Vindication, b*tch. YOUNG MULA BABY!
You remember when we all found out that Halle Berry and Eric Benet were divorcing because he was a “sex addict”?
If you’re like most people, you called bull malarkey, tagged her as crazy since, really, who cheats on Halle Berry then claims to be a sex addict JUST to find a reason to break up unless there are some deeper issues he’s trying to run from. Well, you know, aside from Eric Benet.
*rimshot*
Well maybe Barefoot Jones really did have a problem. And maybe it’s in his genes. Not his jeans as that would be majorly en fuego.
(By the way, I’m totally aware that being a sex addict can be a real problem. However, cheating on your spouse because you’re a sex addict seems like a copout. Thank you and good night.)
According to a study done by researchers at SUNY-Binghamton, there might actually be a certain genetic disposition to infidelity and one-night stands, EVEN if you’re in a committed and loving relationship. Go figure.
“What we found was that individuals with a certain variant of the DRD4 gene were more likely to have a history of uncommitted sex, including one-night stands and acts of infidelity,” said Garcia. “The motivation seems to stem from a system of pleasure and reward, which is where the release of dopamine comes in. In cases of uncommitted sex, the risks are high, the rewards substantial and the motivation variable – all elements that ensure a dopamine ‘rush.’”
According to Garcia, these results provide some of the first biological evidence that at first glance, seems to be somewhat of a contradiction: that individuals could be looking for a serious committed long-term relationship, but have a history of one-night stands. At the same time, the data also suggests it is also reasonable that someone could be wildly in love with their partner, commit infidelity, and yet still be deeply attached and care for their partner. It all came back to a DRD4 variation in these individuals. Individual differences in the internal drive for a dopamine ‘rush’ can function independently from the drive for commitment.
Again, go figure. Let me address something here – and to be clear, I’m not saying it’s RIGHT – but I’ve always thought that it was possible to cheat on somebody, strictly for the physical release of it, and remain emotionally invested in somebody else. The decision to cheat, while driven by an emotionally impulsive thought process, is still a decision that could be avoided. Loving somebody is completely emotional. Now, I understand how folks would contend that if you really loved somebody you wouldn’t be compelled to cheat. Fair enough.
I’m just saying. It’s possible. And no I do not know from personal experience.
And now we have science to back it up. But to be fair, our friends at SUNY-Binghamton make sure to note that just because this gene may exist in your spouse doesn’t mean that they will cheat.
“The study doesn’t let transgressors off the hook,” said Garcia. “These relationships are associative, which means that not everyone with this genotype will have one-night stands or commit infidelity. Indeed, many people without this genotype still have one-night stands and commit infidelity. The study merely suggests that a much higher proportion of those with this genetic type are likely to engage in these behaviors.”
Makes sense.
Now keep in mind, I’m not going to make excuses for anybody that cheats.
Don’t cheat. Baaaaad cheater! *wagging finger*
And I definitely wouldn’t advise ANYBODY who thinks that they MIGHT have some genetic trait that predisposes them to cheating to really come home and say, “I really couldn’t help it, it’s just who I am.” This study doesn’t even state that these people are guaranteed to do it, just that they might have a higher pleasure-reward center than others. I’m not sure this is really breaking any new ground either.
But man, what if Eric Benet had used some science during his divorce proceedings to state that he didn’t cheat on Halle on purpose, he got it from his daddy?
At this point, very little is known about how genetics and neurobiology influence one’s sexuality propensities and tendencies but Garcia is hopeful that this study will add to the growing base of knowledge – in particular, how genes might predispose individuals to pursue sensation seeking across all sorts of domains – from substance use to sexuality. This study also provides further support for the notion that the biological foundations for sexual desire may often operate independently from, although absolutely linked to, deep feelings of romantic attachment.
Thoughts? Any of this surprising? Would this ever be a legit reason to you? Even if your guy or gal had science to prove they had a higher propensity to cheat, or rather engage in infidelitous activity because they “couldn’t help it”? I know the answer is a resounding no, but I had to ask. Does anybody believe this mess?
Bad science. Sit Ubu sit.
