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making love in the club: 13 tips on how to act when you’re out

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in the past couple months, the champ has gone out a couple times to  examine common clubbing behaviors and innocently grind on tipsy grad school asses. what he found surprised, shocked, aroused, and amazed him,  especially the vast number of faux pas he witnessed every night

with this in mind, the champ has decided to provide you all with 13 tips on how to act when you’re out.

he’s not saying that you have to follow these to a t, but it would be wise to listen if you want to get into heaven.

1. yes, ladies. regardless of how aggressively uncute or swaggerless the guy might be, if he offers to buy a drink and you accept, you do owe him at least 90 seconds of conversation…unless, of course, he begins the convo by saying “this martini is dry, isn’t it? you know what i bet is the exact opposite? your pu**y”.

2. fellas, remember, female bartenders are like strippers. she’s nice to you because she wants a bigger tip…just not the tip you have in mind

3. if a woman is dancing while any of the following music is playing…

any dancehall reggae or soca

any bass music

any rap produced by any of the following people: lil john, mannie fresh, luke, swiss beats, scott storch, dr. dre, or just blaze

any song that could very easily be found on one of your college boning mixtapes

…the its perfectly ok to assume that she wants you to step behind her, and start grinding like you’re the pepper boy and her name is mashed potatoes to dance

ladies, if any of these songs come on and you just want to dance with your girls, sit your prissy asses at the bar and grind on the stools

4. fellas, if you ask a woman to dance/for a number/to buy her a drink and she declines, dont ask again, don’t ask why, and definitely don’t just stand behind her and wait for the song change to hopefully change her mind. find someone else, you f*cking lame.

5. fair or not, you will be judged on your attire, your demeanor, the mean, median, and mode attractiveness of your crew, how attractive you are in comparison to everyone else there, your drink of choice, and your walk…and each detail factors into your own personal baggability

if you can’t reconcile yourself with these facts then stay the f*ck home.

6. “hi” and its myriad forms (“hey”, “whats up?”, “hello”, etc) is still the most reliable pick-up line, and her first response to the initial “hi” is still the most reliable way of gauging sincere interest

7. ladies, if you’re in a relationship, make sure to reveal that little tidbit in the first 3.5 to 7 seconds of conversation. waiting longer than ten seconds to drop the bf bomb officially makes you an asshole.

8. everyone gets one “i’ve had waaaaaaaaaay too much to drink, and, if my crew doesn’t step in i’m probably going to end the night either in jail or with an std” mulligan per every 9 months. just one. after this, your crew doesn’t have any more babysitting obligations

9. unless a titty pops out, fighting isn’t sexy under any circumstances

10. fellas, its probably not a good idea to be noticeably hard before you even dance with the chick.

getting noticeably hard during your personal grind session? well, like sexual harassment, their reaction will basically depend on how attractive you are

11. ladies, if you want to get approached, separate and smile and they’ll eventually come unless you look like prop joe. its really that easy.

12. fellas, if you’re old enough to get into the club, you’re old enough to know by now that women are nucking futs lemmings. since you possess this knowledge, you should also be aware of the fact that if one member of a crew shoots you down, it decreases your chances of bagging someone else from that crew by 90%.

13. if approaching a group (three or more) of women to offer drinks, you must either only buy a drink for the one you’re specifically interested in, or the entire crew. no inbetweens

this…

bartender, get these three right here whatever they want, and the other one, ummm, hmmmm. do you have any free corn chips or anything for her?

…isn’t cool. funny, but uncool.

i know i’m missing a ton. good people of vsb.com, would you mind helping a smart brotha out? what else should be on the list?

—the champ

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • http://stickwithyocat.blogspot.com/ iloVEGrits

    “3. it is perfectly okay to just go behind a woman and start grinding if any of the following music is playing:

    any dancehall reggae or soca”

    NO. NO. NO. As a person who goes to listen to lots of live and spun reggae and soca, I do NOT approve this message.

    Dancing on my booty when not invited to do so will get a ninja stabbed.

    “ladies, if you want to get approached, separate and smile and they’ll eventually come unless you look like prop joe. its really that easy.”

    So true. If you add in the ‘stare, look away, stare and mutter a barely audible ‘damn” technique…you WILL pull him. This method is fail proof.

    • RedBeanzNRice

      @iloVEGrits,

      “Dancing on my booty when not invited to do so will get a ninja stabbed.”

      Now THAT sounds like a T-shirt!

      • http://blackwomanlost.blogspot.com Naturally Alise

        @RedBeanzNRice, Sounds like a mantra too…

    • shay_d_lady

      @iloVEGrits, “3. it is perfectly okay to just go behind a woman and start grinding if any of the following music is playing:

      any dancehall reggae or soca”

      exactly…I dont give a dayum what music is on..

