Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Featured, Pop Culture, Race & Politics

Michael Sam and The Kiss Seen ‘Round the World

10football1-articleLargeMichael Sam, the Mizzou foootball player who came out as gay and attempted to become the first openly gay player in the NFL got his wish. He was drafted in the 7th round of the NFL draft and ESPN had the camera in what seemed like somebody else’s kitchen (turns out he was in San Diego at a draft party….7th round? Must have been the longest party ever) since nan person in his family was there for the reaction as history was being made.

Then it happened. Michael Sams, flanked by his who I’m guessing is his boyfriend (?), began to cry as many a man who has been drafted has done, and his boothang rubbed his arm, then they did a quick kiss that was almost perfectly made for television. It almost seemed too convenient. Now, I don’t doubt the sincerity of it all but I’m sure ESPN was very happy to have caught that on tape and stayed and returned as much as humanly possible to that home that belonged to somebody. See, since Sam came out there’s been a mad dash towards tolerance. Which is a good thing. And the sports world has more or less gone out of its way to claim that it his sexuality isn’t an issue. Of course there are some folks who took issue but those vocal numbers are becoming smaller and smaller. It’s one of those times are changing eras. You either accept it or get left behind. Daniel Snyder could stand to learn a lesson or two.

But that kiss. All 1 seconds of it seemed to have sent off a riptide of reactions from people. See it’s one thing for people to know that a man is gay. But seeing a man be gay is a whole different ball game. No pun intended. The words came swift and ferocious (and many ended up being deleted).

Switching gears for a minute…do you all remember Karamo Brown from Real World: Philadelphia? Karamo doesn’t get enough credit for introducing many of us to a “non-stereotypical black gay male”. When Karamo let his castmates (and the viewing audience) know that he was gay it was one of those, “wait…what?” moments. For one, he didn’t fit most stereotypes of what we thought gay Black men were like. He was, in effect, like 99 percent of “regular” Black dudes. Namely, you just couldn’t tell by looking. This caused many of us to have to deal with the fact that wow, this whole “gay” thing was more complex than we realized or wanted it to be. But even still, him saying it was still a layer away from witnessing it.

Until he went clubbing one night. I remember watching that scene and realizing that despite having many gay friends, that was the first time I’d ever seen a man be gay. Like the act of showing lust, love, and emotions towards another man in a romantic way (in that scene). I called one of my boys, who was gay, and was like, man…I just realized I’ve never seen this before and its thrown me all the way off. Now…that was the point I realized that it was about me…not anybody else. Me and the homey had a long talk about it that night and I checked myself. Boo.

Fast forward to a few days ago and folks reactions to seeing that kiss are all over the place. Shouts out to the Bible were made. Folks were claiming that the kids will suffer seeing that on ESPN. The same argument against gay marriage…think of the kids. I don’t begrudge anybody their opinion, but I do think that some people reeeeeeeeeeally need to be careful about that one.

There are people who absolutely attempt to live their life as biblically as possible. My next door neighbors in high school were those people. They were down right Puritan. All the kids went to Bible College type of family. Impressively holding steadfast. Now, that ain’t most people. The REST of us have our own issues and chose to view a grown man pecking another grown man on the lips as the visual manifestation of what they weren’t ready for. Sure, he can be gay in the league as long as he keeps that gay sh*t at home. But when its being broadcast (and admittedly it was a bit gratuitous on ESPN’s part as I said earlier) its a step too far.

I get why its uncomfortable for people; I do. I also think its something that folks need to get over. Much like all change, folks are okay with it on their own terms until they blink and the world is different. They never really come around but they also can’t fight it anymore. Except today, social media makes it easier to yell your opinion from a mountaintop. What I find most interesting is folks feeling such a strong need to voice said opinion.

This isn’t the first or last time that folks feel such a need. I can almost understand folks being upset with ESPN. But I do think the shots being taken at Michael Sam are a bit much. Let that man cook.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the IDIOTIC “experiment” of Marshall Henderson, the Ole Miss basketball player who went full *CENSORED* on Twitter and then pretended he was just helping his homey out with a psychology experiment. Kids, you never go full *CENSORED*.

Anyway…thoughts? Reactions? Does it matter at all?

(Don’t worry, well get to Sterling’s trainwreck of an interview)

-VSB P

 

Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. He believes the children are our future and is waiting to find out if he is the 2nd most interesting man in the world.

  • nillalatte

    First! :P And, nah, it doesn’t matter, but I’d rather not see PDA from anyone honestly.

    You know, I have had umpteen numbers of gay friends (male and female) over the years. I can’t recall any of them participating in PDA with their partner. Maybe it’s just a new age of enlightenment. Like, yes, gay people kiss. Whaaa?

