morning sex and more: the 10 coolest things about being in a relationship

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my girlfriend has many great qualities. along with her physical attributes, she’s smart as a whip, she’s legitimately kind-hearted (seriously, i’ve never been with a woman who was a better friend to her friends than she is), and last sunday she even managed to grill a t-bone steak while (almost) completely butt naked.

yet, despite these (and other) prodigious positives, another attribute has slowly risen to the top of the “great things about our relationship” list: the perpetual comic relief provided by our shared netflix account

you see, to say that she and i have different tastes when it comes to movies would be like saying michelle obama and michelle malkin have dissimilar political views. to be honest, what it basically comes down to is that i’m an annoyingly pretentious movie snob and she isn’t an annoyingly pretentious movie snob, and this is particularly evident when it comes to comedies. i’m not quite the asshole who laughs harder at a joke if he thinks he’s the only one who “gets” it, but i am the asshole whose girlfriend refuses to watch certain comedies with him because i apparently put unvoiced “laugh pressure” on her. oh well. i still maintain that something is wrong with you if you can’t laugh at least once while watching an episode of “louie”

mind you, it’s not a complete contrast. in the year since i bought her the account, we’ve found numerous movies and television series that we’ve both enjoyed. (right now, we’re on season five of “lost” and season one of “mad men“) with that being said, you can’t beat the comic relief of looking in your netflix queue and seeing that every movie that robert pattinson has ever been has somehow made into your top 10. seriously, his agent, his momma, and the stalker who’s eventually going to shoot him have to be the only people on earth who’ve seen more movies starring edward cullen in the last 6 months than i have, and at this point i can’t do anything else but laugh.

anyway, the never-ending comic relief of the shared netflix account is definitely one of the 10 coolest things about being in a relationship.

here’s the rest.

1. morning sex

while friends with benefits and jump-offs both have their positives, each of these relationship dynamics come with limitations, and each of these limitations basically ensure that you’ll never have morning sex. since “no overnight stays” can be found on page one of each edition of the abridged friends with benefits handbook, pre-breakfast back-breaking is a no-no. and sh*t, you don’t even want your jump-off to know where you live, so morning sex (and indoor sex) is definitely out.

relationships, though, continue to prove that the folgers people are full of sh*t. put it this way: the best part about waking about definitely aint no f*cking folgers in my cup

2. the endless opportunities to take advantage of the fact that women seem to go gaga for men in relationships

maybe it has something to do with bandwagon attraction. maybe it has to do with the fact that men in relationships (usually) aren’t pressed to impress women, and this gives us a certain aura of “whateverness” when dealing with them, a quality (some) women find attractive. and, maybe women are just masochistic teases. either way, women definitely do seem to regard you in a different light when you’re in a relationship.

now, this this regard isn’t overt. (most) men aren’t going to have women fed-exing their thongs to him as soon as they find out he’s hitched. but, when you’re around, they do seem to flirt a tad bit more, cheese a little cheesier, and speak of/to you in a more wistful manner, all actions that can help you get extra appetizers, better credit, and free sneakers if you play it right.

3. you always have an “out”

caught buying the “true blood” dvd box set at best buy? say you’re getting it for your girl

your annoying-ass “i’m really only cool with your ass because you’re my godbrother” friend wants to go clubbing this weekend? you can’t because you made plans with your girl

your sensitive co-worker baked the sh*ttiest looking cake you’ve ever seen? tell her your girl is planning on making a big dinner and she’ll be mad if you don’t go home with an empty stomach

accidentally let it slip while you’re with your boys that you think t.o. needs to stop playing and just get with kita? say your girl makes you watch the show

the possibilities are endless.

4. the dutch date

as i’ve stated before, i’m not a big fan of women paying for dates or even the dutch date. but, once you’re done with the dating game, its not uncommon (well, let me rephrase that. it shouldn’t be uncommon) for your girl to spring for a few of your outings together. if at dinner, you can even practice your version of the fake reach for the check technique for kicks. (personally, mine has a bit too much wrist action. i need to work on that)

5. you always have a partner

while an occasional bit of quality time for yourself isn’t a bad thing (in fact, it’s necessary), it’s cool to always have a person ready to accompany you for even the most mundane task. plus, you never know when you’ll need a getaway driver or alibi

6. you can experiment in the sack

as i alluded to earlier, the unpredictable nature of casual sex relationships puts a bit of mystery into your sex life. with a typical friends with benefits or jump-off arrangement, you could realistically go from 5 times in a week to none for five weeks. when you combine this with the fact that, in a casual sex relationship, your sex game is really the only thing that matters, there’s no real room for error. if you don’t consistently bring (at least) your “b” game, you’ll be scourging clubs and craigslist for new booty quicker than a crackheads heartbeat.

in a relationship, though, the sexual pressure isn’t as strigent. while this doesn’t give you carte blanche to be wack in the sack, the level of comfort you have with each other allows you to experiment with new things (positions, temperature of lube, unique orifices, etc) knowing that if it doesn’t work, it’s no big deal. you’ll try something new the next day.

7 and 8. your parents are happier to see you

don’t get me wrong. my parents love it when i visit them. but, this “settled” love isn’t the same as the unbridled joy and energy they exhibit when i tell them i’m bringing my girl. put it this way: when i visit them and tell them i’m bringing my girl along, they’ll prepare anything from grilled steaks and shrimp to spaghetti and homemade strawberry shortcake for dinner.

when i visit them by myself, i’m lucky if my dad tells me “there’s some ham and cheese in the fridge if you want to make a sandwich or something”

9. you feel better about being a lazy bastard on the weekend

***what a typical single guy says to himself after he rolls over in bed and sees that it’s almost 3pm saturday afternoon***

“damn it’s late. that was a hell of a night. f*ck, man. saturday’s almost over though. i can’t keep doing this sh*t every weekend. i need to make some changes in my life. where’s my bible?”

***what a typical guy in a relationship says to himself after he rolls over in bed with his girl and sees that it’s almost 3pm saturday afternoon***

“damn its late. that was a hell of a night. wait…hmmm. she’s not wearing any panties. i hope she doesn’t mind if i slip some folgers in her cup”

people of vsb.com, did i miss anything? with all the anti-relationship surrounding us, can you think of any other cool things about being in a relationship?

—the champ

306 thoughts on “morning sex and more: the 10 coolest things about being in a relationship”

    • Don’t mess with the Sailor Moon powers! Who to thank…. the West Coast, cuz if it was midnight and not 9 pm I would be comatose; legitimate soul, Cheekie, Smart Fox Girl, CBG, and now brklyn2chi who stay congratulatin’ me when I win and challenging me when I don’t; and creators of VSB (Big ups to Champ, Peej, and Liz) who have given us this forum to discuss, debate, and debauch. QUEENSBRIDGE!

      Now on to the topic at hand….

      “last sunday she even managed to grill a t-bone steak while (almost) completely butt naked.”
      - You better be careful putting her business out there like that Champ! She might stop doing such special thangs ;)

      5. you always have a partner
      …. Man do I miss this. I think it’s because I just moved to a new city by myself, but I sorely miss having a companion. I don’t really even have time for a relationship, but I would make that time just to have someone to do stuff with. Pause. I’m just sick of being lonely out here. No Field Mob.

      7 and 8. your parents are happier to see you
      I think this applies more to men than it does to women. Maybe this is just me, but my SOs parents were always overjoyed when they brought me over. My parents were lukewarm by comparison.

      “I can’t keep doing this sh*t every weekend. i need to make some changes in my life. where’s my bible?”
      - This made me laugh out loud because I know SO many people that do this. And then the next weekend rolls around….

      I’m gonna think of some additions to this list though. Tata for now.

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      • @ Andi- your 90′s anime cartoons reference goes so hard(Dragon Z ball was my ish) and everything that you said was obviously on point.
        @ The Champ- This was def a dope post, you went in my NInja

        I think that there may have been one thing that you missed…

        To be brief:
        10. The abilitiy to share yourself with someone else.

        Now as men we generally are not as in tune with are emotions nor are we as capable of “opening up” as are much more attrative counterparts, but can you blame us. When was the last time you heard about a group of 20something aged men sitting down and discussing their feelings.

