Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Lists, Theory & Essay

ms. masochistic (part 2)

(***editors note*** as per a request, the champ has decided to extend yesterdays “ms. masochistic” entry, to include a part he originally edited out)

4. sex

there’s no better, no more literal manifestation of the inherent masochism permeating through a typical woman’s dna than the entire bedroom dynamic. for whatever reason, God built us in a way which insures that the pursuit of pain becomes an integral part of every woman’s sexual journey.

need proof? i’ll give you three reasons

a) sex is where pretty much every woman’s first experience produces more nightmares and scenes of gore and unrelenting pain than “ichi the killer“. need more proof? read these comments (especially the ones about “blood caked sheets” and “blacking out”)

b) sex is where terms such as “breaking backs“, “beating it up”, “putting her to sleep”, “hittin skins”, “piping”, “ovary shifting“, “spine spinning”, “breakin her off”, “blazed”, “beat”, “hit“, “pounded”, “crushed”, “destroyed”, and “kilt” are part of our lexicon. never mind the fact that each of these phrases could accurately describe a particularly hard hitting nfl linebacker during a game (well, all except for “ovary shifting”) and also never mind the fact that the violence in sex is decidedly one-sided. we say all we need to say about the bedroom dynamic by the way we describe what happens there. put it this way: you’d never hear these words coming out of a straight guys mouth while bragging to his boys about some chick he slept with last weekend:

“damn, son. tasha came through and straight mangled my joint all up. seriously, she left my wang like one of them big-ass six flags pretzels. had a ni**a walking with a limp for like three days straight, and it still hurts to pee. i need to get me some more of that!!!!

****seriously, just think about how inherently unfair this one-sidedness is. for instance, i’m somewhere between 6’1 and 6’2 and i weigh some where between 205 and 210 pounds. if a 5’2, 120 pound guy challenged me to a fight, i’d probably just knee him in the nose roll my eyes and walk away because it’s against pretty much every societal more to fight someone you outweigh by almost 100 pounds. yet, i’ve slept with women this size and attempted to and succeeded in doing very, ummm, “violent” things to them in the sack, and this is perfectly acceptable behavior. now, don’t get me wrong…i’m not complaining about this one-sidedness. just making a point. carry on.****

c.) sex is where objects resembling elizabethan era torturing apparatuses…

…are seen by women as undeniable sources of pleasure. i’d expound but, well, i kind of enjoy this site not being banned in workspaces and college comp labs across the country, and i’d like to keep it that way.

can somebody explain this to me, or at least give me a reason other than stringent inherent masochism why this occurs? please…take your time, i’m not going anywhere.

no answer still?

still waiting. i’ll be here all day again though. take your time. ask a friend.

—the champ

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Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

Previously

ms. masochistic

  • Miss Patterson

    first, i love the fact that i get to read this first because i’m on the west coast. let me start off with a) you must be referring to the graphic comments of your post “The First Time”. It’s totally unfair but I think the pain a woman experiences when losing her virginity is somehow Eve’s fault. The original sin messed us all up, but now that we know that I recommend that all virgins stock up heavily on K-Y jelly.
    b) I like to think of ‘beating it up’ as a term of endearment (lol). No really I think these seemingly ‘violent’ terms just reinforce the gender dynamic in the bedroom. These terms when used properly kind of add to the notion that the guy is owning it…”Me Tarzan, You Jane! Deeper!” Barbaric, yes. A turn on 99.9% of the time. You guys get to ‘lay it down’ because you literally lay-it-down. When it’s done right the pain isn’t experienced ‘in the moment’, it comes the next day, and the next and the…
    And finally…c) Naw dude…that second picture is crazy. To each is own but anything that looks like a chopping block with a drill attached to it is not going anywhere near ‘precious’. (btw, i do not have a name for my thing)

    • http://www.sheliagoss.com/blog Shelia

      I think the pain a woman experiences when losing her virginity is somehow Eve’s fault.

