- uncle marcellus only wants the best for you
in the latest round of news seemingly designed to show the entire world how much it must suck to be a black american, researchers at the insight center for community economic development released a report last week showing that the median wealth for a single black woman is five dollars.
yup. you read that correctly. five bucks
“It’s rather shocking,” said Meizhu Lui, director of the Closing the Gap Initiative based in Oakland, Calif., who contributed to the report “Lifting as We Climb: Women of Color, Wealth and America’s Future.”
“Even for those of us who have been looking at the wealth gap for a while, we were shocked and amazed at how little women of color have.”
although the story is somewhat sensationalistic —the intentionally shocking title (“study finds median wealth for single black women at $5“) paints a much bleaker picture than the actual study suggests— the results are still troubling.
even for those of us lucky enough to have degrees and decent incomes, our (and i’m saying “our” because i’m sure any study focusing on single black men would produce similar results) collective lack of wealth and appreciating assets basically ensures that any financial adversity will be accompanied by a cushion-less fall.
obviously, there are myriad political, social, racial, and economic reasons why our wealth game is stuck on “n*gga, please!”, and many of these factors are somewhat out of our control.
but, there is something completely in our control that we refuse to do, something that can help us stem the asset-less tide, something so undoubtedly advantageous and beneficial to our financial future that us not doing it borders on insanity…even if our pride tells us otherwise:
live at home
***pausing to give everyone a chance to gasp and suck their teeth after reading those three words***
you see, because most of us have had “conceive, believe, achieve, and then f*cking leave” embbeded in our heads since birth, the idea of living with your parents while grown is the complete antithesis to our (and, to be honest, many of our parents) idea of adulthood.
sh*t, i can almost imagine the “wait. there’s no way in freakin hell my masters degree ass is moving back in with my momma” face many of you are making at your monitors right now, women especially. just reading the mere suggestion that a grown-ass educated man stay at home is enough to dry more black women’s panties than maytag.
thing is, once you remove pride and the whole “living at home” stigma from the equation, you start to realize that swallowing your pride and staying with your parents for your first few working years can make much more of a positive long-term impact on you and your family’s future than you probably think.
this is where i wish i could go back in time and somehow convince marsellus wallace to give us all a pep talk when we were first thinking about leaving the crib:
“If you decide to keep living with your parents, you might feel a slight sting. That’s pride fuckin’ with you. Fuck pride! Pride only hurts, it never helps. You fight through that shit. ‘Cause four years from now, when you’re kicking it in your own crib and not some 600 square foot box you’re still wasting 1,200 bucks a month on, you gonna say to yourself, “Marcellus Wallace was right.”
seriously, though. think about how much more financially comfortable you’d be right now if you bit the bullet and stayed home for a year or two after you landed your first “real” job, and how much easier it would be to buy a house now. imagine how much more of a retirement cushion your parents would have if you were around for a couple years to help them manage their bills and expenses.
and, as much as i hate to say “white people do it” when making a point, well, generally speaking…white people do it.
there are a few reasons why most of the 28-35 year old, 35-50,000 a year white teachers, social workers, and policeman i know are homeowners with actual assets while the majority of the 50-75,000 a year advanced degreed negroes i know are currently worth less than a five dollar foot long sub, and one of them is the fact that if they (and by “they” i mean most non-black people. hispanics, asians, etc all do this as well) happen to be living in the same city as their parents, they usually don’t leave home until they’re either married, co-habitating, or able to comfortably finance a house.
i guess they all saw pulp fiction.
anyway, considering the aforementioned wealth and asset info, do you think living at home (until you’re financially ready) is a good idea, or do you think it’s still definitely a stigma-worthy and growth-stifling concept? also, would you date someone who’s made this decision?
—the champ
You won’t have too many of US moving back in with mom (and dad if he’s around). However, the other option would be to get roommates. Not just one either. I’m talking about four people in a two bedroom with Ikea room dividers!
@Ms. Smart,
Why not chill comfortably at the house, in your own bedroom, with home cooked meals, free cable, and the ability to stack more $$? I guess pride is a helluva drug!
It has grown people sleeping foot to head in an efficiency to save instead of going home 
@CoCoPuffs,
That’s called mooching, not chilling.
Somebody has to support your lifestyle. What you’re doing, and what many 2520s do, is shift that burden to your parents to make YOUR life easier.
That’s quite selfish.
@Big Man, Exactly! And frankly, many parents don’t WANT their kids mooching off of them.
@Big Man,
You got that right! We should be striving to take care of our parents in their old age, not have them support their grown arse children.
Ms. Smart is right. Be accountable for your own life and get some roommates. Stop buying the lattes and getting manicures and save your $$$.
We need to be creating a legacy of wealth.
@Ms. Smart, or should we say @Ms. Cecksist That is kind of a good idea.
@Ms. Smart,
Not just one either. I’m talking about four people in a two bedroom with Ikea room dividers!
all of the 25-35 year old arab cats i know in the burgh do this. they also all drive bmw’s.
@The Champ, “all of the 25-35 year old arab cats i know in the burgh do this. they also all drive bmw’s.”
Interesting and I bet nobody accuses them of having misplaced priorities.
@Ms. Smart, However, the other option would be to get roommates. Not just one either. I’m talking about four people in a two bedroom with Ikea room dividers!
I concur! Moving back home is not an option for most people. You can always shack up with a couple of friends and still save money…
This post came like RIGHT on time for me. I graduate in May, and I’m gonna work for Teach for America for 2 years… and I realllllly wanna move out. But everyone has told me to stay home and save my money. Now this post comes along, and it’s like the icing on the cake. Living with my mom for the win!! lol
Oh, and uhmmmm .. I can’t say I would or wouldn’t date a guy that lives at home. I suppose it’d depend on the situation. Is he my age or close, working towards his dream and a better life?? then sure. But if dude is 35 and not doing ish but living with moms? Uhm. NO.
@Selah,
A bunch of my friends were on that Teach for America tip for a good minute. Even recommended me to them and now they keep emailing me and sh*t, even after the deadline passed.
@P.,
hahaha, maybe they’re trying to get you in on the first deadline for next year?? LOL … all I know is it’s a good look for me: my few loans will be gone and i’ll be getting my credentials and my masters at the same time.
Oh, and I’ll be helping kids. I guess that should have been first, huh? lol
@Selah,
But everyone has told me to stay home and save my money
its funny: every single adult i talked to when i got my first “real” job told me the exact same thing, but i thought they didnt know what they were talking about.
@The Champ,
kinda hard-headed, weren’t ya? lol no, it is what everyone has told me… and I’m gonna listen. If for no other reason besides “I’m lazy”…. and don’t wanna make it harder on myself than it has to be. living at home? semi-easy. Just gotta deal with my mom sometimes. Living alone, paying rent, buying groceries and living from paycheck to paycheck? WAYYYY too hard
I lived at home for one year between undergrad and grad school and I saved money, but I think I work harder and do better in my career when I live on my own. There’s something about living at home that made me feel less like an adult, but it may not be the case for everyone.
I don’t think that I could date someone who lived at home. It’s one thing if it’s for a short time, but longer than a few months, probably not.
@Leila,
“but I think I work harder and do better in my career when I live on my own”
this is a point i wanted to bring up in the original entry. while living at home can have financial benefits, it can also lead to a feeling of complacency and settledness if you’re not careful
Champ are you feeling guilty about living at home with
Your parents until you were almost 28-29 years old?
@Nikki,
actually, sometimes i wonder if i should have done exactly that. i also wonder about what happened to charlie baltimore and killah priest’s marriage, so take that statement with a grain of salt
What I would advocate is living at home with parents but pooling together resources between yourself and say three other friends for an apartment you jointly rent where you alternate the weeks or days that you use the place.
A timeshare apartment if you will where if it is needed, you can chill away from the folks for whatever reason.
@kamakula, this reminds me of that episode of martin where they all try to share a car…
@kamakula,
LOL this sounds hilarious. but not a terrible idea. that way, if you have some one you want to spend the night with, you have some place to go where moms isnt hearing girly’s stiffled moans and groans.
just make sure you bring your own CLEAN sheets. and wipe off any residual on shared furniture. that’s all.
@Gem of the Ocean,
just make sure you bring your own CLEAN sheets. and wipe off any residual on shared furniture. that’s all.
This reminds me of that episode of Girlfriends when Joan was talking to a guy she met not realizing he lived at home. Then the mom came out with some sheets and said before you have intercourse on my couch you need to put these sheets down. The next scene was Joan running down the street.
@kamakula,
“What I would advocate is living at home with parents but pooling together resources between yourself and say three other friends for an apartment you jointly rent where you alternate the weeks or days that you use the place.”
this sounds like one of those “good in theory” ideas that would falter the first time two of the roommates bumped heads trying to bone.
@The Champ,
You’ve got to pick friends who have free days on the nights you are absolutely busy. Or stick to a fixed schedule where breaking it is grounds for ending the lease.
I totally agree. I think a big part of the problem is that we see wealth in terms of what we have and not what we own. The guy with the lexus and 200,000 house full of furniture purchased on credit is seen as being wealthy when in reality he doesnt own any of that, its all debt and his net worth once you factor it all in is negative. Whereas old girl living with her mom’s,driving 96 toyota corrolla and paying 10% into her 401 K is in a much better place financially. We have to break that thought cycle which forces us to jump out as soon as we make a decent paycheck and spend it all up
in your post you mention throwing money away on rent. its not throwing money away to pay for a place to stay, hell renting an affordable apartment in a average area of town, vs big balling in the high end areas paying a 1,000 or more a month is a good call, especially if your going to be living with your parents and paying them. Renting an apt is not a bad thing, you can get out of a lease in a year, your in a mortgage for 30 yrs. its worth taking your time before jumping in head first.
renting a deluxe apartment in sky-hy on your first year’s teaching salary? not so much.
anyway. we have got to get our minds right to get our money right.
im tired.
@shay-d-lady,
I agree partially. I know in places like Boston, $1,000/ month gets you a little one bedroom hood spot apt, or a space with two other roomates in a decent area. 1000 certainly aint ballin here. Prices are so high for rent you’d have to literally move out of state to get a fair price.
@Dom,
exactly, 1000 don’t get you sh#T in dc plus add in lights,gas,cable, water good lord that’s a whole check….i wish i had the luxury of living with my folks but not only did i not have that as an option but i am still helping my family out financially…
@mariposa, So true, I paying damn near 1000 for something that is just ok. Since Im in DC and my folks are in Chicago that’s not an option for me to live at home, but I can see the advantage. I dated a guy who lived with his aunt even though he swears that money was still tight and he had a good job. I’m like you don’t pay rent whats so tight?
@Dom,
im sure shay-d is talking generalities ppl LOL. $1000/mo rent for an apt where shes from (memphis) may be equiv to what some one in boston might pay $2500/mo for.
read between the lines yall
@Gem of the Ocean,
Oh, I can definitely understand the cost of living differences. But the DMV is one of those places where the cost of living gap is waaay larger than the increased pay you earn living in this area.
@Lil’T,
its like that in a lot of places, not just the dmv. i think shay-d’s point is that you can spend a ton of money to have a nice apt (which for dmvers may be $3000/mo) just for the hell of “having your own place”.
@shay-d-lady,
This all makes good sense – but many of us are in the DMV, and $1000 a month will only get you a hood spot round here, lol. Actually, $1100 will get you a spot with juvenile delinquents smoking pot on the playground at night and folks who let their dogs crap in the front of the building and leave it.
@Lil’T,
You and I must be neighbors. Add in a couple of immigrants with their Christmas tree still being lit up at night.
I wish I had the luxury of moving back in with my parents to save money. If I found a job back in Philly, I’d definitely f*ck pride.
@D-weezy,
“If I found a job back in Philly, I’d definitely f*ck pride.”
“pride” isnt the name of a stripper you’re trying to bag, is it?
@Lil’T,
AMEN…say that!!
@Lil’T, i think some of y’all need to look harder. i was living in a nice neighborhood with nice white neighbors where they walked dogs at 3am for $1k a month until i moved to my current localte in another part of DC. i was living in what is now considered the “it” part of town to be in. i just came across a good deal and sh*t. i only had to deal with a handful of crackheads and it was in NW.
oh and i never got robbed. though i know a few folks who did.
@Lil’T,
When I was in grad school at Maryland, I rented a room in a dude’s rowhouse for $350.
And dude was gone half the time, so it was like my spot. Worked just fine for me.
@shay-d-lady,
you bring up some great points girl!!!!!!! do ppl realize that car values DEpreciate in value once you drive them off the lot and continue to hencefoth?? so many ppl wanna be ballin, but dont wanna budget, save, or invest. and you’re right about own vs debt. unfortunately, so many of us dont get lessons in financial planning and know what to do with our money once we get it. we think a fat check means something. when in reality, spending all that check wont get you wealth.
@Gem of the Ocean, are you telling me that my nice discontinued american made muscle car is worth less now than it was when i bought it?!!?!?!?
f*********************************CK.
@Panama Jackson,
Damn those Magnums and their seductive Hemis.
Glad I got mine used, and at a very reasonable price.
LOL.
@shay-d-lady,
in your post you mention throwing money away on rent. its not throwing money away to pay for a place to stay
see, i think it still is, regardless of whether youre spending within your budget or not. i mean, when i move out of my place, all of the money i’ve spent on it will be gone forever. basically, i’m playing rent so someone else can pay their mortgage
@The Champ, that’s a common debate amongst financial analysts actually. you view it as wasted money, but there’s an economic opportunity cost associated with renting versus owning. i’m kind of on the fence. for people without families, the flexibility that comes with renting is something you do not get with owning a property (or basically renting that bitch from the bank until you pay the full 400K you owe on that 200K house you bought except you have to pay for all the problems yourself instead of having a management company or landlord fix sh*t for you). it really all depends on what you want. we all view owning property as wealth, and it is, but how many of us at this age actually OWN the sh*t. most of us are still paying only the interest.
not that i dont believe in home ownership, i just dont think that renting is a terrible option.
plus, i REALLY have a problem with the concept of eminent domain. like a REAL REAL PROBLEM with it. so you’re saying i own this house (done paid it off) and i STILL really don’t own it ‘cuz you, mr. gov’t, man can come take it you deem it necessary??????
what part of the game is that?!?!?
@Panama Jackson,
we all view owning property as wealth, and it is, but how many of us at this age actually OWN the sh*t. most of us are still paying only the interest. .
I TOTALLY agree with this. I’m all for home ownership, but let’s be real, with a mortgage, you don’t own sh*t. The bank owns your house. And if you’re too many months late with that payment, they WILL come take your ish. And sell it for waaayyy less than what you pay for it.
And besides most people just build up equity so that they can borrow against. Thus delaying them every truly owning it. LOL
You’re also right about maintaining a home. Repairing/replacing ish is NOT cheap and can cause all kinds of financial burdens. I’ve seen it happen WAY too many times.
@Panama Jackson,
I own a condo (yeah, the bank does) and I definitely understand both sides of the argument. I never look down on those that rent, but for me, I made a choice based off on paying the same amount of money that goes nowhere (rent) and the same amount of money with some decent payback (mortgage = writeoff). I’m single and childless. I’m tryin’ to get all the writeoffs I can. lol
And with a condo, even though I gotta deal with the association, I DON’T have to deal with stuff I gotta deal with for a whole house. Which is all good with me. I’m too young to be reading a dayum water meter. o__O
@Panama Jackson,
Co-sign on eminent domain, mainly because the market value used is skewed. Yes, if I sold my house on the regular market it would be worth what you’re giving me because that’s what it’s worth just as a regular house. But, since you need this land to build a new school, highway or prison, it’s actually MORE valuable then it would be regularly. So, you’re shafting me.
But, I think renting makes sense if you don’t have the financial ability to deal with the additional costs of a home, or if have plans on moving a lot.
If you plan to stay in an area, and have the means to avoid a mortgage and home repair costs, I think you should get some property, pay it off fast, and own some land.
@Panama Jackson,
this entire thread is too smart for me
@shay-d-lady, So true! Don’t confuse revenue for profit out here!
im in the process of moving in with my mom right now. talk about humbling…i have NO privacy…but I haven’t been nearly as broke as I was before…i’m pocketing alot more money than I would have…but i wont lie, its difficult sharing a house with my mom and little brother…i havent been there a week and we have a loud screaming match daily… this has to be temporary because I am running the risk of getting disowned…and I like my family for the most part
@trin-trin,
I’m graduating in may, and this is why I’m trying reallly hard not to have to move back with my parents. We just get along a lot better when I’m not there.
@TrinaRe, i hear a lot of people say that.
@trin-trin,
girl, you had me at “humbling.”
@trin-trin,
you know what, it seems like women have a tougher time doing this (living at home) than men, even though men are the ones who are more stigmatized for doing it. like, even in the comments today, a few women have basically said that they’d go insane if they had to spend more than a week living with their mom, lol
i mean, even when you think about all the roommate issues every single woman who’s ever lived on a college campus has had, i think women just need more living and peace of mind space than we do, whereas many men just basically need a bed and a bathroom and we’re straight.
@The Champ, you know what it probably is? women view their homes as their domain. men, we just live there until the women put us out. its why we get like one room in the whole place and its usually a garage. when another grown woman moves in, its akin to too many chiefs, not enough indians. its like a dominance fight breaks out. the younger is busy asserting that despite living at home, she is grown ,and the older is like, nigga you live at home, you ain’t grown.
guys…we just watch TV and try to avoid all convos with the parents.
@Panama Jackson, I totally agree with this. There’s a Haitian saying that goes “two grown ups can’t live under the same roof”. Now, only young Haitian descent women heard this same expression from their moms. Haitian dudes. Nope. Why? Because what they really mean is that “there’s only one HBIC and that’s me. The one who carried your ass for 9 months…” So there’s no such thing as grown ass woman when mom is around.
P.S. HBIC means head bitch in charge
@The Champ,
You know, I think it has more to do with the fact that parents generally baby and shelter their daughters and let their sons be free. Isnt that’s a common complaint from teenagers; Sons get later curfews, bigger allowances, date earlier, etc…
I feel like a daughter that moves home is still be parented whereas a son staying at home is just utilizing that room like you mentioned
@OftenConfused,
“I feel like a daughter that moves home is still be parented whereas a son staying at home is just utilizing that room like you mentioned”
Yes! I’m 25 and I get the third degree everytime I run to grab something from my car or need to go to the store. My brother on the other hand is 21 and just walks out, saying “holla!”
