Okay. I’ll admit it. It’s true that men are typically held to a different standard in regards to the number of sexual partners we have. Because women are seen as the gatekeepers, the ones with the keys and the sexual veto power, men who are able to consistently “circumvent the system” are often highly regarded by their peers, and found to be more attractive to women. On the other hand, because women are seen as the creators of the sexual matrices, women who are “less stringent with their admissions policies and standards” are looked down upon.
To expound, men who are able to get with many women are seen in the same vein as the guy who’s able to get admitted into any university, while women whose screening processes are the exact opposite of “aggressive” and “thorough” and “logical” are seen in the same vein as community college, hence the phrase “junior college ho”‘
Admittedly, there is an inherent unfairness to this. Women are taught to suppress their sexual appetites, while men are encouraged to fulfill them. Although you can argue whether or not this way of thinking is ultimately beneficial for everyone and for the greater good of society, you can’t argue the blatant inequality in expectations.
Thing is, women aren’t the only ones held to a seemingly unfair sexual double standard. You don’t believe me? Read on:
Scenario 1: A man and a woman have been dating for a while, and have decided to take a step towards being in a committed relationship. During this time, they have a “talk”…one of those all-nighters where each party reveals a bit about themselves and their feelings and their history that the other party probably wasn’t aware of before. During this talk, the woman reveals a bit about her past…
“A decade ago, while I was still in college, a few girlfriends and I went to Cancun for spring break. We were short on cash, so we shared one room with two twin sized beds between the four of us. On one particularly wild and crazy and drunken night, while the other two roomies were still out partying, my bedmate and I decided to “experiment” with each other. It was just a one time occurrence. Sh*t, I’m not even attracted to women, and that was the first and last time I’ll ever have sex with one, but I thought that I should let you know about it before we got serious. I’d rather you hear it from me than someone else”
Now, in my very unscientific opinion, 85-90 percent of men will have some variation of one of the two following responses
1. “That’s no big deal honey. I’m sure we’ve all done stuff that we’re ashamed of. Lord knows I have”
2. “Did ya’ll make a tape???? I gotta see this tape!!! Where’s the f*cking tape??? Will you marry me????”
The other 10-15 percent might have a serious reservation or even consider it to be a deal-breaker.
Compare that to…
Scenario 2: A man and a woman have been dating for a while, and have decided to take a step towards being in a committed relationship. During this time, they have a “talk”…one of those all-nighters where each party reveals a bit about themselves and their feelings and their history that the other party probably wasn’t aware of before. During this talk, the man reveals a bit about his past…
“A few years ago while I was in college, a few frat brothers and I went to Cancun for spring break. One of the nights, when a friend and I were especially drunk and happened to be chillin in the room by ourselves watching “change of heart”, one thing led to another, and we made out and, ummmm, a few other things. It was just a one time occurrence. I’m in no way, shape, or form attracted to men, but I thought that I should let you know about it before we got serious”
Now, in my equally very unscientific opinion, 10 to 15 percent of women will have some variation of the following response…
1. “That’s no big deal honey. I’m sure we’ve all done stuff that we’re ashamed of. Lord knows I have”
…while the words coming from the mouths of the other 85-90 percent might sound something like
“Okay, I’m gonna run to the store to get some clorox wipes, plastic gloves, and ziplock bags. I expect you to be gone by the time i get back. I’d say don’t let the door hit you on the ass too hard on the way out, but your Al Reynolds ass would probably enjoy it!”
You can argue that a male homosexual act is more invasive then a female homosexual act. You can also argue that our definition of masculinity is so concretized that any act that’s perceived to be outside of that norm is immediately deemed “unmasculine”, but you can’t argue the fact that’s it’s a bit unequal. Where women are looked down upon for sheer volume, men are dismissed because of specific acts.
When you match the two “inequalities” together though, things have a way of balancing out. A self-imposed system of sexual checks and balances that ultimately work in everybody’s favor, and keeps the champ happy, which is all that really matters anyway.
—the champ
Although it may be a turn on to many men (well at least that’s how the media paints it), two women getting it on does nothing for me and the act alone assures me that I wouldn’t wanna be bothered with a lesbian or bi-sexual woman.
I’m sure your 10 to 15 percent statistic is greatly flawed because my unscientific theory will lean closer to the 1 percentile (if that) of women being fine with their dude having an “experimental” time in the past with another dude.
“Although it may be a turn on to many men (well at least that’s how the media paints it), two women getting it on does nothing for me”
me neither. i think it was intriguing to me until i actually started having sex.
OK! Me either, its like damn girl can we get some D. I. in the room, its only so much rubbing and hunching we can do (hunching, haha, aint used that one in a minute.)
@Yellahamma. I can’t believe you said “Hunching” I need to get a t-shirt with that word on it. LOVE IT.
“I’m sure your 10 to 15 percent statistic is greatly flawed because my unscientific theory will lean closer to the 1 percentile (if that) of women being fine with their dude having an “experimental” time in the past with another dude”
you know, if you just base that on what women say, then yeah, it would be around 1 percent. but, as we all know, you can’t just go by what women say they’d do, hence the 10-15 percent
I was thinking the same thing, 10-15% seemed too high! 1-3% is probably more accurate…
“1-3% is probably more accurate…”
you say that, but just in here alone, theres already been two women who said theyd be able to look past that
That’s surprising to me, but I guess you were right!
True.
@Monk. I was questioning those stats too. Thanks for pointing that out!
for the record, gay porn turns me on HARD. I just thought id put that out there. carry on.
Jess, I can’t tell the significance of this statement.
Are you male or female?
Female. Why?
I don’t see anything wrong with a woman who likes naked men. Regardless of what they’re doing ……. LOL.
However, I’d be skeptical of a man who liked to see other men naked.
Just wanted clarification.
This was not only amusing but true.
I’m still laughing at scenario #2, because I have yet to meet any woman who is okay with her guy/potential guy having a past that involves experimenting in same sex relationships. On the otherhand, although sexual double standards are often accepted by the majority, I still have a problem with my guy being a total man whore. I have no problem with him being sexually ‘experienced’ or having more encounters of casual sex, but I would be extremely hesitant about going into a relationship with someone who consistently engaged in unprotected sex with casual sex partners AND never got tested. For one, I’d need to see some papers and make a trip down to the clinic for some same day std screenings.
My question is do men make special considerations in the double standard rule if there girl was a victim of sexual violence?
“My question is do men make special considerations in the double standard rule if there girl was a victim of sexual violence?”
hmmm. this isn’t exactly a soup question
“hmmm. this isn’t exactly a soup question”
Champ, not even homemade Vichyssoise?