Good dog.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka 21 KOOKAROO GANGSTA aka ANYBODY SEEN CHAMP? aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3
***EDIT: If you are thinking of coming out to Tabaq tonight, could you shoot Panama an email at contact@verysmartbrothas.com? Trying to get an idea how many folks to look out for and to make sure that we do catch up with everybody unlike the Park debacle.***
P.S. If you’re in the DMV and looking for something to do this evening from 8-12, head on out to Tabaq (1336 U Street, NW) and hang with Panama Jackson for the viewing party for BET/Centric’s Master of the Mix Viewing Party hosted by Lil SoSo Productions and sponsored by Smirnoff. Smirnoff Open bar from 9-10pm. Peep the flyer below and come check the rhyme. For those on Twitter, @ reply me to let me know you’re there @panamajackson. Holla.
Also for the DMV Hip-Hop and New Jack Swing afficionados, this Saturday, December 11, at Liv Nightclub (2001 11th Street, NW), EPMD will be performing live. Real hip-hop dog. Word up. Get tickets here. And for all the old school R&B, new jack swing cats, B.B. (MOTHERF*CKING)D. will be performing at Liv on Sunday, December 19th. Doors open at 6pm. You KNOW you don’t want to miss this. Get tickets here. It’s BBD, you know good and damn well you can’t afford to miss this show. Get right, or get left. Shine On Me Productions like a big dog.
they have studies to explain everything now. I can’t say I believe them though or at least I rather you come up with a better excuse. at least let him look better or have more money…
you know…when i went to sleep and woke up at 3am, i decided the post i should have written was, “studies more men wish congress would commission” with this being number one.
That can always be tomorrow’s post and you can start with #2.
Nah, I’m not buying it. Science tries to prove a lot with these studies. Addictions seem to run in my family (which science says can be genetic), but I’m not stuck to a bottle or blowing a crack pipe.
I think your point is exactly what the researcher says at the end. The point isn’t that having the gene (or having addiction running in your family) automatically equals being a cheater. It just means that you’re more likely to be a cheater.
but maybe you COULD be. which is the point. just cuz you are predisposed doesnt mean that you will. but if you do decide to hit that pipe, gator-style, it just might be b/c you got “that gene”.
not to be confused with “that glow”.
or Walé’s insane obsession with #thatthing.
I respect what you just wrote! There’s alot that can be justified by learned behavior. Basically, if someone’s mother was a crack addict, then the child is more likely to grow up to be a crack addict. This is common sense, if I see something, I’m more likely to repeat it. When someone really gains my respect is when they go against the odds. Instead of saying “I abuse my child because my dad abused me”, they say “I don’t abuse my child because I remember the pain from when my dad abused me.” I firmly believe there are 2 types of people in this world: Followers and Leaders.
basically what differentiates us from animals as SFG alluded to, is that humans are not driven solely by instinct and urge.
we can think and chose to evolve.
just because our genes predispose us to any trait, we can chose otherwise when it comes to our actions. we can resist. we can modify our urges and also deny them through mental discipline. i am genetically predisosed to loving bread. everyone in my family loves bread. if i ate as much bread as i desire, i’d be as wide as i am tall, but i do not chose to indulge, because it would probably hurt my arteries. so i manage my bread loving interests.
LOL exactly.
@monique – “basically what differentiates us from animals as SFG alluded to, is that humans are not driven solely by instinct and urge.
we can think and chose to evolve.”
I think it is more accurate to say that as human beings we LIKE to believe what differentiates ourselves from animals is that we are not driven soley by instinct and urge. We can think and choose to evolve.
I wrote this downblog in my post, but I will repost a portion of it here:
As high as we want to believe we are on the adult/maturity, i.e. evolutionary chain of social and mental development, in the right conditions, we will all resort to the most primitive of animalistic behavior to ensure our survival.
This is the sole purpose of why laws are created and enforced, to keep people from giving in to their natural urges. Ironically, the punishment of giving in to your instincts is being locked in a steel cage or death.
I think folks have a tendancy to infuse biology and sociology into one in terms of governing behavior, and they should be kept separate or if they are to be viewed together, understand how one impacts(controls) the other.
I saw something like this on Discovery Health and it was kind of strange. To think that there is a gene to explain infidelity, but they also say there is a gene for monogamy. *shrugs*
SN: Discovery Health is going to become OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network) does that mean no more sex shows? Hmm…there is still Strange Sex on TLC. I’ll be alright.
Naw, I think Oprah likes $ex shows
cuz she ain’t getting any. i’ll bet Oprah has the biggest pr0n stash on the planet.
Who says she aint getting any? You forgot her and Gayle rub cooch.
Bwoy stop… I’m sure she’s gettin LOTS… why you think she’s always in such a good @ss mood?…
and I’m not
. (lol)… I guess it could be all the money too huh… nehhh.
