I was having an IM convo with a certain VSB commenter when she displayed for me a certain statistic. Peep game, shawty.
“…some study about women wearing sexy underwear versus ugly/ill fitted underwear
27% said wearing the latter affects their mood while 47% said wearing the sexy kind makes them happier throughout the day…”
Well, after that, I did what any red-blooded American male would do; I hit up most of the women I know and asked them if their day was affected by the types of drawz they put on. A large segment of responses started with, “the type of underwear I put on is totally dependent on my mood…”
“Hmmmm,” said Panama Jackson.
Now, the scientist in me deduced that in the future, instead of blaming PMS for many women’s craptastic attitude, I could simply assume that these women were wearing underwear of ill repute. Or UIR for short. I don’t actually intend on using that anywhere else in this post, but I felt it worhty of acronymity. I’m also not sure if acronymity is a word and am too lazy to look it up.
Jerome? Where my mirror at?
Oh and by the way, that scientific deduction up there (See that last line, it’s right above it. Lil Wayne.) wasn’t very scientific so here’s some better science for you. While I cannot deduce that a woman wearing ugly drawz will have a bad day, I can deduce that if a woman I encounter is having a bad or less than stellar day, there is at least a 25 percent chance that she is wearing ugly drawz. Stick a fork in me, Ms. Steuben; I’m done.
Well all of this talk about women’s underwear and moods got me to wondering. And when Panama wonders, Panama tends to speak in third person. Panama wondered if there was a male equivalent to the Underwear Theory. Is there any item of clothing that tends to have an impact on a man’s day? Of course there is. But much like rainbows, chocolate chips, and Pringles…
…there’s more than one! Or something like that…
The type of shoes a dude wears tells you a lot about them. A dude is rocking some beat up sh*tkickers or some really soft hard bottoms, well he probably is going through some emotional turmoil in his life. Just like men who tie up their Timberland’s (workus bootus varietas). Those guys are not gangsta. But personality aside, there are some shoes I rock when my mood is less than whimsy. I’ll put on the all black everything Tims if I’m in a dark and edgy mood. If I’m in a chillaxational mood, I’m all about the Chuck Taylor’s. And when I’m feeling violent? Well, there’s only shoe for the violent man about town.
Stacy Adams. Chicago? I’m looking at you.
Now I’m a sock guy. None of my socks have pretty print – unless you count argyle as pretty print. And I’m not pretty, so argyle tends to be more medieval and jagged. Edgy even. I wanna be. Well, when I’m in a really fun mood, I’m pulling out the knee-high, two striped color socks, and I get my strut on, George Jefferson style. No Sherm. No boat. Point is, I tend to be in a better mood when I’m rocking my tall socks with the colored stripes. Unlike when I just have on some all white socks. Kind of makes me feel shackled. Like I don’t own myself or something. Or like I’m looking for where I came from. It’s sad really.
3. Color schemes
This one is very broad. No dames. I’m from down south so you know we have some very loud color schemes. Now, I’m not one of those loud people with the colors, but if I’m feeling in a particularly fun mood, I’ll pull out the green sweater or shirt with the fun saying on it. Green means Panama is having a good day. When I’m feeling down, it doesn’t make sense looking like the goodie goodies, dressed in white, I like black Tims and black hoodies.
Let’s open the doors…
4. Donny Hathaway
A lot of people I know only listen to Donny when they’re having a bad day. I find this ironic (though only because I do it, the dude made some fairly depressing music) because I only listen to Donny when I’m in good spirits. On the other side of things, when I’m in a bad mood, it’s all about Kidz Bop and “It’s A Small World After All.” Scar knows what I’m talking about.
5. Boxer Briefs
If I’m wearing boxer briefs, I’m generally going to have a good day and feel great about the prospects for greatness. Of course, If I have forgotten to do laundry, and I’m forced to embark on tighty whitey ness, well, it will not be a good day and I will not be the father. I don’t actually own tighty whiteys, mostly because that sounds racist. Thank you and good night.
So good people of VSB, is there anything you do or wear that affects your day? Or is there anything you do because you’re in a certain mood?
Sharing is caring.
By the way, hope you all had a Merry Christmas and that Santa brought you the toys you wanted.
-VSB P aka lower.case.p. aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka HEEEEEEEEEEEY YOU GUUUUUUUUYS! aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3