“I would be extremely hesitant about going into a relationship with someone who consistently engaged in unprotected sex with casual sex partners AND never got tested.”
I feel you mama, but I am hesitant (well not hesitant but cautios) about going into a relationship with someone who engages in any kind of sex, be it random, homo-(well not homo- that’s a deal breaker), hetero-, casual, committed, protected or not…the thing is, STSs occur because you can’t vouch for anyone but you…just because they said they were using condoms when they went to HEDO (which doesn’t mean they really did), doesn’t make them any more/less safe than the brother that has only had 5 partners…KNOWING your partner doesn’t make you any more/less at risk…if you’re going to have sex, protection and regular wellness checks are an understood reality…or at least it should be…
“but I am hesitant (well not hesitant but cautios) about going into a relationship with someone who engages in any kind of sex”
Good point Goodeness, but how many of us ask our potential sex partners for evidence of their last clinic visit (in addition to practicing safe sex of course). hmmmm??? This really should be a standard question to ask all potential bed mates but I think that by the time things get hot and heavy no one wants to go thumbing through their file cabinet for a doctor’s note.
real talk…unfortunately, sexual activity doesn’t come with hazard pay…it’s part of the risk we assume in feeding that particular need…(sigh) that reminds me…I need to pick up some more batteries on the way home!
To try to answer Miss Patterson’s question:
I can’t cite the study, but it showed that women who were in a relationship or marriage at the time they were raped were more likely to have their man break up with them afterwards. This doesn’t appear to be the case for women who confided a rape prior to being involved with the new boyfriend/husband.
I speculate that this reaction by males (speaking generalities here) has to do with 1) feeling violated himself, and 2) a psycho-biological and unconscious fear that any resulting child won’t be his, and other men in the tribe will laugh behind his back, thus diminishing his respect and status.
As women, we can b*tch, beg and educate all we want to change the way men and boys think (and vice versa), but in general, we won’t overcome the evolutionary process that took over 300,000 years to make us the way we are in a few generations.
Regardless of your gender, finding a mature lover who truly love you goes a long way…
“As women, we can b*tch, beg and educate all we want to change the way men and boys think (and vice versa), but in general, we won’t overcome the evolutionary process that took over 300,000 years to make us the way we are in a few generations. ”
great point and shit
“I can’t cite the study, but it showed that women who were in a relationship or marriage at the time they were raped were more likely to have their man break up with them afterwards.”
Women that is raped often shut down physically and sexually after being raped or abused. This can be extremely frustrating for her male partner over time and cause many breakdowns in a relationship.
yeah Queen i can see that but it really seems like 1 of 2 extremes; women who have been sexually abused seem to be sexually inhibited or very very sexual.
i can’t tell you how many times a woman just out of nowhere starts crying and goes on to describe to me some sexual abuse. half the time this conversation comes just after or just before sex. i’m sitting there sweating like dam, this chick betta not tell me she’s got aids or something. (…and yes i wear condoms consistently) i’m understanding but dam i didn’t sign up for this Dr. Phil shit.
wow…Kit, I’d love to read that study. deeeeeeeep.
@Miss Patterson. “I still have a problem with my guy being a total man whore. ” (mouth hanging open) Come on, if a dude said, I stopped counting when I reached 567 women, you woul be okay with that?
exactly…i WOULD have a problem with that. i’m in the population of anti-male whore takers. But Goodeness has a valid point also…no matter how many partners sex has always has the potential to be ‘dangerous’.
I think if you are of a certain age (teenage years date prior to 1990) there is also that greater chance of risk since the whole wear a condom era took place after that.
@ El…would you be more concerned with the partner who kept track or not have kept track at all??
I’m sorry NO straight guy/woman is ever that drunk…
The saying goes, a drunken man always speaks the truth…but as you stated, men are more willing to give women the ‘get out of jail’ free card when it comes to things like that…
“I’m sorry NO straight guy/woman is ever that drunk…”
i agree. being drunk doesn’t make you do anything you didnt already want to do, it just reduces your mental filters
@Champ. I think the mental filters are still there but I think most people over ride them because they can blame it on the alcohol.
While no guy is ever that drunk … In my head ever woman is only two shots away from living out her deep seated lesbian fantasy.
Or maybe I’m just really pushing for that threesome.
I think you’re probably pushing for that 3some..lol
You don’t think deep down you’ve never “wondered”.
Lets get a bottle of patron and your favorite female celebrity and test the theory.
We’ll get real scientific with it. Multiple trials, sterile environment, all that good stuff.
There’s not enough Patron in the world…lol
I’m secure in my heterosexuality.
Ditto: I once had over ten shots and trust me when I tell you (from what I can remember) not once did even kissing another woman cross my mind
It is either in your psyche or it isn’t. It can not be put there, you are either apt to do it or not
@Funkyblackchick. I see you and I think alike. There is no need to experiment when you already know what you like.
You say that now … but there is a lot of patron in the world. You might be in a real bad mood (lets say its your birthday and your alone). You might have just finished watching some new episode of the L word and you and your friend are cursing me and drowing your sorrows in instant margarita’s.
Next thing you know, you try and get up and fall into her breasts. You apologize and try to get up, but manage to stick your hand in her crouch.
At that point the seed music comes on and you kiss.
Uh … what was my original point?
Whoa..The “L” word? Never watched an episode of that..but, I think you’ve seen one too many bad pornos…lol
Strickly d___, well you know the saying…bring the patron and we can make our own flick..LOL.
I joke. I kid.
Gay is gay either way u slice it but….. 2 women can not penatrate each other, to me that is the major diff. 2 women can bump and grind all night mutha f*cking long, there is nothing on they body they can stick in the other woman that the other byatch can’t do, (i.e. finger, dildo, etc) 2 men can actually penatrate each other. This my friends is f*ucking disgusting. That is y i personally think 2 women can be sexy and 2 dudes is fucking disgusting. U wanna put ur what in where? Ninja kick rocks!!!
@yell… WOOOOWWWW! you seem offended. LMAO
@SBM look at you role playing your fantasy…
lol…yeah yella, next time tell us how you REALLY feel
What if one of the woman is wearing a strap on? Does that count as penetration? What about fingers? I’m pretty sure a finger has penetrated at least one woman in the past few years? I’m sure certain toys have also been used.
I’m with you SBM.
ME TOO, SBM!!!
i have had a conversation with a many people on this subject!! i think in most cases, with the right variables in place, a woman will be sexually intimate with another!!
Both of those scenarios are purely speculation, because what happens in Cancun stays in Cancun.
Plus no man who has experimented with other men and is “decidedly heterosexual”* is going to admit that said experimentation took place. “It never happened.” In fact I’m pretty sure they would utter those words immediately after release.
