Lists, Pop Culture, Race & Politics

My Country ‘Tis Of Thee

If you’ve been paying attention to the newspapers and internet news sources, you know that Barack Obama’s lost his mojo. It’s not that he’s not doing the best he can, but it’s been two years and all we’ve really learned is that there was no way he could pull off what everybody wanted him to do.

Mind you, I’m not sh*tting on Obama. I voted him just like most of us did here. So there’s that.

I also read the Forbes list of the world’s richest people. In the words of Liz, “that’s a lot of white people.” But more than that were a lot of great managers and great business people. Hate or love Wal-Mart, but thost folks know what they’re doing. Don’t even get me started on Larry Ellison or even any of the random other hundred or so billionaires who had to figure out how to run a huge enterprise and mix and match various pieces to achieve a greater goal: stacking benjamins.

Well being the deep thinking, sexxalicious mofo that I am I got to thinking about government from a different angle. You see, we all know government sucks a little. Politicians glad hand you and then take your money. Forget random folks in the neighborhood, you have to hide your kids and your wife from Congress. But what if…

…what if  you could create your own government? Pick your own cabinet from anybody you want. Of course, entertainers are the most visible people most of us can think of. Heck, I couldn’t tell you who 98 percent of the people on the world’s richest people list were. But just say you could create your own US Government built out of the people that YOU think could do the job best. If you think Obama has it…great. I’m not sure he ever had the real experience it takes to be a great manager, but who am I to judge. He’s my POTUS.

It’s Friday, let’s pick our cabinets. Pick out a President, VP, Secretary of Defense, Secretary of Commerce, Secretary of Education, and some advisors.

Here’s the Panama Jackson government –

President - The guy who owns Home Depot, Arthur Blank

Every year folks vote this as one of the best places to work. People LOVE working there and they deal with wood all day. No prostitute. He provides a rest haven for immigrants and the Home Depot closest to me is in the hood and you know who shops there? White people. We got diversity, immigrants, profit, focus, and one of the best aisle setups ever. What does that have to do with anything? Not a clue, but the point is, that guy knows how to run a company that everybody can get behind. That’s who I want running my country. At least for  a week or so…I mean he did toss Micheal Vick.

Vice President - Oprah Motherf*cking Winfrey

Forget Lil Mama, Oprah is the voice of the young people. Actually, I’m sure you already forgot Lil Mama until I reminded you of her so forget her again. Who doesn’t love her and/or listen to what she has to say. She’s got the social services on lock. Look how much crap she gives away for free. Can you say hand-out? As opposed to coming in with an agenda, she’d be the sounding board for the old white people and old women. Who knows we might even get the suffrage movement going.

Wait…women can already vote?!?!?!?!?!? Who thought that was a good idea?

Secretary of Defense - 50 Cent and/or Christ Partlow

50 makes sport of destroying people’s careers. Seems like he’d be a shoo-in, but Christ Partlow? That murderous mofo just has the necessary military precision and decision making neceessary to keep everybody at bay. Marlo’s not even real and I don’t want to f*ck with him so that I don’t have to deal with Chris and Snoop. No doggy.

Secretary of Commerce - Eminem and Will.I.Am/Dude’s selling Nutcracker on the streets of NYC

They’re the only two people selling units in a music industry where nobody is buying sh*t. Sounds like commerce to me. Plus, you have to have a white guy in a major cabinet position. It’s like fantasy basketballl. You should be required to keep at least one white person on your squad at all times. And if you’ve been to NY you know about nutcracker. Those relentless cats make sales.

Education Secretary - Trick Daddy.

He loves the kids.

I’m at my word limit so I’m just going to say all my advisors would be the Wu-Tang Clan. And do you know why?

Because the Wu-Tang Clain ain’t nothing to f*ck with.

Who would run your government?

It’s Friday. Enjoy your life.


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Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • Cousin Wale


    • Cousin Wale

      Even though this post isn’t a (super) serious exercise, history has shown us that (the right) entertainers have the skill set to be excellent politicians.

      “Ronald Reagan? The actor?! Who’s Vice President? Jerry Lewis?”

      • Kirk Lazarus

        Thank you for the Back to the Future reference!

