ms. masochistic

three reasons (limited to three because of time and word constraints. i could very easily extend this list to at least 39 if i desired) why the champ thinks most women are generally masochistic

before we begin, we need a working definition of masochism, just to make sure the mouth breathers reading this have an idea what i’m talking about

—gratification gained from pain, deprivation, degradation, etc., inflicted or imposed on oneself, either as a result of one’s own actions or the actions of others, esp. the tendency to seek this form of gratification.

the act of turning one’s destructive tendencies inward or upon oneself.

—trying to find 8 consecutive bars of intelligible english while listening to the carter 3

carrying on…

1. no pigeons

released in the spring of 1999 by the aggressively forgettable sporty thieves, this song was a response to TLC’s “no scrubs”. it was far and away the most clever of the dozens of recorded retorts to that song, but thats not the reason why i’m highlighting it now. the fact that there were dozens of recorded retorts to this simple song taking about deadbeat dudes is actually my point. you name the song, whether its “bills, bills, bills”, “my neck my back”, “soldier”, “irreplaceable”…whatever. if it’s released by a popular woman and has real or even just perceived negative connotations about men, then you can bet a months pay that within a week of it first hitting the airwaves, there will be response songs, blog posts and thousand word articles written about it.

on the flipside, male artists can basically say whatever the hell they feel about women, and ninety percent of the time, they’re met not just with minimal protest but support!. i never understood this. our (men’s) generally apathetic asses dont ever let stuff like this slide by, but women’s generally annoyingly inquisitive and skeptical behinds continuously let it go like a fart in the wind.

can somebody explain this to me, or at least give me a reason other than stringent masochism why this is allowed to occur? please…take your time, i’m not going anywhere.

no answer still?

moving on…

2. relationship books

go to any relationship book section of any bookstore and you’ll see titles such as “why he’s not into your stupid ass”, “why your man will leave you before you finish this book”, “he’s not gay, he’s just not attracted to you”, “prudish bitch, the story of american women”, “dump him before he dumps you”, “how feminism failed…completely”, and “stop slutting around”…”self-help” books which basically tell women how stupid they are….and women buy them by the bushel!!! it doesnt stop at the purchase either. there will be book buying parties and chapters emailed to every woman they know and carpools to book-signings…a regularly accepted practice of having a shindig celebrating these pugnaciously insulting pieces of literature.

can somebody explain this to me, or at least give me a reason other than stringent masochism why this is allowed to occur? please…take your time, i’m not going anywhere.

no answer still?

moving on…

3. willingly entering doomed relationships

yeah, men do this too….but at least we can blame our penises on our general occasional thimbleheadness. women can’t, not when they generally enter every romantic relationship looking at every angle, getting advice from every close girlfriend, reading horoscopes, googling, calling parole officers, bookmarking every alexyss tylor youtube vid and plotting every bcs and wcs (best and worst case scenario)…and still willingly commit themselves to relationships they know will be more toxic than ann coulter.

can somebody explain this to me, or at least give me a reason other than stringent masochism why this is allowed to occur? please…take your time, i’m not going anywhere.

no answer still?

still waiting. i’ll be here all day though. take your time.

—the champ

  • Kitsune

    Wow. I’mma need you to get out of my head. Because I, just moments ago came to the realization that I am a masochist. Are there some MA meetings I can go to? I need a 12 step program ASAP.
    “Hi, my name is Kit and I’m a masochist. It’s been x years since I was last in a relationship that stood a chance.”

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “Are there some MA meetings I can go to? I need a 12 step program ASAP.”

      sure. you can be president of the west coast chapter

      • Kitsune

        LOL! I think I have to complete treatment 1st though before I can run the west coast chapter. :)

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          nah. you’re getting thrown into the fire. we’re like baby elephants here at vsb.com. no baby steps…just immediate membership into the heard

