Valentine’s Day is Sunday (in case you forgot). While many of you assumed that my suggestions for the lonely single were tongue-in-cheek, I can assure you that it was filled with the utmost sincerity. Well, it seems slightly unfair to lend a helping hand to one group and not the other; technically that would make me a racist. And I’m so not a racist.
Since the number of strippers is on the rise, we know we’re in an economic recession. That means that nobody has the money to blow $10,000 on romantic getaways to wherever Jay and Beyonce are going. Nope, a lot of us have to stay in our lanes – and I don’t mean the HOV (hey, he has his own lane, already). As my gift to the you, and you (this goes out to you), I decided to come up with a list of Valentine’s Day date options for the economically challenged (or just late as hell on the planning tip).
1) Small-venue concert/show
Clearly I’m not talking U2 or Beyonce, but something a little more intimate and personal (and less expensive), like Viktor Duplaix, Juelz Santana, or perhaps the budget line of Maino featuring Beverly Frankie. Every city with reading Black folks probably has at least one or two neo-soul shows going on. This is a perfect option because neo-soul shows always have slower songs in the set which allow you to pull your date close and hug all up on them and get in some free feels. And if they rebuff those efforts, you can always just fall back into your same ole 2-step towards the bar for a solo shot of Patron while you hit on some other person wearing earthtones and khari shells who thinks Love Jones is a top 2 movie of all time. These people really do exist.
2) Jazz show
Not quite a concert but jazz shows are about as close as you can get to your ID card saying “Cool Motherf*cker”. And they won’t run your pockets like M.O.P. They’re so Brooklyn. For some reason, people assume that jazz apprecionists are cool and deep and cultured. Which totally works in the favor of the person who made the suggestion. It allows for quiet conversations and chances to say, “Yeah, I totally mess with Coltrane” and it not sound like something really nasty that happens with one chick and 12 guys…well you get the picture. Jazz is romance. Jazz is gangsta. Jazz is…life. No wait, that’s soul music. Dammit, vh1, got me all confrused like a former G-Unit rapper from Nashville.
3) Art gallery
While I myself don’t really care for art galleries so much, I can understand why people enjoy them. It gives you a chance to talk and schmooze over likes and dislikes and see things that aren’t really there in pictures that you’d never ever look at if it wasn’t on a wall in front of you. We also like to call those “regrets”. However, there’s a certain intimacy that is shared by looking at a painting and discussing what you each get out of it. That makes for a great date. Besides, if you say the right things, there’s a solid chance some “that was so deep” roomshaking might occur later on. There’s no aphrodisiac like depth to a reading Black chick. Well, that and Idris Elba.
4) Independent film series
As long as it doesn’t involve Will Ferrell, chances are this won’t go over badly. Plus, you can always pull the “for Valentine’s Day, I wanted to pull you into my world because you’re special to me” card. That’s how I got my girlfriend to go see Chicken Little with me. By the way, that never happened. I went to go see Chicken Little by myself.
That DID happen.
5) Winter picnic
As long as you live in a city that doesn’t get much snow like DC Dallas Miami a winter picnic says thoughtful and resourceful at the same time. Plus, for like 20 bucks you can get some pre-made sammiches from Costco or something so the works already done. Even better if you do it at night so you can do the Lady and The Tramp thing and kiss over the last strand of spaghetti, which I suppose contradicts the Costco sammiches but really that’s your problem not mine, Shar Jackson, so figure it out and hushup the f*ckup all that crying over some spilt milk – literally – cuz KFed looks like he spilt it all then slurped it all up.
What was I talking about again?
Ah yes. Some V-day (no hymen) suggestions. What else might you wonderful VSBers suggest as cost-effective and thoroughly enjoyable dateage?
Don’t be shy. Help your brothers and sisters out.
And Happy Valentine’s Day from your friendly neighborhood Panama.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3
This post is one part of our 2010 Valentine’s Day Triple Threat Celebration! Check out our other two selections: