Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Lists, Theory & Essay

ms. masochistic (part 2)

(***editors note*** as per a request, the champ has decided to extend yesterdays “ms. masochistic” entry, to include a part he originally edited out)

4. sex

there’s no better, no more literal manifestation of the inherent masochism permeating through a typical woman’s dna than the entire bedroom dynamic. for whatever reason, God built us in a way which insures that the pursuit of pain becomes an integral part of every woman’s sexual journey.

need proof? i’ll give you three reasons

a) sex is where pretty much every woman’s first experience produces more nightmares and scenes of gore and unrelenting pain than “ichi the killer“. need more proof? read these comments (especially the ones about “blood caked sheets” and “blacking out”)

b) sex is where terms such as “breaking backs“, “beating it up”, “putting her to sleep”, “hittin skins”, “piping”, “ovary shifting“, “spine spinning”, “breakin her off”, “blazed”, “beat”, “hit“, “pounded”, “crushed”, “destroyed”, and “kilt” are part of our lexicon. never mind the fact that each of these phrases could accurately describe a particularly hard hitting nfl linebacker during a game (well, all except for “ovary shifting”) and also never mind the fact that the violence in sex is decidedly one-sided. we say all we need to say about the bedroom dynamic by the way we describe what happens there. put it this way: you’d never hear these words coming out of a straight guys mouth while bragging to his boys about some chick he slept with last weekend:

“damn, son. tasha came through and straight mangled my joint all up. seriously, she left my wang like one of them big-ass six flags pretzels. had a ni**a walking with a limp for like three days straight, and it still hurts to pee. i need to get me some more of that!!!!

****seriously, just think about how inherently unfair this one-sidedness is. for instance, i’m somewhere between 6’1 and 6’2 and i weigh some where between 205 and 210 pounds. if a 5’2, 120 pound guy challenged me to a fight, i’d probably just knee him in the nose roll my eyes and walk away because it’s against pretty much every societal more to fight someone you outweigh by almost 100 pounds. yet, i’ve slept with women this size and attempted to and succeeded in doing very, ummm, “violent” things to them in the sack, and this is perfectly acceptable behavior. now, don’t get me wrong…i’m not complaining about this one-sidedness. just making a point. carry on.****

c.) sex is where objects resembling elizabethan era torturing apparatuses…

…are seen by women as undeniable sources of pleasure. i’d expound but, well, i kind of enjoy this site not being banned in workspaces and college comp labs across the country, and i’d like to keep it that way.

can somebody explain this to me, or at least give me a reason other than stringent inherent masochism why this occurs? please…take your time, i’m not going anywhere.

no answer still?

still waiting. i’ll be here all day again though. take your time. ask a friend.

—the champ

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Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • Miss Patterson

    first, i love the fact that i get to read this first because i’m on the west coast. let me start off with a) you must be referring to the graphic comments of your post “The First Time”. It’s totally unfair but I think the pain a woman experiences when losing her virginity is somehow Eve’s fault. The original sin messed us all up, but now that we know that I recommend that all virgins stock up heavily on K-Y jelly.
    b) I like to think of ‘beating it up’ as a term of endearment (lol). No really I think these seemingly ‘violent’ terms just reinforce the gender dynamic in the bedroom. These terms when used properly kind of add to the notion that the guy is owning it…”Me Tarzan, You Jane! Deeper!” Barbaric, yes. A turn on 99.9% of the time. You guys get to ‘lay it down’ because you literally lay-it-down. When it’s done right the pain isn’t experienced ‘in the moment’, it comes the next day, and the next and the…
    And finally…c) Naw dude…that second picture is crazy. To each is own but anything that looks like a chopping block with a drill attached to it is not going anywhere near ‘precious’. (btw, i do not have a name for my thing)

    • http://www.sheliagoss.com/blog Shelia

      I think the pain a woman experiences when losing her virginity is somehow Eve’s fault.

      Yep Ms Patterson, it was Eve’s fault.

      • Cheryl

        that heffatina!

        • http://www.sheliagoss.com/blog Shelia

          Cheryl, I’ll have to use the word “heffatina.”

          • Cheryl

            It really is a lovely word. Please use it and pass it along.

    • genius khan

      Right Patt. (also an airforce base in ohio Wright Patterson) anyway your part b. explains why I and probably many men instinctively lay our smack down the way we do and why some women love it. …also probably why Plies refers to his lil ma ma as wet wet.