My SO and I were flipping through the channels one day and stopped on TLC’s Strange Sex…I swear i had never seen so many unattractive white folk talmbout they sexual relations. I think once we saw the 70-year-old ultra-cougar chick with the 30-year-old dude, we had to take a break and head on back to ESPN.
Anybody see the one with the women that were in a permanent state of arousal. They would have to constantly masterbate only to be aroused moments later. It was a vicious cycle.
LOL, I did see this!! The lady said it was exhausting. I think she said at one point it hurt. I wasn’t really sure how to feel about it tho…
While I think these cheatin @ssed use “sex addict” as an excuse, I believe Eric Benet was one. If you’re a D-List R&B singer cheating on Halle Berry with hookers on the street, you’ve got a problem. I take that back, I don’t believe in sex addiction. That ninja’s just stupid.
Eric has said that he is not a sex addict. He says Halle’s mom, a psychiatric nurse or something, came up with that and he went along with it in an attempt to save his marriage.
Is he stupid b/c he cheated on her? Then, so is David Justice, etc. Maybe Halle is just a piece of plywood in bed. Or, maybe she picks trife men.
Or maybe they just didn’t want to be with her. Maybe nothing is wrong with either of them, they just weren’t compatible. The novelty of a person’s appearance fades over time- I don’t mean that in a bad way either- it just isn’t new anymore.
Funny, but I think he actually wanted to be with her, to the point he let her and her momma say on national TV he had a sex addiction and then let them send him to rehab.
That’s called trying to work it out.
Now, I believe a person can cheat and still want to be with their partner. He seemed genuinely torn up about it, whereas David Justice seemed as if he couldn’t run from that marriage fast enough.
“Maybe Halle is just a piece of plywood in bed. Or, maybe she picks trife men.”
When I think about she looks like she is wack in bed ( the monsters ball scene is horrible) and makes bad decisions with men.
(who got next)
I probably shouldn’t have used trife to describe the men she picked. But it does seem she has a liking for the type of man that gets more cooch thrown at him than he can handle in a lifetime: Baseball players, R&B singers, etc. And it’s not a given that that type of man will cheat but, as Chris Rock said, if the cooch chases them, they can’t run that fast.
yeah im with you, i don’t think he’s stupid for cheating on her. perhaps it was a bad decision, or maybe he just sucks. stupid would imply that dude felt some severe fallout b/c of it.
funny sh*t is, most of us just assume its Halle’s fault. guess he came out alright after all.
Can’t wait to hear this study shot down by the VSS’s. I’m always amazed by the lack of belief in human nature when it comes to this. Bottom line, your p*ssy will not keep him out of the streets (where have I heard this before?). Commitment is a choice that he has to make. Romantic love is merely a chemical reaction. It comes and goes.
The problem is not really with the study. The study doesn’t really say anything. It just says that people with this gene have a higher incidence of this, but again that doesn’t mean that this specifically causes infidelity. So, most people don’t really have a problem with the study per se, but the leaps that people make when reading these kinds of things. Ya dig?
So, the study is legitimate, but some people’s arguments might not be. I’ve seen people take some numbers published by a University to explain a whole bunch of ish that the scientist themselves wouldn’t even agree with. So people must be wary of the interpretations of the study.
“So, the study is legitimate, but some people’s arguments might not be”
This is the same thing I said.
I really believe these scientists are talking about a gene that could lead to many risky behaviors, $ex just being one of them. I wouldn’t be surprised is they applied it to to sky divers, repeat offenders, police officers, etc.
You’re right. Variants of this gene are also linked to predisposition to other novelty seeking behaviors and eating disorders.
“Can’t wait to hear this study shot down by the VSS’s. I’m always amazed by the lack of belief in human nature when it comes to this. Bottom line, your p*ssy will not keep him out of the streets (where have I heard this before?). Commitment is a choice that he has to make. Romantic love is merely a chemical reaction. It comes and goes.”
“I’m not saying it’s RIGHT, but I’ve always thought that it was totally possible to cheat on somebody, strictly for the physical release of it, and actually be emotionally invested in somebody else. The decision to cheat, while driven by a perhaps emotionally impulsive thought process, is still a decision that could be circumvented. Loving somebody is completely emotional. Now, I understand how folks would contend that if you really loved somebody you wouldn’t be compelled to cheat. Fair enough.”
