Comments on: Mommas and The Poppas http://verysmartbrothas.com/mommas-and-the-poppas/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=mommas-and-the-poppas Wed, 23 May 2012 08:44:59 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Minahttp://verysmartbrothas.com/mommas-and-the-poppas/#comment-23266 Mina Thu, 21 Aug 2008 08:03:47 +0000 http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/?p=92#comment-23266 Well, I know that I am quite late on this post...but I personally felt conflicted when comparing some of the situations to that of my own experience. I grew up with both mother and father married in the home, but I will say that once I was no longer in that cute cudly baby form, my father was not all that great. This is where I presently am with the situation; after hearing praises of my father from other people since his death in a car accident 7 years ago, just felt like all these people speak of him like he's a saint. I know he is my father, but God knows within our home, he was distant, and in my opinon treated those strangers better than he treated us (mom sisters and myself). I think it affects you when you are able to see your father laughing and joking with other people, yet as soon as they come home, he is watching the news, and barely even says a word. I don't have a lot of experience in real relationships because I have never been in one, and I am still trying to find my way with what seems like analyzing my mistakes and really not trying to make them again. But with a dad in the home that rarely communicated with you about anything at all (boys, self-esteem, hopes, dreams, compliments, encouragement) I guess I felt like I was lacking...Don't know if I should go to therapy for this, but I was suprised as ever when both exes turned out to be so much alike in the end...had me thinking there is something that I am giving off that is not attracting what I want. Too damn long, I know, but families are very complicated. With a father that passed away, I guess you really are more vulnerable to things like bad relationships, and masked disrespectful boys who seem like the perfect bf in the beginning. Mom is and was always there, but her control issues, and lack of being completely open to topics that I raised on here, take their toll as well. Well, I know that I am quite late on this post…but I personally felt conflicted when comparing some of the situations to that of my own experience. I grew up with both mother and father married in the home, but I will say that once I was no longer in that cute cudly baby form, my father was not all that great. This is where I presently am with the situation; after hearing praises of my father from other people since his death in a car accident 7 years ago, just felt like all these people speak of him like he’s a saint. I know he is my father, but God knows within our home, he was distant, and in my opinon treated those strangers better than he treated us (mom sisters and myself). I think it affects you when you are able to see your father laughing and joking with other people, yet as soon as they come home, he is watching the news, and barely even says a word. I don’t have a lot of experience in real relationships because I have never been in one, and I am still trying to find my way with what seems like analyzing my mistakes and really not trying to make them again. But with a dad in the home that rarely communicated with you about anything at all (boys, self-esteem, hopes, dreams, compliments, encouragement) I guess I felt like I was lacking…Don’t know if I should go to therapy for this, but I was suprised as ever when both exes turned out to be so much alike in the end…had me thinking there is something that I am giving off that is not attracting what I want. Too damn long, I know, but families are very complicated. With a father that passed away, I guess you really are more vulnerable to things like bad relationships, and masked disrespectful boys who seem like the perfect bf in the beginning. Mom is and was always there, but her control issues, and lack of being completely open to topics that I raised on here, take their toll as well.

]]> By: utc115http://verysmartbrothas.com/mommas-and-the-poppas/#comment-12107 utc115 Fri, 04 Jul 2008 05:35:58 +0000 http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/?p=92#comment-12107 I am trying to figure out if it is a DAddy issue or a Mommy issue.Well my father wasnt there but I wouldnt say I blame some on my insecurities on my father. We are responsible for the things that happen in our lives. I Was raised in the church and there were men before me that took care of their families and did X Y and Z.Then the flip side is if my dad had stayed in my home and unhappy or whatever have u would I still have these insecurities, would it be better, or would it be worse.I think my insecurities are my problem. and these are things that I should work on. TRUST and COMMUNICATION. I am trying to figure out if it is a DAddy issue or a Mommy issue.

