Pop Culture

Madonna Sucks The Everlasting Living Human Spirit Soul Out Of Drake

During a Coachella performance of his song, “Madonna,” the actual Madonna joined Drake onstage for a special guest performance. But, wait there’s more. She ended the performance by forcing a kiss on young Aubrey, much to his chagrin. Seriously, homie looked like when our mama used to force-feed us Tussin whilst inflicted with the cold virus (and every other ailment ever, because Tussin fixes everything if you a Black mama). (Editor’s note: Or, better yet, how I imagine my dad looked when his mom used to make him eat Vicks VapoRub.)

Ouch. I bet Christina Aguilera is NOW glad everyone forgot Madonna also kissed her after Britney Spears.

Due to Drake’s reaction, I can’t help but wonder what a kiss from Madonna must (unfortunately) taste like. Gluten-free Rolaids? A Martian accent? A chicken sandwich (And not a piece of breaded chicken, but an actual live chicken between two slices of bread)?

Filed Under: , ,
Tonja Stidhum

Tonja Renée Stidhum is a screenwriter/director with cheeks you want to pinch... but don't (unless she wants you to). She is made of sugar and spice and everything rice... with the uncanny ability to make a Disney/Pixar reference in the same sentence as a double entendre.

  • Poor Drake. In the midst of a Dementor’s kiss, he forgot his patronus charm.

    • Nerd.

      • Takes one to know one. :)

        • PunchDrunkLove

          This pic makes me sad

  • Im sure a kiss from Madonna tastes like…

    Week old italian subs, Virginia slims, Bengay, white crayons, earring backings, LeBron’s headband, your index finger after you just changed a tire, Crystal Pepsi, Nail polish remover, the 86 Lakers, Crown Apple, divorce, Derrick Rose’s meniscus, dreams deferred, 465 Credit scores, and Youtube ads

    I feel for Aubrey tho, bad kisses are traumatic experiences. I’ll go 100 to 0 real quick if a kiss is bad

    • Val

      Lol@white crayons

    • MzzPeaches

      “earring backings”

      revolting. Blah!

    • I agree.
      Wetting my entire face like a rescue saint bernard is a deal breaker too.

      • Tonja (aka Cheeks)

        PREACH. Stop trying to suck my entire face off, ugh.

    • st george doesnt exist

      the credit score.. damn lol

    • whostolethesoul

      I love you for this….white crayons, earring backings, Leb’s headband, and ….volleyball kneepads, #heaves

  • TJ

    I guess Drake set himself up when he decided to have a song with her namesake. Drake did this to himself. Lmao!

    • Are you saying….he was asking for it? #Matriarchy

      • TJ

        Touché! It does sound matriarchal.

  • Hands down…
    I bet her kisses taste like zombie socks.

  • Capitalist Brotha

    Probably tastes like oatmeal mixed with sandpaper.

  • Tonja (aka Cheeks)

    *Post-Madonna-kiss Drake face @ Damon’s dad eating Vicks’salve*

  • Chavon

    Her kiss probably tastes like moth balls, bad British accents and subway. Not the sandwich shop…but the A train in NYC.

  • Madonna trying to extract some Melanin to reverse her Crypt Keeper aesthetic. Facts.

    • Drake is walking around wondering why he doesn’t have a reflection now. Poor thing.

  • Jiovan

    Should’ve had that Expelliarmus spell on deck……

  • Also, Madonna kisses taste like Rose Art crayons and MS Paint.

More Like This