    The first time I saw guys holding hands and ‘cuddling’ with one another in Kuwait I asked my husband if they were gay. He said, “Nah, this is normal.” Okay, gay in Kuwait is ‘not’ normal, but ‘acting gay’ is? But, this is from my Western point of view, sooooo…..

    • TheOtherJerome

      Whats wrong with PDA?

      • Msdebbs

        Its gross no matter if your gay or straight….says the lady that’s been single too long :(
        Yes I’m hating.

        • TheOtherJerome

          When i was going through a frustrating dry period, i started thinking positively toward/ being happy for, people in loving happy relationships. That included people who gratuitously PDA’d.

          I’m no longer in a dry spell.

          Is it related? I think so. But i’ve always been a “put energy into the universe to get return on investment” type.

          • menajeanmaehightower

            I need to learn how to do this more. I always overanalyze the good and the bad that can happen in any given situation.

          • Ms TLC

            YES!! This is me! When my fiance passed away I became more of a “romantic” than ever. I remember my bff telling me that during that time she would consciously avoid discussing “happy” things about her marriage/home life because she didn’t want to “rub it in”… I was like WHAA?? NOOOO, don’t do that! I need that, I want to see and be in the presence of “happiness” espcially a couple like them who always had a tumultuous relationship. I don’t think she ever really trusted or understood this but it was so very important. I don’t understand “hating,” its so counterproductive, I mean I get it, it’s just so seems so unnecessary.

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              It’s not hating for everybody. If you want to be in love in that moment, by all means, go ahead. But slobbering face on the Burger King line waiting for your Big King doesn’t strike me as….romantic.

              • Ms TLC

                “…slobbering face on the Burger King line…”

                But why would you use such a dramatic example? Who here is comparing that kiss or similar PDA’s with public soft porn and calling it romantic?

              • TheOtherJerome

                LOL see i can’t hate on PDA… i’ve been twisted in the Bar/Club with an old or new friend one too many times. I mean, how would i know she likes me if we doggone near didn’t make love in the club like Usher :-)

                Ya’ll would hate being around me lol

              • Msdebbs

                Please add the check out lane at wally world while paying with WIC stamps….aint nobody got time for that.

            • Val

              Sorry to hear of your loss.

              • Ms TLC

                Thank you.

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            You did good for wishing well on folks. Because I wish misfortune every minute of everyday on folks

            • Instagram Model

              Lmao!! You wilding.

          • Msdebbs

            I’m happy for people in loving happy relationships…I’m just not a fan of PDA.

            • Abhorsen

              But,if that azz looks right in that dress and a nice pat is in order….

              • Msdebbs

                You need Jesus and all the saints….

            • http://trulytafakari.com/ dtafakari

              My husband doesn’t even like INTERNET PDA.

              “Oh baby, you’re my best friend and I love you and cherish your presence in my life.”

              “Eww, not in public!”

              • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

                ePDA is real out here, you post a pic and chicks be “look at my baby wearing that shirt i picked out 18 weeks ago, i love you”

              • ForeverCC

                sounds like my husband lol

          • Abhorsen

            Dry spell.what’s that. Is it some sort of myth like the friendzone

            • Val

              *watches as Sahel Hottodds*

              • Abhorsen

                Am not,am clarifying

              • http://trulytafakari.com/ dtafakari

                sometimes I hear a petulant child and it amuses me.

            • TheOtherJerome

              Dry spell.what’s that. Is it some sort of myth like the friendzone

              I need to learn from you my friend :-)

          • PhlyyPhree

            Man look. I have been SO happy in the recent two years….for other people. I have bought wedding presents and baby presents, prayed for friends, prayed with friends…I can’t be any happier for people in loving happy relationships….soooo WHERE’S MINE???

            Sorry. Sorry. I’m just a little impatient

        • Instagram Model

          Imma pray for you witcho hating azz!

          • Msdebbs

            Thanks…lemme add to that prayer wish list make sure he’s
            Honest & Employed.

        • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

          Aww *hugs* behind closed doors tho

        • Abhorsen

          It’s summer. You will get the right hose pipe to water your lawn

        • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ RubyWooWho

          Agreed. No one wants to see it ever. A peck on the lips/cheek is cool I suppose but these long make out sessions in public spaces? Just fugg already and get it over with.

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        It’s gross, wack, and stupid. If you wanna bust it wide open, then bust it wide open. Quit playing games.

        • Instagram Model

          Ummmm, no. I like seeing PDA. It’s heartwarming. Now if the two parties are involved in kissing each other like hippopotamuses and groping each other like archeologists trying to determine the origins of those dead bones, then, it is gross.

