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Love & Hip Hop NY Season 5 Reunion Recap (Part 1): Who Asked You, Erica?

I’m foregoing the points system today as I have a rant to get off of my chest – namely, that Erica Mena is a bird of the highest order.

Ms. Fresh Azimiz’ aviary skills are almost unprecedented at this point. The pure hubris of her flying around and dropping turds all over the reunion like the pigeon that she is from an undisclosed location is just unfathomable. Who convinced her that her shit doesn’t stink? In what world is she the star of this show? How is marrying a semi-notable child rapper put her on any level about the other birdbrains on this show? Most importantly, why is Mona feeing into her deluded ego?

Let’s be clear. Erica lobbing bombs from two thousand miles away is not her being above anything – it’s her being a loudmouthed coward. All of this yammering about making positive life changes while taking potshots at everybody on the stage – including people she never interacted with on the show – is about as reasonable as the New York Metropolitan Transit Authority’s financial planning. Ms. Mena better pray that Bow Wow doesn’t get killed off his new show and she has to tuck her tail and return to New York. Bethenny Frankel will tell you, don’t ever think you’re too big to get humbled.

While Mona was busy interviewing A Trick Named Erica, we were given a new reunion host by the name of Nina Parker. I have no idea why Mona won’t bite the bullet and give us the clear ideal host of Wendy Williams, but let’s just be happy that they didn’t give us John Salley.

First up is Erica and Cyn. Of course, nothing is Erica’s fault and Cyn is just playing the victim. Never mind that she admitted to kissing someone else while in a relationship. Or that she put her hands on Cyn. Or that Cyn never saw a dollar from the clothing line she sunk her hard earned La Marina tips into. However, she astoundingly has decided that as blame-free as she decided she is for the demise of her relationship, she also served as a beacon for acceptance for nontraditional couples. Excuse me for being non-PC here, but in what 21st century world are people collectively frowning upon watching two young attractive women make out? Even the most devout Westboro Baptist Church ministers probably smiled a bit at their Panamanian photoshoot last season.

We also meet Cyn’s new man. I don’t really care about him one way or the other but our little Cyn seems really happy, so you go Glen Coco. Shout out to the camera man for panning to Cisco when Ray came out though. *plays world’s tiniest violin*

(As an aside – did Cyn really just have her 21st birthday? She’s been on this show for at least 2 years, why the hell was Erica dating a 19 year old?)

We move on to the trials and tribulations of Yandy Smith “Harris” – excuse me while I roll my eyes – and Malware. Mendeecee(s) takes the time to praise Yandy for staying strong over the past 18 months by declaring that she was “battle tested” – I don’t know if that’s enough praise for someone who helped keep your family together while you were tied up with the Feds, but if that’s enough for her then so be it. Mastodon apologies for unconscionably pretending that their child had a medical emergency. We’re also blessed with the return of Kim, who apparently never got her cleaning bill reimbursed. She was rocking a crisp suit to the reunion, though!

Let’s move on to Rich and his bevy of birdbrained broads – okay, does Rich have a grill or braces? What’s going on here? Why can’t he pronounce the letter S anymore? This was irking me for at least twenty minutes.

Rich’s back and forth with Jhonni was fairly mindboggling, with Jhonni declaring she is in love with a man who she seems to have never dated. I was truly disappointed that they didn’t hit Jhonni with my burning question – is she or is she not leaving roses at cut buddy’s doorsteps???

The back and forth between Jhonni and Diamond, however, is pure gold. I’m paraphrasing here, but I’m pretty sure it went as follows:

Jhonni: ” You look like the Grinch that stole Christmas!”

Diamond: *unintelligible yammering*

Jhonni: “Go back to LA with your dog”

Diamond: “Jokes on you, I see my daughter twice a month!”

Jhonni: “Go back to Whoville!”

Diamond: “Whats wrong with seeing my child less frequently than I get my sew-in washed?”

Jhonni: “Well, your father’s a crackhead!”

Diamond: “…well you got me there.”

For the life of me I don’t know why Diamond even pretended to step to Jhonni “Look Ma No Hands” Blaze. Considering the results of their last encounter, that was miraculously less sensible than Diamond insisting that nothing happened in the restaurant bathroom her and Rich walked into after he proclaimed he wanted to “knock her screws loose” (I cringe everytime I write that). Also, shout out to Diamond’s mom, aka the only one with sense on the stage. She didn’t deserve watching her daughter go into a public bathroom with an elderly Kappa.

