Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Pop Culture, Theory & Essay

No Pre-Nupt? No Problem

The NBA: Where putting a million-dollar ring on it to postpone something that's going to happen in seven years anyway, happens.

“30 years ago, everyone at this table would have either been married with kids or thought to be thoroughly f*cked up or gay if they weren’t married with kids yet.”

A friend of mine made this point after observing the demographics — 12 people, all between 27 and 34, all with decent incomes, and none of us had children or had been married — of the get-together we happened to be at. While her assertion may have been a tad off (I’d say those things were true 50 years ago instead of 30), her point — that more and more of us are waiting longer to start families (if deciding to start them at all)is definitely true. A quick glance at Google, the evening news, or the VSB archives confirms it, as study after study has shown that this phenomenon is actually affecting everyone (yes. even white people) 

But while this trend is generally thought to be a bad thing, I don’t share that sentiment. Sure, perhaps the more successful of us could reproduce a bit more to balance out the collective spawns of Jethro and Hen-Rockeisha stealing Duracells and beef jerky from rest stop gas stations, but there are already 7 billion gotdamn people on the planet. I doubt the world is going to come to an end if one or one thousand master degreed motherf*ckers decide to opt out of having children.

Also — and this is a point we always seem to forget — out of the people you know who are currently engaged/married, how many of those relationships would you actually categorize as “good?” Seriously, I bet if each of us were to think of 10 couples currently in serious relationships (and “serious” is defined as “been together for at least a year”) and were asked to make bets on how long each relationship was going to last, we’d give at least 6 of them “a year, tops“….and we’d be right. That’s not even counting the horrifically mismatched motherf*ckers who’ve stayed a couple because they’re scared to break up with each other.

You can make the argument that we’re reading the stats the wrong way. Too many people are in relationships/married that clearly have no business being together, and more and more of us are starting to realize this to be true. Perhaps we’re actually trending upward.

Anyway, I’m sure you’ve all heard that everyone’s favorite least favorite athlete is breaking up with his wife. Apparently, she just became fed up with the fact that he couldn’t keep in his pants. ***Insert joke about Mexican women, black mambas, and underbites.***

Now, an uber-popular professional athlete repeatedly cheating on his wife is about as dog bites man-ey as a news story gets. But, the part of this situation that seems to have the most people taking is the fact that Kobe did not have a pre-nuptial agreement in place. His wife will receive half of his net worth — which is reported to be roughly 150 million dollars — and may be able to receive spousal support for the next 450 or so years.

Whether the former Mrs. Bryant actually deserves that money has been argued and debated ad nauseum, but the general sentiment about Kobe not asking her to sign a pre-nupt can be summed up in nine words: “He’s a gotdamn f*cking idiot…and an anal rapist” 

I disagree. Not with the anal raping part, of course. (Just to be clear, I do disagree with anal rape in general. Down with anal rape and sh*t.) I don’t think that not signing a pre-nupt makes him an idiot.¹ 

We all have the benefit of hindsight, allowing us to determine today that him not making his (then) 18 year old wife sign a pre-nuptial agreement in 2001 was clearly an idiotic move. At the same time, though, if you love someone enough to legally and spiritually commit the rest of your life to them, doesn’t a pre-nupt cheapen that entire process? Aren’t you basically saying “I love the sh*t out of you, and I want to spend the rest of eternity with you. I’ll carry you to Heaven, and, if need be, I’ll even follow you to Hell. Buuuuut, I’m a need you to sign this paper real quick just in case that whole loving the sh*t out of you thing doesn’t work. Deal?”

I know many of you (and by “you” I mean “the men reading this“) are probably thinking “That’s easy for you to say, Champ. I don’t know what your bank account looks like, but I’m pretty certain you aint worth 150 mil.” Thing is — and Chris Rock already made this point in one of his comedy specials — my relatively minuscule bank account actually makes a pre-nupt more sensible for me. I think Kobe will be ok with his 75 mil. But, if me or any of the rest of the 40 to 100 thousand dollar a year n*ggas reading this were forced to give half away, we’d have good motive to kill someone.

With that being said, I’d still never ask a woman to sign a pre-nupt. While some consider that piece of paper to be protection, I think it just exposes doubt. Perhaps I’m just hopelessly romantic (possible) or just dangerously naive (very possible), but I believe that if there’s any doubt then your ass just don’t need to be together at all.

As I stated before, there are already too many not really ready to be married motherf*ckers walking down the alter and taking up precious Jet magazine space. Why even make that step if you’re not willing to put all of your chips in?

¹Having unprotected anal sex with a woman you just met 20 minutes ago does, though

—The Champ

***If you get a minute, check out “The Conversation: Let’s Talk About Race” — a (duh) on-going conversation about race I’m having at The Good Men Project with author Andrew Cotto.***

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • Iamnotakata

    Ha! Kobe’s an idiot!…That is all

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      lol, early nominee for comment of the day

      • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

        The “ha!” at the beginning makes it art.

