(***editors note*** as per a request, the champ has decided to extend yesterdays “ms. masochistic” entry, to include a part he originally edited out)
4. sex
there’s no better, no more literal manifestation of the inherent masochism permeating through a typical woman’s dna than the entire bedroom dynamic. for whatever reason, God built us in a way which insures that the pursuit of pain becomes an integral part of every woman’s sexual journey.
need proof? i’ll give you three reasons
a) sex is where pretty much every woman’s first experience produces more nightmares and scenes of gore and unrelenting pain than “ichi the killer“. need more proof? read these comments (especially the ones about “blood caked sheets” and “blacking out”)
b) sex is where terms such as “breaking backs“, “beating it up”, “putting her to sleep”, “hittin skins”, “piping”, “ovary shifting“, “spine spinning”, “breakin her off”, “blazed”, “beat”, “hit“, “pounded”, “crushed”, “destroyed”, and “kilt” are part of our lexicon. never mind the fact that each of these phrases could accurately describe a particularly hard hitting nfl linebacker during a game (well, all except for “ovary shifting”) and also never mind the fact that the violence in sex is decidedly one-sided. we say all we need to say about the bedroom dynamic by the way we describe what happens there. put it this way: you’d never hear these words coming out of a straight guys mouth while bragging to his boys about some chick he slept with last weekend:
“damn, son. tasha came through and straight mangled my joint all up. seriously, she left my wang like one of them big-ass six flags pretzels. had a ni**a walking with a limp for like three days straight, and it still hurts to pee. i need to get me some more of that!!!!
****seriously, just think about how inherently unfair this one-sidedness is. for instance, i’m somewhere between 6’1 and 6’2 and i weigh some where between 205 and 210 pounds. if a 5’2, 120 pound guy challenged me to a fight, i’d probably just knee him in the nose roll my eyes and walk away because it’s against pretty much every societal more to fight someone you outweigh by almost 100 pounds. yet, i’ve slept with women this size and attempted to and succeeded in doing very, ummm, “violent” things to them in the sack, and this is perfectly acceptable behavior. now, don’t get me wrong…i’m not complaining about this one-sidedness. just making a point. carry on.****
c.) sex is where objects resembling elizabethan era torturing apparatuses…
…are seen by women as undeniable sources of pleasure. i’d expound but, well, i kind of enjoy this site not being banned in workspaces and college comp labs across the country, and i’d like to keep it that way.
can somebody explain this to me, or at least give me a reason other than stringent inherent masochism why this occurs? please…take your time, i’m not going anywhere.
no answer still?
still waiting. i’ll be here all day again though. take your time. ask a friend.
—the champ