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            That’s all I ever see. Hand holding and slight kisses are great. Face humping should be grounds for assassination.

            • Ms TLC

              This is hilarious!!!! But I agree

              • RewindingtonMaximus

                I tease, but i just can’t. If that must sexual tension exists, then drop the draws right there

                • Instagram Model

                  That’s fine. I’ll watch.

            • Instagram Model

              Face humping is good too. However, there are some people who kiss each other like they are going to eat the other’s whole face. This is very prevalent in Naija movies. The kissing is out of this world, like completely Mars/Neptune or Jupiter like.

              • RewindingtonMaximus

                I just can’t, ole Hungry Hungry Hippo type mutha f u c k a s

          • Epsilonicus

            None of that badmouthing of archaeologists!!!

      • nillalatte

        I guess that’s where my conservative/modest views lie. I just don’t care to see people exchanging body fluids in public. Holding hands, sure, not a problem. More than that, I just don’t care for the view.

        • Val

          The thing is, it was just a smack on the lips. It wasn’t like they were tonguing each other down. But, the media captured the kiss in a way that made it seem more than it was.

          • nillalatte

            Yeah, I haven’t seen the video/pic of the kiss. I mean, what did folks expect? He openly admitted he was gay, so did ‘they’ think his partner wouldn’t share in the celebration of him getting drafted? BTW, my comments were not specifically geared toward gay relationships. I’ve seen some straight couples that made me really uncomfortable and damn near having chex in public.

            • Val

              I see you’ve joined the one eye crew. Lol

              • nillalatte

                LOL… I tried to go for two eyes, but the pic is too big. I tried to make it smaller, but it just wouldn’t. sigh. So, one eye… the one I’m keeping on VSB! LMAO!

                • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ RubyWooWho

                  Illuminati!!!!!

              • Instagram Model

                But you know you the queen of it doe! You stay serving dem nicely done brows.

                • nillalatte

                  Heeeeeeyyyyy, wait a dog gone minute… my Bollywood Indian eyebrow threading woman would argue that she does the best brow… exhibit A… <<<<<

                  • Val

                    Indian threaders are the best!

                  • Msdebbs

                    Eyebrow threading is the devil….I’ll stick with ming lee and waxing. Thanks!

                    • Val

                      It’s that darn waxing that’s the debil.

                    • nillalatte

                      I ain’t gonna lie, it hurts, and because I’m fair complected, I walk around for a while like someone has sucked a figure 8 around my brows! LOL But, I’m the kind of person that likes to have all the pain over with as quickly as possible. Threading is my torture of choice. LOL

                    • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ RubyWooWho

                      I’m trying to grow mine out. It’s going to be a rough summer for my brows :-(

                  • Instagram Model

                    Mine too does a FANTASTIC job. #teamthreadingONLYbyIndians. It’s an artform

            • Abhorsen

              I see lus……..

          • Ms TLC

            Exactly. I don’t get why people are using such extreme examples, unless I’m watching porn I don’t wanna see people having (or close to) chex in public, either.

          • Rachmo

            Ma’am. From all the brouhaha I was expecting some groping at least. That was a church kiss.

    • Val

      Str8 men in India hold hands too.

      • Sigma_Since 93

        They do in lots of countries. I remember learning about that in my Spanish class when the young men and women would go out in groups and it was common to see a man hold another man’s hand.

        • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ RubyWooWho

          Why are men so homophobic in America? The only time men engage each other for embrace is during sports. Matter of fact, that’s usually the only time men get emotional. Which is really sad now that I think about it.

          • Sigma_Since 93

            Religious remnants and taboos. I wouldn’t limit homophobic men to being solely residing in US (Russia anyone). It’s very widespread.

            • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

              Good point about Russia. Over there, being anti-gay is also wrapped up in being anti-West and standing up for the Russian Way ™. A lot of homophobia is based on the belief that gay people are some secret Fifth Column that is out to destroy the Russian Way of life, and it’s not particularly religious. Heck, even to the extent it is religious, it’s also nationalistic, since it’s tied up with the Russian Orthodox Church.

            • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ RubyWooWho

              I can’t speak on Russia because I’m not there. I just see the blatant homophobia from men I know here and it really baffles me. Straight men here are so threatened by other men who don’t like puccy. That being said, these same individuals encourage same-chex interaction among women and brag about being in 3somes or fantasizing about them. I know it’s a “power” thing though.

              • Sigma_Since 93

                Religious remnants and taboos. That’s all I can say.

          • Val

            Usually stuff like that can be traced back to the Victorian days.

            • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

              Slight correction: it goes back to the muscular Christianity movement, which overlapped both the Victorian and Edwardian eras.

    • panamajackson

      While I think that excessive PDA is a problem, a man kissing another man for 1 second or less – like that kiss – could hardly be considered excessive. Nobody gets mad when you see old people kiss each other on the cheek. Or anybody really. Folks dont like excessive. I think him kissing this man got lumpedinto excessive.

      • nillalatte

        Probably by others who are uncomfortable with gay folks expressing themselves. But, really? This isn’t the first time gay folks been on television smooching. What awards show married several gay couples and they all showed them kissing? Can’t remember. I think I see more now than say in the past 15 years or so, but for the most part, it’s very G rated, IMHO.

        Oh, and I just saw the pic late last night. Meh. Wasn’t all that. Keep calm, keep it moving. ;)

  • minxbrie

    Here’s my two cents: for those who get all up in arms about queer relationships saying that it shouldn’t be shoved in people’s faces/it should only be behind closed doors/it shouldn’t be promoted at all… isn’t heterosexuality continuously shoved in people’s faces/promoted/let to fly all wild about in the open?

    I think exposure to different identities is important because it challenges our normative understanding of the world and dismantles harmful stereotypes. (I’m also immune to people who are openly bigots, because to me, nothing they say is surprising, it’s the subtle ones you have to look out for.)

    • Val

      “… isn’t heterosexuality continuously shoved in people’s faces/promoted/let to fly all wild about in the open?”

      Exactly. But seeing one kiss between two men is just too much for some to bare.

    • miss t-lee

      I’m not a huge fan of PDA, be it straight or gay. However I don’t get up in arms about it.

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      It’s always “what’s good for the goose isn’t good for the gander”.

      Somebody always trying to leave somebody else out the picture.

    • lost scholar

      But won’t the counter argument be that 90-95% of people are heterosexual so it’s not so much throwing it in people’s face as it is the majority viewpoint statistically speaking.

      I agree though people needed to be exposed to different ideas and people. People need to realize their view or experience is not the same as someone else’s.

      Edit: ignore the photo

      • minxbrie

        Not when we can spend endless amounts of time discussing the 1% who definitely don’t represent a majority viewpoint but manage to maintain the most power.

        I would also argue since we only understand gender/sexuality through a Western view based on Eurocentricism, that heterosexuality isn’t really the majority in as much as it is part of socialized teaching that there is no “wiggle room” in sexuality (or gender).

        • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

          If you really wanna take it there, there are a number of interpretations within Western thinking. The Latin mindset about homosexuality is different from the Anglosphere mindset, which is different from others parts of the West.

          • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ RubyWooWho

            how so?

            • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

              The biggie is that if you are only into dudes, but just top them, you’re considered straight in Latin America. There’s also a much bigger acceptance of cross-dressing and transgendered folk as well.

  • menajeanmaehightower

    I remember when Shannon Faukner broke down a huge barrier by being the first woman to attend The Citadel. It was a big deal in SC. People hated her but her case made perfect sense: you can’t get public funding and try to make your school all one gender. My only problem with her is that even though she broke down the door, she was the wrong person to break it down. She was out of shape and not mentally nor emotionally prepared to endure the h311 that already existed at The Citadel. Being that she was also overweight and couldn’t handle the rigors of the military workouts, she ended up dropping out. However, since then, more and more women have graduated from that school and it isn’t a big deal to hear a young woman say she attends the school.

    By all accounts, Sam was a great defensive end in the SEC. In fact, he was the 2013 co-defensive player which isn’t easy for a conference that is known, almost solely, for it’s defense. However, he performed poorly at the combine. This left the NFL between a rock and a hard place: we don’t pick him and we look like bigots even though when he performed with the best of his peers he didn’t do well when it truly mattered (on the NFL grand scheme of things) OR we do pick him, take a chance, and pray that he gets off the bench and does well.

    I hope that he doesn’t pull a Shannon Faukner. That when he gets called off the bench he does well. He’s already opened many doors for so many gay athletes but (and this is going to sound bad) a part of me wishes he were a better representation athletically at the combine. He has the courage and the heart and granted, none of these kids has played one game of professional football. Sam could be on the level of Tom Brady (who was drafted in the sixth round and the rest is history) for his position but there is a part of me that feels if you are going to break down a barrier and alleviate as much doubt as possible, you have no choice but to be the absolute best at what you do since you are a representation of the whole.