      • i’m overit, BOO

        @shay_d_lady, ok! its like that one time you were @ a club in memphis, and Usher’s “Yeah” came on, and that rhino looking dude with the mike tyson tattoo came up behind you singing the whisper song….right?? lol. tell me a story!

        • http://stickwithyocat.blogspot.com/ iloVEGrits

          @i’m overit, BOO,

          Lmao. Sat down.

        • Gem in the Bean

          @i’m overit, BOO,

          lmao @ your moniker. love it, sweetheart!!

    • JamaicanGirl

      @iloVEGrits, “3. it is perfectly okay to just go behind a woman and start grinding if any of the following music is playing:

      any dancehall reggae or soca”

      The hell it is…..Unless you ask me to dance and or your standing behind me when my fave dancehall song is playing and i start to back it up on you, it is not okay.

      • http://www.babsinblogland.com Babs

        @JamaicanGirl,

        I agree completely! Uninvited “D” on my backside is disgusting!

        • http://www.singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Nicki Sunshine

          @Babs, Uninvited “D” on my backside always throws my rhythm off. lol.

          • V Renee

            @Nicki Sunshine,

            Me too!

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @Babs,

          “Uninvited “D” on my backside is disgusting!”

          as opposed to uninvited d somewhere else?

        • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

          @Babs,

          And it offends my sense & sensibilities

          • 8th Wonder

            Now you know you ain’t got none of EITHER of those things anyway.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @iloVEGrits,

      “Dancing on my booty when not invited to do so will get a ninja stabbed.”

      lol at the image of a 3 foot tall guy literally dancing on top of a giant booty and ducking slash attempts. i think i need some toast

      • Peysonic Temple #69

        @The Champ, I pictured the same thing. Just with an actual ninja doin karate and sh!t

        • http://www.myspace.com/thagrindaholic BLUNTBLAZER

          @Peysonic Temple #69,

          LMBAO hell yeah bobbin and weaving and grindin all while duckin various stabb attempts

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @iloVEGrits, Dancing on my booty when not invited to do so will get a ninja stabbed.

      um…did you mean for this to be a pun??

      cuz, stabbage is kinda the point.

      • Suga

        @Panama Jackson,

        HE wants to get “stabbed”….I confused.

  • RedBeanzNRice

    Champ yer gettin’ sloppy. It’s Swizz Beatz, not Swiss Beats, Cupcake. That’s 2 nights in a row that somebody “corrected” you.

    Yeah, I know…sloppy deez.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @RedBeanzNRice,

      swizz deez

      • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

        @The Champ,

        HA! Coming w/ the unexpected DEEZ. Kudos

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @Luvvie,

          “Coming w/ the unexpected DEEZ”

          this was my personal tag line from 1999 to 2003

      • RedBeanzNRice

        @The Champ,

        Ahahaha – ya got me. Didn’t even see that one coming! :)

  • http://blackwomanlost.blogspot.com Naturally Alise

    Do not try to talk TOO much in the club. Ya know it is is loud being they generally play music in these clubs and sh*t which makes for a lot of HUH’s and WHAAAAA?’s …. keep it short exchange the numbers and keep it moving…

    • http://www.twitter.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist

      @Naturally Alise,

      oooh yes and after exchanging numbers or buying me a drink, dont lurk or linger. It makes you look stalkeresque. that is the quick way to not get your call answered

      • http://stickwithyocat.blogspot.com/ iloVEGrits

        @Intellectual Hedonist,

        Men need to learn that more is less.
        So many who had a shot inevitably do something to mess it up and then they get tagged as “Danger” in the celly.

        Exchange numbers, walk off, maybe glance my way and smile a few times.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @iloVEGrits,

          maybe glance my way and smile a few times.

          lol, this sounds creepy as hell

    • http://www.singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Nicki Sunshine

      @Naturally Alise, And don’t walk around on your phone in the CLUB. Don’t call me. lol. Send me a text to see if I’m in there.

      • Me fail english?

        @Nicki Sunshine,

        LMAO! I got caught giving out a wrong number like two fridays ago. He was one of those “never say die” types that didn’t even care that I had a man. He wanted a number so I gave him one. He called it. It called him back…while I was standing by him with my hands NOWHERE NEAR my phone. Then e asked “what’s wrong with this picture?” I hesitated, and then said “YOU!” and walked away. I left the club ten minutes after that.

        • http://www.singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Nicki Sunshine

          @Me fail english?, U have KILT ME at 9:59 am. DOA

          That is the funniest recount EVER.

        • V Renee

          @Me fail english?,

          OMGoodness. That’s hilariuos.

          “Now you’ve officially been chopped and screwed”

        • Peysonic Temple #69

          @Me fail english?,

          I nominated you for the shay_d_lady ridiculous story award

          • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

            @Peysonic Temple #69,

            “shay_d_lady ridiculous story award”

            YES and YES. Glad to hear its being named after her.

