Love & Hip Hop Atlanta Season 5, Episode 3 Recap » VSB

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Love & Hip Hop Atlanta Season 5, Episode 3 Recap

Even a broken clock is right twice a day. And even our favorite bogus “reality” show accidentally touches the truth once in a while, as Love and Hip Hop Atlanta Season 5 proved Monday night with an episode brought to us by the letter #frfr. This week’s journey into black shame shed light on some of the most pressing questions of our time – namely, who believes Scrappy can launch their modeling career and how does Tammy have all these fucks to give about her husband’s reputation when nig ain’t even in rotation at the skating rink? (Answers: Nobody and priorities effed up.)

Still no answer to when the Dominicans will finally defeat the terrorism that is Scrapp’s despondent “hair,” but one day at a time.

This week’s minstrel  episode opens with Tammy in mid-yool on Betty Idol, whose brawl game is apparently about as tight as her weave – which is to say not very, evidenced as an indignant Betty shrieks “She pulled out my hair!” before speeding away in a minivan. Better she yank your hair than your tuck girl! (Disclaimer: As sitting Team Lesbun VP of Oral Affairs, I’m not shading The Kids. However, Betty Idol wears me, so I’ll be coming for her female illusion steez weekly.)  D. Smith sat over there lookin’ all oblong-faced  and confused the entire time Tammy was playing bobaloo on that child’s head – a detail that eludes Mrs. Waka, who initially remains intent on getting Grace ‘Mones to model her imaginary fashions.

Enter Waka Flocka “Why Am I Here Again” Flame, who interrupts Tammy’s retelling of the Idol Incident with a frank question: Why would anybody spend their free time talking about people who don’t matter? #Truth. But no shade,  you’re challenging the entire premise of the show so hush up before your check evaporates like your record deal. Tammy makes plans to invite D. Smith to her Black Men’s Magazine cover release party  to prove how classy she and her husband truly are (you go girl – that’s EXACTLY how Jackie Kennedy did it!) but the effort blows up in her face when Smith skips the cover reveal (missing out on Deb Antney’s truly spectacular Willona Woods Collection reversible wig) and shows up to a post-party coffee tawk just long enough to tell Tammy she doesn’t need her or her Rainbow Couture fashion. Tammy responds by telling Smith she didn’t fuck with her crooked wig too tough anyway, and walking off into the sunset. Girl, what just happened? Not sure, but Smith’s ain’t shit quotient tripled in my book.

Elsewhere in Decatur, Jessica Dime and Tiarra meet up for one of those foodless dinners that LAHHATL is so fond of. The women compare notes on the bar ambush meeting that led to bloodshed at the White Party, with Dime taking pains to clarify that she didn’t really know Tommie and them,  and was basically along for the ride. That ain’t what you said when that dark likka was pouring! It’s the ones that smoke blunts witcha…

Tiarra gets all in her feels explaining that she held Scrapp down while he was in jail and is heartbroken that he’s playin’ her. When she confidently announces that Scrapp has made plans to “fix it”, Dime warns that she should “never trust a man who says trust me.”  #Truth. Girl, you betta listen to that skrippa knowledge!  But Tiarra doesn’t. And the stage is set for another Tiarra/Tommie clash in the not too distant future.

Stevie J is back this season, continuing his reign of facial ticks and career uncertainty. In some ol’ circle-of-slutbucket-life shit, he’s positioned as Scrapp’s uncle and mentor in managing skeezas. He meets with Scrapp at a cigar bar to talk about absolutely nothing and later, checks in with Mimi, who shares the deets on her thesbian status.  Nobody cares.

Also still here is Scrappy, who pops up long enough to get cussed out by Betty Idol and ex-girlfriend Bambi. Le Bam is pissed that Idol has been beefin’ with her homegirl (?) Tammy. Idol is annoyed that Scrappy wants her to apologize to keep the peace. Scrappy ultimately severs ties with Betty, but not before Le Bam pops up at his house to confront him and ponder aloud how the hell he’s a model scout and what the hell he needs an assistant for? No shade, no read but #TRUUUUUTH!