It doesn’t help that I’m the obviously more responsible child when it came to grades, jobs and general life decisions.
I’m always left standing there looking crazy and thinking that he’s the one they need to check on. No tellin what that ninja will get into once he walks out the door. SMH…
@OftenConfused,
You know, I think it has more to do with the fact that parents generally baby and shelter their daughters and let their sons be free. Isnt that’s a common complaint from teenagers; Sons get later curfews, bigger allowances, date earlier, etc…
I feel like a daughter that moves home is still be parented whereas a son staying at home is just utilizing that room like you mentioned
good point
@OftenConfused,
I feel like a daughter that moves home is still be parented whereas a son staying at home is just utilizing that room like you mentioned
That’s a great point. My dad is currently visiting… and he has already started with the regulating.
… But truth be told, I find it endearing. I have lived away from home for so long (left at 18), I don’t mind him checking to see who is picking me up and what time I might get home. I missed it.
Given the opportunity? I would have lived with my folks until I didn’t have to anymore. Then again, it’s common where I am from and there is no particular stigma attached to it. Parents want their kids, especially the girls, to stay at home until they have to move to the husband’s house.
@The Champ,
Are you talking about men with fathers?
Cause living with my pops as a grown man would have been a MASSIVE problem.
He and I didn’t get along at all until I moved out to go to college, then we were finally able to start chilling. Men who don’t have dominating dads might be cool, but I don’t think cats with a traditional father would be happy staying at home.
@Big Man,
see, my dad and i are a bit different. we’ve always been close, and friction with him is one thing i wouldnt have to worry about if i was living there (with a plan, of course)
@Big Man,
Cause living with my pops as a grown man would have been a MASSIVE problem.
He and I didn’t get along at all until I moved out to go to college, then we were finally able to start chilling.Men who don’t have dominating dads might be cool, but I don’t think cats with a traditional father would be happy staying at home.
I totally Concur with this statement. I was in this same place. Pops was always in my ish, asking questions and being nosey. Moms, not so much. But my parents just came in town(on the way to the airport as we speak) and at my crib( i live by myself) he was all up in my ish, tryna move stuff around and askin why i was doing this and that instead of another way. I had to tell him this is my crib, i do it my way.
We’ve definitely gotten closer since i left for college years ago.
@Big Man,
“Are you talking about men with fathers?
Cause living with my pops as a grown man would have been a MASSIVE problem.
He and I didn’t get along at all until I moved out to go to college, then we were finally able to start chilling. Men who don’t have dominating dads might be cool, but I don’t think cats with a traditional father would be happy staying at home.”
Cosign. i have a dominating father. This is why I left. Well this and space. my breaking point was when he was riffing about some dishes. I had a deja vu moment and could have sweared we had the same convo when I was 10. At that point I was like I have to leave. My mom was cool. Never had any problems with her like that.
@Humble One
Mom is always cool. She still tells me I can come home any time if I need to, with my wife and kids.
But, Pops is on that “it’s a one-way door” thing, and I’m cool with that.
I like taking care of myself.
This is an interesting topic! As a person who currently lives at home, I can tell you I understand both sides of the coin. I did the whole “Ms. Independent” thing in college, held a job, paid my own rent and bills, put gas in the car I bought, and didnt need my parents for a damn thing. I originally moved back in after graduating as a means to an end of getting out and getting on my feet. Its been a blessing during these TETs too.
But on the other hand, I think its important to live at home with a goal in mind of moving out. Have a plan as to how you’re going to get yourself financially stable. Use that extra $ you dont spend on rent to pay down debt, get your credit up, and save for your own. I think if you dont have a plan living at home can make you feel like a child. And NOBODY man or woman wants to be thirty-something and living with mom.
Its tough sometimes, like the other day when my mom called me in the middle of the day to ask if I was wearing a winter jacket…or when she looks out the window to make sure I get to the recycle bin safely…but for the most part it aint so bad.
@Dom,
If this were facebook I would like this comment… this is my life lowkey tho lol… down to the phone calls about wearing jackets (except mine are text messages with EVERY word abbreviated. my poor mom and her texts lol)
@Selah,
my mama is the exact opposite with texts. full out spellings and salutations. “hello, charli. this is your mother.” okay…she’s not quite that bad, but….and just the other day as i was leaving with a short sleeved shirt on she said, “so…..you not taking a jacket? mmhmm. people gone get enough of thinking it’s summertime just because the time changed and the sun came out.” i had to look back over my life and give myself a pep talk. because, damn. getting the same cautionary tales you got when you were 12 is humbling. but it’s out of love though.
what really gets me is when she gets overly chummy with my friends and expects me to do the same with hers. We not the same age, buh boo! The other day she referred to my ex (like waaaaaaay ex) boyfriend and said, “I need to know what the law is on this. What I need to do is call _ _ _ _.” um…….that stank in my nostrils for several reasons. Or she’ll try to give me the latest tea on her girlfriends. I really need to learn a respectful way to say, “Mama, I really don’t give the slightest damn about what’s going with Mrs. Ida.”
@Dom,
I think its important to live at home with a goal in mind of moving out. Have a plan as to how you’re going to get yourself financially stable. Use that extra $ you dont spend on rent to pay down debt, get your credit up, and save for your own
that is sooooooooo key!!! have goals and be smart!! dont live at home with yo mama and buy expensive clothes, luxury car, and eat out at pricey restaurants. and DONT move in to stay in.
and lmao @ “or when she looks out the window to make sure I get to the recycle bin safely” that is sooooo my mother
@Dom,
Its tough sometimes, like the other day when my mom called me in the middle of the day to ask if I was wearing a winter jacket
lol, my mom still does this. even when i drive up to their house, i know i’ll hear it if i’m not “dressed for the weather”
@Dom,
I totally agree with you. I live with my parents. Everybody rides me for that- “You got a curfew you better get home soon” or ” don’t make me call your mother on you”. It’s so lame especially when they are borrowing money from me to get their spinach dip on at Applebee’s.
I miss privacy and freedom to a degree(I come and go as I please but I get questioned to death on the way in and out), but it’s more than worth it to save money. Right now I am saving about 20 percent (sometimes more) of what I make, and I can still afford to go out and enjoy my life. I am also eliminating all of my debt. So people can laugh at me all day long but I am laughing all the way to the bank.
@Wmsgirl,
I miss privacy and freedom to a degree(I come and go as I please but I get questioned to death on the way in and out), but it’s more than worth it to save money. Right now I am saving about 20 percent (sometimes more) of what I make, and I can still afford to go out and enjoy my life. I am also eliminating all of my debt. So people can laugh at me all day long but I am laughing all the way to the bank.
I wish i could laugh all the way to the bank. I live in NYC, parents across the country. But at the end of the day, I really get what I pay for (over 1000) and i live by myself. So at the end of the day its worth it also considering that im at an entry level position and will make more $$ sooner or later. There’s nothing like having a nice living space.
@Dom,
“But on the other hand, I think its important to live at home with a goal in mind of moving out. Have a plan as to how you’re going to get yourself financially stable. Use that extra $ you dont spend on rent to pay down debt, get your credit up, and save for your own.”
Exactly. This is most definitely the key. There’s a huge difference between “living at home in order to get something better” and “living at home in order to get a Wii”.
Interesting points. but I beg to disagree, times are indeed hard and it would be financially better for people to stay at home (till they pay off ALL their student loans, have a down payment for a mortgage and can retire at 35) BUT… staying at home delays the process of becoming an adult!Research shows that more people are coming home after college which increases the age that adolescence ends… before it was around 19-22, now it’s extending to 26 even 39 … now you have a entire generation of BIG little Children walkinga round…ugh! What happened to the days when you go out and you make a way..Learning how to sink or swim.(our parents did it). Yes we want to increase generational wealth but if we learn the proper management of our current resources…(5 dollars goes along way if you aren’t trying to buy gucci, prada and jordans for new born babies) then we can accomplish those goals. I believe our light skin counterparts have been doing this for years. the better management of their finances. I have been on both sides of the fence and the best thing I did for myself is move out…I might not get the 4 bdroom house at 29 but I have developed some life and budgeting capabilities from taking care of myself that I can use to manage my household when it expands, plus I know over a 100 ways to make tuna taste real special!
@I-think-therefore-I-am,
Research shows that more people are coming home after college which increases the age that adolescence ends… before it was around 19-22, now it’s extending to 26 even 39
what research you been readin?? i study adolescence and i cant co-sign on that statement or the research that supports it.
though i do think living at home can have its disadvantages, it can work to ppl’s benefit. if you dont have parents who TREAT you like a child, and you take on responsibility by helping your parents pay bills, doing chores, ,still maintaining a life of your own outside of the home, and actually have the mindset and goals to LEAVE and get your own, then you’ll be just fine.
@Gem of the Ocean, i study adolescence and i cant co-sign on that statement or the research that supports it.
watching Sesame Street does not count, gem.
@I-think-therefore-I-am,
“now you have a entire generation of BIG little Children walkinga round…ugh! What happened to the days when you go out and you make a way..Learning how to sink or swim.(our parents did it). Yes we want to increase generational wealth but if we learn the proper management of our current resources…”
I agree. Now if a person is truly depserate, then go home. But it seems that more and more little grown ups feel a pinch here and a squeeze there and want to run back home.
@I-think-therefore-I-am,
BUT… staying at home delays the process of becoming an adult!Research shows that more people are coming home after college which increases the age that adolescence ends… before it was around 19-22, now it’s extending to 26 even 39 … now you have a entire generation of BIG little Children walkinga round…ugh! What happened to the days when you go out and you make a way..Learning how to sink or swim.(our parents did it)
i see what you’re saying, but something the research you cited doesnt mention is that (back in the day) people were moving out to get married and have children. they generally weren’t living by themselves for 10-15 years. since we’ve pushed back the age most of us start having kids, maybe it makes sense that other ideas of age-appropriate ways of living are pushed back as well.
who knows.
btw, welcome and sh*t (i think)
@I-think-therefore-I-am,
“Research shows that more people are coming home after college which increases the age that adolescence ends… before it was around 19-22, now it’s extending to 26 even 39″
I don’t know the distinct numbers, but I did read an article last winter about the stigma attached to living at home in your 20s (after college age) for a while is loosening up. Granted, it was from a free local newspaper, but I think it’s true. The word ‘recession’ has made a great way for people to justify things without someone (rational) labeling it just an excuse.
@Cheekie, i saw it too…and i agree with what it had to say. College and grad school extends childhood like a mug. I was on my parents insurance until I turned 25 in Jan…
Back in the day I would have been out the house with a job and some kids by now. Not only do I get to avoid responsibility I also get babied by my parents for doing the “right” things.
Since I dont have a crack habit or baby daddys my peeps are more likely to pay for things that I should be responsible for. However, I doubt their generosity will extend through a PhD…lol
@I-think-therefore-I-am,
staying at home delays the process of becoming an adult!
See, I don’t know how true this is. How is becoming an adult tied into living alone?
So cultures where people live with their parents way into their older age have no adults?
I think it’s a very western concept that does not necessarily mirror the rest of the world…
Damn! This post stepped all over my toes.
I need to decide how many pairs of shoes are going back to the store. Le sigh .
@meka,
lol, that means i’m doing my job and sh*t
@meka,
LOL, I feel ya. I was gonna go shopping during my lunch today to buy a shirt for this comedy show I’m goin’ to on Thursday, but this post made me think “Maybe I should just wear what I already have…I’ve only worn this one cute black shirt once anyway”.
I’m still going.Not many get the opportunity to have the option of living at home. If you go away to college and your job and career prospects is out there (not to mention if you just like the new area better), you can’t move back home. Furthermore, sometimes there is a clash with you being grown. Your parents raised you to be this strong independent person and when you are that, sometimes it clashes with them unintentionally or intentionally trying to influence you to do what they want. Then there are the cases in which some live at home and are helping their parents instead of the other way around. That said, it depends. There are a myriad of situations that are pro and con. Yes, lots of cultures do it. I have some neighbors in which there is a house and smaller garage like homes in the back to comprise a mini-compound on the property lot. Their property is well kept and seems to be full of joy and love, although I am sure their are some privacy issues to be expected. As a grown a*s woman in my thirties, I have considered getting a roommate to stack and bubble something lovely. However, the freedom of doing whatever the fugg I want to in my place is a little too sweet to give up right now.
In terms of the dating issue, nothing beats your own spot. Honestly, I got to be really knowing a guy for him to be in my home (and I expect the same on his part) so it’s not always about being able to entertain, it’s about having the OPTION to do so. Parents may say they understand you are grown all they want, but things will come into play and there will be clashes. My mom hit hard times when I was in graduate school in another state and came to live with me. I know.
Will I date a guy that doesn’t have his own place? It depends. If that is your family home, I am less likely to visit later or call the home after a certain time (some of us still have landlines along with the celly and someone may have their own line in the house). What is perfectly fine and acceptable for an adult and peers seems disrespectful for parents and a family home. A guy invited me over, but I knew he was staying with his mother and I refused. It was dark. I never met his mother at all. I was not going to be in her house unknowingly without meeting her. I felt that was disrespectful. I represent self and my family name as well. That looks just crazy and your first impression is shot. So although I may understand the situation, I would prefer a man with his own space, like I have mine.
@legitimate_soul,
^Pretty much I wrote that big friggin’ essay to say: Living home after college to get on your feet makes total sense in theory, but is something else entirely in practice.
@legitimate_soul,
good points, all. i agree that it really depends on the situation.
btw, am i the only one that thinks of jersey shore whenever somebody says “the situation” now?
@The Champ,
“btw, am i the only one that thinks of jersey shore whenever somebody says “the situation” now?”
Nope. And I only looked at about 1 3/5 episodes.
@legitimate_soul,
i get exactly what you’re saying. it’s not necessarily a pride thing, it can just be hard to work out in real life.
and if a guy is saving for his future and going to school/working, and contributing to his family home in some way (because i think that’s important. and shows maturity)……….there is nothing wrong with him staying at home, so its certainly not for me to judge. esp since i’m back at home right now. but the fact is that i was raised to think certain things are appropriate, so it’s likely that i would just feel less comfortable visiting at certain hours and stuff. so that would make me feel odd about the whole thing maybe.
one guy i dated tried to get something started while we were watching a movie at his momma’s house. now, i would never judge him for still living with his momma because i knew for a fact that he was saving for a home. but i definitely, definitely judged him for trying to get into my pants with his mom 10 ft. away. since that experience, i think visits to any guy’s familial home, unless he’s from out of town and we’re married/engaged and on a visit are a no-go. guys really just don’t give a damn.
having said that, i definitely think there’s a double standard for women at home vs. men. and it kinda sucks for young men.
@charli skipper,
“having said that, i definitely think there’s a double standard for women at home vs. men. and it kinda sucks for young men.”
I’m glad somebody finally acknowledged the proverbial elephant in the room.
Upon a man’s initial contact with the opposite sex, if he says he’s living with Moms & Pops everything after that will sound like Charlie Browns teachers…you know it. If the roles were reversed…it probably wouldn’t matter at all. It sucks, but it’s real.
@legitimate_soul,
‘Tis a beautiful thing indeed.
I’m a Black female in my late 20′s and I currently live w/ my parents. Their home has been my place of residence for about 3 yrs now but because I travel (work) quite often, I’m not always home {for instance, I was living in Hawaii for 6 months due to work up until the ’09 holiday season}. When I initially moved back home, it was because I had gotten a position in the career path I had chosen and I thought eventually, as I got settled in my position that I’d move into my own place.
but since I travel, I see friends as often as needed to 
. Seriously though, since I have no & haven’t had any desire to be in a relationship right now, my living w/ my parents hasn’t been a problem w/ any of the special male amigos I’ve been involved w/ because they know I’m no bum. They know I have money and I’m making moves so…. no issue.
***A little story here: When I moved back home, while talking on the phone w/ my sister-in-law who’s also a close friend , she asked when I was going to get my own place, and when I told her that I was thinking about just staying w/ the ‘rents… she laughed and said, “Really? At 25 yrs old?” I felt sooooo hurt and low until a couple of days later when speaking with my older brother and I told him what my younger brother’s wife said to me and he encouraged me to stay w/ my parents, save money and to not allow anyone to make me feel shame about it.***
So, I decided that I would start saving money which was something I had been wanting to do while I was on my own. I left home at 19 yrs old. Not to go to college but to work and live on my own. While all my friends were going to classes, I was working, paying bills & living in my own place in ATL and the D.C. area and it was impossible to save and live the way I wanted to live during those times.
Most of my Black friends claim up and down they couldn’t live at home w/ their parents past 21 yrs old but a few of my Latina & East Indian friends were doing exactly that. One of my very close friends and I discussed this very matter when I moved back home and she told how common and expected it is in her culture for the women to stay home w/ their parents ’til they marry. I’ve always found it interesting how my Black girlfriends ask, “How do you do it? [live w/ my parents] but for me it’s easy for several reasons:
1.) I get along w/ my parents extremely well. If you asked any of my four siblings, they would probably say that I could do no wrong in my parents eyes and that our parents adore me and always have [it's true].
2.) My parents live in a 3 level, 5 bedroom home- plenty of room! And honestly, there are a lot of days when the three of us are in the house all day and don’t see each other or just missed one another in passing but also, because my parents travel leisurely often and are very involved community wise, when I’m in town, I often have the house to myself.
3.) As far as male company goes. Slightly because of the town mi padres reside in, nothings happening ova here
Seeing how much I’ve been able to set aside, I feel blessed
the accounts are like that nowthat I was able to come back home and that my mother and father are cool and supportive. I’ll be moving out come summer due to a new position I’m taking and I’m excited to have my own place again but like the first time, it’ll be bittersweet. I just think ppl need to do what’s best in order to have the best possible a little later and not let others sway your decision to doing something smart. I often think about what if I had let my sis-in-law’s opposing reaction influence me into renting an apt in this dumb small town [it's actually a really nice sized town to raise a family in] instead of living w/ my parents again… I would’ve wasted so much money because I know I would’ve been at their home everyday anyways.pardon me if there are any missed/misspelled words.
@Made In Hawaii,
yeah, considering your work situation and the fact that you get along great with your parents (and their big crib), living at home seems like the most sensible option for you right now
Greetings VSB,
Longtime reader first time leaving a comment. I’m glad we are talking wealth/assets/money here, this is definitely important to the goal of rebuilding the future state of the black family, especially since money attributes to one of the top reasons for divorce in this country.
