Love & Hip Hop Hollywood Ep. 9 Recap » VSB

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Love & Hip Hop Hollywood Ep. 9 Recap

Omarion (Frazer Harrison/Getty Images)

 

Another day, another hour of my time Mona Scott-Young has taken from me that I can’t get back. The fact that I willingly hand it over is beside the point. This past Monday’s shenanigans involved the whole cast and crew and dare I say that there was a bit of common sense involved?

I dared to say it.

So let’s start with the couple I love to hate. Amanda is pissed that she met up with Moniece and caught a two-piece from her so she goes to tell Fizz to check his *CENSORED*. Which Fizz, in his infinite wisdom, agrees to talk to Mo’ but in more wisdom – infinity and shit – is like “bish whet? Why’d you go there in the first place? You know she’s nuts. You ask for a beatdown she’ll oblige. What did you say to her?”

Amanda is like, “it doesn’t matter what I said” which is not true. See, we all saw the shenanigans. Amanda was all jabs. She hit Moniece with a right left, right left you toothless. But after Moniece dropped them 5th ward beans on her, Amanda was like, “Gotdamn you’re ruthless!” Point is, Fizz is right to imply that Amanda pretty much had that shit coming. You walk into the lion’s den, then talk shit about the lions telling them that the hyenas are really running this rap shit, don’t be surprised when that lion goes lion on your ass. Moniece went lion. Amanda somehow doesn’t see how its her fault. She should watch more Animal Kingdom.

Moniece and Fizz meet up and amazingly, Moniece comes with a surprising amount of sense in regards to their son. Fizz feels that because their son is with him that what he chooses to do is none of her concern because he is always acting in the best interest of his son. Which may be true, but the mother does have a right to know who is around her kid. I do believe this. Of course, because Moniece is Moniece, she is not a disciple of Dr. Martin Luther tha King, Jr or Henry David Thoreau, so non-violence isn’t really her cup of tea. She isn’t even a “by any means necessary” chick. Moniece is more like Hulk Smash. She’s Davida Banner. You take her there, the ensuing mayhem is your fault. Awwww, bae, how I love thee.

Moving along to my man Ray J. So he’s got his sentencing looming for acting a damn fool and seems to actually, like legitimately, feel bad about the fuckshit he has wrought. I’d call this growth, but it’s Ray J we’re talking about. Growth has a shelf-life with him. He, Berg, and Sincere are out for drinks and Berg lets him know that he’s been working with Teairra but has neither fried nor fertilized her eggs. Ray goes comedian on that ass when talking about how Teairra put them paws on Sincere AND THEY AIN’T EVEN DATING! He told y’all she was violent. Y’ALL MUSTA FORGOT!

He also comedically lets us know, that “Cool, Berg…go on ahead and give Teairra a hit. But just know that she’s gon’ hit you if it doesn’t work out.” That Ray, what a card. Turns out he gets three years probation, 100 hours of community service, and has to undertake anger management. In a somewhat touching moment with his father, he’s expressing how bad he feels and you can see he wants to cry. He probably cried in the car. But he was contrite and his father let him know that there’s a war goin’ on inside that Ray ain’t safe from. He could run but he couldn’t hide forever. And he also let’s Ray know that Teairra wasn’t wrong for feeling how she feels, especially if Ray admits to being petty. Also, Ray has been downplaying his situation with Teairra, but Berg and Sincere laughed that off and she still calls his mother? Ray’s fugazi as that “Novado” watch I had in college. The one with the glass chips that ticked. It was fly though.

Anyway, looks like Ray is gonna give T-Murda that apology she is looking for. By the way, I did that before, you know, apologized for being a douche after the fact. THEN I was a douche again. Let me tell you something, I have very few regrets in life, definitely under 5…but two of them involve one person. And one of them is being exactly who she thought I was AFTER I tried to pretend I wasn’t. I’ve grown since then, but I’m still mad at myself.

Le sighs.