    • bklynbadass

      you probabaly need to retrain yourself in reference to what you are looking for. I had to do the very same thing. I wanted a dude that could offer “tender di#$” and also kick ANYBODY’S ass that stepped out of line. problem is, with that line of thinking, I was asking the universe to send me a borderline psychopath will bedroom bully skills – not much room left for growth in a relationship or exploring cultural activities- nah mean? So I had to examine myself and make soem changes there and then readjust what I was willing to accept and what is essentially sexy to me for a long term fulfilling relationship. Nothing is harder than analyzing yourself, recognizing you wild out sometimes and executing real change. It worked and still works for me because I am still growing and learning with my longest, healthiest relationship and still counting with my husband and father of my child. But make no mistake – he will knock a dude out, pays them bills and will “slay me”- yes i said that – in the bedroom. But we can communicate on a meaningful level, beef and compromise and keep it moving in a respectful way ( with some yelling when the kdi aint’ around)!

  • Treezy F. Baby

    Conditioning? We are nurturers and sh*t…we think more about the pleasure of submitting than the pain of masochism and then sometimes get the two confused.

    Also we are very good at doublethink…we can think fully and completely one thing that is exactly in conflict with another thing…this might be an offset of what was previously called chick logic. It’s the double think version of chick logic that can make us know and really hate getting called a “bitch” and then totally love and wanna make babies with a rapper that call us one in every other lyric. If it weren’t for doublethink however it would be almost impossible to make some relationships work with the men we love…

    But then I’m running into the problem of reason #3 huh? I plead my first response…we’re nurturers and sh*t. We think we can nurture a man out of whatever nasties he starts off with. We’re not masochists we just have bigger egos than you think. ;)

    • Kitsune

      Thinking we can nurture a man out of his nasties is masochism. Like Granny would say “baby, the only way you can change a man is if he wears diapers.” I’m guilty of this as well…

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “If it weren’t for doublethink however it would be almost impossible to make some relationships work with the men we love…”

      doesn’t this suggest, though, that these arent men or relationships worth saving?

      • Treezy F. Baby

        @Champ
        Doublethink is the oil that keeps the relationship engine running. For example, I can love what a hardworking man my dude is. How he would labor all day long just to provide for me and make sure I’m taken care of. At the same time, I can also hate the fact that he works so much he never has time to spend with me. Loving and hating things about a person at the same time is the difference between the people you can get along with and the people you can’t…it only becomes masochism when by doing so you are willingly hurting yourself.

        @Kitsune – I can feel you…I think of myself as being a hopeless nurturer more than a masochist though. That word just makes me think of dungeons, whips and chains…and I personally never put myself in a position in which I feel like that’s the physical or emotional equivalent what I’m experiencing. I have a very low tolerance for actual pain. We all deal with some pain in love so there has to be a line to decide what’s allowable and what’s overly-indulgent. I don’t think every situation in which I wish to “make someone better” is necessarily self-torture. I know that it comes from my ego that really thinks I’m like superwoman and can positively affect nearly anyone I come into contact with. But, I usually give up trying at the point that it starts to hurt me. Pain is a sign that something is wrong. A masochist would thrive and indulge on the pain…that’s when I back away.

        • Kitsune

          I’m a hopeless nurturer for sure. Ugh…I can’t help it.

  • http://lizburr.com Liz

    I hate you!

    I am guilty of so many of these things, man. But, having almost memorized every song on Tha Carter 3, I can say that is not masochism, thanks!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      i triple-dog dare you to find 8 straight bars of easily decipherable english on that album. i’m not saying its not entertaining, but, then again, crackheads in the barbershop are entertaining too

      • http://lizburr.com Liz

        Whatever. I see your 8 and raise you 12:

        to the left to the left
        if you wanna leave
        be my guest, you can step

        feelin Irreplacable, listening to Beyonce
        well ok, i’ll put you out on your B-day

        hey, now if you rockin with Weezy
        bedroom in the bank, baby we safe

        i got game like EA, but i wanna let you play

        and don’t i treat you like souffle
        don’t i look at you like i see a new day
        and don’t i do what i do, say
        i’m through talkin, so I’mma let you ‘Face
        and let ‘Ye do ‘Ye

        -Comfortable, Lil Wayne feat Babyface

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          i wanted to finish reading this, but my eyes started bleeding halfway through

          • http://lizburr.com Liz

            You need to let go of the hate in your heart, sir!!

          • http://lizburr.com Liz

            Hater. The song is cute and a god answer to Irreplaceable.

        • http://thebeautifulstruggler.com Sister Toldja

          FEATURING BABYFACE????? MY BABYFACE? WHIP APPEAL, NEVER KEEPING SECRETS, TWO OCCASIONS BABYFACE?

          I am going to kill myself.

  • http://www.myspace.com/regalmuse Muse

    Champ, I must say your latest post is very on point. My theory behind why so many women have masochistic tendencies is because we have been conditioned by society to be forgiving, accepting of other’s flaws, and to put our own needs lasts. The masochistic behavior of women includes settling for a mediocre man in hopes that he will reach his potential; forgiving a man who treats them poorly even if he lies, cheats, and steals; and staying in a relationship that has no future besides pain and disappointment. What’s so insane to me is that women are okay with settling if the guy has some of the qualities that she is looking for, but a man who is on point in most areas will not settle. In fact I’ve noticed that men will try to date up while women are okay dating down. Sadly many black women are guilty of the type of masochistic behavior I noted in previous examples because we are viewed as strong and invulnerable. Black women are so use to holding down the fort that when a man does come around we don’t allow ourselves the luxury of being picky.

    As for me I’m dedicated to making myself happy. That means if I meet a guy and he isn’t making any effort or I get vibes that he will waste my time then I’m done. No need sticking around to figure someone out when there are other dating options. I use to be one of those masochistic women trying to make a relationship work and pulling out all the stops to impress someone who turned out wasn’t worthy of my time. Do I hate men as a result? Of course not! I use my past experiences as a valuable learning tool so that I don’t repeat the same mistakes. I also learned about myself and what I desire in a partner. There is no reason for me to settle and not strive to get what I want. What’s funny is that many of my non-Black girlfriends set a very high standard and if the guy doesn’t meet that then they are kicked to the curve. Interestingly enough most of these woman are now engaged or in long term relationships with the men of their dreams.

    Luckily my new take on me has left me drama and angst free.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “I use to be one of those masochistic women trying to make a relationship work and pulling out all the stops to impress someone who turned out wasn’t worthy of my time.”

      what caused you to make the change?

      • http://www.myspace.com/regalmuse Muse

        I wanted to be happy. There wasn’t a singular event that caused this change. The change was more as a result of maturity and learning about myself. I don’t have time to chase a guy who sees me as another piece of meat or thinks that he is so tight that he doesn’t have to put any effort into the relationship. Sometimes a person hits a point where they are like “fuck it” I’m going to do me and enjoy myself instead of all the drama.

    • http://www.tiffanybbrown.com/ tiffany

      “What’s funny is that many of my non-Black girlfriends set a very high standard and if the guy doesn’t meet that then they are kicked to the curb.”

      you know … thank you for saying this. i think black women are taught to accept and expect trifling. the clearest example i can think of is the money issue.

      if i want a man who’s doing well for himself, i’m a gold digger. if a white woman wants the same, she “wants a good provider.”

      i wish i could think of more concrete examples. but there seems to be a subtext that black women who want princes have a whole lot of nerve thinking they deserve somebody like that.

      • Treezy F. Baby

        i wish i could think of more concrete examples. but “there seems to be a subtext that black women who want princes have a whole lot of nerve thinking they deserve somebody like that.”

        Slave Mentality 2008

  • http://www.sheliagoss.com/blog Shelia

    I’ve written about this subject before. For some reason some of us think we can rescue the male population from themselves. We set out on a self-destructive task of turning the bad boy into a good boyfriend even when the bad boy says without stuttering, “I’m not looking for a girlfriend or wife. I just want to kick it.” Playing Ms. Rescue has to stop and that will stop some of the madness.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “Playing Ms. Rescue has to stop and that will stop some of the madness.

      is ms. rescue related to captain save a ho?

      • JBoogie

        Yup…

    • Miss Patterson

      “i just want to kick it”….first of all, this phrase should be a vsb tshirt. and secondly, i know this phrase all too well. how this translated into ‘give him a little time and he’ll fall head over heels for me’, i’ll never know. but it was comforting lie to tell myself in my 20′s.