        But when your in a good relationship with someone that you trust, it allows you to let down some of your guard. You can talk to this person about your goals, ambitous and fears without worrying about what kind of reaction you going to get from them because usually they will support you in everything you do.

        Its def not just me this time…

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        • “But when your in a good relationship with someone that you trust, it allows you to let down some of your guard. You can talk to this person about your goals, ambitous and fears without worrying about what kind of reaction you going to get from them because usually they will support you in everything you do.”

          Excellent addition. Men have more layers than sometimes we let on and having that special someone you can show that vulnerable side to is a great thing. Gangstas have hearts too.

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        • It’s going well! Adjusting to a new city is hard, but I’m making it through. I’ve got two really great internships at some stellar companies. I’m just chillin till the school year begins (Boo thesis) No real complaints though. How’s the burgh?

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      • 1 – truest statement….perhaps ever
        2 – true as well, but I wish you hadn’t let the women in on this one
        3 – 8, most definitely, particularly no. 7-8
        9 – where IS my bible???

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    • Andi is a CONTENDER! Go, girl! *dancing to the celebration music, coming out with a cake*

      Thanks for the shout out! *poppin’ collar*

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        • Thanks for asking, Andi! She is Frenzy/Joanna Cargill in the Marvel Universe. She was a mercenary and one of the villainesses from the X-men and used to run with Magneto. Then Jean Grey had mind control over her and she was a good guy for a minute, lol! I’m reppin’ when she used her powers for good and not evil, lol!

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            • @ Wu,

              I enjoy the fact that we share the “bish saddown” sentiment for Jean Grey….But you ruining the surprise! I got the Vixen avatar waiting in the wings ( I just thought about it this morning)! I found a bunch of black super-hero avatars. I think CBG caught me because my avatar changed 50-11 times in one day, lol!

              Reply ↓

              • I think I disliked Jean because she was into Cyclops… I hate Cyclops. (BTW Marvel’s version of Obama makes the worst pr/policy moves. Norman Osborn in charge, and now Scott Summers with the Presidential Medal of Freedom.)

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              • Jean got on my last one for wrecklessly eyeballing other dudes when she with Scott. Flirtin’ with Wolverine and wanna’ get brand new when Emma Frost be on Scott. She also annoys me because she’s always be on some “I can’t hold it much longer”, passing out, weak, and if she strong, it’s because she went Sybil and turned into Phoenix.

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              • You two are hilarious with your dislike of Scott and Jean. Jean is a tad bit over dramatic. I have Grant Morrison’s Planet X storyline when Jean died again and it was a interesting, less dramatic way to go. I guess Grant Morrison shared your sentiments. Scott is all of a sudden a bad @ss now that he got Emma on his arm that he thought he was tough enough to talk sh!t to Wolverine. Yeah right.

                @legitmate_soul,
                Yeah, I remember that day you were changing up your avatar. I didn’t know who Frenzy was, despite the fact that she has been around since ’86. If you ever want to find a good collection of art, go to http://www.comicartcommunity.com. All of the art is labeled by artist, but you can search for by character if you want.

                @Wu,
                Me and you have that discussion about Obama in Marvel and he has been looking pretty bad, bad enough to where he makes Bush look good for hiring a black Nick Fury to run SHIELD in the Ultimate Universe. Although, hiring Steve Rogers to be over SHIELD was Obama’s idea so I think we can give him a pass.

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              • @legit_soul

                “I can’t hold it much longer”,
                Cyclops should have been like “What do you mean you can’t hold it? You don’t hear Storm and Sue Richards saying that. You better get your crazy a** back out there and hold it.”

                You’re right Jean was the cosumate choosy Susie. Cyke’s pimp hand wasn’t strong enough with her. You don’t see Luke Cage’s wife pulling that ish. On the other hand Logan is a bit of a loser for constantly hitting on his friend’s wives. He tried that with Mary Jane but Spidey has that locked up.Even if he doesn’t know it. Emma is the constant side piece. She is the Gabrielle Union of the Marvel universe.

                That was a good article. I like how Luke Cage isn’t a cliche any more. He and his wife need their own book.

                Reply ↓

              • Glad ya’ll dug the article.

                @Wu, Exactly! CTFU @ your take on Emma being Gabby, Scott’s weak mack hand with Jean, etc. Wolverine does need to quit sniffin’ behind his friend’s girl, but to be fair I think he is afraid of having his own thing. All of his girl’s die. Like I read this extensive background on Wolverine and a lot of his love’s died. It’s like an Alex Cross novel. Can’t hook up with him, because some psychopath is gonna target you.

                I actually thought Luke Cage was going to have his own comic after they introduced him in the resurgences of Black Panther (2004-2005) and in Civil War (which I didn’t get to finish reading :( ).

                Reply ↓

              • @Wu,

                Luke has been one of my favorite characters for the past 5-6 years. Bendis did a really good job of putting him in the forefront of the Marvel Universe, from his part in Secret War to getting a cosign from Captain America as an Avenger. His and Jessica’s relationship is interesting, with his being a hero as a retribution for his criminal past to Jessica not wanting to be a superhero anymore and be normal and have a family. Even though he isn’t as well know as Wolverine, Spider-Man or even Hawkeye, he was the character that kept the Avengers together after Civil War.

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              • @legit_soul

                The fact that Emma dresses like Lisa Raye bothers me. To hell with the notion of having Wolverine and his daughter around the kids. You let a telepathic hooker mentor them. Bad Scott.

                Comic book rules go like this: red heads, Asians, and black women must be hot, and if you love Logan you die a horrible, horrible death. His current girlfriend is a sister too.

                Cage’s turn in Black Panther was good. It was funny when he was hitting on BP’s body guards in the back of Brother Voodoo’s Caddy. “Move you arm Mister Cage.”

                @CBG

                Isn’t Jessica on Luke’s Avenger’s team now?

                Reply ↓

              • @Wu,

                Yeah, Jessica is on the Luke’s team. She hasn’t been in costume yet, but when Luke was possessed by a demon trying to steal the eye of Agamotto, she was the main one in the fray to save him, leaving their baby Danielle in the care of Spider-Man, of all people.

                If you’ve been alive as long as Logan has, you would be a playa, too. His first love was a redhead named Rose so you see where his love for redheads comes from. He’s been with Asian women (Mariko and Viper), black women (he got at Storm a few times and his current woman is black and mexican) and pale white mutant women with black patches over their eyes, i.e. Domino. Plus he speaks like 10 different languages. If any character is an international player, Wolverine is.

                Reply ↓

          • ooo why didn’t I know about her before? I try to keep track of my Black Xmen (& villians). And yeah, Jean Grey stays doing the mostest.

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  7. Great post Champie. #1 is the truth, that’s the one thing that I miss about being in a relationship, in-house booty. Le sigh. LMAO-my Dad definitely gives me that sandwich line when I visit the house, that or he offers me some day old fried chicken from the grocery store deli that’s been chillin’ in the fridge.

    Reply ↓

      • LOL! It has. It’s a running joke between my siblings and I though, we know that the one item that is always in the fridge at my Dad’s is that yardbird from the grocery store. :-D

        Reply ↓

      • It really has. When I don’t feel like cooking, I go straight for that rotisserie. Works wonders. And it feels like I still had a bougie meal. *fist pump*

        Reply ↓

    • he offers me some day old fried chicken from the grocery store deli that’s been chillin’ in the fridge.

      like eff said, walmart chicken is actually surprisingly tasty. (even though it made me sick the first time i had some)

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  8. “3. you always have an “out”

    caught buying the “true blood” dvd box set at best buy? say you’re getting it for your girl”

    True blood is the sh*t and I have no problem letting it be known. As a matter of fact I just finished watching this past Sunday’s episode online before reading today’s post on VSB … Sidebar: Why am I still paying for cable when I watch all my favorite shows online?

    Reply ↓

    • yes!! was sunday the season finale? but True Blood is the ish/ started off as a guilty pleasure but I love it, and hate Twilight, didn’t read the books too grown for that..despite the freaky ish gruesome blood/sex scenes creep me out a lil’ bit, other than that suspenful show

      Reply ↓

    • What site are you able to watch True Blood on? I LOVE that show and I’m going to be without cable pretty soon…

      Reply ↓

        • LOL! I watched the entire first and second season online. I got HBO this year because I got tired of having to wait an hour after the show before I could watch it. I used to have this site that was money everytime, all the time. Can’t recall the name now, but I’ll post it later today if I can find it.

          Reply ↓

      • Yeah, I know but I don’t have much experience in the relationship department {at least a real one} so, that’s why I’m sitting out.

        Reply ↓

    • “the way you speak of your girl though, Champ”

      Yeah, it really is endearing. *as he gets a thousand emails from VSSs to the VSB inbox*

      lol, no seriously, I’m happy for you, Champster.

      Reply ↓

  12. Besides in house booty/ head … I miss having someone dress me before I go outside. My exes didn’t literally dress me, but they would tell me if something didn’t match or if something didn’t look right on me.

    Today’s post has me feeling like I just left a night club, packed with sexy women, empty handed (no late night rendezvous, not even a single phone number)…. thanks and sh*t Champ

    Reply ↓

    • @ eff you couch (EYC):
      can i cosign your post if im not a dude? no? hmm..
      can i approve the message? add name to petition?
      i got it: i officially facebook thumbs up like this post.
      that is all. lol.

      Reply ↓

    • Today’s post has me feeling like I just left a night club, packed with sexy women, empty handed (no late night rendezvous, not even a single phone number)…. thanks and sh*t Champ

      lol, so basically this post made you feel like the situation from jersey shore

      Reply ↓

    • I feel the same way about the dressing part. Whatever questions I was having about my outfit he would always help me get it together.

      Reply ↓

  14. aww I miss somethings about being in a relationship, but I’m content single..had to cancel that bit like Nino (Lil Wayne)..
    -why is it that the fine ass dude, that flirts with you constantly just happens to say I\You Make Me Wanna leave the one I’m with and start a new relationship with you”–Usher Raymond wtf I don’t understand this guys, I don’t date/flirt with guys in relationships/married..If He will cheat on Her then he will cheat on you–Lyfe Jennings..and just reg wisdom, is it the adrenaline rush the unattainable other or having your cake and eating it too (no pun intended)
    —True Blood is that ish, although they had “Tara” runnin’ like a slave and “Lafayette” is a hot mess, I thought I’d be annoyed with the dayum Twilight ThrillerVampire Buffy bs, but True Blood is light the grown folks mature/freaky Twilight lmbo

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    • I think Lafayettie is more gangsta than Omar, lol. What’s up with all the gay thugs (not that there’s anything wrong with that) on these HBO shows?

      Reply ↓

      • seriously..Lafayette can go shopping with you and be shug knightesque body guard, he cracks me up I don’t know if it’s his gestures or the way he talks..and HBO has a thing with gay thugs (no Homo Riley freeman),,it’s very confusing like I’ma kick yo bitchassninja kicks ass then applies mascara trips me out..

        Reply ↓

    • I tried, but I really couldn’t get into True Blood. Granted, it’s probably because I started mid-season, but the three episodes I watched left me wondering “What the fuch did i just see?, What’s this ish all about? What’s the premise?” It is too different than the typical/traditional vampire show to just watch-&-get-it so I was just lost. Had to delete it from the TiVo line up. My try again from Season 1, Episode 1 to see if that helps.

      Reply ↓

      • Ehhhh yall need to read the books. I m not entirely on board with the direction HBO is taking the characters.

        Reply ↓

          • ehhhh well the books are better in my opinion but i do like some of the suff HBO has added heres a spoiler Tara isnt really as involved in the book as she is in the show, neither is Lafayettes actually Lafayette dies in the beginning of the second book. Also Sookie aint that damn pressed.

            Reply ↓

            • @NicoleN,
              I just had to comment and agree with you..the books are way better. I’ll get the first and second season on dvd to just watch on weekends. Have you read the most recent release book which continue on with Sookie’s fairy kin-folks?

              @ Champ,
              Great post and site. Ya’ll material is classic and FUn-NY!!

              -A.D.

              Reply ↓

              • Yes indeed A.D. the last book came out in May Im like where do we go from here, I think shes wrapping up the Sookie series. Im a lil sad about it.

                Glad somebody agrees with me the first 2 seasons were good i dont know about this last one makes me wonder how they are gonna work the 4th book in if HBO even goes that far.

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    • @90sgagirl
      True Blood is that show! And I love Lafayette. I think it’s the way he talks with his head down. I can’t stand Tara. She is stereotypical and she talks and has slave like facial expressions. The show is still excellent and I love Sookie’s wolf friend…he’s hot…stupid…but hot.
      Oh yeah and taken is not my flavor, I cosign that.

      Reply ↓

      • Yeah, looking at Alcide the werewolf makes me feel special tingly feelings, lmao!

        And I also cannot stand Tara. We are —–>here<—-

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    • why is it that the fine ass dude, that flirts with you constantly just happens to say I\You Make Me Wanna leave the one I’m with and start a new relationship with you”–Usher Raymond wtf I don’t understand this guys, I don’t date/flirt with guys in relationships/married..If He will cheat on Her then he will cheat on you–Lyfe Jennings..and just reg wisdom, is it the adrenaline rush the unattainable other or having your cake and eating it too (no pun intended)

      you started this paragraph with a “why”, but i dont see any questions marks. help me help you and sh*t

      Reply ↓

  15. If this is this 10 greatest things about being in a relationship, then relationships are overrated.

    I get 1, 3, 5, 6, and 9, without the commitment. I’m not bragging, I’m just saying.

    Reply ↓

    • …sorry, but when i looked at 1,3,5,6 and 9, and then thought about them , i’m not sure that’s something to brag about…

      Reply ↓

      • Which is exactly my point.

        None of these really aren’t anything to brag about. I don’t think these are the great things about being in a relationship.

        However, if they are, at this point in my life, I’m not missing out on much.

        Reply ↓

    • “If this is this 10 greatest things about being in a relationship, then relationships are overrated.”

      it’s not “greatest” its the “coolest”. but yeah, you can do everything on the list without being in a relationship. you can also put white-out on your teeth, but that doesn’t make it crest.

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  16. Just to piggy back on #1. You don’t always have to be “on” so to speak…
    I mean for someone to want to have sex with you in the morning considering what you may look like. Smudged makeup, hair all over the place, etc.

    Also I think #2 can be non gender specific… men seem to holla all the time when your in a relationship. I guess people in relationships just give off a general “idon’tgiveaf*ckness” that attracts the opposite sex.

    Reply ↓

    • I’m not sure this community believes that a apathetic heir attracts people. Although The attraction seems to speak for itself whatever you believe the cause/s.

      Reply ↓

      • I’m not sure this community believes that a apathetic heir attracts people. Although The attraction seems to speak for itself whatever you believe the cause/s.

        please expound.

        welcome and sh*t, btw

        Reply ↓

    • “Just to piggy back on #1. You don’t always have to be “on” so to speak…”

      this is true. this also kinda of mirrors my feelings about meeting “online” people in person, but that’s another topic for another day

      welcome and sh*t, btw

      Reply ↓

  17. and last sunday she even managed to grill a t-bone steak while (almost) completely butt naked.

    Aiight. You win.

    Reply ↓

  18. @Champ
    Simply Sweet…..
    ….. and shit (wow thats my first one ever)

    Another good thing .. is having someone to discover… Every day they’ll do something new or at least you’ll notice..
    ..like Yeah I know Little Brother is on the ipod..thats how he nods his head.

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  19. Am I in the right e-community? I didn’t like The Wire (I prefered The Shield). I’m too funny for a woman. And most of all, I hate morning chex. I can’t be concentrate if I’m worried that my breath might singe your eyebrows off.

    On the upside, I do spend the night in FWB/JO situations.

    @Keisha Brown-glad that you survived Caribana.

    Reply ↓

    • Am I in the right e-community? I didn’t like The Wire (I prefered The Shield). I’m too funny for a woman. And most of all, I hate morning chex. I can’t be concentrate if I’m worried that my breath might singe your eyebrows off.