  • Iamnotakata

    Wait does this mean his wife now qualifies to be on Basketball Wives LA?

    • http://ccooper929.wordpress.com/ Chad C.

      I hope Kobe puts a clause in the divorce settlement to prevent this. Shaunie O’Neal is making a profit off of that garbage.

      • http://twitter.com/tylerg_thomas tgtaggie

        Tiger made his ex-wife and jump offs signed confidentially agreements.

        • http://iamyourpeople.com/ I Am Your People

          One chick had to pay back a TEN MILLION DOLLAR settlement for appearing on Celebrity Rehab and making extremely vague mentions about ‘some relationship,’ not calling Tiger out by name. Fail of the year

        • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

          We’ve had housewives, basketball wives, baseball wives, X-games wives- is there a plan for Golf Wives in the works?

          • KT

            X-games wives? LOL.

            • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

              I wanna say the show was called X-wives.

              • LO (literarily orgasmic)

                Next on the list is Best Buy and Walmart wives. They’ll make a show about anything. Smh

    • LadyC

      I hope she does! But, I don’t think he’s having that at all

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      i don’t know if she’d fit in. i mean, she actually has money, you know?

      • http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 Tristan

        That and i still never heard her talk period

        • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

          Old money don’t talk about money.

  • http://www.shellysaysso.com ShellySaysSo

    I’d be totally offended if the man I loved and was ready to commit to asked me to sign a prenup. I don’t want to get married with a baked-in plan for divorce. I want to marry someone who is committed to actually making a lifelong commitment. That being said, if I were in the NBA, I’d side-eye 99% of the chicks trying to marry me and opt for the chick who liked me when I was awkward way back in middle school.

    • 90sgagirl

      I just don’t understand why years ago young new to the NBA Kobe didn’t have a prenupt. He met his straight outta high school wife on a music video $et? I’d love to know what his parents/family thinks

      • Joy

        They HATED it. They didn’t f with him for a minute for being so naive, I guess. Came around when she started popping out the grandbabies. Still not feelin’ her. Lots of “I told you so’s” going around the Bryant family right about now.

        • GirlSixx

          HmM, interesting bu from what I heard he couldn’t force her to sign a prenup due to the fact her parents had him by his nuts (did ya’ll know when he first popped vanessa she was underage??)…. HmM yeah, I smell statutory rape PLUS he was an up and coming star athlete — would you push for a prenup if a possible statutory rape allegation could hinder your future career?? I THINK NOT!!

      • leelee

        Originally, I heard his parents were so against it they didnt even show up to the wedding…

      • http://twitter.com/tylerg_thomas tgtaggie

        And then proposed to her 6 months later. lol. I think its pretty well documented that his family (his pop’s a former NBA player) did not approve of his marriage. see article link below.

        http://www.christianpost.com/news/kobe-bryant-divorce-inside-the-rollercoaster-marriage-65108/

        • DQ

          In every way possible, through marrying her, through not getting a pre-nup, by cheating, and by humiliating her publicly, he brought this on himself. I shed no tears.

          • CNotes

            My sentiments exactly!

        • Onyx Lady

          But wait, let’s not be so fast to dog Vanessa. She did stick around after the first cheating scandal at least. Some would argue that she was waiting ten years and so forth but HE CHEATED folks, remember that. It’s not like she doesn’t have a legit reason to leave him. She’s done her part, she birthed him two beautiful girls and will continue to take care of them. She might get a ridiculous amount of money, but that’s his fault.

          • GirlSixx

            I totally Agree!!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “if I were in the NBA, I’d side-eye 99% of the chicks trying to marry me and opt for the chick who liked me when I was awkward way back in middle school.”

      …and that’s why you’re not in the NBA…or a man

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        If I were a man in the NBA, I’d be a NBA man-whore. I wouldn’t have much motivation to marry at 21 and just signed with the NBA. Testosterone party time!

        • CPT Callamity

          Truth…with that much money I don’t see a reason to put a ring on anything except the world.

          • Amber

            Yeah, I don’t understand why men who know good and darn well that they are going to still be with other women even get married in the first place. Kobe’s situation is a little different because he basically had to marry Vanessa but I’m sure other men can work out something with most women without the marriage.

            • GirlSixx

              “Kobe’s situation is a little different because he basically had to marry Vanessa”

              Yep, that’s what I heard.. it was either marry her or be brought up on statutory rape charges, because she was underage when he first hit it. She was an underage video chick.

    • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

      I’m not sure why creating a prenuptial agreement and being committed for a lifetime would be exclusive of each other.

