go team!!! yaaaaay wang!!!!
“…many women make their dating and relationship life much harder than it has to be by driving themselves crazy over things that won’t affect a man’s opinion of and level of attraction for her”
this quote is from “10 things women obsess over that guys could really give two sh*ts about”, a recent piece attempting to alleviate some of the unnecessary dating, relationship, and aesthetic pressures women occasionally put on themselves.
but, while there are definitely many things that don’t matter to us as much as women think they do, there are actually a few things about women we care about much more than most of them realize.
here’s 6 of them
1. your girlfriends
the importance of a woman’s close friends doesn’t lie in the “ok, which one of them will let me hit if this relationship doesn’t work out” sense, but the “hmmm. her homegirls all seem to be scandalous sluts from planet scalawag. maybe she’s not who i thought she was” sense.
put it this way, if you’re single and your crew includes someone who’s legally barred from saying her baby’s name in public, maybe its time to accidentally defriend her from your lifespace.
2. coital cheerfulness/libido
while sack expertise is always a good thing, that doesn’t matter as much as your enthusiasm and willingness to actually perform. obviously, we don’t expect you to be perpetually salivating at the thought of our wangs (although, anything can you do involving saliva and our wangs is a good thing), but even if you give superhead level bj’s, we’ll eventually tire of it (and you) if you act like having sex is a chore that needs to be x’d out of your daily to-do list. an animated and excited but awkward lay is always better than a technically proficient but tepid one.
3. your ex-boyfriends/taste in men
like it or not, (many, if not most) men are pretty harsh judges when it comes to the types of guys a woman claims to be attracted to, and the type of men she dated before meeting him. while you may think that your street pharmacist dating phase was just an immature and efficient way to get free lakers tickets and lacefronts while replenishing the street cred you lost when you went to sarah lawrence, most men aren’t exactly going to line up to date the woman who used to bone avon barksdale.
4. your hair
i know you all already know that men care about women’s hair, but i’m not sure if most women realize just how cavernous and complex that concern is. like i expressed yesterday, we’re usually drawn and attracted to certain “types”, and the way a woman wears her hair make a huge difference in how she’s initially regarded, and this affects whether we decide to approach.
and, when a woman in a relationship drastically (think going from res to amber rose) changes her hair, it subconsciously makes us question her level of investment in the coupling. its the same uneasiness many (if not most) women would feel if the lawyer she’s dating all of a sudden decided to quit practicing law to teach yoga. sure, in theory he’s still the exact same guy. but, making such a stark change would make anyone question exactly where this person’s head is, and whether he cares enough about what you think to be able to trust him in a long-term relationship.
5. your ability to appreciate humor
you don’t have to be tina fey or angela nissel. sh*t, you don’t even have to be the chick from the progressive commericals. just don’t always be the walrus turd in the punchbowl, and you’re good.
6. your brain
although history is full of smart men procreating with imbeciles with intriguing butt-to-waist ratios, men don’t respect dumb-*ss women. in fact, despite the common perception, most men would actually prefer being with a woman a little bit smarter than him. obviously, intelligence is somewhat relative. to a west virginian, a woman who spells her baby’s name correctly on her neck tattoo might as well be an astronaut. but, her actual level of intelligence usually doesnt matter, as long as it’s equal to or higher than ours (word to howie gardner)
guys, did i miss anything? also, ladies, is there anything about men that you care about much more than we think you do? the carpet is yours
—the champ
Wow am I actually first!?!?
“Wow am I actually first!?!?”
thats what she said
She said you lied.
Hahaha, a Progressive commercial aired immediately after I read this.
Umm.
We posted at the same time! #twins
YAY! Time twins
@hawaii and cheekie
get a room. with a view. overlooking a lake of cunnilingus.
Way to tuck yourself in with a racy lil bedtime story…
@Champ,
Hmm.
I see you’ve opted for haterade in lieu of orange juice this morning to enjoy with your toast.
“most men aren’t exactly going to line up to date the woman who used to bone avon barksdale.”
What about Stringer Bell? He was more my type.
“also, ladies, is there anything about men that you care about much more than we think you do?”
Opening up and showing some vulnerability can be just as sexy if not sexier than your macho macho manness. I ain’t sayin’ cry like Carlton when Uncle Phil (allegedly) busted a hole in his swim floatie at the pool party, but showing some sort of vulnerability is also a form of showing strength. Not weakness like this back asswards society likes to tell you.
@ Cheekie
I agree with you 100% on the vulnerability thing. There’s something really intimate about a man letting you see his softer side…like he’s giving you a piece of him that no one else has access to…and nothing’s sexier than that…
Cheeks,
When I saw the Avon reference, the first thing I thought about was Marlo snatching ol dude’s girl, murking him and then putting two in her chest… yeah. I wouldln’t touch Avon’s, Marlo’s, Stringer’s girls. Hell, I wouldn’t even come close to Bodie’s, and he ain’t have no power. But he murked one of his boys for no reason. Imagine what he’d do if he thought he had good reason?
“When I saw the Avon reference, the first thing I thought about was Marlo snatching ol dude’s girl, murking him and then putting two in her chest…”
wait…what are you referring to? i think you’re referring to devon (the chick avon used to set marlo up), but there’s some extra details in your comment that i dont remember
Champ,
You’re right about Devon. But for some reason, I remember Marlo taking a liking to some girl who had a guy. And Marlo had ol’ dude off’d cause he wouldn’t give her up. But you’re right about Devon. I got the two stories mixed up in my head.
” And Marlo had ol’ dude off’d cause he wouldn’t give her up.” I don’t remember Marlo ever taking a liking to any girl except the one from the car. . . now i gotta watch all over again.
“But for some reason, I remember Marlo taking a liking to some girl who had a guy. And Marlo had ol’ dude off’d cause he wouldn’t give her up.”
yeah, i think you’re getting something confused. other than than the truck sex with devon, marlo wasn’t even seen with a woman the entire series.
actually, maybe you’re thinking of stringer and donette, but stringer having d’angelo killed had nothing to do with her.
damn, i miss that show.
LOL! I’ve never commented but just start talking about The Wire and I can’t stay quiet.
tmcydame, yeah, I think you’re mixing two story lines. 1) Marlo did shoot Devon in the chest and mouth and then 2) Lex shot Fruit for messing with his old girl (baby mom’s?) as they left a club. He didn’t shoot her, though. He just stood there on some ole’ “Hey Patrice” with dude’s blood splattered on him. Which just might rank as the worst attempt to get back with an ex ever.
I remember what scene you’re talmbout, tmcydame, but I don’t think that was Marlo. I think it was one of Brodie’s dudes (I think…I know he wasn’t part of Marlo’s crew…it was around the time they were really beefing…beginning of the season before they calmed down a bit) who used to be with the girl and Marlo’s dudes was with her at the time (I think it the nicca with the slanted eyes). He was obsessed with her and he just walked up to slanted-eyed dude and offed him in public.
I remember what scene you’re talmbout, tmcydame, but I don’t think that was Marlo. I think it was one of Brodie’s dudes (I think…I know he wasn’t part of Marlo’s crew…it was around the time they were really beefing…beginning of the season before they calmed down a bit) who used to be with the girl and Marlo’s dudes was with her at the time (I think it the nicca with the slanted eyes). He was obsessed with her and he just walked up to slanted-eyed dude and offed him in public.
yup. you’re right. good job, cheekie
“actually, maybe you’re thinking of stringer and donette, but stringer having d’angelo killed had nothing to do with her.”
mmm, Stringer. Reminded me of that scene when they first got it on. It was REALLY striking how dayum tall he was when he stood in front of donette. Jeebus!
@Champ,
“yup. you’re right. good job, cheekie”
Thanks. Though, I am berating myself for the Bodie typo. Brodie? That’s what my coworker called him and now it’s stuck in my head. It’s her fault. Also, she spoiled a major plotline for me regarding him (you know which one) when I was watchin the DVDs. Hmph. She cool, tho.
Stringer Bell??!!! JESUS! Fine! Part of the reason I watched the wire was to see him!
Yes, vulnerability from a man is I think necessary for a healthy relationship. I agree!
“Stringer Bell??!!! JESUS! Fine! Part of the reason I watched the wire was to see him!”
Hells. YES. And lawd, that raspy throaty voice of his did me IN. *fans self* I like Wood Harris (and Avon’s character), but Stringer was my MAN! Even though he was bogus as hell. lmao
Oh yes, can’t forget about Wood Harris he is handsome! Stringer was shady, but fine lol.
nodding, Yes & Yes to Idris & vulnerability…..
Opening up and showing some vulnerability can be just as sexy if not sexier than your macho macho manness. I ain’t sayin’ cry like Carlton when Uncle Phil (allegedly) busted a hole in his swim floatie at the pool party, but showing some sort of vulnerability is also a form of showing strength. Not weakness like this back asswards society likes to tell you.
yes. a man willing to reveal this side of himself to you is a man who trusts you something fiercely. and that’s a special thing. it’s also uber sexy.
every time i’ve seen a man actually cry in my presence though, i got teary too. lol. cause you just KNOW it’s something veryserious if that is happening. even man crying on tv/movies does something to me.
Co-sign!
That hard, macho attitude gets old after awhile. I would like to feel like a heart beats within that broad, muscular chest sometimes…let us see another side. You don’t know how much that means to a woman…trust me.
You all are kidding me right? Now I’m not saying I’m a total stone wall, but I know and many other fellas know that the shedding of any tears although encouraged is a quick way to not get “props” but be put in that bytchassness category. It’s funny because I’ve often hear that “it’s sexy being vulnerable” crap, yet I’ve heard a lot of side-of-the-neck yap about how soft dude was too. I guess it’s the situation like a death or something like that, but even if a guy was just upset about a situation he is considered…well…a bytch. Ya’ll confuse the hell outta me.
“It’s funny because I’ve often hear that “it’s sexy being vulnerable” crap, yet I’ve heard a lot of side-of-the-neck yap about how soft dude was too.”
It definitely depends on what you’re crying about. Like, if you’re whining because your precious car don’t glisten right in the sun, then that’s too much. I’m not sure what the situation was that made these chicks call the dude soft, but I’m assuming it was something trivial. And/or it was the frequency of said emotions. I mean, dudes don’t want a chick crying all the time and society expects that ish from us! When I say vulnerable, I really mean letting out something meaningful. And opening up. And yes, occassionally showing your emotions over something truly important can bring you closer. Closing off to your girl just to appear macho ain’t really macho, it’s weak.
every time i’ve seen a man actually cry in my presence though, i got teary too.
The first (and probably only) time I saw my dad cry was when my grandfather passed away… When he came home from the hospital, and told my mother… I was only 9 but I was heartbroken!! I cried my little eyes out for a whole 2 weeks straight.
RealMen crying is the most difficult and yet endearing thing to witness…“Men crying is the most difficult and yet endearing thing to witness…”
This describes how I — and a lot of women — feel, perfectly.
Caution to any VSBs reading this,
Vulnerability can only be shown in the context of a bf/gf or more committed relationship. You show vulnerability to a chick on your 2nd date and you can guarantee she’s stomping on your heart by the third.
zip it up and zip it out!
Hmm, good and important point to note, kamakula!
New to the board, been readin though. I just had this conversation with a female co-worker– I explained to her that my code was, crying is only appropriate due to
1) death
2) sports loss/victory.
I ain’t in the league. My tears, therefore, are limited.
*side note: She asked if I would cry when my first child was born. I suspect not, but I’m open to amending my code, should I happen to b**ch up and weep on that occasion.
You mean, should you MAN up and cry on that occasion? You would be allowed to lose it a little bit on that occasion; unless you’re like me and so amazed at the whole scene that you don’t want to tear up and miss a moment.
Oh goodness, here comes the hair conversation again. I’d just like to say that I agree it’s a bit much to make a drastic, sudden change.
I grew out my hair from relaxed hair to natural and it was a long and ugly process that took almost a year. My boyfriend at the time didn’t say anything, but he deserved an award cuz I even knew my hair looked a hot mess but once the relaxer was all out, my hair looked much better.
Bullsh*t on number four. (Hair)
Hair is an accessory. We can change our hair like we change our shoes.
This week I’m straight, last week fro, and next month I may have dreads.
That’s one of the joys of carrying XX.
“Hair is an accessory. We can change our hair like we change our shoes.
This week I’m straight, last week fro, and next month I may have dreads”
i think you missed the point. welcome and sh*t, btw (i think)
@ Champ,
I hope she missed the point cuz that’s what I was thinking. I like to change my hair up style, length, color (only natural ones- not purple or green
) they always look nice and I’m hoping that’s what you mean.
