not that theres anything wrong with any of this, pt. 2

as you all know, we’re big on fan appreciation and involvement here at vsb.com. you all are the wind beneath our wings and sh*t. because of this, we have no problems with you all suggesting blog topics, as evidenced by this paraphrased convo from thursday evening

ms jones (aka “the **** taster”): what about people of the opposite sex that dont know they swing for the other team?

the champ: hmmmm

ms jones: can you run with that? and please don;t give me a nickname that sounds suspect, like “butcher”, or “roughneck”, or “toungetwister”.

the champ: sure. no problem. trust me.

so, taking the taster’s suggestion, here are a few signs that you might be gay (not that theres anything wrong with that), but you just haven’t realized it yet

***btw: “m” means applicable for men, “w” means women, and “b” applies for both genders***

…(m) your clothes match when you work out

….(w) you sobbed uncontrollably when snoop got got on “the wire”

…(m) you’re over 13, and you celebrate every birthday like it was a quitillian

….(m) inspired by chad johnson, you’ve decided to legally change your name to “testicle inmymouth**phonetically pronounced: tas-tic-kol, n-mi-muth**

….(b) you rollerblade. if there’s any frequent rollerbladers reading this right now, sorry. me being sorry doesn’t mean that you’re not gay though

….(b) you look exactly like al gore

….(m) you have your own name tattooed on your body. doesn’t matter where, as long as it’s there

….(B) you ride a moutain bike to work. (okay. this might not make you gay, but it does make you an a**hole)

….(w) you met the champ at a nightclub, and didnt give him your panties phone number

I’m sure i’m missing a few. what else would you suggest?

***editor note***

please remember that this is facetious fun friday. before you get offended, please note that the champ’s tongue is firmly implanted in his cheek. even though that sentence sounded quite awkward, you get the idea.

***end of editors note***

—the champ

521 thoughts on “not that theres anything wrong with any of this, pt. 2

  1. A woman may be gay if she owns the following things:

    * Birkenstocks. You know, the joints that cost $60 for absolutely NO reason..
    *A flannel button-up
    * Tied dyed shirt

    Well, damn. I just described the wardrobe of a hippie white chick. Hmm…

    • I’ve always naturally knew how to rollerblade. But I’m about as far from being homo/bisexual as can be.

      Roller*skate*? Ice *skate*? I definitely see where cases can be made in those instances. Rollerblading not so much (used to be into some X games sports which also included snowboarding and BMX’in).

      I guess you can also put for men, if you play tennis for recreation, willfully watch HGTV, or it takes you more than 20 minutes to decide on an outfit to where to any social event.

      • holy crap! how did i miss those signs?!?! i mean, he’s out now…but i didnt know for like 8 years. a sista just wasnt paying attention.

        and i dont think rollerskating should toss you in the gay category

      • I roller skate. In fact, I keep roller skates in my trunk. I know some guys that skate and aren’t gay. In some places, roller skating is cool for dudes…granted most of them are teenagers, but still. Didn’t you see ATL? lol

      • I dunno about the tennis thing. I saw like 6 indian guys playing tennis like it was an extreme sport. However if you pout at any time, especially during sports games, or if you get offended by trash talking by your teammates. I’m gonna go ahead and call it.

        • Thats why I put tennis for recreation. I play tennis, took lessons for about 9 years and played competitively. I feel like with regard to any sport, 2nd place is the 1st loser, and past a certain age, if you still only play purely for the fun of the game (and don’t care about winning… even in the slightest), somethings a lil suspect.

          This coming from a man who wants to raise his hopefully-future sons like how Leonidas by the Spartans was. lol

          and naw, i never saw ATL. lol

    • I had some skates, but never rollerblades.
      They were white w/purple wheels, couldn’t tell me I wasn’t the junk.

      • I did the old school skates too. White w/yellow wheels AND yellow pom-poms. Yeah, I was THE flyest of the fly @ Crystal Skate back in the day.

        • Aww, Crystal Skate. The jr high school memories. You know they reopened it and there are no bullets flying this time.

          • Awww…shucks! I may have to search Mother n’ Daddy’s basement and see if I can find my skates and make a comeback!

            Psssh. Who the he.ll do I think I’m kiddin’? I’m gonna rev up the MommyMobile, take my kids to skate and sit on the sidelines, wishing I was listening to BBD instead of *insert the new hotness here*.

            • haha! you have my initials.For a second I was scared that i had some sort of schizophrenic split and started posting under a different name.

  2. (m) Bothered by the fact that your silver belt buckle clashes with the gold jewelry you are wearing, you go to a department store on your lunch hour to buy a belt with a gold buckle.

    (m) You are upset that the $300 brief case you received for Christmas was not made by Coach.

    • “(m) Bothered by the fact that your silver belt buckle clashes with the gold jewelry you are wearing, you go to a department store on your lunch hour to buy a belt with a gold buckle”

      oh my damn! you ALMOST cost me a keyboard cuz you KNOW the kid is eating lunch while reading this here…

      BWAHAHAHA

  3. First.. why does having your own name tattoed on your body make you gay?

    LOL
    Okay
    m-if you chew gum and pop it like firecrackers on the sid of your mouth
    m-if you wear manpri’s.. I dont care how you accessorize or how many polo shirts you wear with them…..
    m-m- if you unbutton more than the first two buttons on your button down shirt
    m-if you dont like gay men because they are always trying to hit on you
    w-if you own a strap on
    w-if you play and are really good at basketball
    w-if you didnt wear lipstick or a dress till your senior prom
    w-if you are over 18 and do not own at least 3 pair of heels
    w-if you are over the age of 18 and cannot apply basic makeup or walk in heels

      • Naw I meant basketball.. maybe its just me.. but most of the chicks in my highschool and college were pro fur…..the ones that werent also happened to be bench riders …..

        • “the ones that werent also happened to be bench riders”

          Damn. Thats why my ass groove was on the bench. I wasn’t butch enuff. *Sigh* I coulda BEEN somebody! Maybe I should worn flannel to practice one day.

