An idol for anorexics and bulimics everywhere
For all the (deserved) hell that professional golem Eric Williams is receiving for splashing water in his ex-wife’s face during last week’s edition of Roundball Ratchets, you kind of have to step back and admire the ingenuity these reality show participants have consistently exhibited. Knowing that punches, slaps, spitting, and face mushes can get you kicked out of houses and kicked off shows (Well, can get you kicked off shows if your name isn’t Tami Roman), the blitzkrieg water splash — as quick as it’s deadly — is actually a pretty clever way to circumvent the rules while still managing to achieve your goal of blatant disrespect.
What makes the blitzkrieg water splash even more inventive is that, if done correctly, it can achieve the pinnacle of hoodrich hoochie disrespect: intentional lacefront impairment.
The prevalence of this “invention” shouldn’t surprise anyone, though. Throughout history, hoodrats — in this sense, “hoodrat” isn’t gender or even income-level specific. Eric Williams is just as much of a hoodrat as Kat Stacks — have a history of developing and pioneering things that prove to be just as resourceful and practical as they’re uncouth and cringe-worthy.
Noah, the world’s first recorded hoodrat, actually initially built the arc just so he could put it in his backyard and “impress the bitches on his block.”¹ Right when he was about to equip it with a new set of shiny, 26 inch wooden planks he leased from Rent-N-Roll, God came a calling with that flood mess and changed his plans, forever changing him from Hood dude to hero.
Hot ghetto Old Testament messes aside, here’s a few more welcome additions to American culture that hoodrats have pioneered.
The Booty Clap
Now, for all we know, they could have been booty-clapping in the Serengeti hundreds of years ago. Maybe the real reason Napoleon shot the nose off of the Great Sphinx was that he was just royally pissed and embarrassed that a couple especially sneaky booty-clapping Nile river strippers managed to get him for all of his travel cash.
But, since we don’t have any documented footage of that occurring, we’re best to assume that the booty clap — an awesome spectacle of creative debauchery that manages to incorporate the rhythmic ethos of our ancestors with an impeccably proper control of the glutes and a tinge of typical hoodrat ratchedness — was probably invented at a BBQ in a Gary, Indiana basement within the last 30 years.
Regardless of when it was first launched, the booty clap has been a great addition to our lives; extending the reach of numerous strippers, spawning many stripper’s children, and — in an act that completes the circle of life — paying for pole dancing classes for these doomed bastard stripper children.
The Argument Emphasis Clap
Although I’m not exactly sure why hoodrats seem so enthused with the idea of clapping things, I do know that I appreciate the argument emphasis clap — what happens when they get angry and start punctuating each syllable with an increasingly loud clap of the hands — because I know that if I happen to hear that while I’m at a club, it’s probably time to find the nearest escape route.
The Sagged Pants Super Sprint
Like the booty clap, it defies the laws of physics. There’s absolutely no way in hell that a man with his pants down to his f*cking knees still should be able to run a sub 4.3 40. But, as we all know, physics stopped f*cking with the hood like 30 years ago, which is why, while I was leaving my barbershop yesterday, I was able to witness a 16 year old waddle 200 yards under 9 seconds while he was running from a cop.
Why this isn’t an Olympic event yet is news to me.
The Male Pregnant Belly Beater
In one of his best stand-up performances, Dave Chappelle said (paraphrasing) that you can tell you’re in the hood when you see random babies just walking around the neighborhood at night. This may be true, but an even more reliable marker of the hood is seeing fat men walking around with wifebeaters who are either completely unaware of their fatness or completely apathetic to it.
If you’re not clear on exactly what I’m talking about, go to the 20 second mark of this video and pay attention to the Beanie Siegel doppelgangers dancing (in a quite pause worthy fashion, mind you) near the baseline.
But, although it may annoy and disgust, the male pregnant belly beater is a welcome throwback; an eff you to the rest of the world’s hang-ups about body image, fashion, and sweat glands that we can all learn from.
Anyway, people of VSB.com, I’m sure I’m forgetting a few. Can you name any other notable hoodrat inventions? Things hoodrats have invented that have actually made the world a much better and much more entertaining place?
¹This may or may not be in the version of the Bible that you read
—The Champ
***REMINDER FOR THE DMV VSB ninjas: Come join Panama Jackson this Saturday, August 6, 2011, from 10pm-3am at Liv Nightclub for Reminisce, a party dedicated to the the 90s brought to you by Shine On M Productions x Just Cause x Very Smart Brothas. With music provided by Sup Qool DJ Quartermaine, it’s going to be a throwback to the days when most of us were in college and living the good life. All 90s hip-hop/r&b/dancehall all night long. And most importantly (and best of all) its FREE until midnight ($5 cover after) OPEN BAR on rail liquor from 10-11pm and NO DRESS CODE. Come out and party like you used to do to the music you still listen to and take a shot with Panama Jackson.***
Kool-Aid as hair-dye.
i feel 82% certain that kool-aid as hair dye is a white trash invention.
i feel like they invented “the blitzkrieg water splash” too, especially if it’s a beverage w/alcohol in it…what self-respecting hood nigro/esse (rat or otherwise) would waste liquor? that’s alcohol abuse.
i’m DEAD @ “:the argument emphasis clap” ltfol…if that ain’t some hood ish…i dunno what is.
great hoodrat inventions:
1) “get the draws” tapes/cds…i probably owe my existence & that of my as-yet unborn progeny to “get the draws” mixes.
2) nig**-riggin…i promise a stick and some aluminum foil kept my car running for 8 months…it’ll keep your lights & water on, & your heat.
3) spades
4) corn liquor/moonshine (NDN hoodrats probably invented this, but country n-words are doing a great job of carrying the torch)
5) the “crackhead ponytail”. there are numerous variations, but the best version was circa 92, with concentric, multi-colored scrunchies radiating outward.
6) gangsta rap/trap music…who knew ho(l)e-smashing, gat-toting, head-bussin, & pushing powder while extremely intoxicated & notluvindemhoes would be so entertaining & inspiring to so many? 20 years deep & we still goin strong…
the “crackhead ponytail”. there are numerous variations, but the best version was circa 92, with concentric, multi-colored scrunchies radiating outward.
*chokes, dies*
I had a cousin who COULD NOT leave the house without 50-leven scrunchies on… and a barrette in her bangs o_O
I must also add the “stingy ponytail,” where it’s practically non-existent, and held in place with ridiculous amounts of black gel.
e___O @ women who still do this. Just saw one 2 days ago. She thought she was cute, too. SMH. With all the products available to promote healthy (blk) hair, they still leaning hard on that Ampro gel.
let us not forget about the “donut”… which takes the black ampro gel, fitty-leven color coordinating scrunchies, and stingy ponytails into account, with the addition of the slicked down baby hair all the way down to your eyebrows and the destruction of perfectly good socks… pairs of socks for those young ladies not plagued by the stingy ponytail.
i think i wore a donut my entire 7th grade year *hangs head down*… but mine was cute tho lmao!
I did rock 5 pairs of neon colored socks, 40′leven scrunchies, Cross Colours overalls and a Union Bay t-shirt *hands head in shame*
the “crackhead ponytail”. there are numerous variations, but the best version was circa 92, with concentric, multi-colored scrunchies radiating outward.
Oh my gawd. my 9th grade year, chicks were killin’ this…
“2) nig**-riggin…i promise a stick and some aluminum foil kept my car running for 8 months…”
So true my stomach is hurting and I can’t see from the tears brought from my laughter. My youngest broke her arm one summer and we were going to the water park. I wrapped it in a trash bag, tapped it with electrical tape and covered it with a towel at the gate. N*gga-riggin at it’s finest!
wow. that’s just…all n*gga.
*falls clean the eff out* AHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA
“911, what’s your emergency?”
“THIS!!!”
Cosign #1…. it’s still in effect… I just asked a guy if he was making a Put-chunk-to-bed playlist, what songs would make the top 5?
His answer spoke volumes!
You’re probably right about the Kool-Aid thing since Kool-Aid was invented in Nebraska!
Don’t forget that duct-tape can go along way.
Duct tape is like The Force; it has a light side, a dark side and it holds the universe together.
X_______________X
***FLATLINE****
Fake spinning rims. For real, I saw a mini van (you read that correctly) with pie tins (I am dead serious) as spinners. It was a circa 1988 wood paneled Town & Country that was spray painted instead of getting a real ice cream pain job. I died a little inside when I saw it
Pie tins? Pie tins??!! *Faints*.
Girl, not even the fake spinning rims but the spinner hubcaps….NINJA SPINNER HUBCAPS!
I ’bout died when I saw them on a 1998 Dodge Neon. Like really, doe? You gonna call attention to the crap that is your car by putting spinner hubcaps on it? Wow!
Yep, saw them in Walmart some years ago.
Walmart? Figures.
Walmart is capitalizing on notable hoodrat inventions as you can now purchase your own set of aluminum spinner hubcaps at your closest Walmart for under $50 (or maybe just my local Walmart).
The whole entire set? WTH! *passes out*
*Throws a purple church cloth over vanitaapplebum*
The whole set. I saw a Pontiac rolling on Walmacy’s the other day.
Oh we have a place in Pittsburgh called “Rent and Roll”…like a Rental City but for spinners. They will put it on anything with wheels, which includes (but I’m sure is not limited to) bicycles, scooters, baby strollers.
Alright I made that last one up but who knows
I’ve seen rims on a wheelchair, HoverRound and stroller. Yes, all of this was in New Orleans. The only thing I didn’t see rims on were roller skates. There were at least 2 rim rental places that I knew of.
*Lmao* & *smh* @ someone’s grandma rollin’ around w/some rims on their Hoveround. Next you’ll see some on a Segway *lol*.
Next you’ll see some on a Segway *lol*.
REAL. TALK. I keep seeing a cornrowed ninja near where I work with a “Ferrari” (i assume he glued a fake logo on) Segway.
Why you gotta let ‘em know all the ratchetness that happens in NOLA. We gave ‘em Lil’ Wayne don’t tell err’thing else.
Now I’ve heard it all *lmao*.
I would push that sht over in the street if I saw it and not a jury in the world would convict me.*
*You know hoodrats don’t serve jury duty.
Wait! Did you say “rim *rental* place” ? LMAO LMAO
A STROLLER?? … if the stroller was empty.. I would push it into the street like TAC.
*I can’t go to jail..I’m too pretty and have very little hood or goon in me*
a HoverRound?? that is fcking hilarious.
+1
I pass it every day on my way to work! Business is booming because I always see cars in the parking lot.
I’m only on comment #24 and my sides aches and tears are rolling down my cheeks!! Thankfully I’m not in the office today. Can’t wait to see what’s further down post.
I am crying laughing! I will never look at a pie tin the same again! LMAO
*ditto* LOL
*dead*
COD – This entire thread!
while they are similarly hood…i’m gonna have to give the Mexicans credit for this one. i’m fairly certain that Mexicans in LA started the low budget spinner trend and it spread like wildfire to hoods everywhere.
Combination hairstyles. Rednecks can have their mullets! Hood aggins will take that mullet and raise you with a one-sided shave with hearts and stars carved into it. See generally, any episode of Martin featuring the sensational salon owner, Shenehneh Jenkins (sp.). See also, in Living Color’s Ugly Wanda.
See a recent photo of Keyshia Cole….she has heart on the side of her head.
Bless her.
Remember when half cornrown, half afros were in style? *winces*
i wore my hair like that in junior high. i also wore two shirts so i could take one of them halfway off. hoodrat things with my friends. sigh.
They do that in Berkeley, CA. The high school kids would take their hoodies/sweaters off, with one arm in and still around their necks, and just leave em hanging. Like they couldn’t decide if they were hot or not.
