link of the week: the contract

Posted on 7 August, 2008 by The Champ

earlier in the week, vsb.com regular muse (who’s probably riding a pyramid as we speak) forwarded me a link to an, ummm, “unique” marriage contract.

originally posted on thesmokinggun.com, this contract was devised by 33 year old iowan travis frey. titled “contract of wifely expectations“, this document was to be signed and explicitly followed by his wife (who never actually signed sh*t)

(click here for full contract)

sample gems from this insane four page manuscript:

“when we are home and alone as a family, you will be naked within 20 minutes of the kids being in bed, and sleep naked unless instructed otherwise”

“misbehavior is when you complain about what is requested or expected of you, or when you try to negotiate something other than what was requested or expected of you. if this happens you will lose 5 gbd’s (good behavior days) per incident”

“i will select your sleepwear for you, and you will find it under your bed if there is none you will be naked. during your menstrual cycle you can wear a top and panties. the top is to be no longer than to cover your buttchecks”

“you are to pose for 20 pictures per quarter, unless your quota is filled”

“by the end of the first day of each quarter, you are to choose your pet name that you want me to call you by. your choice must meet my approval, and noncompliance will be a 20 gbd loss”

complete and utter insanity notwithstanding, i think we all have some variant of a contract in our heads as we try navigate the murky shark-infested waters of courting, dating, and relationships. maybe we’re not all as crazy as mr. frey, but we all have certain rules and expectations we’d like our potential and current mates to follow.

so, occasionally intelligent and outrageously lascivious people of vsb.com, what rules (if any) would be in your contracts?

oh, and btw…what ever happened to mr. frey?

he was eventually charged with first-degree kidnapping and domestic abuse assault causing injury (as well as child pornography) and convicted of third-degree sex abuse and domestic assault. he’s currently serving 11 years, and sharing a jail cell with beanie segal.

moral of the story: maybe its not a good thing that obama won iowa.

—the champ

http://lizburr.com Liz

Must rub my feet at least 18 times during any given quarter.
- http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
  
  what the hell is a “quarter” anyway? every three months? every third week? everytime you see a quarter?
  - Leila
    
    “everytime you see a quarter?”
    
    LOL
    - http://www.myspace.com/bbgirl180 Tay
      
      “everytime you see a quarter?”
      
      lol… no
Intellectual Hedonist

I was recently on a lunch date with a man (while visiting the DMV), while we were on said date he instinctively went to bless his food, then stopped and looked at me and began to explain and asked if I minded or would I be offended if he blessed his food. To which I responded (in my head) If I minded or were offended than you shouldnt want to be with me.

my contractual agreement shall include but is not limited to
1. Be Christian: have an active relationship with God, the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost

2. Believe in Marriage

3. Believe and want to be part of a Family

4. Be the head of the household

5. Love me on my worst day
- http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl
  
  “then stopped and looked at me and began to explain and asked if I minded or would I be offended if he blessed his food”
  
  Sometimes i feel like a satanic heifer because I DO LOVE THE LORD…yes I do…but must we hold hands, pray super long and loud.
  - http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson
    
    i used to want to be a preacher so i could hold the longest prayer sessions known to man…
    
    luckily, somebody introduced me to sanctified sinnin’ the next day and its been on like popcorn ever since!
    - http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl
      
      “i used to want to be a preacher so i could hold the longest prayer sessions known to man…”
      
      P???? in a fine dining establishment. I’m not sure this is appropriate. So you blessin ALL of MAGGIANO’s FOOD and the kitchen and the wait staff??
      
      I dunno…I appreciate that maybe during a family gathering AT HOME.
      
      but I should not be catchin the holy ghost over Fettucine Alfredo.
      - http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson
        
        “but I should not be catchin the holy ghost over Fettucine Alfredo.”
        
        um…when else you gonna catch it?
        
        http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl
        
        you right over chicken…
        
        but i also appreciate a man who not just talks like God…but WALKs like him too even when he isn’t blessin the table. Thats integrity, thats being a stewart in his community, that’s keeping his word, thats treating women (even from his past with respect and talking about them relatively well and in good terms) “that bytch was mean” is not good.
        
        http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
        
        “that bytch was mean” is not good”
        
        even if she was?
    - http://www.myspace.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist
      
      as a former PK, I quietly bow my head and bless my food at each meal, when I get in my car each morning, while I am sitting on a plane about to take off, and at night before going to bed.
      