      Yep Ms Patterson, it was Eve’s fault.

      • Cheryl

        that heffatina!

        • http://www.sheliagoss.com/blog Shelia

          Cheryl, I’ll have to use the word “heffatina.”

          • Cheryl

            It really is a lovely word. Please use it and pass it along.

          • Cheryl

            It really is a lovely word. Please use it and pass it along.

        • http://www.sheliagoss.com/blog Shelia

          Cheryl, I’ll have to use the word “heffatina.”

      • Cheryl

        that heffatina!

    • http://www.sheliagoss.com/blog Shelia

      I think the pain a woman experiences when losing her virginity is somehow Eve’s fault.

      Yep Ms Patterson, it was Eve’s fault.

    • genius khan

      Right Patt. (also an airforce base in ohio Wright Patterson) anyway your part b. explains why I and probably many men instinctively lay our smack down the way we do and why some women love it. …also probably why Plies refers to his lil ma ma as wet wet.

    • genius khan

      Right Patt. (also an airforce base in ohio Wright Patterson) anyway your part b. explains why I and probably many men instinctively lay our smack down the way we do and why some women love it. …also probably why Plies refers to his lil ma ma as wet wet.

    • JBoogie

      “When it’s done right the pain isn’t experienced ‘in the moment’, it comes the next day, and the next and the…”

      EXACTLY. If you feel any pain in the moment, you need to cease and desist immediately, or at least stop him and “guide” him on how to do it right. A little roughness is okay…anything beyond that that could land me in the hospital is NOT…

    • JBoogie

      “When it’s done right the pain isn’t experienced ‘in the moment’, it comes the next day, and the next and the…”

      EXACTLY. If you feel any pain in the moment, you need to cease and desist immediately, or at least stop him and “guide” him on how to do it right. A little roughness is okay…anything beyond that that could land me in the hospital is NOT…

    • http://www.thecomebackgirl.com TheComebackGirl

      “And finally…c) Naw dude…that second picture is crazy. To each is own but anything that looks like a chopping block with a drill attached to it is not going anywhere near ‘precious’”

      it actually looks like an engineering printer I use a work..

      • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

        Exactly. That’s how us engineers roll. Tall, black, sleek, strong, and innocent looking by day, then turn the lights down and get us into the bedroom and we’ve got you screaming the house down by night :)

        • http://www.thecomebackgirl.com TheComebackGirl

          “Exactly. That’s how us engineers roll. Tall, black, sleek, strong, and innocent looking by day, then turn the lights down …”

          Ummm…yeah ok…its a little bit cumbersome too…and I can find the little cartridges when I need to print shyt…

          • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

            true that, us engineers work best when we’re well fed.

          • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

            true that, us engineers work best when we’re well fed.

        • http://www.thecomebackgirl.com TheComebackGirl

          “Exactly. That’s how us engineers roll. Tall, black, sleek, strong, and innocent looking by day, then turn the lights down …”

          Ummm…yeah ok…its a little bit cumbersome too…and I can find the little cartridges when I need to print shyt…

      • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

        Exactly. That’s how us engineers roll. Tall, black, sleek, strong, and innocent looking by day, then turn the lights down and get us into the bedroom and we’ve got you screaming the house down by night :)

    • http://www.thecomebackgirl.com TheComebackGirl

      “And finally…c) Naw dude…that second picture is crazy. To each is own but anything that looks like a chopping block with a drill attached to it is not going anywhere near ‘precious’”

      it actually looks like an engineering printer I use a work..

    • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

      I’m not sure how you get to read this first. . . Do you get a phone call minutes before it’s posted?

      • Miss Patterson

        nope…it’s just that by the time this is posted, you east-coasters are already in bed.

        • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

          really. . . I usually goto bed around 3am EST. I can’t remember a new post showing up significantly past midnight.

        • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

          really. . . I usually goto bed around 3am EST. I can’t remember a new post showing up significantly past midnight.