But not as mad as I am that Masika and Nikki still get screen time. When we last left our synthetic dolls, Nikki saw the unveiling of Masika’s billboard to promote a new Las Vegas stripclub. Well, Nikki and Masika get into it (because of course they do) with Nikki threatening to have her removed from the campaign, something her mother pointed out is not going to happen. It’s amazing how two women who got played by the same dude can’t realize that they hate each other over a man who screwed them both over. It ain’t even about him anymore, its about their pride, power, and being a bad ass mudda who don’t take on crap off of nobody…oh, and leverage. Women love them some leverage.

Hazel comes and looks dumb as hell again. She’s mad about Berg and Masika ki-ki-ing it up. Nobody cares. But since she’s sticking her nose where nobody wants it, Masika lets T-Murda know how much shit Hazel has been talking. Somehow, someway Teairra feels like a woman she has clowned relentlessly should respect her enough to not talk about her? #wheredeydodatat

We find out that Nikki’s mother has come across some mugshots of Masika. Nikki is plotting. Teairra shows amazingly good and bad judgment at the same damn time and brings Nikki and Masika together to talk and hopefully hash shit out and plays referee – and pretty well a few times – but neither of them are interested in clearing the air. Nikki is all like, “bitch youse a felon” and Masika is like, “uh huh, okay, what’s up? Shut up.” Masika got popped as juvenile for shop lifting and basically being a broke teenager. Who hasn’t shoplifted a time or two before? Did I just snitch on myself? #stopsnitching
Anyway, they part ways cuz good. I feel like the Nikki phase out should start happening right about now. She has no more value. None.

Soulja Boy and Nia are shopping for sunglasses and he tells her that they need to ease up on her moving in. She gets in her feelings. Then he explains why. He’s going on tour to Brazil for two weeks and there won’t be any security available for her at his house and he doesn’t feel that its safe. She’s all like, “I knew he’d pull something…” Meanwhile, I’m scratching my head like…wait, he’s making sense. He sounds reasonable. Maybe he’s pulled, the “I ain’t got no security so you can’t sit with us” card before or something. Yo no se. Then he’s like, I think we should fall back on you moving in and let’s get a new place together. I’m sorry, Nia, but Soulja Boy is sounding like a man who gives a shit. He even said Mr. Riley got him a lil shook. Maybe he’s turning a corner (previews for next imply that he is not turning a corner).

Lastly, Apryl and Omarion’s son is born on this show. We also find out Apryl’s backstory. So she’s half Taiwanese and presumably half Black with a pappy who spent considerable time in prison. These chicks on these shows prove that pretty women can definitely overcome obstacles and make it to VH1. But we learn she’s got a lot of issues from her past with her mother, how she was raised, not getting any love, being kept from knowing her family, etc. THAT has all the makings of being interesting. Her mother’s name is Chachi by the way. I got nothing to add there, I’m just sharing.

Cute baby. Awwwwwww.

Next week, Apryl and her mother get into it. Ray and Morgan get into it. More shit happens.

Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly (and gorgeous) for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. He refuses to eat cocaine chicken. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future. You can hit him on his hitter at panamadjackson@gmail.com.

  • Elowwole

    I don’t watch this show. Have no intentions to. But I follow your recaps faithfully.

    What does that say about me?

    • AlwaysCC

      the same thing it says about me. i do the same thing lol

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      I don’t watch it neither, but this nig types like he thinks he can replace a TV screen. I endorse these actions.

      • panamajackson

        That made me laugh.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          That was all for you P.

    • b sweet

      No bullsh!t. I have literally watched 2 episodes on the strength of PJ’s comments.

    • Asiyah

      I’d rather read the recaps than watch the show lol

  • Pinks

    I’m over Hazel’s butthurt behind and her Toucan Sam nose not knowing when to let Berg go. No one cares, least of all Berg, how much you think you held him down (whatever the flick that means), and clearly Masika was a snake from the beginning. Nikki needs to take the sum of her bought parts somewhere and just go SADDOWN, because she reveals herself to be dumber and dumber as the season goes on. You got in an accident? So that made you inflate every inch of your body with silicone? Try again, ma.