            • “flannel can be sexy”

              Remember you said this the next time a woman comes to bed in a red, ankle length flannel nightgown covered in snow men.

              • I used to own a pair of pink flannel pjs covered in cows with the feet in them. I wore them in college. Many dudes told me they were sexy.

                Ok, actually no dudes told me they were sexy and I only wore them when I was sick.

              • “I used to own a pair of pink flannel pjs covered in cows with the feet in them. I wore them in college. Many dudes told me they were sexy. ”

                actually I predict (write this down) 2012 fall collections are going to have wearbable sleepwear with the plastic feet. And a butt trap to easily access the toilet.

              • “actually I predict (write this down) 2012 fall collections are going to have wearbable sleepwear with the plastic feet. And a butt trap to easily access the toilet.

                eww and sh*t

              • I just want to clarify…I did not have a butt trap. I don’t think I could use a butt trap.

                They might make a comeback but now you have reminded me how difficult it was to unbutton everything and get out of it to go potty…

              • LMAO

                “I just want to clarify…I did not have a butt trap”

                that actually would make a good tshirt.

                **still laughin’ **

      • Luvvie, I don’t know how many times I have to tell you about this, but:

        you + basketball – more people = A DAMN LIE.

        Nobody, including me, remembers you playing for any team, ‘cept maybe a Rice Devouring Championship or the Timberland Collecters Club.

        • “Luvvie, I don’t know how many times I have to tell you about this, but:

          you + basketball – more people = A DAMN LIE.

          Nobody, including me, remembers you playing for any team, ‘cept maybe a Rice Devouring Championship or the Timberland Collecters Club.”

          this might be the funniest comment ive ever read. my eyes are seriously watering right now.

        • Kindred, I EFFIN HATE U!! U saw the pic of me in my Bball uniform that was in the yearbook. That ain’t mo’ people???

          U SUCK!!

          And YES, I will KILL some rice.

    • “First.. why does having your own name tattoed on your body make you gay?”

      i want you to do an informal poll of guys who have their own name’s tatted on them, and return with the results

    • Well hot damn….. I ain’t gay but I only have two pairs or heels…. one black and one brown…. do cler hooker heels count?!?!?! I swear I dont wear them….. often

    • “w-if you are over 18 and do not own at least 3 pair of heels
      w-if you are over the age of 18 and cannot apply basic makeup or walk in heels”

      Ok, now I’m slightly offended here ;)

      I can do some serious makeup, but I can take out myself, my date, and 3 bystanders with 6 steps in heels. Ive tried, I practice all the time, but I’m deadly in shoes.

      But before y’all start, I love men like a fat kid loves cake. :)

      • can do some serious makeup, but I can take out myself, my date, and 3 bystanders with 6 steps in heels. Ive tried, I practice all the time, but I’m deadly in shoes.

        thats why there is an “and”.. not an either/or in that statement..must have both to qualify..so you good

      • see a lot of these things are like the joker products from the first movie with michael keaton.. alone you straight but a combination of two or more is deadly!!!! LMAO

    • “w-if you are over the age of 18 and cannot apply basic makeup or walk in heels”

      but i can rock the sh*t out of some lipgloss and eyeliner…and i walk better in flats. i look like mrs. wiggins on the carol burnett show when i walk in heels (a$$ up forward lean-no bueno)…better to just have me sit down or stand in place if you want me to wear heels. i blame it on all girl schools during adolescence…lol.

  4. If you’re a man, you may be un-hetero if:

    *Your lip game is CRISCO proper. Just shiny…

    *You have more than 2 pink shirts (not sure which is worse. Baby Pink or NEON pink)

    *You always date women that look like Wesley Snipes

    *You wear an S-Curl in 2008 and you serious

    *You own an album from Diana Ross or Cher

    *Your name is John Legend (with them tiny schmedium vests), Ne-Yo (and his TANG game proper) or Donnie McClurkin (just STOP. You need more people. An army the size of Japan’s worth of people), GAl Reynolds (Star was NOT a good beard).

    • “(M) You shave your balls/legs/chest hair. Totally gay.”

      Some men NEED to shave their chest hair. i.e. Anthony Hamilton. Dude’s taco meat looks like it may harbor weapons of mass dandruff and diseases. No sah! Not me, man.

    • Sometimes shaving your balls in a courtesy. Just like a man appreciates a clean workspace, so do I. I must say, shaven balls…not always gay. Coupled with shaved legs, clean chest=gay.

      • Sometimes shaving your balls in a courtesy. Just like a man appreciates a clean workspace, so do I. I must say, shaven balls…not always gay. Coupled with shaved legs, clean chest=gay.

        totally agree. with this..

        • “Shaved balls – not bald but trimmed low – are okay with me. Makes my ‘job’ easier.”

          Yeah b/c choking on unkempt hair and flyaways is NOT that business!

              • I’d like to give a shout out right here to my girl Maria @ The Last Tangle Salon in downtown DC! She is THE Official Coochie Waxer Extraordinaire. Ladies in the area, go holla @ her. She does manscaping too, so fellas…don’t be shy.

              • “I’d like to give a shout out right here to my girl Maria @ The Last Tangle Salon in downtown DC! She is THE Official Coochie Waxer Extraordinaire. Ladies in the area, go holla @ her. She does manscaping too, so fellas…don’t be shy.”

                can she do designs. I’m tryna trick out my brazilian. like a landing strip with a little airplane (propellers, windows, little people in the seats waving).

                do you think she can do it??

    • Hold up, by shaving down there, I become more aerodynamic and increase my stroking power by at least 5%.
      How is it gay to be more determined to blow the lady’s back out?

      • OMG I’m so glad this isn’t an official GAY trait cause dude I’m seeing now seriously needs to do some business to his bobos it looks like the Amazon down there….ugggghhhh!

    • this is where i have to disagree. i think men should shave down there. we (the ladies) don’t want to navigate through a bush anymore then the fellas do, plus it increases sensitivity during s*x (which is always a plus) a trim never hurt nobody or their masculinity.
      truth be told i don’t mind a full fledged clipper shave…it kind of makes tea time more fun. just my opinion.