Does this include the balding dreadlock look?
No because Stevie Wonder does it and refuse to believe he has any hoodrat tendencies. I simply refuse.
LMAO!!–dear God, I think a lung collasped on me! *tears*
(nigg@-rigs a bicycle pump to re-inflate your lung)
I will not be responsible for yet another VSP’s untimely death. At least not so early in the day.
“(nigg@-rigs a bicycle pump to re-inflate your lung)”
Can’t… breathe…
So waitaminit. Does that mean MacGyver was secretly a kneegrow?
I know I’d be proud to claim a dude that can make a bomb with a rubber band, a paper clip, and a stick of Winterfresh.
*faint dead away* I need a short intermission from reading comments….this one damn near killed me.
Floyd Mayweather Sr. used to have the balding dread game on lock… you hear me? ON LOCK. You know you are doing some special when you start typing a google search with for his name and Google anticipates that the last word you’re going to type is “Predator”.
http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2010/9/6/45d00900-764b-4e76-9c95-f6a6e030ffde.jpg
Of course I think Floyd finally went and let it go, but back in the day? Floyd Mayweather Sr = Balding Dread Bawse
He took my breath away when I 1st seent him! Yes I said seent because the look was unreal… Up there in a nice 3 piece suit looking a stanky damn mess!!! Hurt my heart…
Number 2. You’re welcome and I’m sorry –>> http://bit.ly/ps8BqK
No. Just, no.
(cries uncontrollably)
Awww, I kinda like the side shaved with stars/designs thing… I guess you can take the girl out the… aw nevermind.
Quick Weave…
P-poppin’ on a handstand…
What is Quick Weave? Some days I wish I could p*pop on a handstand. Sadly the lack of upper body weight doesn’t do me any good. I’d change my name to Peaches. There is a inner hoodrat inside of me.
quick weave is a quick wig essentially. You wrap and/or protect the real hair and cover it with a stocking cap, then you glue tracks of hair to the stocking cap. the hair is then curled and cut into a hairstyle.
I knew WIP would come to the rescue =)
BTW, this hairstyle pretty much looks like a shiny helmet.
Exhibit A: http://i.ytimg.com/vi/-pY7e6Fvif0/0.jpg
And B: http://www.hairstyletrendz.com/images/entry_photo/432-1.jpg
You want a shiny helmet? I’ll give you a shiny helmet.
http://cdn.mediatakeout.com/50035/nuh_uhhhhhhhh_have_yall_seen_rapper_shawty_los_new_hair____is_this_how_yall_do_it_in_atlanta.html
That looks like a combination of magic marker and oil sheen. No bueno.
He’s called Sharpie Lo for a reason.
A living Ken doll. The black Ken doll that raps.
I remember being at a HS basement party with my friends and that song came on…once again, gravity was defied. My really short, really big friend did a handstand, and began p-poppin’! I was amazed by 2 things that night: 1. The fact that she knew how to dance BETTER THAN a stripper at 15
2. The fact that her super large chest didn’t make her topple over, or smother her, when she did the handstand.
…to this day, I’m still jealous. And I was the gymnast/cheerleader! lol
Wow. Amazed and jealous at the same time.
Not going to lie, I like quick weaves when I want a short hair do but don’t want to commit to a chop.
I aint mad Dee… quick weave can be cute if done well!
Hmmm…
-the gold tooth
-Jungle Juice
-the street/metro vendor
-the teardrop tat
-the praying hands tat
honorable mentions:
-extensions in her hair
-bamboo earrings
-at least two pair
-a fendi bag
-and a bad attitude
-walk with a twist
-or talk with street slang
Come on. Who doesn’t need themselves a round the way girl?
Do not dis the cultural contributions of Hollis.
#thatisall
Wait… I’m from Hollis!!! Whoop whoop!
*raps* Its christmas time… in Hollis Queens
Mom’s cooking chicken and collard greens!
Hey, I just remember LL visiting Grandma every Christmas in her house at Ilion and Dunkirk. The tree in the yard with all those blue lights…good times.
finally, there are some more Queens natives here in VSB
Exactly!!!
Except I don’t have any of those things lol. I’m more like Nia Long from Friday. I chose my name while listening to “Young Nation” by Aaliyah, which is my theme song. If you don’t know that song, look it up asap cuz ou’re missing out.
-a fendi bag
-and a bad attitude
That’s all I need to get me in a good mood.
Sorry. couldn’t resist!
Oh I see your gold tooth and raise you a gold front tooth with a “diamond” (read: rhinestone) in it…my auntie has one of those *shakes head in relational hoodrat shame*
oh you only have ONE family member with one of those? oh!
You get no hood love if you only have one relative, I have 1 on Dad’s, 6 on Mum’s, who side is more ghetto I wonder
I have a friend with a diamond in her tooth…an Italian woman- who lives in Italy, mind you. Hoodrat inventions have spread…
while the good tooth wasn’t a hoodrat invention, the monogrammed gold tooth and platinum fronts were definitely hoodrat additions to the dental game.
dentists everywhere have hated blackness for eons because of this ridiculous trend.
speaking of which, i need to hit Eddie’s Gold Teeth and get me a grill.
ATL?
Da Briar.
The destruction of basketball fundamentals and teamwork – And 1.
Would you not say that AND1 (and the NBA Street franchise and the NBA itself) merely capitalized on the phenomenon of street basketball rather than invent it? I am rather certain that all of AND1′s owners are Caucasian.
The new boom box – aka, cell phones w/the ringtone blasting like it’s a mini radio. Maybe it’s made everyone else’s life better, but not mine >_<
right… that wrecks me when people play their music like that on the train. like really? And it’s always the most ignant of music. of allll the songs you could possibly play out loud at 7:30 am around all hte 2520s and we have to hear ‘f that trick, pop that p, bounce that a, work that a, twirk that btchhhh”
smh in shame.
The 2520s been had hoodrat ringtones. Was in Sephora when a 40+ y.o. white lady’s phone rang to the illustrious tones of: “Supa Man dat H0″, “No Hands”, and that “walk around the club, eff errybody”.
I have actually called people out and asked them to turn the noise down. I don’t need all that ruckus in my ear while I’m trying to read my bougie lit on my way to work.
Grow some tact.
I believe the Boondocks referred to this as ninja technology
I hit ‘em with the Smiley Face…. Btches LOVE the smiley face. (See) ——->
LOL smiley face according to Gucci
Clever
I kinda wish your avatar was a Gchat emoticon, Twism. lol
*Lol*, too shay.
Ha! I enjoyed that display of douchebaggery by Eric Williams…
And I am sure Jennifer was thinking about him for the next two weeks… I’m sure she is even more wet for him, than before she took a glass to the face…
On a serious note, it is sad that I have black men like that who are unofficial spokepersons for how negroes act…
That is why we have to make distinctions between Blacks & N****s…
SSTTE
No, please refrain from making that distinction! Make my job easier!
@Negromancer…
I hear you LOL…
“And I am sure Jennifer was thinking about him for the next two weeks… I’m sure she is even more wet for him, than before she took a glass to the face…”
I seriously can’t imagine anyone getting wet for someone that has a knot the size of Oregon on the side of his head.
I see your quick weave, p-poppin on a handstand and ghetto combo hairstyles and raise you the following:
1) The lip smack. I hate it..it’s that pop that girls (and gay men) usually do right after they say “uhm” or “that bytch doe” or anything else low class and caliber. The lip smack/pop is the quintessential ghetto/hood fab go-to thang.
2) Fake thugs…for every real thug there are about 3.7 fake thugs running around laying claim to murders they didn’t commit, hos they ain’t bag and money they ain’t got. Think f*ggot-ass Chauncey from Menace.
3) Ghetto luv…notice I didn’t but “love” but “luv” cuz those folks don’t know how to love right. One minute it’s me and my bytch and the next it’s f-k them other hos cuz I’m down for my nigs. Either way, ghetto luv is everything that is wrong about life wrapped up in the herp for good measure.
4) Freaking black’n'milds…for those of you unfamiliar with this practice, it’s taking the filter out of the black and mild and refilling it with the same tobacco you just took out in order to get somewhat high. It’s awesome…and hood fab all at the same time.
5) Line dances that incorporate/encourage booty clap…nuff said. LOL
The lip smack is the most annoying thing someone can do while talking. My grandma & mama would tell me “Keep smacking ya damn lips like that, I’mma smack ‘em right off yo face!!” This should apply to every hoodrat that does this.
i never learned how to smack my lips like that…i just feel like i got shorted…like everyone–even bougie chicks–can do it but me…i also can’t pop my gum…
thanks for teaching me what freaking a black was, i always wondered.
Freaking a black is a step down from smoking weed, imo. It’s what I used to transition off weed in college. LOL
weed is healthier…
ok so i wanna try this out alone, so none of my hood-er associates will judge me…so u say i just empty out the tobacco…& then what do i do?
i transitioned to blacks off weed too…i guess i’m still transitioning? lol
I can’t pop gum either. I feel like my black card should be revoked because of it
Can we add poppin gum here too? The girls in my hood were famous for this and would combine the gum poppin with an eye roll.
LOL, mouth pop is one of my favorite foolish things to do. I’m slightly traumatized about popping gum, because my teachers would make you stick it on your forehead for the rest of the class day and popping said gum only got you busted faster. lol
You should have got you pop and eye roll in before you had to put it on your forehead LOL! The nuns at my school used to make us put the gum on our nose for the day. Hubba Bubba ain’t never been the same.
LOL, oh I got it in. I’m saying I don’t do it much now without twitching because of that experience. And yeah, that’s some catholic school joint ish!! I went to a PUBLIC school and had nun tactics all up and through my school. They did the yardstick spankings too. LAWD.
“They did the yardstick spankings too. LAWD.”
I thought I was pledging because 68 year old Sis. Francis had a paddle with holes in it. *Young man assume the position!* Bruhs ain’t have nothing on her.
#4. I didn’t know, until I knew. And now I need it done for me. Always. lol
Thank you for that “freaking the Black”
I forgot all about this.
After a while though I couldn’t see the point, it really didn’t change things that much and it took to Jam long.
… agreed about how long it takes- hence “needing it done for me” lol
Your #1 reminds me of another one; the use of pet names (boo, sweetie, etc.) while you’re going off on someone. Often shouted, sometime while neck-rolling and doing the clapping thing…like “Nu-uh Boo Boo, you do not wanna try me! Trust me, sweetie, I will fcuk you up!!!” Or sometimes it’s done more calmly, by people who don’t think they’re hoodrats but have hoodrat tendencies. Regardless, I hate that sh!t. I’d rather you call me a b!tch before you call me a pet name when you really mean b!tch.
Speaking of that, hoodrats overwhelmingly use the word “female” when referring to women and girls.
Wait, so my calmly uttered “listen sweetheart” when I’m about to cut a ninja reveals my hoodrat tendencies? Egads, must reprogram!
Lol hey, we all have something. I secretly like big ghetto rims and candy paint.
+1. don’t let it be a chevy.
LOL! I didn’t realize this was a rat tendency but I can see it.
I use pet names & a very serene tone when I’m angry because it honestly does calm me down & helps me logically explain the catalyst of my ire. otherwise i would acquiesce to rage, making threats that i have too much ego to not at least ATTEMPT to carry out, or saying mean things i would regret.
Black and Milds….damn those Irish Creme flavored joints!
Can you name any other notable hoodrat inventions? Things hoodrats have invented that have actually made the world a much better and much more entertaining place?
World Star Hip Hop. I don’t know if it’s made the world better or entertaining but, other than Basketball Hoes, this is the hoodratiest thing I could think of at the moment.