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=73903598 Dom

          @Me fail english?,

          Damn. Thats harsh!

        • http://blackwomanlost.blogspot.com Naturally Alise

          @Me fail english?,

          Every time I have given the wrong number it has never turned out good. The person will either call the phone right then or I swear I’ll run into the same bamma at the grocery store or some sh*t the following week…. So now I just ask for their number or have even been known to say that I have no phone (even if the phone is in my hand, lol)…

          • Me fail english?

            @Naturally Alise,

            LMAO. I dont know why I won’t learn cuz it very RARELY ends well. One time some Wendy’s worker ran out in the middle of cleaning McNuggets (or whatever it is they do at nite) and asked for my #. After refusing to take no for an answer, I told him he could have the number if he gave me and my friend food. I gave him a number and took the food. This fool had the nerve to call it as I walked away! He chased me down the street and snatched the food! It’s all my girlfriends fault. If she woulda wore some boots that fit we coulda booked on his ass!

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

              @Me fail english?,

              After refusing to take no for an answer, I told him he could have the number if he gave me and my friend food. I gave him a number and took the food. This fool had the nerve to call it as I walked away! He chased me down the street and snatched the food!

              sounds like an episode of “when keeping it real goes wrong”

            • Me fail english?

              @The Champ,

              I’m lucky to have made it out alive. The Hatians are an aggressive, war-like people. You should see them on Labor Day!

              J/K (maybe…)

            • Intellectual Hedonist

              @Me fail english?

              “Hatians are an aggressive, war-like people” one of my closest sorority sis is HAITIAN, she is all of 5 foot 1 and 100 lbs soaking wet and she definitely fits this description. We call her the WHOREMASTER… she will whore you out in a minute, get you to do things against your constitution and ish… SMH!!!!
              LMMFAO

          • http://stuffghettopeoplelike.wordpress.com Stuff Ghetto People Like

            @Naturally Alise,
            Why does “nah, I’m good” not count as an option?

            UPDATE: n/m, just read the Haitian story.

            Maybe “got a boyfriend” is an alternative in those situations…

        • http://presidentialtelevisionandfilm.ning.com Monk

          @Me fail english?,

          Any chick that is STILL giving out wrong numbers need to really (wo)man up. There’s no call for that in 2009.

  • http://www.twitter.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist

    Im BACK!!!!! yes indeed Im back wooho at least for the next two months, im on parole and ish…

    #7
    men need to do that ish too.. don’t let me waste my eye lash batting and hair twirling on you and you got a girl, tell me up front so I can flirt with your friend

    • http://stickwithyocat.blogspot.com/ iloVEGrits

      @Intellectual Hedonist,

      I am so agreeing with you!

    • i’m overit, BOO

      @Intellectual Hedonist, cotdamnit welcome!

      • Intellectual Hedonist

        @i’m overit, BOO, gracias

    • Miss Patterson

      @Intellectual Hedonist, yay! my etwin is back! we got some catching up to do. ok, now what is this recycled post about? and if you say ‘recycle deez’, i will give you a roundhouse kick in your ‘deez’ at the vsb bbq.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @Miss Patterson,

        “ok, now what is this recycled post about?”

        ummm, the correct term is “enhanced”

    • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

      @Intellectual Hedonist,

      Welcome back, IH!!!

      • http://www.twitter.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist

        @Luvvie, thx Luvvie

    • http://www.myspace.com/wudaman19 WuDaMan

      @Intellectual Hedonist,

      wecome back n sh*t

      • http://www.twitter.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist

        @WuDaMan, Wu Wu!!!!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Intellectual Hedonist,

      Im BACK!!!!!

      you left?

      • http://graywords1000@yahoo.com Dorian G.

        @The Champ,

        LOL

      • Intellectual Hedonist

        @The Champ, wait till I come to the burgh you will feel my wrath, and your little white fur kitchen rug will too… LOL

        IDK what that was all about

    • Ms. T

      @Intellectual Hedonist,

      I agree!

    • RedBeanzNRice

      @Intellectual Hedonist,

      Well it’s about time! Welcome back, ma!

      • Intellectual Hedonist

        @RedBeanzNRice, thank you , thank you very much

    • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com blackberry molasses

      @Intellectual Hedonist,

      you’re back!!!

      YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!

      • Intellectual Hedonist

        @blackberry molasses, thank you BBMO

  • http://stickwithyocat.blogspot.com/ iloVEGrits

    Inevitably, when I am out with my best friend a guy will hit on either me or her. When one shoots him down, he will hit on the other.

    Men…do NOT do this. If the 2nd choice was interested, you have no chance after she sees you hit on her girl. Plus we talk about you after you walk away.

    Also, a group of guys surrounding two or three girls like vultures is never segzy. We understand you need wing men but play it cool.

