This is what male friends get their other friends into. It's how we show we care, ladies!
Perhaps understand is a strong word, but here we go now, holler if you here me though come and feel me flow.
Ahem.
I think it’s fairly safe to state that men and women will never truly understand one another. We can all agree on that right? Good. However, that won’t stop all of us from trying to gain some sort of competitive advantage in order to best navigate the murky waters of the heart. Obviously, women will spend beaucoup dinero trying to figure out men…or at least until they find a man and get married. I actually wonder if women care as much about this sh*t after they end up married. Luckily, something like 163 percent of Black women will never end up married – statistically speaking, that is. I may or may not have made that up.
And I don’t think men really care that much. But let’s assume that we all care and want to figure each other out from a sincere and earnest place. Now picture Earnest going to jail. Thank you.
Movies are a great source of nutrition and protein.And they’re also a great way to learn about men (or women). There are a few movies that I think do a good job of accurately showcasing the types of conversations we have and the way we really think about situations we find ourselves in. Such as?
Such as.
1. 40-Year Old Virgin
Are men’s methods largely misguided a lot? Absolutely. But do most of our misguidances come from a well intentioned place? Of course. Are our conversations ridiculous? Mmhmm. Do we tend to overfocus on the tang? Yep. But isn’t the pursuit of happiness in the Magna Carta? Maybe. Point is, this movie perfectly illustrates true friendship and wanting to see your boys happy. Which is largely how most men live our lives. We just want happiness. By the way, this (and every other conversation in this movie is as real as it gets ladies…yes, this really happens).
Cal: Here’s what you do. You tell her you’re a virgin. You test her with this sh8*t, okay? Here, tell me. Tell me. This is how it’s gonna go. Tell me.
Andy Stitzer: I’m a virgin.
Cal: Sweet! I like that because I know you don’t have… chlamydia. I *know* that. I mean, that sh*t is everywhere.
2. The Wood
The Wood is one of my favorite movies. I related so hard to this movie that every time it goes off I get sad that they didn’t keep going thru the rest of their lives. Here’s how men’s friends really do work. There’s always the one who thinks he’s the pimp. Always. Then you got the one who always plays the mediator and stays level-headed…or tries too. Then you definitely always have the loud mouthed funny one. If there are 3 or 76 dudes who call themselves friends, you’re going to get some iteration of all three over and over again. And yes, 90 percent of us bet on our virginity. I mean, wait, none of us ever did that. We’d never.
3. The Lion King
Most of our daddies are absentee like a motherf*cker. And we’re all running from something. It hurts. I mean, I know my daddy. So it doesn’t hurt me so much. But I can’t lie, I’d be mad as hell if his brother threw him off a ledge then came up in my house and ate my food and drank my wine. And Nala was kind of banging in a lion next door kind of way. I think that’s who Musiq was singing about in Just Friends, Buddy, Homey, Chickfriend, Can’t Marry You Cuz You My Friend But I’d Smang, and Pal.
4. The Best Man
Really, the worst offense you can commit as a friend is to bang the homey’s girl. The Best Man got all the convos right. The hotel scene where they’re talkign about Harper’s women situation was so on point it was scary. Plus…getting damn near thrown off a roof is pretty much a rite of passage in the life of a man. It happened to me just twice this weekend. But back to banging the homey’s girl. Ladies if you ever over hear a convo between two dudes and one says, “yo, I wouldn’t even sleep with your girl man…” you know they are real friends. Just ask Nicky Barnes.
5. Taken
As I watched Taken for the first time, I found myself getting so emotionally invested. They took his kid. His daughter. You do NOT mess with a man’s family. This movie illustrates the mentality of man who’s got a singular purpose and is willing to die for it. For many men, our family becomes that. Extended family, cousins, and ninjas who only ask for money though don’t get that treatment. See also: Man On Fire. The lesson here? If you take white girls, you will get dealt with.
Alright, those are a few movies that help women see a man’s mentality and/or how we talk and operate fairly accurately. What are others though? Let’s help the ladies out.
And ladies…what are some movies men should watch if we want to understand women? And please refrain from mentioning The Notebook. We know…and we hate it.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka CINEMA JACKSON aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3
So…According to list, I’m about 80% closer to completely understanding men. Sweet.
*edit*
this list
Damn typos…
I completely understand men then. *pats self on back*
+1
And as a result of all I know, I’m numb. I don’t think I can passionately feel any kind of way about all of the characterstically male whatever-isms.
yeah, I think it was Lion King that really made men make sense to me. It’s all about the circle of life. hakuna matata.