Question: why do men like long hair?
gotta have somethin to hold when you rough ridin the donk
I don’t know how most guys feel about long hair, but I am personally drawn to women with long hair because I associate it with femininity. I guess growing up men always had short hair and women had long hair in my mind. Sure as I have grown up those roles have definitely changed but beautiful women that I saw as a child had long hair. I associate colors with femininity as well, like pink or red or pastels. I am not saying that men can’t wear those colors because I do all the time, but when I see a woman in pink or lavender or yellow, my eyes are instantly drawn to her.
“Question: why do men like long hair?”
same reason why (some) men like short hair. and (some) men like braids. and (some) men like dreadlocks. and, its the same reason why (some) women like men with long dreads. and bald-headed men. and men with ceasers and beards.
its all about personal preference, and the image/aura associated with different hairstyles
n*gga, did you say “aura”? AURA?! GTFOH. I have a problem with any dude I date who decides that my hairstyle has to be relatively similar to the one I had when he met me. If I’m in a relationship, I would definitely discuss a drastic change in hairstyle. But to be limited to straight or natural my entire life because I’ve been pre-assigned to an “aura” is some bullsh*t. People change, people grow, and I can’t deal with someone who has such fixed views.
you know you’re not allowed to say n*gga. stop.
I actually prefer short cuts. Hair just gets in the way. Amber Rose that ish for all I care.
Yay for short hair!
@Sula
*in best Weezy voice*
Short hurr, don’t care!
Of course your hair belongs to you and you can do whatever you please with it, but to think your man isn’t going to feel some kind of way about a drastic change (especially without conversing about it first) is untrue. Champ’s analogy about the lawyer who suddenly wants to teach yoga is dead on. Drastic changes should be discussed. If not for anything, just basic courtesy and respect for your partner.
I cosign. Hair is an accessory INDEED. I will never budge on this issue.
what is wrong with the word aura?!?!? I had no idea certain words were not supposed to be used….well except for fierce. lol
Agree sis! People always change, hair, attitudes, life goals etc. The problem is when they don’t evolve together!!!
Hair is an accessory. We can change our hair like we change our shoes.
This week I’m straight, last week fro, and next month I may have dreads
I think the whole point (if I get the gist of what Champale is talking about) is that a man approaching YOU would be aware that you constantly change styles and will associate that knowledge with an inherent belief about you (wrongly or not)… So in your case, said man might be a bit surprised if you all of the sudden keep the same hairstyle for say a whole year? I know MyDude will. Lol!
I am the queen of changing my hairstyles to match my fancy, like you said it’s an accessory to me. So dudes that are attracted to me already know or sense that I will be the changing-hairstyle-type and are not gung ho about it… I once went from long, flowy braids to an Amber Rose like do…. with the color and everything, and I am as dark-skinned as they come… also I was 21.
MyDude often asks So what’s next for the Hair diaries? Lol. Meaning if all of the sudden I decide to go all conservative hair wise he will be stumped… In other words, the Champ’s theory still holds water.
I totally think these 6 things should be what every smart person entering/already in thinks about.
I care about who raised him and how he was raised.
Who his parents are and how they carry themselves says a lot about who he is, what he has become and what I have to look forward.
“I care about who raised him and how he was raised”
me too, especially after that kennel incident in 2002
Wha?! WHAT did you have going on in ’02, Champ?! o_O
I’m with ya, MADE in HI… these pretty much make sense. But jury’s still out on the thing about the hair.. the versatility of it all is probably a turn on for those into roleplay. And anyone who won’t switch up her style at least once or twice a season might be a lil ho hum anyway.
Now can you send me some Macadamia Nut ice cream?
@bittersweet’s baby
“Now can you send me some Macadamia Nut ice cream?”
Okay???? LOL!!!!
Macadamia Nut ice cream
Why don’t they make more of this I don’t know! Ben & Jerry (or better yet Blue Bell), you need to get on it!
@Sula
Blue Bell is the best ice cream in the world to me. Hands down!
Now that’s a girl who knows what she is talking about!
Blue Bell ice cream is THEE best. (shout out to Texas. Lol!)
The reason I agree w/ the hair is because I care about a guys facial hair. I love men with a mustache and when they get rid of it…. it irks me something serious so, I can get with why a man wouldn’t want to see me go from hair hanging to the middle of my back to a low fade.
I got you on that Macadamia Nut ice cream when I head back to HI in June, bittersweet’s baby.
Just like #1 in the post, I care about his homeboys, patna’s (partners), boys, crew, (etc.) as well and for the same reason mentioned above.
I also care that the man I’m with is respected and can get along with other men. No one wants to date the guy who is “fonkin’” with all his boys, who his so-called boys can’t stand, who is the odd man out, who has no male friendships, and who other men think is suspect. It says a lot about the character (or lack there of) of the man you are with if he can’t get along with other men or have the common, surface level respect most men can command in normal settings. I love seeing brothers interact: watch a game, play bones, talk ‘ish, laugh, go in on each other. I love seeing that camaraderie and it speaks poorly of a dude who can’t be a part of that on the smallest level. I am not expecting perfect strangers to be besties or see eye to eye on everything, but there are some universal topics that I have found all real men can relate to in some fashion or another.
I’m having trouble giving my point justice as to why it is important. Sorry. This is one of those things I can feel and give examples of more than I can properly explain or convey into words right now. I hope ya’ll get the gist.
Hey, you make a good point….who wants to date the lil’ *itch in the room, mad because you’re trying to watch the game and the fella sitting beside you shoots you a couple of smiles whenever a 1st down is made? Geez-o-pete dude, chill out!
“I also care that the man I’m with is respected and can get along with other men. No one wants to date the guy who is “fonkin’” with all his boys, who his so-called boys can’t stand, who is the odd man out, who has no male friendships, and who other men think is suspect. It says a lot about the character (or lack there of) of the man you are with if he can’t get along with other men or have the common, surface level respect most men can command in normal settings. I love seeing brothers interact: watch a game, play bones, talk ‘ish, laugh, go in on each other. I love seeing that camaraderie and it speaks poorly of a dude who can’t be a part of that on the smallest level. I am not expecting perfect strangers to be besties or see eye to eye on everything, but there are some universal topics that I have found all real men can relate to in some fashion or another. “
THIS. my ex seemingly had nothing in common with other dudes and would feel awkward if he had to be in a room alone with a group of them and anything other than basketball was being discussed. it really made me side-eye him extremely hard. idk why it’s so important either, but it’s just way suspect to be more comfortable at a baby shower than a boys night out. no one wants to hear from their brother(s) that their man is “weird” “different” or “iono..” lol.
i look back like was i on that?
“I’m having trouble giving my point justice as to why it is important. Sorry. This is one of those things I can feel and give examples of more than I can properly explain or convey into words right now. I hope ya’ll get the gist.”
yeah, even from a man’s perspective, this makes perfect sense.
“I also care that the man I’m with is respected and can get along with other men. No one wants to date the guy who is “fonkin’” with all his boys, who his so-called boys can’t stand, who is the odd man out, who has no male friendships, and who other men think is suspect.”
I get you completely! Even though I think overdoing it and ALWAYS hanging with your boys over your girl or getting overly excited when a dude comes across is kinda fruity, I think brotherhood in general is super sexy.
Agreed on both points. If a man regularly gets excited about hanging with his boys over hanging out with me, then it’s a deal breaker. Chilling every now and again is cool, but that weekly get together that he can’t seem to shake has me thinking “I just can’t quit you” type stuff is going down.
Also, I dated a dude who was known as “one of the girls.” I accepted it for a time because he was a single father with sole custody of his kid and not many men can relate to that. But, once I realized that he was really like one of the girls with the gossip and petty stuff, and I caught myself being like “yeah, gi…uhm, my nig” I was done.
Great post as always:)
My question is a man cares that I dated a hustler in my past? Why LOL? I do not apologize for who I like or liked. I don’t see why anyone should.
Especially when you see pics of all his exes and secretly think YIKES. I laugh when a man judges her exes cause look at all the scalywags he used to date…I think a young man cannot see a hoochie if she had a eff me for free sign on her forehead…so don’t judge lol
“My question is a man cares that I dated a hustler in my past? Why LOL? I do not apologize for who I like or liked. I don’t see why anyone should.”
lol, not asking you to apologize for sh*t. you can do whatever you want. just understand that choices have consequences. and, guy do make character judgments based on the types of men women claim to be attracted to.
*and, as smartfoxgirl alluded to in this thread, women do it too*
allud DEEZ lol
“. to a west virginian, a woman who spells her baby’s name correctly on her neck tattoo might as well be an astronaut” – hahahaha! True, true (mystikal voice)
I agree with number one. I’m extremely particular about the women I keep around me. (and men as well) I was always taught water seeks its own level and if you’re constantly around nagging, man-hating, bitter women or loose, free-moraled women eventually you’ll turn in to one. You have to surround yourself with positive people who are about something.
@madamezenobia
“water seeks its own level..” – this right here spoke to my soul. thank you.
Can we add that men also like to see how a woman keeps their home. If her place is a mess…maybe her life is too. If it’s too immaculate then her perceptions of relationships most likely are as well.
@ Cheekie We gonna have to box bout this Idris!!! * vaseline and cornrows ready*
With the exception of college, I can’t really say that I’ve known an adult woman to not be at least somewhat neat, but if I had come across someone who was real sloppy, I could see that as being a turn-off.
“@ Cheekie We gonna have to box bout this Idris!!! * vaseline and cornrows ready*”
Girl, I’m ready! Here’s a hint though ‘cuz I’m just nice and about sisterhood and sh*t. You better get that Sam’s Club/Costco sized vaseline because about 75% of the women who comment on here love him too. It’s gon’ be a giant scrapple. lmao
I care about an “empty body canvas”. That is, lack of body modification; little to no tattoos and piercings. That’s more something that can be “things guys dont give a sh*t about”. But I’m prejudiced toward tattoos on black women
. So sorry.
why is this?
I’m with you on the little to no ink. One or two tats are fine, but if you’re lookin’ like Lil’ Wayne or grafitit art on a subway train circa ’81, that shyt’s just not cute.
It’s also kind of a big deal where the tats are on one’s body. Neck tattoos are a no-go for me. Tats on the arm by the biceps are also manly to me.
Tats on the arm by the biceps are also manly to me.
for real! I can’t stand Keyshia Cole’s and Monica’s tats…looking like Oakland and Bankhead pirates. It’s disgusting.
“looking like Oakland and Bankhead pirates.”
LMBO!!! So true.
I don’t care for tats at all either but if a guy must have one, I like a nice tat on the biceps also.
I am with you on this, buddy. Meeting a women little to no tattoos is hard to do nowadays, and facial piercings are really starting to make my stomach turn, especially when it is on a woman that would gorgeous without it. I don’t have any tats or piercings myself so it isn’t a double standard thing for me. Smooth, unaltered skin on a woman can be breathtaking.
“I care about an “empty body canvas”. That is, lack of body modification; little to no tattoos and piercings. That’s more something that can be “things guys dont give a sh*t about””
i do too, actually. a couple tats or piercings is fine, but i’m usually turned off when a see a woman with multiple visible tattoos.
since i have a couple myself, i understand this makes me seem like a hypocrite. oh well.
i co-sign on this one (on men or women).
to me it shows you dont think about what you will look like in 20-30-40 yrs when your nickname will look like a run-on sentence.
I personally don’t care for tats on me (“You don’t put a bumper sticker on a Bentley”…got that from Kim Kardashian…I refuse to believe she came up with it though), but I’m fine with them, in general. They don’t disgust me or anything. I HATE the overuse of them, though. For some reason, everyone who has more than 50% of tattoos on their body automatically makes them look like a lizard to me.
One thing I’ve always cared about is a dude’s relationship with his mother. My mama always told me, be careful of a man who doesn’t respect his mother-he won’t treat you any better. But nobody wants a total mama’s boy either. Those mom’s tend to be crazy, and ain’t nann woman tryna eff with a crazy mama.
SN: In high school, the ninjas with the crazy/ghetto mamas NEVAH had a damn cell phone. Chile, it’s hard to tell somebody, “Eh, bruh, I don’t wanna call your house cause your mama’s rude.” Awkwaarrrddd….
“SN: In high school, the ninjas with the crazy/ghetto mamas NEVAH had a damn cell phone”
i was going to say something about this, until i remember that everyone still had pagers when i was in high school. at that time, cell phones were for astronauts
@Champ
LMBO @ **i was going to say something about this, until i remember that everyone still had pagers when i was in high school. at that time, cell phones were for astronauts**
I had the same thought and had to remind myself that I am old. My mom had a CAR phone but she wasn’t an astronaut.
I didn’t get a cell phone ’til senior year and even then it wasn’t a big deal. Just had a pay-as-you-go phone. Thought my Motorola was the ish, tho. Oh, how cell phones have changed. iPhone ftw.
cell phones were for astronauts
or zach morris
@ a plus,
*DEAD* @ “or Zach Morris”. I kinda want that phone so I can take it to the club like, “Yeah, ya’ll wish ya’ll was up on this. They only makin’ 3 of these in the world. Pshaw at your iPhone 4GS”.
cell phones were for astronauts
or zack morris
I guess that makes me the old creepy dude on the website. We had quarters for pay phones.