    • http://blkbond.blogspot.com BlkBond

      @iloVEGrits,

      I understand this in theory, but what if one has a man, isn’t she the one who should do the courtesy of identifying herself for all intended purposes?

      I hate when it’s two or more BAD arse women, and I make the wrong guess. That’s like a twisted version of price is right.

      Bond.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @BlkBond,

        I hate when it’s two or more BAD arse women, and I make the wrong guess. That’s like a twisted version of price is right.

        i think you have an idea here. seriously, who wouldnt watch a show where a camera follows a guy around in the club, and he has to correctly pick who’s single and interested??? there could even be a bank like on “deal or no deal”

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          @The Champ, i think you’re on to something.

          • http://www.myspace.com/thagrindaholic BLUNTBLAZER

            @Panama Jackson,
            single people shouldn’t be in the club anyways they unless they have glow in the dark headband or sumthin. for real stay home and bone dont come out and see if you still got it

            • Me fail english?

              @BLUNTBLAZER,

              lol@ headbands. Like we’re in some sorta tacky cult. Everybody’s lyin bout smthg in the club. WHy not us? :)

        • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

          @The Champ,

          VH1 is coming out w/ the brown & coontastic version. “Who’s a Baby Mama?” Fall 2009.

          I’m sooo (un)sincere

          • SouthernGirl

            @Luvvie,

            i don’t have the strength to discuss this f^ckery. or the fact that gabby union in producing it.

            • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=73903598 Dom

              @SouthernGirl,
              Wait, this is for real? I thought this was a joke!

            • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com blackberry molasses

              @SouthernGirl,

              ‘scuse me? who is green-lighting this shyt?

            • SouthernGirl

              hmph….i really hope it is but so far that’s the word on the curb and ain’t nobody hopped up to say it was false and you know gabby be quick to say somebody lying on her.

              as for who’s greenlighting this sh!t i’ve been asking that particular question about VH1 for years now. remember they used to not even play rap videos? now that hoes in every area code and musical genre.

            • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

              @SouthernGirl,

              Gurl I made this up.

              But I did hear that Gabby Union is producing some show on VH1 for the fall.

          • SouthernGirl

            @Luvvie,

            I know you made the title up but I thought you were making fun of her show. lol. I think hers is based around the exes/baby mamas of athletes or some such nonsense.

      • Me fail english?

        @BlkBond,

        Can’t speak for anyone else, but once a guy shows my girl attn first he’s dead to me. It could have been a 5 second convo for all I care. I’m still second best and that’s just not gonna cut it.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          @Me fail english?, so you won’t talk to him b/c you feel he thinks you’re not top notch?

          so it has nothing to do with him and everything to do with your own perception of how he views you?

          • Ms. T

            @Panama Jackson, I can’t speak for me fail, but in my opinion, yep!

            • Me fail english?

              @Ms. T,

              Thank ya ma’am. Who cares how fly he is if he only thinks I’m second rate? Plus, won’t he always be wishing my girlfriend was single so he could move to greener pastures??

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

              “Who cares how fly he is if he only thinks I’m second rate?”

              maybe your girl was just physically closer to him than you were, and he saw her first and sh*t. getting hollered at second doesn’t necessarily mean “plan b”

            • Me fail english?

              @The Champ ,

              Haha. That lazy a*hole. He didn’t even think enough of me to walk the extra two feet? I guess he mighta thought we (me and my girl) were evenly matched but this would always bother me that my dude once looked at my girl in that way.

        • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com Sula

          @Me fail english?,

          Word to the wise!! I cannot even fathom the thought… so you liked her best but now you will “make do” with me? Screeech! No can do, sirree.

        • http://presidentialtelevisionandfilm.ning.com/ Monk

          @Me fail english?,

          Why does this remind me of that movie (escapes my mind right now) in which dude taps girl on the shoulder to get her attention, she turns and seems interested, and then he hits her with “Hey sista, can you tap the white girl over there for me?”

          Hilarious.

      • Ms. T

        @BlkBond, And what happens when you make the wrong choice on the show??? You lose!

    • The_Eighth_Hokage

      @iloVEGrits, now i may be an exception but i did make a move on my 1st choice then after realizing her friend was a better choice a song later switched…… long story short me and girl #2 hit it off

    • Ms. T

      @iloVEGrits,

      I know right, like you are just willing to accept him treating you as seconds… Tell dude to GTFOH

      • Dorian G.

        @Ms. T,

        I really wish women would get over themselves in this regard. Most of the time the choosing is a logical thing that maximizes the man’s success, and usually has very little to do with whether we view you as first or second rate.

        • Ms. T

          @Dorian G., Ok,
          I understand your point but I think if a man find my friend and I both attractive why not strike up a conversation with both of us, and then try to talk to the one who you think is feeling you? Then you may make the correct choice.