    I wish him well. If anything, Sam will forever be remembered as putting his entire career on the line for simply being his true self and now that he has picked a team, there are young men out there who can be a little less scared about who they are. This alone, especially as a black young man, deserves respect. In a day and age where black men (and men in general) are forever questioned about their masculinity, for this guy to say, I’m going to do me, is wonderful. Side note: he didn’t come out his senior year. Dude was out for a long while meaning that he chose to be himself when the stakes were at their highest.

    As for the kiss, people under a certain age and those who live in cities could probably care less.

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      He has a mouth on him. If he’s gonna use it to keep talking junk about what woulda, shoulda, coulda happened, he better be about that life all day, every day forever more.

    • SuperStrings

      “However, since then, more and more women have graduated from that school and it isn’t a big deal to hear a young woman say she attends the school.”
      This sort of goes against your assertion that she was the wrong person to break down the door. Out of shape or not, if she hadn’t brought attention to it, many other qualified women might not have had a chance to attend.

      • menajeanmaehightower

        She was the wrong person because she didn’t finish out though i can’t deny that her trying didn’t help others. After she dropped out, many said that women couldn’t handle being at the Citadel. This is what you don’t want. You want to break down the door AND finish so that there is never any doubt for the others that come behind you. Like i said, if you are going to break a door down, you better bulldoze the door down and your haters with it. .

    • panamajackson

      I read an article about him yesterday that made similar points to him playing in St. Louis, saying it would have been better had he gone undrafted and been able to sign to any team that actually had a need for him. He’d likely have a better and more substantive career. Though Jeff Fisher seems to be very high on him.

      • menajeanmaehightower

        I agree and i am rooting for this kid to perform.

  • TheOtherJerome

    It was awesome seeing the few friends in my FB feed be outraged when dude kissed his BF. I’m like “what did you expect him to do? Hi-Five his man?”

    The world continues to change. The people should get over it, unless they want to give themselves heart attacks.

    • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

      Exactly. I ended up going HARD on some people on FB over this. I live in NY, where gay marriage has been around for a hot minute, and Stonewall happened in the 60s. You’re going to flip out over your kid seeing gay people now? C’mon dog!

  • Val

    Solange Knowles’ New EP

    1. Meet me in the Elevator Feat. Yung Joc

    2. She Can’t Save You

    3. Wait till those Doors Close Feat. Chief Keef

    4. Fcuk Security

    5. You ain’t Fam

    *All tracks produced by Marion “Suge” Knight

    • Msdebbs

      6. Kunck If You Buck

    • miss t-lee

      7. “Tussle”-Big Tuck

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      Just leaving this here

      • Val
      • Val

        That Chris Brown one makes me uncomfortable, Rewind.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          Val…..just let it be. You know we don’t condone that life.

          • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

            It’s for the good of the country that it wasn’t Chris Brown. America doesn’t need to see him whip up on a chick live. Besides, the dude needs a LOT of therapy.

            • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ RubyWooWho

              He needs more than that. Is he still sitting in jail in DC?

              • Val

                I think he has been or is about to be transferred back to a LA jail.

                • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ RubyWooWho

                  You’d think black men would want to avoid jail and make better life decisions.

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      And this

    • Instagram Model

      You forgot to include:

      Let me leg drop you feat. Miguel.

      Solange needs the Almighty. Apparently she had gone off on Rachel Roy too, minus the physical exercise.

      • Msdebbs

        Solange is a loose cannon. Idk what he did to piss her off but she’s clearly the bout it bout it one in the fam.

        • Val

          There’s a rumor that he hit Bey. It could be bs but it would explain why Bey didn’t try to break it up.

          • nillalatte

            He hit her? OMG, does he have a death wish? ALL of her fans will trample him to death. I kind of think if he hit Bey, he would have popped off on Solange without a problem. But, he didn’t.

            • Val

              There will be stan riots all over the country if it’s true.

          • Msdebbs

            I wouldn’t put it past him …

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzQPPno6PmA

            • Val

              Oh snap.

            • Freebird

              Yeah. Dude went at Chris Brown and this been out there for years.

        • Instagram Model

          She stays going off. I remember an interview she went off because of being asked about how she feels being in the shadow of her sister. Who gon check her? Beyonce and Jay need to start cutting her some checks to hire a PR firm to spin these situations into stories of her just being a passionate conversationalist.

          • Msdebbs

            “passionate conversationalist”
            Ha! Homegirl has anger problems. But I guess I’d have a chip on my shoulder too if my sister was Beyonce instead of a freeloading diva sleeping on my couch with a loser bf that has no direction in life…

            • Abhorsen

              Is she not single

              • Msdebbs

                Might as well be.

        • Abhorsen

          Hold up,Jay could be innocent here. Why is everyone claiming Jay did something

          • Msdebbs

            If TMZ quits playing and gets the audio then we’ll all know whats up.