I agree that living at home is definitely one of the best ways to save for the future. Money management is not one of the skills that we are (generally) taught, most of us grew up in a family where we never had enough, living paycheck to paycheck, making ends meet, (insert another cliche for being broke as hell) so the concept of saving is something out of a fairytale for most. Therefore putting that into practice may be difficult for some, myself included.
But on the other hand, the “cost” of living at home, for me at least, is not pride but sanity. Living with my mother would cost me…roughly 75% of my sanity biweekly. But for those who arent willing to place their pride (or in my case, sanity) on the alter of sacrifice, at least open up a savings account and have a percentage directly deposited into that account every pay period (some say 1/3 of your income should go to savings) I have a high interest online savings account, it’s something like 1.33% APY and since they aren’t paying me or vsb for ads I won’t shout them out. Lol. But definitely “pay yourself” the benefits of having cash saved up leaves a tremendous mark on your quest to financial freedom.
@Chalkolet,
“Living with my mother would cost me…roughly 75% of my sanity biweekly”
lol, whys that?
welcome and sh*t, btw
@The Champ,
I can’t begin to explain beyond the fact that my parents have the craziest/weirdest/dysfunctionally functional relationship on all of planet earth, going into their space would be like checking myself into a nuthouse an expecting to not be institutionalized….it’s impossible. I love them from a distance….half joking on that.
And thanks for te welcome I expect to be leaving a lot more of my random responses.
@Chalkolet, i applaud anybody able to put a third of their income into savings. i really do. that is much easier said than done.
@Panama Jackson yes, it’s easier said than done but I attribute 1/3 for rent/house related costs/bills, 1/3 savings, last bit for me. It’s all about living below my means. yeah it’s tough, especially knowing the money is there when I have maxed the personal budget. But I am looking to go to pharmacy school soon and I don’t plan on working the first year so that’s my motivation right there…
@Panama Jackson,
i applaud anybody able to put a third of their income into savings. i really do. that is much easier said than done.
Chuuuurch!, tabernacle!, preeeeeaaaach!
Its waaay much easier said than done esp. living check to check, But I will say designating and direct depositing an amount like $50(or whatever) outta your check isnt a bad idea either…
@Panama Jackson,
Shoot, I strive for 50%! (I do live a frugal lifestyle… he he he.
)
@Chalkolet,
I have a high interest online savings account, it’s something like 1.33% APY .
Sign# 469736 that we are in tough economic times when 1.33% is considered to be a high interest rate.
@V Renee,
Riiight? I remember when I opened my online account way back when… The interest rate was like 5% or something… *smh*…. Now I am making measly gains on that baby…
*thank god the market has higher returns… smh*
@Chalkolet, groing up in a mormon household, my dad taught us to tithe 10% of your gross to the Lord, 10% of your gross to savings, the rest is your budget money. (Easier said than done)
I would also add… make sure you take advantage of any work 401K, 403b whatever you have… make sure you contribute the max before taxes and hardly ever look at the statement. you cant miss what you cant remember. If times ever get real hard you can access that money, not as readily as you would like to but you can
@Intellectual Hedonist,
who knew hispanic mormons existed?
@Intellectual Hedonist,
my father is a pastor, so I grew up tithing also, honestly I don’t even factor in that 10% in my budget, I don’t consider it to be mine.
If there’s one thing I’ve come to appreciate by going to school in Ohio, it’s how f*cking cheap it is to live here. I remember looking at apartments over the last couple years and my roommates being in outrage over $400-600/month while my Maryland behind was ready to jump all over it.
I know a ton of ninjas that live at home just because they can’t afford otherwise. Yeah, it sucks sometimes dealing with your folks and just not having your own spot, but it really does help not having to pay all that extra money that you don’t have. Sh*t, if I decide to go to UMD for grad school, best believe I’m living at home.
@P., The South and the midwest will truly spoil you in terms of cost-of-living…$400-600/mo is about standard rent (for a 1 BR) in most spots (most I’ve ever paid in rent is $525, and that was for a 2 BR/1.5 BA townhouse)…on the West Coast or the Northeast (I’m lumping in the DMV here) I don’t know if you can rent a closet for $600/mo.
@DG,
“The South and the midwest will truly spoil you in terms of cost-of-living”
You’re right. I can’t believe what some folks are paying for rent. I’m sorry ya’ll.
@miss t-lee,
“You’re right. I can’t believe what some folks are paying for rent. I’m sorry ya’ll”
lol, yeah. that’s what i want to say to my cuz in manhattan who pays like 3gs a month for a one bedroom. i just can’t fathom that at all
@ The Champ,
Dayum. 3g’s a month? Ouch.
Down here your cuz could have a 4 bd home plus some acreage…lol.
@DG,
Co-sign. The cost of my 1 bedroom apt is $617 and I bitch about that. When I hear someone say that their rent is $2500 a month I feel better about my situation.
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E., you really should. that’s what’s been keeping Atlanta in the back of my mind for all these years. f*ck apartment rents, the same house that i’d have to pay 500k in DC for, i can get in ATL for 250k. and that’s straight up. i been lookign at this disparity for years and its honestly kept me from purchasing some non-sense in DC. plus, ATL? new construction for that price. DC? housebuilt in 1903 with the ghost of the first inhabitant hanging out in the floorboards and radiator heating system. oh…and shared walls. so that ninja is spooking the whole block without going outside.
@ Panama,
I’m in complete agreement with you. The housing prices in Charleston are so f**ked due to that nice ocean we have. Throw in the historical factor and you may end up paying $400k for a damn row house downtown. So for $400k you get a drafty house that used to be a tenement, that floods, but it will probably have the ghost of some long dead slave or Indian. So you pretty much get a dead roommate that you talk with like the spoof of the movie “Ghost” on Chappelle’s Show. “N*****, I see you.So unless your dead a$$ knows about some treasure in the basement that will help with the mortage, shut up.”
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E.,
“The housing prices in Charleston are so f**ked due to that nice ocean we have. Throw in the historical factor and you may end up paying $400k for a damn row house downtown.”
Yeah, folk…you’re always gonna pay a premium when you live near the ocean. Savannah’s the same way.
@PJ
housebuilt in 1903 with the ghost of the first inhabitant hanging out in the floorboards and radiator heating system .
iQuit you! ROTFLMAO
@Panama Jackson,
housebuilt in 1903 with the ghost of the first inhabitant hanging out in the floorboards and radiator heating system. oh…and shared walls. so that ninja is spooking the whole block without going outside.
Bwahahaha! I swear I can hear my mom…
During the house hunting process, her concern is that the house be new-er, so that “there are not a lot of angry spirits to deal with”… I love my momma.
@DG,
“The South and the midwest will truly spoil you in terms of cost-of-living”
The South has the midwest beat. Well, at least Chicago (which is the midwest, but doesn’t go by midwest rules…lol). My sis was looking for some houses and came across “comparables” in the South. Let’s just say we were HELLA salty. lol
@Cheekie,
“The South has the midwest beat. Well, at least Chicago…”
You gotta take the Chi out of the equation, darlin…like you said, Chicago follows its own rules in terms of housing prices (and even then, Chicago isn’t that bad, compared to NYC, LA, San Fran, etc.). Truth be told, I’m sure once you get beyond the Chicago metro area, the state of IL gets a lot less expensive. I’m thinking more like Indy, St. Louis, Omaha, KC…places like that where it’s hella inexpensive (median price >$200K). Certain spots in the Midwest can fool with the South pricewise. Besides, Detroit is also Midwest…I heard you can buy a house in Detroit for like $10K (although I don’t know too many folks trying to move to the D right now)
@DG,
“You gotta take the Chi out of the equation, darlin…like you said, Chicago follows its own rules in terms of housing prices (and even then, Chicago isn’t that bad, compared to NYC, LA, San Fran, etc.). ”
Right, I did take Chi outta the equation, but still in general, I would kill for the SIZE of a house in the South with the money I make now. And I could afford it if I were making what I make now comparatively. But then again, I have to figure in cost of living, which I’m not sure how it is down there.
And yeah, NYC definitely makes me feel better. But still, cost of living. Their minimum wage is higher than ours I think. It probably still doesn’t make up for living in a closet for 1,500 a month though because the gap probably ain’t that big. lol
@DG,
“I heard you can buy a house in Detroit for like $10K (although I don’t know too many folks trying to move to the D right now)”
You could’ve bought the gotdamn Silverdome for $5-600k.
Situations will vary, of course. I think pride is a terrible motivator (not to be confused with self-esteem/respect, dignity, sense of self, confidence, a general sense of badA) for anything. If you can’t afford something, it’s not the time for you. Period. After graduating in May, I thought I would be damned if I had to move back to NE for any amount of time, now I’m in France and realising that when I move back, unless I have a job that will provide the level that I need, I should be thankful I have parents that are willing to have me back
Living at home with one’s parents is not the worst thing, if that back at home time is used to work hard and save. If you’re trying to have a second childhood, well, nah player. It shouldn’t be stigmatised in the mid-twenties, but at 29,29 I start looking at people crazy if their still with their parents and there’s no extenuating circumstances.
Granted this recession we have here is supposed to maybe change the whole becoming adults process that society has established for awhile. Americans may start acting like Italians.
@KayBeezy,
Americans may start acting like Italians
if this means taking city-wide naps at 2pm every day like they do in rome, i’m all for it
@The Champ,
“if this means taking city-wide naps at 2pm every day like they do in rome, i’m all for it”
Wait, this happens?
*scribbles note – “live in rome” on the bucket list*
@Cheekie,
Wait, this happens?
*scribbles note – “live in rome” on the bucket list*
yeah. in rome, basically the entire city shuts down from 11pm-2pm for a long-ass extended lunch break. sh*t stays open much later there too. i remember being downtown shopping with my teammates at like 1am one day
@Champ,
“yeah. in rome, basically the entire city shuts down from 11pm-2pm for a long-ass extended lunch break. sh*t stays open much later there too. i remember being downtown shopping with my teammates at like 1am one day”
Very nice.
There is DEFINITELY a stigma attached to living at home when you’re grown and educated, and while it does suck at times (like when your parents are still in your business about who you’re out with and when you’re coming home at age 25), the financial benefits are worth it. My rule is along as I’m living within 40 minutes of my parent’s house and am in school, I’ll live at home…well, until I get married or something like that, then, I’M OUTTA THERE!!
I wouldn’t mind dating someone who’s still living at home, especially if their saving up, or are still in school like I am. Plus, I’m more impressed by a man who’s living at home to help out his parents or take care of his siblings than a dude who’s living in a messy a$$ bachelor pad and struggling to pay his bills.
It’s that whole mentality of “keeping up with the Joneses” that creates this sense of urgency about owning a home. Not that owning isn’t a great goal to strive for, but why not create a solid foundation for yourself early, by saving and living at home (if possible) so that you can stand on your own later down the road?
@Anike Love,
THIS! i like your mind, woman.
Oh, and when I was in Spain there was a big diff – you’re expected to stay at home with parents until you’re married. They don’t have a “Rent” mindset… they save money until they own. Here? There is DEF a stigma. smh.
@Selah, yep, I think that’s how it is in a lot of countries other than the US, especially for women-it’s kind of expected that you’ll live at home until you can afford to move out, or are married. Here it’s like ppl trying to move out at 18. I’m like WTH?!
@Anike Love, Plus, I’m more impressed by a man who’s living at home to help out his parents or take care of his siblings
that’s what i’d tell every chick i dated if i did live at home with my parents. true or not. lol.
@Panama Jackson,
“that’s what i’d tell every chick i dated if i did live at home with my parents. true or not. lol.”
lol, good look. It’s smart.
But, make sure you look the part. I mean, look believable. I ain’t bout to believe no nicca who says, “Naw, my mama lives with ME” while taking my order at McDonalds.
@Cheekie,
dead. dead. and DEAD!!
@Panama Jackson, smart man! Trust me, there’s nothing that melts a woman’s heart quicker than, “I’m going grocery shopping for my parents, then taking my little sister to basketball practice”. Instant ?!
@Anike Love,
^THIS^.
If I had the chance to live at home? Shiiiiid! I would have. All my friends who are moving back home right now (with plenty of savings and fancy jobs) are living with their parents! Until they buy their own pieces of real estate, or get married or something. They help with the household chores (although most of the dads are not having it) and there is an understanding amongst all involved.
I don’t know maybe because I have missed living at home for so long, I think this living alone thing is overrated. It was fun when I first started (at 18 in a different country from my folks) but now? I just need someone else to cook whenever I don’t feel like it.
Man I wish I could go back and live with my parents! I’m in NY but best believe every time I go back home to Pgh, I feel like I’m staying at a f*ckin resort!! Free food, cable, wall to wall carpeting, an actual front AND a back yard, driveway…. I never appreciated that sh*t until it was gone..
See the problem with black folk is that we spend our money on too much bullsh*t… we have no assests, we have no investments.. We f*cked our credit up back in the day trying to be fly or cause we got behind on the bills and didn’t know any better.. I heard somewhere, “It’s not an asset if its on your ass” – You see these 2520 folks, they have no problem driving a very average car, having very average attire.. hell they’ll wear f*ckin pro-wing sneakers and jordache jeans with no shame in the game.. Bet that bank account’s lookin nice and beefy though.. Bet they’re going on nice vacations, ski trips, the theater, etc..
While the above may be a generalization and there’s a sh*tload of poor ass country bumpkin ass redneck 2520s as well… Its still a fact that black folk as a whole don’t plan for the future. We plan for the here and now, what we’re wearing to the club, what shoes we’re gonna buy next. We don’t save, we don’t invest our money, we don’t own any property. But I don’t think it’s cause we’re a bunch of dumbasses, (although that does apply to some) we just don’t know any better. We don’t have that knowledge and those values passed down through the generations like 2520′s. They been on the investing and stock market sh*t from way back. And part of that may be that black folk are so untrusting with their money, they can’t even fathom putting some money in some 2520′s hands and just hoping to possibly make a profit (or not lose all of it) after maybe 10-15 years through circumstances beyond their control – too many unknowns in that situation for us.
@BKSweetheart,
Just a disclaimer to the above for the uber sensitive VSBs and VSSs – of course I am not saying this applies to everyone. I’m sure there’s plenty brothers and sisters out there with their financial game on point – however that seems to be the deviation rather than the norm..
@BKSweetheart,
*daps*
@BKSweetheart,
I’m in NY but best believe every time I go back home to Pgh, I feel like I’m staying at a f*ckin resort!! Free food, cable, wall to wall carpeting, an actual front AND a back yard, driveway…. I never appreciated that sh*t until it was gone
lol, you’re making station heights and highland park sound like a paradise
@The Champ, lol highland park is a f*ckin paradise compared to Crown Heights BK!!
@BKSweetheart,
“Word” to your entire comment. Especially this:
“See the problem with black folk is that we spend our money on too much bullsh*t… we have no assests, we have no investments.. We f*cked our credit up back in the day trying to be fly or cause we got behind on the bills and didn’t know any better.. I heard somewhere, “It’s not an asset if its on your ass””
Another difference between “us” and “them” is we seem to be on some “dog eat dog” ish. Like, we barely wanna help a brotha out. Folks don’t wanna stick together and build their own. Naw, it’s the “I will step on you to get over you” mentality and when we do get somethin’ it’s the “Better hightail it outta here because I’ont wanna be associated with ya’ll…the 2520s are the way to go…and spend my money!!”. You go to a Mexican neighborhood in Chicago and who owns their businesses? Mexcicans. You go to a mostly Black neighborhood and who own their businesses? Arabs. I bet you can’t go to THEIR neighborhood talmbout, “I’mma bout to set up shop here, mmkay?” And as much as I complain about how Arabs handle their ish in my people’s neighborhoods, in the long run, I can’t blame the mofos because I would do the same thing if I were them.
this post makes me feel a rollercoaster of emotions. lol. i moved back home after finishing school. um………it’s the best of times and the worst of times. on the “best” side: me and my mom are closer than we’ve ever been. we never really liked each other before. (lol…but i’m serious) and now we’ve gotten really close and i respect her as a person and a mom. plus, i would obviously have been living in a shack with no lights or water these past few months had i not been able to live here.
on the other hand, it’s the worst of times. because, i just never really saw myself being 25 and still having a “room” and folks just walking the hell in when they feel like it and talking to you crazy if they so choose. the respect thing is definitely not reciprical. and, as the voluntary house cleaner–because, obviously, you’re not going to be a grown ass person and not contribute. so, while unemployed i took on the domestic duties in addition to working part time at the family business–i have realized that these people are messy as hell and don’t give a damn about it! i haven’t washed so many dishes since i was 16!!! and don’t even get me started on dating and going out in general. like, on the one hand, i want to be respectful of the family home and not drag my ass in too late. but on the other hand, really!? ugh. it’s so hard to not just do what in the hell ever you want. i shoulda just lived it up really hard before i moved back because getting out of here after dark can be like escaping the USSR sometimes. i don’t know…..i start a job at the end of the month (knock on wood! finally!! aowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww) and part of me planned on moving the hell out as soon as i got that second paycheck. but the other part of me knew that A) it would be smarter to save as much as i can and B) it’s kinda mean to chuck the deuces IMMEDIATELY. (my folks aren’t the bill cosby “when are these kids going to get out of my house” type. they’re the “really, you shouldn’t leave your father’s home until you enter your husband’s home. and look at other races. they all live together in one house because they’re smart and if we were smart we’d do that too” type.)
i don’t know, this post puts everything in perspective.
but on the other hand, i’m really not used to being a biological adult and having to answer all these damn personal questions, deal with attitude, and go outta the way to schedule time to pastor chase.@charli skipper
and don’t even get me started on the fact that lately, my dad and i have been having territorial fights over the kitchen. it’s not that i like to cook but um……..all this soul food cooking you’re tryin to do is taking over the smell of my perfume and hair conditioner. and i don’t want to smell like ribs and greens when i leave this house. as a kid i probably didn’t know any better, but now that i’ve had a taste of freedom and berry scented hair, i’m not going back. i’m not! so eat this salad and put that frying pan away. please…….