      • ThisIshRightHereNinja

        YES!! #lovemesome B2TF

      • Panama Jackson

        here’s the thing about entertainers, for some odd reason (and despite our better judgement) we give a sh*t about what they say. hence bono’s inexplicable ability to penetrate (no LongFellow) political discussions. i think that overall most entertainers biggest asset is their social networking skills. and that’s all congress is, a bunch of gossips trading favors for favors. just like hollywood.

  • The Exotic Black

    Vice President-Trent W. Nelson

    ^I think thats a good match.
    Together we’d run the country the right way

  • Liz

    you are so random.

    • Keisha Brown

      co-sign. lol.

    • Panama Jackson

      i saw a blue bird yesterday.

      • Keisha Brown

        it all makes sense then.
        carry on.

  • It Figures!

    PJ, you mean to tell me that you can pick the government and you go back to an old white man? Wow, I am shocked.

    • oliver

      why not? i’d rather have Arthur blank as president right now..shoot what part of home depot cant people understand, surely he knows a thing or two about job creation that the present occupant of the white house doesnt know

    • Panama Jackson

      just cuz i’m picking means i have to pick a black cat? lol. i’m going with the person who runs one of the best run organizations in the nation. well, did, apparently he retired (thanks to whoever left that comment, too lazy to scroll down and read). but shoot, i LOVE home depot and so does everybody else. he figured out something.

      so racist. lol.

  • Rog


    Vice President-Progressive Insurance Lady- She’s so Effin Happy

    Sec. of Defense-Danny Trejo (Dude from Machete)-He’s the dude from Machete

    Sec. of Commerce-Girl Scouts- Who can say no to Girl Scout Cookies?

    Education Sec.- Martin- “Martin Love the Kids”

    Sec. of Espionage (Yes I made it up)-A Black Woman………..A Woman in general. You heat-seak-missle-stealth-bomber mofos.

    • JessicaL

      Oh no. I spit out some coffee laughing at that.

    • Nefertiti

      LMAO @ “He’s the dude from Machete” ….that movie was crazy, but he was killing the game! Literally…

    • Panama Jackson

      was Machete any good? b/c that trailer sucked monkey nuts. i never wanted to NOT see a movie so bad in my life.

      • JessicaL

        Lol it was supposed to be bad. Did you ever see those Grindhouse movies that Tarantino and Rodriguez did? There was a fake trailer for the movie. The whole point of those movies were to pay homage to those terrible b-movies. I thought it was funny though.

  • B. Brown

    President – Bill Gates

    The man is rich beyond belief and charitable. Win.

    Vice President – Warren Buffett

    Same rationale as Gates. If government’s main job is distribution of wealth, may as well have wealthy people at the top.

    Secretary of Defense – Jay-Z

    He has that “above the fray, but will still send people” vibe. This might also be unduly influenced by my watching State Property last night.

    Secretary of Commerce – Vince McMahon

    When one really looks into WWE, it’s hard to argue against this. It’s nothing short of genius to sell a company and still own it.

    Secretary of State – Will Smith

    I think everyone still loves him, so international relations shouldn’t be a problem.

    Education Secretary – Common

    I thought about Kanye West for a quick second, but Kanye didn’t go to the university that sits on the highest of Tallahassee’s seven hills.

    Press Secretary (not really a Cabinet position, but why not) – Chris Rock

    He’d tell it like it i-s-is. And he was president in Head of State. I really wanted to put Tamron Hall here, but if I were making things up she wouldn’t be in DC.

    Secretary of Homeland Security – Trick Daddy

    If you’ve never heard of the Dunk Ryders, you probably won’t get this. If you’ve heard [Forget] The Other Side, you know why Trick goes here.

    Secretary of Energy – Lil Jon

    Why not the King of Crunk?

    Secretary of Veterans Affairs – Mike Ditka

    Man’s done a lot for getting retired NFL players increased (and well-deserved) pension benefits.

    • I Am Your People

      @B. Brown – I think Paul Mooney would be an even more honest Press Secretary. And for Secy of Energy, how about Marion Barry?

    • Keisha Brown

      co-sign on the VA.

      • ToneCapone

        “but Kanye didn’t go to the university that sits on the highest of Tallahassee’s seven hills.”

        I said, I said FAMU’s in tha house!! *J-rome voice*

    • Right Her

      “Education Secretary – Common
      I thought about Kanye West for a quick second, but Kanye didn’t go to the university that sits on the highest of Tallahassee’s seven hills.”

