Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Theory & Essay

monogamy for dummies

****edit, wednesday 12:00pm****

watch as “our favorite cp3″ plays a principle role in the first ever wnba bench clearing brawl. we couldn’t be more proud

http://youtube.com/watch?v=uhnxUbUi_nM

****end of edit****

there are a few guarantees in life, with “death”, “doritoe stains”, and “getting the roof of your mouth burned by microwaved french bread pizza” obviously being among them.

for the champ, since i’m basically a human garbage disposal when it comes to food, i can guarantee that at least two or three times a day, i will be extremely hungry. this isn’t your normal hunger, or even your grandmothers hunger, but an all-encompassing hyenaesque condition caused by the fact that my metabolism is faster than tyson gay. sh*t, at the moment I’m writing this I’m extremely hungry, and when you finally read this I will probably be extremely hungry then too.

what the champ usually looks like when hes hungry

what the champ usually looks like when he's hungry

now, if I happen to be out and about while I’m in one of these hungry spells, there’s a chance that I might happen to walk past somebody eating a whopper or one of those neat little wrap thingys from bruegger’s bagels. naturally, my first instinct when seeing that will be to snatch the food from the person’s hand, push them down, and run away eating and cackling, fulfilling my unrelenting hunger.

thing is, because i’m a human being, and i’m aware of little things like “laws” and “social mores” and “prisons” and i’ve seen shows like “Oz” that remind me of why i don’t want to go to prison, i just walk by, ignoring my natural instincts.

my point is that being a human is predicated on doing a lot of unnatural shit. wearing clothes, using toasters, buying books, watching “Girlfriends”, visiting outrageously popular weblogs co-founded by colloquial pittsburgers…basically everything we consciously do is unnatural, and it’s idiotic to compare our sexual selves to other species in the animal kingdom who lack the ability to reason on a high level.

the idea that human monogamy is wrong because its unnatural is at best misguided, and at worst dangerously imbecilic. belief in this suggests that we shouldn’t be held completely accountable for any sexual misdeed short of rape, a completely immature way of understanding our human selves.

“i cheated? so the hell what. you think tigers dont be trying to bone all the other tiger bitches in the jungle?? growl, growl, bitch. growl, growl!!!”

maybe it’s not natural for an animal to commit to just one sexual partner (and, btw, there are numerous species in the animal kingdom who practice monogamy. strangely enough, the reasons for this usually comes down to getting used to the smell of their mates shit), but a human being should know that it’s safer, healthier, and usually makes for a better environment to raise children.

now, am i suggesting that every one needs to run out and discontinue their unmonogamous ways, burning black books and putting entire 12 (wo)man rosters on waivers? hell no. (sh*t, i’m not, lol) just like college, wnba basketball, and mormon pu**y, monogamy isn’t always for everyone, and i understand that. all i’m saying is that the “monogamy is completely synthetic” argument is stupid as hell, and lazier than shaq’s mouth

now, excuse me while i forage for some grub.

—the champ

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Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • Don Giovanni

    ok!! seems that i’m the first to step to the plate!! first of all, i have had this conversation with many about how monogamy is an unnatural behavior formed by societal rules in order to control the lives of others! not saying that i’m parading around as a polygamist, but i do say it is unnatural for the fact tha we, as humans are attracted to a variety of people!! now, i am whole hearted in the belief that cheating is wrong, if you made a commitment to someone to be with that one (i keep my word no matter what)!! but the thing is that we were instilled with the notion to procreate with those that can insure that our lineage will survive throughout the ages!! we look for the best of the best and the highest of the high to get down with, not the opposite!! but whether it is right or wrong has to do with societal norms and cultural mores thats forced upon us!!

    • jevoie

      It doesn’t really seem like the point there was “society says it’s right, so it’s right”, but rather “there are reasons why monogamy is the preferred practice in human society, and some are quite practical”. He finished his essay with a bit about how monogamy isn’t for everyone, and your response seems kind of based on the idea he was trying to “convert” you, rather than put down an overly simplistic argument. Whatever you feel about monogamy, “monogamy is unnatural” IS an overly simplistic argument, just as almost all “____ is unnatural arguments” are overly simplistic arguments.

      • http://www.myspace.com/ka6sp9er Don Giovanni

        i’m not saying he is trying to convert you, me or anyone else, nor am i saying that there is anything wrong with monogamy!! like he said, monogamy is the preferred practice in human society but only due to such things as fear, institutionalizations, etc. in today’s society and in our culture, assuming that you live in one of the more modernized and industrialized countries where one of the three major religions are practiced (and there is a correlation), we have been taught that this is the proper and correct way to live, ignoring our natural urges and submitting ourselves to our mate (singular)!! but in many countries where these aren’t key factors, you have polygamy being practiced because that was the tradition; that was the norm!! again, i am NOT saying that we are right because we have stepped out of the sahara and onto the concrete jungle or because we aren’t running around in loin cloths and barefooted, but i won’t say that those who practiced polygamy are wrong in their ways either!! if we were truly a monogamous creature, there would be no need to date around!! we would have smelled the scent of our significant others and have been right by their sides no matter what!! we wouldn’t turn our heads every time an attractive man or woman crossed our paths!! we wouldn’t have fantasies about persons other than our mates!! we choose to be monogamous because it is what is practiced in our respective cultures (again, assuming that you are in a culture that practices monogamy, which is a safe bet)!! it is simplistic to say that monogamy is the only way to be!! i can say that it is the safest way to be in society today, if you care about your life and health!!

        once again, i never said that it is wrong or right, yet it is a cultural and societal creation to keep and maintain order!! just look at marriage and divorce!! created by man to create order and maintain rule over society!! divorce didn’t come about until a king, unhappy with the catholic rule which didn’t allow for divorces and with his then wife, established the protestant church!! the rule was the dissolution of marriage could only happen when and only when a spouse died….and usually only when it was the wife has passed!! what is natural and unnatural is relative to what your beliefs and your moral standards are!! as for me, i am whole heartedly monogamous!! i only have sexual intercourse with one woman at a time!! i wasn’t blessed with a mutated gene causing me to have two phallus affording me the opportunity to have two women simultaneously!! plus, i only date one woman at a time!! do you know how much grief and strife you all cause?? i don’t like going through hardships with one woman, let alone 3!!

        • http://www.myspace.com/wudaman19 WuDaMan

          Yo Moses started the divorce thing. And Jesus said you could cold get out of a marriage for infadelity too.

          Back to the topic Jesus didn’t say anything about polygamy though.

        • http://www.myspace.com/wudaman19 WuDaMan

          Yo Moses started the divorce thing. And Jesus said you could cold get out of a marriage for infadelity too.

          Back to the topic Jesus didn’t say anything about polygamy though.

          And about being multi phallused. I sometimes have this reoccuring dream where… Okay it started when I was a lil kid. In the dream I was covered in plugs and she was covered in sockets & we rolled around on each other plugging in. That was how it started who would have known it would keep coming back in diff. forms.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            “And about being multi phallused. I sometimes have this reoccuring dream where… Okay it started when “I was a lil kid. In the dream I was covered in plugs and she was covered in sockets & we rolled around on each other plugging in.”