  5. See. Nu-uh:

    ….(w) you sobbed uncontrollably when snoop got got on “the wire”

    I happen to LOVE snoop from the wire and i was sad she got got. I cried when she got got but I did a lot of crying during that episode. THIS DOES NOT MAKE ME GAY. Silly? yes. But just because I dig a lesbian actress/person doesn’t make me gay. Maybe I respect the writing and the acting.

    Ugh!

    • Is it ok that I’m afraid to say ANYTHING bad bout Snoop b/c Im afraid she (or some goons of hers) will track me down and make me their slave?? You see them CORNROWS?? They already JAIL FRESH!

        • “lol. i think she’s locked up right now for doing something illegal. So you might be safe in the streets lolol.”

          HE SAID MY NAME IN THE STREETS??? MY NAME IS MY NAME!!!!

          sorry. i have random marlo stansfield flashbacks at least twice a week.

          i miss “the wire”

      • “Is it ok that I’m afraid to say ANYTHING bad bout Snoop b/c Im afraid she (or some goons of hers) will track me down and make me their slave?? You see them CORNROWS?? They already JAIL FRESH!”

        I understand. A lesbian – with cornrows and a grill!! – once hit on me in a bar by whispering in my ear. I was so afraid that I’d be in a relationship with her cuz I didn’t think I could fight her off. My girl just turned and walked away. lol.

        • Who does the cornrows in jail? Anybody know??

          the inmates in both the men and the women’s facility and yes a grown man with braids in jail means that he is sitting between some dude’s legs to get braided….

  6. (w) Your sexiest outfit is a full ankle length skirt, a denim button up and a ballerina flats. You are not dressing for comfort, you are a lesbian.

    (w) You don’t like men complimenting you (it’s sexist) or looking at you as you walk down the street (it’s rude). You are not a feminist, you are a lesbian.

    (m) You have a vast collection of tranny r@pe p0rn.

    (m) You spend hours buying your girlfriend an outfit – khaki shorts, a white tank, black sandals and a black Coach bag. You become enraged and do not speak to her for two days after she says she’d rather die than wear that bland outfit. :)

    • (w) Your sexiest outfit is a full ankle length skirt, a denim button up and a ballerina flats. You are not dressing for comfort, you are a lesbian.

      Lemme guess.. you played basketball with this chick? Did she also wear wet n wild red or fuchsia lipstick? this is also a sign for the ladies…..

      • “Did she also wear wet n wild red or fuchsia lipstick? this is also a sign for the ladies…..”

        Can’t that just mean she’s tacky? lol.

        • Did she also wear wet n wild red or fuchsia lipstick? this is also a sign for the ladies…..”

          Can’t that just mean she’s tacky? lol.

          naw cause if she just tacky she will also use that same lipstick on her cheeks and eyelids and usually there is a heavy black liner around her lips and maybe some gold lipstick in the center.. the lesbian will just put it on the lips with no moisturizer.. lips just red and cracking..likc she drank to much kool aid and ran two miles…..

    • “(w) You don’t like men complimenting you (it’s sexist) or looking at you as you walk down the street (it’s rude). You are not a feminist, you are a lesbian.”

      ok this is me sometimes…..what to do???

      ***calling my whole family at 6:49 am***

      “umm…i MIGHT be gay family, please don’t break out any village people songs, drag races, bravo tv marathons, colorful flags…yet.

      • “(w) You don’t like men complimenting you (it’s sexist) or looking at you as you walk down the street (it’s rude). You are not a feminist, you are a lesbian.”

        this made me laugh aloud for at least 12 seconds.

      • “what the hell is tranny r0pe pron?”

        Porn where “trannies” – dudes with boobs, long hair and make-up – are suprised and raped by “straight” men. I was dating a guy and after a coupla months he put that ish on. I was like “oh no”. Then I saw he had SEVERAL variations on that one movie. I was out.

    • Sorry Liz…you know we can get a bit random with the late night chatting…it all started with a story of a friend that needs to be set free (think the Freedom song from Sarafina, he’s been known to sing it on occasion)…yes girl, that free. :-)

        • Wow i knew Sarafina was big, but i never knew it was that big ( iwas five years old when that came out…no I’m not thaaaaat young, you’re just thaaaat old Gaaaaad Daaaamnit), I really never thought Sarafina was that Big abroad….wait….wait…oh sheeet Whoopi Goldberg is not a South African!!!…sheet you could’ve fooled me, that girl is as dark as hell with them reefer smoking lips to match, sheeet she reminds me of my cousin and his a badass motherfugger.

        • FREEDOM is comin, 2moro!” LOVE that song!
          me too..I have the soundtrack
          which brings me to another one
          m- if you know all the words to music from the following musicals
          rent
          A chorus line
          fast forward
          Sister act 1
          or if you know the dance moves and song from Sister Act 2

          • “if you know all the words to music from the following musicals
            rent
            A chorus line
            fast forward
            Sister act 1
            or if you know the dance moves and song from Sister Act 2″

            what about “jesus christ superstar”? i’m not saying that i know each of the lyrics, as well as the slight variations between the screen and play versions, but, in a purely hypothetical sense, if i did happen to know all of this by heart, would i qualify?

            • JC Superstar is the shiznit- I have it on VHS and I DO know all of the songs- plus at least one of the dances… and I don’t know why pink shirts make a man suspect- I love men in pink :)

          • i know all the songs from “the sound of music”. my little sister watched that joint at least twice a week when she was little. i also know all the songs from Aladdin.

            Aladdin was my sh*t.

            • Jesus Christ superstar…. are you a fantical christian and therefore love hoard and collect all things christian..if not you dont get a pass.. plus you already own 2 pink dress shirts… I aint sayin but I’m sayin……
              Uh the sound of music is so so but since it has a war theme you can get a pass….
              The disney joints dont count unless its Bambi…

              • “Jesus Christ superstar…. are you a fantical christian and therefore love hoard and collect all things christian”

                i’m not, i just really enjoy the flick and sh*t. its probably tied with “dogma” as my favorite religion themed movie

            • “i know all the songs from “the sound of music”. my little sister watched that joint at least twice a week when she was little. i also know all the songs from Aladdin.”