And I really think the same is true for women. Although, I can see a woman trying to impress some dude by telling him she ate some chick’s kitty to get freak points.
*Yes, “decidedly”. I believe we decide our sexual orientation regardless of who we are born attracted to. But that’s another topic for another time.
I actually concur with Deviant.
“Plus no man who has experimented with other men and is “decidedly heterosexual”* is going to admit that said experimentation took place.”
i’ve read shit where “hetero” guys who were getting their adebesi on while in prison freely admitted to doing that. they were able to compartmentalize somehow
*lol @ adebisi*
prison gay is looked at differently than regular ole “it’s Tuesday” gay…I’ve been told it’s due to a lack of opposite sex options…and (in theory) I can understand it…I know men that think that since they were “throwing” not “catching”, they are still straight…and again (in theory) I can understand the concept…but once you’re out…then what? you’re still looking for boys…you’re turned out…I’ve heard my “mariposa” boys say who better to know how a man like his head, than another man…same for women…but I don’t buy it…who wants a goatee rubbing against his inner thigh during the course of slob-knobbery? I’m just saying…but real talk, I have have seen men come to blows aruguing that (in prison-ness) if you’re “throwing” ain’t gay!…
“I’ve been told it’s due to a lack of opposite sex options…and (in theory) I can understand it…I know men that think that since they were “throwing” not “catching”, they are still straight”
its still gay though (not that theres anything wrong with that). i mean, theres a term that describes what you should just do if you only have same-sex options, and it rhymes with “grassterfate”
i don’t care if ur throwing or catching, in jail or out on bail, if ur f’ing the same sex, you’re gay. hell the f*** yes! grassterfate if you have nothing but same sex options. the rest of that shit is Gayfus Lee Terd III.
i’m not homophobic but don’t disrespect me by trying to crack and we good. …anything else and i’m snapping. no innuendo, no talking to a mutual friend about me. (like a girl) 1 warning afterwhich i will bust ur head to the white meat.
@Genius Khan. “i don’t care if ur throwing or catching, in jail or out on bail, if ur f’ing the same sex, you’re gay. hell the f*** yes! ” I co-sign on this all dayum day. Seriously, j@ck off and call it a day. If there were no men on earth I still wouln’t turn to a woman. I’m straight (literally and figuratively speaking)
“grassterfate”…..Champ, you just made me choke on my Jameson and birthday cake. You’re a d@mn fool!
I agree. When life gets tough … take the situation into your own hands and handle things.
Maybe if your jumped by like 10 guys with shanks, and the guard is in on it, and you also can’t take your own life.
Outside of that … your gay.
You know, long ago, I wrote about this too. I just may have to rehash my entire old blog. LOL. It generated quite the spirited discourse that time too.
i think i’d be more disturbed by the fact that they were watching “change of heart.”
actually, i can’t say how i’d react to this. i dated a rumored bi-sexual dude in college, and i remember being mildly stunned. i never found out for sure, though. perhaps if i had confirmation — and he hadn’t been so much of an effing jacka** in other ways — i might have been more concerned.
i think it would depend on how much this news surprised me, and how into the dude i was. i can think of two men who if they had told me, (a) it wouldn’t have seemed that far-fetched; (b) i would have continued dating them.
now, i’d probably look at him sideways if he was still close friends with this frat brother. outside of that, i don’t think i’d trip too much.
“i think i’d be more disturbed by the fact that they were watching “change of heart.””
yeah, i think this is actually gayer than the actual gay sex
It’s one of societies biggest hypocricies…if I say I’ve slept with 20 guys then I’m automactically labeled “liberal with the undies” or more explicity a whore. If I say I’m dating mulitple guys until I find the right “fit,” again I’m labeled with disdain. But if a man were doing the same thing and being honest about it then he’s just being a man…and he can sleep with 100 girls and not be looked at any less. But let me admit to more than 5 guys and all of a sudden I need to run to my local gyno to get a check up.
I think it comes from a place of insecurity when women label other women in such negative terms, for men it’s more of an air of hypocritical arrogance…don’t be mad at me b/c I’ve found my sexual stride and am content with it. Especially if my dating meter is off the richter. If I meet and date 12 guys a year the fact that I’ve only slept with 2 is not a big deal…but to each his own I guess.
But I also have to say that there are some blatant whores out there who don’t care who they sleep with as long they have someone near if only for a moment.
On the acts of random gayness: I would head for the hills if a man ever admitted to being with another man…it’s just not right. How can you honestly want to be me with and him…oh goodness no.
“On the acts of random gayness: I would head for the hills if a man ever admitted to being with another man…it’s just not right. How can you honestly want to be me with and him…oh goodness no”
this proves my point. the way you feel about a “random act of gayness” is the same a typical guy would feel about a woman’s “multiple random acts of ho-ness”.
checks and balances.
But that reasoning is illogical. It is not looked down upon when a women sleeps with a man, it is however looked down upon when a man sleeps with a man…who cares about how many at that point.
So the two are in completely different categories. And who set the rules on how many men a chic can sleep with, how many makes you a whore or loose with the cooch? What are the standards?
“But that reasoning is illogical. It is not looked down upon when a women sleeps with a man, it is however looked down upon when a man sleeps with a man…who cares about how many at that point.”
thing is, if “logic” is whats important, how logical is it to forever brand someone as “unhetero” because of one act that might have been committed decades ago?
i never said that any of this (and “this” being “the way each gender looks at sexual deal-breakers”) was right or wrong…it just is.
“thing is, if “logic” is whats important, how logical is it to forever brand someone as “unhetero” because of one act that might have been committed decades ago? ”
b/c it’s a dude and the insert point is the ass, and they probably didn’t use protection since “technically” they weren’t having sex, they were just having a little male bonding…like poker night…you see absurd that all sounds. exactly.
Teesh, don’t count. if you are keeping count; that’s so parochial. …and there is no # that i have as a rule. we shouldn’t be asking or taking counts. i’m a grown ass man not a middle schooler. i am also a freakmaster and i will figure out if you have promiscuous tendencies. If you do then maybe we can be f**k buddies, maybe not. if i think u r promiscuous then we probably won’t be bf & gf. that’s what’s up.
yeah i stopped counting many moons ago…many, many moons ago…lol.
damn if 20 makes you “liberal” I would hate to cash in my tab… (hanging head, slowly turning and walking back to the corner)
Damn Goodeness…it’s not even 10am yet and you are on your way to the corner. I was pulling for you.
