Love & Hip Hop NY Ep. 510 Recap: #CreepSquad » VSB

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Love & Hip Hop NY Ep. 510 Recap: #CreepSquad

Guys, someone save Cyn from the sociopathic clutches of Cisco. I am so serious.  She deserves so much better than this. Why can’t she find a good man or woman to give her a burrito bowl? Can we start a PSA for her plight?

My apologies for the delay, there was a chicken shortage and I couldn’t find any Olde English to keep me going for a while, but I’m back and better than ever! Unfortunately “better” is not in the dictionary for any of the cast members of our favorite show to hate.

Jhonni Blaze apparently loves herself some Rich. She loves him enough to give him a half-hearted footjob in a crowded restaurant and proceed to give him some,er, knowledge in the bathroom of a busy New York restaurant. Jhonni also apparently never wears panties no matter how short her skirt is. I just hope she put some toilet paper down on the floor before she went to town – how do you explain to your doctor that you got contact germs from kneeling in the bathroom to show love to a self-described lightskinned creep?

Speaking of creeps…I have never in my life seen a bigger red flag than three men proudly referring to themselves as the Creep Squad. Can you imagine these folks strolling at the college party throwing up CreepSquad ™ signs?? Mind you the youngest one is probably Cisco and he still has to be at least a cool 32 years old. They have enough kids between them to fill an NFL team roster, but they’re discussing smashing and passing 20 years olds as if at least one of them doesn’t have a child that’s close to their age. Cisco has set his sights on our wounded bird Cyn and I just want to run into the screen and rescue her. Rich is creeping on Cisco’s ex Diamond (why is she still on the show and where is her daughter??) as if he isn’t her father’s age.

Is smashing your friend’s ex not a major bro-code violation? I know male friends don’t take things between them that seriously, but trying to go to town with some chick your homie rocked with for a few years seems like upper-echelon foul behavior.  Do CreepSquad members just get exemptions? I’m truly trying to wrap my head around how this works.

But back to Diamond… I’ve heard of a lot of devious moves committed by women and men alike to snoop on their partners – but using his fingerprint in his sleep is some straight up Ocean’s 13 shit. I am equally horrified and impressed, and immediately reset my iPhone fingerprint to be my pinky instead of my thumb so that folks have to work harder to get at my stuff. #StayWoke

Our Third Creep Squad Musketeer, Peter, is dealing with problems of his own. Upset that Amina exposed his proclivity for being in his drop top cruising the streets while he was with Tara, Peter hit poor Amina with the coldest “why you talking about old shit” that I’ve ever seen. The scenes between them felt like borderline emotional abuse – Peter went for a triple double and threatened divorce, custody, and further infidelity in the same breath. Amina may be a simple girl, but she didn’t do anything wrong – besides continuing to give Tara fodder to ride around on Her Little Pony. I still get so stuck on her reaming Amina for breaking up a family while conveniently choosing to ignore that she did the exact same thing, intentionally or not.

Peter isn’t doing himself any good either. Protip: don’t tell your wife that is so brokenhearted by your disloyalty that you’re in love with two women. And if you’re going to set an ultimatum to get your wife to get in line…maybe don’t say “it’s over with all of us”…because, who is all? You, me, and Dupree? Regardless, poor Tweety Bird finally put two and two together and let Peter know that he treats women like trash; and packed up her feelings to leave for Germany with her child – but not before taking her guitar to the Lower East Side and performing what I’m supposed to believe is a heartfelt song, but really couldn’t process past the Lauryn Hill Unplugged aesthetic.

Meanwhile Amina’s bestie Erica decided to sit down with her child to find a way to break it to him that a man he’s never met is going to encroach upon his once a month visit with his mother. (Seriously, she gave a whole roundabout explanation of him staying with her mom in Florida as if it didn’t just boil down to the fact that she doesn’t have custody of her child.) Can you imagine Bow Wow disciplining this child as a stepfather? Just grabbing the biggest stepstool to look up in the kid’s face and wag his finger as furiously as possible. I’d watch their blended family reality show spinoff – as long as Erica was kept on mute.

On the other end, Manila and Yandy seem to be having a rough go on the parenting end now that Madagascar has returned home. Yandy expects him to step up after being locked up for over a year, but Mystic is too busy picking up dopeboys on the corner of 116th and attempting to give them careers. To prove his point, Mewtwo calls Yandys team and lies about their son being en route to the hospital, because that’s apparently a reasonably petty action to put on your pregnant and stressed partner. Yandy finally has a legitimate reason to flip out, which she takes full advantage of…especially when Remy decides to stick her head in where she’s unwanted. I’ve gotta say, I’ve caped for Remy until this point – but sticking your head into a relationship dispute is just instigating, as is pretending to check for Mayflower’s well-being just to irritate his partner.