    • JBoogie

      “When it’s done right the pain isn’t experienced ‘in the moment’, it comes the next day, and the next and the…”

      EXACTLY. If you feel any pain in the moment, you need to cease and desist immediately, or at least stop him and “guide” him on how to do it right. A little roughness is okay…anything beyond that that could land me in the hospital is NOT…

    • http://www.thecomebackgirl.com TheComebackGirl

      “And finally…c) Naw dude…that second picture is crazy. To each is own but anything that looks like a chopping block with a drill attached to it is not going anywhere near ‘precious’”

      it actually looks like an engineering printer I use a work..

      • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

        Exactly. That’s how us engineers roll. Tall, black, sleek, strong, and innocent looking by day, then turn the lights down and get us into the bedroom and we’ve got you screaming the house down by night :)

        • http://www.thecomebackgirl.com TheComebackGirl

          “Exactly. That’s how us engineers roll. Tall, black, sleek, strong, and innocent looking by day, then turn the lights down …”

          Ummm…yeah ok…its a little bit cumbersome too…and I can find the little cartridges when I need to print shyt…

          • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

            true that, us engineers work best when we’re well fed.

    • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

      I’m not sure how you get to read this first. . . Do you get a phone call minutes before it’s posted?

      • Miss Patterson

        nope…it’s just that by the time this is posted, you east-coasters are already in bed.

        • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

          really. . . I usually goto bed around 3am EST. I can’t remember a new post showing up significantly past midnight.

  • philly2dc

    In reference to #4 part b…I never understood why guys thought it was cool or sexy to talk about or to my vagina in such violent terms ….my vagina has done nothing wrong …she doesn’t need to be “beat up” or “hit”

    • Miss Patterson

      i agree. if the dude sounds like a s*x offender in the bedroom that’s not sexy at all.

    • http://www.sheliagoss.com/blog Shelia

      philly2dc maybe its the “caveman” in them…I don’t know. I have yet to figure that out too.

    • genius khan

      in a very real sense if an objective outside observer saw your sexual escapades, (even the ones you enjoyed) they might very well describe the actions as hit, beat etc. go figure.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “my vagina has done nothing wrong …she doesn’t need to be “beat up” or “hit””

      this made me laugh aloud for some reason. i almost choked on my bacon and gravy

      • JBoogie

        What…no biscuits? LOL

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          “What…no biscuits? LOL”

          biscuits and catfish was yesterday

  • Miss Patterson

    Btw Champ it’s not like women seek out men to make them bow-legged, i think that nature is just screwed that way. Males & Females are totally disproportionate when it comes to sex and body size and body types they’re are respectively attracted to. Ideally, if a woman is 5’2″ , 120 lbs she should be having sex with someone who is built like Pharrell not Suge Knight so as to avoid pulling tender groin muscles. (i’m talking about a man’s hip size fitting in between her legs) But if you can’t avoid that sort of thing…there are some pelvic exercises out there to help you stretch your um… ‘wing span’. However, if it feels like he’s injuring another tender muscle down there…well then you need to move on.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “Btw Champ it’s not like women seek out men to make them bow-legged”

      hmmm. i beg to differ. i bet there will be a least 3 or 4 women commenting today who say thet do exactly that

    • http://www.myspace.com/datfya BigBuck

      “Btw Champ it’s not like women seek out men to make them bow-legged”

      I have actually been propositioned by several different women in the last 8 years or so to carry out that exact procedure. So i believe that it is very common for women to desire the kind of treatment it would take to actually create the bow-leggedness. But then again I assume that any woman who signs up to have sex with me must want to be bow-legged by default. When you are 6’5″ and 350 pounds, the back breaking is implied.

  • Leila

    “sex is where terms such as “breaking backs“, “beating it up”, “putting her to sleep”, “hittin skins”, “piping”, “ovary shifting“, “spine spinning”, “breakin her off”, “blazed”, “beat”, “hit“, “pounded”, “crushed”, “destroyed”, and “kilt” are part of our lexicon”

    I’ve never thought of it that way, but yeah you’re right there is a lot of violent terms associated with it. I can’t think of any equivalents for men.

    As for the first time, it’s different for everyone. I didn’t experience pain, but I think it was because I was a gymnast growing up. After reading this post (“blood caked sheets” and “blacking out”), I’m glad that I didn’t….

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “I didn’t experience pain, but I think it was because I was a gymnast growing up.”

      gymnasts are fun. thats all i’m going to say about that

  • http://www.sheliagoss.com/blog Shelia

    The first time having sex might not be painful or just painful physically but emotionally. Many young women have given up their virginity to a guy and later regretted when the dude dumped them or ignored them. I think that pain is worse than the initial physical pain. That sort of pain will mess a girl up for some time.

  • http://starkept.blogspot.com Suga&Spice

    sex is where terms such as “breaking backs“, “beating it up”, “putting her to sleep”, “hittin skins”, “piping”, “ovary shifting“, “spine spinning”, “breakin her off”, “blazed”, “beat”, “hit“, “pounded”, “crushed”, “destroyed”, and “kilt” are part of our lexicon.