      On the upside, I do spend the night in FWB/JO situations.

      lol, yeah. it sounds like you made a wrong turn somewhere. maybe you should be at mediatakeout or something

      Reply ↓

  21. Good list, folk…a couple more…

    ~Cultural exposure…women like doing stuff alot of guys generally don’t think about (plays, art exhibits, cruises, etc.)…for example, I’ve seen the Color Purple: The Musical, which I really enjoyed. On the other hand, I’ve also attended a production of “Lawd, Why Can’t You Send Me a Man Like the One My Sister Got”, so I guess it’s a crap shoot all around…lol

    ~(In)appropriate physical contact is allowed….women generally aren’t gonna be cool with some random dude slapping, pinching, or biting their a$$ets…but when you’re in a relationship, those kind of actions are seen as endearing, flattering, etc. A fair amount of groping is not only allowed, but perhaps even expected in some cases. I’ll say this: while I’m sure my ex was slightly annoyed by the constant bites on the a$$ she endured in both private AND public settings, she NEVER told me to quit….he heh.

    Reply ↓

    • “I approve this message..”
      one Christmas I told my ex “i want us to be more cultural..”
      We went to Stomp, Thoroughly Modern Millie, the producers, 42nd street, nutcracker.. etc..
      He even got a job at the Broward Center so the tickets were free..
      i guess that’s something about the ex that i can miss.. it’s usually overshadowed by the things i don’t miss..

      *Them gospel plays STAY killin me.. I don’t know about your area, but it’s always the same cast of characters.. “starring Clifton Davis from Amen.. Shirley Murdock etc etc..”
      iCan’t deal with those…

      Reply ↓

      • Yeah, ya’ll always trying to culture us up…wanting to go to restaurants where we gotta use utensils and sh#t, or wanting to go somewhere where we gotta wear a shirt and tie…what kinda bs is that??? I kid, I kid.

        Btw, happy early bday (quite a few August babies up on VSB, it seems)

        Reply ↓

        • Thank you DG… my birthday is on saturday.. so i can’t get birthday VSB wishes on the actual day..
          you ALREADY did better than my ex.. #NowIfThatAintAShame

          Reply ↓

    • @DG..we need to make it our ‘relationship’ e-official so that I can experience some of da azz nibling ;) lol

      Reply ↓

      • You ain’t ready…I’m stealthy w/ it…you’ll be in Target reaching for something, then all of a sudden you’ll feel some teeth on your right cheek, and you’ll be like “WTF??” and look around and won’t see nobody…and you’ll be thinkin’ to yourself…”that d@mn DG and his a$$ bites…”

        Reply ↓

        • @DG…that strangely excited me…Let me know when you are in the DMV so I can wear some boyshorts to my local Target….on second thought…you can’t surprise people like that in the DMV. Strangers are likely to do some crazy shyt like that anyway…

          Reply ↓

    • LOL@Jai….
      But I cosign that as I said below. Anytime I would bend down to get anything or was in a comprimising position…my ex would stop and grope/molest me. It was to the point where I would look around before I bent over and lock the bathroom door during showers. I loved his gropings.

      Reply ↓

      • @SFG this is cute. my bf is the same way, and i love it.

        this whole post is beautiful. the one about companionship is my fave; there’s nothing like having an s.o. who is also your best friend. i’ll add, for the ladies, being able to hit those annoying lames/ugmos* that approach with “sorry, i have a man” and keep stepping, no hard feelings. i know you can do this anytime, relationship or not, but it’s better when it’s true.

        *not that i don’t tell the fine ones i have a man too, but that’s not as fun.

        Reply ↓

    • “~(In)appropriate physical contact is allowed….women generally aren’t gonna be cool with some random dude slapping, pinching, or biting their a$$ets…but when you’re in a relationship, those kind of actions are seen as endearing, flattering, etc. A fair amount of groping is not only allowed, but perhaps even expected in some cases.”

      ***nodding head***

      having a woman allows every man to fully embrace his inner perv

      Reply ↓

    • Co sign on inappropriate contact and expanding your mind.

      My favorite, which people have mentioned, is not having to be “on.” It’s even better when you’re married. It’s like, whatever. You can’t go overboard, but there is a certain latitude allowed.

      Reply ↓

  22. Yay being in a relationship is great if your SO is a good person otherwise you are pretty much f*cked up.
    I love your reasons apart from the morning chex i prefer day time even tho kids make it hard and sh*t

    Reply ↓

    • Yay being in a relationship is great if your SO is a good person otherwise you are pretty much f*cked up.

      this is right. there’s no great hell than being stuck in a sh*tty relationship

      Reply ↓

  23. First of all, I love the fact that Champie is more sprung than Kat Stacks’ broken mattress. Eggheads need (and get) love too.

    Cool things about being in a ‘lationship include:
    *Sleeping on his chest at night
    *Getting sweet emails full of caking randomly
    *Cuddling on the couch for hours

    Wait. I’m a thug. I’ont do that. So I’ll say “Having someone to do hoodrat #hosh*t things with.” Yup. Let’s go with that.

    Reply ↓

  24. As a married man…I cosign this entire post.

    And LOL at “The Death of Adam” being one of the tags…cool album though.

    Reply ↓

  25. “you’ll be scourging clubs and craigslist for new booty quicker than a crackheads heartbeat.”

    This made me choke on my tea! LOL too funny

    Lovin’ the list Champ! X____________

    You definitely got me over reminiscing on the good times… ahh memories. Ah well back to reality and the single life.

    Reply ↓

    • You definitely got me over reminiscing on the good times… ahh memories. Ah well back to reality and the single life.

      being single isn’t a bad thing either. i just wrote the relationship piece today because i realized that i haven’t actually written anything about the positives of being in a relationship in (literally) years

      Reply ↓

      • Believe me I am lovin’ my single life. I am not one for settling, sh*tty relationships or dealing with ish that isn’t worth my time, so I am DEFINITELY where I need to be…But damned if this post didn’t remind me of the good stuff. Cause umm yea having to go back to the chastity belt and dodging these ninjas tryin to dive in the waters is a difficult battle.

        Reply ↓

  26. 2010 Black Weblog Awards Finalist Form

    Best Group Blog Very Smart Brothas
    Best Humor Blog Very Smart Brothas
    Best Sex or Relationships Blog Very Smart Brothas
    Best Writing in a Blog Very Smart Brothas

    There you go !

    Reply ↓

  29. As a man who has been in the same relationship since 8/31/2001 I co-sign this post.

    I’m actually laughing at the netflix statement because we could do it. Our movie tastes are kind of different so sharing is not caring. I was for every Tyler Perry “film” I’ve seen on dvd I respond with some violent ish. (Fellas or ladies for that matter, the “beach scene” from Saving Private Ryan is an excellent form of pay back against gospel plays or other forms trite movie bull. It’s shuts ‘em.)

    Number 1 is the truth. You wake well rested and put the folgers in the cup and it’s somehow more refreshing.

    Number 3 . Having an out based around Moneypenny never fails. True Blood is that ish by the way. (I’m still wondering why the Vamps are into Sookie. She must have $4000 snatch #nospitzer.)

    Number 4. After 8 years this doesn’t even come up any more.
    Number 6. I would expound but I would get stuck in moderation for a week.

    Number 7 & 8. I think my parentds like Moneypenny better than me.

    Relationship perks
    *warm bed that leads to number 1
    *random things that she does that you find cute/sexy (Only drinking the first few sips of my beer when I open a new one.)
    *No bullsh**a** relationship strife like going through cell phones, or listening to happiness vampires and such. Peace is sexy.

    I’m spent.

    Reply ↓

    • Wow! I cosign all of this. My ex and I were together for a long time too. I talk about him alot because he’s the only man I really really know relationship wise. We never liked the same movies so we alternated…i would watch his and he would watch mine. I love True Blood and Sookie gets on my nerves too! I love anything with Vampires and I got him into it. I also agree with the quarky things they do that’s so sexy. Like my ex had this stretch he would always do when he got out the bed. It was hot…like a tiger, I can’t describe it but I loved it….and whenever I would bend down to get anything he would molest me and he would always rub the top of my head when I would say something stupid. I miss relationship life.