I was completely unaware of this site until my ex was unemployed and had time to kill. He’d go on there daily and that led me to question his sanity…and really how long you can be out of work before you head down the worldstarhiphop.com road.
I became aware cause people would always direct me to links on this site but I refuse to click them anymore. I couldn’t call myself a crime-fighting VSS if I did.
I’ve never actually visited… but I have a friend who keeps me updated about WorldStarHiphop and MediaTakeout. The latest ratchetness I heard was about chicks getting “penus tattoos,” sometimes w/ c.u.m??? I actually tried to search for that one, but I have yet to be successful…
Has anyone seen/heard of this? I can’t believe this is true without seeing it with my own eyes…
For the love of all thing religious I hope this is NOT the case
Yes. I have a ratchet friend that has one. It looks like a butterfly at first glance but it’s actually two women licking a penus. To make matters worse it’s on the small of her back.
We don’t hang. Even though we only live 5 minutes from each other I only see her on Fb.
Mess!
Wow… I thought my ratchet friend was silly for getting “HO3″ tatted on her arm…
V_V its true.
NSFW
http://www.mediatakeout.com/40267/nuh_uhhhhhhhhh_check_out_the_crazzzzyyy_tatto_this_chick_has____and_the_girl_has_it_all_exposed_at_her_job.html
all I can say is WOW.
Girl…double Wow
May I please become White? Where do I apply/? *smh*
Tiger was the last to apply and he has now fcked it up for everybody else. Sorry.
DAMN YOU TIGER!!! DAMN YOU TO HELL!!!
*cries in a corner*
(taps you on the shoulder)
Man up.
(walks off)
I think my computer just caught a virus from seeing that nasty ish.
gag
My heart just sunk after viewing this. I would ask why, but there’s no sense in it
What in the tattoo ink f**k?!
What sensible tattoo artis would be like “yeah, thats great. I’ll do it for you” NO! When I got tatted up the artist and I had a full convo about what I wanted and where. He even told me since it was a PERMANENT THING he wanted to make sure I was sure about it. And all I got was a sankofa.
#brickthrowondatbish
I have a sankofa too! Mine is on my ankle.
That’s some sht you get done at someone’s house during a tattoo party. At least I hope people aren’t walking into actual shops asking for gutterbutt tatts like that.*
*Still not clicking the link cause I don’t want to be traumatized today.
What the hell kinda job she got where this shyt can be worn out in the open like that? Can someone say employee handbook rulez violations! What the hell happened to people having pride in themselves…some standards for what’s decent?
I’ve definitely seen (live and in person, with my own two eyes) a chick with an ejaculating peen on her chest that said cummin atcha
LTFOL!!!!
not “cumin atcha”
#iCaint…
i don’t believe you
I do believe Kidsister. Unfortunately.
i wish i was making this up but i’m SO not….LOL
**PASSES OUT** LMAOOOOOO
Dude.
With the US economy experiencing increased distress, an increase in this kind of tomfoolery is imminent. It shall be akin to the dystopian future that Tupac Shakur and Dr. Dre suggest in their seminal “California Love” film. Granted, the director Hype Williams borrowed this vision from the “Mad Max” franchise but is there nothing in pop culture that is NOT borrowed? But I digress…
Every city will have its own Darryl Dawkins Chocolate Thunderdome. Get your spiked shoulder-pads ready.
I love the world “tomfoolery.”
I need someone to explain to me the justification of a Virgin Mary tramp stamp. It is so horrifyingly wrong on so many levels
You pray you don’t catch anything while you’re hittin it from the back.
Professional Golum still has me cracking up.
here is my addition:
The itchy scalp weave pat. I have seen women without weaves, without perms, and honestly without hair do this signature hoodrat move. I mean before I went natural I too indulged in the itchy scalp weave pat when it was about perm time and I didn’t want to ruin my scalp for the chemical shower that was to come. But I have seen this weave pat in various arenas, and I accept and applaud it’s longevity.
I am guilty of this but I am not ashamed.
and you shouldn’t be TAC…black people have contributed some great inventions. You wouldn’t be ashamed to eat peanut butter right? Not ashamed to use a street light?…this is no different.
+1
And in my younger days when I used to get sculpted ponytails [ugh], I would always have an extra, strategically placed bobby pin to get all up under there.
+2
Straching like you have chicken pox or a mos bite and loving it,thank the lord for bobby pins
+3
My black card will be questioned now but, what is a sculpted ponytail???
I tried to find a pic, but my hood hairstyle magazines don’t have websites… Looks something like http://www.updosprom.com/img/prom-updos-black-hairstyle-upstyle.jpg, but with many variations: i.e. Pincurls, waterfalls, the bang swoop, etc… Basically you start with your hair gelled up into a high ponytail, then you wrap tracks around it and secure w/ hairpins. Then, depending on what style you want, the ponytail is curled, molded, hairsprayed into a sculpted updo.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKmLw98sLVM
Fast-forward to 1:01 – perfect example.
*THROWBACK! I had to drop it like it’s hot in my office for a sec’
I kinda wish I was in HR so I can see someone do the itchy scalp weave pat in an interview.
never did the weave pat, but I always had the rat tail comb on deck…LOL
YESSS @ the rat comb scratching. lol
aka “the black girl pat”… i’m natural and i do this all the time… but somehow when someone with weave does it, it just pushes that hoodratchet factor across lol
Slightly related, finger pad or knuckle typing…curving one’s fingers back so that the 5-inch acrylic nails don’t impede typing or pressing cash register buttons.
The head pat also prevents acrylic nails from being used to scratch the scalp.
Let me not forget using a bra strap as a headband; a few of my friends are good for doing this sh*t. Like, you can’t go into a beauty supply store & buy some headbands??
Your friends? Nope.
Hey, I thought it was okay to have a few hoodrattish friends in one’s circle *lol*.
A couple can keep you humble. A few will keep you from even getting to a place where you need to be humbled.
#realtalk
Say it again.
I was just about to say that this is my first time hearing of this phenomenon and maybe I need more friends. But Naw. I’ll pass. Ha
Wait….wait….wait….
You mean to tell me there are black women in the US are really serious about taking a bra strap…A BRA STRAP…and making it a head band?
No wonder men don’t get us. Why would anyone do this? How does it work and again why….for what?
Sigh…so confused.
It’s okay. It’s not for non-hoodrats to understand so you should be glad that you don’t.
I thought this was a yt girl thing… I see it all the time, esp. @ the gym. They actually sell “bra-strap headbands” at reg. stores like WalMart and errthang.
THIS “they actually sell “bra-strap headbands” at reg. stores like WalMart” is why me and Wal Mart can NEVER be friends.
And folks wonder why I don’t shop there. SMH
I didn’t know about that. So I guess it has been done.
I can’t make stuff like this up. When I fist saw it, I was like “Ooh, what a cute headband.” She replied “Aww girl, this ain’t no headband, it’s a bra strap.” My reaction: “……… really?” o_O
DEAD
Hahaha! I’ve been known to use a dress sock as a headband in a pinch. don’t judge me, it looked like a regular silky headband.
lmao me too.. or id cut the foot off old stockings
I’ve used a sock to shape my bun.
Same here, and I’ve used the bras strap before too, just had to try it. More compliments than any other headband. *shrug*
I’m sorry, but I’m still confused, a bra strap?!?!? Why…How…I mean why and how? And where is this happening? SMH
I used it when I had a fro.
It’s good because it’s adjustable- which means you can wear it at nearly every position of your head without needing different sizes (and that’s what makes it different than the headbands in the store- although now you can buy adjustable headbands in the store too- so really there’s no need for the bra strap anymore)
The elastic is strong, too.
That was a mainstream style for a hot minute.
wait…what??!?
“Let me not forget using a bra strap as a headband; a few of my friends are good for doing this sh*t. Like, you can’t go into a beauty supply store & buy some headbands??”
WAYMENT. This happens?!!!
Like, why ain’t nobody let ME know. Like, this is some Friday Foolery material like a mug. Like the entire post should be a picture of someone wearing a bra headband with the caption “Bra worn as headband” under it. and that’s it.
Agreed, Friday Follery at it’s best!! Best. Thread. EVER.
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_s_D2ebu26lE/SyEsL61vHAI/AAAAAAAAAjg/bMpkEdc70Z4/s320/100_0236.JPG
It’s really not that strange… you can’t tell the difference.
Wow that’s fabulous. I mean, I think the hood act is more in the fact that it’s done, not that you can tell. Ol’ subtle hoodratchedry.
Yeah, it’s cute till you tell someone you gotta bra strap in your head *lol*.
Hey now, this is actually a legit invention, especially if you use the high-end bra straps from those convertable bras (where you can remove the straps to make it strapless). Bra straps are adjustable. That plastic sliding ring and loop of material let you adjust it, and the hooks at each end of the strap clasp together perfectly. It’s an engineering marvel and is perfect as a headband. I don’t know why companies like Goodie haven’t marketed headbands with these features yet.
I’ve used bra straps to make an Afro puff, but I wouldn’t recommend wearing the strap so thT it’s visible.
Hoodrats didn’t invent colored contacts or giant hoop earrings, but they made the inventors billionaires. I see you, Jen and Evelyn
I always wondered about Jen cuz I actually began to think that color was her God-given eye color. Soooo…it’s not?
She don’t miss a beat, doe o_0
Smh I don’t understand why people bother frontin with those colored contacts. Like, you want some guy to fall for your “pretty eyes” and then be disappointed when you take them out at night? And I’ve heard enough men rave about some fake contacts to be convinced that yes, men can easily be fooled.
Uh, what’s a booty clap? Is it the same thing as giving someone a slap on their booty?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBMETVlnk5Q
Thanks, TAC! I’m not entirely sure what to make of it. Is it something I should be doing while I’m out dancing? I think I’d hurt myself and all those around me if I even thought about trying that at home.
I’d think it depends on where you go dancing and the kind of attention you want to attract.
As for trying this at home, I probably wouldn’t. As a crime fighter, I’m all about family safety.
I don’t think I want THAT kind of attenion at a club, but when I’m alone with my man… Well, if I ever find a man, I guess he’d appreciate it.
Oh no! Girl a booty clap is a maneuver that involves a woman moving in such a way that allows her booty cheeks to come together simultaneously in a clapping motion. If she’s good enough you can actually hear it make the clap sound.
#StripClubKnowledgeFTW
Mo, you had me until the end with: #StripClubKnowledgeFTW. The booty clap is limited to girls working in the strip clubs?
oh.
It’s not just #stripclubknowledge, but it was invented in the strip clubs and just became a phenomenon of sorts outside of the club in recent years.
Stand on your tippy toes ( or wear heels), spread your legs about shoulder width apart, move both legs in and out like Dorthy would if she was clicking her heels wishing to go home….booty should clap.*
*so I’ve HEARD that’s how it’s done.
lmao at this step-by-step guide!
There is at least one step-by-step guide on YouTube…
I had a stripper friend of a friend how actually told us (and showed us) that was the way it was done. And yes…it will clap if you do that and have some booty to work with.
You know Imma try this, right? LOL Gotta find some secret spot so no one sees me though.
I’m sure >50% of VSS’s have done it… just to see if we could =)
I haven’t.
*side eye* You seem to know a WHOLE lot about it…
Somebody say my name??? What? Yeah, I heard it….y’all talking about applauding cheeks and I want to be the audience.
#Freakcameouttonight
Knock ya self out! Make sure you “look back at it” while you’re doing it though….and move your legs kind fast, forgot to add that!*
*so I’ve HEARD
My notepad is gettin da bidness right now. I’m gonna try this later on today.