Was that like 1968 when y’all was through groovin at the houseparty? LOL
Heck yeah….looking at Pager Codes and ‘ish…but even then I didn’t have a pager in high school. No need for a pager back then, because my parents knew exactly where I was. I didn’t get one until freshman year of college.
I agree…somewhat. I dated a dude who showed his mother the utmost respect when that -ich needed to be slapped. I cannot put into words the countless ways she sought out to disrespect him simply because if I did, it would make ME seem crazy. That’s how crazy she/her actions were.
He was a good man, but all that “turning the other cheek” mentality spilled over into his everyday life and he ended up just getting walked on by many people who saw his weakness and exploited it.
So….I guess I just proved your point, huh?
Yes there are things we care about more than you think we do, but firstly…
Dammit Champale – you sent us on a wild goose chase with that “legally barred from saying her baby’s name in public” link. Jeez Louise, I read the whole thing (which took away from this post) and I’m like “Huh? What does that post have to do with the price of tea in Bejing!!?” It just didn’t fit – still love ya though! And re: that post – THANK YOU for acknowledging Hill Harper – the ONLY celebrity I’ve ever met BEFORE he was “famous”. LOL
Ok on to the rest…
One thing we care about more than you think we do is hygiene. A LOT of men seem to think they don’t stink if they wash their face, azz and pits. (a male ho-bath) Um no. A FULL BODY soap and scrub is what’s needed – ALWAYS. PERIOD. POINT BLANK. BOTTOM LINE. PLEASE AND THANK YOU.
Another thing is “female friends” of theirs that we seem to be “cool” with. Uh yeah, we DO care dum-dum. Even though you claim she’s only a friend (and that very well MAY be) there’s ALWAYS a sneaking suspicion going on whether we “accept” her or not.
And lastly we really DO care what your family and guy friends think of us. Reason being – we know that they were there before us, and regardless of how good our coochie and “head game” is, in the initial phase of the relationship, THOSE are the people that have more influence over you than we do, which means you’ll be subject to reversal of interest if you’re weak-minded enough.
@Redbeanznrice w/Cajun Catfish
“we know that they were there before us, and regardless of how good our coochie and “head game” is, in the initial phase of the relationship, THOSE are the people that have more influence over you than we do”
Totally agree! Well said.
“you sent us on a wild goose chase with that “legally barred from saying her baby’s name in public” link”
lol, i wasn’t expecting anyone to actually click on it. but, i should have remembered that redbeanz isn’t exactly normal.
also, lets say the “friend” does actually harbor feelings towards us. if you trust us, why does it even matter?
“Dammit Champale – you sent us on a wild goose chase with that “legally barred from saying her baby’s name in public” ”
I didn’t even click on the link and I automatically thought bout Royce from Basketball wives. Or is it Brandy? I know she said she and her child’s father mutually agreed not to feature her daughter, but I bet he’s the one that put that kibosh on that ish because she shole had her on For the Love of Ray J. lol
So, about the whole hair thing? Does that mean we CAN’T change it, or are you saying we need to discuss??? cause either way, HUH, really ? I’m a tad bit confused with this one. Could you be a little more specific? and no specific deez please.I get the whole y’all have types you like & sh*t, but how bout me & my individuality can I be me? I’m independent.
“Dont you do that, thats a no no”(said in a Bill Cosby voice)
When you first start talking to a dude and you switch it up sometimes we think, dang I approached her because her hair looked a certain way. Also, going from hella presentable to chill mode superquick is also a major turn off. I was talking to a chick and when I first approached her hair looked nice and long and on the first date she had just gotten it done, cute dress nice heels. Maybe one week later she goes and gets these joints twisted up and I thought NOOOOOOOOOOO! She looked like another person and the chill attire did not help the situation. I say that to say this. Yes you are entitield to your individuality, but also your entitled to being single aka Independent. If you have some time invested in dude he wont trip about a hair change as much because he is already really feeling you. Major stylistic changes you may want to discuss not should I have bangs or get layers/highlights. But going from “Girl you must have indian in your family.” to twists overnight. Only people that like constant change are wet babies. So if you thought we initially approached you for who you are, no it may have just been that hair(that looked fun to pull).
I don’t get it, why the whole “Girl you must have indian in your family.” to twists overnight thing still goin on? “Her hair looked nice & long,” SERIOUSLY????? Some BS…right there IMO, still tryna make hair an issue…dayum we ain’t get past this yet??? I thought vsb’s liked the idea of Change (Shouts out to the POTUS)…can’t we find more important things to judge women on, like character and such???? *Leaves room wondering if VSB’s are really still hung up on hair LIKE THAT …humming School Daze good & bad hair song…
LOL. I used the indian hair thing more as a joke. The point was this that she had her hair maintained very well and the twists were not as attractive on her. I think that when women go the natural look it can look great, however most of the women who do have the natural look also embody a personality/aura to match. She did not. It looked off. I will take a wannabee or a jiggaboo it honestly doesnt matter, but a wannabee personality witha jiggaboo hairdo, NEXT. *Kanye shrug*
breathes heavy sigh of relief…kind of anyway…i understand the whole “not as attractive on her ” thing cause like Jilly from Philly says that cologne “stunk on him” so I feel you there…just hate the whole comparison thing. with natural vs.NOT ..but now that i know you’d be ok with jiggaboos or wannabes….we cool & sh*t again
i care about how his last relationships ended. if he gives reasons that completely blame each and every one on the woman and takes no responsibility in the demise… well, refer to the Diva Dude post. can’t trust that ninja.
how much he shares with me. whether good or bad, it lets me know he trusts me with intimate information, and that creates closeness.
i don’t get the ex thing though. why is it so important? none of my exes have anything in common and even if they were horrible choices, i’ve grown since then obviously. i mean, i can see if i had a pattern of dating abusive men, pedophiles, cannibals or other wayward ninjas that killed people for a living, then yes, judge me. but other than that, i don’t see how that reflects a ‘taste’ in men.
…on second thought… i’ve given an eye to the side to a friend for planning a future with a hoodrat in Lady’s clothing… so yeah i guess i can kiiiinda see your point.
I think in any serious relationship a man wants a woman who has good judgment. Good judgment is important in a relationship but CRITICAL in a marriage. Now I know alot of brothas are TRIFE so we are not judging you ladies super critical based off of a bad relationship. However, a plethora of ninjas where in the description you think “did this ninja really do that to her” or “did she not see this coming” or “you aint know that ninja was gay?!?!” may tell us that your judgment/taste may be a little backwards. Get a gay-dar, spider sense or some some ish ASAP cuz alot of women out here be talking to dudes for MONTHS that most males would be like “yah he seem like a grimmy dude” within 5mins of interaction. We cant have yall making bad calls in the future on life decisions that we may make. NEXT
@coldsweat3
Cosign 100%. I’ve met too many women that make bad choices in men. I’d be a fool not to question why a woman would want to talk to me after dealing with the type of men you mentioned. In my head I’m thinking “I’m not like those guys and thats what you seem to like so why are you talking to me?”.
“However, a plethora of ninjas where in the description you think “did this ninja really do that to her” or “did she not see this coming” or “you aint know that ninja was gay?!?!” may tell us that your judgment/taste may be a little backwards”
***nodding head***
“Get a gay-dar, spider sense or some some ish ASAP cuz alot of women out here be talking to dudes for MONTHS that most males would be like “yah he seem like a grimmy dude” within 5mins of interaction. ”
Speaking of gay-dar, my mama has the WORST. I don’t mean she mistakens a man for straight when he is gay, I mean she assumes like 89% of men we encounter (tv or real life) are gay. One of her most foolish (and hilarious) reasons? “His eyes are too close together”. WTF.
hahaha I dont know what it is but there are some looks that just look to suspect for comfort. There is a dude on campus whose eyes are just too close together and I thought the same thing! Yet, he also did hair and had about 6y’s at the end of hey but who am I to judge.
To the sistahs out there: Dont trust colored contacts!!! No man should have ever gone to the optomestrist tried on a few colors and said “OOOH I think these make my eyes look good. This color pops” and I feel like thats what has to be said if you are looking for colored contacts.
I actually agree with that. Common sense and good judgment is paramount to successful relationships. So a guy with a string of “crazy” broads as exes might need to move along. Next.
@Muze
“i don’t get the ex thing though. why is it so important? none of my exes have anything in common and even if they were horrible choices, i’ve grown since then obviously. i mean, i can see if i had a pattern of dating abusive men, pedophiles, cannibals or other wayward ninjas that killed people for a living, then yes, judge me. but other than that, i don’t see how that reflects a ‘taste’ in men.”
It is important because some of those choices may reflect something about you that men may not want to deal with. You may do things that you aren’t even aware of but men will notice it. Men know how other men are and if you like dealing with a certain “type” we know the stuff that comes along with it.
okay… and the resounding chorus from the men hath let me know that it does indeed matter. lol.
i wasn’t asking because my past choices have been horrible, i just don’t see it as THAT big of a deal. but yes, good judgment is important and i get that.
but what if all her exes were professional athletes or rich business execs… would it matter on the other end of the spectrum as well?
@Muze
“hoodrat in Lady’s clothing”
This describes the ex of a guy I dated. He described her to me as an upscale kind of girl (well dressed, good career, etc.). Then the more I learned about her, turns out she was a hoodrat in Lady’s clothing. Her appearance had him fooled until he found out she was loud in public and she stole from him. smdh
i care about how his last relationships ended. if he gives reasons that completely blame each and every one on the woman and takes no responsibility in the demise… well, refer to the Diva Dude post. can’t trust that ninja.
CO-SIGNed with a notary stamp!
i care about how his last relationships ended
Preach that gospel!!!!!!
I tend to have what I call “civil breakups”… We realize it was a mistake, we acknowledge it, and we move on. Sometimes one party takes more time to recover than the other, but overall, we are able to get past it and stay cordial with each other. I will hate to be with a man whose ex’s name you can’t even mention in his vicinity. Or who calls all his exes, those “bishes”… or who is always the one that got got… It tells me this person does not understand the power of personal responsibility and accountability… i.e we have a live immature one. It’s a no go.
@ Redbeanznrice
I see what you’re saying about the good female friend whose always been down. But I have one of those, and I attest to the relationships platonic nature. My last girl did have a problem with how close we were though…at times. I don’t know why though. I chalk it up to insecurity, because I chose HER, not my homegirl of 15 years to date.
btw, me and my girl have never slept together and never will…unless some Brown Sugar moment catches us off guard. It hasn’t happened yet though.
My brotha, lets keep it 100. You aint ever looked at your friend sexually? Like not even once? I am going to have to cosign with the female opinion on this because while I do have platonic female friends that I am really close with I would not be opposed to pursuing something with them. Even for those where we have known each other for yearsss. Lets face it, clearly if your homegirl are cool enough to talk to each other on a very consistent basis, yall prolly have some of the same interests in activities and possibly hobbies of course your Girlfriend/fiance/wife should give this chick the side-eye! Cuz if she tried telling me a ninja is just cool with her like that imma say “I am that ninja that will sleep with a friend and I know 99% of my homies would do the same!” Unless shes ugly…I have never in my life gone out to seek friendship from a woman and never will. Female freindships have developed from those who you thought looked good but you just didnt vibe romantically, she was unnattractive, she is your homebois girlfriend, your girlfriends friend, but never JUST a friend. So to the ladies out there with these “male besties” C’mon son, the brotha would bone if he saw just a tad too much cleavage on any given day.
…unless some Brown Sugar moment catches us off guard. It hasn’t happened yet though.
Ty for this statement. I appreciate your honesty. But you should know…
This right here, nicca…this sh!t right here, nicca…is the reason that your girl was trippin. The fact that you’ve even considered escalating this woman from “homie” to “cut buddy” status (or higher) or acknowledge it as a possibility is enough to drive a woman crazy. Despite what men may think, most women (I know) would prefer a life/relationship with as little drama as possible…and the thought of coming home to find your man and his ‘best, good friend’ goin @ it on a Brown Sugar high is more than we can handle.
I assume this works the same way for a man and his SO’s male friends…
Nope. I consider f*cking at least one woman a day. Every day. At least two if I’m in a relationship. If women were to break up with a guy because he thinks about this, there would be few relationships that survive past a weekend.
This seems pretty reasonable
still I vote for modification of #6
(Truth)
Almost any woman can blow heads
takes a genius to blow minds
Most of us quit waiting for a sister like Pamela Harriman or Ayn Rand to show up long ago.
Then a brother became President.
Proof nothing is impossible.
@Ulysses
Re: Pamela Harriman
So you want a sista with great social skills, will be in tuned with your desires, cater to you, and then have an affair with your homeboy?
Re: Ayn Rand
Someone who is philosophical? *atlasshrug(ged)*
You may have to explain these two.