          The G code (at least in my lil crew) is you can not talk to anyone who is interested in your friend, you can not talk to someone your friend is interested in, and you can not talk to someone your friend used to date.

          • Me fail english?

            @Ms. T,

            Yes! You spittin da troofs today! There are plenty of fish in the sea fellas. If you pick one that doesn’t like you her crew is dead. Move on to the next group!

            Sidenote: There are some girls that’ll still get with you after you went for her friend first. They are called sluts.

          • Dorian G.

            @Ms. T,

            So let me get this straight. You think that every man you have ever dated/loved/and loved you back, didn’t think any of your girlfriends were sexy? Is that really the belief code y’all rolling with?

            • Ms. T

              @Dorian G.,
              No, I didn’t say that. My comment was for the meeting process.

              Heck someone who I date may meet my friend,after we start dating, and think she is hotter than I am,but at that point he and she should know that they are offlimits to each other.

        • http://presidentialtelevisionandfilm.ning.com/ Monk

          @Dorian G.,

          ” the choosing is a logical thing that maximizes the man’s success, and usually has very little to do with whether we view you as first or second rate.”

          Very True.

          • SaneN85

            Maybe I’m different, but I do not consider my friends off limits once I decide I’m not interested in a person. I’d feel silly telling my girl she can’t talk to someone because we flirted for five minutes or went out once and weren’t feeling eachother for whatever reason. I do, however, consider them a no-go once we have been seeing eachother for a while or if we’ve slept together ever. I, also, do not appreciate being second choice.

  • overit

    if you’re sweaty, don’t touch, or try to put your hyperhidrosis hands on me, just back up! speak to me from afar, i can lipread.

    the staring kills me also, by staring you are scaring, not enticing me.

    g’night frengs!

    • http://stickwithyocat.blogspot.com/ iloVEGrits

      @overit,

      I was at a party on Saturday and being stared at by a group of 3-4 guys. I could hear them talking bout me “are her eyes really green?” “dang, her feet are little” “she’s got long legs”

      wth?

      I was creeped out so I moved away.

      • i’m overit, BOO

        @iloVEGrits, so unnerving! that kind of behavior brings out the BEACH in me, lol. i can be quite rude back.

      • i’m overit, BOO

        @iloVEGrits, eek, i don’t understand why people think manic behavior is acceptable behavior.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          @i’m overit, BOO, because so many clearly insane people are in relationships or married.

          and believe it or not, but some misguided souls find pure insanity to be very attractive.

          • overit

            @Panama Jackson, sigh, i believe it. one of my girls is accepting donations cause her man is coming out of jail and NEEDS a party.

      • shay_d_lady

        @iloVEGrits, dang, her feet are little
        that comment makes my flesh crawl…

        • http://stickwithyocat.blogspot.com/ iloVEGrits

          @shay_d_lady,

          I hear comments about my feet being small from men ALOT. I am 5’5″ and I wear a size 6 shoe; so I guess that’s small for my height. But men notice. Some weird foot size fetish I don’t know about.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

            @iloVEGrits, i have no idea if thats really big or small, but just in general, anybody would notice somebody with proportionately small or large feet. something about extra small or big feet on people just seems odd. like God blinked or something.

      • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

        @iloVEGrits,

        “dang, her feet are little”

        H*ll. They ARE freakishly small for your height. You like one of them Indians who bind their feet til they shrink.

        Or your feet are the equivalent of Beetlejuice’s head when he got to Purgatory. Just lil

        • http://stickwithyocat.blogspot.com/ iloVEGrits

          @Luvvie,

          rude

        • http://www.twitter.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist

          @Luvvie, I wear a size 11 (yes I have a big foot) but I am also 5’5″ and my feet look proportioned to my frame…

          @ iloVEGrits do you also have a small frame?

          • http://stickwithyocat.blogspot.com/ iloVEGrits

            @Intellectual Hedonist,

            I am deceptively sized. lol. I wear a 2 but for some reason folks always think I am a lil thicker. I think b/c my legs are long my feet look freakish. Dunno.

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

              @iloVEGrits, see, just in that paragraph right there you’ve given us all a reason to stare.

          • http://www.myspace.com/thagrindaholic BLUNTBLAZER

            @Intellectual Hedonist,
            dam size 11 !!! at 5’5 gawd dam

            • Intellectual Hedonist

              @BLUNTBLAZER, yeah but I wear some FLY ass shoes.

        • i’m overit, BOO

          @Luvvie, ok, isn’t the foot binding a chinese custom? you can’t be painting all asians with the same calligraphy pen!!

          • miss t-lee

            @i’m overit, BOO,
            “ok, isn’t the foot binding a chinese custom”
            Thanks overit…I was about to say…lol

          • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

            @i’m overit, BOO,

            My bad. I take it back then. I meant the Chinese. I’s senile. I saw some special bout it a while back. Here are my apologies. I bring Curry as a show of truce

      • Me fail english?