Well, I now have carpet burn on the bottoms of my feet (too lazy to put on heels), and I didn’t even come close to getting my booty to clap. I even hiked up my gown and dropped my knickers so the sound wouldn’t get muffled, and nothin! <— Dat's true, I'm ashamed to say. LOL! I got lots of bits jiggling, but not the ones I wanted. Imma have to try harder, I guess. Thanks for the tip!
*Ahem* not that you’re still trying… but just kinda bounce quickly on the balls of your feet, as if you’re about to jump, but not actually leaving the ground. Knees slightly bent, lean forward a little.
You do need a lil’ meat back there for it to actually “clap”
lol that’s right…I love to see VSSs helping each reach their goals. Reach one, teach one!
ok, lmao!
—-D –E–A–D—-
“I even hiked up my gown and dropped my knickers so the sound wouldn’t get muffled, and nothin!”
O. M. G!! Jesus take the wheel b/c I have officially lost it over here. Ya’ll are making my Friday.
Ever since you’re a beginner, you’re going to have to lean a little. Try leaning a little while using a chair or a wall as a balance.
I have tried this. I am not ashamed. That is all.
Killed me with the instructions!!!! But I surely will be trying this at home today while looking in the mirror… “hangsheadinshamebutalltoohappytolearnthemove#
It’s really dope if you bootyclap whilst saying, “HEAR HEAR!”
Okay. I am dead and gone at this entire thread.
Who knew we had so many (alleged) booty clapping experts here at VSB? I loves it.
i.. am in tears at this thread.. thank you for that.. i needed that laugh
I missed the fun dang it! But you guys keep me laughing all the way! I actually watched the r-rated youtube version and was like dayummmmmm…. I never knew. Thanks for the entertainment. LOL
Here are two hoodrat inventions that I see every weekend:
Girls (with no sense of propriety) proudly displaying big gaudy “neck tattoos” and guys (fake “wannabe” thugs) rocking “wife beater” t-shirts to upscale restaurants.
Lacefronts and the Lacefronts w/baby hair….smh
Speaking of which, that Avi is ery’thang that is hood
What up Big Perm??? LOL
SOOOO DEAD! I don’t even know if I can come back…
Is that 50 Tyson with a perm?
The Asians gave us lacefronts. The hood demanded lacefronts with baby hair.
Sorry, hoodrats did not invent lace fronts. Lace fronts derived from the wigs old white dudes used to wear in government. Hollywood and the theater took over from there. Some beauty supply owners found out and knew they could make a fortune pushing to the women snatching up Remy tracks.
Dang, I read your comment too quickly…just got lace front and baby…and this came to mind.
http://hellobeautiful.com/special-features/dbennett/wtf-mother-puts-lace-front-on-baby/
I am too through…
Get out of my head. I was thinking about Lace Front Baby, too. She/ he should be right up there in noteriety with Bat Boy. Maybe some day…
Hmm….
1.) Black Twitter
2.) Youtube dance phenomenons, anyone remember the Superman?
3.) The Facebook middle name i.e Sherika LetHo3sHate Brown and her man RayRay GetMoneyFast Jones
In fact, it does seem that hoodrats have revolutionized the internet….
The Facebook middle name i.e Sherika LetHo3sHate Brown and her man RayRay GetMoneyFast Jones
I unfriend all those people, ASAPly…
LMAO….
yessss to all of the above…twitter owes alot to the negroes
re #2 ummm i dunno where you reside, but the dance crazes are definitely real life, not just youtube.
Oh I’m from the A. I know they’re real. But Youtube gave them a platform never before experienced. Now Ming Li in China can do the Ricky Bobby.
Please tell me that I’m not the only one who realizes that the cat daddy is a modified ricky bobby…
Do you know proportionately, Black people are more likely to use Twitter than any other ethnic group? The sad part is that it encourages tomfoolery. Why? WHY???!!!!
Latrian Milton said it best. Sometimes you just want to do hoodrat things with your friends!! Matter of fact I’ll probably do just that this weekend. Cheers!
Okay?!??! Latarian knew what was up.
Ditto! Hoodrat things with your friends >>>>>
Here’s another one:
Talking on 2 cell phones at once in a public place to seem more important than you really are—– A real “Bitness” man.
LMAOO….kid you not, I saw a “homeless man” Jackson in downtown Chicago….this cat had a cell phone and a bluetooth…and the bluetooth. Thats’ hoodtastic….if you got a bluetooth and a cell, sell it and eat.
I see them with that around here too! But I can understand the need to communicate, pre-paid phones can be pretty cheap. (the bluetooth was definitely over the top, LOL.)
What get’s me are the homeless people with pets. WTF? Why on MTV Truelife, the people were homeless- living in a car with no where to go and nothing to eat- and had 2 dogs.
Man, I’d be mad as hell if I was that mutt….how the hell am I AND my owner struggling to survive? No wonder those mutts always seem so mean and “attitudinal”….
Ohhhh shoot…speaking of which, did we talk about the “CEOs” of non-existent enterprises?
A woman getting a tattoo on her neck or her face.
Hey! I have a tat on my neck! it’s not on the side , but still.
nape of the neck doesn’t count! stop trying to be down Misty!!
LOL Dammit Yoles how’d you know? I was just clarifying. I’m thinking about getting one that is almost on the side..so I’m breaching on rat terrain.
please. for the love all things. don’t get a side of the nect tattoo.
real talk…i stopped dating this chick once b/c i saw she had a neck tattoo…(2nd date i saw it).
i was like…”you must have a real secure job. but um…i’m not a rapper or a ball player, people will judge me and cost me money if they see us out. holla.”
It’s not on the side!! it’s just close to the side but still on the back of the neck!
I ain’t even got it yet!
Thanks to Misty I now have EvilHeffa tattooed on the left side of my neck. Does that mean I’m down?
I have a neck tat… on the back of my neck though, easily covered w/ hair/clothing.
Gary, Indiana–Stand Up! That is all. #reppin’ my city
Yo, I have a coworker that lives in Indiana and she rides the South Shore line… her husband doesn’t let her stop at the Gary stop even thought it’s much more convenient to getting to her house. Nuff said. LMAO
double dutch. i think this is a good hood invention though, not necessarily rattish.
hand games like candy girl, bulldog.
hoodrats also put mad extra rules into all their games. like playing uno with color and number stacks, pick and play and everything else just to put down all your cards at once.
Aww, hand games =)
-Miss Mary Mack
-Miss Susie
-And the best EVER – Slide
Those right there… that was the first things African-Americans taught me in school. I used to lo.ve Slide and Down by the Bank
And “I don’t want to go to Mexico”
And Down, down, baby
Down by the rollercoaster. Sweet, sweet, baby I’ll never letcha go…
Jimmy CoCo Pop, Jimmy Jimmy Bop
Mama, mama, sick in bed
Called the Dr. and the Dr. said
Let’s hear the rhythm of the head [ding-dong]
Let’s hear the rhythm of the head [ding-dong]
Let’s hear the rhythm of the hands [clap-clap]
Let’s hear the rhythm of the hands [clap-clap]
Let’s hear the rhythm of the feet [stomp-stomp]
Let’s hear the rhythm of the feet [stomp-stomp]
Let’s hear the rhythm of the ho-o-o-o-ot dog [body roll]
Let’s hear the rhythm of the ho-o-o-o-ot dog [body roll]
Put it all together and whaddaya get?
[ding-dong, clap-clap, stomp-stomp, ho-o-o-o-ot dog]
=)
…No more, more more…
There’s a big, fat policeman at the door, door, door….
He’ll grab you by the collar, make you pay a dollar…..
I don’t wanna go to Mexico no more, more, more…
Ah, youth.
Don’t do it Mizz Cam, don’t start that.
It’s too late…
-Down down baby
-My sailor went to see
Rockin’ Robin – perfected this with 4 people
*ahem* Tweet-a-leet-a-leet tweet-a-leet-a-leet [skee-ball]
Tweet-a-leet-a-leet tweet-a-leet-a-leet [that's all]
Tweet-a-leet-a-leet tweet-a-leet-a-leet [popsicle, popsicle - ya mama stank]
Rockin’ in the treetops all day long,
Hoppin’ and a-boppin’ and a-singin’ that song.
All the little birdies on Jaybird street,
Love to hear the robin go tweet, tweet, tweet
Rockin’ Robin =)
Ok, had a flashback… now I’m done.
mamas in the kitchen cookin rice
daddy’s downstairs shootin dice
brothers in the jail house drinkin ginger ale
sisters in the backyard playin fruit cocktail, rockin robin tweet tweet,
Ohhh!!! that last part was where we got ‘womanish’
oh, y’all had the G rated version… ours was like:
Mamas in the kitchen stirrin’ that rice
Daddy’s in the alley just shootin’ them dice
Brothers in jail raisin’ up heII
Sisters on the corner selling fruit-coc-tail [said while simultaneously touching head/chest/butt]
This is the one we used to say.
#ChiTownMemories
hah! they sound the same! thats why I said we got ‘womanish’ Thats what my mother/grandma would say about girls trying to act grown.
we heard “ackin’ fass”.
“Mamas in the kitchen stirrin’ that rice
Daddy’s in the alley just shootin’ them dice
Brothers in jail raisin’ up heII
Sisters on the corner selling fruit-coc-tail [said while simultaneously touching head/chest/butt]”
Holy sh*t we used to get in trouble for saying that one.
Hmm… our “fruit-coc-tail” was chest (melons, I guess?), front ladybits (doesn’t need an explanation) and butt (tail, obviously).
Means so much more now that I’m growed… o_O
yeah, that’s probably what it actually was… I was tryna picture it in my head as I was typing, lol
YES!! This is the one we sang in Louisiana. : )
yes!!!
I am NOT ashamed to admit that I can still do Miss Mary Mack and Slide
so can i. but i have a daughter who loves that damn miss mary mack.
DAMN YOU WOMAN DRESSED IN BLACK! BLACK! BLACK!
Did any of ya’ll do an extended version because my music teacher did this version where she went upstairs (stairs stairs) to make her bed (bed bed), but she bumped her head (head head) on a piece of cornbread (bread bread).
It STILL makes me cry laughing to this day.
(raises hand)
I did.
ditto.
‘rockin robin’
oh hell yeah Miss Mary Mack was my fave.
SLIDE is EVERYTHANG. The fast rotations of the hands… yo, you were truly gangsta if you can get to a higher number without fumbling. I used to think the older girls were SO cool. Like, you know when folks say they wanna be something when they grow up like a fireman… yo, I wanted to be a professional Slide master.
Please tell me you use to play numbers… new numbers… and of course the combined version.
don’t forget about hoodrat names! nothing like a hoodrat name! or spelling
Best hoodrat name ever?
Boy: Ssston (pronounced “Eston”…why black people, why?)
Girl: Amalaquiesha
Sigh…actual names of two kids I taught about 7 years ago
lol u didnt hear about Darealyst?
http://cdn.mediatakeout.com/50105/nuh_uhhhhhhhh_look_at_what_this_mother_named_her_son____you_know_that_boys_catching_hell_in_school.html
And I’m sure everyone’s heard of Le-a [pronounced Leh-dash-uh]
Did you watch “Born to Dance” on BET? Actual exchange…
Contestant: I’m doing this for my daughter, she’s my joy..
Laurieann: Her name is Joy?
Contestant: Her name is MyJoy
Me: *defenestrates TV*
I knew of a girl named FaEver…very sweet, super smart…this is why I don’t like when people start talking about “hoodrat” names…you can’t pick what your parents name you…
I just laughed soooo loudly at that name!