              P-Money, I heart u! “Sound of Music” is my ISH and I even have the songs on my MP3 player. And Aladdin, is classic. One of the best disney soundtracks. You aight w/ me, P.

            • awww, Peej! that is fantastic! i love The Sound of Music and Aladdin!!! i dont know if it makes you gay, but we are so cool! and if you are gay, i wouldnt mind being your fruit fly!

    • I am with Liz, I think I officially hate this post, so I will get my wet blanket on, EARLY….. I think any man or woman who on a daily overanalyzes what makes someone gay or constantly have to be reassured of their ‘no homo’ status is pretty dang on gay and just don’t know it. Overcompensation and homophobic behavior are usual tell-tale signs….

    • (from the lizzard)
      “I think I hate this post, by the way.

      And no, I am not gay.”

      (from naturally alize)
      “I am with Liz, I think I officially hate this post, so I will get my wet blanket on, EARLY….. I think any man or woman who on a daily overanalyzes what makes someone gay or constantly have to be reassured of their ‘no homo’ status is pretty dang on gay and just don’t know it. Overcompensation and homophobic behavior are usual tell-tale signs….”

      its fun friday in the sun, for chrissakes. stop being lemonsuckers.

  7. How you going to just come at my throat like that son?

    I bike to work because I live downtown and its 15 blocks away (who is walking that sh*t?)

    My crosstrainers are gray/blue/white, its not my fault that the Under Armor in my size at the store was the same tone of blue.

    And finally you damn right I celebrate my birthday. Ni**a I’m special!

        • dorian and luvvie, we need to get together and have ourselves a party with 2face, d’banj, all those mo’hits mofuggers and plenty of palm wine/ogogoro

            • P-Square, P square Yeah!!!!!!! Those guys are officially African Superstars, they were in Nairobi last week and the madness and panties that they got!! Totally out of this world. Hell they even upstaged Akon in Uganda.He was in a state of shock ;-) We just love them sweeties……

    • (m) if your nickname/internet pseudonym ends with a “G”, cummon now you aint foolin us, we all know that ‘G’ don’t stand for gangsta

      hahahahahaha, sorry man had to take advantae of that.

    • you know how i know you’re gay?

      how?

      because you used “tone of blue” in a sentence.

      sorry. as the biggest “40 year old virgin” fan on the planet, i couldn’t pass that opportunity up. please forgive me and sh*t

  8. b- if asked about your sexuality you have ever used the following phrases “its not that simple” sexuality,is organic and or fluid” “I like who I like” or I cant be defined by labels/boxes/categories”

  9. m- if you and your girl still dress in matching outfits, coordinating colors or wear t-shirts with 2+hearts+2 gether= 4 ever or each other’s names printed on them
    -m if you wear flip flops or any type of shoe that has your heel out
    m- if your eyebrows are arched…
    w-if your idea of perfume is shower to shower/baby powder

    • “m if you wear flip flops or any type of shoe that has your heel out”

      So a straight man would prefer to have his feet sweat in 90 degree heat?

      • “m if you wear flip flops or any type of shoe that has your heel out”

        Yea what are brothas sposed 2 do when they on vacay? And besides, men who wear flip flops all the time are called YT.

        • Yea what are brothas sposed 2 do when they on vacay? And besides, men who wear flip flops all the time are called YT.

          vacation or not I aint feeling ninjas in thong style flip flops.. a man thats comfortable with something between his toes bothers me.. but I will let that pass while on vacation but there is never an excuse for a man mule or sling back unless the excuse is that you are gay as H.e.ll

          • you know i hadnt thought about that toe thing and now it bothers me too! way to go!

            ive never thought about a man in flipflops being gay, i do think a man in flipflops is saying very clearly that if somethin jump off in these streets, you are on your own cuz i aint chasin sh*t!

            • “if somethin jump off in these streets, you are on your own cuz i aint chasin sh*t!”

              Yes. A guy in flip flops is not prepared to go into battle should the need arise.

          • vacation or not I aint feeling ninjas in thong style flip flops.. a man thats comfortable with something between his toes bothers me.. but I will let that pass while on vacation but there is never an excuse for a man mule or sling back unless the excuse is that you are gay as H.e.ll

            OMG…co-sign! I was just saying this the other day.

        • Flip flops in public and you not in Miami or Hawaii means you gay
          Thanks for clarifying Dorian!!
          and what is a mandal if not a flip flop or a shoe that has the heel out?

          • I forgot to make a crucial edit, this only applies to North American ni**as and black men who are assimilated with the culture. Africans/YT’s/Europeans/Asians/Mexicans are exempt.

            A good rule of thumb, if anything goes down are you wearing shoes that would give someone probable cause you step to you first? If so go head and change them shoes fam.

          • a mandal is just wrong. lol.
            If a dude is a nike flip flop or a shower shoe running an errand, I give him a pass cuz these can be bought without much thought.
            Mandals require time to (a) search for and (b) decide which style of mandal you want to buy, i.e. two or three bands across the foot?, etc.

            • nike flip flop or a shower shoe
              see I dont consider those flip flops.. I was really only talking about them thong style joints. I consider these country but not g.a.y

            • See the nike flip flop or the “shower jordans” are acceptable only if you are within 2 block radius from your front porch, and if you are wearing socks. Also you cannot crack a smile or generally look amicable at all while wearing these.

        • “hell yeah, i rock my Tims to the beach son.”

          I hope ur moth ball and baby powder game is tight. Can’t imgaine the stench from THEM shoes after a day at the beach.

          • “I hope ur moth ball and baby powder game is tight.”

            i can honestly say that this here is a game i never knew existed! i cant wait to find someone i can ask about their mothball and baby powder game….