      Im in now way talking about catching the Holy Ghost up in Maggiano’s but just a moment to recognize and thank…
      - http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl
        
        I know. I was just being un sanctified. Prayer is good. And it DOES change things.
        
        But long and loud prayers where we hold hands on dates at restaurants is my little hangup ***now where is my bus pass to hell**
      - http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
        
        “Im in now way talking about catching the Holy Ghost up in Maggiano’s but just a moment to recognize and thank…”
        
        ok…i’m about tired of you all name-dropping chains that ive never even been to (or heard of)
        
        http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl
        
        sometimes I think you like playing dumb…how the ham sandwich did you know it was a chain???
        
        http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
        
        “sometimes I think you like playing dumb…how the ham sandwich did you know it was a chain???”
        
        what i should have said was “chains ive never heard of before i started this site”, lol. i had no idea about this place until a couple weeks ago.
        
        sh*t, if you go here…
        
        http://www.maggianos.com/locations/
        
        …you’ll see that there are none within like 250-300 miles of pittsburgh
        
        http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl
        
        King of Prussia PA…247 miles…its a worthy chain.
        
        http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
        
        “King of Prussia PA…247 miles…its a worthy chain.”
        
        lol…see what i mean. i aint traveling 247 miles for no damn spaghetti
        
        http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson
        
        @the champ: lol…see what i mean. i aint traveling 247 miles for no damn spaghetti
        
        that literally made me laugh out loud.
        
        cuz its true. you’d make that drive for spaghetti.
- miss t-lee
  
  IH—good list.
  - Intellectual Hedonist
    
    thanks
http://starkept.blogspot.com Suga&Spice

This is great food for thought. Some things on my contract would be

1. Must not take my sarcasm to heart. It is part of my sense of humor and thus a component of my charm.

2. Must not look at me strange if I suggest something sexually that he/I/both of us have never experienced.

3. Should be a football fan. If not, must not bitch about me going out on most sundays from pre-season to superbowl.

4. Must understand that I am not a girlie-girl. Sometimes I just like to say fuck and enjoy an ice cold beer. Dont try to change me and I wont change you.

5. Has to be willing to give me back rubs. One a month will get you far with me.

6. Must not judge me by my family. I love them but lord they are a crazy bunch.
- sisanda
  
  Your first two points are on point!!
  
  “6. Must not judge me by my family. I love them but lord they are a crazy bunch.” – yep, i know how you feel, luckily my parents never got into the routine of having family meetings/gatherings, too much Drama but i aint sayin nothin cause that’s family business {all that glitters is not gold}
- miss t-lee
  
  3. Should be a football fan. If not, must not bitch about me going out on most sundays from pre-season to superbowl
  
  YES!!!
  I dated a guy who didn’t like sports once, and needless to say, that’s a big reason he’s no longer in the picture.
  - http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant
    
    was he gay ro soemthing or did he get beat up alot as a child?
    - miss t-lee
      
      I’m sure he wasn’t gay, now the other, I’m not so sure about.
      He didn’t watch any sports, at all. I thought it was strange myself. I tried to let it slide, but I couldn’t. Especially when he was trying to act all funny-style about me watching football on sundays.
      - http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson
        
        if i’ve said it once, i’ve said it a million times: i do not trust men who do not like sports at all.
        
        oh and also, i do not trust black men with no bass in their voice. my mother’s white and my voice has heftiness to it.
        
        if this is you, work on that shit. you probably give limp dap too.
        
        http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
        
        “if i’ve said it once, i’ve said it a million times: i do not trust men who do not like sports at all.”
        
        i agree. ive never met a dude who was completely uninterested in sports and didnt have serious personality issues. never
        
        miss t-lee
        
        “didnt have serious personality issues. never”
        
        That he did have. LOL
        
        miss t-lee
        
        @ Panama
        You don’t trust ‘em huh?! Maybe I should adopt this.
        
        JBoogie
        
        i concur…men who don’t like sports and/or have no bass in the voice=highly suspect and b*tchazz.
        
        http://www.myspace.com/datfya BigBuck
        
        A dude who doesn’t like any sports and has no bass in his voice………is there any doubt that he is gay? The DL is alive and well, and any man who has those two traits should be held suspect for sure!
        
        http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
        
        “A dude who doesn’t like any sports and has no bass in his voice………is there any doubt that he is gay? The DL is alive and well, and any man who has those two traits should be held suspect for sure!”
        
        shoot, i bet even gay men think that men who dont like any sports is gay, lol
        
        Jamila
        
        “you probably give limp dap too.”
        
        That is so true… men with out bass usually do have that limp dap. and sweaty hands. ewww
  - http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com Alise
    
    The non-sports guy is a dating anomale that I have encountered once, I felt like the “man” of the relationship, it was just too weird…
    - miss t-lee
      
      It was weird. Very weird.
      Some kats don’t like a certain sport, like let’s say baseball. That I can understand. I only like baseball when I go to the games, but to say you don’t like ANY sports, that’s just odd to me.
- http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
  
  “2. Must not look at me strange if I suggest something sexually that he/I/both of us have never experience”
  
  ummm…hmmm.
Mikki

Oh yay I been waiting 2 weeks to be at the top… eh he hem

1. shave all chest hairs

2.don’t gain weight when i get pregnant and say its my fault

3. don’t tell me when your going to take a shit cuz i dont care.
- http://starkept.blogspot.com Suga&Spice
  
  3. don’t tell me when your going to take a shit cuz i dont care.
  
  Or better yet, dont talk to me while I am trying to take one. I had an ex who used to come in the bathroom and try to talk to me while I was relaxing on the throne. It used to drive me crazy because I just cant go with someone else in the bathroom.
  - http://idkmynameismikki.wordpress.com Mikki
    
    LMAO!! me either
    
    can you imagine, just sitting there holding a turd while they yapping… and then it drops and all hell breaks loose. well nobody told ur dumb ass to stand there while i was taking a shit…..
- http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl
  
  “1. shave all chest hairs”
  
  Mik, this is a little “how you doin”!!! maybe he shouldn’t be overly hairy to begin with or at least wear a damn tee-shirt to cover said hair while out and about.
  - http://www.Blog-AroundHarlem.com AroundHarlem.com
    
    I HATE chest hair. So I’ve actually had this same “weird” thought.
    
    However, my version would go like this.
    
    He’s hairy and VERY manly. But he will shave the hair because he loves me so much and honors my request.
  - Jamila
    
    right…. if he has a hairy chest what is he going to do with the hairy back he probably has?
    
    I am not a fan of hairy men. all that extra moisture and tickle really kinda grosses me out.
    - shay-d-lady
      
      I concur…..I never dated men with back hair or hair on the back of their hands…..I have a teen wolf phobia and I always imagined that happening with extra hair guys.
- http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant
  
  1. thats insane.
  - http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl
    
    do straight men shave their chest hair. I did date this guy once who had it waxed on occassion, but I questioned he orientation all the time.
    - http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
      
      “do straight men shave their chest hair. I did date this guy once who had it waxed on occassion, but I questioned he orientation all the time.”
      
      unless theyre swimmers, i dont think so. i like my hair. it makes me feel brawny
      - miss t-lee
        
        Did you just say brawny?!
        CTFU
        I’m so done…lol
      - http://monicarol.wordpress.com Monica
        
        I’m still laughing that he said brawny.
        