Me and you are >–< on this. I have seen all of the movies and I definitely can see why each of them may give insight into how men's minds work.
Oh…that and if I had a man who would do what Liam Nesson did in Taken for our kid o_0 I'd never be able to leave the house cuz I'd pay him for life in…well, you can figure the rest out
Nice to see you back TAC.
Aw shucks…*e-blush*
and in this world…80 percent is really all you can ask for.
Well, like you, I was very inspired by TAKEN. So much of the information was accurate, which is a trademark of Luc Besson, who also consulted on La Femme Nikita (the Peta Wilson version.) I saw it with friends, but the next week, I took my daughter to see it, and was very gratified when she muttered, “Stupid girl, why are you giving this dude that you’ve just met so much information?” My girl!
While I loved the story, and cried at its ending, I wanted one where the girl, somehow rescues herself. I did my research, visiting sites like CHILDREN OF THE NIGHT and COVENANT HOUSE, and found out that Sex Trafficking happens right here in America, in staggering numbers. That was enough to get me to write LONG PAST DEAD http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0048ELLFC with all the
proceeds going to ChildrenoftheNight.org and Covenant House.
I am very moved by the plight of children, the innocent and the vulnerable. Which is why all my books, like BLOODPACT http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004HO5TJM have a sort of take-no-prisoners, vengeance and vigilante-as-Divine-Justice theme…
Good article…
I just wanna say that as painful processes that we womens go through for you mens, I am PRETTY sure virgin Andy getting his chest waxed was WAY more painful than ANY woman taking her kitty to Brazil. I mean, unless her kitty was more like a Yeti. Which, still, trimming is available.
Where was I? Hell, where’s Waldo? I don’t know either.
I think a good movie to understand women is Aladdin. Take Princess Jasmine… she’s like…a princess and is treated like one, but is independent like a mofo. Women, personified.
“I just wanna say that as painful processes that we womens go through for you mens, I am PRETTY sure virgin Andy getting his chest waxed was WAY more painful than ANY woman taking her kitty to Brazil. I mean, unless her kitty was more like a Yeti. Which, still, trimming is available.”
Cheekie, just… just go, k? Leave my lifespace cause you’re too much like silly *lmao*.
Stay Cheekie STAY!!! LOL Men should (modestly) tend to that area as well.
ahhhh, no
I think a good movie to understand women is Aladdin. Take Princess Jasmine… she’s like…a princess and is treated like one, but is independent like a mofo. Women, personified.
Also, we always think we are going to find a diamond in the rough.
Men want to turn hos into housewives; women want to turn bums into ballers.
I guess we’re all kind of delusional. A good movie to understand people’s attitudes about relationships would be Alice in Wonderland
I guess we’re all kind of delusional. A good movie to understand people’s attitudes about relationships would be Alice in Wonderland
Or Inception. Men and women can project their expectations on potential partners and end up perceiving the projections more than accepting the people for who they really are.
Alice in Wonderland…LOL…really
Alice In Wonderland???
Really???
LOL
you know Aladdin makes perfect sense. come to think of it, i wonder if all disney movies weren’t created to subtley handle world issues.
for instance, princess and the frog proved that black women are either marrying racially ambiguous latino men or animals to be happy. that’s real talk.
Dude, you’re killin me! lmao! Between:
” But I can’t lie, I’d be mad as hell if his brother threw him off a ledge then came up in my house and ate my food and drank my wine. And Nala was kind of banging in a lion next door kind of way”
Lion next door, really? lmfao!
and
” for instance, princess and the frog proved that black women are either marrying racially ambiguous latino men or animals to be happy. that’s real talk.”
hahaha! That was my conclusion of that movie too lol
well just call me murder.
ja rule.
I would say that “waiting to exhale” is a perfect woman’s movie. The good lord knows I just cut all my hair off after my break up and when my friends saw it they said ” oh so u pulled a waiting to exhale?”
Daddy’s Little girls (I know it is VSB blasphemy to mention a Tyler Perry movie) but some of the conversations that the homegirls have about her dating Idris Elba and being below her and what not are conversations many a girlfriend and I have had.