    Apryl is the most likeable woman on this show. She was so cute with the contractions and I could really relate to her pain about not feeling close to her mom. I wasn’t hugged, kissed, held close or told I was loved much as a kid, so I now find it difficult to express emotion or accept physical touch without being a little skeeved out.

    Also, Soulja and Nia need to just be written off the show. Between her strong ass jawline and that dumb ass bun she likes wearing in the top/middle of her head, I find myself forwarding past all their scenes.

    • camilleblu

      the shade in your comment was flawless…

      • Pinks

        haha thanks..i live for this kind of messy ish. which doesn’t make me much better than these trollops, but hey..i ain’t on TV

    • Rachmo

      “I’m over Hazel’s butthurt behind and her Toucan Sam nose not knowing when to let Berg go.” WELP

  • nillalatte

    I tried to watch this show last week, just so I could participate in these antics. I couldn’t! I was like, I don’t get the appeal of shows like this. How do you guys tolerate some of the behavior? I give up. Reality shows are far less appealing than reality. :)

  • b sweet

    That natural birthing scene was literally the most beautiful thing I’ve seen. I love their chemistry, connection, and mutual engagement with bringing their son into the world. The love appeared to be bigger than the pain. I’ve never seen anything like that before. I haven’t seen the full season, only the last 2 episodes, but dare I say I love their love?
    I love Omarion’s beard.

    • Definitely the most beautiful thing that has aired by the works of Mona. I’m sure we won’t ever see another as positive on LHH anytime soon, unfortunately.

    • panamajackson

      Yeah, that was actually really nice and well done. Omarion definitely has gained some fans off the strength of this show.

    • PhlyyPhree

      That scene made me want to go and have another child just so I could recreate that moment…
      …then I realized this was scripted TV and I doubt that would happen for me, so NOAP.
      But it was really beautiful. That one scene redeemed at least half of the BS I’ve watched over the past 8 weeks

  • writelaughdream

    I’m convinced Teairra Mari never had a career because no one could spell her name. But anyway. Yes plenty of shenanigans but the birthing scene was definitely redeeming. Like 12% redeeming.

  • Shay-d-Lady

    LMAO @novado watch. i have no more to add

    • IcePrincess

      Lookin pretty!!

  • LJK

    Side note: As much as people talk about Hazel’s nose, I’m kinda happy that she accepts it as is. I’m kinda hoping that she gets a nose ring.

  • Hostile Negress

    Not much to add here beyond this: Apryl’s moms. Wow. She came up on the rough side of the mountain from the looks of it.

    I’m probably alone here – and lord knows I was alone in my friend circle – but I kinda feel like when your moms has CLEARLY had some drug problems, you gotta ease up on the “why didn’t you teach me how to ride my bike in 1991?” type shit. This sista was just trying to stay alive! That doesn’t negate Apryl’s feelings, and I could never understand what it’s like to have a moms who was druggin’/hoein’/mulin’ or whatever the hell got her lookin’ like that, but still: Can you really have expectations of someone who’s way down in the jungle deep, livin’ hard has HAYLE? I don’t know the backstory, but “sent us to live with…” is usually code for “she was on that stuff”. It just seems unfair to me to take someone to task about how they weren’t there for you in that state – hell, they weren’t there for they DAMN self! I say forgive and start fixing that relationship from today forward, or leave them alone. You don’t get to guilt them about old shit.

    Hell, she looks like she’s on “All I gotta do is stay black and die” status (except replace black with asian…yellow?)

  • The Black Educator

    “pretty women can definitely overcome obstacles and make it to VH1” you ain’t even right for that one, Panama.

  • uniquebeauty79

    I fucking love your recaps!!! I watch the actual show and still have to come on here and read this!

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