        And I agree that chest hair on a man is sexy (as long as it isn’t taco meat looking chest hair)
      - http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess
        
        “brawny” my ni99a?? “brawny”?
        
        http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
        
        yup…brawny. whats wrong with brawny? its in the dictionary and sh*t
        
        http://www.thefreedictionary.com/brawny
- miss t-lee
  
  1. shave all chest hairs
  
  Wow really?!
  I likes the hair. It’s manly.
  - http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant
    
    most women do thats why I said thats insane
  - http://www.myspace.com/vasbestbbw Cheryl
    
    I love the hair myself.
    - http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl
      
      ok but what about when its coming from out over the collar bone..hair that you could possibly french braid.
      - http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant
        
        you can trim that. put a guard on the clippers. shaving is just takin that too far. you might as well demand he shave is balls.
        
        http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl
        
        ok…just asking. I never had this type of problem. But I just needed to clarify for Mikki…you feel me???
        
        Just wanted to make sure SHE understood the protocol…
      - miss t-lee
        
        That you can trim. But she said chest hairs…not back/neck hair.
        
        http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl
        
        OK…so its ACCEPTABLE to shave the back/neck hair???
        
        miss t-lee
        
        If it’s looking like a forest, yes.
        If it’s just regualr, I’d say leave it.
        I don’t mind.
  - JBoogie
    
    love hair on the chest…it’s so MANLY!
- http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson
  
  i know a chick with chest hair. and its like she just refused to do anything about it. used to drive me batshit. i’m like i can see it, so i know you can. clip that shit.
  
  wore v-neck t-shirts and everything.
  - http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess
    
    @Panama…I know a sister like that…she has a mustache too…and wears bright lipstick. like the contrast between brick red and black whiskers is invisible…WTF?!? be all smiley and sh*t…and dudes holler!! I stand to the side makionig sure my breath is fresh like WT(fuggin)F?!?!
    - genius khan
      
      “…she has a mustache too…and wears bright lipstick. like the contrast between brick red and black whiskers is invisible…WTF?!? be all smiley and sh*t…”
      
      Goody u stupid!
      
      Cracking——————–THe———————————————–FU*k———————————–UP!
    - miss t-lee
      
      OMG!!!! Brick red and black whiskers…
      
      I’m done.
    - http://www.Blog-AroundHarlem.com AroundHarlem.com
      
      I knew a woman who had a mustache, thick side burns and a couple of scraggly face hairs.
      
      One day she went on vacation and came back two weeks later. Something was different about her and I couldn’t place what it was.
      
      I’m thinking, does she look well rested? Is it a tan? I figured out that she had shaved the hair off …. LOL.
    - shay-d-lady
      
      hey this is a disease.. its hirsutism..LMAO my friend has been getting hair removal treatment for years because of it….
  - AkShone
    
    I had a teacher like that in high school! I’m talking taco meat hair on her chest…and she always wore low cut tops. I just couldn’t understand how that was supposed to be a good look. The sheer thought of it grosses me out.
    - http://liffy.blogspot.com Luvvie
      
      Taco meat is bad. But on a woman?? Shit the least she could do is PERM the ish! Or wear turtlenecks. Even in summer.
      - AkShone
        
        …the least she could do is CUT that sh!t…along with her Teddy Riley goatee. I don’t know, maybe she was ol’ skool with it. She wasn’t and old woman…at the time maybe late 30′s. It was weird.
        
        http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess
        
        not the Teddy Riley goatee…
        
        JAM…OH JAM!!!
        
        http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
        
        “along with her Teddy Riley goatee. I don’t know, maybe she was ol’ skool with it. She wasn’t and old woman…at the time maybe late 30’s. It was weird.”
        
        whenever i see women with a fu manchu i always think its like the food in the teeth dynamic, where someone notices food in someones teeth, but doesnt say anything because they assume they already know. i honestly think some of these bearded broads have no idea that they look like theyre wearing walrus masks. we need to do a better job of letting them know
        
        http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson
        
        you’re saying these heffas don’t own mirrors? or they have self-esteem mirrors intended to hide their flaws?
- http://liffy.blogspot.com Luvvie
  
  It is necessary for folks to shave their chest hair if it can be considered “taco meat”. I refuse to get cut by one of them aluminum balls u wanna call hair.
  - http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com Alise
    
    Yep, chain maille chest hair is not a good look…
    - http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess
      
      ALISE!!! CHAIN MAILLE???!! are you trying to get me fired??? huh? huh? methinks you’re in collusion with the VSBs to relieve me of my employment so I will be free to be the PR ni99a round here! CHAIN MAILLE!!!
      