      • Well most of the US oustide on NYC and Philly (Boston too) drives EVERYWHERE, the place of destination is usually AC’d out so just how does 90 degrees afftect your feet when more or less you are ina climate controlled setting? At this point in society when manipulate so much of our clothing to our desire not the weather (when in cold weather cities we have all seen the Baby Phat “winter” jackets that dont cover much flesh…gotta show off a phatty even whenmis 25 degrees baby!!!) being reasonable I cant see a guy (with a ride in a city where you HAVE to drive) wearing fips past his driveway as a must have cuz its so hot. Doesnt make you gay but you aint wearing it for the weather.

      • I am against mandals at all costs. You can wear some basic leather flip flops ONLY if we are on a beach outside of the USA. Otherwise you can only wear some type of sports flip flops.

        Mandals with straps and woven leather are a negative for men. Little boys get a pass because I don’t think they have an option.

  10. “m- if you and your girl still dress in matching outfits, coordinating colors or wear t-shirts with 2+hearts+2 gether= 4 ever or each other’s names printed on them”

    You either gay, 12, from the westside, or Puerto Rican.

    • dominicans seem to do this as well.

      sidenote: i remember one of my dominican homegirls in college trying to explain the animus between dominicans and puerto ricans to me, even remarking that ricans refer to dominicans as “dumb in a can”, and this seemed to upset her very much.

      i offered to make her a waffle to cheer her up, but she didnt want the waffle. just the wang.

      • “i offered to make her a waffle to cheer her up, but she didnt want the waffle. just the wang.”

        LMAO!

        You owe me a(nother) coffee and a keyboard

      • to your sidenote:

        some people here round these parts refer to Domincans as (Dirty Rice). There is a lot of animosity between many Latinos based on where they hail from not just DR/PR and names that go in line with that

    • So, it’s like that on a Friday morning, huh, hoe?! I PACIFICALLY tole you NOT to mention the Westside, and this how you play me?! We gon engage in fisticuffs before the day is over – CHALLONJ!

      • I PACIFICALLY tole you NOT to mention the Westside

        LMAO… I hate that with a passion… everytime I hear some one say that I want to scream and beat them to death

        • i just choked on my tic tac @ “pacifically tole you…” i luv you guys…you keep me crackin’ up over here.

          speaking of westside…can we get vsb to extend into the 5 o’clock hour for us west coast commenters. i hate talking to myself at 2:40 in the afternoon. it’s lonely and sh*t… liz? bueller?

  11. m – you own/wear man-dals, he-capris, a murse or an ID bracelet.

    w – you are over 16 and stood in line to get the latest Playstation, Xbox or any other video game.

    w – you don’t own one pair of thong/g-string panties.

    • i think crocs are just terrible period. they supersede all categorization that doesnt’ end in “the most terrible foot things ever”

      i hate crocs with the passion of mel gibson.

    • can crocs please go back to being professional shoes. I only wear mine if i’m going to be on my feet all day. That does not include sight seeing or walking in the city for any reason. Also they were good when i went rafting and they told me to bring water shoes. and if you still own a pair of those, male or female, you’re gay

        • Thats what i’m saying. actually i walk to the hospital so i can wear them en route from house to hosp if i’m late.

  12. m-if you wear shorts that stop above the knee
    m-if you own any type of mesh or see through clothing
    m-if the little slit at the bottom of all your polo’s hit at the belly button and the sleeve stops right below your shoulder blade so that when you raise your arms you fear bussing out at the sleeves or somebody poking your belly button like the pillsbury dough man…

    • “if you own any type of mesh or see through clothing”

      I think we need to consider the Jamaican factor. I swear the boys are given that mesh jersey tank as a right of passage.

      • I think we need to consider the Jamaican factor. I swear the boys are given that mesh jersey tank as a right of passage.

        ***disclaimer.. going forward all of the posts on this topic by Shay-d-lady refer to Sothern North American Ninja’s***
        I am an expert on this species…LMAO

    • “m-if you own any type of mesh or see through clothing”

      Yeah men that wear ANY shirt that reveals nipplage must fill out a form w/ the Hetero Verification Council (HVC). Unless on a DARE, their app will get denied.

  13. You might be gay if:

    (m) If you and all the dudes in your crew wear super skinny jeans…(can your balls breath????)

    (m) If you own Pink Tims (with matching accessories)

    (m) You carry a man bag (usually a designer bag like Kenneth Cole or Coach)

    (m) You draw in your hair line (for that extra crisp edge)

    (m) Arch your brows (man-scaping is one thing, but you should not look like a lost member of a 90′s boy band…soooooo gay)

    *Your lip game is CRISCO proper…Just shiny…

    LMAO!!!!! Too funny!!

    -lexi

    • “(m) Arch your brows (man-scaping is one thing, but you should not look like a lost member of a 90’s boy band…soooooo gay)”

      This is once more something that could be applied to Puerto Ricans. Them men got better arches than most women. And they MACHO!

    • “(m) If you and all the dudes in your crew wear super skinny jeans”

      ahhh cummon man, don’t be like that, some of us have satorial apetites man. A big dude wearing skinny jeans is f**kin homo, but for us **cough** high-matabolism niggs wit well developed couture habits, the skinny jean is an item of endearment.

      • yeah, i’m gonna have to disagree with you there. ~ Lumberg from Office Space.

        i’m one of those high-metabolism cats and i refuse to wear skinny jeans b/c they are…wait for it…gay.

        somehow, nobody in DC got the memo since all the youngins are out rocking skinny jeans in all kinds of colors and fabric.

        got everybody around here loooking like the scene in Boyz N The Hood when Ricky got his football took.

        see the parallel? rock skinny jeans you just may get your football took.

        • PBG is officially out against skinny jeans. And why are the youngins that Panama mentioned still insisting upon saggin’w/the skinny jeans? Bunched up BabyBoyBoxers out in public are NOT the business. And it causes them to walk like penguins. I just want to whip out my Strap of Fury on each and every one of them I see on my daily travels.

          Strap of Fury=Arse Whuppin’ Belt. I’m a Mama…we all have one. Don’t be fooled.