      Reply ↓

  30. Since the last time I commented my girl has started reading vsb… All of it.. The archives … Everything. I caught her at 2 in the am on her iPhone squinting at her screen and cracking up. I love her more now.

    I totally cosign the excuse… Here are a list of things I have done that without my girl would have seemed suspect

    Read media takeout

    Watched basketball wives ( ride or die)
    Bought astringent
    Shopped at h&m (I can not go there by myself…dudes eye rape dudes in the Atlantic station h&m. But there clothes are fresh)

    Made her a mixtape of the wet bread softest r&b mixtape in the world. Of course I kept a copy in my whip. It’s in the cd deck now.

    Baked cookies instead of going to the club. Oatmeal cranberry is the business.

    Reply ↓

    • Since the last time I commented my girl has started reading vsb… All of it.. The archives … Everything. I caught her at 2 in the am on her iPhone squinting at her screen and cracking up. I love her more now.

      this definitely should be a deal-breaker for any vsb.

      “so, do you like vsb?”

      “nah. those n*ggas are wack”

      “damn. sorry, but we can’t see each other any more”

      Reply ↓

  31. #11 You don’t have to hold back being nice.

    You can not call your jumpoff just to tell her you were thinking about her unless you include the words swallow, smash, or nasty ( and the call must happen after 11).

    With your lady there is no need to hold back. Send flowers to work. Write love notes. Send random cake text. Cook her dinner. Clean her car. Buy her books. Bring her with you on vacation. Tell the world how awesome she is by putting her name in lights in a marquee outside the Hershey store (wink).

    I no longer have to be a faux arsehole.

    Reply ↓

    • @Broadway

      Awwww….you put it so nicely.

      Yeah, it can be hard trying to hold back kindness, especially if you’re naturally kind hearted. But it’s just so great when you don’t have to hold back with a person who truly appreciates it.

      Reply ↓

    • Totally Agree! “Being nice” can get you in so much trouble. Women will get the wrong impression. That has happened to me more than once. I need to work on my arsehole-ness.

      Reply ↓

  32. I love this post!!!
    Even for a person in LDR, it is so true.
    I have to also cosign some comments
    -Its being in the right relationship that makes it as sweet as Champs list (paraphrase Anita)
    -Peace in a relationship is sexy
    -Dudes eye rape dudes in the Atlantic Station H&M. My boyfriend might never return to Atlantic Station (or Atlanta) after a recent episode.

    Reply ↓

  33. What’s so good about Dutch Date? I don’t get it. Is the only time, Dutch is fun, when you’re in a relationship? Or not in a relationship?

    And what? You can’t have morning sex with a friends with benefits or anyone other than a relationship SO because why? Rules? I don’t know about you all but it’s 4 in the morning sometimes when I green light the undercover lover and for sure they are there in the morning.
    Sounds like you may be having a little guilt reflux about going Dutch.

    Good list Champie! I agree.

    My Good Goods about bring in a relationship

    Someone might know where you are at all times. You know, in case of emergency.

    More hot sex available before familiarity and circumstances dull it. This can force you to consider some other things of value in a relationship.

    Teaches some compassion. Some more than others.

    Responsibility for others is a joy when you care. Teaches you concealment out of courtesy to foster agreement and harmony. Restraint. You learn that what you think and feel is not always important.

    Sometimes you just want to go to somebody. Baby come to me.

    A back up ride.

    Someone you can be dependent with.

    Reply ↓

    • “What’s so good about Dutch Date? I don’t get it. Is the only time, Dutch is fun, when you’re in a relationship? Or not in a relationship?”

      i don’t believe in dutch dates while you’re dating. but, in a relationship, it’s good that the pressure isn’t always on the man to provide (and pay for) the fun

      “And what? You can’t have morning sex with a friends with benefits or anyone other than a relationship SO because why?”

      because they aint (and i’m not) sleeping over

      welcome and sh*t, btw

      Reply ↓

  34. For women: You always have someone around to lift things for you.

    For men: Use official facial cleanser and toner and moisturizer. Can’t forget the moisturizer.

    Reply ↓

    • Co sign on the moisturizer. Its like my guy had no idea they made lotion for your face until he met me. Now I have to buy two bottles of clean and clear moisturizer, or risk walking around feeling like my face is going to crack and bleed because my man went buckwild with my face cream. But when I kiss his fresh and effervescent cheek, I realize its all worth it. :)

      Reply ↓

    • Cosign…

      When my ex and I of 5 years broke up, I almost had a conniption in Target because I wanted a case of bottled water, and realized I wouldn’t be able to get the sh*t in the house. With everything that happened, THAT is the thing that almost made me want to J. Sullivan him.

      Reply ↓

    • Lifting heavy things and reaching things up high, definitely miss that. Having someone to spray the wasps, clean my car (just because it annoyed him that it wasn’t clean and I think he liked washing cars), and take out the trash- all that

      Reply ↓

  35. Lazing around the house together, no rush to get anywhere, no rush to be anywhere, just enjoying each other’s company.

    The quiet knowledge of them being there. He could be in the loft and I can be in the bedroom but just knowing he’s in the house with me is awesome.

    Doing simple things for him at home like buying his favorite brand of syrup for Saturday morning breakfast. Opening up the fridge to see your Vanilla Rice Milk because he knows you don’t drink regular milk.

    Being comfortable in a good way…almost like taking off those shoes that have pinched your feet all day and now you’re home and all you can do is breathe a sigh of relief.

    Reply ↓

  36. cool things about being in a relationship
    * Someone to nurture (as silly as it sounds)
    i like making sure that he’s alright.. whether it be food, or rubbing his feet.. taking care of him when he’s sick and packing lunches for the next day.. i like that.. and the assurance that someone would d the same for me if i was having an “off day..”
    * Knowing that someone has my back..
    It’s nice having that one person in your corner.. that can tell me when i’m being too much with my family.. but can tell it to me lovingly.. that person that tries to understand where i’m coming from when everyone else has brushed me off..
    * Having someone that takes some of the weight..
    I’m exhausted from having to do everything by myself.. i don’t mean in a “run this errand” kind of way.. i mean in a “i’m emotionally exhausted, think for me” kind of way.. it might not make sense to all, it just makes sense to me..

    i’m sure there’s more.. i’ll be back later..

    Reply ↓

    • I listed the same thing: someone to nurture. I actually like to take care of a man…feed him, make sure he’s alright, listen while he’s venting, morning hood wash…i love it all. Most importantly knowing that he’s there or a phone call away. You got it girl.

      Reply ↓

    • The nuturing part is a big one. I’m a giver (that’s the Leo in me…we give and give, but don’t you dare take! kthx.) I feel all mushy inside when I know that he knows I care. Aw.

      Reply ↓

    • @Nickerz

      “Someone to nurture”

      This is a favorite for me. My ex was in the military, so everytime he would return from being away…I would have some of his favorite things waiting for him (Scalp Massage, Oreos, Orange Soda, etc.). I even surprised him once with a new iPhone (Yes, I stood in the ridiculous line). Ahh….those were the days. : )

      Reply ↓

    • Women nurture in relationships? Damn I missed out being with that chic. I didn’t get anything but cheerleading and words of encouragement.

      Reply ↓

      • @Humble_One

        “I didn’t get anything but cheerleading and words of encouragement.”

        (Which are both great) But if this is all you’ve gotten, you will become SOOO spoiled when you finally do get the nuturing type.

        Reply ↓

  37. awwwww such love………………..

    Im all jelly and ish now thanks for waking up the this is why it sucks being single Nicky. Gotta go find a shotgun to put her back down :(

    Reply ↓

  38. “extra appetizers, better credit, and free sneakers if you play it right.” – Aint this the truth!

    Reply ↓

  39. as a single women, I miss a lot of these things (but I do have my eye on someone:) ) but from what I vaguely remember…

    it was always good to have someone cuddle with (im a cuddler/hugger).

