sigma_since 93

        +1
        I pass it every day on my way to work! Business is booming because I always see cars in the parking lot.

      • ChicagoCutie

        I’m only on comment #24 and my sides aches and tears are rolling down my cheeks!! Thankfully I’m not in the office today. Can’t wait to see what’s further down post. :)

    • A Woman’s Eyes

      I am crying laughing! I will never look at a pie tin the same again! LMAO

      • Kidsister

        *ditto* LOL

    • Imperfect

      *dead*
      COD – This entire thread!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      while they are similarly hood…i’m gonna have to give the Mexicans credit for this one. i’m fairly certain that Mexicans in LA started the low budget spinner trend and it spread like wildfire to hoods everywhere.

  • http://TalentedGeneration.blogspot.com LegallySouthern1

    Combination hairstyles. Rednecks can have their mullets! Hood aggins will take that mullet and raise you with a one-sided shave with hearts and stars carved into it. See generally, any episode of Martin featuring the sensational salon owner, Shenehneh Jenkins (sp.). See also, in Living Color’s Ugly Wanda.

    • http://twitter.com/sweetdivalove Mia

      See a recent photo of Keyshia Cole….she has heart on the side of her head.
      Bless her.

      • http://iamyourpeople.com I Am Your People

        Remember when half cornrown, half afros were in style? *winces*

        • Queen Elizabeth

          i wore my hair like that in junior high. i also wore two shirts so i could take one of them halfway off. hoodrat things with my friends. sigh.

          • http://tdlove.wordpress.com Tonya

            They do that in Berkeley, CA. The high school kids would take their hoodies/sweaters off, with one arm in and still around their necks, and just leave em hanging. Like they couldn’t decide if they were hot or not.

    • CurlyTop

      Does this include the balding dreadlock look?

      • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

        No because Stevie Wonder does it and refuse to believe he has any hoodrat tendencies. I simply refuse.

        • thenameisyonna

          LMAO!!–dear God, I think a lung collasped on me! *tears*

          • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

            (nigg@-rigs a bicycle pump to re-inflate your lung)

            I will not be responsible for yet another VSP’s untimely death. At least not so early in the day.

            • SunaoButterfly

              “(nigg@-rigs a bicycle pump to re-inflate your lung)”

              Can’t… breathe…

              So waitaminit. Does that mean MacGyver was secretly a kneegrow?

              • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

                I know I’d be proud to claim a dude that can make a bomb with a rubber band, a paper clip, and a stick of Winterfresh.

        • ChicagoCutie

          *faint dead away* I need a short intermission from reading comments….this one damn near killed me.

      • DQ

        Floyd Mayweather Sr. used to have the balding dread game on lock… you hear me? ON LOCK. You know you are doing some special when you start typing a google search with for his name and Google anticipates that the last word you’re going to type is “Predator”.

        http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2010/9/6/45d00900-764b-4e76-9c95-f6a6e030ffde.jpg

        Of course I think Floyd finally went and let it go, but back in the day? Floyd Mayweather Sr = Balding Dread Bawse

        • msbarrett

          He took my breath away when I 1st seent him! Yes I said seent because the look was unreal… Up there in a nice 3 piece suit looking a stanky damn mess!!! Hurt my heart…

      • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

        Number 2. You’re welcome and I’m sorry –>> http://bit.ly/ps8BqK

        • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

          No. Just, no.

          (cries uncontrollably)

    • chunk

      Awww, I kinda like the side shaved with stars/designs thing… I guess you can take the girl out the… aw nevermind.

  • http://twitter.com/#!/mizzcamille MizzCam

    Quick Weave…

    P-poppin’ on a handstand…

    • CurlyTop

      What is Quick Weave? Some days I wish I could p*pop on a handstand. Sadly the lack of upper body weight doesn’t do me any good. I’d change my name to Peaches. There is a inner hoodrat inside of me.

    • Amazonian Midget

      I remember being at a HS basement party with my friends and that song came on…once again, gravity was defied. My really short, really big friend did a handstand, and began p-poppin’! I was amazed by 2 things that night: 1. The fact that she knew how to dance BETTER THAN a stripper at 15
      2. The fact that her super large chest didn’t make her topple over, or smother her, when she did the handstand.

      …to this day, I’m still jealous. And I was the gymnast/cheerleader! lol

      • Mena

        Wow. Amazed and jealous at the same time.

    • Dee

      Not going to lie, I like quick weaves when I want a short hair do but don’t want to commit to a chop.

      • chunk

        I aint mad Dee… quick weave can be cute if done well!