            • menajeanmaehightower

              You know they have someone who can read lips.

            • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ RubyWooWho

              I’m sure they’ll never get their hands on the audio if there even is any. To my knowledge, most cameras in elevators aren’t equipped with audio.

        • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

          Beyonce merely adopted H Town, Solange was born in it….molded by it *Bane voice*

    • Sigma_Since 93

      Rianna’s I’ll Fight a Man Remixed

    • Rachmo

      Ante Up?

      • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

        I’ll just leave this here…
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3MUGAxpI0Bc

        • Rachmo

          *stops eating steel cut oats to throw up a gang sign*

          • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

            And this is why you eat your steel cut oats before listening to gangsta rap music. :)

          • Abhorsen

            ” Gets up and moves to the other side of the VSB quad because the feds now be watching Rachmo “

            • IcePrincess

              And she gon be fresh as heII

          • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

            Pics or it didn’t happen

          • NomadaNare

            You still hard. Buster a*s marks eat rolled oats. Steel cut for life homie.

        • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

          *turns up*

    • http://trulytafakari.com/ dtafakari

      8. I Ain’t Never Scared- Bone Crusher

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

      8. Can I Kick It

      • IcePrincess

        Yes you can!

    • Abhorsen

      16. DMX. Who We Be

    • Sigma_Since 93

      I’ll House You – Bonus Track

    • SuperStrings

      Curious. A dude gets attacked, and everyone laughs at him for showing restraint, while also making up reasons why he must have deserved it. Reverse the genders, and this same attitude would be condemned.

      • Val

        First, why are you asking just me?

        But, I’ll answer your question. To the first part, Jay Z wasn’t hurt. So, I think that’s why many are able to make light of it. Second, it was a family altercation rather than one between lovers/ spouses/ strangers. Finally, since the Bey/ Jay camp is notoriously silent on the inner workings of their lives people are speculating and will continue to.

        On your final point; if Solo had actually hurt him then as I said the reaction would be different. But, I agree that regardless of gender folks shouldn’t assault each other.

        I also think that since these folks are so high profile the reaction is different than it would be otherwise.

        • ForeverCC

          i’m pretty sure that bey and solange lost in the game of taboo the night before. jayz was bragging again and solange couldn’t take it. that’s why bey wasn’t helping him either…

          • Val

            For me the most intriguing thing about this is why Bey just stood there.

            • ForeverCC

              cuz solange was giving bad clues and that’s why they lost! lol

              seriously though, i think beyonce is just well aware that cameras are EVERYWHERE. her talent can be debated, but i’ve never seen a high profile celebrity have such control of marketing/image as she does.

              • Val

                Or she is just unable to act on her own without prior instructions. Lol

              • PivotTable

                “cuz solange was giving bad clues and that’s why they lost!”

                sigh. I suck at Taboo.

                • ForeverCC

                  then put on a helmet cuz you might get kicked! lol

        • SuperStrings

          Sorry, I wasn’t trying to single you out, but my laziness kept me from asking the same question to all the other people who have cosigned this.

          “Jay Z wasn’t hurt. So, I think that’s why many are able to make light of it.”
          So, if a man attacks a woman, but doesn’t hurt her, then we can all have a good laugh?

          • panamajackson

            I know where you’re going with that…some folks went there in the comments from yesterday. So here’s my question:

            We all know double standards exist. We accept them in most of our every day lives. We ALL know things would be different if it was the other way around. So why even go down that road?

            Like whats the point of calling out what we all know to be true? Is it to hold up a mirror? Are we all going to happily acknowledge our own convenient hypocrisy?

            Is this a case where men feel like we have no rights? Or we’re unfairly not allowed to be victims?

            All real questions. No sarcasm. I’m generally curious.

            • SuperStrings

              Knowing double standards exist doesn’t mean we have to accept them, no more than knowing racism exists means that we have to accept it. Ignoring the double standard passively enables it. We tell young boys that they should show restraint and not be violent toward women, yet we ridicule a real-life example. So, for all the people ridiculing Jay, the question is what would they do if they were in that same situation? An even better question is what DID they actually do when they were in that same situation?

              • panamajackson

                Thing is…are people really ridiculing Jay? I will concede that folks are not really taking Solange to task and assuming Jay did something, which…even if its not right, is likely exactly what EVERYBODY does off instinct. If anything, I feel like folks are applauding Jay’s restraint. The only people I see talking about Jay being ridiculed – and I’m not including you in that number – are folks who seem to have some agenda.

                It’s a crappy situation that almost has a no-win for anybody involved.

