Hey…y’all notice its like the Miles and Milan storyline…then the rest of the storylines? Like their storylines never intersect with other castfolks?
No? Just me?
Anyway, so last week, Amber found out that the love of her life has another life to live of his own. She lost her shit. She rolled around on sidewalk. She talked to her grandma. She’s basically done. Enter this week, where Amber who has been hurt is not angry at being lied to and with her sisters, puts Miles on speakerphone to ask him – assholishly – about Milan.
I hate when folks do that shit she did. Like, they are hurt so they decide to play the mean “fuck you, you gon’ tell me what I want to know or I’m gonna burn your house down” role? You want answers? Cool. You want to know the truth? Also cool. What is the point of being mean about it? Miles came clean with the most significant news of his life. I’m not saying cut him slack for not being honest with their situation; I am saying to stop pretending like you don’t understand Amber.
Then again, she probably doesn’t. Have you heard her talk? Why does she sound…special? Even when she’s talking to her family she sounds like she’s reading scripted cue cards in the dryest way possible. I have no idea what Miles saw in her. She’s odd looking and doesn’t talk good. In fact, she talks just like “don’t talk good” sounds. She is the “talk good” of human existence. I mean, between her and Milan I kind of understand why Miles decided to get on team Milan. Which is not about Milan, but about her. You know what? This entire paragraph is going in a direction I’m not happy about. Let’s just move on.
Miles says he’s been dating Milan and Amber decides she’s going to have to see him to get some answers. You know what that means? Girl fight.
Speaking of girlfight, heavyweight contender Teairra Marie and lighweight contender Hazel E are back being cool which is nice because Hazel needs a friend. Apparently she was out in Dubai, booked to perform that one song nobody’s ever heard, and went out into the desert on an ATV and caught the fade, mushing her face into something that turned catastrophic real fast. She had to be flown back to America for emergency plastic surgery to restore her nose. And because this is LHH, the haters were apparently saying she lied about being in an accident and was using it as a cover up for the plastic surgery she got on her nose. Which, if she did, she’s like the chick who has an A-cup and gets a boob job to go to an A+ cup. Either way, Hazel has to get her face back together and she’s sad that this is a thing, which I’m sad about too because they’re really trying to stretch the necessity to have her on the show. I’m not saying Mona Scott-Young manipulated her ATV, but I’m not saying she didn’t either. Shit, she’s paying Hazel-E for something…YOU GON’ FIND A REASON TO BE HERE HAZEL.
Moving onto another of my least favorite people of all times, it turns out that The Tiny Insanity herself is part of a rap group called Queens that is signed to Nick Cannon’s NCredible Records label. Because of course she is. Apparently her rep outside of the studio is just as destructive INSIDE as Nick is pretty much like, “your shit is on hold because nobody wants to work with you because you’re the most difficult person on the planet and your last resort is your husband, who you’re lucky is on this show further creating a reason for you to have a storyline as we try to leverage vh1 for some coverage for my label that nobody knows I have.” Hubby, Max Lux, seems hesitant to work with his wife – for good reason, he knows her – but then again, if he doesn’t work with her nobody will and I’m guessing she’s been short on the light bill lately. So he agrees to do it, which FORESHADOWING we all know is going to be a disaster.
Brand is trash.
Max says so.
Brandi is mad.
Just joking. She didn’t hulk smash anything. But she’s really pissed that he’s not encouraging of her while she’s in the booth but he IS encouraging of the other chick in the group, Milli Moto, who apparently is One Take Tony out this bitch. So she’s in her feels, and Max is like, fuck yo’ fort cuhz! Take these notes and criticisms and do better. Which, let’s be real, this is why husband and wife duos are hard to work out. Jay and Bey bring TOTALLY different things to the table; also, Bey is better on every single song that they’re on together. Jay doesn’t care, they’re counting stacks of money together while lighting cigars, fires, and Blue Ivy’s birthday candles with Benjamins. Max and Brandi? Not so much. Also, she sucks. There’s that. Like, you nor I are ever going to be on the look out for that new Queens album. Even Nick Cannon isn’t on the lookout for it, and he owns it. He had on some nice shoes though. Nick Cannon that is.
Then we get to the meat of this episode. Nobody likes “Player Fizz”, which sounds more like a bad pimp name out of Oakland than former boybander from a group that included dudes named Omarion, J-Boog, and Raz-B. But “Father Fizz” is a winner. We all appreciate and respect how much of a good father Fizz has has been to his son Kam because his ex, Moniece, is apparently a terrible mother everywhere except Instagram. Fizz is lamenting how he has Kam during the week and Moniece is supposed to get him during the weekends, but she’s flaked on Kam, three weekends in a row and its pissing him off…as it should. I don’t care what you have going on in your life, flaking on the kids is not the wave.
Anyway, Fizz talks to Omari about the fact that its hard for him to do certain things because he always has Kam, especially on those times when Moniece is supposed to and that he needs help. Let’s pause for a minute: this is why I like Fizz, the father. He’s very real about where he stands in relation to his son. He wants to do the right thing. Wants his son to have a relationship with his mother. He’s doing his level best, and he’s not afraid to say that he needs help, which is a real thing. Kids require a lot of work, and I imagine when you’re in the entertainment business, the ability to do appearances and shows – I mean we know he ain’t doing shows – but make events is important. So Fizz decides if he can’t get help from Moniece, who doesn’t answer the phone, he’ll try to get it from her family.
He meets up at a restaurant with Marla, who is clearly no advocate of Moniece. Backtrack for a moment. Marla and Richie D meet up for lunch somewhere for a do-over of sorts where Marla says something to the tune of being protective of Moniece but also protective BECAUSE of Moniece. I can’t remember the exact quote. But Marla hips Rich to why Moniece doesn’t have custody of Kam, a story that doesn’t jive with what Mo has told him. Because the rest of us watch the show, and apparently Rich doesn’t, we know that Fizz’s story is probably more accurate than not. And Marla recounts that Moniece’s anger basically got her locked up and handed custody over to Fizz, who has not gone to court to file for full custody, hoping that he can maintain a cordial dealing with Moniece and that their son won’t have to suffer.
Back to the Fizz and Marla lunch, where Fizz asks for help (not money, but time) and Marla is like we’re doing what we can and giving all we have to give, which is odd to me. Then again, this whole storyline is odd so whatevs. Marla, in an odd decision, accuses Fizz and Mo of not knowing what its like to be hardcore parents, which rightly pisses Fizz off, because he’s there. All the time. He’s the parent. And he’s further pissed that Marla is like, “fuck Mo” basically…take that nigga to the cleaners, Fizz. Make her pay you and hire a nanny. Fizz is decidedly non-plussed about this because at this moment, he realizes, Moniece may be fucked up, but she got it honest. Fizz sheds tears. Fizz is also an ugly crier.
Page turn to Fizz meeting Moniece at the studio where he is like, look, where have you been? Your son needs you. I talked to your mom. And of course Mo gets pissed about this because she feels like they are teaming up against her and he’s like, #ornah. You’ve been out here thinking I’m the problem and it turns out that I’m the only one seems to have your back. He could be a much worse dude than he is but he’s trying, on her behalf, to help her have the relationship with her son in real life that she has on Instagram. They both cry. It was an actual touching moment. Fizz for President.
And the episode ends with Amber going to the studio looking like a blue USB flash drive to confront Milan who is laying down vocals to another song nobody will ever hear.
Next week? Moniece confronts her mama and Milan and Amber fight over a man who only wants one of them.