I say don’t go to the corner…it’s this ridiculous male-created double standard that is subconsciously leading you to the corner. Take a stand!
nah… I don’t think I am going to the corner YET…lol…since this is a post about double standards, I don’t think the number of blocks I’ve been around will be the reason I get sent to my oasis! I mean it’s all Comfy McCozy over there now… I got a pole and I can have visitors (when his royal Champ-ness deems fit) and er’thang…so it’s not so much a punishment anymore…just like a sister…take a lemon and make lemonade…
DAMN indeed which is why I stopped counting YEARS AGO!
not mad Hedo….
i used to keep a list and calendar in college…lol, just in case. but when i became a woman i put away such childish things.
I don’t deny that I kept a calendar, for the purpose of tracking other things not as notches on a bedpost. Even in my 14 year relationship I tracked it on the calendar
it was definitely used to track other things…and wouldn’t you know that when i got knocked up i didn’t even need the damn thing.
@ Teacia… lol
I have always kept a number-less list…but it used to be complete with period(s) of partnership, size, and my own personal scoring system…lol..now I just keep names and dates… I have a friend that doesn’t even have REAL names in her mental rolodex… ish like “Tyrone’s homeboy” but “Tyrone” wasn’t even dude’s real name. WTF? ..kill yo’self…I don’t “count” but I keep good records…ish is real in the field!
oh yeah i had the stars, and inch calculator, orgasm count, good head count with juicy nicknames…it was good stuff. ahhh, to be young and wreckless again.
“I have a friend that doesn’t even have REAL names in her mental rolodex… ish like “Tyrone’s homeboy” but “Tyrone” wasn’t even dude’s real name.”
this made me choke on my water and sugar
cookies.
@Good. You are a trip. LMAO. “Tyrone’s homeboy” but “Tyrone” wasn’t even dude’s real name.” Gurl STAWP!!!!! Shoot I have friends that don’t know names but expect me to know them. “Hey remember when we went to bike fest, what was that guys name who I slept with?” LOL! Shid, I dunno, you are the one that slept with his @ss.
Ummmm, I keep a list. Real talk. Everybody and I do mean everybody who I slept with is on it. I need to know my number. Forget ya’ll.
I have never understood the desire for men who want to see girl on girl action. Does nothing for me (unless I can be in the middle). I would not give a chick a free pass for it either.
“Does nothing for me (unless I can be in the middle).”
the threesome is overrated. other than the ego boost, it’s really somewhat pointless
Somethings I would like to try for myself.
LOL! not mad.
LOL @ Somethings I would like to try for myself.
I understand. You’d like to form your own opinion about the situation ……… LOL.
yeah…the ego boost is the draw…oh wait…you meant for the man…not the woman huh? damn…nevermind…lol
whenever a man asks me if I want to participate in one I always say sure so long as its two men… for some reason he seems to loose interest in a threesome at that point. Talk about double standard.
the 2 man gangbang? yes?
OH NO!!! a 2 man show is too much work! lol… I’m getting dizzy just thinking about it!
What would you say if he is like “yeah”?
I would say “NOT” I don’t need two men to perform on me to prove anything. I would then openly question his “tendencies”.
I have yet to find a man that will agree to my terms. Usually they want a threesome with two women, and for the record I am not down with that, I need all individual attention on me, Im selfish that way.
I would say… HOLLA…old lady on the block say “something in the milk ain’t clean”
so 3somes are okay, but just girls isn’t?
I am askig for the sake of clarity…because if the roles were reversed they are still both deal breakers! If my potential man had one on one with a dude (regardless of his position) or a 3some with 2 men it’s still gay to me…if you can keep it up with another dude within arms reach of you? hell nah! I mean, if one is in front and the other in back, you are facing each other! how can you “maintain” looking eye ot eye with another MAN! nope…sorry…
“I mean, if one is in front and the other in back, you are facing each other! how can you “maintain” looking eye ot eye with another MAN! nope…sorry…”
lol…this is why i’ve always looked at dudes who bragged about running trains with a side eye.
True! But see being in the same room or even looking at each other face to face isn’t that serious to me; I mean hopefully someone has the good sense to shift his gaze. But when a guy has double-teamed a chick with another guy, all i can see in my minds eye are 2 pairs of nuts slapping against each other…and THAT’s some questionable ish. I mean think about the physics (and any porno flicks you may have seen)… it’s bound to happen.
OH HELL NAH! who does that? (for free?) I mean that ish should be reserved for the professionals! (getting light headed at the thought) nuts…slapping…2 pieces…2 holes…(passes out at desk)
LOL..i wonder the same thing. That’s work for real and doing it for free just don’t seem right!
“doing it for free just don’t seem right!”
LMAO
T Shirt
“doing it for free just don’t seem right!”
LMAO
T Shirt”
i concur
running trains is completely unacceptable behavior. it actually exceeds random acts of gayness and ho-ness.
yeah i don’t want to see another mans naked willy in a sexual sityo. i need some degree of privacy mayne. i’m not an exhibitionist. i will do the sityo’s where you can get caught but not open exhibition. i’m not pornstar, i’m just built like this.
“i’m not pornstar, i’m just built like this.”
YUMMY!
That is begging to be a tshirt
@Tallgent. ***standing ovation***
@Elenda~please don’t encourage him
I cant see a straight man EVER admitting to playing “tummy swords” with another man…to come clean about this (allegedly drunken) same sex sausage fest would undermine the level of honesty trying to be reached… a straight man saying he has been with a man, even in an animated dream sequence, plants the seed of ambiguity…she will be second guessing him for the duration of the connection (if she stays) and if she doesn’t stay, u may be outed from a closet u were never really in… thats something u take to the grave, man! as far as girl on girl…ummmmm…there was this one time at band camp….lmao!
but I digress…
the length of the “list” isnt something I need to know…as long as YOU know how many people you’ve been with (including first/last names and period(s) of “parttnership”), I dont need to know… you’re with me now and that’s what I want to focus on…if u got something, u got it before we met and knowing how many people people u have slid the salami to doesnt change that… we werent virgins when we hooked up, we both have pasts and FuBu flashcards wot change any of that… I wont be riding u into the sunset raw anyway…so u are on the same playing field as any other playmate…knowing your “number” doesnt change how the GOODENess will be bestowed upon you!
playing “tummy swords”, same sex sausage fest
LMAO
she crazy and thats why i love her. LOL!
(wink)
“a straight man saying he has been with a man, even in an animated dream sequence, plants the seed of ambiguity”
this made me choke on my poundcake and bacon.
you know my goal is to get you at least once a day…lol
The ‘gatekeeper’, ‘circumventing the system’ and ‘junior college ho’ analogies are some of the best I’ve heard to describe this age old double-standard. Thanks Champ.