I have a feeling that it would be pointless to explain this.
but let’s just run with the idea of making Bill Clinton and Alan Greenspan the people they were thought to be before things blew up in our faces and on some girl’s dress.
Yes, although far less popular and greatly under appreciated, the intercourse of Philosophy, Rhetoric and Logic can be ‘mind blowing’ and effectively more galvanizing to a relationship than a whole lotta good ‘head blowing’.
My philosophy begins with two statements
1) Reality is God’s gift to people with no imagination
2) Girls make boys stupid, women make men great.
Brain can be found everywhere
Brains are hard to find anywhere
That’s why brothers got for T and A
Take it from there.
@Ulysses
**Girls make boys stupid, women make men great.**
I LOVE THIS! I want a tshirt.
I too want a shirt…..
ulysses@in-artwear.com
Available next week
BTW
I print graphic Ts
@Ulysses,
Hmm, might seriously consider getting that t-shirt!!
You dropping some knowledge with those quotes, man. Throw all of those on t-shirts.
right. i need a smedium in ALL of the above stated quotes. thanks.
Your whole philosophy & sh*t gave me an e-gasm …*swooning & fanning self from all the verysmartness up in here today …
Your whole philosophy & sh*t gave me an e-gasm …*
I am right there with you… swooning! I want that t-shirt. right.now.
1) Reality is God’s gift to people with no imagination
2) Girls make boys stupid, women make men great.
Brain can be found everywhere
Brains are hard to find anywhere
LOVE. IT
“Almost any woman can blow heads
takes a genius to blow minds”
I kinda wanna wear this to work on casual Friday.
I care about…
1. A man’s parents and how he was raised. Single parent? Two parent? Was it a pleasant home or one filled with acrimony?
2. His female ‘friends’. Too many is a red flag. Especially if he’s a lil too close to one in particular. Don’t trust it.
3. Facebook page (if he has one). Is he constantly commenting and ‘liking’ every other girls picture? Are his boys posting/tagging him in pictures that really show what he does in his spare time?
4. Bedroom skills. He doesn’t have to blow my back out everytime, but c’mon! I want to look forward to the d and all things you can do with me. Ain’t nothin’ worse than a man who is clueless about what to do. When a man is lacking, evrything else in the relationship is amplified.
In response to ur #1,
I agree with the importance of the home environment and how someone was raised. But there are people who go as far to say they only date people from 2 parent households.
#3, too much facebook activity is always a red flag.
@Ivyette
“2. His female ‘friends’. Too many is a red flag. Especially if he’s a lil too close to one in particular. Don’t trust it.”
Yes ma’am!! This is probably number #1 on my list of red flags. It’s just not worth the risk of feeling like #2 or feeling insecure about what could possibly happen between him and his “friend”.
“3. Facebook page (if he has one). Is he constantly commenting and ‘liking’ every other girls picture? Are his boys posting/tagging him in pictures that really show what he does in his spare time?”
We sooooo care about this more than a guy can imagine! Such a turn off.
@Ivyette
Cosign everything you listed. Especially 1, 2, and 4 as far as women. I haven’t encountered someone with issues like #3.
@Ivyette
I had no idea women really looked for stuff like that on FB. Cant a man just admire beauty and provide a compliment to a beautiful sistah? Now I am not saying all of his “likes” need to be one of those Chapelle moments where he really means “Damn ninja look at them titties!” but some FB stalking gets out of control.
However, I will now make my FB private…..lol. Thank you sistah. thank you!
I totally agree with #2. Been there, done that, learned my lesson. A man who enjoys the company of a bunch of different women…we’ll call them “friends”… is likely not the settling-down type. READ: bachelor for life.
As far as FB, I’d be more concerned with the guy who goes out of his way to “like” every pic posted of a particular girl….one that’s not his S.O….maybe one that’s his ex… This definitely shows that girl is on his mind.
*passes collection plate.
When a man is lacking, everything else in the relationship is amplified.
I would say when Intimacy is not up to par, everything little problem becomes a boulder to overcome.
…Is there anything about men that you care about much more than we think you do?
1. Shave your wang!!! That is a major one for me. A man should never EVER let the hair on his wang become long and wild enough to cornrow.
2. Wash yourself well w/SOAP! I have hurt a few good mens feelings for not always being “fresh” in their intimate areas.
3. Learn some tricks for the bedroom. If I can do splitz and handstands on your wang-wang… you need to do something creative as well!
@Exotic Mystery
“1. Shave your wang!!! That is a major one for me. A man should never EVER let the hair on his wang become long and wild enough to cornrow.”
You buggin if you think a dude is going to put a razor down there on a regular basis. Its way too dangerous.
What kind of dudes don’t do #2?
@Humble
“You buggin if you think a dude is going to put a razor down there on a regular basis. Its way too dangerous.”
I will agree, but point out that it need not be an actual shaving or an actual razor: however, electric clippers/trimmers to get it below Bushwick Bill status is nice…
welcome and sh*t. and yeah, i think the shaved wang might be more of a personal preference thing than something most women care about
I cosign # 1, if shes friends with a bunch of sluts…then without a doubt she is a slut, or shes the lame one who holds their purses at the club, either way its a no-go.
I’d also like to add:
What her place looks like. Does it look like a teenager’s room with pink accessories? Or does it have no personality at all? what someone’s actual living space looks like says a lot about them.
@knightnick
Lol @ the how her place looks
Reminds me of this woman who has Hello Kitty everything in her bedroom. I’m talkin’ pink bed spread, lamp, and pillows. I thought to myself, what grown a** man is going to get down in this…decor? Unless he’s into feeling like R. Kelly, then it’s a wrap for real!
I’ve newly discovered VSB and posts like this are why I love ya’ll! #3 in particular almost made me choke on my breakfast. Thanks for being honest but bringing me some laughter at the same time.
thanks. welcome and sh*t
Hair is big but I would like to go a little further and just say UPKEEP….if you get a weave get a good one not that detachable face helmet shit …hate those…and I might be alone on this one but I HATE seeing girls with chipped polish on their hands or feet…….oh yeah one last thing I hate seeing girls in dirty sneakers( better not be reebok classics) and if they dirty reebok classics you are a failure at life and need to swan dive in an empty pool
lol, from reading your comment, it sounds like you probably should try to make the upgrade from girls to women sometime soon
Chicks still wear Reebok Classics?
@CPT Callamity,
“Chicks still wear Reebok Classics?”
Yup, I still see it. Actually, I think my sister got a pair. She thinks they’re super comfy. Now what would REALLY surprise me to see today is someone rockin’ some damn British Knights.
I hate seeing girls in dirty sneakers
Even after they ran through mud on a hiking trail?
Positively dead @ “detachable face helmet sh1t”… Lol!
Great points but I had to talk about your sneaker comments….As a medical student who is in surgery and scrubs on a daily bases per my rotation, I can say my work sneakers have been through it but they are for work. I don’t even wear sneakers outside of work, but if a guys sees me on my daily walk to the OR, id hate for him to “X” me out because my shoes are not glistening white.
Also my place is always clean (bio major) but not always decorated and all because I stay busy. I hope it changes when i start getting pain cos i’m def getting a maid to handle all that as a surgeons lifestyle is rather ridiculous and I would like to have some free time to devote to family and such. I just think these “persnickity” rules or lists should accommodate for different women in different professions.
But big things like character and such can be broadly applied.
One of the first things I look for is how she interacts with all men…
for example, is that your bubbly, friendly, flirtly personality with everyone? if so…what makes me so special? Not saying you gotta be walkin around muggin everybody you see, but if shes no different with me (in a positive aspect) then she is with anybody else that could be a red flag of untrustworthyness.
Yeah, I’ve heard the same thing. A man watches his women amongst other men or even his boys…and it’s very important how we interact.
Yup, definitely heard this one too. I’ve heard it so much that I’m very conscious of it now. lol
is that your bubbly, friendly, flirtly personality with everyone? if so…what makes me so special?
Again, this depends highly on the man OR the woman… I am bubbly, friendly by nature. What makes you so special is that I actually AM with you. Again it takes a certain type of men to be with a certain type of woman. So a guy like you should not go for a girl like this because otherwise you will have to CHANGE them to suit your needs… and we all know that’s always no bueno.
@Sula
Not necessarily babygurl. Lets not get it twisted. There IS a definent difference between insecure and being very aware of how your girl acts around other guys. It tells alot. Nobody’s saying you can’t be yourself or the be tha life of the party if that’s your steez. But no real cat that I KNOW is gonna be okay with his girl showing strange azz ninjas tha same attention that he should get in private. If it is he’s most likely a punk and she’s probably an attention whore. Let’s keep it real now..
I see that we agree. It takes all kinds to make the world. You are just not the kind for the kind of bubbly, ebulliant girl is all…
Some guys can handle it, some not so much. And as long as everybody knows where they fit, everybody is happy.
The problem will arise if a guy like you decides to get with a girl like me. Errr… no. I am not going to stop going out and hanging with my friends, and smiling and being the life of the party just because a dude expects me to. I will just let him go and find someone who doesn’t mind it… they do exist. I am engaged to one.
Lol. Ok, I’m gonna take that response as a sign that you mistakenly read completely ova my reply to your post. Just 4 sh*ts and giggles babygurl, I’ll repost tha portion below that should’ve caught your eye:
There IS a definent difference between insecure and being very aware of how your girl acts around other guys. It tells alot. Nobody’s saying you can’t be yourself or the be tha life of the party if that’s your steez.
Hey, if yo dude likes it…i luv it. I just expect my woman to hold something back for her man when tha situation calls for it. You’re right though, I probably wouldn’t be interested in an “ebulliant” gurl such as yourself. lol. You say “tomato”, I say “next”.
Still luv ya like a internet stranger though!! *smile*
@TX10Inch,
I didn’t read over it… I actually read through it, but I tried (like I am wont to do) to pull the best out of it… But I actually did read it thoroughly… I found it funny that someone whose handle is TX10inch would mention anything to do with “attention whoring” but decided to let it slide… This is the Internet fam and all…
But like you said, Tomato and next are 2 perfectly fine answers to this.
@Sula
I found it funny that someone whose handle is TX10inch would mention anything to do with “attention whoring” but decided to let it slide… This is the Internet fam and all…
LMAO…touche’. *shrugs* what can i say? thought it was funny to me@ tha time while keepin it real. but if i’m not mistaken, you from Houston too, so we gotta keep it internet fam…no hard feelins up in here…
I can respect this list.
I really do care about a man’s relationship with his Mother. Granted, if your mother was abusive or abandoned you or something along those lines…I can imagine why you would be a little salty towards her…but, I have even seen those types of relationships repaired before. I don’t think you should ever have real beef with your mama…If you do I’ma side-eye you real quick…..if you haven’t spoken to your mama in more than a year over some bull isht….disqualified.
I really do care if you dont believe in MY God. I’m talking Jesus…not, Buddha or Allah. We are probably not gonna make it otherwise….
These are just my main two things..that get red flagged right off break….
“if you haven’t spoken to your mama in more than a year over some bull isht….disqualified.”
yeah. unless your mom was livia soprano, there’s no excuse for this
“…..if you haven’t spoken to your mama in more than a year over some bull isht….disqualified.
I really do care if you dont believe in MY God. I’m talking Jesus…not, Buddha or Allah. We are probably not gonna make it otherwise….”
Yes ma’am to both of these points!
# 1 is really important.It’s never happend to me but I’ve seen the strife from the activity or relationships of “friends” seep into the homelife of couples and almost destroy it. Drama ladened friends aren’t good for domestic bliss.
#3 If everyone of your exes happen to fall into a category that we find troubling this usually leads to a “what the hell is wrong with me?” moment.
#5 There’s nothing more oft putting than you cracking up a something and the person your with is sitting next to you stoned-faced.
I’m going to add your relationship with your family. Family is a great thing. They helped make the both of you who you are but too much mama and nem will scuttle marriages, credit ratings, weddings, pool parties, co-habitation, and 4th of July bbq’s faster than anything known to man.
I went on a first date with a girl and we saw Anchorman when it came out. I was laughing hysterically the whole time and she was sitting there like we were watching footage of a lumpectomy. I judged her.
… and you had every right to do so!
I once dated a guy who said he wasn’t into movies like X-Men because it was “too futuristic”…. See giant side eye…. He turned out to be a Major Diva Dude…. Taste in movies is a very valid litmus test!!
I can agree with you judgeing her. If she didn’t at least snicker during the fight scene then she has no soul and probably belongs to a coven of succubi who would have only made your life miserable.You did the right thing.
I just watched Anchorman last weekend. And laughed like it was my first time seeing it.
“#5 There’s nothing more oft putting than you cracking up a something and the person your with is sitting next to you stoned-faced.”
Totally agree.