      • Treezy F. Baby

        LOL even when we’re “just kicking it” women still feel like they have to reason why they are “kicking it” with an assh*le.

  • http://Blog-AroundHarlem.com AroundHarlem.com

    Insanity?

    I’ve often wonderd which of the two was actually my problem.

    LOL.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “Insanity?

      I’ve often wonderd which of the two was actually my problem.

      LOL.”

      …maybe both

      • http://Blog-AroundHarlem.com AroundHarlem.com

        I’ll have to ponder that possibility.

        LOL.

  • genius khan

    this psychlogy (psychosis) you speak of certainly speaks to the victims mentality and sense of entitlement most women seem to have.

    Champ says: “—trying to find 8 consecutive bars of intelligible english while listening to the carter 3″

    good luck but you knew better. what are you a masochist?

    Champ says: “women can’t, not when they generally enter every romantic relationship looking at every angle, getting advice from every close girlfriend, reading horoscopes, googling, calling parole officers…”

    you forgot an illegal crredit check and calling her girl at your bank. (you do the math)

    Champ says: or even just perceived negative connotations about men, then you can bet a months pay that within a week of it first hitting the airwaves, there will be response songs, blog posts and thousand word articles written about it.”

    double standard chiming in.most women claim a higher moral standard/ground compared to men (unrealistic as it MAY be), so there you have it. PERHAPS they should have this responsibility but again noticing that it also reinforced there sense of entitlement and victims syndrome.

    general advice:

    Beware of the pull of emotions. How many times in life have you encountered when you made a decision out of a strong positive or negative feeling and then later realized that it was a mistake? You can make equally harmful mistakes whether the pull was by a positive or negative emotion. The key here is to have complete equanimity no matter what emotion you are experiencing. Allow the emotion to rise and exist without being controlled by it. Make your decision from truth and make use of the emotions.

    Make your decisions based on what actions will bring you closer to your goals. This requires the ability to recognize how emotions can distract and seduce you. Many a times when we act out of an emotion, we actually move ourselves further away from our goals instead of closer. Emotion is feminine energy and it’s the role of the feminine to distract the masculine away from its purpose. Having masculine clarity means sticking to your intent and not let anything distract or lure you away from what you want.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “Champ says: “—trying to find 8 consecutive bars of intelligible english while listening to the carter 3?

      good luck but you knew better. what are you a masochist?”

      damn. i might be

    • Treezy F. Baby

      “Make your decisions based on what actions will bring you closer to your goals. This requires the ability to recognize how emotions can distract and seduce you. Many a times when we act out of an emotion, we actually move ourselves further away from our goals instead of closer. Emotion is feminine energy and it’s the role of the feminine to distract the masculine away from its purpose. Having masculine clarity means sticking to your intent and not let anything distract or lure you away from what you want.”

      This is some superego versus id shit right here…
      I feel like I always try to operate out of “is this furthering my life goals” TOO much…sometimes a girl just wants to have fu-un!

      • genius khan

        have fun then.

  • Miss Patterson

    “3. willingly entering doomed relationships”

    guilty as charged. i’m an ex-rescuer type masochist. i blame this type of behavior on absentee fathers and mothers with low self-esteem. other than that i think i’m just hard-headed. but there’s still hope for me, i burned my cape last year.

    is there a number 4 to this post? because i think it’s quite possible that masochism could extend to the bedroom.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “is there a number 4 to this post? because i think it’s quite possible that masochism could extend to the bedroom.”

      this actually was number 4, but i edited it out

      • Miss Patterson

        can you post it and bleep out the bad words? better yet, post it on the nc-17 site.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          “can you post it and bleep out the bad words? better yet, post it on the nc-17 site.”

          there was a picture i wanted to include that probably would have gotten the site banned from everyone’s workplace internet

      • genius khan

        when it comes to rough sex, im the administer. genuflect.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          i guess i’ll take your word for it.

          • genius khan

            damn did i reply to you Champ. didn’t mean to do that. im laughing though? crazy me.

