Love & Hip Hop Atlanta, Season 5, Episode 7 Recap » VSB

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Love & Hip Hop Atlanta, Season 5, Episode 7 Recap

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The saying goes that all good things must come to an end – fake lesbian relationships, faker hetero marriages, 20/20 vision, etc. Mona Scott managed to bring an end to all of the above and then some with the latest episode of Love and Script Hip Hop Atlanta Season 5. The most recent installment of “As The Ancestors Weep” brought talk of the end of Stevie J. and Joseline’s *air quotes* marriage, yet another ashy sex scene care of Karlie Redd and Scrapp “White Jaysus Be A Cholesterol Pack” DeLeon and most importantly, the end of Mimi and Stud Bae.

I tip my 40 to your memrrrrraaaaay!

When last we left off, Tommie had merked out on some bih, snarling and waving her hands and promising to put the paws on when she really needs to be improving her mugshot game. In other words, a normal Tuesday. This week finds her meeting up with Karlie Redd to engage in Karlie’s second favorite hobby (first one rhymes with plucking rick?) spreadin’ miscellaneous rumors in hopes of causing a ruckus. Tommie takes Karlie to task for causing tension with Joseline by telling her she was talking shit about her. Or some shit. It’s all so trifling and confusing. It ends with Tommie saying she doesn’t want to know anything from Karlie Redd ever, no more.

Karlie’s like “O’rlly!” and keeps that in mind a few scenes later when she invites Scrapp, nee Trouble Edges, to her “shop” where she happens to be alone, and happens to be dressed like a bondage cheerleader and happens to start talking about business – which happens to be code for giving you quivering lips and bow chicka wow wow eyes. Not one to pass up ho shit, Scrapp lays a juicy one on her lips. And THAT, ladies in gentlemen, is how I temporarily lost sight in my left eye. Anyhow, Karlie returns said smooch and end scene – we’re left to wonder what happened. The answer comes when Karlie meets with her talkin’ a lot and saying nothing understudy, Jessica Dyme for drinks and not a damn thing.

Dyme walks up on Karlie giggling and eyeballing pics of her and Scrapp, and immediately gets tea about the sitch. Karlie explains Scrapp didn’t claim Tommie, and she has a ratchet itch so why not scratch it. Dyme warns her of a potential run in with Tommie – but word on the ATL skreets is for all that talk, Tommie’s handles are about equal to her level of chill. That’s to say, she has zero of either. But that’s none of my bidness. Dyme spills her own tea that she has been facetimin’ with Lil Scrappy, to which Karlie astutely responds that she needs to leave Scrappy with “Yung” Joc – in the trap, where the latter said it’s going down. I done die – bih that was so wrong it was RIGHT!

But no shade, Dyme ain’t got nere TYPE of storyline this season. You only have 82 more episodes left to do that Raggedy Ann weave proud girl. Respond accordingly!

Joseline and Stevie J. are going through it yall. I know – if they can’t make it, is there hope for any of us??? Joseline is choppin’ it up with Dawn the bestie/villain/bestie when Stevie J. walks in. Hole up – ain’t this the same bih who said I was a junkie and that my musical relevance was as real as Lebron’s hairline, pre-man weave? Yes it is, she still feels that way, and why are you here? All three get into a tiff that ends with Stevie J. storming out. Joseline confides in Dawn that the marriage is on the rocks. You don’t say! She’s frustrated and decides to deal with it the way any of us would – she goes to see K. Michelle! Joseline arrives at K Michelle’s eight-bedroom home to find the woman of the hour outside, wildly bouncing on a trampoline, because: crazy. Only she’s not crazy damnit, and she’s back in Atlanta to prove it, K Michelle says, just before announcing plans to invite all of her enemies to a song premiere party.  This is definitely NOT what a crazy person would do. Did I mention she had Grace Jones eyes when she’s saying all of this? You know exactly what I mean.

Later, none other than Karlie hands out invitations to each of the ladies of LAHHATL at a birthday celebration at random soon-to-close Atlanta club no. 421. Who will come? Well it won’t be Dyme, who tears the invitation up, before promptly heading to another part of the club for foolish drama with Bambi. Le Bam is on a date with Thug Bro. Dyme eagerly let’s it slip that Lil Scrappy has been calling her. Moments later, Dyme starts cutting up, basically over Le Bam saying she don’t give a fug what Scrappy does with his thick neck in his free time. The scene ends with Le Bam and Thug Bro leaving in a huff, while Dyme exclaims that “your man was looking at my ass!” Perhaps, but when you have an ass that looks like a sack of rusty doorknobs, people are gonna look honey.