I’m more attuned to him as an individual character. I want to see how he interacts with life. I’ve Iearned not to place a status on folks based on who they hang around or where they’ve been. I’ve been wrong too many times for that. I’m more interested in where he’s come from and how he got here…strength, progression, determination, that’s my silent version of a “credit check” lol.
I disagree on the hair thing. My hair is naturally curly, but I’ll press is straight often. Right now my hair color is honey but I’ve dyed it every color under the sun from black, red, even blonde and my ex loved it. He loved the different looks but one thing I never did was cut it short. He once mentioned he didn’t like short hair. My hair is long so that is a plus but my point is…you can change your hair as long as it looks good.
Question: What about bedroom performance (besides being excited)…I’ve heard men will cheat or even leave if you cant ride good or “take it” in his fav positions. ???
Brothas typically dont care about these minor changes. Curly hair to straight hair, if anything it just looks like we have more hair to pull on once straightened. UPGRADE!!! But i bet you if you had without consulting cut your hair or done a another major change like dreads, braids he might be like hold up, hold uppp.
Bedroom performance is big! This is different depending on the individual though. They say silence is golden, but I find it to be more creepy than anything. As much as I love to hear the sound of *pit pat pit pat* I would prefer to hear some other noises and not you trying to make sure no noises come out while I can see your eyes rolling to the back of your head lookin like some ish out of the Exorcist. Baby just let it out!! As far as riding good i do think these things can be taught, now if they are NOT willing to learn to do what pleases you how will we make a union that lasts forever work?!?!? To the educated sistahs, yes we will leave you for not giving head. Furthermore after I have said what I like in head and I notice you are slow to act just 1 too many times(cuz i have NO delay if i can get a taste) then I will be turned off and you might just not get a call back. You can teach a old dog new tricks although I would prefer to buy the one that already knows how to do what I want, no need to be coy and act brand new to the game for propriety sake.
Well damn coldsweat3…okay okay. I hear you. Like Katt Williams said…”if you don’t want to give him head..he’ll find a raggidy b*tch who will”
exactly and I should not have to summarize our bedroom experience as “Trying s***, Trying s***…Dont work. Trying s***, Trying s***..Dont work”
Hahaaa! I’m a firm believer that “It’s Pimpin, Pimpin” can be used in real life situations. This was excellent real life application, sir.
This is actually pretty interesting, because I have dreads and my boyfriend would be tight with me if I got a perm…to each his own I guess.
“I disagree on the hair thing”
what exactly do you disagree with? from what you said, you didnt make any drastic changes
“Question: What about bedroom performance (besides being excited)…I’ve heard men will cheat or even leave if you cant ride good or “take it” in his fav positions.???”
a man who wants to cheat will cheat regardless of what you do. at the same time, wack sex (or lack of sex in general) might cause friction, which causes second-guessing, which sometimes gives someone the inspiration they need to start considering outside sources.
I see now hair color isn’t drastic.
I just thought of something: there’s so much emphasis on us, what about the man? Every man likes to feel like his stroke is the ish…however…
Most women will just lay there and pretend to be aroused, fake an o, etc. Should women leave? Not the women I know.
Speak up dammit, its your sexual experience too!!! We want to please you and the only way we will know how is if you open your mouth(no pun). You don’t have to go around and being completely blunt after all sex is something that is very mental and if you make him feel completely inadequate your in for a lot of quickies as he will feel the pressure to perform. I could take a chick telling me how to improve. Most of the time what we like sexually is because of who we were with prior to and we assume it will work with everyone. But just as every key wont start the engine(I take it you get the metaphor) every dude on the first try wont make her say “Dick so good make you wanna slap some body” please youtube vagina power/penis power on youtube. You shouldn’t continue to miss out sexually because your afraid to speak up/hurt his feelings. Trust me we will enjoy hitting it wherever and whatever way you like even if that means holding my arms backwards on some damn monkey bars!
Well damn coldsweat3…okay okay. The vid was funny btw
#6. Chuuch. Thats so true. My sister clowns me and says that I’m a chickenhead for brainy chicks.. As men, we’re kinda lumbering, simple-minded folk… I need a woman who gets things that I don’t.. In my head, I alway have this Lucy and Desi scenario..
And an addition to this list (maybe its just me) is a woman’s diet.. Once you get past 25 you realize that the only way ANYONE is going to be healthy and look sexy into their 40′s and 50′s is if they have the proper diet and exercise regimen.. Also, I’ve heard poopin out kids can be the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back(waistline).. The older I get the more important it becomes that women i date show exhibit habits that lead to longterm sustainable health – physically, mentally and emotionally..
welcome and sh*t, and co-sign to each of your points
“And an addition to this list (maybe its just me) is a woman’s diet.”
Maaaaaaan….
*Gunshots* I co-sign heavily.
A man’s diet and excercise habit. There has to be some sort of balance. I’m not saying he has to eat straw and workout 5 hours a day, but he should be aware of what he’s putting in his body and be in shape. I don’t want a pregnant man.
Ability to try new things. So many times I come across men who don’t want to travel…don’t want to try new foods…don’t want to try a new activity
position. Being narrow minded is not cool.“…don’t want to try new foods”
see, i dont see the purpose in trying new foods just for the sake of trying them. food is sacred to us, and ruining our meal with some experimental sh*t will ruin our day as well.
I can dig that. Sometimes you just want to eat, and you don’t want to be bothered w/ some new ish. But I get tired of ninjas that want to eat at the same places…eating the same things. Switch it up a bit.
@LaBakir
“Sometimes you just want to eat, and you don’t want to be bothered w/ some new ish. But I get tired of ninjas that want to eat at the same places”
You know this can be taken two different ways?
@ Humble_One
Please…don’t start. I’m trying to rid my mind of unclean thoughts>
*snickers*
“see, i dont see the purpose in trying new foods just for the sake of trying them. food is sacred to us, and ruining our meal with some experimental sh*t will ruin our day as well.”
See, Champ I normally hatechu, but this on on point! I’m open to trying new foods, but only in circumstances where experimenting is the main reason for being there. Usually when I get something bad at the restaurant (i.e. getting my order wrong, like undercooking something), I lose my appetite for the entire duration and it does ruin my meal.
But, I do like trying new places and usually I find at least ONE thing I like at the place.
DISCLAIMER: there are men who like to cook.. there are men who genuinely view eating as an activity akin to “going to the movies” – i.e. something they find edifying and not just an act of survival. That is completely respectable.. However, that is not me and IMO not how most dudes are..
So yeah, eating for a man is like using the washroom and sleeping. It’s more something we do out of necessity than something that we’re attached to. That’s why its alot easier for dudes to lose weight (beyond the metabolic advantage we have), bc we’re not tethered to how food tastes like a lot of women. As such, we eat to get full, not to eat. This is why I don’t like trying new foods. It’s not that I’m against it, its just that at 31 im well-versed in how to get full.
Food for guys is like meeting new guy-friends *pause*. Once we hit like 25, we’re pretty much good with the list we have, and barring something on that list being grossly unhealthy, we’re not really gonna change it.. If we can add to it, uh, thats cool i guess, but if not, we’re still gonna watch ESPN atleast three times a day* so who cares??
*It took my ex-gf 1.5 yrs of us dating (and living together) before she realized that there are only new Sportcenters like three times a day and when I watched them back to back, it was just bc the Celtics/Red Sox/Patriots had won the previous day..
Being narrow minded is not cool.
That’s one of my most important deal breakers. I mean really, I don’t even associate with people I perceive as not open-minded… so a non open-minded mate is not happening. I once went on an outing with a new “love” interest. Now my crew is kinda like a Benetton ad, I mean there is a little bit of everything under the sun… Can you believe that fool was mean mugging all night and acting all kinds of socially awkward… Then ninja had the nerve to tell me, “he couldn’t get some of those people accents”: Dude?? You have a HEAVY accent your daggone self, ugh! I was so mad and heated, I completely purged him from my life. Ugh. Just recalling that episode makes my blood boil.
*whoosah*
“Then ninja had the nerve to tell me, “he couldn’t get some of those people accents”: Dude?? You have a HEAVY accent your daggone self, ugh!”
This reminds me of how it cracks me up when folks say, “Oooh, I love men with accents”. WHAT accent? You have an accent yo damn self, you just may not notice it because it’s you. Everyone has accents, frankly. Please specify.
@Sula
WOW….I know a dude like that. I just can’t get with it. Sorry. Unless it’s some ish like hang gliding (nobody is strapping me the back of a dang kite and pushing me off a cliff) and you have a fear of something…why not try it? I’m not saying order the whole meal…or go skating every weekend…or hang w/ my friends all the time…but try these things with a open mind.
To some extent we’re all creatures of habit…but dang
WOW….I know a dude like that.
Funny, the dude in question lives in New Jersey… Lol!
@Sula
Stop the madness! And for some reason I’m guessing this joker is from North Jersey…so I can’t even blame it on those country South Jersey folks
My apologies,lol
@LaBakir
“Stop the madness! And for some reason I’m guessing this joker is from North Jersey…so I can’t even blame it on those country South Jersey folks”
Is Newark North Jersey and Camden South Jersey? What’s the difference in cities?
Oh, and your feet.
Now I don’t expect them to be pretty. Feet are generally a not so cute body part. HOWEVER just b/c your a man doesn’t give you the right to have them funky, w/ jagged toenails and crap! Maintain them suckas!
Co-sign on the maintenance of feet. You shan’t be cuttin MY legs to bleedin w/the talons. Kthanksbye.
There’s a lot of commentary on here, so excuse me if I repeated someone’s list-don’t have a lot of time to read through the diatribe.
First off I’m happily married to a very smart brotha, he is currently doing a clerkship for one of the state’s supreme court justices, so this is coming from true experience of what I think Black women should care or at least ponder over before dating potential husband material ( 8yrs of marital partnership-its been a fun ride this Aug)
1# Showing initiative- (ie..Being about business, a brotha that is working hard for a living (doesn’t have to be 6-figures, but a J.O.B.-or with the economy like it is, at least actively searching…TRYING)
2# Good relationship with his mother- not talking Momma’s Boy, but one brotha that can call his mom, make sure she is doing alright, treating her with ultimate respect (i.e foreshadow -this is how he will treat you
3# Can read a map
it is nice to know that if we were lost- we don’t have to rely on GPS or some automated service, know how to go old’ school and read a paper map.
4# Honesty- this is so sexy and my man has got it going on in this category…putting all your cards on the table-no poker face…let’s you know how things are regarding his feelings/ his thoughts..whatevah!!
5# Sense of humor- life is too hard already, knowing how to laugh, crack a smile makes a whole world of difference
Lastily- #6 Most important, having the same moral compass (i.e. God relationship- unequally yoked will get you NO WHERE!!!) will constantly bump heads everytime (not the good bumping either
Peace
I’m am all of these things except #6. But eh…life’s tough.
welcome and sh*t
“2# Good relationship with his mother- not talking Momma’s Boy, but one brotha that can call his mom, make sure she is doing alright, treating her with ultimate respect (i.e foreshadow -this is how he will treat you”
I agree, a NORMAL relationship with your mom is sexy. A Mama’s Boy actually, to me, ain’t really a good relationship. It’s actually kinda unhealthy. It reeks of co-dependancy. I mean, some people call any guy who is close to his mother a “mama’s boy”, so I don’t mean the basic kind, I mean the kind that spill over into YOUR relationship. The kind where the chick is pretty much dating the mother, too, she’s so deep in their damn business.
LOL only one thing Champ don’t let reinvention shake you up……..I don;t know about other women but I like to change my hair up quite often, I like to reinvent my look, I don’t it as much these days. but I feel thats a good practice for every women, does wonders for the self esteem etc doesn’t mean I am not committed to said man/husband/ relationship at all.
“I don;t know about other women but I like to change my hair up quite often, I like to reinvent my look”
thats great. again, i’m not saying that women aren’t allowed to do whatever you want to your hair. i’m just giving some background as to why it matters to us.
Hair change = style change
Occupation change = life change
You really can’t compare these two as an example of how serious hair is to guys. I’m not going to ask a guy’s opinion everytime I go to the salon. Is he dating me or my hair?
And why is he so invested in my hair in the first place? Idk many guys sooo focused on my hairstyle. He might get a side-eye from me. What you know about press, perm, weave, braids, twist, lacefront, etc…and how did you obtain this knowledge? Some girls don’t even know all the varieties….
“Hair change = style change
Occupation change = life change
You really can’t compare these two as an example of how serious hair is to guys. I’m not going to ask a guy’s opinion everytime I go to the salon. Is he dating me or my hair?”
lol. this is actually getting kind of funny now.
look, you can argue forever about whether or not this (your hair) SHOULD matter. i (and the rest of the men leaving comments today) am merely telling you that for us, it DOES. this is just one of those things that guys care about.
“lol. this is actually getting kind of funny now.”
Is it, Champ? is it? LOL deez.
I think you need to look more closely at the “why” it matters to you.