      Are you a Rattler too? (SN – I’m not sure how Common made the 40 under 40 Alumni this year when he never actually graduated.)

    • Panama Jackson

      Education Secretary – Common

      I thought about Kanye West for a quick second, but Kanye didn’t go to the university that sits on the highest of Tallahassee’s seven hills.

      you’re right, but they both got one thing in common, they didn’t graduate. lol. way to send the right message!

      this reminds me of the time that Rev jamal bryant came to morehouse to talk about how he went to school there blah blah blah. well apparently numbnuts didn’t even finish high school but copped his GED and still got into morehouse (can’t remember if it was on a scholarship). all i took from his lecture was that i didnt need a high school diploma to go to morehouse. my guitar gently wept that day.

      • B. Brown

        @IAYP: Mooney would be good too. I have to admit not getting the Barry reference, though (I would if he studied physics rather than chemistry).

        @KB: The sun started shining a little bit brighter down here about two hours and 23 minutes ago. Would you happen to know anything about that?

        @Right Her: Please believe it. FAMU forever…re: 40 under 40, that seems moreso a marketing tool (using the 40 to hopefully market the school) as it does a meritocracy – although the list isn’t that bad.

        @Panama: never said he graduated…but still: ’tis better to have gone to FAMU and left than never to have gone at all.

        • Keisha Brown

          @B Brown..
          *bats eyelashes and smiles coyly..who me??
          i dont know… tee hee hee….

      • brotherspanky

        he was the baccalaureate speaker when my older brother graduated from morehouse. he closed with: “but let me tell you, brothers and sisters, i have great news….i just saved hundreds of dollars by switching to Geico.”

        no lie.

    • PoliBohoGlam

      Damn it!
      Now I’m in love with you for the FAMU reference.


  • JustCallMeTes

    President: Oprah. For the obvious reasons. Plus we’ll all get cars and trips to Austrailia.

    Vice President: Bill Gates. Distributing the wealth while reeling it in with a focus on science and technology. Plus he’s generous with it.

    Secretary of Defense: Suge Knight. It’s like Cedric the Entertainer said “Bet you can’t look in a mirror and say Suge Knight three times.”

    Secretary of State: Common. Cause we needs some finesse.

    Education Secretary: Talib Kweli. Knowledgeable. Deep. Moving. Cool. Kids dig that, right?

    Secretary of Commerce: Jay-Z. He owns. Seriously. He owns a little bit of everything. I say we get in on that.

    • Panama Jackson

      Secretary of Defense: Suge Knight. It’s like Cedric the Entertainer said “Bet you can’t look in a mirror and say Suge Knight three times.”

      Suge Knight got knocked the f*ck out by that dude on youtube. ruined his whole image to me. like he was actually KO’d. i’m still afraid of him though.

      question, straight up too…do we really think these rappers are that smart? Like Talib Kweli. i aint saying these ninjas ain’t smart at all but sometimes i wonder if we make them out to be smarter than they are. mos def for instance sound slike a bumbling idiot in interviews. lupe sounds like he might be smart but i also think he’s an idiot. talib is a dope rapper though so ill give him a pass.

      rap is an interesting phenomenon if you think about it. the very guys putting together these verses we love sound like raging idiots when asked questions about sh*t that they should know about.

      interviewer: what do you think about this BP oil spill?
      rapper: it’s f*cked up how they gonna do our Black people.

      in fact, that’s what i’m gonna do soon, write the Black Man’s Deflection Guide To Sounding Smart.

      • JustCallMeTes

        Do I think they’re smart? Yes. Do I think we make them out to be smarter than they are? Definitely. Nobody wants to admit their favorite rapper is possibly an idiot savant. Ruins the rep Panama, ruins the rep.

        @SFG – Common is the dream man of the women in my family. My Nana even says “Oooh girl, Common!” and does the church lady hand wave.

      • Yonnie 3000

        Did you see Mos Def on Politically Incorrect w/ Bill Maher? The first time when he was on w/ Cornel West. I though he held his own – sounded intelligent and hilarious at the same time. I’ve actually seen a few interviews where he impressed me. The rest of the time… well… he smokes a lot.