I always like to start any discussion that I have on cheating with the following definition that a brilliant sista who also happens to be a good friend came up with…
“Cheating is giving one or more people the false impression of monogamy, whether directly stated, implied, or not refuted, when you know that is what they want.”
(Yeah that’s a repeat from the cheating man post from a few days ago.)
Ergo you can’t cheat if BOTH partners agree to being non-monogamous regardless of the relationship.
This isn’t about love or emotion… this is about the actions a person takes during their screening process aka courting.
If cheating is a option for you… I don’t really care if the reasons are genetic or wanting to be able to check doin’ somebody who can headstand booty clap from your bucket list
The person needs to be honest that is out there… and find a partner(s) who are down.
Mo’Nique has said that infidelity will not break her marriage… and when she made that statement a whole lotta sistas were down…
And with all the understanding brothas out there who don’t cheat but could get why it might happen I’m sure they are ready to put a non exclusivity selection on the menu
So the mission should it be accepted is to find that the one who won’t mind and get with them.
So what’s the problem.
The problem is that most of the time folks want the benefit of monogamy but understanding if they exercise a cheating option…
That is the part that is unreasonable… monogamous people want monogamy.
The truth is that people who engage in this behavior want what they want when they want it… and if they have to deceive to have the best of both worlds they will.
And that is the problem with cheating. ~JS
Love and agree with this whole comment…
HELLO… cause the studying ain’t say nothing about lying… #message
oops *study
*votes Jhane S for Governor
“I’m not saying it’s RIGHT, but I’ve always thought that it was totally possible to cheat on somebody, strictly for the physical release of it, and actually be emotionally invested in somebody else. The decision to cheat, while driven by a perhaps emotionally impulsive thought process, is still a decision that could be circumvented. Loving somebody is completely emotional. Now, I understand how folks would contend that if you really loved somebody you wouldn’t be compelled to cheat. Fair enough.”
“Can’t wait to hear this study shot down by the VSS’s. I’m always amazed by the lack of belief in human nature when it comes to this. Bottom line, your p*ssy will not keep him out of the streets (where have I heard this before?). Commitment is a choice that he has to make. Romantic love is merely a chemical reaction. It comes and goes”
@Panama and Betamale…
I always like to start any discussion that I have on cheating with the following definition that a brilliant sista who also happens to be a good friend came up with…
“Cheating is giving one or more people the false impression of monogamy, whether directly stated, implied, or not refuted, when you know that is what they want.”
(Yeah that’s a repeat from the cheating man post from a few days ago.)
Ergo you can’t cheat if BOTH partners agree to being non-monogamous regardless of the relationship.
This isn’t about love or emotion… this is about the actions a person takes during their screening process aka courting.
If cheating is a option for you… I don’t really care if the reasons are genetic or wanting to be able to check doin’ somebody who can headstand booty clap from your bucket list
The person needs to be honest that is out there… and find a partner(s) who are down.
Mo’Nique has said that infidelity will not break her marriage… and when she made that statement a whole lotta sistas were down…
And with all the understanding brothas out there who don’t cheat but could get why it might happen I’m sure they are ready to put a non exclusivity selection on the menu
So the mission should it be accepted is to find that the one who won’t mind and get with them.
So what’s the problem.
The problem is that most of the time folks want the benefit of monogamy but understanding if they exercise a cheating option…
That is the part that is unreasonable… monogamous people want monogamy.
The truth is that people who engage in this behavior want what they want when they want it… and if they have to deceive to have the best of both worlds they will.
And that is the problem with cheating. ~JS
Beta,
I agree that commitment is an informed choice, but by diving into a commitment without letting the other person know you have a considerable wandering eye is taking away their informed choice. That’s not only hurtful, but a total lack of respect, and that’s where my tip-toe with nature ends. Do animals deceive? Sure they do, everything does so, albeit either briefly or for essentials. Last I checked, men had more p*ssy than they knew what to do with these days so I doubt that’s an essential.
What I’m trying to say is, it’s not the cheating exactly that I have an issue with; we’re animals after all and sometimes these things happen. What I do have an issue with is the things that come with cheating, such as lying, secrecy and ultimately a break down of trust and respect between two people who supposedly love each other. I think love is a choice, as well as commitment, and if you chose to love someone and commit to them, you can chose to keep it in your pants just as easily.
@ Tes,
I agree with everything you wrote. lt is reasonable and the way that many people(both genders) would like to conduct themselves. Unfortunately, whoremoans sometimes take over and people make mistakes.
what is a whoremoan?