      • Miss Patterson

        nope…it’s just that by the time this is posted, you east-coasters are already in bed.

    • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

      I’m not sure how you get to read this first. . . Do you get a phone call minutes before it’s posted?

  • Miss Patterson

    first, i love the fact that i get to read this first because i’m on the west coast. let me start off with a) you must be referring to the graphic comments of your post “The First Time”. It’s totally unfair but I think the pain a woman experiences when losing her virginity is somehow Eve’s fault. The original sin messed us all up, but now that we know that I recommend that all virgins stock up heavily on K-Y jelly.
    b) I like to think of ‘beating it up’ as a term of endearment (lol). No really I think these seemingly ‘violent’ terms just reinforce the gender dynamic in the bedroom. These terms when used properly kind of add to the notion that the guy is owning it…”Me Tarzan, You Jane! Deeper!” Barbaric, yes. A turn on 99.9% of the time. You guys get to ‘lay it down’ because you literally lay-it-down. When it’s done right the pain isn’t experienced ‘in the moment’, it comes the next day, and the next and the…
    And finally…c) Naw dude…that second picture is crazy. To each is own but anything that looks like a chopping block with a drill attached to it is not going anywhere near ‘precious’. (btw, i do not have a name for my thing)

  • philly2dc

    In reference to #4 part b…I never understood why guys thought it was cool or sexy to talk about or to my vagina in such violent terms ….my vagina has done nothing wrong …she doesn’t need to be “beat up” or “hit”

    • Miss Patterson

      i agree. if the dude sounds like a s*x offender in the bedroom that’s not sexy at all.

    • Miss Patterson

      i agree. if the dude sounds like a s*x offender in the bedroom that’s not sexy at all.

    • http://www.sheliagoss.com/blog Shelia

      philly2dc maybe its the “caveman” in them…I don’t know. I have yet to figure that out too.

    • http://www.sheliagoss.com/blog Shelia

      philly2dc maybe its the “caveman” in them…I don’t know. I have yet to figure that out too.

    • genius khan

      in a very real sense if an objective outside observer saw your sexual escapades, (even the ones you enjoyed) they might very well describe the actions as hit, beat etc. go figure.

    • genius khan

      in a very real sense if an objective outside observer saw your sexual escapades, (even the ones you enjoyed) they might very well describe the actions as hit, beat etc. go figure.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “my vagina has done nothing wrong …she doesn’t need to be “beat up” or “hit””

      this made me laugh aloud for some reason. i almost choked on my bacon and gravy

      • JBoogie

        What…no biscuits? LOL

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          “What…no biscuits? LOL”

          biscuits and catfish was yesterday

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          “What…no biscuits? LOL”

          biscuits and catfish was yesterday

      • JBoogie

        What…no biscuits? LOL

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “my vagina has done nothing wrong …she doesn’t need to be “beat up” or “hit””

      this made me laugh aloud for some reason. i almost choked on my bacon and gravy

  • philly2dc

    In reference to #4 part b…I never understood why guys thought it was cool or sexy to talk about or to my vagina in such violent terms ….my vagina has done nothing wrong …she doesn’t need to be “beat up” or “hit”

  • Miss Patterson

    Btw Champ it’s not like women seek out men to make them bow-legged, i think that nature is just screwed that way. Males & Females are totally disproportionate when it comes to sex and body size and body types they’re are respectively attracted to. Ideally, if a woman is 5’2″ , 120 lbs she should be having sex with someone who is built like Pharrell not Suge Knight so as to avoid pulling tender groin muscles. (i’m talking about a man’s hip size fitting in between her legs) But if you can’t avoid that sort of thing…there are some pelvic exercises out there to help you stretch your um… ‘wing span’. However, if it feels like he’s injuring another tender muscle down there…well then you need to move on.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “Btw Champ it’s not like women seek out men to make them bow-legged”

      hmmm. i beg to differ. i bet there will be a least 3 or 4 women commenting today who say thet do exactly that