Every week, this show convinces me to continue my childless streak for a few more years. I am TOO terrified of having a CreepSquad child. How does one enter the CreepSquad? What is the application process? Do you have to be nominated by a fellow creep or is it open enrollment? Is there a CreepSquad rubric/checklist? Who is currently on the CreepSquad waiting list? I need all of this answered by next week, along with a copy of the CreepSquad application form.

And yes, I know that Chrissy did an “urban photo shoot” but I’m trying not to trigger my PTSD therefore I’m not acknowledging that as an occurrence.

Shamira Ibrahim

Shamira is a twentysomething New Yorker who likes all things Dipset. You can join her in waxing poetically about chicken, Cam'ron, and gentrification (gotta have some balance) under the influence of varying amounts of brown liquor at her semi-monthly blog, shamspam.tumblr.com

  • Peter Gunz actually tried to blame Amina “for upsetting Tara”. Um, NINJA WHAT??? Pete Gunz is at GOAT status on this creep life, he has no equal.

    • Drake Mallard

      Whoa, whoa, whoa. Lets all take a step back from the keyboard and breath for a second. We’re going to be like 2 little Fonzies here. Peter Gunz is not the first man to take advantage of two damaged woman on this show. And until he has the balls to bring them both to counseling with enough self affirmation to believe that he game the psychologist and the two women into thinking that this should be a sister wife situation, he can’t even begin to approach GOAT status.

      • Baemie St. Patrick

        STEVIE J DA GAWD!!!

    • Portia Bustamente

      Peter can’t be having fun anymore being king creep. He’s gotta be on autopilot at this point. Unzip, poke and repeat. If he used condoms he’d need his own landfill to dispose them.

    • Melissa

      Peter is the guy that bangs your coworker and then flips out and leaves you because you forgot to water his ficus while he was on vacation.

  • “They have enough kids between them to fill an NFL team roster…”

    Peter has at least on kid old enough to be on his second contract on an NFL squad or have senior weed carrier status on YMCMB.

  • Baemie St. Patrick

    MEWTEW!!!

    Amina is stupider than I thought because he threatened custody but he’s homeless!! I think they both are b/c she ups and goes to Germany, he moves out, uuuuhh….who finna pay the penalty for breaking the “lease”?? MONA?! But I would have called his bluff. But can we talk about why Tara and Amina keep having these Sisterwives debriefing sessions?! what do they accomplish???

    It’s sad that he 3 Blind Creeps can’t seem to muster up the charisma, the humor, the *coughtalentcough*, the OOMPH that one Steven Jordan has.

    • Melissa

      I just want to know how she got a damn Baby Visa so fast! Or does Germany give special asylum if you check “Fleeing A F*ck Boy” under Reason For Travel?

      • Baemie St. Patrick

        Mona is #Loominati, yo

        • Melissa

          I imagine that she spends a lot of time cackling and eating bon-bons on a terrace over looking the city, you know?! If she lets Our Lady Of Guacamole fall into the hands of Eye-Breather Diamond’s Castoff, I’ll be convinced her life is a staged reading of The Devil’s Advocate.

          • HeyBooHey

            If she lets Our Lady Of Guacamole fall into the hands of Eye-Breather Diamond’s Castoff….

            That snippet alone made me wanna die slow LOL

          • haute_coutoy

            Our Lady of Guacamole! *crine*

      • It depends on the country. Generally speaking, for an American citizen, you can go anywhere in Europe for up to 6 months with no drama. The bigger issue is getting your papers for a job.

        • Melissa

          Aha! I think it’s fair to say that the baby has the best chance of all of them of being gainfully employed, so Mona better step in!

        • HeyBooHey

          The job will be no issue, Amina would be somewhere in Munich, Berlin or wherever strumming her guitar in a town center and eating sausages just to get by until Mona throws up the bat signal for the reunion

          • Melissa

            How do you say “your song has no hook?” in German? Nein hook fraulein?

            • HeyBooHey

              Nein hook edelweiss fraulein?

        • Isn’t Amina German? If yes then the baby probably has a dual citizenship.

  • Baemie St. Patrick

    I like Cyn. I want to create a kick starter to save her.

    • Rachmo

      I’m unsure of why I want the best for her.