@charli skipper,
“and i don’t want to smell like ribs and greens when i leave this house”
this is actually the working title of the tyler perry productions sequel to “precious”
@The Champ,
*dying*
The title is hilarious on it’s own, but it reaches a whole ‘nother level of hilarity with the usage of “and”. lmfao
@The Champ,
“and i don’t want to smell like ribs and greens when i leave this house”
My refers to this as a perfume that women wear to attract a preacher.
@charli skipper,
How do you think it would be received if you tried to establish certain boundaries? Being the biological adult that you are, I’m thinking that if you were to approach them matter-of-factly with a list of “demands” so-to-speak as well as a list of “concessions”, they would respect you for being adult about it. Have a heart-to-heart with ‘em. (Take the two of them out to dinner or something.) Acknowledge your appreciation for them being there for you by accepting you into their home. Thank them for allowing you to do so without expense to you. Tell them how you enjoy the opportunity to bond with them in an adult context and how you have a new-found appreciation for them. Let them know that you do not intend to be a burden on them. Lay out your 2-year (give or take) plan for launching yourself into independence. Then, tell them what you would like to have happen in the interim…your demands: i.e. stay outta my room, get up outta my business and trust that if I have an issue i will come to you with it, etc. Then, let them know what you are willing to do in return (i.e., wash dishes, help with the family business, etc.). This shows your grownness, makes them feel proud that they raised you to be so mature, let’s them see that you’re not meandering through life but actually are making moves, conjures up their respect, sets in-place boundaries that they can buy-in on, further endears them to you, and sets in-place a verbal contract. If you hold up your end of the bargain, they are more inclined to respect your wishes. So when what’s his name comes to pick you up, they won’t be all up in the Kool-Aid cause ya’ll talked about this. Just an idea.
@Caballeroso,
Agreed. I tell folks that I had to make my parents realize that I am a full adult who make viable decisions on MY life… and they respected me for it. Ever since then, the respect is mutual. And that’s saying a lot, because African parents (in general) are known to be very intrusive.
I’m graduating in may and please believe im taking my edumacated azz back home to mama. the job prospects are better out there and considering my alt would be finding a job + apt in miami, id rather not. esp since moms is actually glad to have me, hell, it was her idea. I totally agree with this post. i’ve seen so many vsbs and vss’ trying to stunt fresh out of college, only to end up back in their parents homes up-fcukin-set.
to speak on the dating thing, my roomie and i basically had this conversation a few days ago where she pointed out my double-standards about the situation. like i dont think its a problem for a vss to be @ home, but for a vsb I do cringe a little, only bc there could be constraints on the relationship. no matter how much i like you, aint no fcukin in my mama’s house. point blank. so for that i’m going to need for him to have his own space or if he is at home, a private entrance, folks who work late,some type or arrangement, something. but @ the end of the day, i’m never going to pass on a vsb who’s bettering himself and doing this with a goal in mind.
@VeronicaCorningstoneD,
“no matter how much i like you, aint no fcukin in my mama’s house. point blank. ”
pretty much. not ever. never.
@VeronicaCorningstoneD,
to speak on the dating thing, my roomie and i basically had this conversation a few days ago where she pointed out my double-standards about the situation. like i dont think its a problem for a vss to be @ home, but for a vsb I do cringe a little
yeah, someone addressed this upthread as well. just another example of how double standards benefit both sexes, not just men
Just watch a day’s worth of HGTV. House Hunters, My First Place, Property Virgins (I gotta little HGTV addiction I’m dealing with okay)…24-26 yr old 2520s buying their first homes out of mom & dads basement. They complain about no privacy, etc., but they turn right around and say how great it was to be able to save for a downpayment to move into their own home.
During that same day count the number of 40-50 yr old black folks buying their FIRST homes…if there are even any featured that day.
@LuckBALady,
good points
welcome and sh*t, btw (i think)
@LuckBALady,
Exactly! (I am a little HGTV addicted meself)… and when they tell you their professions, you are like Uh? I know you can’t be balling with that job! They do save and take advantage of the situation. Plus our parents won’t be here forever, it’s a good thing to be able to enjoy them while we can.
I would just like to thank you profusely for this post Champ. When I graduated in May 2007, there was no other option than to go back and live with my parents until I finished my post-grad studies in preparation for med school. I made sure to make myself useful working two jobs, helping out with groceries, cleaning the house for the time being to rid the unncessary guilty conscience. My parents are west indian so they really believe that children especially female ones should not leave the house until marriage. Add the fact that I’m an only child and by default my parents favourite! Most my cousins in their early to mid twenties are kicking it with the parents until they are financially stable. most of my parents generation and older in my family own multiple homes, cars, have 100s of 1000s in savings and they aren’t professionals just regular hardworking people who are wise with money.
@Blue Skyez,
“My parents are west indian so they really believe that children especially female ones should not leave the house until marriage.”
Say THAT!! My whole family lives in “generational housing” as I jokingly call it as it “it’s not a house until there are more than 2 generations living in it” lol.
@Smiley Face,
This is why our west indian fams don’t comprehend the black american way of “when you turn 18 you better get out my house!” They do everything short of locking us up in the house to keep us from leaving the home in early adulthood. LOL.
@Blue Skyez,
Yes LAWD! LOL
@Blue Skyez,
I think it’s pretty much the same in the African Immigrant community as well…
I have friends who are shocked that my sister lives with me and pays no rent. I am shocked that it is even a question that my (younger) sister will pay rent in my house… I guess it’s just a matter of cultural differences.
I like this post. It’s smart.
Personally, I don’t have to move back with either of my parents, but rather they could say with me. This idea of ‘pride’ exist even with parents moving in with their children or having their children take care of them financially. There was a point in time I was paying my mom’s rent in Atlanta (I live in Nashville); but beforehand when she (and my bro) was struggling, she didn’t like to ask for help. An independent black woman’s pride is a force of nature. #fukwhatyaheard
I graduated (undergrad) in 2007 and that fall, after being ‘at home’ for 3 weeks, I found a job and moved out of state. A lot of people I know got jobs and started struggling due to the places they chose to live. Me, I found a house-share on craigslist, literally from walking distance from my job. The bill were split 3 ways. Awesome. It allowed me to gain my footing financially and to prepare myself for the next step: my own place. Paying rent is for the birds so after being there for 2 years, few months ago, I purchased my first house (at 25). Beforehand, I noticed that black people seem to look at buying a house differently than some of the non-whites I’ve came across. To most black people I know, a house is a place to stay permanently; however, other races see it as an investment where you happen to live in it. I saw grad students buying up houses knowing that they wouldn’t be in a certain place for 30 years (maybe 4 years). They bought houses with the intent to sale it given they will more than likely be in some other city. The difference in mentality shocked me. I don’t see my first house as being my last house.
Now that I have my house, if stuff goes bad for my family, I don’t have to think about moving in with them. I can move them in with me. Apartment rent are comparable to (sometimes greater than) house mortgages a lot of the time.
Right now, I have a (grad student) tenant. It’s all about this paper chase… Get money… lol
@MeteorMan,
*like*
The part about house buying is true. I had to reorganize my way of thinking about that. I hated the idea of feeling trapped. um…that was just Satan trying to keep me from making a sound investment. It’s like a lightbulb moment: “you don’t have to LIVE in it youself. duh!”
@MeteorMan,
after being ‘at home’ for 3 weeks, I found a job and moved out of state. A lot of people I know got jobs and started struggling due to the places they chose to live. Me, I found a house-share on craigslist, literally from walking distance from my job. The bill were split 3 ways
did you know your roommates beforehand?
@The Champ,
Naw. They put me through an interview before I moved in. lol
@MeteorMan,
“Apartment rent are comparable to (sometimes greater than) house mortgages a lot of the time.”
This was one of the main reasons I decided to buy. Same amount of space and same area would’ve had me paying more for rent. With no write-off. I said eff that. Only true con was with buying was that I had to have a bunch of money upfront, but that was the benefit of living with the mom for a couple years.
@MeteorMan,
Instant *like*! It’s all about getting that money, son!
Love it.
I don’t believe a single statistic or news story I here them come out with every 2-3 weeks. Call me crazy, but I swear there is someone out there on a mission to utterly dismantle, destroy, and humiliate the black community. I know we got our problems, but they be tinkerin around on them statistics. Especially about black women. Whether it is a story about how all BW are single, or they make up the majority of abortions and yet still have the highest number of unwanted babies, or how they have every imaginable disease out there; I don’t believe it. With all the studies and reports out there you’d think it would be statistically impossible for a BW to be standing.
@Jahmar,
you’re right. when you consider the fact that jim jones is actually going to be a high school teacher, its a big ass conspiracy. c-o-n-spiracy.
@The Champ, yeah. when i read that i was like, i thought the movie said the earth would end in 2012….jim jones is gonna teach a class and its only 2011!!~!!!
@The Champ, Waka Flocka?!?! They lettin Jim Jones lead the children of the corn astray? Conspiracy indeed. I’m bout to take my 2nd amendment rights into effect. I live in conservative @sk Ga and these politicians are tryin to make it legal to own guns in dorms. I will surely be taking advantage of that. They will not be takin me away w/o a fight!
“anyway, considering the aforementioned wealth and asset info, do you think living at home (until you’re financially ready) is a good idea”
Well I can see how this could work for some folks, and yeah it’s definitely a way to stack change for a few years before you set out. If I had an ideal home situation that would have made it appealing to stay home for a few years, maybe I wouldn’t have left at 19. However, I’ve been out for 10 plus years, and could not see going back unless it was a dire, and I do mean dire situation. I applaud folks that can do it. I can’t be in the room with my step-mother for five minutes let alone live under the same roof with that broad again.
The way I look at it my living expenses are the best money I pay every month for sheer peace of mind and tranquility.
You asked
“also, would you date someone who’s made this decision? ”
Possibly. I mean as long as it was temporary, or he was in between places, or maybe saving to put down a downpayment on something. He would have to be in process of making something happen, not just chillin’ at ya Mama’s house for years on end. Seriously, I wouldn’t be down for getting some on your twin bed while your Mom is down the hall. I did that ish in my early 20′s. Now I ain’t got time.
@miss t-lee,
“However, I’ve been out for 10 plus years, and could not see going back unless it was a dire, and I do mean dire situation. I applaud folks that can do it. I can’t be in the room with my step-mother for five minutes let alone live under the same roof with that broad again.”
Ya know, this would be the same situation for me if my mama was still with her boyfriend by the time I graduated college and decided on whether to move back in. I did NOT like that man, and not in a “he’s tryin’ to take the place of my father” type mess. I straight up didn’t like him and wouldn’t get along with him whether he was with my mama or not. So, yeah, it would’ve been the very last option for me to if he was still living there no matter how close I was with the moms…because rest assured, we weren’t as close when he was there.
@Cheekie,
” I did NOT like that man, and not in a “he’s tryin’ to take the place of my father” type mess”
You feel me. This is exactly my situation with my step-mom. It was gonna be a homicide up in that jump eventually, and it sure wasn’t gonna be me in the amber lamps. *snickering*
On the real, me and my Dad get along great, it his wife that’s the issue. So you do what ya gotta. He didn’t want me to move out, but I wasn’t trying to have him in a tough situation either, so it was for the best.
@miss t-lee,
“On the real, me and my Dad get along great, it his wife that’s the issue. So you do what ya gotta. He didn’t want me to move out, but I wasn’t trying to have him in a tough situation either, so it was for the best.”
Yes, ma’am. Most def.
Both Mr Mister and I moved back home after college. Why? WE HAD LOANS TO PAY! And no way was I moving into a 1BR apartment in DC just to pay $1300 for a decent one and still have enough to buy a car(well the car that I wanted anyway) and insurance (da hell!)…nope no sir. I got grown and moved out…for 6 whole months (long story) and took my “grown” behind right back home when my mama bought her house (re-fied after a year, added me as a co-signer) and promptly set up shop in the basement (yup I’m one of those people). I paid my portion of the mortgage, bought a car (paid if off in 3 years years instead of 5), paid off my loans (hallelujah), stayed the hell away from credit cards and built a nice lil nest egg that’s helping to pay for our wedding (cash n’ carry) and will go toward our savings and pay for grad school for me (wooossaaah).
If my mama didn’t suggest for me to come who knows what kind of chicanery me and my credit rating would be into. It’s not for everyone and if you don’t have that kind of relationship with your parents it will not work…another reason why I love my mama
. Mr Mister and I both have great relationships with our parents. He moved back home (rent free) I believe in 2006 or 2007 and was able to pay off his debt as well and start to invest (go financial planner!).
For us it worked out and I am grateful; it gave us a lot of wiggle room to look outside of the financial box with saving and investing.
@Smiley Face,
“…and promptly set up shop in the basement (yup I’m one of those people”
did you put your name on your carton of orange juice as well?
Or maybe they just think like Woodie Harrelson’s character from White Men Can’t Jump. Like when he said, “you rather look good and loose than look bad and win.” Go ahead Damon Wayans say it, “MESSAGE”. Cuz we get on some prideful tip like you said. Thinking that we can please w/ deez all day errday w/o any help from Momay n Dadday. I mean could room w/ family if we wanted to. Like an older cousin aunt uncle yadda yadda yaddah so on and so forth furthermore to reiterate mhm
@WuDaMan, Real talk I actually heard someone say that, “I wouldn’t move back home because I wanted to smoke sticky and let these guys stick me.”
@WuDaMan,
i guess thats not as bad as not moving back because your people steal your sticky
Great post, Champ. I couldn’t agree more. Having mom and dad as roomies may not be what’s hot in the streets but it can be a very savvy move.
I graduated in 2008 and I’ve been back home w/ my parents for the past 2 years. I plan to stay with them for at least another year while I finish my master’s degree. Sure, I want my own space and place but, financially, I can’t afford that. I’d rather be comfortable in a home that’s paid for than struggle to pay rent just so I can have some space, lol. Also, I have absolutely no desire to live with roommates (did that in college, the thrill is gone), so when I do move out I want to be financially stable enough to live on my own. Depending on the job market once I finish my masters, I may stay for a few more months just to stack my paper. Not to mention get a toehold in these student loans . . . chile boo, lol.
And, yes, if a man tells me that he’s living with his mama I may give him the side eye until he tells me why. If his reasons are like my own then I understand. But, if his reasons are excuses for incompetency then the side eye continues, lol.
@BSQUARED86,
And, yes, if a man tells me that he’s living with his mama I may give him the side eye until he tells me why. If his reasons are like my own then I understand. But, if his reasons are excuses for incompetency then the side eye continues, lol.
lol, what if he just lies? i mean, anybody can just say “yea, i’m doing this cause i need to save for a crib”
@The Champ,
True, but as gifted as some folks think they are at lying, time will tell the truth, lol.
good post. when I finished undergrad I moved back home. stayed there while I was in grad school and for 2 years after even when I had a “good job”. I wanted to move, but it really did allow me to save. It was great paying no rent! plus I’m an only child, my parents have always been extremely easy going–it wasn’t a bad experience at all. I probably would own a home by now if I stayed in my hometown, but I got an offer for a job out of state and the money I saved helped me move.
I don’t think I would move back home now, and I don’t really want a roommate either–I love my own space! but I would consider it for awhile to save for a house when I decide to move again.
@Reecie,
“plus I’m an only child”
yeah, thats an important factor as well. i mean, when you have six siblings still at home, moving back in and bunking with your baby sister aint whats hot in the streets (unless you’re the guy who directed the “killing me softly” video)
@The Champ, too soon champ…too soon
I graduated and had a plan to pay off my student loans in 3 years and use those same funds to save for 15% down on a house. New Orleans and my house didn’t work out like it should’ve but my loans were still good and paid off. ( Debt free is a beautiful thing) and not to be all for credit cards but I get over $200 a year cash back with my credit card…… they aren’t all bad you just have to pay it in full at the end of the month, or billing cycle. Good post good point.
@nolagirl,
lol, this comment sounds like the script for one of those debt counseling commercials they play while judge mathis is on
One problem with moving back home if you are guy is your father will try to get you to move back out, either because you are inadvertently blocking or because his idea of manhood is independence and not living at home. Hell my brother moved into my mother’s house and my father is trying to get him to move out when it isn’t his house and he hasn’t been married to my mother in over 20 years.
Another suggestion might be reversing that whole great migration thing, at least on the east coast, everything from DC to Boston is entirely too expensive and not really worth it.
@Losing It…,
i cant imagine a more awkward conversation than the one you’d have with your dad the day after his grown-ass son unintentionally cock blocked him
You know what, Champ? I see where you are coming from on this post and for some people, moving in with your parents after college and getting a job is a good idea. My little sister did it, partly because she was going to grad school back home in Dallas and my mom got sick and she was the only one to really take care of her because I was living in Mobile. It has helped my sister out a lot to where she saves her money, she has a good job and will pay her car off in a few months.
I, on the other hand, said f*ck that. I graduated May 7th, 2005. On my May 19th, 2005, I was on the road to Mobile, AL, with my car packed with just about everything I owned except for winter clothes. I love my mother to death and would not trade her in for anything or anyone in the world, but my greatest motivation for busting my ass in college was to not have to move back in with her. I am the only boy in the family and looked at as the man of the family, so I made it a point to not have to do that. I was glad I got a job before I even graduated and I moved to a place that had low property values. The only trade off was the state income taxes, but still, I was good. I had no credit cards in college. All I had was loans, so I had to build up credit because I couldn’t even get furniture when I first got my apartment, a nice one at that because I did not want to live in the hood just to save money. I slept on an air mattress and had a love seat for about 8 months before I built up enough good credit from paying my bills on time and paying my loans off before I could get some furniture. I wouldn’t trade those 8 months, because I saved money by living without that stuff so when I got it, I was ready. I lost my job in Mobile and I really thought about moving back to Dallas and if I did, I would have moved in with my mom for a few months just to get on my feet, but when I got a job offer in Houston, and, to my surprise, I was a 25 year old black man with good credit, I bought a house and I’ve been straight sense. If you want to or feel a need to move back in with your folks to help you get on feet after college, you got my love and respect on it because I understand. For me, it’s all about making better decisions while in college so you don’t look like an idiot afterward. If all you have to worry about is loans as far as debt right out of college, you are honestly doing better than the majority of the people in this country. Just my two cents and my experience.
**Side notes**:
1. I couldn’t be a grown man living at home with my mom. I wasn’t the cutest dude in the world and not the most confident either out of college, so being a guy that read comic books and play video games just to pass the time, living with my mom would have guaranteed dry wang for a long time. (Thank God I started working)
2. Like T-lee, it would take a dire situation for me to move back in with my mom. I mean DIRE.
3. I can’t do the roommate thing right now. I wouldn’t mind the extra cash, but I grew up broke, the money I make is good, and I have come to love peace of mind a little bit more than money.