I think the reason it matters for us is for a few reasons. As yesterdays post implied appearance matters and Men make alot of judgements/opinions about a woman based on how she looked, one of those main things that would factor in is her hair. Just is. Those pictures they posted were pretty on point. So drastic hairstyle changes we are thinking dang whats going on internally. I think that many women on VSB who are objecting are taking it that they can have a hairstyle change even if minor(From a dudes perspective). Minor to us is you getting a weave, getting your regularly scheduled perm, press, maybe even a mild color change, some bangs whatever. While yes you do look different with these looks to us its nothing that seems like a completely different stylistic change. Also, we become accustomed to you lookng a certain way and to change that could have bad results. If one of us who kept a weekly shape up came up to you and was like baby imma grow out a fro and that ungroomed Anthony Hamilton aka what are these pubes doing on my cheek look you may be slightly less attrractive to us. So will a simple conversation hurt? No. Will me looking at another woman because her hair is more like what I like? Yes. Actions have consequences…lol
Furthermore as black people can we stop trynna give every brotha a side-eye because he knows information about the opposite sex. I mean so what if he knows the difference between a perm, press, twist, lacefronts and etc(most of which you can visually tell) that does not need to raise suspicion. Clearly he was at least around women to learn the difference, perhaps he has a sister or mamma.
Actually, I kinda get where men are coming from with the hair. I mean, yeah, I’mma do what I want with it, but when someone up there said that hair is a major factor in what made him approach you in the first place, then sure I could understand why it’s important. Then again, from a woman’s point of view, I’d like to think that now that we’re in a relationshp and you’ve gotten to know me, the other things you like about me should trump a hairstyle. But again, “hair” may be a big standard for some men. I guess it’s — while this is extreme I know — Heidi Montag taking Cat Lady’s face and putting it on hers. What if Spencer liked her old cute nose, for example? Now she completely changed it. Along with any feature that made her look human.
Actually, I kinda get where men are coming from with the hair.
me too surprisingly! Lol!
I totally get it!!
I’m sorry let’s say I was with my boo Maxwell and he had locs. And the next day he walked in without locs….without ANY type of discussion with me or a heads. I would be pissed. I’m make him go find his chopped locs, bag ‘em up and bring them back to me so I could make a wig out of them. He would then have to wear said wig and over the next few days he would discuss the cutting of his locs with me, and once I was okay with his decision, he could take the wig off.
Ok but then does it become a deal breaker for the relationship? It shouldn’t change how you feel towards the girl.
btw…still no welcome and sh*t? I’m disappointed in you Champ lol
I probably can speak for most of us (women) when I say that we care about how a man talks about other women (including his exes). When I’m getting to know a guy and he constantly refers to his ex as a “crazy bish”…..my red flag rises straight to the sky. I mean, even if she was….why put her on blast to me?? That only translates as: the minute I piss you off, then you will be telling someone that i’m a crazy bish.
Also, I think we care about a guy’s friends as well. Nothing is worse than knowing your man’s friends all cheat on their SO’s. Immediately we’re thinking….”it’s only a matter of time before he does the same to me”. SMH
Girl, I should have read your comment before posting.
Yeah, the way a man talks about other women in general is a telltale sign of where his mind is… Maybe it’s the womanist in me (shout out Sister Toldja), but I don’t take hints of mysogyny really well… If a guy even has a slight smell of mysogyny, I am out. And I hold my girlfriends to the same standard… There will be no mass hating of women when I am around. Thanxmuch.
#5 is so very vital. Far too many women just leave the funny up to the man, and that includes creating the funny and understanding the funny, both. Too many women act like humor is the male version of a woman being able to iron well or sew – like “that’s his job”. My thing is, you don’t hav eto think I’m funny, I just want you to *detect* that I just cracked a joke. Even just be like “I see what you did there.”
A woman’s relationship with her family is VERY important.
After dealing with someone who had IMHO dysfunctional relationships with family members it is a tell-tale sign of issues. Sisters lying to each other, not talking to brothers, cheating parents are signs that I need to not pursue you seriously.
Her relationship with her father and mother.
It seems that some women confuse their relationship with their father and mate. Your father treated you like a princess, let you get away with stuff, and spoiled you because he is your FATHER. I don’t want a woman looking at me to be their father. Been there done that and I’m not going back.
Ex-boyfriends/taste in men
People grow and change. But some women seem to hang on to knuckleheads longer than others. If you always seem to choose players, gangsters, pro-athletes, etc. I need to do really think twice before dealing with you. Why you feel the need to keep contact with a dude that wasn’t about ish when you were with him and still isn’t about ish with other women and tell you about it baffles me. I just assume that some women have a permanent bond to whomever they sleep with. I would like to ignore the past but in my experience women’s choices in men can have a effect on the current guy. For a while I was attracting the ex-girlfriends of athletes and drug-dealers and I don’t want to go through that again.
coital cheerfulness/libido
A woman acting like sex is a chore or thinks she is doing you a favor by having sex or thinks you can be pacified by sex is deal breaker. Men want a woman that enjoys sex with him as much as she enjoys it with her. I’ve been accused of being stingy with the d**k. It’s not that I’m stingy I’m far from it but if you act like the things I listed above I won’t touch you. I’m not some simple caveman gorilla type of ninja.
your brain
Cosign this one. I love a smart woman. Especially a woman smarter than me. One of the most frustrating and aggravating things is being with a woman that doesn’t have a clue. It’s annoying when someone always comes to you for answers and you can’t go to them. It’s also bothersome when you see the seriousness in something e.g. financial reform, cap and trade, and she is totally blank on it.
Cosign on the family drama. It never fails: you will be drawn into whatever family drama is happening. And if your family is (for the most part) drama free that just makes it all the more annoying.
Lol@ coital cheerfulness
Well, I guess if you’re gonna do it, do it with a smile
It’s annoying when someone always comes to you for answers and you can’t go to them
Never thought about it this way, but it makes a tremendous amount of sense.
I can deal with the list. I think I’m good on all of them. Not so much feeling the hair comment, but I could see how a drastic change could be confusing.
**is there anything about men that you care about much more than we think you do? **
I ditto upbringing, relationship with mom, reason why last relationship failed and someones comment about a blank body canvas
I’d like to add manners – Its seems guys think there are no old school ladies left, a lil chivalry still goes a long way. I know some women don’t appreciate it and after a few women give you a side eye for holding the door you figure what’s the point? But please don’t make the rest of us suffer.
Just this past weekend I met a guy who d@mn near slapped my hand when I reached for a door. He apologized on the behalf of men everywhere for the dudes I’d been dealing with who apparently lead me to believe it was ok for me to open my own door. His stock skyrocketed for that.
The comment I identify with the least, is the whole “no switching hair” comment.. I like when a woman switches up her hair for almost the same reason I like when a woman doesn’t regularly wear make-up.. I like it when a woman is naturally beautiful. A woman that looks good through different styles (short, long, natural, etc) is one that is genuinely beautiful. I stay not understanding dudes who like any highyellow chick with long hair all in her face.. I dont get that.
Also, I really dislike weaves. I think most men do, right? Like I’d rather a chick rock a baldy than have fake hair.. I just find it so unnecessary… and you can’t pull it during chex.. so what good is it??
@n8te
uhhh…you can pull a sew-in. You may not be able to get your hands all in it but you can tug at it.
@OftenConfused,
“uhhh…you can pull a sew-in. You may not be able to get your hands all in it but you can tug at it.”
LOL, right? Why do ninja’s say this like sew-ins are so dayum fragile? Do you mean, a wig? One advantage of sew-ins over just throwin’ on a wig is that it’s more secure. lol
I like when a woman switches up her hair for almost the same reason
And that’s why I was trying to tell the ladies… A guy that you date will be able to sense those things about you and either be ok with them and stay or not be ok with them and bounce.
I repeat, I am the world’s worst hair changer ever. Lol. And it doesn’t seem to have played a very big part of my dating life… at all. It probably enhanced it actually.
Finally!!! I think the whole switching up thing was code for “don’t come up in here all India Arie’d”. But alas, even when ninjas have been schooled on where the whole preference for long haired thick redbones, aka the societally endorsed and enforced hair complex going back to slavery, comes from, they say fuck it. They’d rather have you match their complex, than to deal with the problem…pitiful. And the fact that some Negroes prefer asian dumpster hair-weaves (watch ‘Good Hair’) to our natural locks is silly. Plus, men should be grateful sisters can rock the TWA and still look so fly. Did you see Natalie Portman after she cut her hair in V for Vendetta…mmm, not so much.
@OftenConfused
“Just this past weekend I met a guy who d@mn near slapped my hand when I reached for a door. He apologized on the behalf of men everywhere for the dudes I’d been dealing with who apparently lead me to believe it was ok for me to open my own door. His stock skyrocketed for that.”
Total cosign…I used to think dudes were trying to car jack me walking me to my car at night…who knew they were just making sure I left safely…that of course was many moons ago…YES manners, chivalry is mandatory!!!
i just needed to hear “can i be a man, please?” one time and i checked myself.. i’ve been a tomboy for wayy to long..
now.. if i get to the door before you, i’ll stand there and wait for you to do what you’re supposed to..
and yes, when you open my car door, i’ll lean across and get yours.. (it’s only fair).. it helps you get in the car faster.. cuz truth be told, we can’t go anywhere til you’re in the car too.. lol..
growin up without a daddy ain’t cute..
“i’ve been a tomboy for wayy to long..
now.. if i get to the door before you, i’ll stand there and wait for you to do what you’re supposed to..”
This is me! I often have to catch myself for just going to open the door my damn self when a man happens to be in a group with women. I do make a point to let him do it when I’m with him alone, though. But, I never think about it when in a group, I just say, hell, whoever makes it to the door first. When I’m out with my coworkers, my male coworker (who is super sweet and chivalrous) basically sprints to the door before we get there so he can open it. It’s cute.
my male coworker (who is super sweet and chivalrous) basically sprints to the door before we get there so he can open it. It’s cute. .
I used to walk down for coffee in the morning with a male coworker. He thought it was hilarious (meaning he loved that sh*t) how I would literally stand at the door until he opened it.
and yes, when you open my car door, i’ll lean across and get yours.. (it’s only fair).. it helps you get in the car faster.. cuz truth be told, we can’t go anywhere til you’re in the car too.. lol..
^ I always did this. Dudes thought I saw “A Bronx Tale”, but I did it as a little girl for my father when he opened the door for me. I’m with you. makes total sense and being decent is a two-way street.
@ coldsweat and resident gritz,
if nothing has ever come close to happening in fifteen years, why now? Frankly I’m no where near sexually attracted to this woman. She is morbitly obese…and we talk about it.
Well my brotha first, who describes their friends that way? Damn can you just say your not sexually attracted to her. This is clearly one of your best friends with the 15yr friendship and the morbidly obese comment seems kinda offensive. Never let a female friend hear you describe one of the people closest to you in this way fyi you may make them insecure or feel as though youll be quick to roast them. but I digress. As I said in your post unless they are ugly, encompasses things that we dont find sexually appealing to us. If your friend is morbidly obese as you say she is then I am sure whoever your with(unless also a big girl) may not be too intimidated. However, if your one of those brothas that looks like they date white women(cuz alot of brothas that do get the most RAGGEDY white girl they can find and whose big) then maybe she still may be worried, after all….Big Girls need love too!
This is clearly one of your best friends with the 15yr friendship and the morbidly obese comment seems kinda offensive.
I was about to say!
#1 and #3 are spot on, and they go together like interlaced fingers on clasped hands. The company one keeps, both romantically and otherwise, speaks volumes about the individual.
Something that I care about that maybe I shouldn’t….
Well…I’ll give an example…I used to have a crush on this guy from my high school, he had braids and facial hair and I thought he was soooo sexy. Then in college he cut his braids…sexiness level dropped from 10 to 8. Then somewhat recently he shaved his facial hair and the sexiness dropped from 8 to about a 5. Now he just looks gay to me. So in my opinion hairstyle changes really can make a big difference.
BTW: I’m a sucker for a man with facial hair…I feel like all of them needs to have it lol..that’s just my preference though. *shrugs*
I’m laughing but I know exactly what you mean. We can’t help it sometimes. lol But if I’m loving a man, he’s still sexy to me.
Yes, I remember there was an issue when I was dating a guy and went from long braids with extensions to starting locs that were pretty short. He had no way of knowing that the reason I was wearing braids (and weaves before that) was to grow out my natural hair before loccing and that I’d actually been planning it for a while. He hated it, and being that he was already revealing his azzhole tendencies, he just let them hang ALL the way out once I loced.
That guy is long gone and now the locs are long and lovely and dudes are noticing me again. But I sure as heck didn’t get much play when they were shorter. My female and gay male friends said the short look was cute ’cause it drew attention to my face. Men I was actually attracted to, however, said nothing at all, LOL.