            …………

            • http://www.myspace.com/wudaman19 WuDaMan

              I know Champ. It freaks me out too. What was going on w/ my lil subconcious @ such a young age?

              • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

                “I know Champ. It freaks me out too. What was going on w/ my lil subconcious @ such a young age?”

                shit, i’m jealous actually. the only sexual dreams i had as a kid was about playing hide in go seek with rudy huxtable

          • Gemini

            Wow….you really have some vivid dreams, lmao! What do you eat before you go to sleep?

            • http://www.myspace.com/wudaman19 WuDaMan

              must have been a stolen twinkie. Curse that creamy filling. Creapy thing is I think I was like 4 5 years old. When the dream comes back there aren’t as many plugs n sockets.

    • http://tiffanybbrown.com/ tiffany

      um. that was kind of his point. well, that and the fact that the “it’s unnatural” argument is the lazy way out.

      • http://www.myspace.com/ka6sp9er Don Giovanni

        well, show me how it is natural!!

        • http://www.5OH7.com boom

          Derek Zoolander: So join now, ’cause at the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can’t Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too, we teach you that there’s more to life than just being really, really, really good looking. Right kids?

          • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant

            classic

        • http://tiffanybbrown.com/ tiffany

          okay, i’ll show you how it is natural: we’ve got this higher-mental-capacity-thing that allows us to develop societies that are a little more organized and a little more complicated than “see hole, insert dick.”

          so, i’ll make the argument that creating societies with complex rules and hierarchies is what humans naturally do. ergo, “monogamy,” is “natural” because it’s one of our “rules.”

          • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant

            Dolphins and mice are smart too
            see: Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            “so, i’ll make the argument that creating societies with complex rules and hierarchies is what humans naturally do. ergo, “monogamy,” is “natural” because it’s one of our “rules.””

            hmmm…interesting take and shit

          • http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

            we’ve got this higher-mental-capacity-thing that allows us to develop societies that are a little more organized and a little more complicated than “see hole, insert dick.”

            @ TIFF-eriffic! you are a fuggin genius!

          • ForReal

            “so, i’ll make the argument that creating societies with complex rules and hierarchies is what humans naturally do. ergo, “monogamy,” is “natural” because it’s one of our “rules.””
            Welllll! To true. I didn’t see this when I wrote my comment; couldn’t agree more.

          • genius khan

            Tiff, sup luv.

            Tiff makes a motion and ForReal seconds:

            “so, i’ll make the argument that creating societies with complex rules and hierarchies is what humans naturally do. ergo, “monogamy,” is “natural” because it’s one of our “rules.”

            this may be a fallacious argument.

            If making rules is natural for human beings does that really make every rule a human makes “natural?” (i.e. monogamy)

            Q: which is more telling: (generally and across the board, nothing specifically to do with momogamy) what people say or what a people do?

            engage me… (not atrimony either LOL!)

          • http://www.myspace.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist

            sorry to be the bearer of bad news but most societies that built civilization as we know it were not monogamous. Including and not limited to the native peoples on all continents

        • teeny

          Desire is natural.
          So is jealousy, possessiveness, anger, rage.

          oh. and hey. while we’re at it, so are crabs.

          The human capacity to feel and to reason make arguments like these quite obsolete. Monogamy might not be everybody’s truth but I’ve known men who were more ready to settle down and make family’s than 1950′s house wives.

          don, I think you should read up a bit on your science too. There is an article about finding mates (and hence love) based on voice, smell, height and other instinctual cues that pokes holes straight through your 10,000 word essay.

          I can send it to you if you’d like.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            ‘oh. and hey. while we’re at it, so are crabs.’

            i’d pay someone 52 dollars to rock a “crabs are natural” t-shirt, and an extra 27 dollars if they spend all day scratching themselves

            • http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

              i’d pay someone 52 dollars to rock a “crabs are natural” t-shirt, and an extra 27 dollars if they spend all day scratching themselves

              @CHAMP…gas is high as giraffae snatch…I drive an SUV…where do I sign?? (scratch, giggle, scratch)

            • miss t-lee

              i’d pay someone 52 dollars to rock a “crabs are natural” t-shirt, and an extra 27 dollars if they spend all day scratching themselves

              I’m a cancer and I have natural hair so this could work. Get my $52 ready!!!!

              Now that extra $27—I’m let you keep that…lol

              • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

                “I’m a cancer and I have natural hair so this could work”

                *chuckling*

          • http://www.myspace.com/ka6sp9er don giovanni

            i was responding to what she said about what champ said!!! its probably the same article i gave my kids to read!! did it come from JAMA or IJBS??

        • genius khan

          gettem Giovanni the Don. salute!

    • http://www.sheliagoss.com/blog Shelia

      “monogamy is an unnatural behavior formed by societal rules in order to control the lives of others!”

      Don, this theory sounds like it came from someone who likes to have his cake, ice-cream and pie and throw in a few cup-cakes too. (Blame it on The Champ for me using the food analogy…smile).

      • http://www.myspace.com/ka6sp9er don giovanni

        nope…it just is what it is!! i hate sweets and i’m lactose intolerant as well!!

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          “nope…it just is what it is!! i hate sweets and i’m lactose intolerant as well!!”

          i’m lactose intolerant too, but i just dont give a f*ck

          • shay

            “i’m lactose intolerant too, but i just dont give a f*ck”

            what the hell made this so funny to me?

  • Maasai girl

    Monogamy may not be for everyone but neither is polygamy in the sense that it was meant. Coming from a country where I see it all around, it’s intention is. In the old times if you were wealthy yes, and it still happens now. But the main purpose was because society valued it’s children and families, all the kids accepted that they had many mothers who were as involved in raising you as your mother and your dad was also involved in raising all of you. Ideally if the mother’s had any drama it was solved between them and not involving the kids. As there was a firm social structure in place to help sort out differences and maintain a level of fairness. Hell one of my workmates professes that he is a polygamist in and out and yes he believes in fairness……… I guess whatever rocks your boat……… However as humans sometimes we want it all and we don’t want to take responsibility for the things we do even though at the time we really really want to do themcantthinkaboutanythingelse. For me it just comes down to knowing where we stand and the consequences of our actions. Polygamy was destroyed by all those men, who would ‘marry/ live with a woman ( can be classified as a customary marriage in Kenya) and then bizounce and next thing you know he married someone else in church and left you in a lurch, plus those women ( golddiggers )who will do everything in their power to get a baller pretend to be okay with being wife no.2,3, 4, and then proceed to evict previous tenants. Hell you knew what you were getting into………… so why play dirty?As for those who say they believe in monogamy then summarily play, cheat, forget they are in a relationship……….. just kick them out or if you lived in Kenya you could sue them for promising to marry you then proceed to clean them out…………… Sorry fellas it doesn’t work the other way;-) Nevertheless either way relationships are complex and everyone has what works for them from the swinging types to the till death………… I’m still figuring out where I fall……..

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “Monogamy may not be for everyone but neither is polygamy in the sense that it was meant.”

      its funny. alot of guys dont realize this but polygamy is the absolute worst social construct for men. i addressed this in the comments here a month or so ago, but i just felt the need to reiterate

      • jevoie

        I have an Indonesian friend whose great-grandfather had ten wives. By all accounts, this did not spell good things for him. She phrases this as “pussy-whipped times ten”.

  • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant

    You watch Girlfriends? thats messed up

    • http://www.myspace.com/ka6sp9er Don Giovanni

      @ deviant~~~i have to agree with you!! i had to watch 2.75 episodes which were completely unfunny and slightly horrible!! 2 of course were with the girl i was dating at the time, and the other was because i was too lazy to get up and change the channel manually when the batteries of the remote died!! i did get up and change the batteries during the 3rd commercial break which allowed me the ability to surf the channels like i normally do during the nip/tuck, the shield, and entourage off season!! hell, the new show “wipeout” has been giving me plenty of entertainment on tuesday nights until my shows come back!!

      • miss t-lee

        I love the big balls…that ish kills me everytime.

        • http://www.myspace.com/ka6sp9er Don Giovanni

          HA HA HA!!! I HAVE GOT TO BE ON IT FOR NEXT SEASON!!! I JUST WANT TO MAKE IT ACROSS THE BIG BALLS!!!

          • miss t-lee

            I give props to anyone who even attempts that show. The commentators are equally evil as well.

            • http://www.myspace.com/ka6sp9er Don Giovanni

              john and john henson….they crack me up!! it’s a shame that i remember their names!!!

              • http://www.myspace.com/ka6sp9er don giovanni

                john anderson and john henson!! They are going to talk about my @$$ badly!!

              • miss t-lee

                I’m gonna talk about you too. LOL

      • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant

        that show is pretty horrible…I get lazy too but I can always get motivated enough to change the channel or leave the roon when that show is on.

      • http://www.myspace.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist

        “I love the big balls”

        “I JUST WANT TO MAKE IT ACROSS THE BIG BALLS!!!”

        T shirt anyone?

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      you know what, i have watched a few episodes, one, because the show isn’t terrible and also because its very difficult for me to figure out who’s the most physically attractive woman on the show, so i watch to form “yay-nay” arguments in my head.

      actually, thats a lie. its not a question for me. its persia white. i just feel bad admitting that because it makes it seem like i’m colorstruck, lol.

      everytime i watch that show i feel like its a social experiment on attractiveness, casting 4 somewhat equally attractive black women of different shades, making the lightest skinned one a tad more atttractive than the rest, and seeing who would actually admit that.

      • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant

        ok yeah I get that but I find them annoying so I cant do my research for too long. And they dont show enough ass shots. How can you have a show with four black women and not throw a bone to the males that may be watching? Where is the Soul Train cameraman when you need him? Is it bad that I demand camerashots of ass? I think not.

        • Akshone

          All that @ss Joan got and you missed it???

          • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant

            I didnt miss it Im saying they dont show it enough

      • miss t-lee

        Persia is easily the prettiest girl on the show.
        Hands down.

        • Akshone

          I agree, but Lynn came into her looks on the show as the seasons progressed. Now William’s wife? Ever since she came on the show, she’s had me open.

          • ForReal

            i don’t know if her breasts are really saggy or they just put her in an unfortunate bathing suit, but there was one episode in the hot tub when she was first dating william where they just did not do that woman right! pretty face though.

      • ForReal

        See, i think Maya (Golden) is really pretty.

        • Akshone

          Cute face, but she has the body of a 12-year-old boy…not a good look.

          • ForReal

            LOL..she’s a little small, i’ll give you that!

          • Leila

            “Cute face, but she has the body of a 12-year-old boy…not a good look”

            Ouch!

      • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant

        they can all get it.

        • No More Heroes

          Not Joan. I would have to be pretty drunk for that.

          • http://myspace.com/time4sumakshone Akshone

            Really??? She was always kinda hot to me, in that bohemian/metropolitan/corporate girl type of look she had going…she has slacked off lately though. Now she kinda reminds me of my 1st grade teacher back in the day.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            joan would actually be the first one out of that crew to get it, mainly because of the ass and the fact that she looks like the type to cry when she c*ms

            • miss t-lee

              Wow…

            • http://www.myspace.com/chicanextdoor miss patterson

              ……………
              Someone needs to pray with that left hand again.

            • JBoogie

              damn…i wasn’t ready lol

            • Gemini

              Oh wow, ok…….

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

              …what, lol?

              some women just have that look, and she’s one of them

            • shay

              you’re not the first person ive met thats into that sorta thing.

            • http://liffy.blogspot.com Luvvie

              LMAO Champ.

      • http://www.myspace.com/ka6sp9er don giovanni

        I’m glad that you realizes it was persia that made you watch it!! she was worth the 3/4 of an episode!!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      Girlfriends didn’t actually start out bad. When it first started it was entertaining and serviceable. Basically the shit was competent. However (and I wrote about this somewhere), it seems like they weren’t prepared for a contract extension on the show and were granted additional seasons that they had NO f*cking clue what to do with so the show got increasingly stupid and ridiculous to where it was borderline embarassing…

      Joan as Spiderman in her home hanging from the ceiling, anyone?? get.the.f*ck.out.of.here.

      It’s not their fault, they wrote the perfect 2-season show.

      As far as the chicks go, I don’t find any of them to be that attractive, Persia White included. She’s only hot b/c the others aren’t. Kind of an addition-by-subtraction thing…or better yet, it’s positive because it’s not negative.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “it seems like they weren’t prepared for a contract extension on the show and were granted additional seasons that they had NO f*cking clue what to do with so the show”

        theres a few shows that are guilty of this, with “twin peaks” being the all-time most flagrant

        • No More Heroes

          Unfortunately I think this is whats going to happen to one of my favorite shows “Heroes”

      • Dorian G.

        I guess you don’t like dark skin women

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          “I guess you don’t like dark skin women”

          i like all shades of black women. its just that, imo, the lighter skinned leads on girlfriends are more attractive than the darker-skinned ones.

          now, if either theresa, “i took the best red carpet picture of all-time *http://www.jsrpages.co.uk/scansr/randle/Theresa%20Randle1v.jpg*” randle, kenya moore, taral hicks, robinne lee, bria myles, tatyana ali, or ananda lewis were cast as leads on that show, than i’d be singing a different tune

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            oh, and how could i forget maia campbell (well, at least before she became a crackhead)

          • Dorian G.

            Sorry I was replying to Panama. He said he didn’t think any of them were attractive. I’m like not even the one with the lips?

            Oh and me and Bria Myles will be getting married soon. She just has to meet me and its over.

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

              it has nothing to do with dark skinned women. it has to do with those particular women on that show…of which i dont think any are attractive. i mean, they’re all, okay, but none of them would make me do a double take.

              and i love all women. i’ve dated all over the colored spectrum, quite successfully and happily.

              them chicks on that show…just not hot.

              • Dorian G.

                Ok thats fair. To each his own, when I first saw girlfriends (in passing, i never sat down to tune in or anything like that) I was like Kanye asking bout “the dark skinneded one”. Some things just ain’t what you find hot. I know thats how I am about Jennifer Aniston (an opinion which almost got me fired, but thats another story for another day)

              • http://www.myspace.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist

                @ Dorian

                your post should start…”How Jennifer Aniston almost got me fired”

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

              ‘Oh and me and Bria Myles will be getting married soon. She just has to meet me and its over.’

              fine. take her…as long as i still get to marry her ass.