*i regret asking already.
Wh0remoan = hormone.
Of course there is a subliminal message wrapped in the way I chose to spell it. You know how I do. Don’t get too upset about it though. It was directed at both genders.
lol… that’s kinda cute.
Beta,
I’m an idealist, and I acknowledge people make mistakes. However, if it’s a system of mistakes with the same MO that’s not a mistake, that’s a pattern and at such time something needs to be addressed, or somebody’s gettin shot/stabbed/otherwise maimed. Least thats how we do it in the south.
Again, I agree with your comments. I DO NOT condone cheating. I hope you didn’t get that impression. I am trying to give an explanation for why it sometimes occurs.
You know we cool Beta
I get you.
@Tes – so you really think anybody would enter into a relationship with somebody and say, “yo, i’ve had this cheating problem in the past…i’m gonna try to curb it with you, but i can’t make any promises”
that’s not realistic at all. i get your “taking away their informed choice” argument but you really could say that about anything. maybe you have a history of depression in your family. well i dont want to date anybody who could be prone to depression. doubt it’s going to come up at all until way down the road.
now i agree with the rest of your comment. cheating is definitely about deceit. but i dont know its deceit if you don’t tell anybody you’ve cheated before. i’m guessing that when anybody decides to get into a committed relationship, they are assuming that they won’t do it anyway. i doubt most folks go into relationships PLANNING to cheat. i could be wrong. and i’m sure somebody more well versed in the wandering wang or community coochie could provide more insight.
PJ,
I’m not saying on the first date over cocktails you say “So yeah, the last 13 girls I’ve dated I’ve cheated on. Pass the A1?” No. I’m saying before feelings develop in a major way, before she’s telling her mama and her sisters about you, you need to sit her down and tell her about your relationship past. Who knows? She may sympathetic to some of the stories you have to tell, and that would make it easier to not pretty boy dip your wang into anything walking.
It’s more of a consideration thing I think; If you’d want someone to tell you beforehand, you should tell them beforehand.
@Tess…
While you were posting this… I was writing almost the same thing.. so I am so with you on this one ~JS
Cosign! I didn’t think you meant on the first date either. We should divuldge important things over time when the timing is right. Just like if someone has Herpes, we would want to know before we have s.ex with that person. This is the same thing.
<i"Just like if someone has Herpes, we would want to know before we have s.ex with that person"
Is herpes the new AIDS? lol!
Everyone is afraid of herpes, but AIDS? Nah. AIDS is so 80′s.
Nevermind if someone got AIDS, so long as they aint got that herpes.
AIDS is a myth. lol!
Whaaa? When did I say I wasn’t afraid of HIV or AIDS? Baby, please. Have you missed my numerous comments urging people to get tested for HIV? Woweee
I know people talk about herpes alot, that’s because it’s more common.
I don’t think there is a person unafraid of any s.exually transmitted disease.
And when did I become your baby?
I’m aware that everyone is very mindful of HIV/AIDS.
However, I’ve come to observe on this blog that there appears to be more fear surrounding herpes than HIV(see any previous post), despite the latter being the one that will actually kill you.
Its not that serious, I was just making an observation because I thought that was pretty funny.
Since you replied to me, I thought you were talking to me…and since I have hyped up hiv much more than herpes, I had to correct you.
As for others…I agree. One is not related to the other. People get uncomfortable talking about Aids.
When I said “baby”, I was patronizing you in a condescending tone…cause you like that sort of thing.
Bump that… lies…
Then everyone would be able to attest to cheating as a habit. No… Everyone isn’t Tiger Woods or Eric Benet. Dude cheated (or will) because of what you to share (or don’t). It’ll be due to his selfishness or inconsideration or lack of respect etc… C’mon. Let his choice be his choice. Unless it is a disorder, you can’t judge a person’s likelihood to cheat in their current relationship based upon their past relationships.
You can’t say how a person will be in each relationship, but you can gauge. It’s not accurate because you never know what goes on between two people in a relationship; even if you’re dating him you still only get his side of the story. But even still, if the last 5 stories in his past involve him cheating there should be a red flag there that no, ninja, it’s not them, it’s you, and it ain’t gonna be me next.
Don’t judge…but don’t be naive either.
“that’s not realistic at all. i get your “taking away their informed choice” argument but you really could say that about anything. maybe you have a history of depression in your family. well i dont want to date anybody who could be prone to depression. doubt it’s going to come up at all until way down the road.”