Regarding the same sex experimentation thing…if a guy told me some shit he did when he was like 12, i honestly wouldn’t care. I think it’s a fairly common thing that kids might do at that age (but of course, no one admits to it). But college spring break is a bit different; by that age straight men aren’t really ‘curious’ about other men the way some women might be- it just wouldn’t sit right with me. And i think the invasiveness of the act probably has a lot to do with it. BUT, I wouldn’t try to carry him for telling me, and i damn sure wouldn’t tell anyone else, cause that’s not an easy thing for a person to admit and i’d appreciate his honesty.
“The ‘gatekeeper’, ‘circumventing the system’ and ‘junior college ho’ analogies are some of the best I’ve heard to describe this age old double-standard. Thanks Champ.”
no problem. glad i could help
Someone’s hand on your member isn’t much of an invasive act. Heck, my doctor does that. Another topic of discussion, is there something wrong if a man gets wood when his male doctor is examining him? Hmm?
LoL, I’m reading the “heck my doctor does that” and thinking that sounds sooo shady.
LOL Kamakula, first of all, you are right, a hand isn’t invasive. Neither is a mouth really, but i’ve never been drunk enough to put a penis in my mouth that i didn’t want there, so a dude gets NO free pass on that one!
And don’t worry about your doctor…I’m sure he’s very discreet
Sounds like society’s got rules regarding getting down. NO XTRA D!CKS. Just ask any Lion on the plain or stud in the prarie. I think it adds to the validation that a man needs to feel like he is needed in a relationship. ‘I need to know that my d!ck is the one that is best for her’ and anybody that came befor him was only because she hadn’t him yet. Maybe pns ego is as big as pns nv.
Tallgent careful what you wish for. I’ve heard that someone always gets left out in a 3 some.
Goodness I’ve heard that a litmus test for weather to go through with the 3 some (as far as the females are concerned)is to make sure that you are the hotter of the two chicks. Probably prevents the leftoutedness
“I need to know that my d!ck is the one that is best for her’ and anybody that came befor him was only because she hadn’t me him yet.”
good point
a man wants to feel needed and a woman needs to feel wanted.
@ genius~ that is so true and quite deep!
(hug yourself)
very true…but I don’t think I could do it if it were MY relationship…I prefer to 3some as an accessory…a reality based fantasy if you will…but even if she is “hotter” (which is completely subjective) she ain’t bout tah to out f*ck me!!! what’s my name!?!
agreed. if you’re in a threesome, there a lot to be said for just being the ‘special guest star’. you know, so i’ve heard.
(looking around and coughing) it’s true…
I am not 18 anymore, I will need a break that is cool
So from what I see. There is a tantamount disdain for whorish women and the sometimes experimenting male pending your gender and or how it may affect you. (men and women respectively) I mean everybody has heard the addage ‘the best predicter of future behavior is past behavior’ So all in all to the question of questioning people. Ladies you don’t want to be asked how many… don’t ask if your guy has ever w/ another guy? No I think that women being the talkers that they are reared in our society to be can afford such a liberty. Where as the Champ has said in some of his posts today. I look for clues and infer from there. bottom line people protect you neck… head shaft n balls labias flabias clits n tits. Cuz it’s some people out there that have reality skewed in their favor and because they don’t carry the steriotypical attitude of the label then they aren’t it. And they are just in denial that they are turned out. Yo if you can’t get through a small stint of abstinance or are a cerial dater you a hoe and if on occasion the same sex gets you arroused you gay.
LOL…good topic. I used to get upset because of said double standard…but then I just learned to play the game. No man will ever know who I’ve been with before him, unless I’m talking about one of the two major/long term relationships I’ve had. I haven’t been with like, 100 dudes, but I’ve experienced to know what I like, how it like it, and to um, “help” the man who comes next (the hubby) to get it right.
Tallgent and I were having a side bar about this… I never ask a man how many women he has been with, to me its irrelevant. Just as I expect that he never ask me the same thing for the same reason. Cause you are with me now and I am with you now and honestly who cares that I whored around in college ( I didn’t but that too is irrelevant)
I always maintain that men can not handle to know a woman’s REAL number, cause if its 5 that is 4 too many so it might as well be 50 (though that would be 49 too many).
exactly!
” I never ask a man how many women he has been with, to me its irrelevant.”
i’ve never asked, but admittedly i do use context clues to make my own assumptions
so a woman gives you PHENOMENAL brain you concur what? That she majored that in college?
“so a woman gives you PHENOMENAL brain you concur what? That she majored that in college?”
that she’s a grown-up
I mean, unless you are R. Kelly I would hope so.
Hedo asks: ““so a woman gives you PHENOMENAL brain you concur what? That she majored that in college?”
A: NO. that she’s got next for a ride on “THE SCREAM MACHINE!”
@ genius… I’m still waiting for my season pass, you know the one that lets me cut everyone waiting in line.
@JBoogie. I had to learn that lesson the hard way. I will NEVER divulge my number to of previous mate s(again) nor will I discuss past episodes; it creates insecurities in the bedroom. It also gives them venom to use in future fights or arguments.
All of it is nasty.
funny. i was just talking about the whole experimentation phenomenon with someone. like sexuality is not something you try, its something you are. and on that note, alcohol is the catalyst for something thats already inherent in you, its doesnt just make shit for you to be. if ur a bi, then ur a bi. you like kissing girls when your sober, you just need to get drunk to justify it. it is what it is.
all the same though, ppl shouldnt think that b/c ur bi you like to be with men and women at the same time. hetero ppl dont say well i like the opposite sex, but like 2 and 3 at a time. bi ppl (well most anyway) go boths ways one at a time. so, if i am bi and ur my man, dont think ima be with a girl at the same time as u just because i like girls. it doesnt matter who or what you cheat with, it matters that you cheated.
say that hot ish! I be trying to told ya!
Just a clarifycation question. If I beat one off is that cheatin?
@WuDaMan. Nope, nothing wrong with alone time. I m@sterbare regularly and it has nothing to do with my partner’s ability to do anything. However, I just like doing me sometimes and sometimes he’s not around and I don’t like waiting.
Thanks Elenda.
for further clarification
what if you get it off while actively engaged in a phone conversation with someone who is not your bf/gf(the purpose of said phone conversation is to get it off, both parties are in the know)? Is it cheating? You make the call.
wow…ummm…I would like to say yes…but I will admit that I have been a phone ho with a dude that had a girlfriend (in a former life)…so…still yes…anything that you wouldn’t want your SO doing to you, isn’t something you should be doing to them…and phone sex (whether it’s with a stranger or someone you know) it’s cheat-ish…
I think so, I mean that is what I am there for, call me at work, I can take time off. If I am sleep wake my a$$ up. I refuse to take of it myself if I have a woman. Not saying that is her only role but one I expect to have satisfied.