I knew of a girl named FaEver…very sweet, super smart…this is why I don’t like when people start talking about “hoodrat” names…you can’t pick what your parents name you…
Cause the dash ain’t not silent. <—Someone actually said this when explaining how to pronounce this mess.
We are doomed people. Doomed I say.
Yep….we just ain’t gonna make it. We as a people have 20 years tops.
But to add my 2 cents…..I do know of a lovely young lady named Chardonnay (why, Lord? She don’t even drank!)….probably Le-a’s cousin…
Excuse me? Le-a??….
(Couldn’t it have just been “L-a”? That would sound the same I think.)
I am STILL on the search for this La-a or whoever. It is on my bucket list to find this mythical creature. F**k a loch ness monster.
OKAY?! La-a is somewhere chillin’ with BigFoot and the Loch Ness Monster.
OH my Jesus. I just spit all over my computer.
Gotta say though, I’m disappointed, my VSS’ and VSB’s, that it took 180 comments before somebody mentioned the name thing.
I’m going to have a son one day and name him Ampersand… except I won’t spell that out either I’ll just use the symbol “&”.
BWAHAHAHAH
You silly.
LOL, I quit you forever, DQ. Even on Twittuh.
.
^ “Dot” is another good one.
ROTLMAO… love it! That’s better than my ex wanting to name our son Ali Baba.
Not Darealyst doe….why??????
I wonder if people get older and change their names when they realize that their parents were on some other stuff…assuming that they don’t grow up to follow in the hood path laid for them.
Well, I can think of some athletes that have creatively shortened their names. Think of Ray Rice of the Baltimore Ravens (whose full first name is Raymell) and Ty Lawson from the Denver Nuggets (whose full name is Tyjuan). There is hope.
Somebody needs to tell these parents about those name studies. You know, the ones where they found out that if you have an “ethnic” name on your resume, you’re much less likely to get a call back. My bf and I were talking about this the other day because we love certain Arabic and African names, but sadly, we might need to refrain so that our kids won’t have that problem.
Then again, though, maybe the convo would be wasted on these folks, since I’m assuming they were on drugs when they named their kids. I mean, what other explanation is there?
Yeah but Le-A though? That ain’t African, Arabian, or ethnic… that’s cryptic. You need a decoder ring to figure out what they’re talking about.
Haaaa true.
“Darealyst” gives me pause, but what’s wrong with tyjuan & raymell & shanika?
the fact that this lessens your likelihood to get a callback from a job interview isn’t the problem. it’s a symptom of this thing called racism, the structural version.
being on some facist name police tip is not the solution.
Sadly I think I’m having this problem. My name is Arabic.
this young lady named her baby girl Darkeiysha..o_O ..i have no idea what she was smoking but i caught myself rolling my eyes with the stank look on my face while looking her up and down in disbelief ..smh
Probably parts of both her parent’s name finagled together.
Darious and Keiysha combination.
Ya know when I first saw that name I thought it was “Dare-uh-list” and was like… ok, that’s just mildly hoodrattish, but then I looked it over again and saw the true meaning. DA-REALEST. I quit earth.
I did the same damn thang!!!!!! Like “thats not so bad”, then i let it simma e_O!
At my college admissions conference there was a boy named Jesusislord. No joke his name tag said Jesusislord. I was lost for words.
Saw this name in a hair magazine. I am NOT lying.
“Fartisha”
Do they call her Farti for short?
OMG…..we as a people will be extinct soon.
-Using the bottom of a disposable lighter to open a beer bottle.
-Using your EBT card in exchange for cash
-”play” cousins
-going to the club…just to hang outside
-”Allen Iverson” -sized diamond earrings
-Dude who still use the original “doo rag”…aka, a pair of pantyhose.
I luh ya like a play cuzin.
Read every comment at this point. VSBians covered a great amount of the hood territory.What have I to offer? Walk with me:
1. Ninjas always going to work but ain’t got no job and know every word of dialogue to the new Call of Duty Story mode
2. 18 members of one family living in a 2 bedroom apartment – this was me once but the benefit is that it keeps all the crazies together.
3. Hood BBQ’s where everybody welcome because they stole the food- ever left your wallet at home and been stuck at work?
4. Accessorizing Ankle bracelets – don’t act like this only happens in the corny black movies or where I’m at.
5. Everybody in your family claim to have psychic powers but nobody can pick a winning lottery number
2 a) Fitting everyone you possibly can into a 4-door sedan. I sat in the middle of the front seat in college.
In HS, I literally had ninjas riding in my trunk…
If you got JYUNK in ya TRUNCK Romey Rome wanna ride in ya trunk too. You sticky sweet freaky freak you. – Lol
Same here. I was shoving ninjas next to the spare tires and….oh, you meant in a friendly manner. My bad. Haha.
2. 18 members of one family living in a 2 bedroom apartment – this was me once but the benefit is that it keeps all the crazies together.
This is everybody trying to make it in NYC. I had some musician friends (like for REAL musicians, not “rappers”) living 10 deep in a studio in the Bronx. The tub was actually a 2 person bed. Rules for living: shower at the YMCA down the street, use the bathroom in the YMCA or the mini-mart.
Hey!!! Some rappers are musicians too. Playin real guitars, singing real runs, plankin on real pianos(after ticklin them)…don’t cha be hatin on the poets of the world just because they all got the same topics.(SMMFH on my defense of Nignorance)<–rhymed, wasn't even trying. Come to my show tonight at Bad Karma nights 2.<—Seriously though….please don't come, I'm going to get booed off stage and then come back after I finish with that groupie for an encore. LOL
in LA also.
I had 5 male friends who were all actors/directors who lived together in a studio.
One of the dudes said it was like “Oz” in that apartment. . . Ninjas always looking at each other sideways scared they were gonna get shanked!!
Mexican hoodtastic? clown school hoodtastic?
A late addition…Kid video actually already mentioned this.
Parking lot pimpin – where the thirsty ones go to try and solicit the attention of a not as thirsty other. Generally males.
P.S. my list may be less than One Hundred Percent factual but the great thing about ninjas and the thing that makes them most hoodtastic of all is that in simply typing this out, I have guaranteed that these occurrences will now take place in a hood near YOU.
Hoodtastic Logic…screw drivers are the keys to the city(and everything possessing a lock within).
*clapping and toe dancing*
1. 27 pieces.
2. Paw print tats, preferably on the boobs and/or thighs.
3. Dramatic wages on family, self, and God to prove intent: ie; “On my mama Joe” “On Me!” On Da Boss”..this may be accompanied by fist in palm pounding.
4. The ” You Know You’re From (Enter Hood Here) IF..” pages on Facebook. Even though I lurk on em, and they’re are kinda funny cuz its true, and I just found out Frog the wino on Morse died *RIP*
5. Bizarre Unhealthy & Delicious snax: Flamin Hots w/ Cheese , Pickles w/ A peppermint and/or Now N Later in the middle “Suicides” etc.,
6. Basket Weaves
7. Hair Shows/Talent Shows/ Fashion Shows
8. Barbershops/salons/boutique/BBQ/Notary spots
5 a) Eating Kool-aid.
As a matter of fact, someone listed Eating Kool-Aid as being a Hallmark of “You know you from Oakland” ..I’m thinking, NO WAY SIR! That’s a nationwide hoodrat tradition right there.
I not only ate Kool-aid, I use to sell scoops for 0.25 a pop, when we’d have the big sweetened jars.
I forgot to add
9. Text marketing for Link cards. I don’t know about other regions of the US. But out here folks are starting to send text blasts to advertise Link4Cash:
Hot Deal Can’t Be Beat #120link490$ #120link490$ Hurry deal ending soon!! Wont Last!! Get It While You Can!
Please tell me you’re making this up. Please.
Nope my friend showed me the text messages she got a few days ago, I have no idea how she even got on that mailing list, but now Link4Cash=Cash4Gold.
Hustle don’t sleep.
What is a Link card?
It’s like a debit card only for food stamps. Just swipe and go.
Hood as hell!
And the raw Ramen noodles out the pack.
Your 1 and 3 has me officially ready to call in a night!
Your 1 and 3 has me officially ready to call it a night!
#3…”I promise on ery’thang I love…” LOL. That’s my fave
Mine too. But since I don’t love much of anything, the promise is kinda empty.
I say this far too much…
In high school, so did I. “Putin that on everything” was serious bitness.
i’m partial to “on my momma…on my hood….”
but i always follow it up with “i look fly, i look good” which negates the seriousness.
whatup chalie boy.
This list is all kinds of awesome.
“5. Bizarre Unhealthy & Delicious snax”
I recently discovered Jalepeno Popper Cheese Puffs- smdh
I love peppermint and pickles!
Does that make me hood?
Yep.
This is from the girl who loves flamin’ hot cheetos, & sour pickles from the corner store…lol
+1
“4. The ” You Know You’re From (Enter Hood Here) IF..” pages on Facebook. Even though I lurk on em, and they’re are kinda funny cuz its true, and I just found out Frog the wino on Morse died *RIP*”
NO one has anything on Naturally Alise’s hometown Durham who has a page called “You know YOUR from Durham If…”
*snicker*
LMAO!!!!!!!
Hey be easy on Durham.
Truth be told, I think the ‘hood has revolutionized the Advertising/marketing world.
A few examples:
1) Donk cars: Rolling billboards, they are. It’s been discussed on here before, but the ability of the hood to rep for everything from Cheerios to John Deere is simply amazing:
http://culturalcapitalism.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/mc_donk1.jpg
2) Billboard ‘cuts: Haircuts that incorporate some design/slogan/logo. Same principle as the donk cars, just cut into one’s Caesar or fade. Ex. Soulja Boy, Ron Artest
*Leave it to the ‘hood to provide free advertising to billion dollar companies with multi-million dollar marketing/advertising budgets…smh
There is a market for that though- people to advertise on cars like that. Those brothas might be getting paid- it’s all an act! They’re really 6-figure corporate executives dressed up as d0pe boys.
That ninja holding that Ronald McDonald doll just murked me…
Hood rat inventions.
Any other corny club night names that are listed or are a variation of the below
Oh so sweet
Sugar andSpice
Grown and Sexy
Chocolate summit
Crystal evenings
Diamond saturdays
Champagne & heels
Lace and liquor
flyers with semi-nude females/celebrities that you know do not endorse their event whatsoever.
I still frequent these nights and booty clap to the music whilst doing the weave pat.
Oh no? Oh no?
*Cue Kool aid Jug man*
OOOOOOOHHH YYYYYEEEEAH
“flyers with semi-nude females/celebrities that you know do not endorse their event whatsoever” I always laugh at this when I see the flyers on FB, like really? lol
I saw a Casey Anthony verdict one.
Pretty sure there’ll be one for every non-event on TMZ, Bossip or Media takeout.
Somebody should show up and whoop azz for that one. Just. Sigh.
LMAO because I hear this on the radio all the time! “Crystal Evenings” is IT.
“flyers with semi-nude females/celebrities that you know do not endorse their event whatsoever”
Yes, Yes, & YES LMAO
- The word “ratched”.., specifically the term “ratchedness”…
- Finger waves
- Do rags
- Tapers…prolly started out as a messed up haircut, like if you sneezed when the clippers were just about to hit your head, but if you “mess up” on the other side too, call it ‘taper”…well, there you go
- And in my t-mobile commercial voice, “I maybe—I maybe wrong”….but spinning rims had to evolve from a brotha in the hood, who prolly had a flat and noticed that his rim (since physics left the hood 30 years ago) was spinning counter clockwise.
- Oh, and our paler, more mobile home-based brothers and sisters made spam “fancy” in their respective, some times imbred circles.