  • spottieottiedarlin

    Hmmm…

    -the gold tooth
    -Jungle Juice
    -the street/metro vendor
    -the teardrop tat
    -the praying hands tat

    • spottieottiedarlin

      honorable mentions:

      -extensions in her hair
      -bamboo earrings
      -at least two pair
      -a fendi bag
      -and a bad attitude
      -walk with a twist
      -or talk with street slang

      • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

        Come on. Who doesn’t need themselves a round the way girl?

        • Todd

          Do not dis the cultural contributions of Hollis.

          #thatisall

          • Kema

            Wait… I’m from Hollis!!! Whoop whoop!

            *raps* Its christmas time… in Hollis Queens

            • Todd

              Mom’s cooking chicken and collard greens!

              Hey, I just remember LL visiting Grandma every Christmas in her house at Ilion and Dunkirk. The tree in the yard with all those blue lights…good times. :)

              • Mimi

                finally, there are some more Queens natives here in VSB

        • Around the Way Girl

          Exactly!!! :)

          Except I don’t have any of those things lol. I’m more like Nia Long from Friday. I chose my name while listening to “Young Nation” by Aaliyah, which is my theme song. If you don’t know that song, look it up asap cuz ou’re missing out.

      • Tx10inch

        -a fendi bag
        -and a bad attitude

        That’s all I need to get me in a good mood.

        Sorry. couldn’t resist!

    • http://www.anythingbutstyle.com Shaynanigans

      Oh I see your gold tooth and raise you a gold front tooth with a “diamond” (read: rhinestone) in it…my auntie has one of those *shakes head in relational hoodrat shame*

      • spottieottiedarlin

        oh you only have ONE family member with one of those? oh!

        • Leonie UK

          You get no hood love if you only have one relative, I have 1 on Dad’s, 6 on Mum’s, who side is more ghetto I wonder

      • Chellycita

        I have a friend with a diamond in her tooth…an Italian woman- who lives in Italy, mind you. Hoodrat inventions have spread…

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      while the good tooth wasn’t a hoodrat invention, the monogrammed gold tooth and platinum fronts were definitely hoodrat additions to the dental game.

      dentists everywhere have hated blackness for eons because of this ridiculous trend.

      speaking of which, i need to hit Eddie’s Gold Teeth and get me a grill.

      • Kidsister

        ATL?

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          Da Briar.

  • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

    The destruction of basketball fundamentals and teamwork – And 1.

    • http://twitter.com/_boron Boron the Negromancer

      Would you not say that AND1 (and the NBA Street franchise and the NBA itself) merely capitalized on the phenomenon of street basketball rather than invent it? I am rather certain that all of AND1′s owners are Caucasian.

    • Around the Way Girl

      :( Why’d you have to go and make it all sad?

  • naturalista88

    The new boom box – aka, cell phones w/the ringtone blasting like it’s a mini radio. Maybe it’s made everyone else’s life better, but not mine >_<

    • spottieottiedarlin

      right… that wrecks me when people play their music like that on the train. like really? And it’s always the most ignant of music. of allll the songs you could possibly play out loud at 7:30 am around all hte 2520s and we have to hear ‘f that trick, pop that p, bounce that a, work that a, twirk that btchhhh”

      smh in shame.

      • Be On It

        The 2520s been had hoodrat ringtones. Was in Sephora when a 40+ y.o. white lady’s phone rang to the illustrious tones of: “Supa Man dat H0″, “No Hands”, and that “walk around the club, eff errybody”.

      • SunaoButterfly

        I have actually called people out and asked them to turn the noise down. I don’t need all that ruckus in my ear while I’m trying to read my bougie lit on my way to work.

        Grow some tact.

    • sigma_since 93

      I believe the Boondocks referred to this as ninja technology

      • http://www.twitter.com/drrdb TWIsM

        I hit ‘em with the Smiley Face…. Btches LOVE the smiley face. (See) ——->

        • sigma_since 93

          LOL smiley face according to Gucci

        • CurlyTop

          Clever

        • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

          I kinda wish your avatar was a Gchat emoticon, Twism. lol

        • naturalista88

          *Lol*, too shay.

  • http://twitter.com/MOTRenaissance Adonis (@MOTRenaissance)

    Ha! I enjoyed that display of douchebaggery by Eric Williams…

    And I am sure Jennifer was thinking about him for the next two weeks… I’m sure she is even more wet for him, than before she took a glass to the face…

    On a serious note, it is sad that I have black men like that who are unofficial spokepersons for how negroes act…

    That is why we have to make distinctions between Blacks & N****s…

    SSTTE

    • http://twitter.com/_boron Boron the Negromancer

      No, please refrain from making that distinction! Make my job easier!