            • shay

              i heard her ass looks like a bag of rocks. beware the airbrushing.

              • Dorian G.

                Nah one of my boys works for a photography company that she has done work with in the past. He said its as good as advertised in person. And she’s mad cool. He said unlike some of the others you actually feel like you might have a shot with this one. Then again she’s been my “favorite” for a while now so he could have just said this to keep my schoolboy dreams alive.

              • shay

                well i know someone who has seen it too and he said she has enough cellulite to be a turn-off, but i guess thats his opinion… once i saw deelishis come outside without her belly makeup on and her tummy is very flat but her skin looks like an onion, i have forever given up on magazine photography. its all an illusion.
                i guess i should stop now before i get rotten tomatoes thrown at me.

          • Aristocrat

            Wow, that Theresa Randle pic is spectacular…Carry on! Thanks, Champ

      • http://www.myspace.com/ka6sp9er don giovanni

        “She’s only hot b/c the others aren’t. Kind of an addition-by-subtraction thing…or better yet, it’s positive because it’s not negative.”

        just pulled up a cast picture and i have to agree with you!! its like picking a 5 out of a sea of 2′s and 3′s!! when your options are limited then you take the best of the rest!!

      • http://www.myspace.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist

        jump the shark much?

        http://www.jumptheshark.com/

        I’m about to age myself. Remember when fonzie jumped the shark on Happy Days…well all TV shows have their jump the shark moments, you know that moment where it reaches its peak and doesnt know where to go

    • JBoogie

      Am I one of the only black women who’s never really watched/cared much for the show? I tried a couple of times…couldn’t get into it and turned it after like 15 minutes.

      • Leila

        I liked the show at first, but they should have cancelled it after Toni left the show. It wasn’t the same without her. I like The Game better.

        • Bougie1

          I concur, Leila…. I loved Toni.

          The Game on the other hand it was a little slow for me to get into however since the dumping of Derwin I have been hooked!

        • miss t-lee

          The Game–that’s my junk right there.
          I’m not a huge Girlfriends fan, I only watched when I had nothing else to watch.
          Now SATC–that’s my junk for real!!! I’m even waiting on the sequel to the movie.

          • JBoogie

            I was like that with SATC at first…then I watched an episode, got hooked, and it was a wrap. Girlfriends…naw, just couldn’t do it.

        • http://liffy.blogspot.com Luvvie

          The Game is THAT bizness!!

      • miss kate

        nope, I’m in the “don’t get it” club, too.

        but I loved SATC. smh

      • http://www.myspace.com/ka6sp9er don giovanni

        well, the show was a Kelsey Grammer creation!!

        • miss t-lee

          The Game is a Kelsey Grammer show too, and it doesn’t suck.
          not an excuse..lol

      • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com MsSula

        No, you are definitely not.

        Couldn’t follow it. A show has to do more than cast people who look like me to entice me. I found it a tad vapid and somewhat too stereotypical for me to care…

  • miss t-lee

    So you’re an OZ fan too?
    Monogamy—yeah it could happen.

    • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant

      OZ was a great show but there were some aspects of the show I could’ve gone without seeing. Adebisi was a ruthless bastard tho. He gave a dude AIDS by pricking him with a needle. Just evil.

      • miss t-lee

        It was an evil show. I have a couple of seasons on DVD. There was plenty that I could have gone without seeing especially the…you know…
        Like Champ says—it’s reminded me to stay on the “straight and narrow” many times.

        • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant

          no one wants to go to pound-me-in-the-ass prison

          • miss t-lee

            Never a good look.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      i watched more than a few episodes, but i could never really get into it because its a bit too melodramatic for me. oh, and the anal rapes made it tough for me to stomach too. yup. melodrama and anal rape

      • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant

        the manlove didnt bother you cause I found that a lil diffucult to watch dudes making out

        • miss t-lee

          I found that difficult myself.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      I think all potential criminals should be forced to watch the entire series of Oz as a method of “scared straight” or some such shit.

      If prison is one iota of what happens there i don’t need or want no parts of that shit.

      Jail…is that bullshit.

      • genius khan

        T-Shirt! shout to Panama. i see ya.

        Jail, is that bullshit!

        not sure i want to wear it but… jail is certainly that bullshit. i’m not fuc*ing with it!

        LOL!!!!!!!!

      • shay

        cosign on “Jail.. is that Bullshit ” as a t-shirt quote

      • http://www.myspace.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist

        “I think all potential criminals should be forced to watch the entire series of Oz as a method of “scared straight” or some such shit.”

        And “American Me”

        the prison and rape scene in that movie are the reason I have only been able to watch that movie once

        • miss t-lee

          And “American Me”

          Oh snap!!! I forgot about this movie.
          That scene was brutal.

  • Raqi

    Champ I am soooo glad you posted this.

    And even more ecstatic that you stated “and it’s idiotic to compare our sexual selves to other species in the animal kingdom who lack the ability to reason on a high level.”

    I get so freaking tired of people trying to justify traitorous activities by comparing themselves to untamed and uncivilized beast. I mean really, is that how you want to be tagged? With the intelligence and scruples of a ravenous brute?

    Why does the need to connect with every thing one is attracted to only apply to sexual lust? Those very same people manage to find a way to refrain from…let’s say…compulsive buying.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      ‘Champ I am soooo glad you posted this. ‘

      thank you. i’m so glad i could make you glad and shit

    • http://tiffanybbrown.com/ tiffany

      “and it’s idiotic to compare our sexual selves to other species in the animal kingdom who lack the ability to reason on a high level.”

      yep. not to mention that if you wanted to make that comparison, we could be here all day with a list of species that *do* practice monogamy — lifelong monogamy. (there are natural examples of masturbation, homosexuality and bisexuality too, actually.)

    • ForReal

      “Why does the need to connect with every thing one is attracted to only apply to sexual lust? Those very same people manage to find a way to refrain from…let’s say…compulsive buying.”
      Exactly.

    • genius khan

      Raq, for the record khan doesn’t think he could stomach being in an open relationship where my woman partner can sleep with another man. i’m just not there yet but…

      Compulsive behavior is behavior which a person does “compulsively”, i.e., not because he enjoys it but because he feels he “has to”. The two most common forms are:

      obsessive-compulsive disorder – obsessive, distressing, intrusive thoughts and related compulsions which attempt to neutralize the obsessions
      drug addiction – a condition where a person takes a drug compulsively, despite potential harm to themselves, or their desire to stop

      your statement and a lot of the posts here seems to presume:

      1.) outside of monogamy that there HAS to exist some negative extreme that often includes deceit (treasonous, traiterous, ravenous, unintelligent and brute like behavior)

      2.) the examples provided in the definition above seem to suggest that there are other common examples of compulsive behavior which you and ForReal perhaps did not think of.

      say word.