4. I agree with DG. Being born and raised in the South and have only lived in the South, you folks up North and back East and back West can have keep that high cost of living bullsh*t. My first apartment was fairly new and was $730 for 2bd/1ba and was almost 1100 sq ft, with a fireplace. I would probably sh*t my pants if I found out how much that would be in DC, NY, Philly, LA or Boston.
@ComicBookGuy,
Yeah, hell would freeze over before I moved in w/ my mom b/c we haven’t been getting along and well…she likes to hold shit over your head…and I don’t like that at all. Hell, just a year ago….I didn’t know where the hell I was gonna live. She kept offering…I looked at my Ava (my car) and said I’ll sleep there before I move in w/ my moms.
But yeah, cost of living sucks up here…my first apartment was a 2 bedroom attic w/ a kitchen and bathroom. Me and my roomie painted it and made it look like something…the rent was $1,000…yeah you read that right. But it was a NICE neighborhood…and we both were willing to pay that…as opposed to maybe $200 less living in Newark somewhere.
@LaBakir,
I totally understand about paying a lot to live somewhere nice. My mom’s biggest fear for me out of school was that I was going to live somewhere cheap in a bad neighborhood to save money. I grew up in the hood and I live in the cheapest campus housing at PV, which was like living in the hood, so I actually wanted to live somewhere nice. The complex I lived was fairly new, very nice and full of 2520 families, so I didn’t have to worry about hoodrats and ninjas trying to break in. Hell, it had two koi ponds that would feed leftover bread to. The only thing in most newer apartment complexes in the south is that you can’t really paint and sh*t like that.
@ComicBookGuy, I lived in the hood the 1st 13 years of my life…then to suburbs we went. So while I know how to “survive” in the hood…I’m not trying to pay to live there,lol. They love to steal Hondas and I’d be damned if mine is missing one morning. Yeah, my little town was nice…I could go running and not worry about being jacked…go sit in the park across the street.
My landlord sucked…and the paint on the walls were white and not fresh. I hate white walls..and if she wasn’t gonna paint..then I was, so that’s how that worked out.
@La Bakir,
I feel ya on the Honda thing. I got one with chrome rims on it and at that time, I wasn’t even a year into paying on it, so I was not about to let anything happen to it.
@ComicBookGuy,
My current roommate wanted to move to Newark. It was a decent area, however the “hood, hood” was like right there. I know she wasn’t worried…she had a damn PT Cruiser…who wants to steal that? A funeral home director? *shrugs*
@LaBakir,
I know she wasn’t worried…she had a damn PT Cruiser…who wants to steal that? A funeral home director? *shrugs*
That just made my morning. Hilarious.
@ComicBookGuy, :p LOL…she loved that damn car too…would brag about it…I would just be like “oh” *insert blank stare*
@ComicBookGuy,
“1. I couldn’t be a grown man living at home with my mom. I wasn’t the cutest dude in the world and not the most confident either out of college, so being a guy that read comic books and play video games just to pass the time, living with my mom would have guaranteed dry wang for a long time.”
LOL. Sorry, but you are soooo right on this (minus not being cute).
“and I have come to love peace of mind a little bit more than money.”
Exactly. There are cerain things you can’t price and having peace of mind is one of them.
@Ivyette,
LOL. Sorry, but you are soooo right on this (minus not being cute)
Thanks. I think.
obviously living at home isnt for everybody. but i think those that can, shouldnt dismiss the idea completely. not if they want to be financially well off.
living at home isnt much of a reality for me since i havent gone to school in my home state since i was in high school. spent undergrad years in atl and now in pgh for my degree. PRAISE HAYSEUSS i dont have any student loans (yet… lol) to pay off and my degree is paid for AND paying me. so my debt is fairly minimal. pgh is hella cheap to live but even with all that, im not saving a ton of money nor am i able to make future plans (401k, ira, blah blah). so if i were back home in SD going to school, id either be living with the parental units or stayin with some other family member. becuz i know i want to own a home in the near future and be debt free and be able to travel and have a nice wedding and put away for my [future kids'] college tuition and basically be financially set — but its hard doing it on my OWN!
as for a mate living at home? as long as hes not at home just to be home (eating mama’s food, using up mamas g+e, getting laundry service, all the while not payin nan bill with no intention of moving out), i wouldnt think much about it. in general, in all facets of life, i need a guy with goals and aspirations, always ready to do better and be better.
@Gem of the Ocean,
“obviously living at home isnt for everybody. but i think those that can, shouldnt dismiss the idea completely. not if they want to be financially well off. ”
This kind of suggests that you can’t be financially well off without living at home?
@deviant,
no i didnt mean that, per se. i guess i should have expounded. i meant with the idea of saving your money and not necessarily blowing your whole check on rent and bills just to be “living on your own”. which is basically what im doing now.
I honestly wish I could still live at home. Once my father re-married…he moved in with his wife and well my error of living at home ended. I also think parents who don’t have degrees don’t understand how taxing it is to pay back student loans, credit card bills, etc all on a meager ass salary. That’s difficult when your salary is the same, if not more than your loans. When I have kids, I’ll get “it” and I would be willing and able to help them out like my parents didn’t help me.
I think I’m doing okay for myself: I’ve had a Roth IRA and life insurance for about 4 years now and I try to make my whack ass salary do what it do. Living at home, right about now…would definitely help me pay off some debt and save more.
Most of my friends were told they had to get out. Not that we wanted to. Hell, one of my friends has been living on her own since college..struggling to make ends meet.
If anybody in the NJ/NY area is looking to adopt me let me know
@LaBakir, *era
I can’t believe I made that mistake…era..not error
@LaBakir,
“If anybody in the NJ/NY area is looking to adopt me let me know”
I’m sure there are several dudes up there who are more than willing to be your sponsor, but that situation comes with a whole ‘nother set of problems…lol (Btw, I mean this in the most respectful way possible)
@DG, No offense taken
Yeah, I def don’t want any sponsors. My roomie recently acquired one which she calls her boyfriend: a 35 yr old ex-con,who is still a drug dealer, and lives with his OTHER girlfriend
but in her words…he’s a good provider
@LaBakir,
“My roomie recently acquired one which she calls her boyfriend: a 35 yr old ex-con,who is still a drug dealer, and lives with his OTHER girlfriend”
D@mn…smh.
@DG,
My sentiments exactly…for all of that…I’ll stay single
@LaBakir,
“If anybody in the NJ/NY area is looking to adopt me let me know”
I saw a few jobs in NJ/NY that I wanted to apply for. But when I think of the cost of living I don’t think I could do much but literally sleep, eat, an work there.
@Humble_One, I suppose I’m “used” to it. But it is expensive…and if I find another job here…all fine and will…but I’ve recently started actively applying for out of state jobs in places that aren’t extremely country to me and I can be happy. *sighs*
@LaBakir,
“but I’ve recently started actively applying for out of state jobs in places that aren’t extremely country to me and I can be happy. *sighs*”
This is the problem I have. All the places that I wouldn’t mind staying in have a high cost of living. I don’t want to be in a slow country place either. It seems that the only compromise b/w being in a urban environment and a decent cost of living are the big cities in the South. e.g. Houston, Atlanta
@Humble_One,
You’re in Detroit, right? Going from Detroit to NYC, cost-of-living wise, is like owning an old Bronco, then buying a Maserati…a lot more money for a lot less room.
I’m going thru something similar, only I’m considering DC….cost-of-living up there scares the bejeesus out of me.
MyDude lives with his parents. And I know without a doubt that it is a money decision.
Hell, I’ve been thinking about moving in with my sister and her fiance to save money my d@mnself. I’m paying $900 a month for rent. Why?
Going to go think about this some more. Be back. LOL!
On Twitter @SexyCool13
@SexyCool,
MyDude lives with his parents. And I know without a doubt that it is a money decision.
for curiousity’s sake, how do you handle, ummm, coital duties?
@The Champ,
Didn’t ya’ see the line where it says that “I’m paying $900 a month for rent.”?
LOL – ALL horizontal activities take place in my overpriced 2BR apartment just up the road from Tyler Perry Studios over on Greenbriar.
And after some thought, I’m just gone keep paying the cost to be the boss and sht.
**Putting myself out there**
I have been living at home since I graduated from college. More than 7 yrs ago. Why??? Well.. I’m blessed to have a job, but it was not the great dream job that I aspired for. I’ve attempted to move out of town to other places and to the “Land of Milk and Honey” bka Atlanta, but it was all for the WRONG reasons.. Yeah, a dude. I was once in the process of buying a house, like., about to sign the dotted line, but after looking at my budget through an Excel spreadsheet, I would just be proud to have a house but living on tuna fish and working an extra job for gas money. And I didn’t want to be in the position of bankruptcy or losing a house..That was the best move I ever made!! In addition, I went back to school to obtain my MBA…Now, more student loans that is more like a mortgage.
I’m fortunate enough to have a cool mother.. It’s just the two of us, I contribute to the house and I really have my own apartment like space, so it’s all good. Hindsight is 20/20 and there are somethings that i would have done differently a few years back, but now I am on the right track.. I’m saving, as well and managing my credit well so that I am in a good position when I go to home ownership. I’m blessed to have a job in this economy, too many people making that long money are getting downsized left and right.
On the bright side, I see changes happening, so, this year may be the breakthrough!
@AliLaine4,
“I’m fortunate enough to have a cool mother.. It’s just the two of us”
That’s how it was with us. She was a single mother, so we were essentially helping each other out (though, my teenage niece later moved in so she could go to a better school). And it’s good to have a cool mama…definitely takes out the major negative of not living on your own. And great that you have an apartment-like space. Good look!
@AliLaine4,
you thought about moving for a dude or to meet more dudes?
@The Champ,
For a “relationship”.
I lived with my mama about 2 years after graduating undergrad solely for the purpose of saving money to get my own place. It was very smart and though at the second year mark I was about to bounce out that piece (I’m the type that loves my own space and privacy), it had nothin’ to do with pride. First off, I’m very close to my mama (hell, I ended up moving down the street from the lady), and second, she never made me feel bad about it. We always viewed ourselves as a team and we figured we’re ultimately helping each other. I helped her pay bills in lieu of “rent” (that’s where the money would’ve went anyway) and we had a nice arrangement going on.
Because of her, I was able to buy my first condo at the age of 24. It’s not huge or anything — just a quaint one bedroom, enough space for me — but, I was proud of myself. And thankful to that classy lady I call Mama for being an integral part of me moving out the way I did. And I ended up living in a great neighborhood. I’m glad she raised me to be independent, but at the same time not ashamed to ask for help. I’m working on the latter since I have such an independent mind when it comes to finances, but I ultimately know she’ll be there for me without the “You owe me and you should be ashamed….SHAMED, I tell you” kinda spiel.
Bottom line, no matter how independent you seem, no one travels a road alone. Even if you don’t have the help of your parents, someone helps you along the way…in some manner. So, yeah, eff a pride (No Terrence Howard).
@Cheekie,
Even if you don’t have the help of your parents, someone helps you along the way…in some manner.
sounds like somebody’s been reading some gladwell
@The Champ,
lol
@Cheekie,
“Because of her, I was able to buy my first condo at the age of 24. It’s not huge or anything — just a quaint one bedroom, enough space for me — but, I was proud of myself”
I’m proud of you too…love hearing stories of ppl accomplishing goals, esp. at an early age. I wish more of us had the wherewithal and patience to see things through like this.
@DG,
“I’m proud of you too…”
Aw, thanks. *blushes*
When I got back from the war (oh you think I was just playing Captain?) I went back to live with the folks. I called it my “undesirable black man period. Although I was cheesed up from all that blood money, I didn’t find work for 6 months. I still managed to date, but I knew women were looking at me side eyed for living with the parents.
However…I got over that, even when I finally bought my own place. I see Latino families turning single family homes into workers barracks. Even though some folks laugh at the concept, imagine how much bread you could stack if you’re just contributing to bills instead of sinking $1200 into a mortgage or rent on your own. That concept is foreign to black folks and we make ourselves look stupid by trying to do the fly the coupe thing without really thinking about the long term results.
Another funny thing is, we are starting out a lot worse than others when we finance these expensive college tuitions and start out 30-80K in debt only to let our pride tell us that we have to have our own or else we are not “responsible adults.” I think the real reason it bothers some of us brothas is because we know we need a place to have chex and make that JO feel comfortable. The older you get, the less thrilling sneaking them through the basement becomes. Ok…just jokin on the last part…
@CPT Callamity,
(oh you think I was just playing Captain?)
the thought of you “playing” captain was much more fun and adventurous in my mind… *shrugs*
@CPT Callamity,
That is very true.
I have a coworker who is Southeast Asian. Both his brother and his families live together. Both have plum jobs that afford them a grand lifestyle. The wives have built-in support systems and the kids have automatic playmates. They are living in a huge house where he has one wing and his brother’s family has the other wing. The kids are all under 5. They plan on moving into separate dwellings when the kids grow up. The mother lives with them as well. Think about it: in Houston, the price for this huge house might be something like 300K and I am reaching here. That’s probably a mortgage of $2500 or so… They split that. They also save on daycare costs because the wives and the grandmother are home to take care of the kids. Can you imagine how much more money they are able to save/invest just by making this logical (to me) arrangement? Guess what? They own their own business on the side that they almost entirely financed by themselves.
Now if sacrificing a bit of privacy can lead me to this path of wealth creation, then I am all for it.
I don’t have a problem with any adult living with their parents to save scratch but it wouldn’t work for me. From a distance this may make an adult look like a loser but Solvency > than Image.
My home town is pretty much dead so there are no jobs, or leads in the area. It’s in the middle of now where and it would be pointless. You can’t save money if there aren’t any jobs to earn money.
My second issue is that my parents are probably much older than most the parents of my fellow VSB’s and VSS’s. My Mama Agent of M.E.is 72 and Pops Agent of M.E. is 78 so my 30 year old way of doing things wouldn’t be idea for theirs. (Besides, there are only so many episodes of Gun Smoke that I can watch before I crack up. Dope show but I just can’t do it.)
So if my parents didn’t live in a thrid world town, in a third world state I could possibly move in, but not for long.
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E.,
“Besides, there are only so many episodes of Gun Smoke that I can watch before I crack up. Dope show but I just can’t do it.)”
LMAO!!! Your Pops sounds just like mine! Except his show is Bonanza.
@miss t-lee,
F**king TV Land!
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E.,
You already know!
@miss t-lee,
My paternal grandma (who raised me as a child while my single mama went to work) loved both Gunsmoke and Bonanza. I was like 6 years old watchin’ Matlock, Perry Mason and ish. Like, how you gon’ be a child that watches “my stories”? lol
@Cheekie,
Your Grandma and mine were on the same steez. I swear I still hate In the Heat of the Night…ugh.
She did hip me to Cold Case a few years back, only tv show we’ve ever agreed on…lol
@miss t-lee,
*dying* @ In the Heat of the Night. Had me watchin’ that mess too. “In the heeeeeeeeeat offff the niiiiiight”. Whoever sung that thought they were a diva.
@Cheekie @miss t-lee,
In the Heat of the Night was my sh*t. I love the show and the movie. The version of the show’s theme done by Ray Charles is a classic. Sparta reminded me of my crime-ridden home town but with a ton more black folks. Chief Gillespie always killed me when he would yell, “Vurgulllll…”
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E,
The movie was good, the show? I could not get with.
@Cheekie
You know what’s up…lol
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E.,
(Besides, there are only so many episodes of Gun Smoke that I can watch before I crack up. Dope show but I just can’t do it.)
I feel ya, man. My mom and her family grew up on a farm and as a kid, her, my aunts and my older cousins would watch nothing but old westerns on TV; The Rifleman, Bonanza, Gunsmoke. Drove me crazy.
@ComicBookGuy,
It’s great tv that stands up over time but four episodes in a row? No sir, I didn’t like it.
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E.,
Shoot only 4 episodes? I was over at my Dad’s a few weeks ago and he was crunk because there was a marathon on. *side eye* He prolly didn’t leave the house all day. LOL
@ComicBookGuy,
lmfao. The Rifleman! That was another one of my granny’s trademark shows.
@Cheekie,
I enjoy the show but I always get pissed at the plot of the Rifleman. I’m like Lucas, ugh, do you really need a rifle to shoot that guy five feet away from you? I also got upset when the adults on the show never listened to The Rifleman’s kid, who had all the brains on the show.
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E.,
I couldn’t EVEN imagine having to move back to Allendale…
@DG, Allendale,SC? I went there once and this dog was laying in the street…I thought it was dead but alas he was not but I think he wanted to be. However, when the dogs are trying to commit suicide it must be pretty bad…
sn: I went to school wit a burnch of allendale folks
@sxyscientst,
Yeah, Allendale is a lil’ rough around the edges…good ppl there, but there’s absolutely nothing to do there…nothing. Ppl go to Piggly Wiggly and IGA for entertainment… I can’t imagine having to live there. And this:
“However, when the dogs are trying to commit suicide it must be pretty bad…”
Sadly, this is true for much of SC.
@sxyscientst,
With whom did you go to school with? Where did you go to school?
As for the dog, even Fido has a breaking point!
@DG,
That is a nightmare of mine. I have trouble spending four days in a row there. *shudders* A little rough around the edges? Really rough! My Pops said the most prophetic thing about 12 years ago. He say a white man driving a log truck and said “Things are only going to get worse if a white boy is doing that job.” He was correct.
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E.,
(Besides, there are only so many episodes of Gun Smoke that I can watch before I crack up. Dope show but I just can’t do it.)
this literally made me laugh aloud for two minutes
@The Champ,
Have you ever paid attention to a little kid that’s watching Dora the Explorer? Well westerns have the same effect on old black men.
Agreed. I’m 25 and I’m at home. I graduated at 22, moved home for 6 months until my internship turned into a job and peaced out on the parents for my own 600 sq ft apt.
Two years, a broken engagement and $4K in credit card debt later, moving home didn’t seem like too bad of an idea. I’ve been here for a year, will have my credit card paid off in two months and my broken heart is healed.