      • http://twitter.com/MOTRenaissance Adonis (@MOTRenaissance)

        @Negromancer…

        I hear you LOL…

    • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

      “And I am sure Jennifer was thinking about him for the next two weeks… I’m sure she is even more wet for him, than before she took a glass to the face…”

      I seriously can’t imagine anyone getting wet for someone that has a knot the size of Oregon on the side of his head.

  • Mo-VSS

    I see your quick weave, p-poppin on a handstand and ghetto combo hairstyles and raise you the following:

    1) The lip smack. I hate it..it’s that pop that girls (and gay men) usually do right after they say “uhm” or “that bytch doe” or anything else low class and caliber. The lip smack/pop is the quintessential ghetto/hood fab go-to thang.

    2) Fake thugs…for every real thug there are about 3.7 fake thugs running around laying claim to murders they didn’t commit, hos they ain’t bag and money they ain’t got. Think f*ggot-ass Chauncey from Menace.

    3) Ghetto luv…notice I didn’t but “love” but “luv” cuz those folks don’t know how to love right. One minute it’s me and my bytch and the next it’s f-k them other hos cuz I’m down for my nigs. Either way, ghetto luv is everything that is wrong about life wrapped up in the herp for good measure.

    4) Freaking black’n’milds…for those of you unfamiliar with this practice, it’s taking the filter out of the black and mild and refilling it with the same tobacco you just took out in order to get somewhat high. It’s awesome…and hood fab all at the same time.

    5) Line dances that incorporate/encourage booty clap…nuff said. LOL

    • naturalista88

      The lip smack is the most annoying thing someone can do while talking. My grandma & mama would tell me “Keep smacking ya damn lips like that, I’mma smack ‘em right off yo face!!” This should apply to every hoodrat that does this.

    • randomeffery

      i never learned how to smack my lips like that…i just feel like i got shorted…like everyone–even bougie chicks–can do it but me…i also can’t pop my gum…

      thanks for teaching me what freaking a black was, i always wondered.

      • Mo-VSS

        Freaking a black is a step down from smoking weed, imo. It’s what I used to transition off weed in college. LOL

        • Kema

          weed is healthier…

        • randomeffery

          ok so i wanna try this out alone, so none of my hood-er associates will judge me…so u say i just empty out the tobacco…& then what do i do?

          i transitioned to blacks off weed too…i guess i’m still transitioning? lol

      • Kidsister

        I can’t pop gum either. I feel like my black card should be revoked because of it :-(

    • sigma_since 93

      Can we add poppin gum here too? The girls in my hood were famous for this and would combine the gum poppin with an eye roll.

      • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

        LOL, mouth pop is one of my favorite foolish things to do. I’m slightly traumatized about popping gum, because my teachers would make you stick it on your forehead for the rest of the class day and popping said gum only got you busted faster. lol

        • sigma_since 93

          You should have got you pop and eye roll in before you had to put it on your forehead LOL! The nuns at my school used to make us put the gum on our nose for the day. Hubba Bubba ain’t never been the same.

          • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

            LOL, oh I got it in. I’m saying I don’t do it much now without twitching because of that experience. And yeah, that’s some catholic school joint ish!! I went to a PUBLIC school and had nun tactics all up and through my school. They did the yardstick spankings too. LAWD.

            • sigma_since 93

              “They did the yardstick spankings too. LAWD.”

              I thought I was pledging because 68 year old Sis. Francis had a paddle with holes in it. *Young man assume the position!* Bruhs ain’t have nothing on her.

    • chunk

      #4. I didn’t know, until I knew. And now I need it done for me. Always. lol

    • http://twitter.com/fixedwater fixedwater

      Thank you for that “freaking the Black”
      I forgot all about this.
      After a while though I couldn’t see the point, it really didn’t change things that much and it took to Jam long.

      • chunk

        … agreed about how long it takes- hence “needing it done for me” lol

    • Around the Way Girl

      Your #1 reminds me of another one; the use of pet names (boo, sweetie, etc.) while you’re going off on someone. Often shouted, sometime while neck-rolling and doing the clapping thing…like “Nu-uh Boo Boo, you do not wanna try me! Trust me, sweetie, I will fcuk you up!!!” Or sometimes it’s done more calmly, by people who don’t think they’re hoodrats but have hoodrat tendencies. Regardless, I hate that sh!t. I’d rather you call me a b!tch before you call me a pet name when you really mean b!tch.