Well my father wasnt there but I wouldnt say I blame some on my insecurities on my father. We are responsible for the things that happen in our lives. I Was raised in the church and there were men before me that took care of their families and did X Y and Z.

Then the flip side is if my dad had stayed in my home and unhappy or whatever have u would I still have these insecurities, would it be better, or would it be worse.

I think my insecurities are my problem. and these are things that I should work on. TRUST and COMMUNICATION.

]]> By: don giovannihttp://verysmartbrothas.com/mommas-and-the-poppas/#comment-8695 don giovanni Thu, 19 Jun 2008 19:12:23 +0000 http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/?p=92#comment-8695 genius, genius!!! genius, genius!!!

]]> By: Leogoddesshttp://verysmartbrothas.com/mommas-and-the-poppas/#comment-8621 Leogoddess Thu, 19 Jun 2008 15:05:16 +0000 http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/?p=92#comment-8621 Wow so many comments I guess everyone is relating to this one! I know for a fact that daddies are very important in a family structure being that I have all sisters with both parents in the home growing up and my father seem to grow more and more distant with each child coming of age. I was the first he was in the service and was away a lot but we did spent time together and I got my ass whooped when I deserved it my father was there but of course my mother did most of the nurturing and child rearing my middle sister got less and my baby sister well, he hardly even noticed her (she was suppose to be a boy by the way). She never got spankings from him he never raised his voice at her. He basically let my mom raise her and her being my mom's last child didn't let the other sisters discipline her either (we're all 8 years apart) I was away in college with the baby sister was growing up and came home to a spoiled little girl who grew up in the suburbs (I was raised when they were young and poor in the hood) who so desperately wanted to be "sooo hood" well she has succeeded, only dating thugs (that like to give her spankings) only speaking with a ghetto accent (you know what I mean) 3 kids at 21 and my mom blames my dad for everything. I don't know what my daddy issues are, he was in the home he came to a few recitals, he sometimes commented on my grades, he was at the bus station to see me off to school. What effected me most was not my relationship with my father but his relationship with my mother. Wow so many comments I guess everyone is relating to this one! I know for a fact that daddies are very important in a family structure being that I have all sisters with both parents in the home growing up and my father seem to grow more and more distant with each child coming of age. I was the first he was in the service and was away a lot but we did spent time together and I got my ass whooped when I deserved it my father was there but of course my mother did most of the nurturing and child rearing my middle sister got less and my baby sister well, he hardly even noticed her (she was suppose to be a boy by the way). She never got spankings from him he never raised his voice at her. He basically let my mom raise her and her being my mom’s last child didn’t let the other sisters discipline her either (we’re all 8 years apart) I was away in college with the baby sister was growing up and came home to a spoiled little girl who grew up in the suburbs (I was raised when they were young and poor in the hood) who so desperately wanted to be “sooo hood” well she has succeeded, only dating thugs (that like to give her spankings) only speaking with a ghetto accent (you know what I mean) 3 kids at 21 and my mom blames my dad for everything. I don’t know what my daddy issues are, he was in the home he came to a few recitals, he sometimes commented on my grades, he was at the bus station to see me off to school. What effected me most was not my relationship with my father but his relationship with my mother.

]]> By: Naomihttp://verysmartbrothas.com/mommas-and-the-poppas/#comment-8498 Naomi Thu, 19 Jun 2008 01:19:47 +0000 http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/?p=92#comment-8498 i've been a frequent visitor of this here site, but never contributed, but this post hit home. i do believe that there is such a thing as having the so called "daddy issues." For some it may be from abuse(physical or emotional), not having a father around, or in my case, having one that simply didn't know what he was 'posed to do. I choose not to use this as a crutch in life or r-ships and I think many women can work on doing this.BTW....i love this site....keep it coming smart brothas! i’ve been a frequent visitor of this here site, but never contributed, but this post hit home. i do believe that there is such a thing as having the so called “daddy issues.” For some it may be from abuse(physical or emotional), not having a father around, or in my case, having one that simply didn’t know what he was ‘posed to do. I choose not to use this as a crutch in life or r-ships and I think many women can work on doing this.