- “She couldn’t afford a car, so she named her daughter Alexis (or Mercedes, or Porcha, or Accura, or Tiburon, or Accorda)” – Kanye West….our people do this shyt a lot….
- Black folks were actually the inventors of social media as well….when our “hood” brothers and sisters began talking to the screen at the movies. #jusSaying
We also name our children after alcohol:
Alize
Hennessy
Margarita
I give us two years before the first Moscato is born.
To its defense, Margarita is a real name. It’s the Spanish equivalent of Margaret. Mercedes is a name, too – the creater named the car after his daughter.
I kinda feel bad for people whose names are synonymous with things when really they’re people – or literary figures, like Portia. LOL!
Lawd Hay-sus, whyyyyyyyyy are they tryna bring back the finger wave?? In recent months, I have seen it on an alarming number of Clevelanders and I don’t understand… I truly don’t -_-
De-lurking
* Acrylic Big Toe Nails
* Bone Tail Comb Functionality: Don’t have enough for the scruchie? Simply comb up the back with a bone tail comb and leave it. Can’t reach that prostyle hair gel itch, use the tail end of the comb to scratch. That b*tch Peaches talking smack, stab her with it. http://www.ipmart.com/main/product/Hot,Waves,Bone,Comb,270640.php?prod=270640
*N*gger-Riggen: I once cut myself and was out of bandaids. Nothing a hot wing napkin and duct tape couldn’t fix.
* Multi-Functional Sheets: Can be used as curtains, car seat covers, table cloths, or as actual bed sheets.
My cousin has an acrylic big toe nail…..I SMH at it every time…that HUGE A$$ Fake nail on her toe
I thought that was just on BeBe’s Kids!
Lee press on toenails, ha!
And one of ‘em popped off! Man, I love that movie…
‘Memba the gold press on nails… My aunt’s neighbor has a gold press on big toe nail.
Oh, gosh I am guilty of the acrylic toenail. My nail broke at the start of summer and I was NOT going out with busted feet. I got it trimmed and filed down so it looked exactly like the one on my other foot.
You get a pass love.
Yep, you get a pass for medical reasons. The people I’m talking about have the big acrylic toe nail that won’t allow them to put on a closed toe shoe. Then they have the nerve to put a very small hoop earring in the top of the toe nail, with a charm dangling from the earring. (Disclaimer: I live in Atlanta)
I had to get one too, Dee. I ran a marathon when I lived in NYC. After the race was over, my big toe nail said “see ya later”. I had to remedy that until it grew back.
“N*gger-Riggen”
Lol at this term, I’ve never heard it! Love it. My car is definitely an example of this. I won’t even tell you what’s under the hood, but it gets me where I need to go. Most of the time. Lol I’m gonna ride that thing till the wheels fall off too…n!ggas got tuition to pay.
AAAHAHHA ACRYLIC BIG TOENAILS! *FLATLINES*
Hood Inventions old school
Tennis balls in the spokes
Old countrty plays driving scooters on the highway because they lost their license due to a DUI.
The half comb half pick for when we rocked jheri curls (ghetto invention) and Duke texturizers.
Sadly, I had a Jheri Curl in the 80s… It’s not my fault, EVERYBODY in my school had ‘em. I remember I would wake up and have a super dry ‘fro. Then you get a giant glob of Activator Gel and finish that bad boy off with some Care Free Curl and it was good to go!
It was horrible when it rained, because the chemicals would be dripping all over the place – in my eyes and errthang =/
I had one too but I was a child and cannot be held responsible for the decisions of the adults in charge of my hair care. Just a juicy-headed mess all around.
What’s even more hood is having a Jheri curl well into the new millennium. Like my aunt. Bless her heart.
C’mon Son! Friends don’t let friends rock the Jheri Curl! Help your fam out. *Soul Glow wailing in the background*
You Had A Jheri Curl?!!!
Please note that as a self proclaimed ashhole, I cannot be held liable for committing this fun fact to memory for use on a later undisclosed date and discussion.
Your cooperation is appreciated. I thank you.
Your Sister In The Blood,
Misty Knight.
-_-
I ALMOST got one because I wanted to be like my favorite auntie. LAWDjeefus I need to thank and praise HIM that I didn’t make that choice.
When I saw that clip of Eric splashing water in Jen’s face, I seriously sat there and turned to the invisible folks in my room and asked THEM did I see what I just thought I seent. Like, it has become predictable for the ladies doing this, but they really got me with this stunt. I had just came back home for Toronto and I saw straight out the gate why we can’t have nice things in America. Like extra u’s in words and socialized healthcare.
Anyway.
“The Argument Emphasis Clap”
THIS is the best thing since sliced bread. In fact, when ol’ dude first sliced a piece of bread, I’m pretty sure he was like, “This is a good jawn, doe!” and he clapped on each word for emphasis.
And I’m sure I’d fall out with glee if I saw sagging pants sprinting in the Olympics. Especially since the next one is in… London, right? Perfect. Nothing beats hoodrat Olympics with British commentary.
I’m haven’t seen the clap as much as the “head-bussa” (if you will)- slapping the fist into the other hand when making a point.
Kevin Hart demonstrates the clap http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f78iJvl5znM
LOL YESSS.
“When I saw that clip of Eric splashing water in Jen’s face, I seriously sat there and turned to the invisible folks in my room and asked THEM did I see what I just thought I seent.”
Me too. I was, mouth opened, stunned. And is it me or was the force of it like the worst part? I’m thinking dayum that was like beer mug of water or something, she was drenched. I mean, did his mama call him after she saw that? Sigh.
I have yet to see this; it sounds epic. (WTF does Jennifer do all day?)
I was thinking the same thing too. Evelyn is store owner but her store stays empty. The weird looking girl is a real estate agent or something. Royce has a book out and was a dancer (I think she teaches dance too). Tami has her fundraiser. Meeka ugly. But what does Jen do???
LMAO!!! That’s what Meeka does all day? Just be ugly? Y’all gonna get me in trouble.
Jen actually has a cosmetics line/website. I only know this because I follow her on Twitter. They still never show her doing anything so…iono.
I HOLLERED at “Meeka ugly.”
So did I!! Wow…too funny!!!
I call Dulce “The House Of The Empty Register”
Jen is actually the only one after Shaunie that should have some money. She owns part of the “Flirty Girl” franchise. I know you’ve seen the commercials for the videos, and they have workout/dance studiosthat teach pole, lap dancing, and various work out methods here in Chicago and along the east coast that are pretty popular. She has that lip gloss stuff, which I know nothing about as well.
Jen is probably the second-richest one out of all of them and is probably smart enough to not flash her wealth on television.
epic. yes. and so.very.sad.
RIGHT?! And I’m sitting here wondering what she could’ve said so vile that made him snap like that? It just seemed some bizarre. All of it. I can’t remember exactly what she said, but I remember it not being a trigger of anything. lol
I don’t watch the show, so I wondered the same thing. All I can come up with is “fux yo mama” or something like that…. I mean, really though?!? SMDH.
As a fully licensed illadelph representative, I wholeheartedly approve and endorse your proper use of the word “jawn.”
That is all.
LOL, no prahlem. I’m definitely not familiar with it in the Chi so I’m glad I followed through on the good foot.
when i saw that splash, i rewinded it three times lol. it was just too classic not to see again… i wish they would have run it back in slow motion! po’ chile, it didn’t look like she was saying anything bad enough to get a perfectly good full glass of martini thrown in her face.
Does anyone know where in the DMV I can get a martini that big? lol
Throwing water on someone was first introduced by Kevin Heart in the BET award fake show Real House Husbands of Hollywood…. just saying
Can you name any other notable hoodrat inventions? Things hoodrats have invented that have actually made the world a much better and much more entertaining place?
1. The tom-foolery that is Hardcore Pawn
2. The booming bootleg DVD industry (how are there several booths set up in the flea market for this like it ain’t even illegal?)
3. Day labor?
4. The weekend pop-up car wash (wash, wax and vaccuum for $10? I went ahead and gave him $15.)
5. The food stamp black market
#5. Yes, yes, and yes. Thriving.
Even without paper stamps?
Yessir. People are exchanging plastic for cash. I haven’t partaken myself though. I feel like I’ve worked too hard to NOT be on stamps to be sliding anybody’s EBT card…(and when I needed them, they wouldn’t give them to me, to F* them).
can I buy some wigs with stamps? Remember I’ve got to get the fantasy wig for the Mrs.
I don’t sell edible wigs (yet), so I’d say no.
“5. The food stamp black market”
Yes!!!!
Especially when your family is hustlin’, makes things even better. You help them out, they help you out.
Everybody wins.
+1
Admittedly it requires some level of trust if you don’t shop together. You hand over cash, they hand over the card and PIN. If you don’t have the trust, yall go to the store together. Simple. Folks also barter other stuff like babysitting, hairdos, etc.
The subtle art of the food stamp hustle…LOL!
Hardcore Pawn is such an amazing show!
Did you see the one with the guy who said he could talk to Jesus and aliens through his transistor radio? Then was convinced that the store broke it and that somone pushed him down as he convulsed on the floor.
Man, that show makes me so sadly happy
LOL, somehow I missed that one. My favorite one is where the older lady was trying to fight the owner because she believed they had ripped her fur coat. I love when the people demand money- that show is outrageous. I want to believe most of those people show out so they can be on TV. I really want to believe they don’t act like that all the time.
Wait, I don’t know about this HOW?! Ain’t no one that knows me is sh*t.
Here you are my Cheekie love…a whole episode. Enjoy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ebIhLOY1LOY
Thanks, doll! *saves this for later* YAY!
Can you name any other notable hoodrat inventions? Things hoodrats have invented that have actually made the world a much better and much more entertaining place?
Hood hair styles:
The gumby
The shag – Like I’m the only one that spent hours brushing that piece of hair in the back
The rat tail
patterns in braids
The high top fade
The high top fade with some name / logo in the back – We should have cashed in and put this space for rent
Hood Fashion
Taking the benz, bmw, or cadi hood ornament off cars and wearing them. – Kept those high priced machanics in business in the late 80s
Hammer pants
Wearing a BIG A$Z clock around your neck. – Thanks Flav!
Had “the shag” with my Jheri Curl… you couldn’t tell me I wasn’t cute, #doe
Points for the combo!!
I was tryin to get my Ralph T New Edition on.
-Using baby strollers as a means to carrying groceries, etc.
-Those Nokia/Sprint/WHOEVER phones that beeped all the time. EVERYONE had one. But NONE were fighting in Iraq. SMH.
-Dudes calling each other “Son”. What? Since when did this noun become the replacement of the word, “friend”?
-Women who get their acrylic nails painted different colors. Just….no.
-Blinding eyeshadow colors that HAVE to match their outfit. So if she’s wearing neon pink…………………….
“Those Nokia/Sprint/WHOEVER phones that beeped all the time. EVERYONE had one. But NONE were fighting in Iraq. SMH.”
– That was Nextel. And I hated it. It was originally for business settings, but then it got real popular and made its way to the college crowd. But cell phone bills back then were mad expensive, so everyone who had one eventually didn’t after maybe a month or two.
I knew it was one of them–Nextel. Thanks.
Hearing that “boop beep”-ing sound 6am on the way to class wasn’t exactly morning bliss. Only to be calling some one to say “where you at?” or “what you say, man?” What????! >_<
Don't miss those freakin' phones. Not.one.bit.
but wait! I don’t have acrylics!! does that save me? lol *shrug*
awwww I’m guilty…. black nails with ring fingers a different, bright color is my ish! lol
The Child Support Invisibility Cloak – provides protection from monthly garnishment of wages, and matches EVERYTHING you own. Note: although effective against baby-mammas and some employers who will pay you under the table, is COMPLETELY VULNERABLE to penetration by Juvenile/Domestic Relations Judges. In order to supercede this factor, please purchase the Process Server Invisibility Cloak.