      • http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

        for the record khan doesn’t think he could stomach being in an open relationship where my woman partner can sleep with another man. i’m just not there yet but…

        but you could be in an open relationship wher eyou can tip out at will huh?… lol…

        • genius khan

          Goody queries the khan: “but you could be in an open relationship wher eyou can tip out at will huh?… lol…

          A: perhaps……LOL!

  • http://mimi-theresno1likeme.blogspot.com/ Mimi

    “growl, growl, bitch. growl, growl!!!”

    LMBO!!! Why must VSB try to get me fired on a daily basis?! lol

    • http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

      @MIMI ~ I was thinking the same thing…lol…and my theory is…since they are VerySmartBrothas, they have a cause adn effect plan of action…they figure, if they get us fired, they can hire us on full time to handle the day to day operations of the VSB merchandising department! promote from within!

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        ***pleading the fif***

  • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

    I say to each his/her own. If you like it, I love it (for you that is).

    • V Renee

      My sister has this phrase that she says and I LOVE!

      “It’s mind over matter. If you don’t mind, then it sure doesn’t matter”

      Works everytime.

  • genius khan

    Champs’ thesis:
    “the idea that human monogamy is wrong because its unnatural is at best misguided, and at worst dangerously imbecilic.”

    Collaterally he deduces: “basically everything we consciously do is unnatural…”

    Champ reasons:
    “…but a human being should know that [monogamy] it’s safer, healthier, and usually makes for a better environment to raise children.”

    It follows:
    …therefore monogamy being better than it’s alternative/s

    Champ takes his turn as provocateur: “all i’m saying is that the “monogamy is completely synthetic” argument is stupid as hell, and lazier than shaq’s mouth.”

    Yes, we can reasonably assume by evidence of animals who don’t think at the level of humans [like penguins and others] that monogamy is natural for some animals however the majority of animals are not monogamous. …but is it natural for humans? …or is monogamy a synthetic practice for humans?

    those who believe that monogamy may not be natural for human beings (like myself) don’t think that monogamy doesn’t serve a practical purpose that benefits us in some ways. natural doesn’t always mean that something will automatically benefit us directly and immediately. however i do believe in most cases that natural is the program that best benefits/supports our entire ecosystem. unfortunately most of us don’t know or care to know what the natural way is. …and there are many motivations for this selective apathy. (or selfish motivation)

    the idea that human monogamy is right or better is subjective. better for whom? Champ meets the status quo requirement for a persuasive paper by saying he doesn’t suggest that everybody run out and discontinue their monogamous ways [if they ever really had them] and “…monogamy isn’t always for everyone, and i [Champ] understand that.” (1 recognition of the opposing view, requirement met)

    well sir whatever is ideal, right, wrong, better, worse, practical, natural, unnatural, accepted, condoned, moral, accountable etc. doesn’t always represent the facts on the ground. what’s happening on the ground is:

    behavior can’t be legislated.

    and

    a successful marriage/relationship (defined as sticktuitivity) can often hinge on living in mutual denial of infidelity.

    The longer a couple is together the more likely that some sexual indiscretion has happened or is happening in most relationships.

    Khans’ thesis: sexual nature has proven to be stronger and more persistent than our conscious efforts, reasoning or will to moralize and legislate sexual behavior.

    These sir I submit to you are the facts on the ground.

    Reporting live from ground zero, this is General Khan, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Back to you Champ

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “Khans’ thesis: sexual nature has proven to be stronger and more persistent than our conscious efforts, reasoning or will to moralize and legislate sexual behavior. ”

      i completely disagree with this.

      basically what you’re saying is that the little head will ultimately have more control over us than the big head. i see what youre saying about sexual urges and nature…this is uncontrollable. you know, off-topic, thats an argument many people make about pedophiles…that they cant be truly rehabilitated because they will always have the urge to parking lot pimp at chuck e cheese.

      thing is, although we cant control our urges or thoughts, we have complete control over whether or not we choose to act on them, which makes our ability to reason stronger than any thought or urge that we might have

      • http://tiffanybbrown.com/ tiffany

        “they will always have the urge to parking lot pimp at chuck e cheese.”

        you are so wrong for that. and yet this was too funny.

        • ForReal

          it’s funny in the way only really messed up statements can be…meaning it had me CTFU and feeling bad at the same time.

      • genius khan

        duly noted.

        ..but if we are talking about monogamy being natural for human realtionships or not then what’s how we decide to act on sexual urges got to do with the price of meth in kansas? [and do we presume that acting on those urges HAS to necessarily be hurtful in some way]

        the facts on the ground are that people f**k around more times than they remain committed to 1 piece of… perhaps you don’t buy that? not perhaps, you already said you did not. better take a good sniff around.

        i’m not making a case for what’s right or wrong or what’s better or worse. i THOUGHT the issue was whether or not monogamy was natural FOR HUMANS. secondary: which is better or worse FOR HUMANS? (monogamy or its alternative/s)

        in fact my point attempts to show that wherever you fall on the aforementioned issue, the fact is what the MAJORITY of couples (married or no) have done, are doing is fuc*ing around REGARDLESS of what is condoned, legislated, moral, better for human relationship etc.

        this is what i see, this is what the numbers bear out. the other considerations are ancillary, subjective and prone to rationalization. that, i believe is what is happening in real time.

        monogamy FOR HUMAN animals may be unnatural considering the facts on the ground. …or maybe not but does natural have to be good bad or ugly? you decide.

        • ForReal

          “i THOUGHT the issue was whether or not monogamy was natural FOR HUMANS”
          See, i don’t think that’s the issue at all. The issue as I see it is that of all of the things we do, natural or unnatural, the ‘nature’ issue is only/more often than not brought out for monogamy, and making that the basis and premise of EVERY discussion on monogamy is lazy at best, and, based on the conversation, completely irrelevant at worst. That’s what I got from Champ’s post, but of course he can speak for himself ;-)

          • ForReal

            meant to say: ‘completely irrelevant/incorrect at worst’ Damn this not being able to give VSB my undivided attention!

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            “That’s what I got from Champ’s post, but of course he can speak for himself”

            youre dong fine, lol. you can continue to speak for me

            • ForReal

              ;-)

          • genius khan

            “The issue as I see it is that of all of the things we do, natural or unnatural, the ‘nature’ issue is only/more often than not brought out for monogamy…”

            oh ForReal?

            cause i thought going Green was becoming more than a marginlized underground minority movement with no link or concern to what’s natural.

            silly me…

            • ForReal

              umm..okay Genius :-)

      • http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

        thing is, although we cant control our urges or thoughts, we have complete control over whether or not we choose to act on them, which makes our ability to reason stronger than any thought or urge that we might have

        damn that smart ass relevant psycho-speak makes me exhale…mm mmm mmm…fuggin awesome!!! and not only am I absolutely stimulated by this response…I also completely agree!!!

        VSB = yummy!

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          “damn that smart ass relevant psycho-speak makes me exhale…mm mmm mmm…fuggin awesome!!! and not only am I absolutely stimulated by this response…I also completely agree!!!