      ***dead***
http://getyoshyt.blogspot.com Melyssa Ganache

Hey I nominated you for a Brillante Premio Weblog Award!
- http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
  
  thanks and shit.
Leila

Here’s my contract….

#1 – Be faithful to me and respect me at all times. Even at our worst moments, there should be a level of respect for each other.

#2 – Be family-oriented and love children. I have a very close big extended family and love to be around family. I could not be with a man who’s not family-oriented. They’re a big part of me and this is a must. I also love children and this important too:)

#3 – I have a very full life with family, friends, work, volunteering, etc so I need a man who understands that. I’m very loving, but I can’t be with a man that will smother me. It just will not work. I also like 1 hour a day to myself where I can just relax and not be bothered (usually right after work).

#4 – I’m not a neat freak, but I expect the man to pick up after himself. I like to keep the house clean and it drives me crazy if there are stuff on the floor and dishes filling up the sink.

#5 – Sense of humor is very important! I love to laugh and I can be really silly sometimes, so this is a must:)
- JBoogie
  
  This would be what my contract looks like!
  - miss t-lee
    
    This is pretty good.
- http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
  
  nice and simple and shit.
- http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com MsSula
  
  My contract looks a lot like this one.
  
  #6. Let’s do what we do best and f*ck them gender-roles. If my lawn-mowing skills are off the chart (which they are) and you’re an excellent cook, let’s do just that. At the end of the day, the health of the relationship is more important than some bs, preconceived sh!t.
  - Fabulously Me
    
    Oh praise God!!! I’m currently with/not with a dude who has this archaic idea that I should be cooking more. I’m like,”ni99a if you’re hungry, fix yourself something to eat”! I’m not his wife and even if I was, I’m not that good in the kitchen and I don’t plan on running home everyday to make sure he has a hot meal on the table. Now I can clean the hell out of a house. I mean, spotless. Doesn’t that count for something?!
    - http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
      
      “Now I can clean the hell out of a house. I mean, spotless. Doesn’t that count for something?”
      
      cleaning counts.
      
      so does fellatio
    - genius khan
      
      Fab it’s not about sticking to a rule of “the woman cooks” it’s more about a mother or wife even if she can’t cook FEELING the responsibility to ensuring that her family/man is fed. (regardless of who actually does the cooking) if she feels and owns this responsibility she will genuinely try her best to learn etc. many chefs are men and cook better than women. what im saying here is that i would like for a woman to feel what i think is the responsibility of her “natural” role. another example: if a woman is not a good cook then i would like to see that she genuinely wants to prepare a good meal when she tries and tries her best (shout to D*Scroy) juxtapose doing it with resentment and half assed with a bad attitude.
      
      as a man i genuinely FEEL the majority responsibility to provide food clothing and shelter for my fam/wife even if she makes as much or more than me. (regardless of if she has to contribute or carry the family financially at some point) i FEEL and accept that responsibility and i work towards that if i’m not already doin it.
      
      if you’re in a relationship where you do the yard and he cooks nothing is wrong with that if its working for youall. everything is not strictly by the book. make each decision based on it’s own unique circumstances.
genius khan

hot dammit. i’m still up, fresh from a b-day party on ur arse.