My parents have been great. It almost makes me cry thinking about how they’ve actually been HAPPY to have me back this last year. They don’t ask for rent, I pretty much handle my own groceries and I try to be home by 1 a.m. (I put this “curfew” on myself, just out of respect. Otherwise I just stay with a girlfriend).
I’m moving back out in May with a much better handle on my life. So yeah, being 25 sharing a bathroom with your little brother is hell on earth, but hopefully I’ve set myself up for a little piece of heaven when I move back out on my own.
@Ash,
Two years, a broken engagement and $4K in credit card debt later, moving home didn’t seem like too bad of an idea. I’ve been here for a year, will have my credit card paid off in two months and my broken heart is healed.
this sounds like the premise of a movie starring sandra bullock
This is an interesting post! This was forwarded to me by a friend, who is 30+ living with his mother. I’m assuming he sent this because he is trying to make a point or perhaps justify why he still lives with his mother.
I am ALL FOR saving for long term goals v. paying a landlord every month. Living at home after college (if possible) and saving to own property is the smart thing. I wish I had that opportunity. I probably would have saved $30k by now.
HOWEVER, living at home & spending money foolishly cannot be justified. I think at some point – every man needs to live on his own. Yes, you can save a buck here & there..but if you never left your mother’s “crib” & you are 30+ , that is alarming..
At the end of the day – to each their own. I know I am turned off at the idea that a guy is 30+ living at home and isn’t aspiring to be a homeowner within the next 5 yrs max.
I can see myself owning something in 2 yrs max and I paid rent alone for the past 3yrs. My homegirl just did the same too. Again, VSB – be careful what msg you put out there. All you have is mediocre guys justifying why they do something..when they aren’t really grinding.
@Empress,
Again, VSB – be careful what msg you put out there. All you have is mediocre guys justifying why they do something..when they aren’t really grinding
lol, i can almost imagine of bunch of dudes at their weekly “mediocre man” meeting passing out this entry with instructions to quote from it if a woman asks why he’s still at home
I can understand moving back home when you absolutely have to. But after reading many of the posts, it seems that some people glorify the concept of living for “free”. Nothing is ever free and if you live at home, then you (as an adult) need to be contributing to the finances of that house. Things may not always go well for people financially, but too many adults (25-40) race back home at the slightest sign of discomfort.
Also, why do so many of us have the main goal of owning a house? It’s like we move back home and want to save just for a house. There’s nothing wrong with that, but a person could just as easily save for another round of school, a chance to travel the world for a year(s), or to start their own business.
Just my observations.
@Ivyette,
I think part of it is that a lot of us did not grow up in houses as homes. We had a house from when I was 5 to 12 and we lived in an apartment until I was 21. It was the best my mom could do on a teacher’s salary and it was all bills paid. When she bought she lives in now, she wanted to something that she could leave to her kids and grandkids. Owning a house now is great because it does feel like something stable. I feel like from here, I can do anything else because I seem more grounded in house than I would in an apartment.
Just my opinion.
@ComicBookGuy,
“I think part of it is that a lot of us did not grow up in houses as homes.”
Oh, that makes sense.
“It was the best my mom could do on a teacher’s salary”
“I feel like from here, I can do anything else because I seem more grounded in house than I would in an apartment.”
True. Home ownership does make you more grounded. I think.
nod to the seemingly back handed compliment I gave you upthread.
Kudos to your mom, especially for being a teacher.
@Ivyette,
Appreciate it. I hate that she had to go into early retirement because of her diabetes. I give mad props to any educator out there. My mom could have easily gotten a job in the suburbs because she did not want to move out there. She stayed in the hoods of Oak Cliff and West Dallas and taught kids who were getting no kind of encouragement and confidence at home. I thank God for that woman everyday. She’s my favorite AKA, too. lol
@ComicBookGuy,
Whoa…you’re mom is an educator and an AKA? I am too. (This cyber thing can be a bit uncanny)
@ComicBookGuy,
That should be “your mother” (that 2.5 second edit feature needs to be improved)
@Ivyette,
I kinda peeped that from your screenname. Skee-Phi.
@ComicBookGuy, well I grew up in a house. the same one my parents still live in. its not THE ultimate goal to end all goals, for me personally, but a house is something I want eventually. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. depends on your location/station in life is how I see it…
@Ivyette, I agree. But when all that ends (travel, school)..you have to live somewhere..& that will be in your own condo/house/brownstone or with your parents. – we definitely need to live somewhere
@Ivyette,
“of the posts, it seems that some people glorify the concept of living for “free”. Nothing is ever free and if you live at home, then you (as an adult) need to be contributing to the finances of that house. Things may not always go well for people financially, but too many adults (25-40) race back home at the slightest sign of discomfort”
I assumed that if you move back home then you are contributing to the house. If you move back in with your parents you should be contributing to the household financial and maintenance wise. i have been asked to come home several times. I couldn’t do it. Even the times I had to cash bottles to put gas in the car I never felt it was bad enough for me to go back.
@Humble_One,
“I assumed that if you move back home then you are contributing to the house. If you move back in with your parents you should be contributing to the household financial and maintenance wise.”
Humph…you should peep some of the earlier comments. While some adults contribute, I can’t tell you how many of my friends balk at the idea of giving their parents money to help out.
“i have been asked to come home several times.”
LOL….I think about how my mom, when I come over, will sometimes ask me, “You sure you don’t want to spend the night? It’s so late.” Mind you, it’s only about 10:30, but my mom and dad care like that. Gotta love ‘em.
i’m planning on moving back home in the fall. my sister told me i could live in her basement for as long as i wanted to save money. separate entrance, kitchen, bathroom and 2 bedrooms. still trying to decide if i want to deal with my sister and her demanding ways though.
@Tunde,
my sister told me i could live in her basement for as long as i wanted to save money. separate entrance, kitchen, bathroom and 2 bedrooms. still trying to decide if i want to deal with my sister and her demanding ways though.
this sounds like the arrangement bubbles had with his sister on “the wire”
@The Champ,
it does. but she wouldn’t lock me downstairs though. lol
My two cents
When I graduated college I lived with a family member for about 6-8 months before getting my first apt. I’m sad to say that I didn’t save any money I just spent more. I moved out because I was tired of living with people, it wasn’t so much about pride as it was peace of mind. I just wanted some peace and quiet and some me time
I’m not in a position to live with my parents my father lives in the country and unfortunately my mother lives with me. It is a pain I can not wait for her to move out!!!
I’d have to say if I had the option I would not live with my mom (the savings isn’t worth the headache) although I could probably stay with my dad (not sure how his new wife would feel about that).
scrolling up to read the comments now…….
@OftenConfused,
I’m sad to say that I didn’t save any money I just spent more
this is a problem most of us have, actually, living at home or not
I can definitely relate to this post. I had to swallow my pride and move back home around Thanksgiving. I was living in this expensive condo downtown, then I got a new car, and my roommate moved to NY. I can’t afford the place by myself. So my mom convinced be to move back home. I really didn’t want to, I just felt like I was taking 2 steps back in my life. I went away to school to get away from my family (I love them but damn they get on my nerves). But sometimes you have to do things you really don’t want to. I am saving money but probably not as much as I could ( the mall just calles my name). I do plan on moving out within a year or maybe before I’m trying to move to Chicago. As far as dating I NEVER bring any dudes to my mom’s house, I think it’s disrespectful and she’s nosey.
@Britt,
As far as dating I NEVER bring any dudes to my mom’s house, I think it’s disrespectful and she’s nosey.
she doesnt ask to watch, does she?
So I get it. Living at home saves money- BUT that’s only if you’re diligent enough to do it.
I moved home after undergrad and less than a year later ‘got the itch’ to be grown and move out. 2 apts and less than 1.5 years later I was back. I told my mom I needed to ‘save for a few months’. I also decided I wanted to live the ‘Italian way’ and stay at the nest til marriage. The problem there is my negrodian arse ain’t Italian and promise of marriage is far and few between.
So after 2.5 years all I had was about $5 to show for my ‘living and home/save plan’….. I’m out again and saving come A LOT easier. 1. I have rent to pay so I can’t play around. 2. I feel the imperative NEED to keep rainy day money. At home both of these seemed frivolous and all I did was spend my check on bills, food, shopping and more food.
Yeah living at home can help but it’s also overrated if you don’t have serious commitment to save and be saved.
@Daydreamer,
Yeah living at home can help but it’s also overrated if you don’t have serious commitment to save and be saved.
so basically, living at home is exactly like church?
while im happy that so many people could move back home with their parents (i’m actually surprised by how many commenters are either doing or have done that), it could never be me. maybe it’s cuz i’m the most jamaican american anybody knows and have always had beaucoup jobs and income (i was accused of being a d-boy in college…), but i’ve always been able to stack cheese AND live on my own. even living here in DC, i’ve always been good.
but it is true, living with your parents should allow you to stack dough and figure out life a little easier since money is where most of us go wrong. just not an option for VSB P.
and i’ve dated chicks living at home with their parents. more than once. didnt bother me a lick. lol. i’m a big proponent of doing what you need to make it.
@Panama Jackson, “i’m a big proponent of doing what you need to make it”
and that right there is it ladies and gents
@Panama Jackson,
FYI this is offensive –> “maybe it’s cuz i’m the most jamaican american anybody knows and have always had beaucoup jobs and income”
For 1) I know plenty of lazy Jamaicans
And b) You could have said Mexican
@Panama Jackson,
“i’m a big proponent of doing what you need to make it.”
Cosign 110%. I had two work 2 jobs while pursuing an engineering degree.
@Panama Jackson,
(i’m actually surprised by how many commenters are either doing or have done that)
me too, actually. i figured that the suggestion itself would get virtual tomatoes thrown at the monitor
I’m 24 years old and unfortunately moving back home is not an option for me. I moved back home after college at 22 yrs old and stayed with my mom for a year. Unfortunately her house went into foreclosure early 2009 and we all had to separate. My mom is living with a friend, I’m living with friends of family, and my sister lives on campus. It was tough but I kept in mind that this is doable. I manage my money pretty well and cut back on a lot of expenses. I used to have the whole cell phone bundle data, unlimited text, etc plan. Not anymore! I have the lowest plan and pay $5 for 200 text messages.
I look out for sales, I get monthly train passes, I sometimes carry lunch for work, and I make sure I put at least $100 in my savings account every month. I was able to pay down one credit card with my tax return, and pay off another credit card with my savings. I paid off a $6000 + credit card debt in one year because I made it a priority. Now I’m working on paying off my loans. I make sure I check out my report every year to see where I stand credit wise. I plan on moving to NYC with two friends and we’re going to share an apartment. Heck I might even get a second job as a bartender for weekends to save more money because eventually, I want to buy a loft, and be a business owner.
So even though you don’t live at home with your parents, you can still save money if you’re willing to cut back on certain expenses and spend money wisely…
@Lu, I forgot to mention that I’m also saving money to get that Masters degree…
Keep your eyes on the prize
@Lu, You go girl! Good luck with everything
@Lu,
good luck with all of that and sh*t
welcome, btw (i think)
May I first say that I love this blog! I’ve been reading for a while and I am frequently inspired to reference the day’s post in conversation. I’ve never been moved to comment, but today’s topic is very relevant to me. I finished grad school almost two years ago. During grad school I lived completely alone and loved it. When I got a job a couple of months after graduation and moved back to Dallas, I moved in with my mother. I planned to move out immediately, but then my sister got engaged and we were planning a wedding. Then shortly after the wedding, I changed jobs. Now that there are no more big events on the horizon, I feel like it’s time to go.
There are two major reasons why I feel like living at home can be difficult. First, I have seen some of the discussion about how it’s ok for women to live at home but not men. That’s not been my experience. My guy friends constantly ask when I’m moving out (which might be b/c I don’t cook for them anymore living at my mama’s place) and I’ve met several guys who I feel like really look at me differently after they’ve been told that I live at home. I even met a guy recently that asked me if I was “not an independent woman” b/c my cell phone (which I’ve had since I was 18) is in my father’s name. It really hadn’t occurred to any of us that I needed to change it over. I pay the bill and it’s not a matter of bad credit. When he said that, I couldn’t even imagine telling him I live with my mother. (He was an a**hole anyway, so no worries over him. But still…)
The other reason is this. I need SPACE! I know it’s been mentioned elsewhere, and it’s definitely a factor for me as well. I liked living alone so well, that now, I’m almost anti-social. I feel like an adolescent who never wants to leave her room. I like home to be where I go when I’m done socializing. Before my sister got married, it was her, my mother and I living together. That’s just two other people and I felt like the whole world was in my house. Now it’s just my mom and I still feel crowded. I feel like I would want to spend more time with my mother if I wasn’t living with her. Now, I feel like, “I’m pretty sure we just spoke on Tuesday…”
@jai de vivre,
welcome and sh*t.
and yeah, this is my first hearing of a woman having dating difficulty because she lived at home. learn something new everyday and sh*t
Maybe I don’t speak for everyone but I think most of us VSSs might initially give a guy the side eye for still living at home with the parents… (In NY its not all that uncommon. And if not a parent, an aunt/uncle, etc.) I mean if you met a decent guy and he had a steady gig and was legit and all that and said he was living at home to save money for buying a house, I don’t think anyone could be too mad at that unless the girl’s of the especially stuck up prissy bitch variety. (Not too mention she better have her sh*t straight if she’s gonna be on some judgemental sh*t)
However, D’Quan living at home in his mother’s basement working as a bus boy at Eat’N Park…. ummm not so much
@BKSweetheart,
lol, i dont think d’quan the busboy has to worry about too many vss’s sweating him anyway
Nah, can’t co-sign this meme.
Staying at home is not the business.
Reducing your spending is a good way to amass wealth, but reducing spending by becoming a moocher is a sucka move.
Yes, rent is expensive. Yes, it’s easier to save money if you’re living rent free, or if you’re only paying a pittance.
It’s also easier to save money if you don’t go into debt to go to school. And if you don’t hit the clubs regularly, buy name brand clothing, or drive a car. Plus, if you’re going to pay rent, maybe you should consider avoiding the overpriced trendy complexs and check out something in the hood. Maybe you should try bringing your lunch to work everyday instead of going out. Maybe you should try shopping at the discount supermarket and clipping coupons.
What you shouldn’t try is convicing your parents who have taken care of your black butt for 21 years to continue supporting you so you can amass more wealth. Just because they love you.
I believe that YOU should sacrifice before you expect others to sacrifice.
@Big Man,
Co-sign everything you just said.
@ComicBookGuy, @Big Man
I cosign & I’m a girl!
@Big Man,
*what’s up head nod*
@Big Man,
“Reducing your spending is a good way to amass wealth, but reducing spending by becoming a moocher is a sucka move.”
Nah, I still say it’s not that black and white. You’re only a moocher if the person you’re (allegedly) mooching off of, says so. Not someone from the outside. I lived with my mama two years after graduating. Sure by me being there I made the bills a bit higher (not THAT higher since I wasn’t even in that sucka most of the day), but also by me being there, there were bills she didn’t have the pay period. She was a single mother so by me being there, I was essentially helping her out as well. It was a teamwork kinda thing, not just me laying up in the house saving money.
“It’s also easier to save money if you don’t go into debt to go to school.”
Which ain’t easy to avoid for a lot of folks.
But yeah, I get where you’re going with the other stuff. Hell, I apply a lot of those principles NOW. Especially the bagging lunch thing. MAN, that saves beaucoup dollars.
@Cheekie,
Here is where the Champ’s logic causes me a problem.
He proclaims staying at home as a benefit for parents and children. I’m trying to figure out how that works.
It always costs more to have extra people living in a home. Food, electricity and other assorted bills. How much are people kicking in to their parents for these costs?
If you are kicking roughly the same thing you would be out in the world, how does that benefit you? If you are kicking in less than what it costs your parents for you to be in their home, how does that benefit them?
The optimal thing would be to figure out how much your presence costs your parents, then offset that cost, while still staying below what you would normally spend to be a live at home adult. But, from what I can tell, that’s not what typically happens.
I have a problem with any situation where one party suffers so that another party can benefit, and I wouldn’t want to participate in something like that with my parents. Even if they were cool with it.
Plus, I need my space. My parents weren’t the type to let me run the streets, come home at any time, or be spending the night away from the crib. Therefore, staying at home would have been an extended childhood. I didn’t want that. I wanted my freedom, and the responsibility of having to figure out how to solve my problems on my own. Hell, when I picked my college, I purposely choice a place that was really far away from home so I couldn’t be asking my folks for help all the time.
Bottom line, I think it’s quite possible to amass wealth while living away from home.
@Big Man,
“It always costs more to have extra people living in a home. Food, electricity and other assorted bills. How much are people kicking in to their parents for these costs?”
It varies, obviously, from parent to parent and how much they charge a their kid living in the house. And like I said, I wasn’t usin’ that much electricity if I’m gone about 9 hours out the day, 5 days a week (and weekends, I’m usually out), 3-4 I MAY use electricity, and the rest of the night I sleep. So, if both people are working steadily, the utilities ain’t being used that much more. It’s the same way with my own crib now. I’m barely effing there. And it’s about the same for anyone else living full time.
“I have a problem with any situation where one party suffers so that another party can benefit, and I wouldn’t want to participate in something like that with my parents. Even if they were cool with it.”
But, by using your logic, your (I’m using a general ‘your’…as I don’t know how you were raised) parents were “suffering” while they raised you as a child. They had just as many bills to pay with a child living there, probably more in some cases (summertime kids are home more often vs. there not being a summertime for a lot of people that don’t work at a school). Unless by “suffering” you didn’t mean finances, you meant something else?
“Plus, I need my space.”
Yeah, actually this is the reason why I did move out as soon as I could. I’m a very private person, but it had nothing to do with “guilt” or “shame”. Because of me staying with my mom as long as I did, I was able to pay her back in more ways than one. And the main reason I DO still help her out financially is directly tied to her NOT making me feel like I owe her something or making me feel as if I was mooching off of her by staying.
@Big Man,
It definately isnt for everyone, but in my situation, it was mutually beneficial for both parties.
My parents paying down 4 mortgages and othe misc debts, so the money I was able to kick in did free up a little more money for them to pay off their debts. Albeit, it wasn’t a lot, but it did help.
As far as using all the resources, I also paid the bills/ expenses that were impacted as a result of me living there (i.e. groceries and electricity)
In my case, i was paying a lot less than i would’ve been if i was living on my own. The cost of living in Chicago is ridiculous, so an extra few hundred dollars living at home was def. better than the $840+ I’m payin now on my own.