        @iloVEGrits,

        This is creepy as hell. They was talking about you like Thanksgiving dinner. It’s especially creepy when there’s more than one thirstbucket/weirdo in the group. Yikes!

        • http://www.myspace.com/thagrindaholic BLUNTBLAZER

          @Me fail english?,
          I told a girl I had the munchies and she looked like a bucket of chicken (nice legs, thighs and breast) she laughed and we went out for about 2years. lol

          • Me fail english?

            @BLUNTBLAZER,

            Lol. She must’ve thought you was cute. No man that you’re on the fence about can win with this one.

            • http://www.myspace.com/thagrindaholic BLUNTBLAZER

              @Me fail english?,
              she laughed hella hard then we started choppin it up I was jus bein myself and it worked. no sappy lines *wha ya name what ya sign* -b.i.g.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @overit,

      speak to me from afar, i can lipread.

      why not just sign to each other at opposite ends of the lounge? or, better yet, morse code.

    • RedBeanzNRice

      @overit,

      “speak to me from afar, i can lipread.”

      That comment seriously just made my day!

  • Miss Patterson

    when i read “separate and smile”, i first thought you meant that or those….lol.

    • charli skipper

      @Miss Patterson,
      i thought he meant “those.” and i was like, “well if they weren’t separated before you left the house, then i really don’t understand what else can be done about….oohhhhh…” lol

      • Me fail english?

        @charli skipper,

        AHAHHAHAHAA!!!

    • http://www.myspace.com/wudaman19 WuDaMan

      @Miss Patterson,
      *marvin gaye playing in the background*

      Aaaaaaaaaawwwee baby

  • Blacklaw

    no matter what they say never ever let that chick pay on the first 2 or 3 venues you go to together. even if she do that fake *ss reach in the pocket book (which dont have nothing in it but some lip gloss and a tampon) dont let it go down

    • http://stickwithyocat.blogspot.com/ iloVEGrits

      @Blacklaw,

      Someone taught you well. :)

      • miss t-lee

        @iloVEGrits,
        Yeah…this kat is talking right…lol

    • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

      @Blacklaw,

      Please call your mama and daddy and tell them they have succeeded in raising a gentleman. Kthx

      • Blacklaw

        @Luvvie, in full disclosure i aint tryna have that thing thing dry up on me…dont nothin make coochie dry up on ninja like a chick payin before she has come to the conclusion that u worth a damn

        • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

          @Blacklaw,

          LMAO!!! I like ur transparency. And yes, it’d make the Love Pocket drier than Alise’s hair in an Arizona desert at high noon. Tee hee

          Me spending the money isn’t the point. It comes down to you already wanting me to cater to U and I’ont even know whether you like silk or cotton yet.

          • Blacklaw

            @Luvvie, diggit
            keep it cotton tho
            stuff gotta breathe or none at all unless you on the subway, u will definitely need some buffer between ur bugina and the subway seat…shout to my new york heads

          • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

            @Luvvie,

            Interesting, in my case, I won’t make attempts to exclusively pay unless I’ve determined she’s worth it. If someone wants to pay for their food or drinks on our dates, I’m likely going to let them.

            I’m pretty straightforward when it comes to some things, no ifs, ands, or bluffs.

            • Me fail english?

              @kamakula,

              And this is why I don’t even pretend like I’m gonna pay. Let there be no confusion. I don’t do Dutch

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @Blacklaw,

          dont nothin make coochie dry up on ninja like a chick payin before she has come to the conclusion that u worth a damn

          ***nodding head***

          • RedBeanzNRice

            @The Champ, Blacklaw

            “dont nothin make coochie dry up on ninja like a chick payin before she has come to the conclusion that u worth a damn ***nodding head***”

            Yall some busters.

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

              @RedBeanzNRice,

              bust deez

            • RedBeanzNRice

              @TheChamp,

              Bust your own.

    • charli skipper

      @Blacklaw,
      exactly. if, on the off chance i do have some actual money in there, it’s for my da*n bills or some cute shoes. and if you actually LET me pay, you’s a bi*ch negro for that.

      • JamaicanGirl

        @charli skipper, I don’t mind paying but its the thought that counts, besides if i pay and you didn’t even make an attempt to stop me, don’t even think about a second date.

    • i’m overit, BOO

      @Blacklaw, *air five!

      • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

        @i’m overit, BOO,

        ok Todd (shoutouts to “Scrubs)

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Blacklaw,

      UNLESS…you realize that the date and the chick is a bust anyway, in which case, if she offers, even only b/c she expects you to say “naw, girl, i got this”, then let her pay. it’s 2 books and a possible.

      for one, she probably wont talk to you for the rest of the night (book 1), which means, what class?

      you can just take her home and end the date (book 2) and then head to club and try to find a new breezy (possible book 3).