    Someone to always talk to …even when they dont want to hear half of the stuff the other person is saying (that goes both ways)

    Reply ↓

    • all of these (including) Champ’s list are contingent on you having a happy and healthy relationship #statingtheobvious

      Reply ↓

      • @SoFlyy & Cheekie…did you see the new interview he did talking about his ‘fans’ LOL

        @SFG..I totally forgot to give you guys the update on when I went over ole boy house to seduce , drug, rape chill with him. He recently broke up with his fiance and this bytc…I mean chica had the audacity to call so I had to play bf role and listen and console him. I have moved on to better (I hope)! This is the one that gave me a book on our first ‘real’ date.

        Reply ↓

        • Yes. Once they start talking about the ex and you being their for them puts you in the friend lane. I would drop a one line advice and change the subject. But if you found better than yay! A book on a date i diff and would peak my interest.

          Reply ↓

          • @SFG….only time will tell,but this one makes me want to do more. You know how it is when a dude just makes you feel sexy and u want to be even sexier for him… I went shopping for that ‘one hitta quitta’ outfit (backless black shirt, azzright jeans, black stilettos) before the date just to see how he watched me.. :)

            Reply ↓

            • You aint neva lie! Something about a swoopy back less shirt, “skinny” jeans and stilettos make you look effortless sexy. Shake your hair up with a little gloss and you’re good! They just don’t know.

              Reply ↓

        • Yup, I saw the follow-up interview, Jai! With his upgraded du-rag, you know he gotta look fly for such a momentous occassion. Ya’ll mad? Don’t hate.

          Reply ↓

        • Why did I just see who this guy was last night?!?! I <3 him though. The man defended his family and then gave a public service announcement. What's not to love?

          Reply ↓

  40. Excellent list! I’ll add a few for the ladies in relationships:

    1.) The additional and much needed body heat. I call my man “the furnace” because he seems to have a perpetual fever which is perfect for me because I’m borderline anemic and always cold. Boyfriends are great feet warmers.

    2.) One of the VSB’s already mentioned this one but we ladies enjoy the occasional pop on the @ss every now and then by our SO. At this point, I don’t feel complete if I don’t get one at least once a week. Sometimes I find my bottom tooting toward his open palm completely involuntarily.

    3.) Being able to go out and get drunk and not worry about being abducted…lol

    Thanks for this post, Champ. My man was deployed and your list helps remind me what I’m waiting for. 60 days to go!

    Reply ↓

  41. Someone to hold me tight
    That would be very nice
    Someone to love me right
    That would be very nice
    Someone to understand
    Each little dream in me
    Someone to take my hand
    And be a team with me
    So nice, life would be so nice
    If one day I’d find…… So Nice (Summer Samba) Bebel Gilberto

    Reply ↓

  42. This is my first time to the site and I stumble upon this top 10 list? I LOVE IT!! Finally someone talking about how being in a relationship can actually help you out and it’s a good thing…

    Great post.

    Now I am off to slip some folgers in my girl’s cup…LMFAO!!

    Reply ↓

  43. I have sooo many friends who always say how great being single is and when I talk about a fight I may have had with my boyfriend, I get the “and that’s why I’m single” line. Being single can be fun but it eventually get’s old, boring, and lonely. I think men are the only ones who truly benefit from being single. There’s just a whole lot you miss out on. Having a man in my life who is there for me, loves me, and I can be myself around is what you can’t get from dating. I can talk about my inner thoughts and share parts of me that dates/friends can’t get. Even when I argue, cry (i cry when I’m mad), I still love you…and you love me. Even though my ex and I went through some serious bad times…that ninja knows me better than most people and I will never be able to duplicate the love we had. It was deep.

    Also there are a few things that being single for too long can hurt a woman and that’s knowing how to be there and take care of a man. I’m sorry but I have some single friends who always talk about what they won’t do for a man…because they don’t know how. I have some women that are so hardened by lack of love that I can’t even picture them nurturing a man, being open around him, listening, etc because they are so used to it being about me, myself, and I. These are tools you can only sharpen while in a relationship. I’m enjoying being single because I need it right now but I know I won’t be single for long because I feel like I was bred to be a wife.

    Also, yes Champ experimenting is the BOMB. Osama. To have a man who loves you so he won’t judge you when you pull out the beads. Whaddup CBG. ;)

    Reply ↓

    • Total cosign on the hard chicks. I’ve been single for a while, but I definitely love the mutual catering that comes from being in a good relationship. It brings me joy to fix you something to eat or grab you a beer from the fridge or whatever, because we love each other and you make me happy.

      These chicks out here are like, “He asked you to rub his back because he just spent the last 5 hours shoveling snow out of your driveway? EFF THAT! What are you, his servant? He needs to rub his own ish”

      And they wonder why they’re alone.

      Reply ↓

      • That scenario has my dying with laughter. That’s why they’re alone. Everything is “you did what” “hell naw” “you always doin for that ninja”. Especially when they are dating 3s and complaining about your 9. That’s why I won’t talk about him to certain people.

        Reply ↓

      • I think when LOVE comes along it melts even the iciest hearts/demeanors and the nature of love makes for wanting to automatically nurture and care for etc and causes men to automatically want to protect/provide/care for etc…….even if you haven’t had years of experience, it just takes the right one……makes me think of “Pale September”, Fionna Apple

        wore the time like a dress that year
        The autumn days swung soft around me, like cotton on my skin
        But as the embers of the summer lost their breath and disappeared
        My heart went cold and only hollow rhythms resounded from within
        But then he rose, brilliant as the moon in full
        And sank in the burrows of my keep
        And all my armor falling down, in a pile at my feet
        And my winter giving way to warm, as I’m singing him to sleep
        He goes along just as a water lily
        Gentle on the surface of his thoughts his body floats
        Unweighted down by passion or intensity
        Yet unaware of the depth upon which he coasts
        And he finds a home in me
        For what misfortune sows, he knows my touch will reap
        And all my armor failing down, in a pile at my feet
        And my winter giving way to warm, as I’m singing him to sleep
        All my armor falling down, in a pile at my feet
        And my winter giving way to warm, as I’m singing him to sleep

        Reply ↓

        • I think when LOVE comes along it melts even the iciest hearts/demeanors and the nature of love makes for wanting to automatically nurture and care for etc and causes men to automatically want to protect/provide/care for etc…

          Bingo.

          Not that I was the iciest or anything… but “nurturing” was not necessarily my forte until I met The Dude (and grew up)… my selfish arse enjoys all the tidbits of domestic life… like folding boxers and isht.

          #i’mstillgangstathough.

          Reply ↓

      • “These chicks out here are like, “He asked you to rub his back because he just spent the last 5 hours shoveling snow out of your driveway? EFF THAT! What are you, his servant? He needs to rub his own ish””

        *DIES @ the truth of this*

        BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

        Reply ↓

    • Umm, I plead the fif. You are crazy. lol

      Take your time now that you are single. I see that the relationship your parents had gave you that feeling of being bred to be a wife. I know you are enjoying your time to yourself and with your little one because I probably learn more about yourself through her, so when that man comes along that is right for you, his only competition for your love will be the love you have for yourself. It won’t be a literal competition, but more of a sign of what he needs to bring the table when dealing with a woman who loves herself and is comfortable with who she is. When she has that love as part of her foundation, money, clothes, cars, all that stuff is not what she is looking for. Meeting her emotional needs, listening to her, paying attention to what makes her tick and her little nuances, that’s what a man needs to bring to the table more than anything when comes to dealing a secure woman. I hope a man like that comes along for you and other VSSs because you all deserve it, and I think that is why I feel like it will happen for you.

      Why I went off into that tangent, I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I am still hungry and not thinking clearly. (Or maybe it was to distract SFG from those beads?

      Reply ↓

      • Awwwww CBG! When are we going to do it? We’ve been dating for at least a month now. I’m ready.

        Seriously, that was great advice. I mean it. I’ve actually always been secure in who I am. I’m kind of an open book and very honest about myself. My mom raised me to be a wife. She used to get on my nerves with it. Me doing laundry while my brother got to play or telling me to settle down while my bro was being loud but I’m glad she did. She always said you can’t do what men do. Be a woman. I’m def enjoying the me time. It feels weird but good at the same time. My daughter was always #1 so that didn’t change but she misses her dad alot and it makes me cry sometimes. Anywho, you’re right and thanks for the advice. I don’t need a man to support me financially, I want the emotional connection. I love a good brain. (pause)

        Reply ↓

  44. A few things:

    Quiet companionship: I maintain that if we can be in the same room together while you do your thing and I do mine, that life (and this relationship) is good.

    Space: It may tie into my first one, but I truly believe we both need space from each other. Smothering has never been what’s tippin on the tightrope. Plus, there’s nothing like the first look you share with someone you really care about after some time away, even if its only been an hour or two.

    Pleasant Surprises: That elation you feel when you discover something new about your S/O’s personality that you didn’t know before..and may have not even known you wanted in another person until that moment.

    Secret Communication: When you and your S/O can have a full conversation with facial expressions alone, in a room full of people

    Reply ↓

    • Secret Communication: When you and your S/O can have a full conversation with facial expressions alone, in a room full of people

      this sounds like some gay sh*t

      Reply ↓

      • its not gay! lol

        That reminds me:

        Your own code words: My ex and I had a code phrase we would say just as an inside thing to let each other know we looked at the opposite sex funny thing was it only applied to celebrities though lol. My ex would be like Janet Jackson definitely “Orange Juice.” What was “Orange Juice?”

        “Orange Juice” meant if he had a real shot with her I would be serving them orange juice in bed every morning lol. Of course Idris is my orange juice.

        Ok now Im sad again…..awww good times……wonder if he shares our orange juice joke with his new wife……………que wall slide

        Reply ↓

  45. “relationships, though, continue to prove that the folgers people are full of sh*t. put it this way: the best part about waking about definitely aint no f*cking folgers in my cup”

    Hmm, I thought it was VSB. (spokenlikeatruegroupie)

    “3. you always have an “out””

    Yeah, kinda like your “out” is writing an entire post about how it’s your boo that has all the Robert Pattinson movies in her queue. Mmmhmm. Seriously, though, the Netflix list differences is super cute. Adds character to the relationship.

    “5. you always have a partner”

    *sigh* Yeah. This is why I’m scrambling to get a confirmed date before I RSVP for my coworker’s wedding in September. lol

    “7 and 8. your parents are happier to see you”

    OMG, this sh*t is true. Just me going out with ninjas makes Mama Cheekie beam like a pregnant lady.

    Reply ↓

    • Mothers are on some “By any means necessary” ish these days. My mom actually had the nerve to tell me that at this point, she wouldn’t be upset if I got knocked up randomly, as long as she got herself a grandbaby.

      I swear that’s what Lil Wayne’s mama said to him when he was 17.

      Reply ↓

    • “Just me going out with ninjas makes Mama Cheekie beam like a pregnant lady”
      My mom too. Before I got out on dates my mom always says “give him a chance! don’t mess it up” then calls me at like 7am to see how it went.

      Reply ↓

  46. Relationship pros:

    -The connection & familiarity.

    Probably sounds corny coming from a dude, but it’s nice to be able to just be yourself with a woman. While the same should apply to casual dating it doesn’t. People (naturally) hide things about themselves until they reach a certain comfort level.

    -Casual sex.

    Speaks for itself. I don’t have to leave the house, pick you up somewhere, then figure out how I’m going to get you home without being seen in public with you.

    Just roll over in bed, and there you are.

    -Growing together.

    Another play off my first point one but it’s nice being able to find out new things about yourself while in a relationship. Personally I’ve discovered that if you have the ability to piss me off, that means I care about you.

    Normally I’d hang up on that ass, and would be quite alright with never speaking to you again.

    Cons:

    -”Dealing” with someone.

    Since we’re together, I really can’t ignore your attitudes anymore, huh? I have to “talk,” “listen,” be receptive to your ideas and all that good stuff.

    Even when I don’t always want to. Which sometimes it can be a pain in the ass, but it’s still well worth it.

    -Your problems become “our” problems.

    Broke? Unemployed? Not motivated? These are problems that now affect “us” instead of you. As such, I’m now required to make an effort to work with you to resolve these.

    Mind you these aren’t deal breakers, just some of the issues you take on when committing to someone.

    @Mellow

    Hang in there!

    Reply ↓

  49. This post is making me all mushy… I love when you write about or mention your gf, Champ. So sweet…

    Ok, my last good relationship was a while ago, so bear with me. I agree with all of the things listed. If I had to add one, it would be having a man around to kill bugs and take out the trash. lol.

    Reply ↓

    • And let me add the coolest thing about being in a relationship….

      $EX!!! Lots of hot monkey $ex! $ex in the evening, $ex in the morning, $ex in a car, $ex on a train, $ex on a boat, $ex on a plane. Pre-dinner $ex, post dinner $ex, $ex in every room of the house. As you can see, I really miss the consistent pipe. smh…

      Reply ↓

  50. @ Champ, great post. Thank you for legitimizing my desire for a real relationship. Le sigh.

    BUT, Someday he’ll come along, the man I love.

    Reply ↓

  51. Cool things about being in a relationship.

    The consistency.
    In a relationship you don’t go through droughts. You always have female companionship

    Waking up to dome.
    There is nothing like being awaken from your sleep by getting helmet.

    The companionship
    If she is cool you can talk ish and enjoy each others company without thinking about sex. Outside of the bad parts of my last relationship I really enjoyed the times when we were like friends enjoying each other’s company and I wasn’t Boo. We would do silly stuff like battle each other pop-locking when I would play Afrika Bambataa or Kraftwerk in the crib.

    Spontaneous and random chex
    If you are feeling it you can get it. Halftime of the football or basketball game? Get it in. Before you eat dinner? Get it in. Right before you go to the mall? Get it in. If you are watching TV and she walks past. Get it in.

    Not having to deal with the bulls**t of random chics
    When you are not in relationship you have to deal with the stupid ish of different women. You don’t have to deal with the nonsense. This is really tough when you need some @ss.

    Not having to work at getting new women
    As dudes we have to put in work on a consistent basis when single. When you’re not committed to the women you deal with they are free to leave at any time so you have to add to the roster continuously.

    Reply ↓

    • I love all of your reasons. The friendship thing is key. My ex would say he was his truest with me and the sides I saw no one saw. I’m a former dancer (not strip) and he was making fun of ballerinas and I said no one can dance like that you have to be trained. I did a few spins to show him and this ninja got up and did a massive spin and knocked over my parents grand lamp. To this day I never laughed as hard as I did that night. I know his friends never got to see that side of him. Our late night trips to Dennys where we would talk til 6am. Just the little things I miss…and random chex is a fab perk. It made me realize I like quickies too.

      Reply ↓

  52. Seeing as how I’m not in a relationship and still working to overcome feeling some kind of way about that, the only thing I got from this post is that Louis C.K. has a new show that I knew nothing about. *looks up episodes*

    Reply ↓

  54. Humble One inspired me to ask this question:

    To all the people who actually love relationships and the perk of random chex with the person you love. What’s the weirdest, craziest, place you had chex or “got it in”? I.e. in grandma’s bathroom, a closet, on top of a car, stooped in between cars, at a party etc.

    Reply ↓

  55. Relationship rock, but being single rocks-it’s a matter of where you are in your life. I think your greatest point for me was #5…partnership is incredible. There’s nothing like having someone in your corner that understands your vision and has your back.

    Reply ↓

  56. *Back to work and feeling all warm and fuzzy :) *

    Cool things about being in a relationship:

    1. The idea of “we”. It’s profound, simple, and beautiful.

    2. Having shared interests and taking part in those interests and enjoying each other’s company. In happier times of past relationships we could laugh so hard and there were times when we couldn’t wait to share something we knew the other person would love!

    3. Spooning, the possessive grab from behind to bring you closer to him, the reach for you in his sleep, and the kiss you’ll feel when your not quite sound asleep, but not totally awake either.

    4. Doing something for him that will make him smile. Impromptu massages, making a favorite meal, bringing home a favorite treat, etc.

    5. Random gropes or attacks are fun :P

    Reply ↓

    • “Spooning, the possessive grab from behind to bring you closer to him, the reach for you in his sleep, and the kiss you’ll feel when your not quite sound asleep, but not totally awake either.”

      By far my favorite things. Makes you feel wanted and desired.

      Reply ↓

    • “Spooning, the possessive grab from behind to bring you closer to him, the reach for you in his sleep, and the kiss you’ll feel when your not quite sound asleep, but not totally awake either.”

      Now this just made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I LOVE this…. definitely one of the top things I’m looking fwd to when I’m in a relationship again. *Le sigh*

      Reply ↓

  57. OH YEAH! luvin this post, Champ!

    def cosign it & most of the later additions by others. our 9th anniv is in a week & I can say bein mrrrrrd is cool for all those reasons & then some. :D like the hot munkee chex in the driver’s seat on the side of the road on the way home from a daytrip…

    Reply ↓

  58. 1) when ur in a relationship, there’s no pressure to look your best all the time. There ate times when u look like a hobo looking for a ham sandwich, and its ok.

    2) my grandma totally shat on my visits to see here till I brought my bf around… I’ve never seen her so happy ( her gummy ass smile and all)

    3) I love the death of Adam album by 88 keys (the tags)

    Reply ↓

    • #1 is tricky. not ALL times dressed to the 9′s. but please don’t get too lax in that area, comfy but yet cute/sexy is the way to go…..

      Reply ↓

  59. You just can’t beat making use of your morning wood. It’s the perfect imperfection of our anatomy. Sometimes I wake up and the first thing is see once my eyes are able to make out shapes is my wife’s round rump-mountain showing the bed sheets how to curve. And then it’s on…

    Reply ↓

    • @Intelligentleman

      I remember those days. You forgot to mention “conserving woodys”. There were times when u wasn’t feeling like or thinking about chex but a brother caught wood. I figured I shouldn’t let
      it go to waste so I put it to use on her.

      Reply ↓

    • Sometimes I wake up and the first thing is see once my eyes are able to make out shapes is my wife’s round rump-mountain showing the bed sheets how to curve

      Awwwwww…. y’all are a romantic bunch. So sweet.

      Reply ↓

  60. Reading some of the comments from the VSS makes me realize how much my relationship sucked. LOL. Where were all of you back in the day?

    Reply ↓

  61. Awwwwwww :(
    I’m newly seperated, but this list almost makes me miss being married………almost.

    I do miss the familiarity of having a partner you’ve been with for years, and all the little quirks and connections you develop together.

    -You share inside jokes together, like the cross-eyed glance I’d give him whenever I was cornered by my long-winded neighbor. It means “S.O.S”

    -having the greeting of “Hey Asshole” for each other, it was a term of endearment :)

    - the shot of tequila poured for me after talking to my neurotic mother, because Im worth it.

    -Someone to join in, on the bridge when Im in the car enjoying ignant music ie; “Booty, Booty, Booty Booty” by the Ying Yang twins, or “Wasted” by Gucci Mane.Or someone to sing Mr. BIggs part on “Contagious”, or knows the lyrics to the rap portion of “Poison” because I always forgot the words to that part.

    - Sex without condoms, because lets be honest condoms fucking suck. I know it goes against every safe sex PSA, and after-school special Ive been exposed to, and drilled on. But man condoms suck ass. I don’t know what modern advances in the condom industry you single folk are used to, but you cannot have good ole, nasty, physical, sloppy sex with condoms…you just can’t.

    :( *Big ole sigh*

    Reply ↓

    • HIV.HPV. Hepetitis and HERPES suck more, along with the clap, crabs etc etc etc….

      Reply ↓

      • This Just In : HPV and Herpes can still be contracted while using condoms..so um yeah…………trust me Ive doled out medicine for quite some time and Im convinced everyone has herpes, couldn’t keep a bottle of 1500 count Valtrex on the shelf for longer than a day. Nonetheless condoms still suck. Im not advocating just ridin everyone raw and shit, but condoms suck, I can’t stress that enough

        Reply ↓

        • LLS…..quite a few folks have herpes its true, more than naught but still, and yeah condoms do suck LOL but until you get monogamy thats the safest route outside of abstaining..all together……

          Reply ↓

    • “You share inside jokes together, like the cross-eyed glance I’d give him whenever I was cornered by my long-winded neighbor.”

      ^YESSSSSSSSSSSSS! Or the shared side-eye on anything you knew he’d feel you on.

      Reply ↓

    • @Misty Knight

      “- Sex without condoms, because lets be honest condoms fucking suck. I know it goes against every safe sex PSA, and after-school special Ive been exposed to, and drilled on. But man condoms suck ass. I don’t know what modern advances in the condom industry you single folk are used to, but you cannot have good ole, nasty, physical, sloppy sex with condoms…you just can’t.”

      This reminded me of the time the condom broke. It went from good to GOOD. I had no idea what dudes were talking about as far as chexing raw until I got in a LTR.

      Reply ↓

  64. Wow am with jai on this one, while on labour all i wanted was to pull push and break, sh*t not put in but being pregnant made me freaky and all. Am still sore 4 weeks to go till i can put it in. . . . Cant wait this post made me ho*rny and shit.

    Reply ↓

  65. Wow am with jai on this one, while on labour all i wanted was to pull push and break, sh*t not put in but being pregnant made me freaky and all. Am still sore 4 weeks to go till i can put it in. . . . Cant wait this post made me ho*rny and sh*t.

    Reply ↓

  69. Maybe me being a filmmaker will color my reply. But I just had a jumpoff sat nite. She came thru late real late. We got busy crashed out then around 9 we got one more for the road. So I don’t know about not having morning sex just cause that’s not your girl. Hell even before getting into film I had tons of morning sex. Either at her pad or mine. The only rule is that it’s expected and accepted that one if us has to boogie. But the no stay over rule is kinda junior high to me,who catches feelings cause someone stayed til the next morning?

    As for condoms….unplanned pregnancies suck. And I don’t care for kids right now, my career is taking off (forbezdvd.com picked up my video “the method man freestyle”).
    I wanted a girl while in college. But I guess as an adult student it seemed like college and my major made dating me hard. Some women either thought I was running game or didn’t like the routine of a film student. So now I don’t want one. Tired of explaining the women on my fb page, plus the head shots, plus I attend industry events that most up here attend as a nite out (Rick Ross release up here in NYC….nuts). Face it lots of women wouldn’t like thief man in environments like this as a part of his job.

    But I don’t sit around moping about not being in a relationship. She wanted a 40 yr old loser with a bunch of kids I wanted to make movies. I don’t throw around wanting a relationship like it’s a car or something. Shoot free trips to the A and Mia and having to explain nothing to anyone I’ll take that in spades.

    Reply ↓

  71. Hmmm she can cook, looks good butt naked, smart, morning sex, mommy loves her, and daddy cooks for her. What DA problum – is this the one or are you waiting for the more better – so when are you going to the chapel??? Sounds like the one if not for you maybe someone ready to make an honest WOMEN of a butt naked cook who’s smart in the sack – or is she your fantasy chick – real or fake sounds like a dream girl for the right man – Champ don’t be Chump lock it down sucker – take it from a black man lose the ONE there be another but never the ONE again –
    Sincerely Envious Black Man

    Reply ↓

  74. Great post as per usual. Y’all get a lot of “bahahas” out of me that’s for sure. Which is why I voted for you guys. Definitely deserving of it. Keep being awesome and sh*t lol

    Reply ↓

  75. Champ, other good things about being in a relationship… Along with everything you listed…

    Being appreciated and celebrated for all the little stuff no one was there to see or love before (naked chef included)…

    The piece de resistance… Having this kind of stuff to write about. :) Love, love, love, love.

    Reply ↓

  76. Having someone supporting your endeavors, and being able to confide, and share in the worries of life is a priceless experience.

    Reply ↓

  77. Anti-Relationship around you? how long have you been sitting in the sun? lol on my end its every where i love it! the whole concept of being in a relationship. (I recently came across this blog and I’m falling more and more in love with it.) like I was saying lol I love the whole relationship concept but I’ve been single for 4 years (ironic?) I keep running into the douchiest guys conveniently they need to start reading this blog asap and grow some cohones haha. Keep up the great job!! and good luck at the weblog awards :-p

    Reply ↓

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