To be honest, I can’t think of any good movies like The Wood that relates to the female experience. I think it would blow men’s minds to find out the stuff that we really talk about when were all together. I think the closest thing my be sex and the city. There are always types like that in girl crews too. The smart one w/men issues that isn’t really perfect(Carrie), the freak(samantha), the goody two shoes w/a freaky side(Charlotte) and the not so cute one that you keep around b/c she is really fun, rich, well-connected, etc(Miranda).
I’d choose Living Single over SATC.
Me too. I think I’m one of possibly 2% of women under 45 that could never get into or really enjoy SATC and I tried really hard.. I watched both movies several times trying to figure out why I couldn’t let go of the feeling that I was watching crap (and spent most of that time wondering why SJP is so homely), I even got mad at a date for talking through it (he hated it) just because I felt like that was what I was supposed to do. And I’m not even gonna get started on the show. I would record it, watch half the episode and give up but would still record it, so I could follow along when my girlfriends talked about it smh. But Girlfriends and Living Single would both be somewhat accurate depictions of the female experience according to me and my female friends
Me too, SATC makes me want to poke my eyeballs out.
It makes me want to poke their eyeballs out. Except for Charlotte. Her I liked.
I liked Charlotte cuz she was very honest about what she wanted but still had fun WHILE maintaining herself as a lady.
She was definitely my fave.
The ONLY time I got into SATC was when Miranda called herself dating Blair Underwood’s character. After that, I wanted to poke my eyeballs out.
” I couldn’t let go of the feeling that I was watching crap”
And you were. You couldn’t let that feeling go because you’re an intelligent individual. My kinda woman. Although I can’t lie. The pic of that Cam Newton looking gentlemen on your avi threw me off. I did a second take when I read the second sentence. I was like, “wait, you mean you’re 1 of 2% of men. lol
Before SATC was ever even thought about, young black women were identifying with the ladies of Living Single. Every crew had a Max, a Regine… you get the idea.
Honestly I think Carrie wasn’t that smart and she lacked ambition. The only thing she cared abt was her relationship to a no good man(Mr. Big) and shoes.
Same here. Carrie’s columns and revelations were pretty d@mn vapid, at least based on the 3 episodes I watched. I think the characters were too exaggerated for me to really connect with.
All this Sex and the city hate, I just can’t! Are you the same ones supporting that Single Ladies’ mess?! Shame.
If you date, you can’t tell me that something in it doesn’t relate personally. It’s genius. Carolinagirl has it right, the characters have balance
Nope, just couldn’t relate, and I do date. I haven’t seen Single Ladies and don’t think I want to.
I was actually going to put Daddy’s Little Girls for one particular scene. The scene where Idris little girls come to his home at like 3am b/c their mama’s man put his hands on one of his girls. That emotion he was showing about feeling helpless b/c he knew he wasnt there to stop somebody from hurting his kid. maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan…that resonated with me so tough. i cant imagine that sh*t and pray fo’ got and three white men that i never do or i can see msyelf doing real jail time.
Top three movies to understand women:
1) bridesmaids
2) Bridesmaids
and……you guessed it
3) BRIDESMAIDS
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I was just about to say that movie lol
I’ve seen all of these… and I still feel as if men are a mystery… or I’m just too lazy to worry about figuring them out… probably the latter.
Perhaps you can’t quite accept what you are seeing as possibly being the deepest explanation for male behavior. Face it, sis, what you see is it. Amazing, I know.
Word, Royale with Cheese. That’s the side of perfect fries that you just served on men being what you see. No mystery.
Personally, I’m partial to “He’s Just Not That Into You.” When dude is trying to talk sense into the main character, there’s so much that she just doesn’t understand. All of her misconceptions are also being reinforced by other women in the movie. They’re all convinced that they have things “figured out” when in reality they’re clueless. Her only saving grace was that she consulted a dude who actually broke straight with her about what was going on in her life.
Them falling in love though? That kind of ruined what otherwise would have been a great movie. Why must there always be a love story? smdh
LOL, I caught a little bit of that this weeked. Ya, it does kinda call women out on the BS we tell each other- although, there was a moment that made me think of VSB.
In the beginning they parodied a women telling her friend “you’re too pretty and too nice and he can’t handle it.” The movie made this seem ridiculous, but I couldn’t help recall the VSBs saying they’ve stopped talking to women who were too perfect for them.
i think it was more like women that they weren’t ready for at the time.
Agreed! Even moreso because in the beginning they tie the fact that girls are raised to believe that when lil boys hit/tease them it is because they like them. Cut to 10 years later and he treats you like ish yet you think he “cares”. Womp!
i’m with you. i thought that was SO poignant. lol.
