While it seems that most reading ninjas worship at the throne of Love Jones, I don’t. Maybe it’s because I’m taller than Larenz Tate. Or maybe it’s because I enjoyed him more as O’Dog than Darius Lovehall. Or maybe it’s because my favorite scene in the whole movie is when Khalil Kain tells Nia Long that he’s about to “get some motherf*cking Cap’n Crunch”. Me no know. I don’t begrudge ninjas their Love Jones jones, but when it comes to romanticalness, there’s another movie that tickles my fancy.
Yep. That one.
See while everyone else was watching Love Jones and loving the deep artistry of the artists and lines like “physics the sh*t ain’t”, I was watching Jason’s Lyric and being mesmerized at how a woman with the body of a 6-year-old could have THAT pretty a face. Jada Pinkett’s face was on dime status in that movie, but her body was a penny with a hole in it. Plus, the movie just appealed to more of what I was used to. Bank robberies, southern ‘hoods, pickup trucks, ninjas with perms, shootouts, This Is It restaurants (I swear until that movie I thought they only existed in Atlanta), big booty hoochies, jail, Juneteenth festivals, and airplanes. No B.o.B.
Well Jason’s Lyric also gave me a bunch of items I hope to achieve in my dating life. I’ve actually randomly pulled off a few of these items, but not effectively. Yes, Jason’s Lyric has managed to hold all of my life’s goals on my romantic bucket list.
I see you looking at me, looking at you, looking at me. You want to know what items are on my list? Well shut my mouth wide open, I intended to share it!
1. “I ain’t neva really watched the sun set befo’”
I want to say this to a woman at just the right moment. Part of the reason why I love Jason’s Lyric is because this lowly brotha met a woman who changed his world. That’s what I need in my life. In Love Jones, Darius and Nina had a jones for eachother, but I don’t feel like any of them gained much aside from having their jones satisfied. Lyric though? She had this brotha OPEN. Had him watching the sunset. Do you know why that mattered? No? Well, it’s cuz he ain’t neva really watched it before. I need a woman to expose me to some sh*t I ain’t really watched before. If she tries to show me the sunset, I’m gonna be mad though. I can read. I ain’t a criminal.
2. “If you go to the grocery store, I want to be in the next aisle. If you go to church, I want to be in the last pew. I just want to see you again.”
You know how Lisa Nicole Carson’s character “Big T*tty Woman Dating Lyric’s BankRobbingBrothar” would just DAH for a ni**a to wash her feet? I’d just DAH to have a woman who made me utter these words. But I’ll be a monkey’s uncle if I ain’t WAITING to say this sh*t out loud to some woman. Real talk though, I might just say that to a banging woman just to get it out of my system.
3. Jack a city bus
Some people aspire to go to college. Some people aspire to be happy. Me? I aspire to jack a Metro bus and use it as my personal vehicle to commit random shenanigans in the name of impressing a woman because I…jacked a city bus. Okay, it needs work. But men love crazy women, and crazy women appreciate criminal activity…especially misdemeanors or better. You take a bus, you take her heart. It was written. And it is so.
4. Picnic in a random arse abandoned, well maintained building with a beautiful artsy mural painted on the ceiling
Nevermind that we have no idea how Jason’s low budget arse even knew the place existed. Or maybe I just don’t remember. Point is, how dope would it be to have an indoor picnic with some Andre champagne and sandwiches from Subway (eat fresh…a personal motto. heheheheh) with our hijacked bus just parked….out motherf*cking front. That would be real dope.
5. “F*ck it, I’m Prince Charming”
Mostly because I’m so not. I’m not even Prince Rogers Nelson. But I’m all about the game. Blouses. I just want to say this to a woman who will actually get the reference.
6. Laying pipe in a mom & pop electronics store
Just seems fun.
7. Bayou booty
Can’t say I’m trying to roll around and have somebody tape the scenes with strawgrass danging from my derriere or anything, but heckynaw, gettin’ some of that good lovin’ down by the riverside seems like some romantic sh*t. It’s almost like that time…in Centennial Park…at midni…I’ve said too much.
8. Meet a woman who makes me want to wash her feet with creekwater
Mostly because…ew. I am not sucking toes. I’ll tell ya that sh*t.
That’s my Jason’s Lyric inspired romantic bucket list.
Do you have one? If so, what’s on it? Is it inspired by anything? If not, make one up. It’s Cinco De Mayo. Drank.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka JULIO JULIO PONCHO PIMPIN’ PANNNAMA aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A TRES