Mona Scott’s subtle (el.oh.el.) foreboding comes to a head in the episode finale, yet another meet-n-beat between Scrapp, Sexy Brown Tiarra and Tommie, who comes pumpin’ around the corner in a high-cut, space-aged ho-robe that I suspect would be what prostitutes wore if there was a stroll on the USS Enterprise. The conversation initially seems headed in a positive direction as – in this episode’s last glorious moment of truth – both women realize Scrapp primarily wants to broker a faux peace between them to ease his own stress over a pending jail sentence and maintain a dual stream of cooch. Sadly, just when it seems like the two will finally abandon the destitute, sinking ship that is Scrapp, Tommie inexplicably shifts into her best Tony Montana impression and starts hurling snarls and assorted insults at Tiarra. Tiarra cross-table lunges, and is quickly thwarted by Mona’s paid muscle. And scene.

Ironically, since filming wrapped, Scrapp has been sentenced to 20 years, making this fight pretty pointless: In the end, there will be plenty of time for both women to put money on his books. Look at white gawd movin’!

Dhiraj Naseen

Dhiraj Naseen aka The Hostile Negress is a renowned ratchetologist and celebrated advocate of foolishment. An aspiring spinster, her hobbies include judging, not minding her business and yoga. Her spirit animal is an octopus, because she says so.

  • Ah a palette cleanser…….wait Scrappy got 20 years? For what?

    [sighs in What They Gon Do]

    • Kas

      Now I have to Google.

    • Kas

      It was more than just a little bud in the car.
      http://starcasm.net/archives/347381

      • That possession with intent to distribute, ladies and gentlemen. That LHHATL money wasn’t enough apparently.

        • Kas

          He made it sound like he had a joint in the ashtray. Yes, I watched. Don’t judge.

        • apparently…neither was old girl working 50 leven jobs…

    • uNk

      You want to know whats really bad fellow 25-30 age group holder? She referencing two different ppl and we aint know it smh. Scrappy is not Scrapp “Deleon.” Bruh I was researching for like 30 minutes before realizing this, saying that aint Scrap!! lol

      • Kas

        Scrap, Atlanta prison, brings it right up or so I hear.

  • RewindingtonMaximus

    “But no shade, you’re challenging the entire premise of the show so hush up before your check evaporates like your record deal.”

    http://s3media.247sports.com/Uploads/Assets/412/412/3412412.gif

    S.H.A.D.E of epic levels ma’am.

    • Kas

      This show is the Columbia flake version the Housewives of Atlanta. The acting is worse but the ratchet is much better. I’m a fan.

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        The ratchet is strong with this show. Potent. If it were a drug, Barack would call for a new war on drugs.

        • Joansharrington3

          “my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet 98$/hr”…..!ca617ctwo days ago grey MacLaren P1 I bought after earning 18,512 DoIIars..it was my previous month’s payout..just a little over.17k DoIIars Last month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it’s realy the simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now making over. hourly 87 DoIIars…Learn. More right Here !ca617n:?:?:???? http://GlobalSuperJobsReportsEmploymentsPerfectGetPayHourly$98…. .??:??:??:??:??:??:??:??:??:??:??:??:??:??:??:??:??:??:??:??:??:??::::::!ca617n….,.

  • Bklady

    “Tommie, who comes pumpin’ around the corner in a high-cut, space-aged ho-robe”….Tears! Do not resuscitate.

    • dmcmillian72

      The second part was just as much a gem…

      …that I suspect would be what prostitutes wore if there was a stroll on the USS Enterprise.

      Bwahhahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa! #Weak

  • brothaskeeper

    I don’t watch the show, but I do read the recaps. You never disappoint!
    But for real tho, is there a way to purge this coonery from our airwaves? I know a check is a check, and I’m certainly not one to knock the hustle, buuuuuuuuut it doesn’t appear that any of the cast members are investing their earnings in more productive endeavors (see: Scrappy, Li’l).

  • Vanity in Peril

    I’ve never watched this show but you write one helluva recap! I felt like I was there, getting a drink splashed in my face by some lady that smells like jerk wings and Pink Lustre Moisturizer.

    • Mika

      not pink lustre lmao

    • Pink Lustre…I can’t LMAO

  • That scene with Scrapp and his son’s mom and Tommie wore me out.. that cracked lip clown called them there to say, “Hold me down.. i ain’t claiming either one of yall!”