    These terms are typically used by men not women. You will be hard pressed to find a woman who refers to her last encounter in one of these terms. Men use these terms, so wouldnt this speak more to men being sadists?

    • genius khan

      its about who enjoys it. perhaps they both are but the one receiving the pain certainly is.

      e.g.
      “guess there’s 2 sides to what substance abuse is.” Jigga- Mayne

    • Leila

      I’ve heard women use those terms as well, but not as much as men.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      this is true, in theory, but i’ve known women to use that imagery almost as often as we do, especially when refering to the change in, ummmm, “walking patterns”

      • http://www.sheliagoss.com/blog Shelia

        Men mostly use those terms, but I do have to agree with you Champ about us referring to “walking patterns” sometimes.

        • genius khan

          “…walking patterns.” decscribed by genius khan as Cro-Magnon, Rampithecus. like, the 1st person in your family to walk upright? LOL!!!

    • Ana B

      GUILTY on at least 6 counts

  • genius khan

    im f***ed is what my lady friend likes to report. “i am properly f***ed” is what she says on the phone to Monica or whomever. evidently Monica wants/gets the play by play, because when i see her theres’ a s***t eating grin on her face and apparently she can barely speak to me as they skulk off like the first persons in their family to walk upright, giggling like hyenas on the serengetti.

    im not sure if all of the physicality G.K. admininsters, painful or no, is masochism (and i’m not sayin it aint) well ok maybe it is but i’m feeling like if in no other arena (sex) its more NATURAL for masochism with the ladies to be a part of the coital goings on. whoever 1st said that there is a thin line between pleasure and pain said it right.

    look to the rest of the animal world and you’ll see many who fight and in some cases draw blood, and that’s just foreplay. there is something about nature and sex that just oozes dominance agression and submission. (interchangeably speaking) theres bitting, ramming, slamming, kicking fighting etc. you get the point.

    now, im every bit of 75 inches. (tall, in body height, and thats 6 feet 3 inches for the mathematically handicapped) and i can report that big things do sometimes come in little packages. now just because a woman can birth a butterball that weighs in some cases 7 & 8 pounds doesn’t mean that she wants that experience everytime she has sex. (…and then there’s those who do)

    yes. many women are masochist when it cums to sex. why i gently put my hands on a women the other day and she wated to play choke and poke and i aint mad at her.

    this has been genius khan reporting for vsb, back to you Champster.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      choke and poke?

      • http://starkept.blogspot.com Suga&Spice

        choke & poke.

        I am ashamed to admit I know exactly what this is and can speak from experience. Ahhh damnit, VSB, I admit it. I may have a little masochistic in me.

        • genius khan

          hi there. would that sugar be brown? and just what kind of spice are you made of? do tell? saffron, nutmeg perhaps?

          ya know, i also know some chix that love to tussell and wrestle. ut’s kinda invigoratting. ever did such?

        • http://www.myspace.com/Elendak Elenda

          I, too, am a repeat offender of choke and poke. Like Lauren Hill says “when it hurts so bad why’s it feels so good?”

          LOL!

      • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant

        I can’t do full on choking but a hand around the neck does give it a little something extra.

        • Miss Patterson

          although i think choking a person is downright s&m, but there is scientific proof to show that choking does induce orgasms during sex. i swear i learned this in a history class.

          • panamajackson

            Um…what the f*ck kind of history class were you taking?

            My guitar gently weeps for education in this country.

            Unless you were taking a sexual history class in which case…party on.

            • Miss Patterson

              no, it was an African American history class. We were studying lynching and (cue debby downer music) “it” happened when our ancestors were lynched. i think i just single-handedly killed the sex mood in here. dang. i’m gonna go to the corner now.

          • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

            It doesn’t induce them but instead heightens the experience as your oxygen deprived body fights for life.

            Go ahead, let somebody choke you (w/o sex), you’ll notice how time seems to move slower, you are more alert, vision clearer, hearing acuter, sense of touch more sensitive.

            Endorphins are a powerful drug.

            • Treezy F. Baby

              :::jots this down and puts this one on her to-do list::: Smile.

    • JBoogie

      “there is something about nature and sex that just oozes dominance agression and submission. (interchangeably speaking) theres bitting, ramming, slamming, kicking fighting etc. you get the point. ”

      And since humans are nothing more than animals who can THINK logically, it should follow that some of us might like ‘aggressive’ foreplay. I personally do…

      • genius khan

        J Boogz just for the record would you be male or female?

        • Jess

          lmao genius are you running game in a comments section?