        • Have you ever watched a south African music video that’s the couture uniform down there for skinny high metabolism guys. They so get the pass on that one. Sisanda I’m a Kwaito loving Kenyan up in here. I can work as your lawyer on this ;-)

          BTW as Champ stated this is specifically targeted at our N. American ni99as so don’t hate.
          Sisanda as your lawyer I would advise you to pull up a vid on youtube from Zola, Arthur,Boom Shaka or Mzambiya as evidence.

          Your honour I would like to present evidence from the witness… (your call Sisanda!!)

      • can we add that if you describe yourself as a
        “high-matabolism niggs wit well developed couture habits”
        you might want to go ahead and threw in them hazel contacts and some leather thong flip flops and call it a day….

    • (m) You carry a man bag (usually a designer bag like Kenneth Cole or Coach)

      I can’t stand this ish…lmao

  14. w- When you refer to the male member as “gross”, “ugly”, “unnatural looking”, “too bulky”, “not appealing”. I dunno sweet heart you might like to kiss the lips.
    m- If you enjoy watching the cunning lingo part of p_rn. This is non negotiable, no hetero dude doesn’t fast forward through that sh*t.

    With that I’m taking it down for the night. See y’all when I’m at the plantation.

      • “men wear colored contacts??????? and claim to be straight??????”

        i was thinking the same thing! like, for real? they say that ish with a straight face?!?

          • hAHA! You just reminded me of this one bredda I worked with some years ago. FIIIIIIIIIIIINE, but sosososoSO gay!
            Bwoy was TOO soft spoken
            TOO sensitive and basically TOO damn feminine to be straight.

            Sow ith is hazel contacts he look us all dead in the eye and try say he was not gay. O we questioned him! lol

            then he try come out with…Im METROSEXUAL!!!!

            WTF???

      • “men wear colored contacts??????? and claim to be straight??????”

        YES, and I know many of these foolish ijots. I just give them a MEAN side-eye and walk away

  15. a Man may be gay if his name is Prince (or THE Artist). And DAMnat! Yall can TRY but you can’t convince me that espadrille-wearing, aunt jemima scarf-tying, makeup-wearing, women’s fashion-shopping POCKET man is straight. You just CAN’T!!

    And by POCKET man, I mean I just want to put him in my pocket. He so little and cute.

    • Man may be gay if his name is Prince (or THE Artist).

      HEY Fall up off PRince he is not gay..he just cant be defined by labels or …ummm…Okay… whatever he wrote Adore… he gets a pass!

    • Luvvie, I got your back on this one girl. Something about that little plum man just does not sit well with me. Musically he is talents, but aint nothing sexy about a man in stilettos and a purple sequins scarf

      • Man f**k that, prince oozes with so much testosterone he is the Single only man in the world who can get away with that shit. Y’all know you some damn liars if Prince walked up to you and said he wanted to take you back to his castle you’d go with a quickness. And wouldn’t think twice about him double dipping. Everything he does puts him on the queerlist and he’s still bagging chics at a drop of a hat. and black women! That pocket sized imp should be studied by science. there is no reason he shouldn’t be gay but he isn’t

      • Shoot I suspect women are lesbians if they aren’t turned out by Prince a little. Only men say he’s gay and thats because they hope that if they say it enough it would be true. Cuz they know he’s the only man in the world who could take their girl in under 10 seconds, and no woman can be blamed for that. In fact who is the female equivalent for men? Is there a universally accepted maneater chic out there that you wouldn’t blame your man for sliding with if she came for him?

        • “Shoot I suspect women are lesbians if they aren’t turned out by Prince a little.”

          Are we in the era of McCarthyism??? How r u gon take my theory and turn it against me? U BLIND BLIND delusional women.

  16. m-if you try to get people to call you by a stripper name or acronym.. for instance my name is stan but people call me SLAM….sexy like a muther fugger….. Or D-nasty- etc
    m-if you have a catch phrase or saying… i.e. that’s hot, fierce, he-ll to the naw..etc
    Ri-dayum-diculous

    • for instance my name is stan but people call me “SLAM….sexy like a muther fugger….. Or D-nasty- etc
      m-if you have a catch phrase or saying… i.e. that’s hot, fierce, he-ll to the naw..etc
      Ri-dayum-diculous”

      i have a homeboy named g***, but hands out business card as “ginufine”.

      he’s not invited to any of my bbq’s anymore

        • “Ginufine???? See?? The Hetero Verification Council would throw him out of proceedings before he even spoke.”

          yeah, he’s an “exotic dancer” who got turned onto exotic dancing by his exotic dancing gf. although it sounds like the premise of basically every e. lynn harris novel, it’s true

          • yeah, he’s an “exotic dancer” who got turned onto exotic dancing by his exotic dancing gf. although it sounds like the premise of basically every e. lynn harris novel, it’s true

            none of his novels have this premise.. so your friend is even gayer than E.Lynn…..

  17. (w) – If her fade is cleaner than a man’s, and has a sagg on with boxers… and from behind you cant tell its a woman… gay!

    (m) – if a man, no matter how rough ,saggin and thuggish he looks , but has that “HEYYYYYYYYYY GURRLLLLLL!” tone of voice = gay

    (m) – if you use MAC make up to fill in your lil beard, goetee, eyebrows, mustache, etc.. – gay

    lol.

  18. (m) end every sentence or bloggg wit [no homo], it’s probably the only chance to say it out aloud without hopefuly being caught out {so homo}

    • F**k Ninjas and that argument of “Well…you know how the whole mafioso kiss each other on the cheek as a greeting ritual…that’s what me and ma boy were doing in the pic, we was sayin waddup… yep all three times”

      motherf**k you, you belong to the broken-wrist-society, you one of them ni99as that give themselves regular prostate check-ups to “search for a lump”, ni99a please!!

      ***sidenote: My white friends allways ask me why we South Africans always act like none of our ancestors might have been gay, as if being gay is a European thing, i say “Okay listen up my little rednecked cheese-topped cracker, i say there were gay men in our history, we just have bigger and more spacious closets so they can stay in there forever”****

  19. Male- Probably gay if he has a closet full of those skinny/tight jeans and a bunch of skin hugging shirts with abstract colors and designs. Or maybe that’s metrosexual?