Erica takes some time to comment on Diamond’s parenting – Diamond, who she didn’t have ANY interaction with this season. Also, if there was ever a case of a pot and kettle…Erica’s kid is staying in Florida with her mom while she “gets her career together”…the only difference between Erica’s kid and Diamond’s is one has gotten used to hurricane season.

For the record, Diamond absolutely let Cisco believe her daughter was a dog. Just because she didn’t say “oh yeah that’s my dog” (which I believe she did, but I’m too lazy to DVR so let’s go along with her premise) – if your child is chattering in the background and your significant other goes “is that your puppy?” and you don’t correct them, guess what? You called your daughter a dog.

There was also some lipservice paid to Precious Paris’ non-storyline. Rich comes up with a million excuses as to why he didn’t do his job, but everyone’s pretty much in consensus that it didn’t work out because he wasn’t trying to do the downtown funky brown with her.

Chrissy and Chink go back and forth over their Ebony and Cracked Ivory relationship. I don’t have many damns to give about this storyline, except that Chrissy’s wigs look infinitely crazier in montage. That said, Erica’s shots against her were truly vile, and did nothing but convince me that she really was turning tricks for Chrissy. Who goes that HAM against someone you claim is insignificant?

Speaking of pale women with platinum blonde hair, I really thought that Chrissy had switched her wig yet again…only to realize that Cisco’s mom had arrived on stage to blast Diamond for her poor decision making. Diamond tearfully declares that Cisco had told her that she would move in with him or else she wouldn’t have left her daughter behind – as if the reason she left her behind wasn’t because she lied about having a child. #LettucePray that Mylisa breaks the cycle.

Next up is the reunion finale, which is coming around quicker than Cyn can curve Cisco. Until next week.

Shamira Ibrahim

Shamira is a twentysomething New Yorker who likes all things Dipset. You can join her in waxing poetically about chicken, Cam'ron, and gentrification (gotta have some balance) under the influence of varying amounts of brown liquor at her semi-monthly blog, shamspam.tumblr.com

  • is this season over yet?

    Let’s also not forget when Diamond had to turn the heat onto Cisco when Jhonni was coming for her.

    Diamond: I’m gunna get in that ass too, Cisco!
    *Cisco quickly wipes smile off of face*

    But in reality, who says that?! That is not scary coming from cindy lou from whoville. Let’s just call it for what it is…Diamond Strawberry Buttercup Blossom Bubbles needs Jesus.

    side note: “Jhonni ‘Look Ma No Hands’ Blaze” and “elderly kappa” had me rollin.

  • Agatha Guilluame

    She didn’t deserve watching her daughter go into a public bathroom with an elderly Kappa.

    So many levels to this particular line for me.

  • 1. Diamond did all that and she probably still gonna get Somaya Reeced
    2. Yandy is a much a “Harris” as a hoodrats middle name is “GettingMoneyStillFlyy”
    3. Mona wants to be a star so bad
    4. She called her child her dog. Like this happened
    5. Erica reminds me of the chick who stunts on her homegirls cuz her man is picking her up from work today
    6.Cisco needs a Jordan cry face meme ASAP

    • Mika

      THIS ENTIRE LIST. I cannot.

    • Melissa

      What I don’t understand is how someone who’s spent time in the Healing Presence of Tyler Perry can make such poor life decisions. Every time Erica opened her mouth as wide as her improbably u-shaped neckline (I am suspicious, nay, convinced that she had the dress on backward) and her implant scars threatened to wave hi, all I heard was, “Byyyyyyyrrrrrrraaaaaaannnnnn!”

  • KB

    Erica needs to borrow Tara’s My Little Pony.

  • I changed the channel after the day shift skripper called that girl “Whoville”.

    • uniquebeauty79

      day shift skripper, lolololololol

  • uniquebeauty79

    Erica with the whole I’m above y’all thing. smh. I hope Mr. Freshazimis (sp? i don’t care) had some residuals or something coming in hard cause that Her line might take a hit, I mean they making like what she said $30,000 a month? ijs… her attitude is terrible. People don’t like uppity ex skrippas

    • PunchDrunkLove

      She’s a coward. She wanted to talk about folks without getting a hole torn outta that frame.

      • uniquebeauty79

        Yep, and she KNEW Chrissy was gonna grab her again!