I have made the same argument as Tess about having the ability to make an informed choice.
I think that the same level of “game” that a brotha uses when he gets caught is the same he can use to spin getting someone to take a chance… at least they will know what they are getting into.
Look if you have cheating as an issue you are also practiced at the art of deception… so why not use all that charm energy toward spinning an honest tale.
There are loads of folks who value being in a relationship more than they do monogamy
As someone said down thread… if a person is doing 80% + of what they need in a relationship but they like a little strange if the opportunity presents its self there are people who will say okay…
So what I hear when folks say that level of honesty isn’t realistic, is that part of it must be the drama of lying… an acknowledgment that the dipping out is no fun if they have permission.
To your example dudes often state they love crazy chicks and there are dudes who have hero complexes and helping someone through a difficult time is the way they bond… not to be glib but that is a perfect match for chicks with depression.
I’m not saying put all your cards on the table at the first casual coffee meet up… but before you get naked you should have a discussion on your personal philosophy on cheating.
I don’t understand why it’s unrealistic to expect honesty when asked the direct question… we negotiate things as they relate to sex and relationships all the time.
Dudes won’t pay for dinner til they get some azz… chicks won’t sleep with guys until X number of dates
I mean people dipping have told folks that they have a situation or they have a ring on and still get people to sleep with them
So why not find someone who will understand out the gate…
Everyone knows deception hurts and cheating hurts so why would you put yourself and someone else through all that potential pain when you can make a different choice in mate.
Unless on some level your goal is to hurt ~JS
“Unless on some level your goal is to hurt”
I don’t think many people realize how this can be in someone’s subconcious and drive people to do alot of what they do. Most everyone experiences hurt in life…whether it be in childhood or adulthood. This can and will affect how we deal with others post hurt. Some people act out in relationships. Great father, fabulous friend but for someone reason all women must pay for what his mother did to him. This is more common than we think and often times the person isn’t even aware they are trying to hurt others because they were hurt. Cheating is a PERFECT example of this. I’ve seen a woman sabotage a perfectly good relationship by cheating because she was afraid of the real love they had. Like she didn’t deserve it or want him to love her. It does happen. Oh and cosign all of what you said. I always agree with you.
Such great points all over this one – JS, Tes & SFG!
Eh, sounds possible. But I’m wary of dudes using this as an excuse to explain cheating. Genes just give us a set of possibilities, they don’t define us.
I think sex addiction is a fascinating topic and I wonder if there are more genes or mutations or whatever that make someone more likely to be an addict. Plus, are men or women more likely to be addicted? Are there purely monogamous sex addicts?
Genes just give us a set of possibilities, they don’t define us
THIS.
Well, just like with any other predisposition, you gotta avoid situations where you could make a mistake. Someone with a predisposition to alcohol probably shouldn’t be a bartender, and someone with a predisposition for cheating on their spouse should work from home. And not leave the house unattended.
Crystal Marie
Http://www.Awordorthree.com
i do believe there is such thing as sex addiction… if someone can be addicted to drugs, alcohol, gambling & adrenaline why not sex… in my book sex trumps all of those (maybe not drugs-but what do i know) any day… just as there is a predisposition to other addictive personalities there is probably a predisposition to sex addiction as well… no i don’t think this is an excuse to run and do the horizontal hoe-down with everyone you meet because addictions can be put into recovery. but maybe just maybe until these addicted persons learn how to deal with said addiction they are running around crotch first… i dunno after all my years of schooling and exposure i’ve learned that the human psyche is a twisted, deep & practically unfathomable place… who is to say what others feel? what pulls them? sometimes when i see people make bad decisions along the same vein over and over again i wonder if there is something wrong with them… and maybe there is… all this to say monogamy, fidelity, commitment et al is a choice, regardless of your mental, physical and psychosocial health. Addiction can be put in check but the person has to want to control the addiction and not let the addiction control them…
I know a few people actually diagnosed with it..but the current feeling isn’t that it’s genetic. All of those guys (that I know) had been sexually abused (and other abuse) and exposed to inappropriate sexual contact or material at a very young age. The doctors call it ‘early sexualization’ . It stops their emotional development at that point (the first moment of exposure- age 4, or 5 or 8 or 12 or whatever).
Therefore a lot of them have problems with impulse control etc, they say it changes your brain chemistry and your ability to reason even when you know something is wrong and bad for you and will hurt you and others.