    Female- Probably engages in regular lesbianage if she always wants to kiss other girls on the lips while intoxicated, then blames it on the booze.

    • “Female- Probably engages in regular lesbianage if she always wants to kiss other girls on the lips while intoxicated, then blames it on the booze.”

      ***take 6***

    • “Female- Probably engages in regular lesbianage if she always wants to kiss other girls on the lips while intoxicated, then blames it on the booze.”

      They always try to blame it on the drank…lol

        • Im sayin! i have been plastered and it never occurred to me that i should make out with some chick…i always question them that do it EVERY time. they have a sip of Bartles and James and all of a sudden they slobbering on some chick’s face.

    • “Female- Probably engages in regular lesbianage if she always wants to kiss other girls on the lips while intoxicated, then blames it on the booze.”

      This is 98.7% of all white college girls

    • “BOOM like an 808, Circles like a figure 8″

      There is no reason I should still remember these lyrics

      • that is brain space that you could be using in a more productive manner, however it may require an exorcism or lobotomy to have permanently removed

  20. b- if you are married and prefer to club only at gay clubs/bars
    b- if all of your friends are of the opposite sex, but you havent bagged any of them
    b- if you always make a point to point out gay people or talk about gay people on a daily basis…why are you so concerned???

    • “b- if you always make a point to point out gay people or talk about gay people on a daily basis…why are you so concerned???”

      excessive unironic homophobia is always a red flag

    • “b- if all of your friends are of the opposite sex, but you havent bagged any of them”

      So if a dude has a ton of female friends, he just needs to have sex with one of them to reclaim his hetero-ness? Nice little challenge for the male, since the female could probably bag any one of her male friends at any given moment.

  21. W – if you go to Female Strip Clubs and your not in the ATL or with your Man/husband

    M – if you go to male Strip clubs and your not dancing, djing, bartending, or security

  22. Foolishness that there are 175 comments ALREADY at 7:45 AM CST…I see I’mma have to stay up late just to get in early on the convo lol!

    • I’m saying I shouldn’t have to be reading from my phone in bed at 6am EST (especially since I should’ve gotten up an hour b4 to go running) just to catch up with all this tomfoolery… I mean its one thing that I get no work done. But no sleep AW HELL NAW!!!

  23. m – if you say “I’m a meatatarian” and your not talking about food.

    BTW – I finally got to say that line, when one of my co-workers asked me if I wanted an apple. lol

  24. m- you exhibit an extreme, over the top, unreasonable aversion to gay people.

    I’ve dated a man who wouldn’t go pick me up a bikini from a store because he was afraid someone may think he’s gay or a crossdresser *crickets* I’m convinced that this off the wall homophobia was a defense mechanism.

    • “I’ve dated a man who wouldn’t go pick me up a bikini from a store because he was afraid someone may think he’s gay or a crossdresser”

      did you keep his nuts with you, or did you allow him to take em with him to the bikini store?

  25. m – if you have to say “no homo” after every sentence.

    b – if you listen to Jim Jones and you like it

    b – if you listened and understand what lil Wayne is talking about on the Carter 3 without a translator

    • “b – if you listen to Jim Jones and you like it”

      completely no validity, but should be. and its just damn funny, yes this definately makes the list.

    • b – if you listened and understand what lil Wayne is talking about on the Carter 3 without a translator

      Oh no you didn’t. lol

      • “if the shoe fits…then get a matching purse”

        LMAO! good thing i already finished lunch cuz this keyboard woulda been roint!

        and btw, some southern folks easily understand lil weeze…

        ps – what if they say “no homo” before every sentence? does it still count? or are they being sincere?

    • - if you listened and understand what lil Wayne is talking about on the Carter 3 without a translator

      if you are a black male with any contact to urnbania and you dont understand what wayne is talking about.. you are probably g.a.y…..

      • Make that African as well we gots some love for Weezy no matter what Goody says. I know someone who has hustled tickets for his concert here never mind that they are just rumours at this poit
        *P.S . * we get concerts after at least six months of rumours, the bigger the artist the longer it takes, With Weezy we are on the first month.

  26. “….(B) you ride a moutain bike to work. (okay. this might not make you gay, but it does make you an a**hole)”

    I really dislike bike riders…They find a way to break every traffic law in the book and still manage to be in the way of my car between every intersection. Why don’t they get tickets…I just want to see one get pulled over. Yes, I’m salty.

    “….(w) you met the champ at a nightclub, and didnt give him your panties phone number”

    Ummm, I’m not sure how this made the list. lol

  27. I haven’t read the comments yet and there’s already a gang of them so forgive me if I repeat some things…

    (M) You might be gay if you preface everything with “no homo”.

    (M) You might be gay if you carry your ‘man purse’ every where you go and you feel naked without it.

    (W) You might be gay if you go to strip clubs to see naked women more than your guy friends.

    (W) You might be gay if you have no female friends.

  28. m- you tweeze your eyebrows. i didn’t say “clean”, i said “tweeze”. there is nothing wrong with cleaning the unibrow, but when a full out arch appears, there is a problem.

    m- ok, so in ny the new fad is men wearing skinny jeans… sometimes i can handle it, but when your jeans are tighter than mine… no bueno

    m- dressing up like a woman for halloween and being a little to comfy with it…

  29. 266 comments huh?
    This is what happens when I decide to come in late on a Friday…daaaang.

    According to your list, I’m good. It’s great fcukin’ day in the neighborhood. I knew that anyway…I love vitamin D.
    *Shouts out to the Seinfeld “not that there’s anything wrong with that.” :)

  30. m – if your playing any sport and you unnecessarily pat your teammates butt (like during half time, before the game, and timeouts)

    b – if you go to jail purpose

    • “W – If your shape-up/line-up is sharper than mine”

      lol…i saw this upthread as well, and i’m still envious that i didnt include it in my original list.