          VSB = yummy!”

          lol…someones trying to get brownie points to stay out of the corner.

          its working, btw

          • http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

            @CHAMP ~ you know what? I haven’t been in the corner in a minute, like two weeks…I should get some kind of “most improved” certificate or something…lol

            and you KNOW my attractions are cerebral…I think most of my VSB(aby daddies) spout that knowledge to make me thump…just a theory…LM(red)AO

            • http://www.myspace.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist

              “VSB(aby daddies) ” LMMFAO!!!!
              @GOODEN

              I love you girl!

    • http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

      @ G(to the)K
      behavior can’t be legislated. ~ true and very “deep”

      natural doesn’t always mean that something will automatically benefit us directly and immediately. ~ unfortunately, the prevelant connotation of the “M” word is that it will benefit in the long run in terms of stability for the family structure, STS free intercourse…etc…but the immediate benefits of “settling down” parallel that of just “settling”…

      a successful marriage/relationship (defined as sticktuitivity) can often hinge on living in mutual denial of infidelity. ~ or the acceptance of infidelity…i don’t think it’s unrealistic to expect fidelity…I am perfectly capable of it…so I don’t assume others are not…being attracted to people outside your relationship dynamic is natural, but acting on them is what separates the chosen from the frozen…and if you can’t resist the temptation of Persia White…there’s always the “3some”…

      @Champ, thank you for this “essay”…I have come to thte conclusion that…monogamy needs a PR department….

      • ForReal

        “being attracted to people outside your relationship dynamic is natural, but acting on them is what separates the chosen from the frozen”
        There it is (again). Everyone will be straight if they choose to partner with people who feel the way they do on the issue, the ‘chosen’ as Goody would say :-)

      • genius khan

        monogamy needs a P.R. Dept.

        Goody u funny….. LOL!

        monogamy is dying a hard death among humans whether they cop to it or not. (in terms of acceptability) …whether the alternatives to monogamy remain taboo or not. whether screwing around is ever accepted behavior or not. it only takes 1 deviation (Deev’s) to negate the premise of monogamy between couples. i can here someone saying it doesn’t necessarily. well you tell your husband, wife, bf or gf that: hey i’ve been faithful to you more days than not.

        heh, heh, heh, (inhales) whoooo!

        • http://www.myspace.com/wudaman19 WuDaMan

          I see you on the 1 Deev. But low and behold they don’t stop trying(to marry and be monogomous). And if all it takes is a majority doing somethein for it to be concidered natural. I mean suicide is up in Japan does that mean there won’t be a wii 2. Then fahk going green cuz we been bustin up the world for a lil while now. After all “the marriage bed cannot be defiled”

          • http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

            But low and behold they don’t stop trying(to marry and be monogomous).

            first of all…WuDa…who is “they”??…

            secondly, my stance is moreso that those that choose monogamy seek those that choose the same…or at least they enter into a relationship thinking they have found a like minded individual…or maybe the cheater just fooled the cheatee, who knows?…all I am saying is…monogamy is like religion…you should be with someone that mirrors and appreciates your belief system…(shrugging) the BS comes in when people play monogamous and really aren’t…therefore creating the perception that actual one/one-non-cheaters exist, a monogamy is “unnatural”…the premise that true monogamy is an urban legend makes me sad…not because I have anything close to that dynamic…but it’s like when you found out the Sugar Hill Gang was just a rudimentary, hip hop themed “boy band” that didn’t really write “Rapper’s Delight” themselves…just really fuggin sad…

            • JBoogie

              “but it’s like when you found out the Sugar Hill Gang was just a rudimentary, hip hop themed “boy band” that didn’t really write “Rapper’s Delight” themselves…just really fuggin sad…”

              wait, WTF? is that true?

              **sad face :(

              • http://www.myspace.com/wudaman19 WuDaMan

                man come on w/ a name like jBOOGIE how you not gonna know that? whiskey tango foxtrot

              • miss t-lee

                whiskey tango foxtrot

                BAHAHAHHAH!!!!! :)

              • http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

                @JBoogie…yes mama…it’s true…they were a group of dudes that didn’t even know each other…they were put together by Sugar Hill Records…and…(sigh) I can’t even finish typing it…it’s too much…just google it…

                PS – I feel bad that I told you something you didn’t already know…like when your drunk uncle Boom Boom tells you there’s no Santa Claus at the family Christmas party so you will have a fit and forget about the last slice of sweet potato pie…(sniff, sniff) my bad BOOGIE…my bad…

              • http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

                whiskey tango foxtrot

                @WuDa…I am going to start saying this…I love random inside jokes…well, only when I’m on the inside…lol…but it’s still HILARIOUS!

              • http://www.myspace.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist

                can I tell you that I am in denial about this so bad that I forget this fact so that each time someone points it out to me I relive the disappointment, its like starring in 50 first bad dates!

            • http://www.myspace.com/wudaman19 WuDaMan

              Aight I was responding to GK’s response to your comment. The they people in western society. Where I agree w/ your stance on the issue. I don’t w/ GK going on what a great majority does makes it natural. Adam and Eve did it Natural. I was saying that old argument your parents told you when you come to them w/ the bandwagon/peer pressure story “everybody is doing it.” If everybody jumps off of the bridge you gonna do that too.

              **lonely tear drop (I’m still not over the Sugar Hill Gang)**

              No worries Rock Da Bells is more than gonna make up for it this weekend WOOHOO (they better do scenario)

              • http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

                yeah yeah yeah I don’t wanna read about it! I can’t go to RTB this year…BUT I got my VIP ticket to the Little Brother/Strange Fruit Project/ Big Daddy Kane show (8/2)…AND I already have a sponsor for the Nas/Kweli show (8/26)!!! August is gonna be a good month!!!

              • miss t-lee

                I’m gonna see Nas next month too. He’s here on (8/24) and Dwele will be here on 8/31. Oh yes ma’am!!!

              • http://www.myspace.com/wudaman19 WuDaMan

                ***mouth gaped open. giving you some serious green eye** That sound like that what it do. I think I’mma make Toronto’s Caribana happen again.

              • http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

                @WuDa…you make me SICK!! lol…Caribana?? DAMMIT I will be in Texas doing nada..now I am pouting…. :(

              • http://www.myspace.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist

                ok I am mad at both of you

                RTB is this weekend here too, and I am not going since the person I was going to go with I had to throw back into the fishing pond

                and Caribana, I was supposed to go with some friends but due to some unexpected things coming up that is not going to happen either

                I’m hating you right now!

            • ForReal

              “but it’s like when you found out the Sugar Hill Gang was just a rudimentary, hip hop themed “boy band” that didn’t really write “Rapper’s Delight” themselves…just really fuggin sad…”
              LOL!

              • JBoogie

                I mean, I was sad because (a) WTH and (b) i don’t know i missed that little tidbit right there…but i think i preferred my ignorance more…oh well…c’est la vie

          • genius khan

            WuDaMan : “…Then fahk going green cuz we been bustin up the world for a lil while now. After all “the marriage bed cannot be defiled”

            heh heh heh (inhale) whooo!

            such sarcasm in your tone sir. LOL!

            suicides up in Japan, will we get the next edition of the Wii….

            stop it, stop it. LOL!

      • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com MsSula

        “Monogamy needs a PR Department”.

        I am getting that t-shirt. :)

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=73903598 Dom

      GK: “a successful marriage/relationship (defined as sticktuitivity) can often hinge on living in mutual denial of infidelity.

      The longer a couple is together the more likely that some sexual indiscretion has happened or is happening in most relationships”

      As much as I hate to admit that this is true, I honestly believe that it is. Maybe Im a bit jaded about the subject considering that I have seen the destruction that cheating causes first-hand, but I dont think that any marriage has gone without a single case of infidelity by either party. Especailly in todays day and age. It just doesn’t happen.

      Did anyone hear the news that Will Smith and Jada are married swingers? Supposedly he confirms the gossip in an upcoming magazine interview. I still haven’t made sense of that lifestyle but I am wondering if thats really the way to go?

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “but I dont think that any marriage has gone without a single case of infidelity by either party”

        dom, my homie “pessimistic” called, and asked why you’re going around and stealing her steez.

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=73903598 Dom

          Like I said I hate to admit it but thats the truth. I dont think people want to admit it or the guilty party wants to own up to it, but it happens.

          Im not saying that cheating is/isnt grounds for dismissal but I do think its a very REAL problem that alot of people have to deal with in terms of relationships. Its just up to the individuals to decide where the line is crossed.

          For some it might be cheating at all sexually, for others it might be forming an emotional connection outside of the couple (speaking of Girlfriends did you see the one where Mya was “emotionally cheating” with Stan from her office? Damn near ended her marriage), I think everyone has a different line.

          We should stop placing so much value on the fact that our other half is completely ours.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            “Like I said I hate to admit it but thats the truth. ”

            thing is, dom, you can’t say “every” just because the marriages you’re personally aware of have been shitty. some spouses are faithful and some aren’t. you can just paint them all with one broad ass stroke

            • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=73903598 Dom

              Whoa whoa, I didnt say “every”, I said dont think that any marriage has gone without a single case of infidelity by either party. That said, dont attemt to nullify my argument on a technicality!

              Thats my opinion. I know plenty of married people who seem to have good working marriages, partnerships, loving relationships with their spouses and children. They’re not “shitty”marriages at all, just ones where one spouse may have dipped out.

              I personally know that I could be faithful to one man for the rest of my life. I know that before I even get to that point. But I think that monogamy is a very real issue that has to be adressed in alot of marriages.

              I cant say for sure how many of the marriages I see have an indiscretion and thats really not my business(I think thats really up to the two people in the marriage to deal with) but I think people need to think a HELL of a lot more outside the box for when issues like this do arise so they’re not so caught off guard.

              To sum it up, IMO marriage+cheating DOESNT = bad marriage. Just one where two people have to work a little harder to satisfy eachother if they really want to be together.

              • http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

                Whoa whoa, I didnt say “every”, I said dont think that any marriage has gone without a single case of infidelity by either party. That said, dont attemt to nullify my argument on a technicality!

                any..every…to-may-toe..to-mah-toe…but real talk…if you define infidelity as something you don’t think you could tell your mate about and retain them as your mate…then I will begrudgungly agree…emotional cheating is just as bad (if not worse) that sticking and moving…inmy mind…the worse part of the shit is the lying and duplicity…not the actual act…if I had the choice to deal with it..you know I would opt out…so your selfish ass chose to keep me in the dark on the shit and fuck a broad you had me thinking was your cousin…oh…wait…ummm….ok….had a flashback…

                (inhale…exhale…wooooo..saaaaaaah)

                but the lying is worse than the fucking to me…I’m just saying…

              • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

                “Whoa whoa, I didnt say “every”, I said dont think that any marriage has gone without a single case of infidelity by either party.”

                in this case “any” and “every” are the exact same thing.

                you do make a couple valid points though

          • http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

            We should stop placing so much value on the fact that our other half is completely ours.

            really? you think so? I can understand them not being completely yours in the context of family, friends, work obligations…but romanticallly?

            I repeat, if committment ain’t your bag..then pass on it…but if you’re going to do it…GO HARD…or GO HOME!…

            if we acquiesce to the idea of a mate NOT being completely ours romantically…then why even be committed? the entire paradigm of monogamy is undermined by that thought…makes it a mute “rule”…if your SO can build similar eros/philos based bonds with others (physical/metaphysical) within the context of your relationship…than your shit just aint that special…and at some point, we all want to feel special…it’s unrealistic to expect their life to revolve around you…there are other VIPs…family, close friends, etc….but I better damn sure want to be the VIP of the VIP section…ya know?

            • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=73903598 Dom

              I guess I just think a little differently.

              I can understand wanting to be the VIP of the VIP section, I can dig it. I want that too. But I just feel like realistically people do so much changing that just cuz you’re the VIP of the VIP section in 2008 doesnt mean that you’ll still be in 2056. That would be nice, its sweet, its an endearing thought and something I think we should all aspire to.

              But I also think that at some point we have to ask ourselves if one piece of ass is really worth breaking up a marriage/relationship over? What if there are kids involved? Assets? IDK, I guess it all just comes down to the people involved and how much they’re willing to put up with.

              • http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

                What if there are kids involved?

                as a product of that stay together for the kids movement…I will respectfully call BULLSH*T!!! it doesn’t do anything for the kids if the issue isn’t really resolved between parents…it’s an ugly, messy dynamic that takes strength of character, honest self evaluation and maybe some therapy to overcome…trust me on that!

              • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=73903598 Dom

                I will respectfully call BULLSH*T!!! it doesn’t do anything for the kids if the issue isn’t really resolved between parents…

                Okay Goody, I totally agree with you on that. Stay together for the kids is BS. But we, especially black families, need to stop looking at cheating as a damn get out of jail free card. Im not saying stay holed up with a triflin mo fo who keeps cheating on and disrespecting you, but work it out and get past that ish!

                And youre right, the lying is much worse. Thats disrespect to your face as opposed to lying behind your back. They’re both bad but shit!

              • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

                “But we, especially black families, need to stop looking at cheating as a damn get out of jail free card.”

                i think we need to start throwing the cheating card out of the deck completely. i mean, i can’t fathom ever being able to feel the same way about my wife again after finding out that she got her back broke by TNN (the next n*gga).

                i think that we just need to do better, seriously. we (black people) let too much faulty behavior slide without holding cats accountable. cheating is just one of many examples of this

              • http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

                I agree on the accountability…but I disagree that this is a uniquely Black issue…occasionally it irks me when race is inserted into a discussion about socio-moral decline…I know trifling folks of every race…so aside from that detail…aashuddaboughtahonda!!!

              • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

                “…but I disagree that this is a uniquely Black issue…occasionally it irks me when race is inserted into a discussion about socio-moral decline”

                i include it because, realisticially speaking, these types of problems have more of a negative effect on our community than america as a whole

          • genius khan

            Dom says: “We should stop placing so much value on the fact that our other half is completely ours.”

            Dom this is what people are having a hard time dealing with particularly sexually. …and yep people have to deal with sex outside marriage because it’s happening at an alarming rate regardless of what societal constructs try to dictate.

            infidelity shouldn’t necessarily destroy “commited” relationships yet more often than not [when found out] it does. part of that problem may be how we are conditioned and taught to ostracize it.

            tell you the truth i’m having a tough time reconciling my feelngs about fidelity and infidelity in relationships as it relates to how it affects supposedly “commited relationships”. however pretending like infidelity is not the norm [and growing] or that some other consrtuct is out and out wrong is not the answer.