Girl, go to DC or BK…they be ready to sop you up wit’ a biscuit if you got natural/short/dreaded hair….that’s where I started my locks, and I was mad confident
I was currently in Uptown Manhattan, where perms and braids are the norm. I now DO live in BK and there’s no problem now.
thank you Champ..
even though most of the idiots that live around me probably don’t read your blog.. i’m glad #6 made the list..
i’m a smartie.. that’s just the truth.. i know a lot of random stuff about a LOT of random stuff.. i’ve been around some people that claim they want a smart woman but get me in a conversation and they shut down the conversation because they realized they brought nothing new to the table..
don’t try to pick on me because i play jeopardy.. i will beat you, and if there’s something i don’t know, i’ll write it down and research it later..
knowledge is power.. ignorance and stupidy, a white flag..
i love a sense of humor.. mine is big, huge and in charge.. and smart comedy is EVEN better.. i need someone that can understand the greatness that is/was “arrested development”.. nuff said.. i make jokes about a lot of random stuff, and i’m gonna need homie to be able to understand the correlation.. i don’t deal with bozos.. cuz what would that say about me? lol..
and anyone that wants to touch my hair can come get it.. it’s real, and we can get it wet.. lol..
#doubleentendre
forgive me ya’ll, i got up too early this morning..
I’ll fool with you in some Jeopardy…ain’t nobody scared of you….just name the time and place.
Sign me up for that tournament as well…
A jeopardy jawn would be cool… I’m a fan of most group ish bc I win at talking sh*t. and playing spades. but mainly i like spades bc besides settin fools back like clarence thomas, im good at talking sh*t.
Someone should take the reins on this and make this happen, yo.
. i need someone that can understand the greatness that is/was “arrested development”.. nuff said..
It is so hard to find people that really appreciate how great that show was. Never missed an episode. Oh, yeah, like DG, I’m down for a game of Jeopardy any day. Trebek is my dude.
I call this phenom (Arrested Development, That 70′s show, Malcom in the Middle) when good shows happen to Fox Network… All of those shows would have reached a better target market, were they on CBS or even (to stay in the Fox family) on FX!
Fox network is made up of people who absolutely love American Idol and the likes(NTTIAWWT)… not necessarily the same target market as Arrested Development… I miss the show. sad face—>
@Sula @ComicBook Guy
I still haven’t let go of Fox sh*t canning The Sarah Connor Chronicles either. It’s like they almost hate good tv or something.
For the most part, I think women are on par with what the champ listed as things men care about. We (or maybe just I) care about the following:
1. your friends – do you have any? do you have good, solid, responsible friends who aren’t still acting like frat boys in their 30s. I would have to rethink my situation with any guy who didn’t have some inner circle of reliable guy friends. It doesn’t have to be a huge posse, but it let’s me know that they are able to recognize good people, avoid unnecessary drama and not live vicariously through your friends madness.
2. lustful libidos- as much as we may want men to treat us like a lady when they approach us, when they court us, and when they introduce us to our friends and family. nothing gets us off more than knowing that you still can’t wait more than 10 seconds to get us naked the minute we walk through your front door. don’t believe the hype, we can “talk” later.
3. your past – We care if you were a ho, just like you care if we were one. People don’t really reform unless they’ve had to pay serious consequences. So, either you’re still a ho. Or you were once a ho and you get weekly treatments that I don’t know about. We also care if you had a lot of unstable chicks in your past, we don’t like to get cut.
4. your body. – if i gotta keep it tight, so do you. (relatively tight, that is. um yeah…)
5. your sense of humor. – I like guys that can make me laugh. Dry wit, silliness, and sense of humor is a big plus for most women. I can’t stand a dude who doesn’t get jokes especially what I consider to be smart humor. In fact if your humor only ranges from Comic View to Wayan Bros films, then we have a serious problem. (maybe that’s just me)
6. Do you read? This greatly affects our conversations, my libido and all things cerebral. nuff said.
your #2 is ON POINT!!!
i wanna us to be somewhere.. you look at me across the room and i KNOW that once you get me alone it’s gon’ be “poppin like fish grease..!”
dang.. making me work all day, then having me come home AND pick up on your little signals and comments is NOT what’s hot on my block.. sometimes you gonna come and get it.. PLEASE!!
@Nick_L_Odeon
Mmph!..Gurl
#4 is really only fair. A man shouldn’t put pressure on his woman to look a certain way when he isn’t doing it at all.
“#4 is really only fair. A man shouldn’t put pressure on his woman to look a certain way when he isn’t doing it at all.”
Yes. One of my pet peeves is a floppy nicca talmbout he only want a dime. Yeah, and you’re gonna keep wanting…
“a floppy nicca”
You be killin’ me, Cheekie.
@ coldsweat,
I didn’t see it as rude. That mess is extremely unhealthy, and as I said, her and I talk about it often because I do care a hell of a lot about her. But yeah…theres just not any sexual tension there.
We (or maybe its just me) care about your exes too. I date a due whose exes -all but one- look a mess. Plain-jane-I-rarely-get-my-hair-done-and-I-shop-at-Dots kinda chicks. It makes me wonder if maybe what I see in the mirror every day is skewed. I wonder if I have the equivalent of anorexia (think I’m cuter than I actually am). Maybe I’m exactly his type. Its a scary thought.
Oh and nails. Yes fingernails. I can’t stand a man with long dirty nails. Gross. Ain’t nothing wrong with a manicure or at least purchase nail clippers.
lmfao @ “I shop at Dots”.
I know this is off topic, but I also know the VSB fam has some comic book fans past and present. Just a friendly reminder that Free Comic Book Day is tomorrow. Free, son!
Thanks for the reminder. I forget every year. Hopefully I can stop by tomorrow and pick up the Iron Man/Thor free comic.
@legitmate_soul
“I know this is off topic, but I also know the VSB fam has some comic book fans past and present. Just a friendly reminder that Free Comic Book Day is tomorrow. Free, son!”
Thanks for reminding me about this. I heard about this a month ago. I haven’t read comics since middle school. I thought I would take advantage of it since they are continuing the G.I. Joe comics from the 80s starting on Free Comic Day.
Yeah, I have that on my to do list for tomorrow. I’m still hurt that they merced Nightcrawler, but I’ll get through it.
You, too, man? Nightcrawler was one of my favorites. Seem like he was the only guy Wolverine even came close to trusting.
Yeah, it’s a short list: Cap. Storm, and maybe Spidey. The X-Folks have no moral compass now.
Good points, Champ. Good way to end off the week. I am agree with all six points:
1. Who you hang out with says a lot about you, whether you want to believe it or not.
2. Spontaneous sex is truly the best. I love being bum rushed on the couch or right out of the shower by a woman and I haven’t had any complaints about picking up a woman in mid conversation, escorting her to the bed and commence to making her feel. When sex becomes a chore or something on a to-do list, it makes the relationship pretty difficult.
3. That means more than women think when we get to know you. After awhile, being that knight in shining armor for every woman you meet because they dated nothing morons before she met you gets old.
4. I love hair, long, short, natural, curly, dreaded, it doesn’t matter. The extreme shift in hair changes can throw me off a little bit, but this is coming from a guy that didn’t experiment with braids or dreads in college. I’ve had the same haircut for about 15 years now. Like I said earlier, I am attracted to long hair because of the femininity association but short hair is not a detractor for me at all, especially if you look good as hell in it.
5. I like a woman that likes intelligent humor as well as toilet humor. A woman that only understands and makes jokes a 15 year old boy would make is so not sexy.
6. Don’t like dumb girls. Period. I want to know what’s in your head before what I get to know what is under your skirt.
Here’s a few things I pay attention to when it comes to a woman:
Her taste in music – I love music. I can’t sing, can’t play an instrument (though I am thinking about taking guitar lessons) and I can’t spit or write a verse, but I love music. Now my music tastes span from one side of the globe to the other, so I don’t expect a woman be as much as a oddball about music as I am. I do like a woman that has diverse music tastes and can expose me to something new to listen. If your music tastes are based on what is only on the radio, NEXT, because radio does suck nowadays unless you listen to stations that play classic music. Music is honestly how I connect to people everywhere I go. I tell people the best way to get to know me is to go through my Ipod. That will pretty much tell you all you need to know.
Her aesthetic belief system – My high school art teacher taught me this my junior year and I have kept it close to me. It is pretty much what a woman finds beautiful and what she finds beauty in, music, flowers, clothes, colors, people, anything. What a woman finds beautiful leads to finding out the things that make her smile and make her happy, and possibly horny.
Her form of escapism – I mentioned this on yesterday’s post. What a woman does to get away from everyone or everything tells me a lot about her. Whether she reads, writes poetry, draws, paints, knits, whatever, what she does to escape from life tells me about her hobbies and if she actually has a life.
though I am thinking about taking guitar lessons
I was thinking about that as well. After playing Guitar Hero w/ my mentees…I now have a new appreciation for the guitar. I’ve been listening for them in songs now.
I played the trumpet and the drums. I couldn’t read the music for the trumpet very well and played by ear and looking at the teacher and made it through the class as a top student. The drums were much easier and I actually want a drum set when I get a bigger place. I was highly pissed when we moved and I entered a new school…and couldn’t play the drums b/c they already had a player.
they gave me a cow bell
*dry face*
Remember when I told you to check out “Lenny” by Stevie Ray Vaughan? Stuff like that makes me want to learn guitar. My best friend is a beast on it and I always had an appreciation for it in music, but Rock Band and Guitar Hero really added to it.
That sucks about the cowbell, no matter how funny that SNL skit is.
Yeah man, I’m at beast on Stevie Wonder’s “Superstistion” LOL! Oh, and “Beat It”
Absolutely nothing funny about that cow bell. I resented that fat arse greasy head kid for the longest (for being the drummer). I just moved from Newark to the burbs and that rubbed me the wrong way for sure,lol
You know, I can honestly see you as a drummer in a band, almost like the drummer in Lenny Kravitz’s band, with the neck choker and everything.
Stevie Ray Vaughan .
OMG my boss LOVES him!! Absolutely loves him. His fascination with him drives me bananas!
I am fascinated by SRV, too. I got my love for him from my mom and watching Austin City Limits as a kid. That man was a god on the guitar.
@LaBakir
“they gave me a cow bell
*dry face*”
LMAO. This was funny as hell. They could have at least give you something played a key. I use to play the saxophone.
Yeah, but I would’ve been starting from scratch…the percussion was my thing
they could’ve at least given me some bongos or something
“they gave me a cow bell
*dry face*”
*snort* Shoulda gave that to Christopher Walken.
I LOVE me some acoustic guitar performances so a nicca who could play a guitar will earn beaucoup points.
@CBG
your explanation for #4 redeemed you from your reply to my question about guys and the love of long hair. Lol. As long as short hair sisters can get some love too…we cool (my hair hits a lil past my shoulders now, but I long to chop it off)
I like your additions. Especially #2. I think I fail at number one though. I like music, (used to) play the violin and piano, love concerts, checking out local live bands, but I have to admit I don’t seek out music. Especially different genres. I’m open to it though. This is actually on my wishlist of guy qualities so he can expose me to some things.
Not a problem. Love short hair, too, especially if you are sexy in it. I have friends that have long beautiful hair that cut it off just to make a change and they actually have become hotter because of it because you are more drawn in to their face, so I bet the same thing happens, too.
I mean to say that same thing happens to you, too.
Sorry, I’m hungry.
Welcome and sh*t to me by the way.
Welcome and sh*t. The welcome committee is on vacation, so I fill in. Please note, I’m feeling lazy today so no glitter for you.
I think this was mentioned briefly, but i think that women are way more concerned with facial hair than most men realize. I have very strong preferences, but voicing them in a previous relationship led to so much strife that now i just keep it to myself (and judge silently). For the record, i prefer beards, manly stubble, or nothing at all. Goatees are icky and mustaches remind me of my dad.
On a more personal note, i absolutely will not ever date a picky eater. To me it says a lot about one’s character and their upbringing. But that is definitely just me and not something i think all women concern themselves with.
Great post. #6 left me in a quandary. Men like women who are smarter than they are, and i like men who are smarter than i. It’s either a catch 22, a win-win, or a myself and my current and past SOs are operating under misconceptions about our own or each others intelligence.
**On a more personal note**
The facial hair preference wasn’t personal??
**i absolutely will not ever date a picky eater. To me it says a lot about one’s character and their upbringing.**
I sure hope the guys feel this way. I’m the pickiest eater ever! I have no idea what this has to do with upbringing (sure I probably don’t eat seafood because my mom is allergic but my sis does) actually my sister eats everything.
**Great post. #6 left me in a quandary. Men like women who are smarter than they are, and i like men who are smarter than i.**
This has potential to be a problem as I agree I like smart men. I think the solution is for your intelligence to complement one anothers. One person can’t know everything.