  31. If you’re on this site and you’re a male, you probably:

    1. Grew up w/ all white ppl and have learned about ‘blackness’ from tv and bougie blacks who imitate bougie whites.

    2. Claim to hate hip-hop videos so that you sound ‘educated’, yet get all of your hyper-masculine ideas of how a black man thinks and acts, and ‘can do’, from this very source.

    3. Are fat/out of shape.

    4. Can’t fight.

    5. Are way more lame than you realize.

    6. Are unattractive.

    7. Are screwed up as a black man who has been raised around all white ppl.

    8. Don’t even realize that blog comment sections are the highlight of your day… EVERYDAY.

    9. Are all talk.
    —————————————————————————

    If you’re a female on this site, you probably:

    -Are all of the above.

    -Are EXTREMELY overweight and/or unattractive.

    -Don’t/can’t have/get a man.

    • you know, in my less enlightened and more slap-a-b*tcha$$ days, i’d have relished the opportunity to go in on a reckless tongued individual such as yourself…but i’m older and wiser now…so i’ll just say…

      Hi Hater. Go kill yourself.

    • Well your on this site too, so what does that make you? This is just another reason why Jim Jones should be banned . . . reckless hating

    • B4Prez
      B@yahoo.com | 198.45.19.48
      Black ppl are too busy trying to be instead of just being.
      From why so serious?, 2008/09/03 at 11:41 AM

      Truth
      Abc123@yahoo.com | 198.45.19.48
      From not that theres anything wrong with any of this, pt. 2, 2008/09/05 at 12:22 PM

      hmmm….looks like someone has been spending a decent amount of time on this site as well

      ***and, in an ultimate b*tch move, changed their screenname when making a snarky comment***

      i’d tell you to kill yourself, but the kool-aid pumping through your veins will do the trick soon enough.

      i’m patient and sh*t

  32. I did a double take when my young teenage daughter said this about one her historically emotional male classmates:

    “He’s so weird, Mom. He says he pushes his tooth brush all the way to the back of his throat to he can learn how not to gag. I wonder why?”

    She also went to an all-girl sleepover party when she was 11. One of the girls there gave all of them butt massages. They all liked it. I wasn’t too concerned about them, since kids do weird shit when poorly supervised, but I think her friend will be a lesbian. Hopefully mine won’t, not that there’s anything wrong with it…

    • “He says he pushes his tooth brush all the way to the back of his throat to he can learn how not to gag”

      CTFU!

    • “She also went to an all-girl sleepover party when she was 11. One of the girls there gave all of them butt massages”

      …………………….

    • He says he pushes his tooth brush all the way to the back of his throat to he can learn how not to gag

      You know I have a guy friend who didnt know women could train their gag reflex until I told him a few days ago. His response when learning this new sexual tidbit, ‘So wait, my wife has been bull$hitting me all this time? She just doesnt like to do it, huh?’

      • You know I have a guy friend who didnt know women could train their gag reflex until I told him a few days ago. His response when learning this new sexual tidbit, ‘So wait, my wife has been bull$hitting me all this time? She just doesnt like to do it, huh?’

        LMAO….Hell I didnt know it, I was just thinking damn you mean I could have avoided the havoc and heaving I experienced on my wedding night?

    • I read that post about your daughter. I dont think it means they’ll be gay though. That little girl is prob getting um, touched, innapropriately at home though sorry to say.

      That toothbrush thing is real slick! *Taking Notes*

  33. (m) You might be gay if you and your boys only go to the communal showers with no curtains or stalls in the dead of night and go completely silent when someone walks into the bathroom…that junk isn’t kosher at all man…not at all.

    (m) You might be one of the “kids” if everytime you come home, you tell our boy what the dude on the track team told you about your junk while you were running. I don’t want to hear what he said about that ish. Keep it between you, him, and his hag.

    (m) You might be getting too much vitamin D when your are in your friend’s room, on his computer, and you start trying out random names for porn sites, and nothing like major melons, but stuff like papi c*** and sh*t.

    (m) You might be a little zesty if you have a naked ladyfolk at home in your bed, but you sit out on the front porch with your celibate boy

  34. First off, I really like the phrase “a little zesty”. I’ll be using it in the future. But here’s my list for the fellas – and yes, these are too crzy for me to just make them up:

    - you reach past the Ivory soap in the shower in favor of lilac scented bodywash
    -use your girl’s oil of olay facewash
    -admit to your girl that you were slumming with the oil of olay – you usually use $20 face wash from the rainforest.
    - When offered a hook him up with your girl’s “lawn and plant” salesman, your response is an un-sarcastic: “Faaaaaabulous!”
    -when your girl grabs your butt during the deed, poot it out at her.
    -have the neatest dreads on the planet. not one lock out of place.
    -mesmerize your girl with an intriguing scent – it will take her a while to realize that she both loves and hates it because you smell like her.

  35. I know all my God and my church people are going to give me hell for this one (literally) but here goes . . .

    m – if your job title is the following:

    Church Choir Director
    Catholic Priest

  36. (m) If you call colors flavors n’ sh!t, like pink is “cotton candy” and burgundy is “wine” or orange is “tangerine”. I can’t stand that when my divalicious BFF does it. I don’t EVAH want to hear a dude say that mess.

    Although, I do call my green and yellow kitchen “Cabbage n’ Sunshine” cuz that’s what the paint cans said. I think it funny! LOL!

  37. “If you call colors flavors n’ sh!t, like pink is “cotton candy” and burgundy is “wine” or orange is “tangerine”. I can’t stand that when my divalicious BFF does it. I don’t EVAH want to hear a dude say that mess. ”

    You must not listen to alot of rap music then. With lyrics like “Peanut Butter Ice cream, Peter Pan seats” you’d probably think alot of rapper are light in the toes.

  38. (m) — if all of your anthems and/or favorite songs are about women who are angry at men or discussing how fine they are (i.e bootylicious, irreplaceable, etc…)

  39. Pingback: Cycling is a habit: Churchill Classic

  40. (m) saying “tongue in cheek” and demonstrating it as you say it…you know what that looks like right? something else in yo cheek…LOL…you said it was Facetious Fun Friday…I was just falling in line ;)

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