      • JBoogie

        See, I personally monogamy boils down to three things; (a) how badly you want to hit/smash the object of your desire; (b) if you think you can do it without getting caught; and (c) if the act of stepping outside is worth it if you get caught. If you think about it and the risk doesn’t seem worth it, you will. If you think you slick enough to get down, then monogamy is moot. Most people ain’t thinking about whether it’s natural or unnatural or whatnot, IMO.

        • http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

          tru dat…it’s all about risk vs reward…classic investment strategy…I think that the ambiuity and confusion come in when non-monogamy minded individuals (for whatever unknown reason) commit to monogamy minded folks…and cheat…

      • JBoogie

        Will and Jada are a trip to me. There was one interview a while back where Jada talked about how she knew she was gonna marry Will, kept an “altar” with his picture on it in her apartment back in the day, meditated on drawing him to her, etc. So anything coming out of either of their mouths…pure hilarity for me.

        • Bougie1

          For some reason I believe she actually did that….

        • http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

          that is bananas…but the bottom line is…it works for them because they are like minded on the subject…

  • JBoogie

    Good sh*t, Champ, good sh*t! This line here especially slayed me: “growl, growl, bitch…”

    But no, on the real, I get MAD tired of people justifying their “impulses” by saying it’s because it’s “unnatural” to be monogamous, etc. IMO…being able to use higher reasoning(i.e. “I probably shouldn’t screw every woman I like raw, then come home to my girl and pass something I catch along to her” ) is what SEPARATES us from certain animal species. Polygamy is not bad, in and of itself, but in many cultures where it was/is practiced and condoned, there are strict rules about it. Men can’t just be taking wives all willy nilly.

    With all that said, in THIS culture, it has been shown that monogamy has a great number of benefits, especially in relation to general health and child rearing (if that’s part of the equation). If monogamy ain’t your cup of tea, cool, fine, do you…but have the decency to get somebody that feels the same. To do otherwise is just unkosher and selfish…and karma is a bish lol.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “Good sh*t, Champ, good sh*t! This line here especially slayed me: “growl, growl, bitch…””

      thanks and shit

    • http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

      If monogamy ain’t your cup of tea, cool, fine, do you…but have the decency to get somebody that feels the same. To do otherwise is just unkosher and selfish…and karma is a bish lol.

      @JBoogie…(Katt Williams impression) this sh*t right here ni99a!

  • Bougie1

    I had this conversation with a homeboy of mine… we were discussing Will and Jada’s marriage… and the fact that Will is admitting that it’s open pretty much like 7-11. He said that this was the ideal marriage because men DON’T know how to be monogamous and he thinks it’s human nature to want more….

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “I had this conversation with a homeboy of mine… we were discussing Will and Jada’s marriage… and the fact that Will is admitting that it’s open pretty much like 7-11. He said that this was the ideal marriage because men DON’T know how to be monogamous and he thinks it’s human nature to want more….”

      see, if he just changes “men dont know how…” to “i dont know how”, then his argument works

      • Bougie1

        LOL…. but what’s the thoughts on that marriage (Will & Jada) anyway, because its seems to be working…. I couldn’t do it and that may be due to my PK (preacher’s kid) status… but I definitely would not be sharing my man, wanting to know my man is boning another chick, or would be boning another man when I have a man at home that I have vows with…. and I know those vows didnt include “until the next best thing..”

        • miss t-lee

          Open marriage my azz.
          If you want an open marriage you need to stay single.
          I would hafta Wayne Brady him and her.

          • Bougie1

            LOL @ miss t-lee! What’s the Wayne Brady?

          • JBoogie

            *plays the tambourine*

            Um, hello…WTF was the purpose of getting married then?

      • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

        I think is more like “I don’t want OR need to find out how”.

        I agree that monogamy is a social construct and I think a couple should be free to engage is whatever type of relationship they want if they’re both in agreement.

        • ForReal

          “a couple should be free to engage is whatever type of relationship they want if they’re both in agreement.”
          I agree. It’s not about whether it works for me, but whether or not it works for BOTH of them. Who cares what I think if i’m not in it?
          Yet another reason to be real with folks, so you can get someone who thinks the way you do on crucial and important issues like monogomy.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          “I agree that monogamy is a social construct and I think a couple should be free to engage is whatever type of relationship they want if they’re both in agreement”

          i agree. the key point here though is “if they’re both in agreement”

    • ForReal

      I know this will and Jada interview everyone is talking about, but maybe i didn’t here the same thing. What i got from it was if will see an attractive woman and he’s ‘feeling’ her, Jada has to approve. But, in terms of things working the other way around he ‘didn’t know what he would do’ if Jada came at him like that. So to me, that’s not truly an open marriage, it’s the same old ‘I can do it but you can’t’ b.s.

      • ForReal

        hear, not here.

      • genius khan

        ForReal. ok thats how the interview went Will can if Jada approves on a case by case basis. more than i thought he could pull off with her. …but yeah it’s that same ol males getting preferential treatment surrounding sleeping around outside of relationships. just like many other animals which i’m sure you take exception to as well although not directly affected.

        just curious do you also take exception to daddy getting the “big piece of chicken” why why why?
        you hate this male dominated world huh? LOL! …or maybe until its time for a woman to get preferential treatment. men opening doors, paying majority of the bills in most marriages/partnerships/dating sityos etc. when the ship is sinking, when it’s time to dig that ditch, cut down that tree, fight that war,

        heh, heh, heh (inhales) whoooooo!

        laugh girl you know what it is….

        still LOL!

        • ForReal

          LOL..Genius you are funny. I didn’t say anything about taking exception to will and jada’s relationship, the animal kingdom or High School Musical 2- i just said that will and jada’s relationship is not an example of an open marriage, cause only one person has the ‘opening’. My point is that it’s really the same old thing, nothing new or unique. And for the record, as long as my hunger is satisfied, he can have the ‘big piece of chicken’ if that’s what it takes to make him happy :-)

          • http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

            i just said that will and jada’s relationship is not an example of an open marriage, cause only one person has the ‘opening’.

            ECK-fuggin-ZACKTLY!! what they got is consensual-extra-marital-affair-ness…and Jada is the bomb..he would be sh*tting bricks if she came at him with somthing like that…plus…ummmm…I don’t think Will is just boning women…(shrugging) I’m going to do a littlee work now…speak easy!

      • http://www.myspace.com/wudaman19 WuDaMan

        Was they on Oprah saying that stuff? I think I remember an episode where they were on there and he said she approves of him having a crush for a year and nothing about them acting on said crush. But that was years ago.

    • genius khan

      dam i didn’t know Will copped to he and Jada having an open marriage. me and my homey talk about having a “hollywood marriage”

      you know wife and baby up with out the marriage certificate and or fidelity in many cases. if you do get the papers make surre to get the pre-nup which is becoming more and more prevelant amongst the commoners.

      Andre 3000 sings “Hollywood Divorce”

      • Bougie1

        I love that song genius!