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @Panama Jackson,

        like jay-z quotes, theres a spades analogy for everything

    • Ivy st.

      @Blacklaw,
      LOL! I’ve actually reached in for some lip gloss when the check arrived. I wasn’t trying to pretend that I was going to pay. My date quickly insisted he’d pay. From then on, this seemed like a nice little trick.

    • http://www.myspace.com/thagrindaholic BLUNTBLAZER

      @Blacklaw,
      shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii i hada a first date with this one chick and we went out to eat I paid first time. Next time she broke out the gold card. I was like hella yea she a winner. yo no tengo un captin savem cape on.

      • Blacklaw

        @BLUNTBLAZER, i found food taste better when i dont pay for that ish

        • Ivy St.

          @Blacklaw,
          I agree!

        • miss t-lee

          @Blacklaw,
          Free food is the best food.

  • http://stickwithyocat.blogspot.com/ iloVEGrits

    For the lesbians (NTTAWWT)

    Don’t hit on women unless there is some indicator that they are down for the carpet munch.

    I still have nightmares about the butch with a grill, cornrows and Sean John outfit who breathed in my ear “I like the way you dance”.

    She was too burly to fight so I backed away in haste.

    • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

      @iloVEGrits,

      Studs are scary @ me. They always looking at me like they wanna eat me (no pun intended). EEK!!

      • http://stickwithyocat.blogspot.com/ iloVEGrits

        @Luvvie,

        “They always looking at me like they wanna eat me”

        umm….that’s cuz they do.

        • i’m overit, BOO

          @iloVEGrits, ok, now YOU need to sat down.

    • http://www.museacdonline.com pgh muse

      @iloVEGrits, Don’t hit on women unless there is some indicator that they are down for the carpet munch.

      Let the Chuuuch say AMEN! These chicks be coming harder than men. Let it go… she’s just not into you.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        @pgh muse, you know that is very true. Dom chicks are VERY VERY aggressive. in fact…

        true story. at my club in DC, we used to do this lesbian night on Saturdays. worst tippers ever. anyway, it was like watching white people’s version of Blackness to the most extreme. these chicks went so hard as dudes it was crazy from the dap to the dress, etc.

        but they ALSO went harder with the violence. the worst fight i’ve seen (and also had to be apart of breaking up) invovled like 12 chicks at this part. it started in front of the club, made its way into the middle of U Street…stopped traffic…one chick got her skull bashed in by two other chicks. it was so bad, our security, and myself and the owner, had to just say f*ck it, they’re acting like dudes, treat’em like dudes. we were throwing women around, holding folks down on the concrete until the police showed up, etc.

        and since they were small, they were jumping on our backs trying to pull us off their friends and stuff. lol. it was quite the mayhem.

        f*cking roaches.

        • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

          @Panama Jackson,

          “f*cking roaches.”

          *dead*

        • http://www.myspce.com/tanishah SxyScientst

          @Panama Jackson, this sounds like a cheaters episode i watched…lol

    • Me fail english?

      @iloVEGrits,

      I didn’t know Memorial wknd in MIA was also gay week. I could followed by some tough lesbians from 16th to 10th. They put their hands in my hair and kept talking about my accent. I kept looking straight ahead or down at the ground because I was scared they’d take me home with them and make me wash their panties :(

      • http://www.kindredsmile.blogspot.com Kindred Smile

        @Me fail english?, LMAO @ wash their panties. Bwhahahaha sat DOWN

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=73903598 Dom

        @Me fail english?,
        Hands in your hair? Thats a f*cking violation right off the bat. Somebody woulda got that @ss whopped on Collins!

        • Me fail english?

          @Dom,

          You know what’s funny. I probably coulda took them (at least one of em) in a rumble too. I’m mad just thinking about it!

          • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=73903598 Dom

            @Me fail english?,

            Yeah, thats some bs. Even though I’m small and likely to get beat off size alone, I will still do my best. I believe in fighting dirty.

      • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

        @Me fail english?,

        They’d make u wash their BOXERS. Please get it right. The studs I knew in college wore boxers and wife beaters under everything.

        • Blacklaw

          @Luvvie, chicks be wearin underwear with penis holes cut out
          knew this one chick who used to do that, she was pullin chicks like a ol school playa
          mad she was on that homo joint cuz her body was crazy!!!!

      • Ms. T

        @Me fail english?,

        LOL you are too wild for that comment! LOL

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @iloVEGrits,

      “I still have nightmares about the butch with a grill, cornrows and Sean John outfit who breathed in my ear “I like the way you dance”.”

      her name wasn’t “overit”, was it?

      • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

        @The Champ,

        her name wasn’t “overit”, was it?