    I am proud as heII.. that ni66a would rot in jail before he EVER got ANYTHING ELSE IN LIFE FROM ME. I would disappear… and I hate that Mama. Tommie ‘s old man faced a$$ came up to her job trying to be a trouble maker… why do all that?

    Scrappy is a loser.. a straight FUKKBOY ..FA SHIZ NIGH EEUU!

    And Mimi….sitcho old a$$ down… she is the perfect example of a grown woman NOT having it together.

    • LadyIbaka

      ??!!

      Mimi is the one who is now bi-chex?

      • Kas

        We gon need a scorecard.

        • LadyIbaka

          I think so. But She is the one person who I don’t quite understand why she does what she does. At what point does one say, nah this is too far? Hanging on bathroom poles, to now this, just to have a storyline. Mona is minting, while she is just scratching. C’mon now.

      • Yes

  • KB

    I’m always here for the Bam and everything about Betty Idol irks the ever living sh*t outta me. From her voice, to her 80’s themed Breakfast at Tiffany’s outfits. But the homey Stevie J is back so shenanigans shall ensue.

    • Her Instagram will make you wanna fight her… who still rocks colored contacts that don’t look real? uuugh

      • KB

        She’d still get it, but I’d have to hit the mute button on her though.

        • Kas

          Is she anatomically a she?

          • KB

            Wait…what?

            • Kas

              Reread the recap

              • KB

                Ok so I just googled her and an article surfaced from a blog site saying that she is not transgender. Funny enough though, as soon as I typed “is Betty Idol..” into the search field, “is betty idol transgender” already auto filled the field. funny stuff.

          • yes

        • The Hostile Negress

          So speaking as someone who has been runnin’ with The Kids for 19 years, I will just say this: There is absolutely no straight woman who rides that hard with a femmequeen such as Grace ‘Mones AND acts that kitschy.

          I am convinced that any XX chromosones currently in Betty Idols’ possession were bought. With a stolen Capital One card at that.

          • Dee Squared

            …with a stolen Capital One card!

          • Dana Brass

            I’m still confused how those folks actually thought D. Smith was 100% woman. Maybe because I’m from the San Francisco Bay Area (Oakland tried and true), but REALLY? That catwalk, the face? Dead give aways.

  • MissMiamiHeatNation

    even though I actually watch the show I still love to come here for your recaps!!! It’s like you always manage to find some little thing I somehow didn’t see.

  • $$west

    Questions:

    1. How did Scrapp get 20 years? He lead me to believe that his “little situation” was indeed a “little situation”. 20 years is not little.

    2. I feel like this recap alluded to Betty Idol being transgendered. Did I read this correctly? Cause I ain’t even peep that. I feel silly.

    • Kas

      His little situation was possession with the intent to distribute

      • $$west

        But but but…. he also said he had a plea deal and if your plea deal is still getting you 20 years then either your lawyer was thrash or you was out here possessing a whole lot of something.

      • KB

        It’s easy to get charged with intent to distribute in GA. In a lot of cases if you have at least a pound on you they can charge you with intent do distribute, esp if the prosecutor is a d**k and add on extra years just because they can.

        • Kas

          If you are a Black man in a brightly colored, luxury car, with hair down to your shoulders, and jusy beat an aggravated assault case, don’t even have a pound of kleenex in the car. Just say’n.

          • KB

            You have a point.

          • Ille Jay

            Lbs. of sneeze! Sho Nuff…hilarious!

  • Dee Squared

    I can’t with you and these recaps…tew much, jus tew much..
    • Tammy…STOP! There are no fashions to be seen and I need for this story line to be over..ASAP!!
    • “…Deb Antney’s truly spectacular Willona Woods Collection reversible wig” ..that line officially gave me life and I closed my office door because I busted out laughing, while reading silently. When that scene appeared, I said…”Jesus, that wig is awful!” I thank you for confirming my thoughts!
    • Listen to Jessica Dime gurl! She dropped some jewels righ dere!
    • Clearly, Le Bam has the ‘ill nana’, cause she can show up to Scrappy’s NEW place, put his assistant out, cuss him out, take the dog she left & the dog food HE bought…all before reminding Scrappy that he ain’t SHYT and you never did nothing for me anyway….. Then HE severs ties Billy Idol! SMH

    Messy Monday’s never fail!

    • Bklady

      All I could think about upon seeing that wig was “Bye, Wig, bye”

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