  • http://www.myspace.com/donteacia Teacia

    Being a self proclaimed masochists, I’m here to tell you:

    We don’t take ur asses seriously! You say stupid shit to sell a record, make a point, or to pump ur chest a little with ur boys and then you melt away behind close doors like the little pussies you are…lol.

    We understand that for the most part our responsibility in this world is to support you for who you are, including all the dumb shit you choose to indulge in for the moment. It goes back to your post 2 weeks ago, we believe in your potential even when you don’t believe in yourselves…we want to believe that although Plies labels his chics with a derogetory term like “bussit baby” that he actually melts when he’s around her and will do any and everything to keep her happy, just like the lyrics claim…lol.

    And to flip it: You take ERRTHING we say seriously, you get your little feelings hurt and you must retort. And you wanna know why huh? Because our voice holds credence, we say what we mean and we mean what we stay, and for the most part we don’t waver on that shit…AND we’re usually right on time with it(like now).

    We don’t respond to the ignorance b/c we ignore it for what it is, blatant ignorance with hot little beat to back it up. You guys lash out in response b/c you actually let what we say and do hurt your feelings b/c you know that our shit is TREAL(trill)!!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “we say what we mean and we mean what we stay, and for the most part we don’t waver on that shit…AND we’re usually right on time with it(like now). ”

      no wonder why i started sneezing when i read this comment. i’m allergic to bullsh*t, and this sentence is worse than a pollen pillow

      • http://Blog-AroundHarlem.com AroundHarlem.com

        “no wonder why i started sneezing when i read this comment. i’m allergic to bullsh*t, and this sentence is worse than a pollen pillow”

        I have to use this one day.

        My favorite bullsh*t comment, especially during initial talks to a man as he tries to impress me (while lying/exaggerating) is to say:

        Please stop because I’m reading through your bulls*t like words on a paper.

        It’s then that they realize I’m not the standard chick that will fall for their nonsense.

        • Treezy F. Baby

          “Please stop because I’m reading through your bulls*t like words on a paper.”

          This has been appropriated for official use by Treezy F. Baby. Please don’t sue me for stealing your sh*t. LOL.

      • http://www.myspace.com/donteacia Teacia

        You have your opinions, I have mine…the basis for my post is still on point, like it or not.

    • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

      Why tolerate ignorance when you don’t have to? Ignorance should only be tolerated when you don’t have a choice, like a new brother-in-law, co-worker, or student in your class. It does not make any sense to me to go out and actively associate myself with someone that at times I must pretend to respect to bolster their ego.

      • http://www.myspace.com/donteacia Teacia

        who said tolerate, i said ignore…there’s a huge difference.

        • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant

          what’s the difference?

          • http://www.myspace.com/donteacia Teacia

            tolerating is rationalizing and then accepting…ignoring is completely dismissing it for what it is.

            • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

              If you are in a relationship with someone and you allow bullshit to go by, you are tolerating it, NOT ignoring it.

              When you have been granted some measure of authority and don’t use it, you are implicitly condoning the behavior.

    • genius khan

      “…self proclaimed masochist.

      you gotta lieve in something why not believe in me. genuflect.

      • http://www.myspace.com/donteacia Teacia

        lol…what are u talking about now genius?

  • http://www.funkyblackchick.com Funkyblackchick

    Personally, I prefer emasculating men.

    • http://www.myspace.com/donteacia Teacia

      As if they need any additional help these days…lol.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “As if they need any additional help these days…lol.”

        expound please

        • http://www.myspace.com/donteacia Teacia

          uhhh, self explanatory…men don’t need women to rape them of their masculinity…the fellas have been a good job without our help.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            “men don’t need women to rape them of their masculinity…the fellas have been a good job without our help”

            so we’ve been raping ourselves? i’m gonna need you to expound further and shit. it’s hot in the burgh today, so excuse me if im a bit slower than usual.

            • http://www.myspace.com/donteacia Teacia

              nope, u’ve been raping one another.

      • http://www.funkyblackchick.com Funkyblackchick

        LOL! You have a point there!

    • genius khan

      genuflect. come here and lemme do your make-up.

    • genius khan

      do you prefer a spanking over a whipping? huh do ya? lol.