      • Baemie St. Patrick

        she seems like a genuinely sweet girl. She was definitely the yin to Aiwrickuh’s yang. All she needs is honesty, loyalty, and Chipotle. I’m sure she needs the check but I think she’s going to outgrow this show if she manages to stay out of Cisco’s section 8 web.

    • HeyBooHey

      Don’t save her, she don’t wanna be saved smh

      • Baemie St. Patrick

        but she’s worthy!

        • HeyBooHey

          Smh girl, just send her burrito bowl money and let her be the next contestant on Cisco’s Cycle of C*mdumpsters

          • Baemie St. Patrick

            nah mayne. I can’t let her go out like that. If we can save one, we’ve done our jobs.

  • Rachmo

    My takeaway is I am genuinely concerned for Cyn. I lover her long time and want her to find a good (wo)man to feed her Chipotle and keep her safe.

    http://media.giphy.com/media/7NbNXY0hXaBWw/giphy.gif

    • Mika

      LMAO

    • Melissa

      Now I have to…

  • cryssi

    Chrissy’a denial photo shoot was both equally disturbing and hilarious. I’ve literally never seen anything like it. My face was in a permanent “are you serious?” mode.

    • Baemie St. Patrick

      I’m convinced that someone threatened to sue Mona for a lack of diversity on the show. Chrissy’s past as a basement madame is more interesting than anything she has going on right now.

    • KB

      After seeing Chrissy in that getup for the shoot I went into a state of extended flaccidity.

    • haute_coutoy

      The equivalent of watching a train wreck. One eye open, one closed. Man I was so happy when that scene was over. I was not happy to find out that we’re going to revisit next week. :(

  • I attempted to hunt down Chrissy’s “photoshoot” because #ScrewfaceGang and it’s in a publication called i’adore magazine, unfortunately the last thing they posted to their website is a photo of a young lady perched ass over teakettle back in 2013

  • always right

    “Is smashing your friend’s ex not a major bro-code violation?”–To answer your question, yes it is under normal circumstances, a violation. However, when you are a self-proclaimed member of something called the “Creep Squad” you understand that there are no codes, rules, or guidelines. Anything and everything goes. Cisco, as witnessed to his reaction to Rich telling him that he has already slept with Diamond, is a baby member, and perhaps not well versed on the fact that anything goes.

    • Word. When you’re at the levels of n*gg*rdom that they’re at, I’m not sure Bro Code violations register. The CreepSquad™ is like The Matrix for real, dodging bullets with bullet time and all that. Like I want to mandate that they get skin bleach. ICK!

    • Baemie St. Patrick

      and Cisco gave him the green light like he almost dared him to. You can tell these ninjas are not real frans outside of scripting.

      • Mika

        and then tried to come at him next episode, like that aint right son.

    • You’re probably destined to be in violation of the bro code, simply by being on a reality TV show.

    • PunchDrunkLove

      And if you live by no code (i.e. creep squad), you should expect for codes to apply reciprocally. No reason to trip over a dude smashing the chick you treat as trash. Fickle

      I had a post that disappeared….strange

  • KB

    The moment when Peter, Cisco, and Rich all raised their glasses in a toast to #creepsquad set the light skinned brotha delegation back about 50 steps. All of the progress made by Prince and Drake was destroyed by one simple action of light skinned ninja f***ry.

    As for Rich and Cisco, two things:

    1. Rich asking Cisco if he could take diamond to the backseat of his ride (she doesn’t get buss down indoors remember) was violation #1 of the ‘bro-code’, buuuuttttt

    2. Cisco agreed to it so all bets are off, especially amongst ninjas of the so called “creep squad.” This band of thieves knows no honor.

    • Nicholas Peters

      We always win…I could say the same about R Kelly and Stevie J

  • Gee…a dude sloppy enough to end up on reality TV violating Bro Code? I’m shocked, SHOCKED THAT THIS IS GOING ON! *gets slipped my royalty check by Mona Scott-Young* Shocked I say! Like this is par for the course. They’re running around calling themselves CreepSquad™, knocking up multiple chicks without taking care of them and not even managing their women properly. That they’re violating Bro Code is actually low on their list of sins. I know that’s scary, but it’s the truth.

    In terms of what Erica is doing to their child…lemme find out my ex is doing some bullsh*t like that, and that child wouldn’t darken her doorstep ever again. Really? You can’t keep your pants on during visitation? I know a VSS told me behind the scenes that my life situation is unusual, that women are normally the ones to take the lead in raising their child and that I’m paranoid for thinking different. Then LHHNY offers a vivid counterpoint.

    Why must they make baby Jesus cry?

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