South FL Ratchetness
1) wearing a sleep cap with your outfit
2) Having Logo’s painted on your car (ex. KC Masterpiece bbq sauce, Princess and the Frog, M&Ms,Heineken)
3)Big Rims on little cars (ex. Ford Focus with the M&Ms painted on it sitting on 24′in rims)
4)Foot dragging ( You can hear lil Keke coming from a mile away because she don’t pick up her feet when she walk)
5) Knowing how to dance like a stripper by the age of 8 (Sad but true)
Let see….
Aaaahhh yes…
1) using dishwashing liquid as bubble bath ( I cannot confirm or deny that I’ve ever done this)
2) Neon colored weave (I am a firm believer in weave…but if it’s not a color that ANYONE
can grow on their scalp…just leave it)
3) Baby Mama’s and Baby Daddy’s
4) Using odd items as hair accesories. For example, instead of beads on braids…it’s jolly ranchers or nuts(like the kinds that go on a bolt)
5) Using the word “ain’t” instead of saying no.
6) Curve nails..( I would explain but I don’t have time)
7) Baby Phat, House of Dereon, DaDa….all hoodrat inventions
“1) using dishwashing liquid as bubble bath ( I cannot confirm or deny that I’ve ever done this)”
You know you have!!!
We we ran outta mr. bubble my Mom always improvised.
I am not ashamed.
Bwahahahahaha.
I’ve never even had Mr Bubble, lol. Man DW liquid makes serious bubbles!
#1- (or washing dishes with laundry detergent…)
“2) Neon colored weave (I am a firm believer in weave…but if it’s not a color that ANYONE can grow on their scalp…just leave it)”
I’m a proponent of neon hair- there is a wealth of creativity in the black hair industry.
“Baby Phat, House of Dereon, DaDa….all hoodrat inventions”
There is an older women in her 50s at my job that wears a different House of Dereon Shirt to work EVERY Friday. I try to divert my glance, as to not make eye contact with her species….
My grandma would put clothes pins in me & my sisters hair for picture day. They were in all sorts of colors & they would pinch my damn scalp >_<
For anyone wondering what the hell “golem” means see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golem
Lacefronts
Mixtapes
nail salons – Ok it’s not a hood invention, but we do see at last 5 on every block
Beauty Supply store – same as nail salon. A major contribution to flyness
Carryouts – 5 wings, french fries and mumbo sauce all under $5. Who can’t beat that??
Crews – Not the sport played on 2520 campuses, but just seeing 10 – 20 dudes deep wearing the same color made you know who not to mess with
I need some mumbo sauce in my life right now. Chicken and fried rice just don’t taste the same
Microwave ponytails
Did you mean microweave ponytails? Or is there really such a thing as a microwave ponytail?!!
Yes microwave ponytails.
I know I’m not the only one who remembers this.
Chick would set the yaki on rollers with setting lotion, and microwave them. It made those super hard curls.
You’re not the only one, LOL. I never did it but there was definitely a large demand at some point.
WOW!!
I never did it, but I know more than a few chicks that did…lol
For some reason, you saying this reminds of when folks used to put bags of potato chips in the oven to make them shrink/harden then make keychains out of em. I thought they were drope, frankly.
wow, that’s a trend that missed us…LOL
Wait…I never did this. Is it too late for me to try it now though?
I never tried it either… I just took someone else’s. lol It was this one girl in my class that made a bunch of em and gave it her friends. lol
Well, my ChiSister, I’m gonna make us some then.
(goes to look for a “How To” on Youtube)
-Red drink, grape drink, quarter waters, or any other non-juice mix of sugar/water/artificial coloring
- White t’s down to your ankles, 2.99 for a five pack
-No name brand general cereal that comes in giant bags.
-Subwoofer in the trunk of the car
- Any Gucci Mane mixtape that can be bought at a gas station
-39 year old grandmothers (I’m wrong for this.)
-Only got a small patch of grass to take care of in front of the house but it’s all dead
-Chinese takeout with bullet proof glass windows like bank tellers (and for DC folks… selling fries with Mambo sauce.)
-Bodega cats, and other ‘guard’ animals in retail establishments.
-Flea markets that sell surplus soap products and have giant bins of tacky jewelry
-No banks, just Payday Loan centers (Damn, the Man.)
-Storefronts look like garages when closed.
-Heck, storefronts that have so many iron bars they look like jail cells when OPEN.
-Half-vestites, would be full transvestites except cannot afford the weave so just wear women’s clothing from neck down and slap on some lipstick.
“Half-vestites, would be full transvestites except cannot afford the weave so just wear women’s clothing from neck down and slap on some lipstick.”
*lays down on floor next to her desk*
bwhahahha
Baltimore is full’o these. SMH.
So is D.C.
You are right about this, but I live on the white side of DC so I rarely encounter it unless I go to the Target in Columbia Heights; then I am reminded.
They also frequent the Gallery Place/Chinatown area…
yo…i saw one of those at CVS the other day. i was like…yo, you LAZY B. what part of the game is that. at least try ninja. damn. messing up my day with your laziness.
-”Half-vestites, would be full transvestites except cannot afford the weave so just wear women’s clothing from neck down and slap on some lipstick.”
or chicks that look like dudes except they have a full rack wearing a sports bra with dreads
“Half-vestites, would be full transvestites except cannot afford the weave so just wear women’s clothing from neck down and slap on some lipstick.”
I’m gonna need you to stop. LOL
Half-vestites, would be full transvestites except cannot afford the weave so just wear women’s clothing from neck down and slap on some lipstick.
…I nearly choked on my laughter. You ain’t right for this at all
Hood Security
For my NYC cats, stores with the ladders in the middle of the store with the guys watching you to prevent you from stealing.
I can think of a few stores in SE, DC that use this method of surveillance.
Hah! Jamaica Ave…
- The Argumentive Head Nod: where she’s nodding in agreement as you state your point, usually in a fast motion, waiting for you to shut up so she can one-up you with a counter-response. Usually accompanied with lots of “Mmm-hmms.”
- The Saturday Gas Service: Kids just run up to your car out of nowhere, asking to pump your gas, before you can even turn the engine off. But it quickly turns back into do-it-yourself when they find out you’re paying for gas with a credit card.
- “3-D” appliques on nails. Looks like you took stuff off a T-shirt or your kids’ toys and glued them to your nails. WTF is that?
- Finger-Pointing Emphasis. For every point made, you literally point with a finger.
****- The Argumentive Head Nod: where she’s nodding in agreement as you state your point, usually in a fast motion, waiting for you to shut up so she can one-up you with a counter-response. Usually accompanied with lots of “Mmm-hmms.”****
I think I’ve seen Bow Wow do this too.
Lol oh yeah, this is not limited to female hoodrats.
hell i do this.
i’m KNOWN for tuning a motherf*cker out until i get my point across.
LTFOL!!!!!!! @ “the argumentative head nod” that mess be sooooo funny…lol @ how that brought out my ebonics
I see people don’t know their weave history. Lace fronts are old. Like Joan Rivers old. Hollywood and the theater been on that. Now, hoodrats did invent wearing them in the most heinous and ridiculous fashions. And I suspect they were the leading market force behind the ones with baby hair. And I blame Chili for that too.
The Bootydoo – when a chick stomach stick out more than her booty do
Ah yes. That is quite the struggle. Potbellys. I want a sammich.
I’m about to quit you girl *lol*.
Naw, girl, she’ll stick the little booty out when she walks, but that just makes her look like she has a muscle or bone condition and the stomach sticks out more.
AND I got more…
-New names to spell known names (not exclusively ‘hood’, trailer park people do this as well.) ie. “Anntwann.” Also, any name for females begins with “La” “Ta” or “Sha”. Any first name with an apostrophe is a hood name.
-Tattoos above the neck.
-Eyeliner as lip liner (for the cholas.) Save money.
-The type of pants you wear to work is also the type you hang out in, Dickies (for the cholos.)
-Food stamp stock exchange.
-Giant neon anything. Earrings. Leggings, whatever. No ‘earth tones’ in the the hood.
-”Mini” prom dresses.
-References to Egyptian gods one knows actually very little about. Faux-mysticism.
- Stand alone parking lots not for any particular establishment.
-Used to be baggy saggy pants… now it’s TIGHT saggy pants with the WHOLE butt out. Lawdhamercy!
-Eyeliner as lip liner (for the cholas.) Save money.
^This is a serious offense, lol…..and it’s not just the cholas who do it. And PLEASE don’t let them have on some vaseline or gloss on too…….! But I just remind myself that Jesus loves them too….jacked up make-up and all.
Carry outs
Liquour Stores with a drive through window.
Women that put baby powder on there chest.
Yo-mam jokes.
Wait, wait, wait… hold’ on there!
Some talcum is very good for the underboob sweat. As a man, I don’t think you can empathize…
Baby powder though? At least rub it in, don’t have your chest looking like a chalk board.
Exactly.
It’s curry outs.
AND yes at this: “Women that put baby powder on there chest.”
Folks be lookin’ like their chest is auditioning for a remake of the movie Powder. Ma’ams. Have a booth of seats.
Thanks Cheekie for the correct way of spelling curry outs.
No big. I love spelling misspellings correctly.
o________O
Thinking that being a “video vixen” (hofessional) is a viable career option.
1. Movie Theatre Crowd Participation – kind of self explanitory, some ninjas narrate so much of the movie I halfway expect their names to roll on screen during the credits
2. The Repo Man Prevention Kit – that’s where you park your car 2 streets over and 2 blocks up so if the repo man comes to your house he can’t hit you for a lick
3. Bust it Babies – this is our contribution to the zombie apocalypse (or at least one of the signs that indicates it’s not to far off)
4. Blackplanet – where black people would come together to lie about themselves and other people before there was Facebook and Twitter
5. Going Green – yeah that’s right. Going Green, long before Al Gore was concerned about saving the planet black people was recycling the hell out of clothes, food, and bacon grease. Tell me I’m lying.
6. The Hook up – Also known as “stealing”
7. Free Cable – Also known as “stealing”
8. Fight Promotion – that $h!t that Don King has been doing ain’t nothing. Black folks been promoting and hyping fights in school yards across the nation for decades. They learned it by watching us.
9. Thickness – Black women made it ok for white women to explore their own phatness; to learn to embrace a fat a$$ and not to fear it
10. Chicken and Waffles – who but us?
BONUS (OLD SCHOOL) Inventions
1. The Pliers Channel Changer – when your knob fell of your t.v. you still had to have a way to change that dial, pliers was the answer
2. The Progeny Remote Control – that’s when your parents would yell for you from another room, or from upstairs, and when you came, they just wanted you to change the channel for them
3. Time Travel – oh what? My mom was the only one that that threatened to slap us to and through various days of the week? My mom was creative with hers though, she didn’t just threaten to slap you into next week, she thratened to slap you back in time so you could stop yourself from doing that thing that got you slapped back into time (which ultimately would cause a paradox and cause that realilty to collaspse but that’s neither here nor there)
5 AKA playclothes or hand me downs. I can’t lie I used to get excited in my cool older cousin grew out of his fly gear. You couldn’t tell me nuthin’!
Great List.
However I disagree with #1- This had not made the world better, but in fact, made it worse. I’m ashamed to admit it; think bad things about black people when I see groups of us walk into the movie theater.