Yeah, Nessalew is on point. It’s not natural for a guy to treat a chick he respects and adores like a punching bag, but many guys feel like they need to learn how to reverse their natures and do the adult equivalent of hitting/teasing (unless you’re Chris Brown then you just exponentially increase the degree of hitting) in order to be seen sexually/romantically instead of platonically. Excellent points Nessa
Cut to 10 years later and that ninja is boxing…
Yes, given women who stay with abusive men under the belief “but he loves me, he wouldn’t do this if he didn’t love me, he wouldn’t act like this if he didn’t care so much…”
If I ever have a daughter, I’ll teach her that if a boy pulls her hair or hits her, to turn around and sock him hard in the face.
I’m with you on the end of “He’s Not That Into You” i thought that was a great great movie. except what you’re talking about. the fact that dude fell for her didnt seem realistic to me. but eh…small issue in an otherwise great movie.
Co-sign Advent. He kept it real with her, but him falling in love with her had me giving the side eye too. Although I can’t lie, the whole naive but well-intentioned happy-go-lucky chick does appeal to men. It made her attractive in a weird and embarrassing type of way. I believe Robert Greene said it appeals to men’s paternal instincts. Which leads me to my only serious point about this topic. Anybody claiming to want to understand the opposite sex (male or female) from a romantic perspective is just blowing hot air if they haven’t read “The Art of Seduction”. Classic. You won’t be able to put it down, and you will re-read certain sections multiple times…you’re welcome
“Them falling in love though? That kind of ruined what otherwise would have been a great movie. Why must there always be a love story? smdh”
YES! That put me in such a terrible mood! It went completely against the point of the book and turned it into a “well, maybe he is into you after all, and he just doesn’t know it.” ugghhhhh what crap!
4. The Best Man
Really, the worst offense you can commit as a friend is to bang the homey’s girl. The Best Man got all the convos right. The hotel scene where they’re talkign about Harper’s women situation was so on point it was scary. Plus…getting damn near thrown off a roof is pretty much a rite of passage in the life of a man.
Truth. Dirtbags gettin tossed off roofs should be decriminalized….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8S97VSvbBw&feature=related
that scene was so real. they acted the hell out of that joint. down to A Pimp Named Slickback talking Mo’s character out of doing something he’d regret.
Men aren’t all that mysterious to me… weird I know, but they just aren’t. Maybe cause I grew up with more guys then girls so my thinking is a little off. Idk, but I spend more time trying to understand women than I do trying to understand the workings of the male mind. But all of these movies (except Taken, I just couldn’t get into it) are some of my favorite movies
I don’t even try to understand women anymore really. It hurts my brain and sometimes even my soul.
So it’s not just me then?
I sorta feel like I should understand them for the sake of my boys when they get old enough to date and actually ask me for advice but otherwise…meh.
I’m dreading the day when my son starts dating even more than I am with my girls just for the simple fact that I already know I’m gonna find something wrong with any woman he brings home smh
I already think too many girls I’ve seen that are my fourth grader’s age are fast so he’s gonna hate me in a few short years.
women are complicated is good advice for boys
“Fear” applies to pretty much all of the female behavior my dad (divorced and dating) complains to me about regarding relationships gone bad. One emotion, tons of manifestations.
I don’t understand women who say they want one thing but do EVERYTHING they can to ensure that they will never get it…and then get mad when you call them on it and suggest they change that.
Cuz it can NEVER be a woman’s fault as to why she’s on the merry-go-round of love and losing every bit of the way *sarcam*
I love women (I am one after all) but sometimes the logic can have me shaking my head as well.
+1 except I understand them to be deeply insecure and feel unworthy of what they want so they sabotage it and choose all kinds of wrong just so they have an excuse to tell their girlfriends why men aren’t shit and that he’s lost a good woman like herself.
Loving Me is creeping into my top 3 favorite female commenters list. Especially since I thought Taken was ridiculous. Besides the fact that the plot itself was unrealistic, the acting wasn’t even believable, but yeah the rest of the movies he mentioned I liked. And @TAC- Imagine how we (men) feel. Unless you’re homosexual you don’t have to worry about women from a sexual/romantic perspective. Ironically we get the best results when we stop givin a sh*t and just have selfish fun while doing nice things occasionally (they overhype these deeds when they aren’t the norm for some reason) smh @ that species. Still couldn’t live without their crazy *sses though
I don’t think they’re _that_ hard to understand. I think after a year or two of dating, it should be pretty easy… but we’ll see, lol.