Champ asks:

Q: “so, occasionally intelligent and outrageously lascivious people of vsb.com, what rules (if any) would be in your [marriage]contracts?

i’m not sure Champ but i do know that current marriage contract language is archaic. the parent text was written at a time when women didn’t have “jobs” and when a man took care of most of their financial needs etc. so as it relates to divorce the shit is madd unrealistic for the 20th century and retarded for the 21st century altogether. like D. Masterson says. “Alimony is prostitution.” …and the judges who are trusted to interpret the law are certainly favoring the female species in every aspect. the precedence is set and influences future decisions and awards.

#1. don’t get married, technically speaking. (remember it’s only pre marital sex if you plan to marry.)

#2. can u say: “hollywood divorce.”

#3. sometimes i wake up out of my sleep dazed saying: “how much do i owe you? and what’s your name. well of course you owe a woman everything. didn’t you get the memo from….

#4. my attorney told me not to sign shit not so much as an autograph without his advisement 1st. so fuck u and the judgde. family court can blow me.

#5. you dont need a MARRIAGE CONTRACT to be in a monagomous relationship, build and develop a family, love and cherish etc. et fuc*ing cetera. (…and yes men you can still contractually provide for your family. …CONTRACTUALLY outside of wedLOCK.

#6. Pre-Nuptials Contracts if you have to do the matrimony letigiousness. know the laws in your state.

#7. a former boss once told me:

khan [he said] you’re a talented fellow but there is no i in team.

and i said:

sir you’re right but there is a U in, fuck U.

suffice it to say i saw the exit sign first.

i’m sleepy i’ll finish this shit tomorrow. no worries i’ll be back with the moral to this story and before you had a chance to hate me. in the meantime remember the Draconion Thought Police only rules whom they are allowed to. ALL power comes from within.

goodnight
- sisanda
  
  “remember it’s only pre marital sex if you plan to marry.” – Now here’s a feasable excuse for dating a mormon, thank you old sport.
  
  “my attorney told me not to sign shit not so much as an autograph without his advisement 1st. so fuck u and the judgde” – that’s the truth son, go on….
- V Renee
  
  There may not be an I in team, but there is a me in team
  - genius khan
    
    me is in team huh? good call V.
- http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
  
  “khan [he said] you’re a talented fellow but there is no i in team.
  
  and i said:
  
  sir you’re right but there is a U in, fuck U.”
  
  yeah…its time for my pepper eggs and toast
Zahara

“sir you’re right but there is a U in, fuck U.”

hahahha…omg i am so going to use it ALL THE TIME. If it’s a true story u have to tell us the details of that exchange. love it.

Back ot the topic:

Man I think about contracts all the time…this is the perfect post. All around me I see failing marriages, dishonest/unhappy/depressed couples and I never want to end up that way. Here is a couple things I would put in a contract if I could:

1. There will be teamwork in the marriage — whether it’s cleaning, cooking, paying bills, raising children, etc. Unless some other equally ‘teamworky’ deal is agreed upon.

2. Problems will only be between him & I. I will never talk badly about him or discuss sensitive issues with family/friends/neighbours/coworkers and I expect the same from him.

3. ALL significant family decisions would be made together.

4. Since money is the TOP reason of divorce & fights — there would be some kind of agreement in stone about spending, saving, etc. etc. or something like it.

5. NEVER EVER EVER HIT. That goes both ways.

6. No smoking, alcohol or drugs. EVER.

7. Cheating is a deal breaker. No second chances. AT ALL.

8. Even if there is no love — there should always be common decency, respect, thoughtfulness, & fairness. That goes A LONG WAY.

There is a lot more but I gotta stop here or I’ll write a book. hmmm.
- sisanda
  
  “No smoking, alcohol or drugs. EVER.” – that’s why we have such a high divorce rate, cause of premises like these!
  
  “decency, respect, thoughtfulness, & fairness” – try applying any of those during sex…please go on try it…no offence, but that won’t get you anywhere
  - genius khan
    
    sisanda im wit ya on the tuff talk coupled with ruff sex manytimes.
    
    again i refer Zahara and others who take respect and decency to an uber level, even during sex to Patrice Oneal (he’s a favorite of Champ, P Wu and many of the men on this site)
    
    *spoiler alert*
    
    if you’re easily offended remove stick from ass first. look at this as a research and educational experience.
    