                And yes, accepting double standards enables them, but very few of us are really doing sh*t to combat them either. Perhaps thats my larger point. We like certain double standards.

                But larger…aside from internet memes, which are more opportunistic than real substantive ridicule, there’s no lesson that boys will see here short of, “this man managed to show restraint and the situation didn’t escalate further than it needed to.”

                • menajeanmaehightower

                  “If anything, I feel like folks are applauding Jay’s restraint. The only
                  people I see talking about Jay being ridiculed – and I’m not including
                  you in that number – are folks who seem to have some agenda.”

                  Thank you.

                • Tx10inch

                  That’s why.. .

                  • panamajackson

                    Short of being funny…what real lasting impact do memes have? Is anybody REALLY questioning or ridiculing Jay? No. They’re not.

                    • Tx10inch

                      Nope. He’s actually winning for not laying hands on her.

                • SuperStrings

                  “even if its not right, is likely exactly what EVERYBODY does off instinct.”
                  Which instinct is this?

                  “Perhaps thats my larger point. We like certain double standards.”

                  And what exactly is there to like about this particular double standard that pertains to violent male/female interactions?

                  “there’s no lesson that boys will see here short of, “this man managed to show restraint and the situation didn’t escalate further than it needed to.””

                  I would agree with this if boys were viewing or hearing about this in a vacuum, but they aren’t. They see what happened, and they see people’s reaction to what happened.

                  • panamajackson

                    What, people’s reactions that say “wow Jay showed restraint”? Like are we really suggesting that she needs to be punished in some way to show boys that girls can’t just hit boys?

                    And the instinct is that most folks immediately assume he did something to warrant that b/c why else would this chick just pop off like that. It’s possible you are a saint and wouldn’t ever be subject to pissing off a woman, its possible…but I’ve definitely seen a woman get pissed enough to want to hit a man before. And it was his fault.

                    Speaking of this vacuum they’re not hearing or seeing this in…what other context exists?? Literally EVERYthing else is speculative or people offering some ill-informed opinion. NOBODY save for those 4 folks in there have any clue what happened. So people made light of it. Because Jay is fine. She barely landed any blows. Barely. Like what message are you trying to send! Hey, if a woman raises her hand to you she shoudl be subject to the law! Chris Brown beat Rihanna’s arse…the pictures illustrated that clearly. Different ballgame. All parties here walked away unscathed.

                    I just don’t see what point you’re trying to make here regarding the reaction and what “the boys” will see and hear.

            • blackphilo

              “We accept [double standards] in most of our every day lives.”

              We do? Examples? Are people generally that free and easy about having double standards? Not being righteous in asking.

              “Like whats the point of calling out what we all know to be true?”

              One point of calling out double standards can be to try to get people to apply their alleged principles consistently. Another point can be to question whether an alleged principle is good or legitimate in the first place. Yet another point can be to challenge whether an alleged principle comes from a place of integrity as compared to mere self/group-interest or outright deceptiveness.

              • panamajackson

                Here are two quick ones:

                1. Man sleeps with as many women as possible, he’s just being a man. Woman does it, she’s a ho. Very few men are coming to the defense of women who are promiscuous, and even if they are, its highly unlikely he’s viewing her as a partner.

                2. Women expect complete and total equity in all facets of life (not that there’s anything wrong with that), but do expect men to pay for dates. Very few women are saying that they think dates should be split 50/50…and if they do, many, if not most, will look at a dude crazy if he DOESN’T pay.

                Those are just two quick ones off the top of my head.

                I’m not saying double standards are right, but they do exist and run rampant and it isn’t like everybody’s attempting to truly level the entire playing field.

                I also don’t think people recognize everything as a double standard until they’re faced with it. Now does intent or context make it any worse or better? Most are rooted in something, perhaps societal. Thing is, its hard to apply all principles consistently because so many things are situational. I don’t mind paying for dates even though I recognize that the fact that I’m expected to annoys me. I have accepted this role. Similary, I do think its crazy that I’m a man so I can run thru 100s of women and not suffer any real relationship consequences…doesn’t stop me from hearing a woman say she’s smashed 50 dudes like OMG HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE. It’s not right, but I’ve done it. That’s my point, nobody is really trying to alleviate the world from all double standards. So I find it odd that folks tend to harp on them like we don’t also benefit.

                • blackphilo

                  (1) and (2) are double standards that aren’t part of my life. Nor am I sure what the “benefit” of “running through” hundreds of partners is supposed to be.