But it’s time to get serious y’all. We’re about to deal with some heavy emotions. We know this because Mimi is speaking in a whispery voice. Mimi and Stud Bae are at a crossroads. Stevie J. has asked if he can crash for a few nights to avoid the stress at his house. He just needs a warm place to put his paynus head um, a warm place to get some sleep. Mimi needs to clear this with Stud Bae – who somehow flips this into a conversation about her getting between Mimi and her family. Huh bih? How we go from a “yes, he can stay/no, and bih I will choke you” question to, “We might don’t make it?” I mean, granted, it’s all foolishness and clearly we’ve been set up for a Stevie J./Mimi reunion for over a year now, but that shit escalated quickly. A little too quickly if you ask me – I say Stud Bae was ready to hit the escape hatch. Stud Bae rolls out without so much as a hug, her Sideshow Bob curls blowing gently in the breeze.

Will she be back?

We’ll see next week – same skank time, same skank channel. See you then!

Dhiraj Naseen

Dhiraj Naseen aka The Hostile Negress is a renowned ratchetologist and celebrated advocate of foolishment. An aspiring spinster, her hobbies include judging, not minding her business and yoga. Her spirit animal is an octopus, because she says so.

  • IwanttobeaRizpah

    This too much.

  • Courtney Wheeler

    Yesterday I had a conniption because I didn’t see this recap….okay..not that I got my “ratchet-piece theater” recap fix…I feel normal again

    -Say what you wanna say about Grandma Redd, but her petty game is strong.

    -Dawn said some pretty ridiculous things about Joseline in the past…which I always thought “Oh yeah…drug addict?…fake marriage….DUH?” but the fact that Joseline was just like “OH WELL WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE” makes me believe that it was all probably fake…like this show.

    -I don’t think K. Michelle is happy unless she’s fussing with someone. Okay so there’s some chicks that don’t like you..so what?..most of them “wishes” they had your talent…Just live your life..and let them have pink weaves and attend to their “Stores”

    -R.I.P Stud Bae…can’t wait for the awkward makeout between Stevie J and Mimi in the future.

  • Finally!!!

  • Runthempearlshoe

    What the he ll does Karlie look like in that picture?

    • Courtney Wheeler

      She’s photo shopped to hell..which is ashame because she’s a pretty girl.

      • I just want to know how old Karli is… She is too old to be pulling these h o antics…

        • Courtney Wheeler

          I’m thinking 41…38 if i’m being nice.

        • Other_guy13

          Old enough to get the job done apparently.

        • HouseOfBonnets

          Being that it seems to change every year I’m willing to bet between 35 – 78.

    • Guest

      Her right thigh is doing strange things in this photo.

  • NonyaB

    “as real as Lebron’s hairline, pre-man weave”

    *Screams in ratchet falsetto* Dhiraj, we gon’ need some extra security to protect you from teeth gnashers roaming the streets, hurting from how your pen murked their souls!

  • Kas

    “plucking rick” – done and finished

  • NonyaB

    “as real as Lebron’s hairline, pre-man weave”? _
    *Screams in ratchet falsetto* Dhiraj, we gon’ need some extra security to protect you from teeth gnashers roaming the streets, hurting from how your pen murked their souls!

  • Dee Squared

    “Not one to pass up ho s yit, Scrapp lays a juicy one on her lips. And THAT, ladies in gentlemen, is how I temporarily lost sight in my left eye.”

    Dhiraj..my lady…you are a fool for that one! ***in my best Hov voice***

    Was anyone else bothered by the sight of K. Michelle in those shorts?

    Me and hubby have decided that we are no longer here for LHHATL. We are now a Black Ink family! ***drops mic and returns to work***

    • Kas

      I don’t watch, just read the recaps here.

      • Dee Squared

        Good! Keep your brain cells. You can’t get that time back…
        I think Dhiraj should start submitting scripts to Mona…help is needed in the ATL!

        • Other_guy13

          No…that is NOT Atl….I’m here in these streets…they a$$ need to move back to Gwinnett where they came from.

          • bwaahahahaha not Gwinnett County. thats tough

        • Kas

          Never a good thing when the recap is 10x better than the actual show.

        • Amber

          I tried to watch because of the recaps but i quickly noticed that the recaps are better than the actual episodes.

      • Other_guy13

        Ditto…sounds like too much going on for me to even comprehend what I saw…I mean…she did go blind in one eye…I learn from others mistakes.

      • HouseOfBonnets

        I’ve tapped out of this season extremely early…. I think I was over it by the second episode. I’ll probably still look at Hollywood and I will probably check out Miami (because trick daddy and Trina?!? Why wouldn’t I? ) but Mona isn’t even trying anymore.