I disagree with the whole “if you’d do it while drunk then that equals what you are as a person”. If a guy (adult) has sex with a 14yo girl under an improbable situation (he very drunk, she wanting to get into his pants), does that mean that the guy really is a pedophile? Despite the fact that he’d never have done anything with the girl if he wasn’t drunk?
What about stealing a shot glass or something? Does that mean someone who palms one when they are three sheets to the wind is really a thief?
Do you really want to be completely summarized by your behavior when completely drunk? I’d think not.
i dont know about you, but if i know something is wrong or im against it, no amount of alcohol will bend me in that direction.
i feel like you used a bad example, cause if the right 14 y.o walked up to any sensible dude (sensible meaning knowing where to draw the line with sex with a minor) he would make a decision based on his own morals, wheter he would be caught or not to have to make an excuse (ie. i was drunk) in the first place.
and i dunno what you consider pedophilia, but consider how similar minors close to the “adult” age of 18 resemble adults physically at the onset of puberty, which for some girls, happens at age 8. you cant necessarily lump sexual acts with a 4 year old with those of a 17 year old (or 14 year old for that matter) cause youre dealing with 2 different things. of course post pubescent pedophilia is wrong im not in any way justifying it but if you tell me you would get drunk and finger a 3rd grader i would call you a sick man, drunk or sober. that would mean you were turned on by a child, which alcohol just does not do.
lets not bring the beer goggles into age progression folks. like i said, if a 14 year old with a 21 year old body approached the average man, he *would consider* her with disregard for her age because of her sexually suggesting appearance (breast, hips, etc). a child who has not reached puberty (in most cases) SHOULD NOT provoke those kinds of feelings in an adult, no matter how drunk he is.
i hope this is clear cause i am pulling an all nighter and my thoughts may be a little scrambled.
You must be tired to have fallen into this trap. Still, I’m not going to go easy. So, where does it end? If a well endowed, tall for her age, 11 yo came up to a really drunk guy, does he get a free pass? What about a 10yo that blossomed really early and is pretty tall – say the daughter of a Shaq and some 7ft woman?
You don’t say I was drunk to excuse that. You say I had no clue what I was doing. Unless people love to lie to me, there have been many who have next to zero memory of what happened when they were fully drunk.
Another aspect of this – do you guys really know what alcohol does to someone? Again, let me bring in a wild example, if I get a girl (legal age) really drunk and have sex with her, is that “fine”. At that point, can we really say there was any consent? If alcohol doesn’t fuck with someone’s decision making process, then what about rohypnol? What is it about the effects of alcohol that makes it different from any other drug?
Is it because alcohol is legal that people think there are limitations to its effects on the human mind? Or would you have me believe that all behavior of people under the influence of anything is truly a reflection of who they really are.
the point i was trying to make was sexual attraction to a prepubescent child (pedophilia) is not a matter of being drunk or not, its a matter of morals. the same set of morals dont necessarily parallel when it comes to a more matured young girl because of the resemblance between her and a woman maybe 3 years older than her, who its is “ok” to have sex with. you might say, sober, “nah, man thats not right, she got a bangin body, and if she was a couple years older, yea, but thats not right” and then not give a fuck about it not being right when you’re drunk and your inhibitions are clouded. if you see a little kid sober and you understand its a little kid, what the hell is gonna make you so drunk that you wanna sex a little kid? if u feel its wrong its wrong whether you are drunk or not.
now as far as “blacking out” i myself never been that drunk (and i have gotten pretty damn drunk) so hell no i dont believe ppl when they cop that plea. you cant prove whether they remember it or not, so ppl take advantage of that, IMO.
as far as gettin slipped a mickey, which affects you physiologically by making you pass out, it doesnt matter what you think when you’re subdued.
im not justifying anyones actions while under the influence, whether its taking advantage of another or pedophilia or whatever, im just saying people use the guise of mind-altering substances to exonerate themselves from shit they soberly do in the dark. if you are that naive as to think they dont, take a good look at society today and how many “wrong” actions people *knowingly* take, and the great measures they go to to prove they “didnt know what they were doing”.
According to you, I should be wary of anyone who has ever knowingly done something wrong in their lives. Since I know of nobody alive who can claim to have lived blame free lives, I’m forced to take the stance that there are situations and substances that can make otherwise “good” people do or experiment with things that they would not intend to do otherwise.
if you are gonna use an example like pedophilia, at least be thorough at all the instances surrounding such actions instead of trying to umbrella every wrongdoing (that can include double parking and jaywalking for petes sake) with the whole “blame free life” scenario.
maybe its just me, but i feel liek alot of people do things with intention (as opposed to without) than you think they do, and alcohol (not roofies or lithium or things of that sort) DOES NOT have the power to induce inclinations you do not have while sober. it just doesnt.
clearly we are 2 different ppl with 2 different sets of experiences and 2 different perceptions of the human condition and how alcohol can affect that.
For as long as I can remember I had a bad rep… REALLY it was undeserved for the better part of my life. I was guilty by association. I hung out with women that were considered fast and furious and had slept with one or more members of a particular sports team (on more than one occasion) and because those were my girls I was cast in the same light. During this time men would step to me based upon what they thought was fact. When they found out the truth they usually got their feelings hurt and they and I both kept it moving. They however sometimes kept the rumor mill stirring so as not to loose face. To some of my close male friends it made it seem like I was discarding men left and right. One of them even told me once that I “treated dudes the way men treat chics” to which I retorted, “what’s wrong with that, you don’t like the taste of your own medicine?”
This was all based on the premise that these men would tell grandiose tales of what I supposedly did to them (so as not to loose face with their boys). I didn’t care because I knew the truth and honestly when they would see me they would high tale it out of my presence which made them look more like a punk than anything else.
Anyway I say all that to say this. It is a double standard. It is hypocritical. Even the rumor about your “homosexual” endeavours are enough to black list you among women and (straight) men. Just as the rumors about you whoring around in college did to me, don’t pity me, I didn’t care then and I still don’t.
In the long run gay, straight, bi, curious, whatever. Just don’t lie to me. If I ask you if you have been in any type of relationship (btw the gay sex question is usually one of the first 3 I ask) answer me honestly. I ask because I want to know. Just like I want to know it you have a stalker, or a baby mama or a wife or a legitimate/illegitimate source of income. Anything that you are involved in that can have a direct or indirect effect on my physical, mental, or financial well being affects me. Just don’t lie, at least give me a chance to determine how I will deal with it. Even if it is to high tail it out of the situation.