                  But whether I or anyone else who isn’t living that way should be expected to be on a general mission to combat double standards is a different issue. Moreover, I don’t see why calling out something in a discussion is supposed to commit one to taking direct action against it. People often lie, too, but there doesn’t seem anything “odd” about “harping” on liars.

                  Anyway, I appreciate you taking the time to respond.

      • h.h.h.

        double standards will exist.
        it is what it is

        *shrugs*

    • MissRae

      *Bonus Track – These Bodyguards Can’t Hold Me Back ft Rick Ross

  • Msdebbs

    I think ESPN set it up because the timing was way too perfect. I refuse to believe a big azz company like ESPN could goof up on something like this. I could really careless what his sexual orientation is just play good and fair and win.

    • Sigma_Since 93

      But ESPN sets up in the houses of draft prospects all the time. The best one is way back in the day when Thurmond Thomas fell asleep with the cameras on him. There’s no story since if he were heterosexual, ESPN would have still been at his house.

      • Kozy

        in the 7th round? highly unlikely. since his draft stock steadily plummeted after the combine, I doubt they would have monitored a heterosexual mid-round prospect who was project to fall even later.
        That said, I’m still cool with the coverage. To act like him getting drafted at ALL isn’t a big deal is a bit naïve.

        • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

          I do recall a couple of situations in recent years where they did do that. I know Danny Woodhead was in a similar situation in terms of being a mid-round prospect who didn’t do that well in the combine. He ended up not getting drafted, but got signed by the Jets like 5 minutes after the draft. I seem to remember a few other players here and there over the years. It’s not commonplace, but not unheard of.

          • Sigma_Since 93

            Thank you. If the small college DB had gone in the 7th round (I think he went in the 5th), ESPN’s camera crew would have still stayed at his house. The look of anguish around not being drafted would have been on display with his wife rubbing his back *cues Method Man and MJB*

          • Epsilonicus

            The Ravens thrive off of undrafted players:

            Marlon Brown and Justin Tucker being recent breakouts.

        • Sigma_Since 93

          They have see Tony Rice and Tommy Frazier. The story back then was will these black qb’s that dominated in college get drafted. ESPN doesn’t know the round, they are following the story.

          • Kozy

            Fair enough. Since the draft became the better part of week’s worth of TV, I started tuning out in the later rounds. But I can vaguely recall those stories being headlines.

            • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

              Word. Anyone under 25 doesn’t realize how big a deal Black QBs in the NFL truly are. They’ve just been around for their entire lives.

        • Epsilonicus

          Remember he was an SEC DPOY though, so maybe if he was straight they still had cameras on him.

  • miss t-lee

    The “think of the children” folks are /were the funniest to me.
    You need more people.

    • http://uphereoncloud9.com/ Wu Young

      The children have smart phones. The children have seen all manner of things so I doubt that kiss shocked any children.

      • miss t-lee

        Okay?!

    • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ RubyWooWho

      Half of these parents don’t even realize their own children have been exploring their chexuality for years and probably don’t identify as heterosexual.

      • miss t-lee

        Kids know way more than we give them credit for knowing.

  • Andre

    “Of course there are some folks who took issue but those vocal numbers are becoming smaller and smaller. It’s one of those times are changing eras. You either accept it or get left behind.”

    I always wonder how many people are actually accepting rather than knowing better than to express those thoughts in a public forum and having to deal with the backlash that comes with it.

    • SuperStrings

      “I always wonder how many people are actually accepting rather than knowing better than to express those thoughts in a public forum and having to deal with the backlash that comes with it.”
      I think the fact that there’s backlash to be afraid of when there previously wasn’t is an indicator that people are more accepting.

  • RewindingtonMaximus

    I’m glad you brought up Karamo. I remember that season well enough to remember the reactions of many Black women about this dude. I heard things like “are you f -ing kidding to me” to “oh my gawwwd, that is such a waste of good d i c k”. I never knew I could roll my eyes so hard.

    If this dude was straight, and that was his girl, would we care? Hell nah. ESPN knew exactly what they were doing, and they got exactly what they want. Now pardon my behavior, because I’m a Brooklyn boy and I may take some getting used to. But this is a straight shot, no chaser: nigs need to get it together. Gay people been doing this for eons, everybody else just aint wanna look, but its always been there. It aint that serious. I don’t like seeing straight people face humping, so I don’t want it from gay people neither but love is love no matter where you look at it. It isn’t some alternate universe or nothing like that, its just the same stuff you know and love, but with somebody else who looks just like you. That’s all. No need to hurt your head on it or take a psychology course.

  • Ms TLC

    I read some POV’s on my timeline from folks that I wish I hadn’t, smh… Many seem to feel that it’s a conspiracy, which makes them seem paranoid and ignorant.