I like smart men who “think” that they are just slightly smarter than me. That way they are not intimidated by me, but they also know better than to underestimate me. Keeps us both on our toes!
On a more personal note, i absolutely will not ever date a picky eater. To me it says a lot about one’s character and their upbringing. But that is definitely just me and not something i think all women concern themselves with.
I will join the boat of not dating picky eaters. it’s well documented that I do NOT trust picky eater. There is just something odd about putting that much importance on a 30 s experience that you can actually spit right out… yup, don’t trust picky eaters. Lol!
Laughing at his jokes was pretty much in my wedding vows. I like to say I’m contractually obligated.
; )
There is nothing more annoying than someone you’re dating asking you if they should shave their head and when you honestly tell them they would look a goddamn mess, they come back looking like a 8-ball that came alive. SMH.
I can cosign on people making crazy-ass decisions without any forethought or consultation. It shows that you have little concern for the SO’s feelings and that you don’t really value their opinion or consider it to be a very important factor in your decision-making. It’s straight selfishness and intuitive people take warnings like those as signs of trouble afoot.
they come back looking like a 8-ball that came alive. .
I quit this b*tch! LMAO
Here is the thing about #4 (just my opinion):
It’s normal for men to have standards, likes and dislikes. You may find yourself more attracted to dreds than weaves or short than long. But any man that stresses about a relationship because their wife or girlfriend changes hair color or hair length is a bitch. Exceptions: if a woman goes from natural to weave/fake. Over the top blonde on ethnic women. Men should acknowledge that women have things going on about hair, shoes and purses that we just don’t understand-so don’t be a diva dude and make them stress more.
#6 Obviously Champ is a true modern VSB and loves the intellectual side of womanhood. While this is not uncommon amonst educated VSB, it is not the norm throughout the world. Dumb chics are by and large more attractive to men because of male ego. The only thing that makes men more insecure than accomplished women are the men that marry them. **SEE OBAMA** I am a VSB married to a surgeon of mixed heritage. She’s looks spanish/anglo but is simply half black half white. Men make complete idiots out of themselves trying to compensate for the fact that my wife is smarter, hotter and sweeter than the dumb fat ball and chains they married. Women are no more charitable. I’ve had females mysteriously NEVER SPEAK to me again upon finding out my wife is a surgeon and not a nurse (people see her in scrubs and make assumptions).
DAAAAMN! You GO witcha bad self (props to the misses, as well)!
Also, I agree with the sentiments about the hair. Really, I hate the idea that men are SUPPOSED to be SO lame that they need cookie cutter shadows of women because dealing with complex, flesh-and-bone ones is too much of a shock for their allegedly elementary systems to take.
I’m not a man, so I don’t know what men think, but if this is the foolishness I’d have to drown in to be with somebody, I’ll keep showin’ up to family functions, alone.
Thanks Kenisha:
Don’t settle and try to mold into weak stereotypes. Hold out for someone who can appreciate you for your independence and strength.
I really care about how he takes care of his body and his health. I am not saying he needs to be in the gym everyday (I surely am not) but I don’t want to date a heart attack waiting to happen. Constantly eating fried foods gives me pause (full disclosure, my dad has been a vegan for over 35 years and I was a vegetarian from birth until my early teens).
I also care about how he treats and talks about others; women, other people of color, poor, homosexuals, etc. I am social justice focused and intolerant or bigoted men are a no-no.
I pay attention to how he talks about his exes, especially if he has kids. I am a single mom, so a man who talks ill about the mother of his children and does not care for his kids is not going to fly with me.
4. your hair
I’m still amazed how hair is such an issue with men. And I’m a man. I’ve always thought that it is her hair and she can do what she wants with it. i prefer natural hair but it’s not that serious with me. If she goes from natural to a perm or even cuts all her off I don’t care.
5. your ability to appreciate humor
Some women have the humor of Darth Vader. I’m silly and sarcastic so I need someone with a god sense of humor. It’s a plus if she can cap because most women can’t do that either.
does cap mean shoot the dozens (known in NJ as gunning…roasting…hiking)?
Yup!
@V Renee
I see I said…thanks!
I’ll add a couple just for kicks and giggles:
1) What her mama looks (and acts) like: Most guys have heard this before, but I don’t think it’s been mentioned yet. A woman’s mother provides a potential glimpse into the future. In my experience, attractive women who take care of themselves often have attractive mothers who taught them to take care of themselves. Better yet, if a woman’s mother could pass for her older sister….well, let’s just say that genes are a beautiful thing.
2) A willingness to do things the hard way (this applies to both men and women): I believe in going the extra mile for those you care for…if my SO is sick, instead of simply calling to check on her, I’m in my car heading over to see and care for her (i.e., bring food, administer medicine, etc.). If you can, send him/her lunch from their favorite spot when they’re having a busy day at work. H#ll, call me instead of texting me 10x a day (sometimes I’d rather hear your voice then read a msg). I think that a lot of folks are content in doing stuff the easy way when it comes to relationships…and while I’m all for efficiency, sometimes it’s good to see someone willing to put in a lil’ more time, effort, and sweat.
@DG
“What her mama looks (and acts) like: Most guys have heard this before, but I don’t think it’s been mentioned yet. A woman’s mother provides a potential glimpse into the future. In my experience, attractive women who take care of themselves often have attractive mothers who taught them to take care of themselves. Better yet, if a woman’s mother could pass for her older sister….well, let’s just say that genes are a beautiful thing.”
So I guess Jay-Z is f**ked then?
“A willingness to do things the hard way (this applies to both men and women): I believe in going the extra mile for those you care for…if my SO is sick, instead of simply calling to check on her, I’m in my car heading over to see and care for her (i.e., bring food, administer medicine, etc.). If you can, send him/her lunch from their favorite spot when they’re having a busy day at work. H#ll, call me instead of texting me 10x a day (sometimes I’d rather hear your voice then read a msg). I think that a lot of folks are content in doing stuff the easy way when it comes to relationships…and while I’m all for efficiency, sometimes it’s good to see someone willing to put in a lil’ more time, effort, and sweat.”
I agree. If I am really into you I will go out of my way with no problem. The problem I have is that some women take that as you doing your job. I really aprecciate when a woman goes out of her way for me because I’ve dealt with so many that wouldn’t do ish.
@Humble_One
“So I guess Jay-Z is f**ked then?”
HAA!! Funny….
So I guess Jay-Z is f**ked then? .
Ummmm Jay-Z looks like a camel. Either way he won.
@ V Renee, Humble_One
Good point and sh#t…he did marry “up” in the looks dept.
@V Renee
“Ummmm Jay-Z looks like a camel. Either way he won”
Haaa. funny. How have you been?
A willingness to do things the hard way (this applies to both men and women): I believe in going the extra mile for those you care for…if my SO is sick, instead of simply calling to check on her, I’m in my car heading over to see and care for her (i.e., bring food, administer medicine, etc.). If you can, send him/her lunch from their favorite spot when they’re having a busy day at work. H#ll, call me instead of texting me 10x a day (sometimes I’d rather hear your voice then read a msg). I think that a lot of folks are content in doing stuff the easy way when it comes to relationships…and while I’m all for efficiency, sometimes it’s good to see someone willing to put in a lil’ more time, effort, and sweat.
*melts*
call me instead of texting me 10x a day (sometimes I’d rather hear your voice then read a msg).
Dude, you are so on point with this one. That sh!t is getting annoying nowadays. You say you are at the crib not doing anything, call me then. Don’t be texting all the time when we could easily be talking.
That sh!t is getting annoying nowadays. You say you are at the crib not doing anything, call me then. Don’t be texting all the time when we could easily be talking.
Uh oh. Guilty as charged. Lol! Talking on the phone ANNOYS me… and I am usually doing 50-11 things at once (cooking, talking to the family unit, watching a dope show, doing laundry…etc…etc)… Unless you can have my full attention, the conversation will not be fun… If we live in the same city and we have idle time to talk on the phone, we might as well meet up and chill… I don’t know I am not phone-friendly at all.
I understand where you are coming from totally. I understand is she is busy and wants to communicate with me. That is cool because that lets me know she is thinking about me. It’s when she isn’t doing anything or chilling. She can send me a text to see what I am doing but after that, if I want to talk to you, let’s talk. I like the meeting up thing, too. I’m not a stay on the phone forever kind of person either.
@ DG
2) A willingness to do things the hard way (this applies to both men and women): I believe in going the extra mile for those you care for…if my SO is sick, instead of simply calling to check on her, I’m in my car heading over to see and care for her (i.e., bring food, administer medicine, etc.). If you can, send him/her lunch from their favorite spot when they’re having a busy day at work. H#ll, call me instead of texting me 10x a day (sometimes I’d rather hear your voice then read a msg). I think that a lot of folks are content in doing stuff the easy way when it comes to relationships…and while I’m all for efficiency, sometimes it’s good to see someone willing to put in a lil’ more time, effort, and sweat.
What I’ve been saying for years…Amen. *hand clap*
Wow!! According to this I’m SCREWED!!
I’m a VERY open minded individual, so I don’t have a certain “scene” or “click” that I associate with. I easily adapt to my enviroment and the people around me so I have friends of all types of backgrounds, culture, income and education levels, etc and I respect their individuality and sh*t. So one day I maybe in the projects at a cookout with one group of friends, the next I might be at the Obama rally & volunteering for the campaign with another group of friends.
One that same note, my ex-files are made up of an interesting motley crue. They range from the local street pharmacist to a preacher and from the unemployed to the Doctor of Chem Engineering!
Haaa!! I guess dudes think I’m bipolar.
I wish I had time to read all the comments. #thatisall
As much as I hate to admit it, number 4 is so right on. I have experienced it first hand myself. In college I was dating this guy while I was going thorough a I want to change my hair, but I don’t know what to do phase. So I did, and it was drastic. In one day I went from a Halle Berry perfectly laid, dyed and always tapered in the back hairdo to an Amber Rose sans the hair dye. It was cute, but drastic, I want from having hair to having almost none, I loved it, him (and my mother) not so much.
Hey vsb.com! Long time reader, first time commenter. I so agree my male friends always talk about how a sense of humor, brains, and clean hair (whether relaxed or natural) are a big turn on. The girlfriends thing is a tough one, I mean some of us know we have some crazy friends but we stick with them out of convenience, geography, or pure laziness. Do you know how hard it is to make new girlfriends at the age of 23 and up?
Also, I am shocked you know about Res. I remember when I was in high school and got her album it was a fave all through my first few years of college. However no one else had heard of her. I at least thought when I got to college there would be some appreciation of a real musical artist, but no luck. Has she done anything since How I do? I have been waiting for the rest of the world to catch on to her talent since ’01.
P.S. Champ, do you drive a yellow car? I’m no good with makes and models unless they are hondas (which I drive). But, there was a guy on 95 (in md) the other day in a yellow car with a license plate reading “champ” and I wondered if it was you.
P.P.S. On this same fateful ride the other day I was driving and this guy honks his horn; points at himself; makes a telephone gesture with his hand to his face and ear; then points at me. As if to say, can I call you? Now I am in graduate school to study human behavior and still confused by this approach. I know you don’t normally take requests, but could you write a blog about why men approach women in such situations? I mean did this guy really think I was gonna pull over and give him my number? Also, if so where did he expect that to lead. I mean, “Hey babies I met your granddad on 95. Where he nearly got in an accident trying to get my attention and I gave him my number on the shoulder of the interstate.” Is not the story I foresee telling my grandkids. What goes through you guys minds in calculating approach vs. possibility of acquiring a number?
Whew! Man I’m glad my husband was already in love with the person that I am when I decided to cut off my relaxed hair and go natural. He might have left me had I done it sooner :-/
I’m also glad I didn’t give him my dating bio. Ladies….it’s good to keep some things to yourself. Imagine the uproar if we judged men on the women who came before us……
I care about how he treats his mom. Barring any child abuse, and personality disorders…if your mom was good to you but you treat her like crap or choose not to have a relationship with her. I will assume you have issues with women that could spill over into a relationship.
I care about how he dresses and grooms himself. Wear a belt is you need it, brush your hair, wash your face, tie your shoe laces, and wear clean clothes that aren’t 3 sizes too big or 2 sizes too small.
I care about his level of confidence. Too much is not good but little to none is even worse. Having a man that is confident enough to make decisions without the influence of his boys, or current trends is very important to me. He must be able to stand on his own two.
I care about his ability and willingness to protect me. I can’t deal with punks but I also don’t want a hot head who wants to fight everything breathing.
I care about his sexual talents.
I care about the people he surrounds himself with. If your only friends are a$$holes and lowlives or diva dudes. We can’t be friends or lovers.
how about ” i don’t care about who you don’t like at work” . the fueds women have with the women on the job don’t really matter to us. when you talk about it , it’s all sounds like the teacher on charlie brown . “wah wah wah”. also think of the chris rock skit . ” really i knew that bitch pam was crazy”