“In the long run gay, straight, bi, curious, whatever. Just don’t lie to me. If I ask you if you have been in any type of relationship (btw the gay sex question is usually one of the first 3 I ask) answer me honestly.”
Indeed…nowadays, you really HAVE to ask this question with all the um, DL dudes (diva, homo thugs, etc.) running around.
I had a discussion with someone about a similar topic. Pretty much we were discussing my relative amount of homophobia compared to the typical (hetero) male.
We didn’t broach another side of this issue, that has come up here, namely the (hetero) female phobia of (hetero) males who either have done something with another guy at some point or who have a very low amount of homophobia.
It is interesting that a woman who has “experimented” with another woman is even MORE attractive to the typical (hetero) male who wouldn’t think of questioning her sexuality while a man in the same situation faces severe castigation. Perhaps women are not as liberated as they think.
Interesting to consider – that by being free of one form of repression, women are still being repressed.
i think ur right kamakula. men and women can better accept women that have had same sex experiences as not necessarily GAY but are NOT accepting of men who have had same sex experiences. (if that’s what ur saying) Champ illudes to this but you speak straight to it and some of the comments here seem to confirm it. what say ye, vsb.comers?
I believe its because what Champ alluded to and that is that most men fantasize about two women with or without themselves included in the tryst. Trust me when I tell you most women do not fantasize about two men sword fighting (Unless its Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom and they have actual swords, and I am tied to a post…but I digress).
You disgust me, sit the corner and remain silent.
you say that all the time and you always come back… MUAH!
damn…bruh got all forceful on you HEDO…take that ish then! LOL
You just got let out of the corner, so you might to hush, thank you for time.
@ Tallgent…you know better than that, don’t you? I will behave cuz I don’t want to get e-checked…but I’m doing it cuz I want to…not cuz you told me to… so there
lol
@ Good~thanks for looking out… He only does it cause he knows I like it
“Unless its Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom and they have actual swords, and I am tied to a post…but I digress”
i’m thinking goodeness might have some company soon
I confirm it…the thought of my man (if I had one, that is) being with another man somehow makes him less of a man to me… I know it’s not PC…but the thought that my (completely hypothetical) man is assuming a more feminine role**, shakes my faith in his ability to be a “man” for me…
**”more feminine role” being that in romantic dynamics there is a sun/moon…god/earth…masculine/feminine…dominant/submissive paradigm and someone has to take on the less masculine role…even if my (imaginary) man take the dominant act, I could never be the kind of yin to that yang…it’s not my nature…
what if your imaginary man was the one on top in the manwich?
I agree. But i’m not one of those women that thinks that one solitary act, by a man or woman, makes you gay.
I think the problem that women have with male homosexual activity is both shallow (it’s ‘nasty’) and on a deeper level, it’s disturbing because it is so anti the image of the masucline man you want to be your partner, take care of you (not necessarily financially, i hope you guys feel me cause i don’t want to qualify my comment to death), hold you down, etc. Women are likely threatened by the thought of their man liking other men because she can very easily be pushed out of the picture and rendered unnecessary.
Female homosexual activity on the other hand doesn’t pose much of a threat in the mind of a typical guy, which is one reason it’s likely to be no big deal to them. Most men will still feel like a woman needs a man, like she was just playing around with a woman, bored, didn’t have a man around whatever, so it’s just not as disturbing an image. It doesn’t challenge her feminity the same way experimentation challenges his masculinity.
Hence, forwith and theretofore, same sex experimentation is unacceptable to women and less of a big deal to men
so real…so true…hitting nail on the head, you are!
ForReal: “It doesn’t challenge her feminity the same way experimentation challenges his masculinity.”
in my eyes men having sex with men makes their masculinity suspect everytime but women having sex with women does not necessarily make her femeninity suspect everytime.
Q: is there a double standard?
A: you dam skippy!
just one black man’s opinion.
Genius, we are agreeing with each other. My wording may have been a bit muddled
no doubt, i gathered that my comment was what you felt ForReal.
your close threw me a lil bit but i felt the essence and knew we were in agreeance. big THEF**K up!
“Female homosexual activity on the other hand doesn’t pose much of a threat in the mind of a typical guy, which is one reason it’s likely to be no big deal to them. Most men will still feel like a woman needs a man, like she was just playing around with a woman, bored, didn’t have a man around whatever, so it’s just not as disturbing an image. It doesn’t challenge her feminity the same way experimentation challenges his masculinity.”
*choir practice*
Hmm, so this alludes to another point that I brought up, however it exposes another side to it:
Do women really see themselves as equal to men? Or vice versa. How else can it be “oh, she was just playing around” “she didn’t have a man” “even if she did that, she needs a man” vs “if he’s done that with a man, maybe he doesn’t need me”.
concretized?
is that a word?
I was just about to ask the same thing but I didn’t want to be first just in case it really is a word and everyone knew it but me. LOL!
TIIIIIIIITS McGEEEEEE….where you been baby? you and D*Stroy have been MIA… I guess one out of two ain’t bad!
but I digress…
as for “concretized”, you know we makes words up, up in here! lol
con·cre·tize Audio Help /?k?nkr??ta?z, ?k??-; k?n?krita?z, k??-, k?n-, k??-/ Pronunciation Key – Show Spelled Pronunciation[kon-kruh-tahyz, kong-; kon-kree-tahyz, kong-, kuhn-, kuhng-] Pronunciation Key – Show IPA Pronunciation
–verb (used with object), -tized, -tiz·ing. to make concrete, real, or particular; give tangible or definite form to: to concretize abstractions.
oooh you all smourt and stuff.
and welcome back, tits. we missed you very much
i don’t miss a day at vsb.com…i just lurk in the shadows of your massive following!
(giggling) you said “massive”…
@Champ. This post was sheer genius. After reading the few paragraphs, I was getting ready to let you have it about the double standard between men and women being hoes based on numbers of sexually partners. Then, you through that whole homo spin on it and I instantly became speechless.
I look at both examples as being disgusting (js). If I was right at the edge of going into a serious relationship and I revealed the homo scenario to my potential (which I would NEVER do because I will never eat pie, EVER! Hell, I don’t even know how some of you do it. Mind you, my peach pie is the best ever, but that is not what this comment is about) mate, I am sure I would get placed in the “freak” category versus the “wifey” category.
People can pretend like it is cute for women to “experiment” but I think most men know NOT to take those girls home. But then again, maybe I am a prude and a bit old fashion. Let me catch up and read what the other readers think.
The Champ did put an interesting spin on it. I was about to go off on the double standards because I am so tired of hearing how it’s okay for a guy to be with all these women, but a women who’s with X amount of guys is labeled a ho, slut, etc. It’s ridiculous to me and something that a man obviously came up with.