This will depend on how the boys evolve and the girls they chose to date evolve. If we all stayed in our lanes and didn’t evolve this dating / marriage stuff would be easy.
meh. I run into men my age who act just like my fathers did at that age and do now. Real evolution doesn’t happen that fast. I think we make it more complicated than it is…
meh. It’s how will the young man handle / react when his current girl / next girl throws him the curve ball with her behavior. morals, beliefs, etc. Guys your age (and my age for that matter) have seen some things and know these experiences will help shape the type of man he will become a.k.a baggage to carry into the next relationship.
you know…i think that the ability to understand one another largely depends on how much personal BS you have going on. and what baggage one brings to the table.
if your baggage is light…i think folks are more open to listening and understanding. if the baggage would cost you 100 bucks at Delta to check…then i think understanding goes out the window. understanding the other person isn’t important…being understood is all that matters, much to the detriment of the relationship.
Exactly!
Umm I sure don’t understand them, all though I have seen all the above mentioned movies several times it does not bring in site on men to me. But good movies none the less…
40 year old virgin shows what happens when you use big words around Kevin Hart.
watch ya mouth, and help him with the sale.
*laughs inside*
I DIE laughing at this scene every. single. time.
“I don’t know what that means, so I’ma take it as disrespect.”
“That’s ya man? Yeah! Yeah, we rep the same Smart Tech.”
*silent laugh at my desk*
don’t be a n*gga, be my n*gga.
“you ever heard of rolling 20s? since i was 16 n*gga. know what i’m saying? frosty. spoon. we f*ck dwarves in the a$$.”
LMAO!! That burst of laughter right there is the one that lets them know that I am NOT getting any work done right now. I’ma holla at ya’ll later.
*Kevin Hart gun cocking hand motion*
todays forecast….dark and cloudy…high chance of driveby.
To understand normal everyday women, watch
- Misadventures of an Awkward Black Girl
- 30 Rock
I can’t think of any good honest depictions of normal women in big screen productions. Women tend to be exaggerated on the silver screen, and sadly, women eat that ish up like cheesecake and chocolate ice cream.
Run far the h3ll away from Eat Love Pray.
Eat Love Pray? Heard that flick was watchable….is it really that bad?
Eat, Pray Love in a nutshell: being a wealthy white woman in America is difficult, which is why she had to sightseeing poor, 3rd world, brown skinned people to reclaim her self esteem
Eat Pray Love. lol. My bad. D@mn movie induces dyslexia.
Oh, and don’t forget that a perfect marriage to the perfect man came too easily to her, so she had to deal with the crisis of not knowing whether she should be happy about it.
My girlfriends and I were just talking about this movie. While black women aren’t flying to Asia in droves to “find themselves” the whole “having it all and it’s still not good enough” stigma runs deep with some sistas… especially the ones with the means to leave said relationship. I hear so often about women who once had their perfect / dream guy but because he wanted “so much” from the relationship, (i.e. kids, commitment, just her friggin’ time) they left because they weren’t happy. Five years later it’s “I should of stayed with ____.”
Sadly, similar situation men don’t leave. They mess around, have outside kids, wake up old one day and run back to ol’ girl that was devoted to them.
Or they end up alone. Nothing sadder than a dude who is old and alone because he didn’t do right by the wife, the children, side kids or even the mistress.
Haha… interestingly enough, my ex sent me an email one day telling me he needed someone to talk to. After all the shyt he’s done and NOW he wants someone to talk to? I wrote him back and said “go talk to your hoe whose picture you sent me.” What an idiot. Ain’t no crossing those bridges that are burnt, demolished, and washed away. Done.
I thought about ABG too except it’s not a movie. I just watched the last few episodes and it is the closest thing to black woman reality I’ve seen in a while and it made me LOL, loud.
it made me LOL too. very well done series.
Eat. Love. Pray.
One of the most self-indulgent pieces of crap I’ve ever attempted to read. 30 pages into the book and I just couldn’t take it anymore. yuck.
I corrected my own post haha see below!
Eat. Pray. Love. *shutters*
One of the most self-indulgent pieces of crap I’ve ever attempted to read. 30 pages into the book and I just couldn’t take it anymore. yuck.