      Speaking of that, hoodrats overwhelmingly use the word “female” when referring to women and girls.

      • Be On It

        Wait, so my calmly uttered “listen sweetheart” when I’m about to cut a ninja reveals my hoodrat tendencies? Egads, must reprogram!

        • Around the Way Girl

          Lol hey, we all have something. I secretly like big ghetto rims and candy paint.

          • chunk

            +1. don’t let it be a chevy.

      • randomeffery

        LOL! I didn’t realize this was a rat tendency but I can see it.

        I use pet names & a very serene tone when I’m angry because it honestly does calm me down & helps me logically explain the catalyst of my ire. otherwise i would acquiesce to rage, making threats that i have too much ego to not at least ATTEMPT to carry out, or saying mean things i would regret.

    • http://www.greenafrodiva.com Green Afro Diva

      Black and Milds….damn those Irish Creme flavored joints!

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

    Can you name any other notable hoodrat inventions? Things hoodrats have invented that have actually made the world a much better and much more entertaining place?

    World Star Hip Hop. I don’t know if it’s made the world better or entertaining but, other than Basketball Hoes, this is the hoodratiest thing I could think of at the moment.

    • Mo-VSS

      I was completely unaware of this site until my ex was unemployed and had time to kill. He’d go on there daily and that led me to question his sanity…and really how long you can be out of work before you head down the worldstarhiphop.com road.

      • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

        I became aware cause people would always direct me to links on this site but I refuse to click them anymore. I couldn’t call myself a crime-fighting VSS if I did.

      • http://twitter.com/#!/mizzcamille MizzCam

        I’ve never actually visited… but I have a friend who keeps me updated about WorldStarHiphop and MediaTakeout. The latest ratchetness I heard was about chicks getting “penus tattoos,” sometimes w/ c.u.m??? I actually tried to search for that one, but I have yet to be successful…

        Has anyone seen/heard of this? I can’t believe this is true without seeing it with my own eyes…

        • Mo-VSS

          For the love of all thing religious I hope this is NOT the case

          • LA Red

            Yes. I have a ratchet friend that has one. It looks like a butterfly at first glance but it’s actually two women licking a penus. To make matters worse it’s on the small of her back.

            We don’t hang. Even though we only live 5 minutes from each other I only see her on Fb.

            • Mena

              Mess!

            • Sav

              Wow… I thought my ratchet friend was silly for getting “HO3″ tatted on her arm…

        • CaribbeanQueen
          • LA Red

            all I can say is WOW.

            • Mo-VSS

              Girl…double Wow

          • Todd

            May I please become White? Where do I apply/? *smh*

            • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

              Tiger was the last to apply and he has now fcked it up for everybody else. Sorry.

              • Todd

                DAMN YOU TIGER!!! DAMN YOU TO HELL!!!

                *cries in a corner*

                • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

                  (taps you on the shoulder)

                  Man up.

                  (walks off)

            • http://www.twitter.com/drrdb TWIsM

              I think my computer just caught a virus from seeing that nasty ish.

          • chunk

            gag

          • Kimmy

            My heart just sunk after viewing this. I would ask why, but there’s no sense in it :-(

          • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

            What in the tattoo ink f**k?!

          • CurlyTop

            What sensible tattoo artis would be like “yeah, thats great. I’ll do it for you” NO! When I got tatted up the artist and I had a full convo about what I wanted and where. He even told me since it was a PERMANENT THING he wanted to make sure I was sure about it. And all I got was a sankofa.

            #brickthrowondatbish

            • http://twitter.com/#!/Mailuv7 Mailuv7

              I have a sankofa too! Mine is on my ankle.

            • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

              That’s some sht you get done at someone’s house during a tattoo party. At least I hope people aren’t walking into actual shops asking for gutterbutt tatts like that.*

              *Still not clicking the link cause I don’t want to be traumatized today.

          • ChicagoCutie

            What the hell kinda job she got where this shyt can be worn out in the open like that? Can someone say employee handbook rulez violations! What the hell happened to people having pride in themselves…some standards for what’s decent?

        • Kidsister

          I’ve definitely seen (live and in person, with my own two eyes) a chick with an ejaculating peen on her chest that said cummin atcha

          • randomeffery

            LTFOL!!!!

            not “cumin atcha”
            #iCaint…

            i don’t believe you

            • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

              I do believe Kidsister. Unfortunately.

            • Kidsister

              i wish i was making this up but i’m SO not….LOL

          • kiki

            **PASSES OUT** LMAOOOOOO

          • Royale W. Cheese

            Dude.