Then, the 2nd part through me for a loop because that double standard is true. I’m sure a lot of men would not have a problem with a woman hooking up a woman but the vice-versa would have a lot of women running. I don’t buy the drunk excuse either. I can usually beat guys when it comes to shots and drinks, but I’ve never ever had any thoughts towards other females. Drinking just lowers your inhibitions, but doesn’t make you do anything that you didn’t want to do.
Nah, I don’t buy that “I was drunk” excuse any more than I buy the “i was raped as a child, so that’s why i mess with dudes” excuse i’ve heard from some guys, and as dramatized by E. Lynn Harris, Donnie McClurkin, etc. That’s absolute bs. If you switch sides, so to speak, it was because you wanted to, it was already there, so on and so forth. It just took something to trigger it…
“Then, you through that whole homo spin on it and I instantly became speechless. ”
hopefully this is the last time someone makes a reference to me putting a “homo spin” on something.
and ummm…
“I am sure I would get placed in the “freak” category versus the “wifey” category”
…really, for most guys, the main “wifey” qualification is to be an attractive and loyal freak, so knowing the freak is there is a great thing as long as he can trust you
@Champ. I don’t believe you. I doubt men are making hoes house wifes these days… JS
Well this is where you have to recognize the difference between a hoe and a freak. A hoe will do anything to anybody, a freak will do anything to her man. See the difference? So yes, all good wifeys have a fair amount of freak in them.
“Well this is where you have to recognize the difference between a hoe and a freak. A hoe will do anything to anybody, a freak will do anything to her man. See the difference? So yes, all good wifeys have a fair amount of freak in them.”
**jesus christ superstar**
I have a question for you.
I understand the point made and agree with the statement, but how do you tell/when do you know the difference …….. from a man’s perspective?
At what point is a woman labeled a hoe vs. a freak that you might like to wife?
Doesn’t she have to display her freakish behavior before you decide to wife her?
If she does display this behavior, doesn’t she risk being labeled a ho?
And, if she doesn’t display this behavior, then does she miss out on the opportunity to become a wifey?
Enlighten the women.
(Actually, I think this would make a great blog post.)
*Holy harlem shake*
You betta say that, Buck…I swear the women who DON’T know the difference make it harder for those of us that DO…
I agree with Champ and Buck. If you seem to have non-threatening freakish tendencies (ie, a guy would much rather a girl confess to messing with another girl than having a threesome with two dudes) and, through whatever criteria a man uses, he deems you trustworthy, he’d be happy and excited to deal with a woman who he felt liked sex and wouldn’t be all ‘don’t touch me’ 6 months after the wedding. From what i’ve heard, that is one of guy’s greatest fears.
“hopefully this is the last time someone makes a reference to me putting a “homo spin” on something.”
Champ, you almost got me kicked out of the computer lab @ school for laughing too hard. *breathe, breathe*
would it matter if you were the carpet muncher or the one who’s carpet was being munched on?? which one would make you gay??
would it matter if you were the guy giving head to another guy or the guy getting head from another guy?? which one would make you gay…or the gayest (because both seems gay to me)??
like the diddy thing: is head just head, no matter who gives it to you??
Above in the comments the statement was made that men tend to leave their women after being raped. I wonder if it is the same case for men who are raped (by men), as this would be g@y s3x too. Would it make him less of a man because he allowed it to happen, as he wasn’t “man of enough” to defend his manhood?
The way I see it when a man has an “event” with another man, well, I just see him as being dirty, defiled even. Maybe that’s how a man sees a woman who’s been with men other than himself. Even if you’re in a wetsuit, do you really want to swim in murky water?
ok..so i can’t even fathom any of my friends who might sit down and watch “change of hearts” (except for the episode with “The Game”, now that was funny!!) nor could i fathom any of them wanting to see two naked guys on top of each other getting their rocks off!!!! i couldn’t even participate in a 3-some because it wasn’t with 2 women!! i don’t want to see another man while enjoying the body of a woman!! nor would i want some guy staring at me while i’m plundering the treasure box!! i wouldn’t know if he was looking at me or her!! if he reaches for one thing and touches something else, how would i know if he enjoyed it or not, if it were truly a mistake or not??
i have had my share of the bisexual women/lesbians and i’m actually over it!!! if that is what you are into, then by all means go out and get yours!! and if you are a guy doing your thing with another guy, go out and get yours!! that means i get to partake in the women you will be giving up!! now i do believe in honesty and frankness in all aspects of dating and sexual relationships, whether it is about your preferences, deviances, etc.!! does it bother me that she has been with 10 or 110?? not really!! does it bother me that an experimentation with another woman was somewhere between43 and 65?? not at all!! does it bother me that between 85 and 110 that there were 17 times you were unprotected?? HELL the F*CK YEAH!! i’m just looking out for my health and well being!!! i’m not even thinking that you are “dirty” or a “skank”!! it isn’t about you anymore, it’s about me!! in the same regards, whether it be 5 or 64783 women i have slept with, it really shouldn’t matter!! i can count on one hand, using less than 5 fingers, all the women i was unprotected with!! one was a late fiancee (who was a virgin), the other was another fiancee and the last was my ex from tx, but we shared our histories with each other before we took it to that level and after 2 times, we went back to the condoms because of the fact that we realized we didn’t want kids!!
i can’t say what happens in prisons (rape victims, willing participants, whatever) because i haven’t been to prison and don’t know too many who have and would admit to being in a prison relationship!! i can only say that my a$$ has an exit only sign on it!! and either way you go, you find yourself in a sh!ty situation!!
I actually take issue with the whole premise of this piece. I think there’s value in showing how gendering behavior has “perceived” advantages for one gender over the other. but the assumption that adding them all up levels the playing field for everyone is a gross oversimplification of how relative “perceived” advantages actually are. Further, you can’t add them up and get equal if the foundation of gender is one of power. That one gender is less than the other. With that construct, no multiplicity of little gender advantages gets women anything resembling equality with men. In fact, the point of sexism and gender confict — or any power construct — is to get the disenfranchised to THINK they derive power from a lack of it. That because women by into a false notion of masculinity disadvantages men (pointedly – “unmasculine” men) that alleviates the much larger advantage ALL men get from having a Y chromosome. This is patently false and to suggest otherwise is irresponsible and mean-spirited. It’s like saying we benefit as black peole from the assumption that we all have rhythm, have “soul’, and everyone onthe planet thinks we’re “cool.” Those “benefits” get us nothing as a people. Women parroting sexist ideas of masculinity gets them nothing as a gender.