3. The greatest contribution ever! They’re the gift that keeps on giving
5.You ain’t lying! It;s what I write about
6. Wall Street guys do it better
This list is everything I need today. Thank you.
(basks in the glow of memories past)
got me cryin…..lol
wife threw out bacon grease and I almost served her papers….
you wHAT?!!!!
Maaaaaaan…If I had thrown out my grandmama’s grease…*shudders*
I remember we even had a can with “GREASE” stamped into it. No coffee cans for us.
#Classy
My Mom had one of those cans too!!! LOL Silver w/ “grease” on the side.
*sings* memories…,like the corner of my mind….
the crisco can with the label of the distinguish the fresh grease from the used grease
*grams humming in the background*
“2. The Progeny Remote Control – that’s when your parents would yell for you from another room, or from upstairs, and when you came, they just wanted you to change the channel for them”
Lmao YES, or go get the remote and hand it to them. o_0
you came running up the stairs like you did something wrong the way they yelled..I know mine did
People that aren’t joking or working out wearing head bands ( Nelly circa 2000-2004.
Do you remember in the early 90′s Method Man had ninjas wearing nike football gloves like they were accessiories?
Or Sisqo’s hair. No. Just no.
Dudes in Cali were VERY MUCH INTO Sisqo’s hair at one point, from Long Beach to NIckerson Gardens, Negro’s were walking around looking like Baby Lord’s and I did not understand.
I didn’t see it too much in Carson but yeah there were a few, I remember there was a dud it Rage’s Afro Puff video that had a gold afro.
How about people that aren’t jogging or working out wearing sweat suits and jogging suits? I’m pretty sure this started in the hood. Now they got velour (sp?) “jogging suits”. That don’t even go together.
Italian mob bosses do this all the time. They are more hood than some of the hoodest people I know. And they have the juice to back it up too.
AC, I was just going to say old mobsters that get fat, retire and move to Miami where track suits.
I meant jogging.
Which hair color of Sisqo’s the gold, platinum or the red?
Ghetto energy
running cables from the pole outside to power block parties or your house (depending on how well you could hide the multiple extension cords)
Junk nails…o.O
Blow Pops in your bun or ponytail.
shirts off when its 89+ degrees walking down the streets.
Carhartt from walmart as your winter jacket.
Flamin Hots with meat & cheese mixed in. (I was told this is just a Chicago thing. Yes. I am guilty of loving it.)
Pickels and then you put the blow pop in the center. Girls around my way used to do this in the summer.
The guys @VSB should come up with a list of ” Hood Perfecting” things the hood perfected. We invited quite a few things but we ran with alot of other issshhh.
On the other side of the proverbial tracks, yesterday was a mixed result for the Black literati:
1) Huffington Post just announced that Blackvoices is becoming part of its brand. And that (possibly) means that Black intelligentsia’s opinions will be featured in the mainstream online media in an unprecedented manner.
2) The Dow Jones plummeted in the wake of the debt ceiling crisis’ resolution. On Obama’s watch. On his birthday. No, he is far from the main catalyst responsible for this: some would say that the Republicans deliberately pushed for these terrible economic conditions to make a case against Obama during the 2012 elections.
On the whole, I believe that I have won this round. I suppose that I will treat myself to a glass of claret tonight.
The hood sales person, you can find one in front of 7/11, barber shops, salons, gas stations, carry outs, corner stores, etc..
Being that I grew up amongst fine upstanding Negroes (granted neither are my parents are American blacks), I don’t have much to contribute today. So, instead I’ll be ranking my top 5 VSS.
1. Andi (because we’d obviously make the best looking couple and she looks like she comes from a family of good hard-working upstanding Negroes)
2. bumilla
3. SmartFoxGirl
4. LA Red
5. Mo-VSS
Honorable mention: Keisha Brown and Phidelity15 are both immaculately paired
o__O
Interesting…
I have no information on you. You are the dark horse.
You have no visual information. That is not likely to change. I like the anonymity. It allows me to be freer than I would otherwise be.
So, please, don’t worry about little old me. I’m good.
You already gave a frame of reference to what you look like. That’s not the issue TAC.
Then I’m afraid I don’t know what the issue is.
You took offense when I gave you a heartfelt compliment.
I apologized for that, did I not?
Initially I was lightweight offended and Corey didn’t help things by instigating but eventually I said I was sorry and took you at your word that you meant no offense.
Do I still actually seem mad about that? Cause I’m really not.
*hugs*
I see what you did here but I’ll continue on as if I didn’t.
(hugs you back)
OH, h*ck naw, you did not bring up that African v. African American strife.
Brother, I too am African, well, like Obama at least one parent is East African… but don’t for a second think or suggest that there aren’t rachet, good-for-nothing Negros in Africa. I know there are. Usually they are running the government. So hold on b4 making criticisms about the hardworking-ness of American blacks.
Peace and elbow grease.
I think he’s Panamanian… but i’m sure he could have thought of some stuff from his culture. lol! ex family was from Panama… Ive heard stories.
My sister’s ex-bf was Panamanian and his mama had to be one of the most raggedy, ratchet, toothless old ladies I’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting… And he had a sister named “Stardrina” of all names o_O…
lawd! bless hah! lol
@ the name stardrina….. *DDDDDDDEEEEEEAAAAADDDD*
Jokes.
The bathroom attendant that has everything from lotion to breath mints.
The train/station hustler, he rides the train in the evening justling insence and cologne/perfume. Or is that just a DC thing.
it’s here in bmore too
So it must be a Mid-Atlantic thing.
It’s the same dude. He is in DC in the morning…. take the slow MARC train and ends up at B-more. LOL.
I wouldn’t doubt it, lol.
Incense and oil man is universal. You know you’re in/ near the hood when you see Malcolm X Blvd., Martin Luther King Ave., and the incense & oil man. If he’s well stocked he’ll also have Shea butter. I wonder if the I&O hustlers have an annual convention or trade show. lol.
In the 90′s when dudeswere putting lotion in there hair, why?
Ran out of SlowGlo curl activator?
LOL the pink moisturizer or Johnson’s baby lotion!
Maybe they ran out of the sporting waves gel that comes in the black can.
the “booty” aka “the boosie fade”… also popular in Dallas…
http://streetchronicles.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/New-Orleans-Booty-Haircut-540×298.jpg
nooooo…not in real life…please tell me this is not real life
I do not understand, and I’m sure I’m not meant to.
Seriously what is it with the south and those bogus ace haircuts? I remember the first time I saw Juve’s first video and he had that fade, I was like ” Ni@@as still do that out there?!”
wayment… um, tf?? *blinks several times* What?? Why?? I have no words…
aaahhhh! WPOTGIT
Im gonna say the ability to purchase single Newports at liquor stores was purely to supply hood rat demand. you know… for the girls that dont smoke but they just need a lil something to boost thier buzz.
Lets not forget the wonderful world of Hood Rat terminology. Originally used by some rapper/entertainer the adopted by the hood rat nations. i.e.
“its Barbie Bitch!”
“we gettin turnt”
“im On!”
“poppington”
“ayyyyyyyyeee”
“ballliinnnnn” <— ummm ur not ballin
ooohhhh can’t forget the southside fade lol… where my houston fam at?
oh dear, the southside fade. That took over the whole state.
Oh nooooooooo! i thought that was contained lol… i used to call it “the patch”
nah…I’m in Austin, and I’ve been looking at the southside fade, for quite some time…LOL!!!
i mean i’m born and raised in tha H, and i grew up in a more than somewhat hood area lol… so i never thought anything of a southside fade when i was younger. but deep down inside, i always felt that something about it was just out of order lol!
LOL!!!
What about the Yung Star bald fade?
Noooooo!!! *snickers* Dayum forgot about that.
turrible…
How can you forget about the Lil Troy bald fade? That use to be a H-Town staple.
Wow. You’re taking me back with these cuts man.
How can you forget about the bald fade?
Somehow I think today’s responses will be tomorrow’s article about how we ‘bourgie’ ‘reading’ ninjas really just are extremely ‘hood’ and we don’t wanna cop to it.
I’m going to cheat just by looking at the photo!
Three dimensional platinum white diamond and/or canary yellow diamond encrusted medallions of cartoon characters and other childhood television show characters (as well as comic strip superhero logos) around the necks of grown behind hood rappers!!!!
Bart Simpson
Cookie Monster
Sponge Bob
Superman
Big Bird
et al.
I’m kind of fascinated with the cartoon-character-as-black-pop-icon thing. Tweetie Bird and Winnie the Pooh are at the top of the list. The closest thing I can think of from another culture is the Japanese fascination with Hello Kitty.
I died when I saw a rapper wearing a blinged out Cookie Monster medallion.
I guess they’re in touch with their childhood icons.
don’t forget the Baby Phat cat, though not a real cartoon, a drawing that was/is a hood staple.
Things I actually find to be pretty fascinating in a cultural anthropology way, rather than a SMDH way…
Fantasy hair shows. I once saw a picture, on the internet, of a helicopter hair style with a spinning propeller, also made of hair. I actually made a Halloween outfit one year where I built a lit-up Jack-O-Lantern out of black and orange weave. Best art project ever.
Air-brushed active wear. It’s kind of like urban camoflage. Stand against a graffiti wall and you blend right in.
Rapid fire gum popping. Some girls can do it without any additional chews in between each pop. I have no idea how to do it.
Along with the fashion shows, the hood runway walk. We don’t walk like reggla ol’ real models, we *must* add a dose of excra i.e. an extra two twirls at the end of said runway, majorly leaning back while we walk, arms movin skrong enough to propel us *past* the runway.
See also: any HBCU fashion show. Even the educated among us are not exempt.
Late as per usual (the following of which many are reflections of grandma and auntie ‘dem hoodness):
-China cabinets with everything but real china in it (figurines, assorted glassware, etc)
- Jars as glasses
- The ghetto-formal voice: talking with an affected accent cuz you round white folks and/or wanna be fancy, but we know you hood/country! (i.e. “heller” and “good morntin’ “)
- The hair prep hair do: a hair style worn in the outdoors (most seen @ the grocery store and/or wal-mart and/or the bus stop) that shows you got your hair done but haven’t taken it down for 3 days. Its backwards hood logic. I.e. hair in big curlers, hair wrapped in a doobie, hair in pin curls, hair still hidden under the chinese beauty supply store “silk” scarf.
- nicknames for sneakers: Js, Tims, Ones, Soldiers, Rees
- Ghetto coutoure (nother one of those hood perfectin phenomena cuz we don’t own nunna these stores): Rainbow, DTLR, simply fashion, etc. Your placement on the hood kneegrow scale; ranging from boughetto to hood rat is directly proportionate to how much of your wardrobe comes from the above-mentioned stores. If you’re clever or are a couple generations removed from true hood ratness and crossed into bougie territory (as I assume most VSS/VSBers) you know how to upsale hood coutoure. Thereby, you offset your hood pieces w/ the right amount of class to where you got white folks swearin’ the 12.99 maxi dress from Rainbow was @ a display in Saks.
my parents did the emphasis clap whenever they lectured me if they were really upset back in the day. A clap for every syllable. It used to have me scared because every other clap was a slap for me. I had to be ready
The hoodrat solution to bullies. Fight the bully with mama watching or get a beating at home from mama.
Nail art with gold rings and bedazzles hanging off the nail.
“an awesome spectacle of creative debauchery that manages to incorporate the rhythmic ethos of our ancestors with an impeccably proper control of the glutes and a tinge of typical hoodrat ratchedness — was probably invented at a BBQ in a Gary, Indiana basement within the last 30 years.”
WOOOOOOOW!!!! im born and raised in Gary, In….lbvs. Hilarious article
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