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7pB-4avmAR0
    
    enjoy!
    - http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
      
      i’m mad i cant find that entire hbo special somewhere. i knew i should have taped it when it came on
      - genius khan
        
        yeah Champ i wish i had a copy of the Patrice Oneal HBO special too. maybe i’ll check on the net and see if its available. it may be available at HBOs’ site. …or like HBO on demand and shits.
    - http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl
      
      I was just about to scream GIRL power…but Patrice is not a girl.
- http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant
  
  no smoking alcohol or drugs?
  good luck with that. I feel like taking a couple of shots and a shotgun right now. You realize its human nature to do things when we are told under no circumstances not to do then..especially when times get hard
- miss t-lee
  
  6. No smoking, alcohol or drugs. EVER.
  
  Wow. I feel ya on the drugs, but he’s gotta be able to drink with me, or we might kill each other. lol
  - http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant
    
    what about mary? what about tylenol or claritin?
    - miss t-lee
      
      I’m talking bout the hard stuff.
      Like black tar heroin, meth, oxy-contin, crack…and the like. You nahmean.
      
      I take zyrtec daily–how am I talk gone talk crazy bout that…lol
      - Intellectual Hedonist
        
        I take oxy contin on ocassion ( I have a fracture in one of my vertebrae and the pain can get unbearable), I also have a regular stash of Motrin (1000mg) in my medicine cabinet along with Vicoden and Percoset. All of which are narcotics.
        
        I dont trust a man that doesn’t drink any alcohol, I mean not even a glass of wine ever?
        
        my dad is a recovering Alcoholic, so I grew up around crazy alcohol and recovery. My first job out of college was at a residential substance abuse facility so I know the difference between a social drinker, someone that has a crutch, and an alcoholic.
        
        I hear what you are saying about some of the illicit drugs though…
        
        miss t-lee
        
        IH- If you’re taking the oxy or any other prescription meds for a condition, I understand.
        
        Now if dude is crushing up oxy pills to snort them, I have a problem. lol
        
        Intellectual Hedonist
        
        I totally hear you about the drugs…
        
        My point is if its for medicinal purpose than you get a pass, but dont tell me your afternoon tree session is just for medicinal reasons cause I know you don’t have glaucoma
        
        http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula
        
        what’s untrustworthy about a guy who doesn’t drink alcohol?
        
        Intellectual Hedonist
        
        Honestly, I don’t know, its one of my personal hang ups.
        
        It’s like maybe you can’t control yourself if you do. I guess it comes from being around people who couldn’t (control themselves). So you don’t drink, so where are you putting that addictive behavior?
        
        I take it on a case by case basis, I do have male friends that don’t drink.
        
        http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula
        
        Some people make decisions about whether or not to drink without ever doing it. The entire time I was in undergrad, I decided not to drink without ever having tasted or tested alcohol.
        
        But wouldn’t this apply to drugs? I mean, would you trust someone who hadn’t tried cocaine because they thought maybe they couldn’t control themselves if they started?
        
        Then again, you seem to imply that everyone has some addictive behavior that if its not channeled into drinking must be in some other place.
        
        Intellectual Hedonist
        
        Kamakula, honestly its only with alcohol. I will work on it.
        
        You get’s kudos for not ever trying cocaine, and I might throw you a ticker tape parade.
    - http://liffy.blogspot.com Luvvie
      
      I needs my claritin. Allergies punk me!
  - http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson
    
    i’m all about drugs in a relationship.
    
    sometimes you have to medicate to stop yourself from slappin-a-mate.
    
    that goes both ways.
    - http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant
      
      Just Say Yes
    - shay-d-lady
      
      I totally agree…LMAO….Me and Jose (as in cuervo black) became good friends after my mother in law tried to annoint me with blessed oil…..
  - JBoogie
    
    ya know!
- Alicia
  
  “Even if there is no love — there should always be common decency, respect, thoughtfulness, & fairness. That goes A LONG WAY.”
  