          *sprays you with the water hose*

          GET!

          • genius khan

            *sprays you with the water hose*

            GET!

            LMAOu so stupid!

            i know u like it though.

          • Ana B

            sheeeeeet after reading his comment someone needs to hose me down, or maybe its just the HOT ass commuter train I was on…

            • genius khan

              u make it hotter jus saying that shit. (gritting my teeth) facing you, closer than close, reaching under your left arm to the back of your head and with my right hand locking my fingers in the hair on the back of your head pulling your head back to expose your neck to my lips and then my bite. explicit language ensues. never letting go of your hair, my left hand moves up your thigh to your stomach approaching your right breast. next time i hope you wear a dress for me.

            • Ana B

              um yeah um yeah….it just got hotter in here. damn I got to take another shower.

        • JBoogie

          LOL…I’m female…

      • http://www.myspace.com/datfya BigBuck

        I like to play rough sometimes but noone wants to play with me. (The dark side of being about the size of an American Black Bear)

        • Ana B

          i like big black bears…

          sorry its the heat or maybe not

  • http://www.thecomebackgirl.com TheComebackGirl

    I don’t ever remember having painful sex, even my first time, I think your body is kind supposed to be your guide: if there’s pain why would you partake?

    I guess that goes back to women wanting unavailable men…just why?

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “I guess that goes back to women wanting unavailable men…just why?”

      future vsb.com topic…what unavailable means

    • http://www.sheliagoss.com/blog Shelia

      if there’s pain why would you partake?

      Exactly. Once sexually active, why participate in sexual acts you don’t like or that cause you pain just to please your partner. Shouldn’t both partners get enjoyment out of it?

  • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant

    “sex is where terms such as “breaking backs“, “beating it up”, “putting her to sleep”, “hittin skins”, “piping”, “ovary shifting“, “spine spinning”, “breakin her off”, “blazed”, “beat”, “hit“, “pounded”, “crushed”, “destroyed”, and “kilt” are part of our lexicon.”

    For those of you who read “and shit”, Pearl Cleage talks about this in her book “Deals With The Devil And Other Reasons To Riot”… It’s a good read ‘specially for the ladies.

    And yes if you are a believer, it is Eve’s fault for eating that damned fruit. Funny, I was just reading Genesis last night (getting ready to post a new topic @ insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com) and it’s possible that the masochism was punishment – “You will bring forth your children in pain, yet you will desire your husband.” Gen. 3:16

    • genius khan

      hmmmm in scre scring.

    • Miss Patterson

      i read this too- “Deals With The Devil And Other Reasons To Riot”…good collection of essays by Cleage. & I agree Deviant the ladies (and men) should read this esp. the essay regarding her intolerance for violence against women.

  • Cheryl

    I can’t disagree. I can’t refute.

    There are times when I like it nice and gentle – and then after those few moments I want it rough and hard.

    I’ve have told my man … “I’m a big girl, HURT ME EMEFFER!”

    I want something sore the next day to have a physical reminder of how dude put it down. And if the sex wasn’t up to standards, at least give me a physical reminder of why I won’t sleep with him again. Not really but really.

    I do have to say, however all those apparatuses (I looked that up to make sure it was the correct plural form) aren’t for Cheryl. I have a high threshold for pain, but there is no need to break out torture techniques n stuff.

    SO … *whew* its warm in here.

    • genius khan

      Cheryl says: “I want something sore the next day to have a physical reminder of how dude put it down. And if the sex wasn’t up to standards, at least give me a physical reminder of why I won’t sleep with him again. Not really but really.”

      i was just commenting on this the other day. hmmmm.

      “SO … *whew* its warm in here.”

      id snatch a fraggle knackle knot in ur ace. rip shit out the frame. push me again girl. put you in a figure 8 sleeper. shut up, shut up. heh heh heh.
      no really, just playin but for real though. shut up.

      hello Cheryl. im the answer to; what’s really good?

      • Cheryl

        Hi hun.

        throw in a whispered “nasty lil beetch” and I might need to go on home for the day.

        • genius khan

          heh heh heh. yall sure know how to play. i can appreciate that. ima have to make a call here in a minute my dam self.

    • JBoogie

      LOL…Some of my fondest memories are those of exes who could put it down…we’d BOTH be sore the next day…and I’ve never forgotten them. Those that couldn’t…um, yeah, they didn’t make the top 5 list…

      • Miss Patterson

        i’m with you on that. but i still ask myself ‘why?’ why we keep going back for more? it’s like a rigorous workout with better flashbacks that leaves you walking like your grandma after her first hip surgery and yet there you are two days later at the foot of his bed ready for round 2. hmmmm…