There’s a fairly popular misconception and myth that most men are commitment phobes. We’ve somewhat dispelled it here by clearly outlining, stenciling, and color-coordinating that it isn’t that men are scared of commitment. Heavens no. We’re merely scared of committing to the wrong person, which I’ve gathered is something women aren’t so much afraid of. Seems that women are more afraid of losing out on the investment they’ve put in, even if it has yielded not so positive returns. Either way, there’s a disconnect there. AT&T.
But there is a fairly silent minority of women out there who have experienced a certain kind of commitment phobic man: the man who’s afraid of too much like right. While I generally frown upon women’s insistence that men are intimidated by their stature, career, Lladro collection, or faux Faberge egg prints (it’s never true ladies), there is one area where some men just might be intimidated. And that’s when a man meets the woman he never thought he’d meet before he’s ready to have met her.
Allow me to set the scene. Oh, you over there…could you turn out the lights, and light a candle. Tonight I’m in a romantic mood…girl let’s take…wait…where am I.
Guy is out at a swanky Detroit River cruise down Woodward Avenue populated by the kind of people who actually believe it’s possible to take a Detroit River Cruise down Woodward Avenue. We shall call him Guy. He sees a darling woman across the way and saunters over in the non-suspect way possible to said gal. We shall call her Gal. Guy and Gal strike up a convo that moves with amazing fluidity. I mean, this convo is fluid, Jack. Lighter. Wiper. Brake. It’s all of those wrapped up in one. They hit it off instantly and realize how many interests they share. Now guy is caught completely off-guard (as is actually how most of us end up with girlfriends. We’re rarely looking, we just happen to find the one of you that throws us off of our game and we don’t fight it. Real talk.).
Guy makes the determination that results in more marriages in the Black community: she’s different.
[SIDENOTE: Seriously, have you all realized that when a guy is in love with a woman, one of the first descriptors he uses when somebody asks why is "different?" We're all looking for the snowflakes that women all swear to be. We like snow. Which makes sense as to why we move so much of that white stuff.]
Guy is finding himself swooning over Gal. But there’s just one problem: he’s 25. And he’s not ready to be locked down. But he sees so much potential with her, except he knows that there’s no way he could be faithful right now because he’s got a few degrees and lives in Washington, DC. But the problem is, this woman is too much like right. She’s not only attractive, but she’s the marrying type. Something about her gives him insight into what his future could look like. He sees the picket fence, 4.6, 2.5 children and rottweiler-dalmation thoroughbred.
And Guy nuts up. He’s not ready for the future, but he knows if he continues to date Gal, he’s going to end up married. He’s got too much life to live and too many things to do before he’s ready to settle down for good. And be clear, I think a lot of us know, or at least suspect, when we’re going to end up married to a woman. If it doesn’t make it to that point, it’s as much of a surprise to some of us as it is to you all.
Point is, I actually believe in this. It’s part of the reason why some women end up messing with guys who go back and forth so much and cause so much relationship drama. The woman is ready to bet the house and the man knows that he should bet the house but he’s got one foot in a world that he’s afraid to miss. And it’s not always about chasing women. Sometimes it’s just the freedom of it all. But it happens all the time. Guy finds the different Gal, realizes it, but just can’t give her what she needs…but hopes she’ll still be around when he’s ready to move on to stage 2.
While this doesn’t pertain to all women – let’s be real, all of you all aren’t the “immediate proposal” types – I’m aware that this has happened to plenty of women…and men. Let’s be real, it’s scary as hell to realize that you’re staring the future in the face. Especially when you’ve spent so much time either assuming that you’d never find the exact woman you were looking for or never believed she could possibly exist so you settled for a makeshift Lauren London with good genes and an iPhone with a Wikipedia app.
I mean there’s a reason Guy named their album The Future, right? What does that have to do with the price of loincloth in the Bering Straits? I don’t know either.
Anyway, what say you, menfolks, are there women you’ve been intimidated by because she seemed too right? And ladies, do you think a man has ever dipped out because he couldn’t handle the fact that you two were too well suited for one another?
Is there a heart in the house? If so, stand up.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka SHUGGIE JACKSON aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3
***Also, check out Panama’s post on Guyspeak, “Do You Have An Emotional Tampon, Ladies” and read some of P’s answers to about maid of honor speeches, pedicures, and all around gangstatry. ****