        • k-steez

          Exactly! wtf is PJ talking about?! Maybe he’s talking about Mos’ delivery in interviews, ’cause he does sound funny, but if ur listening to what he’s actually saying its closer to the anti-idiot….loved that interview by the way

    • SmartFoxGirl

      Something about Common makes me tilt my head and smile.

  • legitimate_soul

    President-Shirley Chisolm. Yes, I know. But the question asked “what if you could create your own government” and I’m posting in the essence of fantasy and not subscribing to any limitations.

    Vice President-Cory Booker. I liked what I saw in the “Street Fight” documentary.

    Secretary of Defense-Tony Jaa. You seen his movies? Case closed.

    Education Secretary- Geofffrey Canada of the Harlem Children’s Zone Charter School

    Speaker of The House-Paul Mooney
    He been kickin’ the truth to the young black youth (well everbody) well before WuTang. He would clown the phlugg outta critics and get them to STFU. Plus my POTUS and Vice would be safe with Mooney being the next in line.

    Secretary of Commerce-Nike
    They got brand loyalty like a mug! Despite the sweatshop accusations, and some people’s straight disdain (perhaps with merit), they are the premium brand for sports excellence of myriad sports. A pair of kicks can cost more than a utility bill, a weeks worth of groceries, or even the dayum outfit you’d wear the kicks with and folks buy them. Social status, branding genius, marketing impact, and athletic respect all in one! Right or wrong, they are good at what they do. We gone make ‘dis money with Nike, son!

    Side note: Panama mentioned Chris from the Wire. I find that brother chexy. It is not just the role, or any thug thing, I just think Gbenga Akinnagbe is ….whew!

    FTR, I still got love for the POTUS. Brother got a LOT of fluggery to address, especially following behind the one before him.

    • legitimate_soul

      Just in case folks can’t see my vision with the late Mrs. Chisolm as POTUS, insert Afrika Bambaataa. Afrika Bambaataa been bringing people together for years. He did it as a former gang member in the Bronx when folks could meet up and enjoy hip hop at a party without any thing going down, through his music, through his mentorship of others, through the Zulu Nation. Ever read the code of honor on the Official Zulu Nation website? It’s the essence of diversity, humanitarianism, and decency.

      • iRocksox91

        Africa Bambaataa & the Zulu Nation? You mean the Coalition of the Willing?

        Dave Chappelle- Black Bush ( UN)

        • iRocksox91


        • Yonnie 3000

          This is tied with The Mad Real World for my favorite Chappelle’s Show skits. When Obama first got in office, I couldn’t watch any speech of his without then pulling this up on YouTube.

          • Yonnie 3000

            This was supposed to be in reply to iRocksox91’s Black Bush post.

          • legitimate_soul

            Black Bush and the Player Haters Ball rank as two of my favorites :)

        • Cheekie

          Black Bush is that classic sh*t.

    • SmartFoxGirl

      I cosign Nike. In the marketing world, Nike is Bill Gates.

  • Mr. Gundam

    President – Bill Gates
    Endless support of helping third-world countries, responsible enough to not let his kids own his businesses, and finally no more production keys to use his Microsoft office. Freedom for all!

    VP- Idris Elba
    Why? Cause ladies like him. He would be great for speeches, townhouse meetings, and get alot of young women voters out to the polls. Men will follow suit, to kick game but to mostly learn about politics.

    Secretary of Defense – Samuel L. Jackson (Who will be assisted by Terry Crews and Michael Bay)
    I can see It Loud black man plus Big Black man equals peace in the Middle East or World War III. Whichever comes first…….Explosions!!!

    Secretary of Commerce – Can’t think of someone who isn’t selfish when it comes to money. :-(

    Education Secretary – Cicely Tyson
    I don’t think you need a reason.

    • Keisha Brown

      yes they deserve to die and i hope they burn in hayle!

  • Pan Afrikanist Bourgie Princess

    Thanks for this. I’m going to turn this into an assignment for my Poli Sci 101 students. I’m sure they will all list rappers and such. But my list is…

    President- Bill Cosby
    I mean dude is hella smart! Plus the attire would be HBCU sweatshirts and Coogi sweaters.

    Vice President- Dick Gregory
    Again a brilliant man! It was a tie between he and Cosby for president, but considering the title of his book, we can’t scare the white voters too much, because we all know, negro and negresses don’t vote.

    Secretary of Education-