        BOGUS! U leave ZeeBaby out of this. lest you want the Pinstripe Mafia to come and cut the hems off ur NEW pair of jeans. >:-O

      • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com blackberry molasses

        @The Champ,

        you leave my e-child ALONE.

        this is your first, last and ONLY warning. Next time ninja, I’m coming wit scissors in hand… for your hats and ties.

    • http://nolagirlintransition.blogspot.com/ ChiChi

      @iloVEGrits, I went to a gay club with some friends and me and my bestie was like “We go together tonight!” LOL Don’t come hit on nonadis over here.

  • Blacklaw

    do ppl still say pocket books?is it handbag now? school me

    • http://stickwithyocat.blogspot.com/ iloVEGrits

      @Blacklaw,

      Pocket book is very maw maw ish (that’s grandmother, for you northerners), but I let it slide. lol.

      Purse works. But in a date sitch, she’s probably rocking a clutch. BUT, if you know the difference, you are unlikely to get any so stick with purse.

    • http://www.twitter.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist

      @Blacklaw, purse or bag, however bag is usually preceeded by the designer name. i.e Gucci Bag, Coach bag…

      On ocassion I may say pocketbook

    • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

      @Blacklaw,

      I say purse. Pocketbook reminds me of checkbooks. All flat and inadequate. Where will my vaseline go? What about my lotion? And my pens? What bout my organizer? What bout my MacBook????

      *wall slide*

      Nope!

      • http://stickwithyocat.blogspot.com/ iloVEGrits

        @Luvvie,

        you need to carry a book bag for all that.

        • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

          @iloVEGrits,

          No. I just carry my FIERCE red crocskin tote. You’ve seen it. tee hee

          • mssmtaylor

            @Luvvie,

            “No. I just carry my FIERCE red crocskin tote”

            One of my girlfriends has one of those. I laughed my butt off when I first saw it because she has tons of ish in there. She even puts her purse in it.
            I’m thinking about getting me one.

          • miss t-lee

            @Luvvie,
            “crocskin”

            I totally read something else the first time…I know I’m not alone.

      • i’m overit, BOO

        @Luvvie, according to my deduction skills you rock a jansport or northface @ all times. not cute luvster, lol. the vaseline can stay, as can the other small items..the macbook? leave it alone sometimes, *absence makes the fans grow fonder:)

        like a couple days, not a bid.

        • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

          @i’m overit, BOO,

          *GASP* I left my Jansport days in college. Besides, you’ve also seen my fierce red tote. Chic and fits ALL my stuff.

          • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com blackberry molasses

            @Luvvie, Imma post a pic of the fly orange one I got goin on for the summer. a birfay gift from my bestie!

      • http://nolagirlintransition.blogspot.com/ ChiChi

        @Luvvie, I’m a fan of BIG ASS purses for all yo needs. LOL

    • http://www.babsinblogland.com Babs

      @Blacklaw,

      I still say pocketbook from time to time, but I’m special and I know that. I also call sneakers – Tennis shoes.

      • miss t-lee

        @Babs,
        “I also call sneakers – Tennis shoes.”

        I do too. :)

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=73903598 Dom

          @miss t-lee,

          Willing to bet a 100 yall call it pop instead of soda too, right?

          • Ms. T

            @Dom,
            NO, I say tennis too, and it is soda! Pop is a type of music :D

            • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

              @Ms. T,

              Words can have more than one definition. It’s pop. ;)

          • miss t-lee

            @Dom,
            no baby…it’s soda….lol You lost 100!!!
            (I’m so not trying to instigate this soda vs. pop war again) :)

            • http://nolagirlintransition.blogspot.com/ ChiChi

              @miss t-lee, It’s “cold drink”…guess where I’m from. LOL

            • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=73903598 Dom

              @miss t-lee,

              *Shrugs* I tried

            • miss t-lee

              @ ChiChi
              not hard at all…either NOLA or somewhere in LA…lol

            • http://nolagirlintransition.blogspot.com/ ChiChi

              @miss t-lee, Yeah, I think it should be pretty much common knowledge now. Post-Katrina. NOLA all day. LOL

      • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

        @Babs,

        And we call them Gym Shoes :-p

        • RedBeanzNRice

          @Luvvie,

          “And we call them Gym Shoes :-p”

          Cause yall some squares. ;)

    • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

      @Blacklaw,

      “Pocketbook” sounds like you enjoy spending your leisurely time watching Matlock.

      • Me fail english?

        @Cheekie,

        LOL. Like he wears dungarees and trousers. Haha @ Coloredlaw

        • Blacklaw

          @Me fail english?,
          lol, cant hate that ish was funny

        • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

          @Me fail english?,

          Wait a min. This:

          “Haha @ Coloredlaw”

          Coloredlaw? *DEAD*

          me fail english, I wish I knew how to quit you!

    • Ms. T

      @Blacklaw, I call it a purse!