        • PunchDrunkLove

          Chrissy is about the only one I’ve seen made her back up. At one time Erica was throwing drinks and blows at anybody looking at her wrong. Chrissy is the new sheriff in town….hahahahaha

          • uniquebeauty79

            LOL, I don’t know about that. I think Jhonni “Lookmanohands” Blaze is bow donning that crown. Name me one episode she didn’t either lay hands or threatened to and was jacked up by security? *twiddles thumbs* I’ll wait…lol

            • PunchDrunkLove

              I’m only talking as it relates to Evicah….lol Yeah, Jhonni stay putting her paws on somebody. Lookmanohands…..hilarious

              • uniquebeauty79

                I think if they had been in the same space long enough with those gigantic personalities (read egos here), they most definitely would have had words…That would have been my Pacquiao v Mayweather right there LOLOLOLOL

                • PunchDrunkLove

                  Mmm hmmm….Inevitable

  • PunchDrunkLove

    Jhonni is mad cause her (self proclaimed) boo thang was tryna holler at Diamond. Grant all of it is tom foolery, but usually women hating on women “for nothing” is a clear sign of jealousy. All the name calling and jabs at her dad shows her level of stupidity, ratchedness and insecurity. Diamond might be dumb as a box of rocks, but she’s got the one thing that Jhonni ain’t got, and that’s youth. She’s got time to turn it around. Whether or not she does that is a horse of another color. Jhonni is died up, getting old, an old trick and hanging on to a misty dreams.

    • DiamondIsMyRealName

      I dont think that’s the case. When Cubic (because I refuse to call her Diamond) rolled up on Blaze and Rich at the bar, she came all the way wrong. Johnni has reason to not like her. Anyone who comes at me that way will get similar treatment, I dont do well with blatant disrespect.

      • PunchDrunkLove

        I guess I missed that episode….lol Still all that “extra” ain’t necessary. Then taking jabs at her dad, really? But hey, what else should I expect from alleybats?

        • DiamondIsMyRealName

          That was the episode where Cubic went crazy tellin erybody her and Rich were together lol I’m pretty sure there’s a recap about it on VSB… either way it showed how bat crazy she really is. You let that man screw (allegedly) in the bathroom and now he’s your man? Oh… ok!.. yeah… So when you see him having simple conversation with someone else you come in TRYING to regulate and get pounced on. It was pure entertainment to me! lol

          • PunchDrunkLove

            I’m holding out hope for Diamond. Maybe she’ll find her way…..she’s young. Them old chicks on that show though are all on their knees slobbing the knob. LOLOLOL It’s like the pot (Jhonni the harden trick) calling the kettle (Diamond) black. The bathroom was just a location. All of ’em low class and nasty.

    • cryssi

      While my research can not be fully verified, I have found that Diamond is actually 2 years older than Jhonni.

      • PunchDrunkLove

        Umm okay….I guess. Even better. She ain’t looking hagged out yet then. Too bad for Jhonni,, huh? Tricking is having that “hagly” affect on her. LOL

        • cryssi

          Lol, omgoodnees…too much, too much

  • Melissa

    There is only one acceptable host for this going forward. Jhonni would have that doily collar stuffed down her throat before we hit the first commercial break.

    http://38.media.tumblr.com/6880f885f4fa64cc47cdbdc0dd219407/tumblr_mm8axc0HUn1rflkf7o3_500.gif

  • DiamondIsMyRealName

    I really missed the “You cant handle my mouth muthasucka” Mena. She was my boo with her foolishness back then. THAT Mena woulda gladly sat on stage and ran her mouth and not gave a damb about who was there to hear it. This chick sittin not so pretty on her high step stool was not the business at all. I couldnt stand hearing her talk and it saddened me. Cubic Blueberry needs to get her WHOLE life together, her priorities aren’t even in the same classroom let alone in line. SMH…

  • Jasmine

    How could a person that claims to have progressed so much as a person even think to speak such hateful things? “Can’t have a kid to save her life…ran through whore”…like who says these things? She’s going too far. I really hope this marriage to her little manboy, Mr. 106thandPark works out…but anyone that mean cannot possibly be that great of a wife…she’ll be back. I give it 2 seasons.

    • SimplePseudonym

      I hope it doesn’t work out. and I hope they make her come and do a reunion Part 2 with all of the cast members with egg all over her face so that I can laugh. Her brandnewness is just too much.

      • Jasmine J

        Well after recent news you may just in fact get your wish.

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