You’re right tho, in that you will def have to sacrifice some freedom, but it can work out well under the right circumstances.
I may be the exception and not the rule tho, idk
@Big Man,
I have a problem with any situation where one party suffers so that another party can benefit,
Please describe the “suffering”.
My parents WOULD love to have us back at home. Love, love, love it. Their house is paid for. The bills won’t change that much. Heck, my mother still sends me “birthday money” to tide me over when I absolutely don’t need it. In turn, I will do any and everything to help them out. My father and his siblings are building a dream house for my grandma. I told him to not worry that I will contribute his part. I am taking care of my younger sister to ease the burden of them paying for the school fees. And that’s how the cookie crumbles. I help out my sisters and my folks whenever I can… We are a unit. And as a unit, we think about how the parts collectively gain vs how the single person loses/wins.
My S.O stayed in his “ancestral” home (think his Grandfather’s house) until he was able to finance his own venture with no loans. All his uncles (younger) stayed in the house until they got married, and used the money not wasted on rent to fund ventures. Again, this might be cultural… why waste money on rent, if I can use that money to make me wealthier? Especially if the protagonists are not the least bothered? Which parent wouldn’t want to see their kids thrive just because they need their space that bad? I don’t know but it’s not been my experience.
@Big Man,
see, i think that in order to try to reverse the wealth situation, we need to start thinking and doing shit differently. and, even though i’m not suggesting that everybody just run back home, i dont think that option should be stigma worthy
also, my entry is actually geared more towards “what we could have done if we had to do it over” instead of “what we all need to do right now”. basically, i’m asking myself and the rest of the vsb’s if this was an idea we should have considered instead of completely dismissing it.
btw, on an emotional level actually agree with much of what you’re saying, but i’ve seen too many other groups of people use this to their advantage as a way of accumulating wealth that i can’t help but wonder why we’re the only ones who frown so harshly on this concept.
@The Champ,
I think those other groups, particularly the minority ones, do the stay at home thing in conjunction with the better use of resources thing.
Plus, don’t forget that many 2520s are allowed to get CRAZY credit, and thus can live life at a level black folks cannot understand. If they get better interest rates, get paid more for the same work, get better credit scores and have higher home values for the exact same homes, then it’s easier to amass wealth.
I remember the Chicago Sun Times did a series a few years back detailing how a home in a black neighborhood was worth considerably less than a similar sized home in a white neighborhood, even when the white neighborhood had a HIGHER crime rate. That right there causes a chain reaction as far as amassing wealth.
I agree with you that people who stay home for a few years early on to get a better start shouldn’t feel like bums, but only if they are staying home with the idea of doing more later. Not just staying home because it’s easier.
@Big Man,
Oh, Big Man. Best to watch ya neck typing that kind of stuff!
@Big Man, but it’s so not a morality issue.
If a young adult stays at home and doesn’t pay full rent, they’re parents’ expenses will increase in the short run. But Champ, and the study he referenced are about long run, multi-generational wealth. If parents have to take a short run loss to ensure not only the long run stability, safety and comfort of their family — their grandchildren and great grandchildren, — but also a comfortable retirement for themselves, insured or directly supported by their children, who they helped, then the short run loss is the right move for everyone.
Framing the problem in terms of personal character significantly precludes the possibility of adopting long term strategies needed to build wealth.
@Big Man,
why not live at home and amass wealth so you CAN go to the club regularly, buy expensive clothes, eat out at work more regularly, and buy a nice car? Why live hand to mouth when you have the opportunity to set yourself up to get wealthy? If your parents love you, then you are not getting in the way. I dont want my child going through what you just described…(Living in the hood, clipping coupons and taking the bus everyday)
@Big Man,
I will blame cultural differences… because this is NOT at all the way we see things.
But hey, that’s why we have culture… so we can be different.
Also, I don’t understand how staying at home can benefit you and your parents.
If you’re paying them enough money a month to truly help with the bills, then you’re probably spending the same thing you would be spending to rent an apartment.
And if you’re not really paying that much, then how exactly are you helping them?
@Big Man,
Agreed on both comments. Sacrifice is key. I’m an avid lunch bringer AND I’m a certified coupon clipper now!!!
OH, and folks don’t sleep. Those going back to grad school, take note: Government assistance is available to us! aka Food Stamps! My mama always said there is nothing wrong with having them for ASSISTANCE; not LIVING. Ever wonder why Aisha was always cooking mad food for the guys on campus back then? She won’t rich!- Food stamps. I never took the time to do it then. But I will NOW!!!
Pride is not too great for me not to apply for that good EBT card come Fall 2010. What I love more than discounts is FREE. EBT is accpeted in most places- including Trader Joes! Score! #studentliving
@Big Man, Very good points and I agree. I go to my parents and get my mom’s food for the week (she cooks big on sundays anyway), brown bag that for lunch and eat dinner out of it. Browse websites and the coupon bag that gets thrown in front of the building for savings. I work p/t at a retail spot, so my clothes (when I do shop) are always deeply discounted, and MTA is my buddy for life. You’re right, if you want to save money, you can save money, no matter if you’re at home or living on your own. It’s all about dedication and sacrifice.
@Big Man, If you’re paying them enough money a month to truly help with the bills, then you’re probably spending the same thing you would be spending to rent an apartment.
And if you’re not really paying that much, then how exactly are you helping them?
Bingo!
@Big Man,
I think the “helping” in the financial way is a bit of a missed opportunity.
The electric bill is not going to go from $200 to $500 when you start staying at your folks. Nope it’s not. They are going to be paying the mortgage whether you live with them or not. You can contribute in groceries and any other thing you like. The cable bill would have been the same anyways.
I wonder why the psychological component of living with one’s family is not being mentionned. Maybe because my family is very close-knit, I suffered from being away from them… psychologically. The warmth and stability/solidity of a family can not be bought.
My father has been here for a week now… and we are back to having dinners together at 8pm. Thing that my sister and I had long let fall by the wayside. It makes my day brighter and helps me look forward to going home every day. I don’t know that alone is worth all the sacrificing I can think of.
Another study on the dismal reality of black women???? I’m not into conspiracies but all these so-called statistics that are always flooding these so-called *black* websites has me looking at them sideways and logging off.
moved back home btw undergrad and grad….
moved out when mom’s started “talkin you gonna pay citay rent up in here”
“if i’m payin dc rent….i’m livin in the citay…PEACE!”, say I.
it’s still sore point to this day…..years later.
I’d move back in min just to be near mom and pops tho….money ain’t the issue…and ownin houses ain’t all it cracked up to be….
i own cause rentin with four kids ain’t an option….y’know?
no kids no own…a house ain’t worth shi*t if somebody don’t wanna buy it….
Great topic and good comments made by readers. I won’t judge anyone that decides to live at home (male or female). I’m 26, live in Bklyn, moved out at 25. I work two jobs: a career 9-5 and a retail spot on the weekends. Unlike most people that moved out, moving out has helped me CUT expenses – for one, my therapy sessions (I’m dead-ass; I used to have WEEKLY sessions). I visit my family (30mins on the B41) on the weekends and I really do love them, but LIVING with them is not good for my health at all. I envy those with large homes and bestie-relationships with their parents and siblings *sigh* (I feel the chunks forming in my throat thinking how unfair it is). In any event, I’m not in debt, I went to CUNY, so no large loans. I learned from my parents mistakes and I’m not drowning in credit card debt either. I have two 401(k)s, all the insurance I need (FSA too), and I’m applying to grad school soon. I pay 925 for a 1br in flatbush and I can’t complain.
There’s nothing else I can say that hasn’t been said already. It’s great to read the comments from those in the midst of the “getting our own” struggle. Thanks for sharing and you all just made my next couple months a little better. Best of luck to everyone.
This post hits home for me as well. I went to school in Ohio, and when i graduated, I moved back home to Chicago to live with my parents. I dont regret the decision at all. It was the best option for me at the time. I lived at home for 4 years before moving into my own apartment 6 months ago. In that time, i was able to buy a “new” used car, put a dent in my student loans and pay off some other debt, and put some money away in savings. In turn, I also helped my parent with a couple of large utility bills, groceries, etc.
One thing that made it easier for me was that my parents were cool. My parents are Haitian and really expected me to stay home until i got married. I had a good job and paid my fair share, so they didnt try to get in my way at all. I was free to come and go as I please, there was little nagging, and they were pretty busy themselves, so i could go days without seeing them. It was a win-win for everyone. They were hurt when I actually moved out and still ask me when I’m moving back in.
The only reason I moved out was because I was starting to get restless and complacent and felt I needed my own space to continue my growth.
Shortly after I graduated college I dated a guy who still lived at home. He was working on finishing his degree and his parents’ house was huge and rarely did our paths cross when I was there. Dude’s dad was away on business a lot and his retired mom often traveled with the dad so most of the time it was just us. I do remember his mom yelling upstairs once to ask what we were doing in that tone of voice that only nosey mothers can speak in. Even though it wasn’t a “rule” per se we always left the bedroom door if they were home. His room screamed “I’m a teenaged boy” with pics of models and actresses all over the walls.
I never really got comfortable with having breakfast with the family as he and his dad were always making pancakes and bacon in the morning. We never had sex (let alone slept together) while his parents were there but I always felt dirty in the morning. He and his mom were on some Oedipus type sh*t when his dad wasn’t around. Needless to say it didn’t work out.
Anywho, a male friend from high school has never, ever moved out. Ever. This dude has two children and two babymamas and no prospects of going anywhere. He is the manchild epitomized as he not only lives with but also works for his parents in their family’s daycare. He has no skills and no car and I imagine his check goes to child support. It’s a pie job as you can tell when he’s “working” because during that time he’s online on FB for roughly 6 hours straight. I just don’t get it. He’s relatively attractive, has no problem getting dates, and just recently beat a paternity suit. I can’t for the life of me figure out what women see in him and why the want to procreate with his type.
At this age (I’m 29) I wouldn’t be too open to dating a man who lives at home without a warranted reason (ailing parents, fell on hard times, etc.). It took me a while to get used to a dating men with roommates but I eventualyl got over myself. I moved back home for four months a few years ago when the closing on my house fell through. It was the absolute worse time in my life so much so that I (stupidly) bought a condo that I did/do not want just to get the hell out of there. My sanity and spirit left me during that time. It was the only time that I lived at home after leaving for college and I dare not say I’ll never go back because I’m not even trying to tempt fate.
@AtypicalLibrarian,
“Anywho, a male friend from high school has never, ever moved out. Ever. This dude has two children and two babymamas and no prospects of going anywhere. He is the manchild epitomized as he not only lives with but also works for his parents in their family’s daycare. He has no skills and no car and I imagine his check goes to child support. It’s a pie job as you can tell when he’s “working” because during that time he’s online on FB for roughly 6 hours straight. I just don’t get it. He’s relatively attractive, has no problem getting dates, and just recently beat a paternity suit. I can’t for the life of me figure out what women see in him and why the want to procreate with his type.”
and with that you described my 30 year old youngest brother, with the exception that he has no children (that we know of), or a job, but has plenty of women callers. I dont know what they see in him. My brother is attractive but he is jobless and really doesnt do anything productive, none of these women seem the slight bothered coming to my parent’s house to chill with him and do God knows What in that messy room of his.
@Intellectual Hedonist,
Do I know you? Oh, wait, my friend just turned 31 and he’s the oldest so we can’t be talking about the same person!
@Intellectual Hedonist,
I know 2 dudes like your brother. They stay in some p***y. I don’t get it. Especially at our age (late 20s – early 30s). I really scratch my head at the women that deal with them.
I think it’s a riddle of life that the average median wealth of black women is $5 bucks when every single black woman I see in the projects is rocking a $500 lace front weave. WTF?
Who ever did this study obviously never made it to Budstuy to talk to the owner of Re Re’s Bump N Curl.
@Brettandthecity, LMAO @ Re Re’s Bump and Curl
@Brettandthecity, there cannot be a shop in budstuy called Re Re’s Bump N Curl. There cannot be.
4 years ago when i broke off a 14 year relationship and stood at my parent’s driveway and told my dad that the ex was moving out at the end of the month. My father looked at me lovingly and asked, “when are you moving back home?” I must have had a look on my face that led him to believe I imagined a beanstalk had just grown out of his nose because just as quickly he said, “or are you staying in your house”. Since then I have struggled to keep my sanity purchased, and remodeled a house, then decided to walk away from that house because I hated being a home owner (never want to do that alone again), I switched jobs, traveled around the world and landed right back in the very bedroom i grew up in. Yep, in December I swallowed that bitter pill called pride and moved back home. Honestly its the best decision I ever made. Since moving back home, I have actually been able to start paying down some debt i incurred (from just dropping everything to travel around the world for 4 months) and am starting to quickly come above water. My parents are active with their own stuff so are hardly home and I still travel enough where I am not bothered by them and they seem the least bothered by me. My mom cooks meals that I like, cause everyone else doesnt keep her company, I get to do my laundry, I have access to cable on several televisions, and I am not expected to wash dishes every night but most importantly I come and go as i please with hardly any inquiry. My mom is nosey more than concerned.
So I type all that to say: I am a 38 year old Latina raised in the US and recently have moved back into my parents house, and can honestly say it is not as bad as everyone thinks.
@Intellectual Hedonist,
I think VSBers have those “cool” parents that I dreamed about in high school.
24, and been @ home 2yrs this summer since graduation. It aint no secret this job market looks like shit, so I work a decent 9-5 hourly gig now, back in school getting my masters and credentials (finished in Nov, woohoo and shit), and plan to be out the door by jan 11′.
I’ve been stacking my chips up and living the life, compared to my friends who have been working “real” jobs since graduation, but still eating noodles and shit and stacked tighter than La Amistad in shoe box ass apartments.
Whatever ninja’s. I’ll stick with my finished “basement apt” @ my aunties house, w/ free wifi,satellite, office, private bathroom and spacious living room and bar.
Wow. These comments are interesting. Well I lived at home for several years, worked two jobs, stacked my dough, and I guess like those white social worker/teacher types you mentioned above, am now a homeowner and have savings to fall back on. And I bought when interest rates are low and Obama’s gonna give me 8 stacks! What, what. Anywho. It worked for me – but only because I had a plan and focus.
It seems odd that Black folk are the main ones like, “oh hell no! Get out into the world and sink or swim,” instead of supporting our children to be financially prepared. This does not mean it has to be years – even one year of saving can give you a leg up. I know that June, (the older Korean woman who does my eyebrows) told me to just live at home until I was married. Now, that’s where I had to let her know I am a Black woman, so that might not happen til I’m like 42, so I had to be out. But from her POV, there was no rush. And I get it. My mama always said, “you have your whole life to work.” Ain’t that the truth. Well you have your whole life to pay bills and more bills. It’s nice to have a cushion to do so.
@Rum Punch,
We are here ><. Especially on that 8 stacks! Cheah!
I agree with most of the post, but I tried to do it the “American Way” after college moving back home with my parents, I was there for almost a year and it nearly drove me CRAZY!! While there sacrificing my sanity I saved for a house, put a huge down payment on my home, fixed it up nicely just to have an appraiser come this year and tell me the value of my home isn’t worth a Mcdonalds happy meal, because of the recession!! So now I have what is to be believed as the “American Dream” that is costing me more than it is worth. So if I could do it all over I would forgoe living at home with my parents; get me a nice apartment (that is maintenance free) and find a better way of saving money outside of owning a home. Just my thoughts on the whole “American Dream thing”.
@Sunshine’s back, aint that sum shit!
I’m in no rush to be a homeowner, mainly cause I know I will bounce around for a few years until I settle down and get ready to build with someone.
My mom got married a few years ago, and finally achieved her “dream” of being a homeowner back in 07. Well, the market tanked, the only half of the homes in her new subdivision are completed, and the rest of the houses and lots in her neighborhood are selling for less than half the original value. Womp Womp…
@I’llgiveitatry, “I’m in no rush to be a homeowner, mainly cause I know I will bounce around for a few years until I settle down and get ready to build with someone.”
Ditto.
@Sunshine’s back,
I had a house and 3 cars in my mid 20s. It was all gravy until the economy here started to tank. If I had to do it again I would have kept my money in the bank and got a modest apartment. A house is a huge responsibility. It’s not as simple as just paying rent.
@Sunshine’s back, the American Way…American Dream…is utter bs,lol
I think it is a good idea though its something I didn’t want to do when I finished school. hindsight. Its a good idea only if you are socking away the amount you would spend on rent and otherwise living as an adult. And I think its easier for women to do then men. Women can say they live at home but a man?? red flags. Ask me how I know. Why is it that the other persuasion will bunk up 10 deep in a house…you don’t see US doing that at all. I need my own bathroom, debt be damned!
I used to date a guy that lived at home. Other than dorm life he’d never lived away from home. Didn’t go away for college, just lived in the dorms. He had a master’s degree. 28 years old. first he told me he was saving for a house. Then he admitted he only had 400 effin dollars in the bank. Then as I got to know him and he shared his career (or lack there of) history, I realized this nucka never earned enough to live on his own anyway. and this was in a mid-sized southern city (i.e. CHEAP!) Not only that but his financial responsibilities were his car note, cell phone, and some student loans. His arse didn’t even buy groceries. This is where things began to unravel for me. But I can only blame myself-when people show you who they are, believe them. His mom was a huge enabler though. I mean outside of romantic activities, he pretty much functioned as her husband.
I have been a home owner since I was 24/25. I stayed with my parents until I was 24/25. I didn’t have to move out but I felt it was time. My parents have a decent size house 3 floors, finished basement, 4 bedrooms, and 5 bathrooms. I left the house because I wanted more space and I was tired of my Dad. My mom wanted me to stay. I think that Black folks still have this mentality that you can do the same thing now that you could do back in the 50s – 70s in your 20s. For baby boomers it was easy to go to college for 4 years come straight out and start life. Here in Detroit you could come out of high school making a decent living. Those days are gone. I think you should stay at home until you are financially ready to leave.
I think another reason people move out sooner than they should is the “I am ___ years old and I should have this and be here in life” mentality. While I there is some validity to this I think the pressure to have a nice house, condo, new car, etc. by the time you are in your late 20s is ridiculous. At this time you are finding yourself, getting financially established, and hopefully having no responsibilities outside of your own well being. I see no reason to burden yourself with “material responsibilities” when you are working with a entry level job with entry level pay.