BTW….i love this site….keep it coming smart brothas!

]]> By: AroundHarlem.comhttp://verysmartbrothas.com/mommas-and-the-poppas/#comment-8497 AroundHarlem.com Thu, 19 Jun 2008 00:53:34 +0000 http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/?p=92#comment-8497 “It is easy to overcome your own family while creating a new one. Just like with anything else in life, one can learn from someone elses’ mistakes or shortcomings.”

This statement is partially true. I say partially because as you interact with other people their own issues come into play and then you have to figure out if the problem is you or them.

I think the main key to overcoming issues is self reflection PLUS communication with your partner and even friends. You can’t overcome your issues in a vacuum by yourself.

]]> By: AroundHarlem.comhttp://verysmartbrothas.com/mommas-and-the-poppas/#comment-8496 AroundHarlem.com Thu, 19 Jun 2008 00:40:38 +0000 http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/?p=92#comment-8496 There are all types of daddy issues.The ones that you/we have cause relationship stress too. We're just lucky that our issues are not the worst. There are all types of daddy issues.

The ones that you/we have cause relationship stress too. We’re just lucky that our issues are not the worst.

]]> By: southernabellehttp://verysmartbrothas.com/mommas-and-the-poppas/#comment-8495 southernabelle Thu, 19 Jun 2008 00:38:28 +0000 http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/?p=92#comment-8495 I think I have ME issues...we all do- yes- granted we have some residue from our parents...but we are a combination of our own life choices and exp... you grown as you are watered... As an adult...we have to be responsilbe for OUR choices-- as easy as it is to say..shes like that bc her daddy wasnt there- or hes like that bc his mom was there to much....To me -- its an easy out...evaluate what you need to start...stop...and continue doing in your life to make it better..I thank God my folks stayed together...from that I learned that no one is perefect...and in that...you can still stay together...I guess that's just how we do in the souf.... In the end..loving/liking someone past their issues is what I got from my parents...which I think is a good thing... I think I have ME issues…we all do- yes- granted we have some residue from our parents…but we are a combination of our own life choices and exp… you grown as you are watered…
As an adult…we have to be responsilbe for OUR choices– as easy as it is to say..shes like that bc her daddy wasnt there- or hes like that bc his mom was there to much….To me — its an easy out…evaluate what you need to start…stop…and continue doing in your life to make it better..I thank God my folks stayed together…from that I learned that no one is perefect…and in that…you can still stay together…I guess that’s just how we do in the souf…. In the end..loving/liking someone past their issues is what I got from my parents…which I think is a good thing…

]]> By: AroundHarlem.comhttp://verysmartbrothas.com/mommas-and-the-poppas/#comment-8494 AroundHarlem.com Thu, 19 Jun 2008 00:37:57 +0000 http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/?p=92#comment-8494 Some people do the exact opposite of the same sexed parent too. They go to the other extreme.Ex. I'm never gonna let a man treat me like she let him.At least that's what I did. Some people do the exact opposite of the same sexed parent too. They go to the other extreme.

Ex. I’m never gonna let a man treat me like she let him.

At least that’s what I did.

]]> By: AroundHarlem.comhttp://verysmartbrothas.com/mommas-and-the-poppas/#comment-8493 AroundHarlem.com Thu, 19 Jun 2008 00:12:33 +0000 http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/?p=92#comment-8493 You make a valid point about parents treating their sons and daughters differently.I used to argue with my parents about this all the time.I was a jr. feminist talking about this is the 1980's not the 1950's.........LOL. You make a valid point about parents treating their sons and daughters differently.

I used to argue with my parents about this all the time.

I was a jr. feminist talking about this is the 1980′s not the 1950′s………LOL.

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