  In my opinion, if there is no love, then the whole contract is null and void.
  - Lindsay
    
    Co-sign.
- http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
  
  “2. Problems will only be between him & I. I will never talk badly about him or discuss sensitive issues with family/friends/neighbours/coworkers and I expect the same from him.”
  
  good tenet and shit
  - SheReigns
    
    2. Problems will only be between him & I. I will never talk badly about him or discuss sensitive issues with family/friends/neighbours/coworkers and I expect the same from him.
    
    We were discussing this in my bible study last night…this is HUGE. Who better to work out my issues with than the one I have the issue with? Domestic disturbances don’t leave my threshold, period.
    
    And my Grammy gave me a piece of advice when I was young and dating… “Don’t go to bed angry.” This stems from Ecclesiates, “Don’t let the sun set on your anger.” Whatever beef my husband and I have, we fry it up and eat it before our heads hit our pillows. At the very least we agree to extinguish the fires so that we can start fresh the next day.
- genius khan
  
  Zahara says:
  
  “If it’s a true story [khan] u have to tell us the details of that exchange. love it.” [the u in F-U story]
  
  yes it’s true but i didn’t want to be assistant to U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno anyways ;}
  
  no really i’ll tell the story some other time.
  
  tune in next ___________ when khan tells the holier-than-thous where to get the fu*k off.
  
  will he use a hunting knife or a machette.
  
  *insert cliff hanger music*
- http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com MsSula
  
  No alcohol, like ever? Shiiiiiiid!
  
  And drugs, not even some Vicodine?
  - Zahara
    
    I can see where some of my contract may seem strange — the ‘no alchohol, drugs, & smoking’.
    
    I’m Muslim — it’s part of my religion to abstain from those things.
    
    However, even personally, I don’t care for those three. Smoking is nasty, alcohol makes you a dumbass, & drugs are just plain stupid (I’m not talking about medicine).
    - miss t-lee
      
      I’m Muslim — it’s part of my religion to abstain from those things.
      
      I gotcha. Now I understand.
Shay-d-lady

my contract is as follows:
1. Love me and respect me. that means all of me, my good, my bad, and ugly
2. be truthful in all situations, you never know what I am wiling to forgive if you dont try me.
3. Be a good father in every aspect of the word.
4. have some sort of spiritual belief
5. Understand that although I don’t wear my emotions on my sleeve, I still hurt and I dont always want to be the strong one
6. Always strive to become better, to never be satisfied with “average”
7. Willing to work wherever to get the bills paid. IF you get laid off from your high paying job and the economy is bad, yes I expect that person to work at mc d’s if he has to , to pay the bills. I would.
8 msut be selfless in terms of the relationship,. I mean chips are down give me your last with full knowledge that I would do the same
9 must have friends and hobbies.. I hate being smothered
10 don’t make me your savior…..
11 Fight Fair
- http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl
  
  ok…I like the job thing. I was reading everybodys and I thought most of the ladies had omitted this.
  - http://starkept.blogspot.com Suga&Spice
    
    That is a basic character trait you must have before I even consider accepting a marriage proposal.
    - http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant
      
      alot of things that are beign listed in these contracts are basic character traits that shouldn’t have to be written down or said.
      - miss t-lee
        
        Yep.
      - http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess
        
        and that my dear Deviant is why I am not posting a list..dammit if you don’t know…I am not trying to teach you!
    - Raqi
      
      I agree, character traits. Somethings just don’t have to be spelled out.
http://blackfemmefatale.wordpress.com Jolie Fatale

1. always lick the wrapper ..lets say this goes both ways everyday
2. keep the spontaneity
3. not afraid to take control and tell me like it is regardless.
4. understands that he has found a prize in ME, and ONLY HE can unwrap this gift.
5.be WILLING and eager to please ME as I HIM.
- http://liffy.blogspot.com Luvvie
  
  LMAO @ “always lick the wrapper”