      • Amber

        Agreed. I am a woman and would want a mutual agreement about both of our assets before and anything attained during marriage. If the marriage lasts then you have lost nothing. I live by the why not clause in life.

  • LSQ

    Marriage is about taking a leap of faith (for some, anyway) – it _should_ be a little bit risky. The prenupt will eliminate the monetary risk, but not the emotional risk.

    • Cali

      excellent point!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “The prenupt will eliminate the monetary risk, but not the emotional risk”

      so basically “hey, before we get make this official, why don’t you sign this paper to protect me in case you’re a conniving motherf*cker”?

      • http://www.amandamichellejones.com Amanda Michelle Jones

        basically.

        • http://www.amandamichellejones.com Amanda Michelle Jones

          …BUT i’m sorry, kobe dragged her through some shit. give that girl some gahtdamb munneh.

  • Kamala Jones

    I see nothing wrong with a pre- or post-nuptial agreement. If you’re marrying a mature person they will understand why you desire to protect your monetary assets.

    • Cali

      agreed

    • J. Lucas

      Agreed! People change all the time. I can’t imagine you’ll be the same person over a 50 year time period. Why not protect myself just in case.

  • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

    I don’t think I would ask my future wife to sign a pre-nup. The only thing I’d contest would be my Playstations and the chirren.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      in that order?

      • Bella

        Lmao!

      • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

        LOL

  • http://ccooper929.wordpress.com/ Chad C.

    I agree w/ you Champ on the idea that a pre-nuptial agreement is saying the marriage will not workout before we actually work things out. I am a big believer of pre-marital counseling that involves the couple and the pastor w/ his wife.

    Also, in the dating phase during courtship, people need to ask questions and gauge the individual’s responses:

    http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/5-essential-financial-questions-to-ask-before-marriage-911282.html

    S/N: Great article, Champ on GoodMenProject; and 6 days until Christmas & the return of the NBA

  • hehe

    I believe prenups are good on a case by case basis. Not everyone needs a prenups but they are logical and that’s one thing ppl tend NOT to be when a)marrying and b)starting a family. Also prenups are good for ppl who want to protect family assets.

    Now if the rumors are true Kobe was a BIG idiot for not having one. He married a high school dropout with no discernible talents he met and marry in a couple of months. Now it that not dumb tell me what is…

    • http://twitter.com/tylerg_thomas tgtaggie

      +1. Vanessa does look like she could be a little on the dense side. lol.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “He married a high school dropout with no discernible talents he met and marry in a couple of months”

      lol, what talents could she have possessed that would have made kobe not an idiot?

  • AI

    Kobe’s not an idiot for not getting the pre-nupt, he’s an idiot for cheating on her. That kind of suggest the love and commitment wasn’t there; and if it’s not, he shoulda got the pre-nupt for the marriage’s ultimate demise.

    • leelee

      exactly. if he didn’t plan on staying faithful ,why didn’t he just take the lebron/ savannah route?

      • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

        Because Kobe’s a lame ass cornball. He’s always been a cornball. He probably genuinely thought she would just deal with it.

        • http://twitter.com/tylerg_thomas tgtaggie

          +1. Kobe is well known to be pretty arrogant.

          • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

            Yep.

        • Todd

          Yeah. Kobe Bryant is just a version of the socially-awkward nerd, but with a whole lot of money. Ever wonder what would happen to the typical nerd once he got on a money come-up? You’ve seen him ply his trade in Forum Blue and Gold for the past 15 years.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        exactly. if he didn’t plan on staying faithful ,why didn’t he just take the lebron/ savannah route?

        tu shea

        • http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 Tristan

          LeBron be damned Savannah gets a ring before he does *drops mic, exits stage right*

          • xLadyTx

            Sir. Lol.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            LeBron be damned Savannah gets a ring before he does *drops mic, exits stage right*

            tu motherf*ckin shea

          • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

            *flatline*

          • LO (literarily orgasmic)

            Lmao. Hilarious

    • A Woman’s Eyes

      he’s not an idiot. he hasn’t lost all his money and become penniless. he’s not strung out he still has a job. hell, he has at least one different woman now. his daughters will never run out of quinceanera style hair bows as long as he keeps working and invests his money. Even if she has half his money, he still will walk off rich.

      • http://twitter.com/sweetdivalove Mia

        “his daughters will never run out of quinceanera style hair bows”

        *falls flat out*

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      that’s more or less how i feel. when you have that much dough, you have a lot ot lose. even if he’s still going to be rich, having to fork over half of your sh*t that you earned solely on your own merits is a hard pill to swallow.

      • http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 Tristan

        Nas nods his head

  • IET

    First?

    • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

      People still do this? Really?

      • nillalatte

        LMAO!!! some things never change. LOL