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “Btw Champ it’s not like women seek out men to make them bow-legged”

      hmmm. i beg to differ. i bet there will be a least 3 or 4 women commenting today who say thet do exactly that

    • http://www.myspace.com/datfya BigBuck

      “Btw Champ it’s not like women seek out men to make them bow-legged”

      I have actually been propositioned by several different women in the last 8 years or so to carry out that exact procedure. So i believe that it is very common for women to desire the kind of treatment it would take to actually create the bow-leggedness. But then again I assume that any woman who signs up to have sex with me must want to be bow-legged by default. When you are 6’5″ and 350 pounds, the back breaking is implied.

    • http://www.myspace.com/datfya BigBuck

      “Btw Champ it’s not like women seek out men to make them bow-legged”

      I have actually been propositioned by several different women in the last 8 years or so to carry out that exact procedure. So i believe that it is very common for women to desire the kind of treatment it would take to actually create the bow-leggedness. But then again I assume that any woman who signs up to have sex with me must want to be bow-legged by default. When you are 6’5″ and 350 pounds, the back breaking is implied.

  • Miss Patterson

    Btw Champ it’s not like women seek out men to make them bow-legged, i think that nature is just screwed that way. Males & Females are totally disproportionate when it comes to sex and body size and body types they’re are respectively attracted to. Ideally, if a woman is 5’2″ , 120 lbs she should be having sex with someone who is built like Pharrell not Suge Knight so as to avoid pulling tender groin muscles. (i’m talking about a man’s hip size fitting in between her legs) But if you can’t avoid that sort of thing…there are some pelvic exercises out there to help you stretch your um… ‘wing span’. However, if it feels like he’s injuring another tender muscle down there…well then you need to move on.

  • Leila

    “sex is where terms such as “breaking backs“, “beating it up”, “putting her to sleep”, “hittin skins”, “piping”, “ovary shifting“, “spine spinning”, “breakin her off”, “blazed”, “beat”, “hit“, “pounded”, “crushed”, “destroyed”, and “kilt” are part of our lexicon”

    I’ve never thought of it that way, but yeah you’re right there is a lot of violent terms associated with it. I can’t think of any equivalents for men.

    As for the first time, it’s different for everyone. I didn’t experience pain, but I think it was because I was a gymnast growing up. After reading this post (“blood caked sheets” and “blacking out”), I’m glad that I didn’t….

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “I didn’t experience pain, but I think it was because I was a gymnast growing up.”

      gymnasts are fun. thats all i’m going to say about that

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “I didn’t experience pain, but I think it was because I was a gymnast growing up.”

      gymnasts are fun. thats all i’m going to say about that

  • Leila

    “sex is where terms such as “breaking backs“, “beating it up”, “putting her to sleep”, “hittin skins”, “piping”, “ovary shifting“, “spine spinning”, “breakin her off”, “blazed”, “beat”, “hit“, “pounded”, “crushed”, “destroyed”, and “kilt” are part of our lexicon”

    I’ve never thought of it that way, but yeah you’re right there is a lot of violent terms associated with it. I can’t think of any equivalents for men.

    As for the first time, it’s different for everyone. I didn’t experience pain, but I think it was because I was a gymnast growing up. After reading this post (“blood caked sheets” and “blacking out”), I’m glad that I didn’t….

  • http://www.sheliagoss.com/blog Shelia

    The first time having sex might not be painful or just painful physically but emotionally. Many young women have given up their virginity to a guy and later regretted when the dude dumped them or ignored them. I think that pain is worse than the initial physical pain. That sort of pain will mess a girl up for some time.

  • http://www.sheliagoss.com/blog Shelia

    The first time having sex might not be painful or just painful physically but emotionally. Many young women have given up their virginity to a guy and later regretted when the dude dumped them or ignored them. I think that pain is worse than the initial physical pain. That sort of pain will mess a girl up for some time.

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