A lot develop addictions to pornorgraphy, sex, with whoever, ehenever, however. They have deep shame about it on the inside and try to hide their behaviors by acting ‘normal’. Some of them are the most charming and fun people you will ever meet. They have to be in order to hide what they are doing etc.
They almost never have a succesful relationship and when they are in one. They lie constantly, are secretive, have temper tantrums, pick fights in order to get to go off and do what they want to etc.
When they do go into treatment it’s a twelve step program because it’s an addiction. They also have to have a sponsor and private counseling as much as 5 times a week for some. It’s a lifetime process for some and many just learn the counseling jargon at first so they can pretend they are getting better in order to go deep cover with the addiction.
There are tons of books and stuff out there about it..its a big problem, and most of the treatment is faith based because that is the only way it seems the treatment can ever be successful with this addiction)
Yes..I know quite a few people (I can’t say how- I just know)
FYI- I wouldn’t trust anybody with this kind of addiction, even if they are in recovery.
@GK
i also know quite a few people (including my own father) struggling with sexual “issues” both as a result of early sexualization and what may be deemed spontaneous development. as i said before this is not an excuse but can be one of the reasons and provide insight into some people’s behavior. i do think there may be genetic markers though, there are genetic markers for almost everything. maybe its just like other mental illnesses ocd, conduct disorder, antisocial disorder, etc once the trigger occurs it is ON…
as for trust… maybe even with treatment monogamy may not be for them but then again monogamy is not for everyone… sometimes i sit down and just wish that people that would click with other people should just meet…
i.e.
1-men that like to control and keep tabs on their women will get with women that are ultra submissive, possessive and want their man up under them all the time
2-people that don’t believe in monogamy meet and fall in love with others that feel the same
3-people that don’t care about money, looks, material things meet and fall in love with the same
but it seems like people are always meeting the opposite and trying to change them with none or little success at that…
“sometimes i sit down and just wish that people that would click with other people should just meet…”
I think you will find that many of these people don’t want to be with someone like themselves at all…..
(they kinda know deep down that They actually care about those things they claim they dont care about…
Awww, suki! EPMD is back together? Get that change Erick and Parish (making dollars)!
I saw BBD, so I can check them off the list
“Thoughts? Any of this surprising? Would this ever be a legit reason to you?… Does anybody believe this mess?”
Thoughts?: *shrug* Meh. It is NOT a legit reason no more than anyone elses genetic predisposition is a valid excuse for them to do effed up stuff. They need more people and umm, more research.
What are the parameters of this research/experiment? What did they use to measure a propensity to cheat or the rush? Isn’t that just evident of some people’s desire to cheat anyway?
Is it possible that it isn’t genetic but an enzyme, an imbalance, or that the gene only appears or lays dormant UNTIL the mind decides to cheat? The desire is the catalyst, not a hidden “gamma ray” in your cells (Hulk reference). Did these folks just measure the body’s chemical reaction that an unremorseful cheater might have if they cheat?
How can you measure that unless you gather cheaters? How is one comparing that to a non-cheater? Aren’t your study samples tainted by virtue of who you were able to “round up”? Who the eff signed up to be a part of a research study documenting them doing creepin’ (yes, old slang)?
No, I’m not buying it.
I don’t think this post is connected to sex addiction or is the same as sex addiction. I don’t think of this like autism, for example, and that depending of how it manifests can be stronger or mild and where the quality of one’s life is effected by whether one gets treatment or is diagnosed early. I don’t see sex addition and a “cheating gene” (which this report didn’t convince me of) as the same thing at all. I think sexual addiction is mental or emotional issues manifesting itself in physical acts that make the person feel empty, out of control, etc.. Is the chance of such a thing being linked to a physical root possible? Yes. Do I think by this report that is what this is? No. Like I said, they need more people and more research before I buy it.
What does your personal anecdotal evidence suggest? Have you ever heard anyone say that they love their S/O and back that up by being a great mate in every area except fidelity? My guess is that you have.
@Betamale,
You would guess wrong.