@Humble_One, I didn’t even need to post. i should have just said COSIGN
this thread is right on time…my #2 would be to PAY FOR CHILD’S EDUCATION NOW…
yes, plan ahead by putting aside $50 a month the day you find out what the sex of the baby is so that when your child graduates, he/she has NO DEBT!
we do our children a disservice when we say “you’ll appreciate it more if you pay for it”
LIKE HELL!
I’ll be paying for it for the next 20 years.
@jenifer daniels, I can’t agree with this more!
@jenifer daniels,
Saving money for college is smart.
My folks just told my brother and I at 8 and 9 that we had to get straight As for the rest of our lives and get a scholarship.
That worked, but I can see how your way might have been better.
@jenifer daniels,
yes, plan ahead by putting aside $50 a month the day you find out what the sex of the baby is so that when your child graduates, he/she has NO DEBT!
Agreed. I can’t thank my parents enough for not having any school debt. And they did it with their measly 3rd world country currency. I can’t even think of not doing the same for my kids. It would just be too unfair.
I definitely have some insight into this. I am a 33 recent college graduate (long story about why I waited a minute to finish my degree) and live at home with my mom because I frankly never left. It is difficult to admit because many people my age have at least had their own apartments and/or lived with roommates at some point in their lives; but not me. I decided to go back to school in 2004 because I was wasting my life working shit jobs and doing absolutely nothing- just to turn around and have the job situation be as shitty since 2001. My mom said it would be a good idea to live at home because she said I needed to finish my degree and get on with life- so I did. Now, all the plans I had as far as finally getting my own place and having that great job are sooooooooo far from reality right now it’s ridiculous.
Living at home at this age is very hard, I don’t feel like an adult- PERIOD!
I am not living life just merely existing and trying to survive- is this what we are supposed to be? Don’t think so. Some people may not agree with what I say or even the fact that I’m still living at home but with student loans and other debt- what else am I supposed to do, be homeless?
BTW, I certainly don’t think that just because some people have their own material statuses (house, car etc.) that they have life figured out- I think a lot of people who got those things earlier in life are FAR from perfect/ mentally stable… *ahem* TIGER WOODS, LINDSAY LOHAN, BRITTANY SPEARS*ahem*
@Seeing_Red,
I feel you on the school thing. I had one foot in school one foot in the streets. Fortunately I have worked in my field while in school so I have the experience of someone older. The good thing is that you are done. From observing other people it is harder to start school after 30.
@Seeing_Red,
” I am a 33 recent college graduate”
Congratulations! I’m a non traditional student also.
Best of luck.
I think everyone should live @ home after college. I moved out and lived check to check for a while and moved right back home lol. It might be a cultural thing but my parents were begging me to come back home. My mom thinks I am americanized because I don’t want to stay with them until I am married. UGH! Anyway the point of my post is I am now in my late 20s and own my place(no mortgage) that would NEVER have happend had I not moved back in with los viejos (the olds as my bro and I call them) I would still be flushing my money down the toilet every month and making my landlord rich.
My boyfriend did the same thing and he owns his place too. He lived @ home when we met but that was never a big deal for me because “back home” thats what people do.
@CrissieD,
with los viejos (the olds as my bro and I call them)
Oh my god, that’s how we call our folks too “les vieux” (the olds!)
But I agree with you, it’s probably cultural…
@humble_one,
I know!! Everyone thinks that owning a home is the way to go,but it’s so much work that goes into being a home-owner, sometimes I just don’t feel like cutting the grass or shoveling the damn snow!!! Oh and don’t let a pipe break..WTH!!! Just to find out that one of the reasons the economy is so bad is because of all these damn home owners getting mortgages that they can’t afford in the first place!!! Pah leese!! Give me a apartment anyday!! No I can’t swallow living back at home with my parents( GOD BLESS THEM), But I sure as hell would think twice before I sign my John Hancock on anything that lasts for 30 years!!
@Sunshine’s back, Thats why I got a condo
I doubt I will ever buy an actual House.
@ Humble_One, I agree with you a hunnid (100%).
I lived at home for a year after grad school and I saved almost nothing. Why, you ask? No opportunity. My parents’ home wasn’t financially sound to begin with. They were in debt, bad spending habits, debt, etc. And all that was reinforced while I was there because I never learned any better. I wasn’t any closer to being financially responsible than I was in college. I was basically a boarder. I had to feed myself, pay rent, pay bills, transportation costs, etc. And I lost all my personal freedoms and any semblance of privacy. I didn’t even have a real bed because what use to be my room was now an office.
While I don’t disagree with the basic idea that living at home CAN allow you to save money, I don’t think it’s the catchall for why *we* aren’t a wealthy people.
The real issue here is good money management skills and financial savvy. Like someone mentioned upthread there are other ways to save money. Roommates. Letting go of your ideal apt. Brown bagging your lunch. WATCHING YOUR SPENDING.
One of the huge disparities between the wealthy and un-wealthy is that wealthy people tend to buy what they can afford versus what they can purchase. I can go out right now and buy a $3000 widget. I have the money BUT I can’t afford that sh*t, because tomorrow I’ll have virtually spent everything in my bank account. I have the money to buy many a name brand item and trinket but I can’t really AFFORD to do so.
How many of you know people who buy their kids name-brand clothing, jewelry, x-box, wii, ps3, psps, hd tv;s, cell phones, etc. Stuff they don’t need and won’t use in a year. We waste our money in the name of status and then cry foul when someone points out our error. WTF is that?
Another difference is how you define wealth. Are we talking assets > liabilities? Because if that’s the case, in our society, in America, being $5 in the black when our entire economic system is built on debt, and the people we’ve been compared too have had like a four-century head start isn’t all that bad.
Again, I’m not against living at home. It didn’t work for me but everybody’s different. I just don’t think it should be the go to strategy because it may not work out as well as planned. Instead I think those of us who are more financially wise should “go tell it on the mountain” about what good spending practices and savings can do for your people in the long run. Stop telling me about the latest spanx or the newest game system that’s coming out and hook me up on some investment strategies*!
*And investment does not mean thinly veiled pyramid scheme. I’m looking at you Melaleuca, Quixtar, and ACN!
@deviant,
“And investment does not mean thinly veiled pyramid scheme. I’m looking at you Melaleuca, Quixtar, and ACN!”
If I have another ninja approach me with this BS. They swear it’s not a pyramid scheme. I got into a few arguments with dudes trying to get me into this.
@Humble_One,
I keep trying to explain to folks that the only people making real money with those things are the ones selling the books and hosting the seminars.
@deviant, How many of you know people who buy their kids name-brand clothing, jewelry, x-box, wii, ps3, psps, hd tv;s, cell phones, etc. Stuff they don’t need and won’t use in a year. We waste our money in the name of status and then cry foul when someone points out our error.
Preach it! I have an aunt who is always whining about not having any money and living paycheck to paycheck. But she’ll be the first one in line to get that new Micheal Kor’s handbag and $500 pairs of shoes that are collecting dust in her closet.
I live in Massachusetts and we got hit with a pretty bad rainstorm. My aunt’s basement flooded and now she’s scratching her head wondering how she’s going to fix all this damage. She never saved a dime or put money away for “rainy days”… in this case literally. People especially black people do spend money on brand names, making those designers even richer, while their own kids are eating low quality food but wearing expensive clothing.
Oh and about Quixtar…let’s not even go there! Those people are out there brainwashing folks about their stupid pyramid scheme. People need to start learning how to start their own business based on their hobbies than wasting their time and money on these IBS’s oops I meant IBO’s
This post came just at the right time for me. I graduate tomorrow, and I start law school in 6 months. One of my top choice schools is literally down the street from my mom’s house and she offered to let me stay at home for those 3 years because it makes good sense financially. (apts out here aren’t cheap) But I’m wondering how far into school I’ll get before I go from feeling like the kid who made a smart move to the man who still lives at home with his mama.
I haven’t read all the comments, so I don’t know if anyone’s made this point, but I was with you ’til you went to, ‘then use the money you save to buy a house.’ I have never understood the whole home-ownership craze. Why not stay at home . . . and save . . . and buy . . . a business? Not only will it help keep all the habibis and Asians from taking over and taking out (money from) African American neighborhoods, but commercial wealth is where the wealth differential becomes largest and most consequential.
Buying a house adds an asset to your books. Financing, building, or buying a business adds an asset to your community’s books.
@Anonymous, My thoughts have always been to buy a house, however, buying a business is an incredible accomplishment as well. I think the point is to just not waste money on rent, and use it for something that will benefit you in the long run.
@Anonymous,
I think this is a GREAT point. One that needs to be shouted from the rafters!
I am SOO glad you posted this! I’ve had this discussion with damn near all of my friends. Moving back home after college is one of the smartest financial decisions one can make. Coming from a Nigerian household, moving home after college (and staying home until marriage *side eye*) is something most Nigerian parents expect from their children, male AND female. I don’t really care about that part, but the financial sense it makes to stay home, and move out into something I OWN has always been appealing to me. Now, I actually graduated with a “good job” and moved out into an apartment right after undergrad, and quickly realized how my “good salary” was mere peanuts after paying all my bills (rent, utilities, car note, student loans, etc). It just didn’t make sense. Two years later, I found another job in the field I actually want to work in and had NO shame in moving home lol..I really wish more young black adults would suscribe to the notion of returning home after college, it truly makes a huge difference.
@Dunni O.,
hahahha..read my post below….alot of foreign friends hold on to their children until they get married…we are not staying at home just so we can munch off our parents.
@Dunni O.,
I meant “foreign parents” not “foreign children”…lol
@Dunni O.,
Coming from a Nigerian household, moving home after college (and staying home until marriage *side eye*) is something most Nigerian parents expect from their children, male AND female
^This^
Im 31 and still live at home. I’m from Iraq. I have well paying job and a credit score of 805 last time I checked…lol…Most of my other foreign friends also still live at home. It’s a cultural thing for us. It’s not that we can’t move out…we are taught that you should take care of your parents until you get married. Dating hasn’t been a problem for me because most of the females I have dated understand the culture and respect it. Most have their own place anyway so much of my time was spent there. Being home has given me the opportunity to further establish myself. I took advantage of the real estate boom between 2003-2007 and flipped a few homes here in the MD/DC area. I also purchased a home near a local university which I ended up renting out. I figured being home I can make as many business mistakes as I like since at the end of the day I will have a roof over my head and food on the table. Not only has it allowed me to set up a great future for myself but for my future wife and kid(s). (if I ever meet her..lol)
I dont down anybody for wanting to move out and be independent etc…I just never saw a good enough reason to do so other then to feel like an adult. My friends that did move out lived in apartments and lived hand to mouth for months/years when they could have just stayed home and used that money to open a business/buy a home/invest in 401k etc…
@Mo,
I figured being home I can make as many business mistakes as I like since at the end of the day I will have a roof over my head and food on the table
Word to the wise!
great post.
i would suggest that our community think beyond homeownership as a means of building wealth, because I can guarantee you that are white counterparts are “off that”(Many critics suggest that the days of reaping significant dividends from real estate are over. I’m not saying that I agree, but it’s worth noting). I bought a place in DC a few years ago, (anyone looking to rent, holler at me, lol), got a job in NY last year and had to move. And right now, homeownership is effin’ pain in my butt. Looking back, I would probably do things differently. Our community is SOOOO focused on achieving tokens of “success” at such an early age, that we fail to stop and live for a bit. It is totally okay to be carefree, wreckless and exploratory in your 20s. Granted, in the black community, we haven’t always had that luxury. But many of us do now. At 20-something, it is a huge burden (and pain in the ass) paying for a home I don’t live in. Yes, it’s still an investment. But as someone who is still growing in her career and who may have to pick up and relocate at any point (since I have no kids/obligations, and can do that), owning a home has tied my hands considerably. Did I consider these things ahead of time? Sure did. But I didn’t expect the housing meltdown, or the saturation of the rental market that would result because of it. And it’s not as sexy as we make it out to be.
My advice (not that anyone asked, but still) would be to spend more time smelling the roses in your 20s. I’m not suggesting you squander every last dime, but rid yourself of the expectation that you must have all your eggs in a row within a few years of graduating. I’ve heard too many stories of people in their 40s who look back and wished they’d stop to smell the roses a little more.
I’m sorry, I live at home, and if I don’t move out soon I’m about to murder my entire family in cold blood. This solution is a no-go.lol
you say white people do this. but do you know who else does this…
africans. i’m first generation and 70% of my family immediately heads back home after graduation.
take a tip from your black family from across the pond.
I graduated last May and decided after a long debate with myself to move home after living on my own for 5 years. After about 4 months now I am so glad that I made this decision; I am able to get my credit right, stack my doe and decrease my stress levels which is the most important to me. It is one of the best decisions that I have made in my adult life. So you are thinking about it, DO IT!
I’m on the fence with this post, here’s why:
#1. My sister just recently decided to move back in with my mom. She has a Bachelor’s but is having trouble financially (doesn’t have a job). Initially, I thought, like most, “B*tch, are you crazy?!”, but then I realized that it’s better for her to move back in and get herself together. This is better than struggling and getting into more financial trouble just so people won’t talk sh*t abt her. She’s also single, no kids. Those things matter for obvious reasons.
on the other hand….
#2. My BF still stays with his parent. He has a Bachelor’s but after getting laid off a couple of times after he graduated he decided to go back to school in a more stable career field. He works full time, makes a decent amount of money and has a lot saved. He never wanted to move into an Apt so his plan was to move into a house after saving a good amount of money. The problem was that he kept getting laid off and he got nervous about not being able to cover the mortgage. Anyway, I see the logic in saving money to invest in a house rather than put it into an Apt, but at some point you have to grow up.
So for that reason, I agree that it is a good idea (depending on the situation) to stay with your parents for as long as you can or move back in if you need to, but there has to be some sort of plan. I’m a teacher and I do advise my students, who want to immediately graduate and live on their own, to stay at home as long as possible if they’re planning on going to school.
Everyone shouldn’t just move back in with the folks because “it’s hard out here” or “it’s a recession”. It’s hard out here for everyone. BUT …We’re adults. We need to start acting like it. Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean we should be running back to mommy (or daddy) when things get tough.
This post is quite timely for me. I’m 29, have an MBA, and had a “successful” banking career making “good money.” But I was miserable. So I quit, put my stuff in storage, and now I’m about to go volunteer in West Africa in hopes that it’ll lead to a career in a new industry. The scariest fcuking part of all of this? If I come back in 6 months and my experience hasn’t led to a new career, I’ll have to move back in with moms. *shudders* I’ve been living away from home since I started college at 17. I’m also deciding whether I should go the entrepreneurial route or focus on getting a secure job. Not gonna lie – the main negative on going the entrepreneurial route is that I’d need to stay at home for a while to get everything in place. I don’t really know if I’m prepared to do all that.
This post is 2 days old. Nobody’s gonna read this. Just venting I guess.
Saw this kind of late, but here’s my two cents….
I’m going to be 28 this year and I’ve never lived on my own. I went from living at home with my parents, to moving across the country to live and work with my aunt who has her own business. I decided a VERY long time ago that I would never leave home until I had my own place. It doesn’t make sense to me to pay upwards of $12k a year to live somewhere that I’ll NEVER own. I’d much rather sacrifice now for the long term. I’ve been living with my aunt for almost three years and car is paid for my student loan is on it’s way and I have hardly an credit card debt. I put a big check of my salary into savings,about 30%. And I know that when I’m ready to finally ready to leave I’ll be able to do so worry free.
Hey all,
Long time reader, first time poster. I’ve been lurking around this website for a couple of weeks. I dont think anybody is gonna read this but- Living and working in the UK as a single black male (Originally from Mo-Co), I have to say I have too many “proud” friends like this back in DC.
I’m lucky enough to be have a good career that lets me travel to various countries. I fell through some rough times a couple of years ago while still living in DC, and moved back in with my mom! My boys thought I was crazy, but I didnt really care because it made financial sense to me.
Outside of America most people, even ones making 50K+, generally stay with their family until they save up to move out.
There definitely is a negative mindset towards people over 23-25 still with their famz.
I guess my message is F**ck what people think and do what makes “financial” sense. People wont be laughing when you own a place in a foreign country.
“conceive, believe, achieve, and then f*cking leave”
A few too many people conceive a lil too early, I think the order is a bit switched around. If I had kids they need to be conceiving after they leave. But hey, I know what you really meant. I guess I just took it another way. Otherwise I think you nailed this one. Bullseye.
I did alot of investing in real estate during the boom and one thing I found disturbing was how un-educated people were when it came to buying a home/condo. I understand the feeling that comes with buying your first place but these people were buying homes in hoodlum areas thinking it’s an investment. A townhouse that’s going for $150k is a nice deal…but not when ray-ray and bullet clip are hanging outside of your home and there is no plans for development in your area. Some of my friends picked any old location because the price was good and moved out. If you need to save extra money to purchase a better home in a better area, then do it. I understand that not everybody will be able to live in a nice upscale neighborhood….well then, you need to move back home, save money and build wealth so you CAN live in those neighborhoods.
Homes are getting foreclosed left and right and people are picking the wrong properties to purchase. Remember, this is your home. Think and research before purchasing….dont just buy it because it’s nice and cheap. What good is buying a condo in a neighborhood where cars are being stolen and drugs deals are being made down the street?
I didn’t go through all the comments, so I might be repeating someone, but this post seems to assume that home ownership is an inherently good thing. While I agree that having a $5 cushion to fall back on will lead to a sore tailbone, I don’t necessarily agree that owning a home is necessary or sufficient for financial stability (see: all the cats underwater now in the housing market). Beyond that, owning a home just isn’t for everyone; being locked in to one geographic location by an expensive mortgage on something that you are entirely responsible for the upkeep on is daunting. Lots of people just prefer to rent because its easier, and throw their money into the Wall Street casino. I don’t think either one is better, just different strokes.
I’m 28 and I’m nearing “back at home” with my mama. I had moved out at about 25 and I did great for a couple of years and then financially, I wasn’t doing what I needed to especially with out a financial plan in mind (individuals need $planning to). So, I’m nearing the dreaded time. I’ve dreaded due to pride, the house itself considering it’s like “Big Mama’s House,” where all visit-any day- all day. I’m coming to grips with the idea now, but I wish I had waited and sort out my finances first and then made the move. I’m not knocking those that just go at it ASAP, if you can do it then do it.