“If I don’t like it I don’t like it, that don’t mean that I’m hating…” ~ Common “The Sixth Sense” Like Water For Chocloate
I get called a hater all the time. And well, me and Reggie Noble? We’ll be dat.
Now I can’t in good consciousness refer to myself as a hater. That makes no sense. For one, I’m too sexxy (for this shirt) for that. For b, what exactly is a hater anyway?
I’ve always viewed haters as those assholes who came up with asinine reasons for not liking something or knocking somebody down. You know that bullsh*t like, “Beyonce looks like a robot version of Brak from Space Ghost.”
That’s just not true.
Or even better, my favorite hater to want to slap the monkeyshine sh*t out of: the person who just can’t be happy for anybody. You know this dude very well. Somebody gets a promotion and he’s on some, “he probably tossed a few salads to get to the top” type stuff. True or not, that’s hateration at its finest.
Tyra Banks on the season finale of ANTM last night? Not at her finest. Word to the wise, my ebony sisters, dirty blond wigs mixed with the dresses from East Hell makes you look a gay metrosexual moose with a wig on that smokes Newports and only drinks Zima out of a shot glass.
Now see, that could be construed as hating, except…it’s totally true.
See, that’s not hating.
Well, anyway, this got me to thinking about stuff I’ve been accused of hating on. And quite possilby it’s true. There are things and people I just don’t “get” and in my lack of “getting it” I tend to make known my disdain for such things, which can be construed as hating.
So f*ck it. Call me a hater. Hell, call me what you want but don’t call me on my Sidekick.
I have an iPhone, beeyotch.
So, without further ado, things that Panama Jackson just doesn’t get and “hates” on:
Drake – I honestly don’t understand the hype behind this cat. Sure he can rap. Whoopty damn do. Sure he can sing. Whoopy damn do. He is about as interesting to me as Soulja Boy is deep. Read: not very. Plus, his entire rap style is Kanye’s…except, Kanye is WAY more entertaining than he is. The funny thing about Drake is that it seems like the whole world fell in love with him at the same time. In one two week span, I got no less than 20 emails, IMs, texts, and phone calls on some, “have you heard of Drake?” Yes, bitch, I have. And no I’m not feeling him. I’d rather go watch a puma screw an oddly named IKEA appliance than listen to So Far Gone again.
(Suggestion: Now if you want to hear that good raw hiphop, then I suggest you check out Diamond District’s “In The Ruff” album. Been on repeat for the past three weeks. Real.Hip.Hop, dawg.)
Twitter – I’m on twitter right now trying to understand it. Lots of folks are following me which is a shame because I update like every other other day. And for no reason and with nothing interesting to say for real. If you really want to holler at the good Reverand Petey Jakes, hit me on AIM or GChat or something.
Basically, tweet deez.
Panama – Ole wacksauce second tier bloggin’ a** ninja.
Hill Harper – He’s never seen a bad script he wouldn’t jump on and yet for some reason, women swoon over this cat like he’s Hollywood Will Smith and sh*t. He hasn’t done anything of real accomplishment aside from graduating from college and going to school with Obama and writing a book for women (I think). You know who else wrote a book for women? Iceberg Slim.
Skinny jeans – “I can’t wear skinny jeans cuz my knot to thick” I have no earthly idea why grown ass men thing wearing denim tights is the way to go but there’s a whole lot of buttchex looking cats running around influencing our youth.
Tyler Perry movies – Mostly because they suck.
OJ Da Juiceman – Sike. I totally get this one. He’s talented and makes me believe in myself.
Katt Williams – Mostly because he’s really not funny in his standup. Actually, it’s ALL because he’s not funny in his standup.
I think that’s enough of Panama’s dislikes for now. So my good friends here at the VSB.com HQ, what are some nouns that other people seem to love but you just ain’t feeling and get accused of hating on?
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD 3