@Betamale,
^When I initially stated “you would guess wrong” (sorry, if that read harsh) I thought you meant from my “personal anecdotal evidence” emphasis on the PERSONAL. I never personally experienced that, but I realized you possibly meant if I knew of that from other people I interact with. Well, this is why I don’t buy into that either. Why be in a committed monogamous relationship if you want to cheat? One can be poly-amorous relationship. One can date. One can also know and speak up if they want to step outside the relationship. Like I said prior: “Is the chance of such a thing being linked to a physical root possible? Yes. Do I think by this report that is what this is? No.” Where is the integrity gene, the love gene, the trust gene, the decency gene, the safety gene, that comes into play when faced with making a moral decision to cheat or betray the trust of someone you love? If there is a “cheat gene” then those other genes should be researched and should exist as well. Plus isn’t this a slippery slope? For example, I think pedophilia is one of the most vile and monstrous crimes against anyone. Yet, if research finds or if someone argues that these humans have a “gene” that gives one a propensity to commit such abhorrent acts, that does NOT excuse the crime. I’ll even give a less extreme example. I have friends who are on meds to maintain their mental health. Yet, they have ownership of their treatment and it is up to them to notice if the meds are not working, if there are some poor side effects, if they need to schedule a therapy session, if they are not eating correctly or getting enough sleep that may contribute to a down turn. They WANT to be well and take the steps to maintain wellness. They know to ask for help and to seek out things to prevent a relapse. So as of right now, my position stands.
No harm, no foul. Merry Christmas
I had the SAME exact questions. Who are these people? What other enzymes or hormones did they find in these people? And how will others know they have the gene unless they get tested…and who would actually use that as an excuse to get a cheating pass…SO this really is all irrelevant. No one will buy it so why are they selling it. This better not be funded with my tax dollars.
Wow, this is pretty interesting. And yeah, it does make sense, since (well, dag nabbit, look how I used these homophones right next to each other) sex isn’t solely an emotional thing. It’s a very human and biological thing as well. Which is why (along with watching Dr. Drew’s Celeb Rehab shows) I believe sex addiction to be a legit problem. Sure people use it as an excuse and will probably be using this study as one as well, but just because folks abuse it doesn’t mean it ain’t real. Folks have been blaming EVERYTHING — from copping an inappropriate feel to allowing Flava Flav to touch them with his eyes, let along his hands — on the alcohol thanks to Jamie Foxx. Obviously, alcohol isn’t the culprit for airthang. Does that discount alcoholism as a real deal addiction, though? You bet your bottom debit card dollar it doesn’t. Same thing applies here, IMO.
RIP Elizabeth Edwards, I guess John Kerry had/has a cheating gene?!?!, that MUTHA(^*&% anywhooo
–idk I think Halle Berry Ms Berrray has “pretty girl problems/crazy gene” or am I stereotyping her as one of the “stuck up light skin/mixed chicks/pageant girls” with idenity issues.. I think Eric Benet was bein’ a douche, then again, maybe Eric was thinking with his weewee, or maybe Halle’s personality was jacked up/pushed him away , which resulted in some cheaitn’ goin on?? Idk how it would feel to be married to an actor and watch them partake in sex scenes/ nudity without no stunt double…he may have been like WTH You gon’ screw Billy Bob Thornton,….and said Deuces..
—>Dr. Drew’s Celeb Rehab is my guilty pleasure and kinda funny (lawd forgive me)…Keyshia cole’s bio mom Frankie, didn’t seem that crazy, she was just the only ninja in the house, (ie. Dave’ Chappelle’s Black Real World, only one 2520 in the house lmbo)
ANYWHOO
.
@90sgagirl,
I know you meant to say John Edwards
Poor John Kerry…The swift boat vets and now this, lol!
“Idk how it would feel to be married to an actor and watch them partake in sex scenes/ nudity without no stunt double…he may have been like WTH You gon’ screw Billy Bob Thornton,….and said Deuces..”
^You defintiely have a point. She revealed the bitties in Swordfish, kissed Fred Durst in a daggone music video, let Adrien Brody slob her down during an awards show without pushing him off her. I’m not saying that justifies any cheating what so ever, but in terms of certain men and certain egos and one’s possible personal ideals of masculinity, it wasn’t a good look.
Come on now – did you see that kiss?? Halle did NOT invite that. He did it so fast the only thing she could have done was duck real fast to escape it (& maybe have had the sides of her head greazed since he grabbed & held her head), LOL! Give her a break on that one
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4kzceTpmAY
^I hear ya. Folks can judge for themselves. I still think if the roles were reversed, and a girlfriend was sitting in the audience watching her man do that and see him wrap his arms around the girl…she might be a little salty.
alcohol might not be the culprit for everything, but like Fab said “it works every time, patron, you my n*gga”.
Good points Cheeks… I think if you got issues like alcoholism, sex addiction and such that it all boils down to honesty with the people you bring into your life… that’s where it gets sticky (pun intended)