        • I mean they are dredging the bottom of life for these mfers.

      • OSHH

        Me neither and can barely make it through the recaps, even out of boredom…

    • Courtney Wheeler

      Do you actually like the tattoos they do on Black Ink?

      • Dee Squared

        Tattoos?? They do tats on that show??

        Nah, at least the bull ish is more relatable. We all have friend/associate that travels with you to Miami, so that they can help you recover from your bootie lift & boob job, but forgets to pay for their portion of the hotel bill… As a matter of fact, they leave while u are at the follow up apt.

        Donna didn’t expect that right cross the moment she walked into the shop???

        • Courtney Wheeler

          That’s an episode? Wow.

          also..these people need to invest in Venmo.

          • Dee Squared

            or square cash…
            but yes, that’s an episode!

        • Uniquely Blushed

          I’m actually with Donna on this one. I’m not paying to take care of you. But they should have ironed all of that out before the trip.

        • Melissa

          You just talked me into watching. I’m going to have to start doing a real thorough background check on my friends/associates.

          https://media.riffsy.com/images/5666c40d3de35b321fc8f4f8231cef25/raw

      • there tattoo work is the pits. except maybe dutchess. I saw something old ish did, and it was super basic. It’s sad because I feel like this is the representation of blk tattoo artists on tv?>

        • Courtney Wheeler

          Darn..that sucks. When I get tattoos I always try to look out for a black tattoo artist but alas a lot of the stuff I would see was super basic. Maybe I’m not searching hard enough :(

        • DiamondIsMyRealName

          I hate all their work! lol Except Melonie now. If i’m going to say I got a Black Ink tat… it will be by the Chicago crew!

    • Girl, We watch both!!!

      • Dee Squared

        Gurrrl, I’m sooo guilty about it!! I say I won’t watch, but I’ll be waiting like a crack head for Dhiraj’s recap next week, so that I can add my 3cents…
        ***My name is Dee Squared & I’m a foolery addict…***

    • PDL – Cape Girl

      “Was anyone else bothered by the sight of K. Michelle in those shorts?”

      No lie, I hit RR, mostly because I wasn’t sure I saw that.

      • Dee Squared

        It was seen and officially in my grey matter…Oh how I wish I was doing ANYTHING else at that moment!

    • Uniquely Blushed

      Black Ink Crew is my show!! That’s enough Ratchet for me.

    • ??Jessica??

      I feel like i reeeeaaaalllllyyyy need to check out Black Ink Crew, i keep seeing it being mentioned everywhere

  • Other_guy13

    “As The Ancestors Weep”…I approve this title

    • Gbadebo

      I read to that to that line….and I didn’t even go any further. That’s everything I needed.

      • Aprildredden4

        “my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet $98/hr”…..!ti336urtwo days ago grey MacLaren. P1 I bought after earning 18,512 Dollars..it was my previous month’s payout..just a little over.17k Dollars Last month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it’s realy the simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now making over hourly. 87 Dollars…Learn. More right Here !ti336u:?:?:.?.?.?.? http://GlobalSuperJobsReportsEmploymentsGoodGetPay-Hour$98…. .????????????????????????????????????????????????????::::::!ti336u….,…

        • Gbadebo

          That math doesn’t look quite right Nessa….

  • Can we talk about Karlie throwing Lyfe’s penile game under the MARTA?
    I DIED.
    She sonned the S H I T outta him… and with a negro that does not believe in Carmex or Argan Oil…

    And K.Michelle and The Puerto Rican Princess had a thing?

    Shenellica just goes through the A eating boxes and shyt?

    I have questions.

    Tommie is growing on me..kinda. She just wants to be somebody and be loved….
    Bye Dawn.

    • Dee Squared

      When Tommie spit at Dawn during the viewing party… I officially left and could no longer support Tommie and her mug shot game!
      Um…I got nothing…

      • Oh I would’ve fucked her up but her weave game has greatly improved so she gets a pass. lol

        • Dee Squared

          LOL.. I knew I liked you!

        • The Hostile Negress

          Ok I thought I imagined the weave upgrade!

    • IwanttobeaRizpah

      Who is Lyfe? What did his dyck do or not do?

      • Lyfe Jennings the singer.. this comment is a testament of hours relevance.. lol

        Shaaaaaady.

    • NonyaB

      Lawdt! I don’t watch the show but even I’m too scared to hear what the answers to these questions might be!

    • The Hostile Negress

      You know, my homey pointed out Scrapps moisture deficiency this week and I must admit I hadn’t even gotten into it before!

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